That hadn't worked either.

Right, plan G2. "Be right back, going to the bathroom."

Darn it, still following him. "No! No girls are allowed into the men's restroom, that's the rule!"

His iron guards began making hand gestures, and he shook his head at the girls. "But this ISN'T the Underpark, so the rule stands!"

The crowd of partially clothed (The arguing over this had been long and ongoing) guardians turned inward as they attempted to find some common ground between themselves.

Then they pushed Rock man George to the front, where he flexed in his lace miniskirt.

…Crud. "Fine, but he can't join me in the stall! Bathroom time is personal time." Several of the women began arguing with their hands. "Outside of the Underpark. Outside of the Underpark, bathroom time is personal time. And even IN the Underpark those sorts of activities must be consensual."

John blinked at the sudden crowd of puppy eyes and flinched! "Not that I wouldn't have agreed or whatever, but we aren't IN the Underpark right now and… Excuse me, be right back!"

And he was in the bathroom, hiding in a toilet stall, and contemplating his recent life choices as the rock-like muscle man slowly wandered in afterwards.

Thankfully, George was quickly distracted by the available mirrors to flex in front of, so that was a relief… Finally some alone time to think!

John used the toilet as a chair and just… Stared at nothingness.

First of all: The Iron Golems.

As far as John could tell, they STILL were not revived dead people in metal form. Nor were they trapping Souls within their metal shell or being empowered by possession.

No, this was more a side effect of the location, and related to how Bill's operated in this world.

A new Golem was a magically formed/imbued/enhanced/purified construct, one that automatically reformed itself into the image of legendary guardians. Legends as large as could be imagined, or as small as the rumored leader of a local gang or group.

But here, in a world where leaving a corpse biologically alive could spawn a Demon to possess it when its blood got Soul sucked?

Well, crafting a blessed and pure vessel in the shape of a Defender? An empty host filled with energies that fundamentally forbade corruption or taint?

Well that ALSO spawned a new entity.

One that didn't quite match existing rules, a new type of entity without centuries of historical precedent to taint the final outcome of this process.

And while not every defender had a backstory of acting like a Saint or a selfless guardian or an enduring warrior… Even the most mild of examples were spoken of for their steadfast defense of those in need.

That seemed to resonate with a lot of unclaimed Karma that infused this reality on a fundamental level.

Which was… Good? Bad? Unclear, honestly John didn't want to touch Karma right now. Magic and Belief and Faith and all that mess was more than enough to worry about just yet. He'd research Karma and how to measure/gather/dispose/manipulate that stuff later.

MUCH later.

Anyway: Due to some (SLIGHT) influences from his sexually confident older sister and potentiallly some subconscious or System related bias towards the feminine form… Most of the defenders were women, in an idealized state with a semi-related sort of connected history of their form's past astounding actions.

So John Doe basically crafted an vessel army mostly of legendary attractive iron women and then stationed them in a magically enhanced park that was ALSO somehow his and Jessica's [[Home.]]

Thus these many new entities being born were submerged in a sea of magic, of [[Home]], of being a part of the Doe family. Crafted without pain or stress or strife, tasked to guide and protect and act true to their innate nature, designed to be walls against the Darkness…

And then John decided to treat them like actual individuals.

In his defense: It had been an instinct to do so.

After all, John's Pocket Pals were, in his own opinion, individuals as well. Even the ones that DIDN'T have a personality were important to him.

So why WOULDN'T he treat his army of iron warriors with respect and care?

They were his, but that didn't mean he would treat them wrong or abuse such ownership. After all, why would he hurt his own things?

…Then he and his sister injected a sexual theme park into thier [[Home]] and that may or may not have influenced the entire concept of him 'Owning' them and the mutual care might have been a tad bit twisted here and there into something closer to worship and lust and…

Yeah. Oops.

John groaned as he slumped on the unused toilet.

It wasn't that he didn't find them beautiful (Even the guys in most cases), nor that he was against having relationships with non-standard individuals in the future or whatever…

But he wasn't ready for that sort of thing! No matter what his biology tried to claim otherwise, his Soul was still recovering and his Mind was… Not exactly operating at 100% just yet.

Next world, he was going to rebuild a new Body to be pre-pubescent.

Avoid this whole mess entirely, at least for a little bit longer.

Just… Take a breather from this mess of hormones and temptations that had begun flooding his Body half way through one of the more thorough oil massages he had been giving out.

John blushed harder as he slumped into himself.

For the record: Suddenly experiencing sexual awakening in the MIDDLE of rubbing down an army of sinful and seductive sex goddesses had been VERY embarrassing.

Also for the record: Puberty sucked, being teased sucked/was AWESOME/double sucked, and finding out your 'security detail' was also sort of a half-harem setup was just…

Damn, he still blushed just thinking about it.

Thankfully, only a third of his groupies were actually serious about the entire harem thing, but even the girls who WEREN'T interested in such activities were MORE than happy to mess with his mind for fun and internal gossip.

Also whatever the hell was going on with George, who was flexing outside this very bathroom stall. That guy didn't seem to completely understand what was going on around him, but insisted on following the entire group of John's 'security detail' while flexing and showing off his new lace skirt collection.

And only skirts. Because for some reason: Lace Skirts were great, shirts were a sin. Or something.

So of COURSE the other women used George as an excuse for why THEY shouldn't have to wear shirts. Or skirts. Or underwear. Or even a bloody hat!

John winced as he remembered the prior attempts arguing they should start to wear clothing while ALSO trying to not look at anything they were proudly displaying in his face.

Fuck you, puberty. Tossing this body out for recycling INSTANTLY next Realm.

At least his older sister's rule about 'minimum dress code' when outside of Underpark had helped a LITTLE bit… At least when she threatened his 'heavy harem' that they would be banned from the upper levels of Doe Park otherwise.

So now, aside from Shirtless George, ALL the women following him were at LEAST wearing something close to a skirt and… Well, some of their torso was covered.

Which, for the record, was somehow WORSE than their prior nudity.

Because now they were tantalizing and teasing instead of posing and showing.

Damn it.

John needed a distraction.

[[Home]] turned his focus and brought his attention to… Huh? "I thought we weren't officially opening until this Monday?"

Why was a book dude and a group of teenagers wandering around the top parks today?

…Didn't matter. "Thank you, [[Home.]] Let sis know I'm going to go up there, alright?"

Feeling the building acknowledge that, John prepared himself to return to the teasing crowd of Security personnel when he blinked. "Hey, could you just have my bathroom stall open up out on top?"

Not because he wanted to flee from the crowd of loving metallic people using sign language to laugh and giggle outside the restroom.

Just for efficiency's sake.

Besides, George seemed VERY busy posing and flexing right now, it would be a shame to disturb him.

The [[Home]]... Snickered?

But more importantly, the stall door was suddenly different and FREEDOM! "George, I'll be just a moment, alright?"

The metal guy knocked on the wall once in agreement. "Great, I really needed this bathroom break for toilet reasons and stuff. Lots of pooping I need to do. It could take quite a while!"

…Actually, how long had it been since his hyper efficient Body had even required a real Bathroom break? Weeks?

Whatever. Time to escape!

John grinned as he opened the bathroom stall door and was now exiting a boulder topside.

Sure, he would have to appease his new groupie crowd later and probably get convinced to provide a few more massages in apology, but some sacrifices were worth it to avoid reality for a bit. "Hello! Welcome to Doe Park, although we aren't technically having the grand opening until after the weekend."

An aggressive and short blond hair girl stomped over to him. "YOU! Did YOU trick my MOTHER into joining a sex cult!?"

Huh? "Not personally?" Um. "When did she join?" Oh! "And which one was she theoretically tricked into becoming a member of?"

That seemed to catch the teenager off guard. "Which one?"

John nodded as the others in her group caught up to the surprisingly fast little lady. "Aside from the clubs, the erotic literature groups, and the many sub-cults that have recently moved in… We actually have a new church of lust or two that are trying to gather a congregation. If we are going to get to the bottom of all that, it would be faster if I knew where to start looking."

The adult community in this town was VERY active.

The short but VERY attractive blond gaped with her mouth open! "WHAT!?"

Didn't he have a pamphlet? One of the ones his sister banned from being handed out to people outside of the Underpark?

Ah, here it is! "Look through this list, tell me if any of them sound familiar. Then we can go check in on your mom and make sure she joined her sex cult of her own free will and stuff… After all, there are rules about this sort of thing! Cheating others or tricking people would be a Hostile action, and Hostility is NOT allowed here at Doe Park!"

…For some reason the group seemed shocked about this.

The British book man was the first to recover, as he quickly put a hand on the shocked teenager's shoulder. "There are rules against tricking people here?"

Best clarify everything first, just to be safe. "I mean, mostly. A lot of buying stuff involves minor amounts of lying or at least heavily exaggerating some stuff to some extent, like when they claim a new soap will 'Always get rid of stains' or whatever, but that doesn't count. If we kicked out every customer or sales person who stretched the truth I'm sure it would cause a mess."

If you DID try to pull that shit though, the Iron Golems would pretty quickly gather around your stall and keep an eye on you.

Bartering was one thing, false promises and products were another. "No, I mean if anyone tries to force you to buy or sell something, or to steal your stuff, or wants to hurt you? All that stuff is forbidden here. Attempting to trick someone into servitude or slavery or politics is a big no-no. Same with attempting to fool them OUT of that sort of thing, if it is against their will."

The taller teenager in a loud Hawaiian shirt tilted his head. "So… The 'sex cult' thing is real then?"

Short and blond turned to glare at him! "Not NOW Xander!" Turning back to John, she glared with purpose! "I am here to stop your evil plans and save EVERYONE from your sex themed and perverse plots to corrupt my mother!"

John blinked. "Corrupt your mother? Doe Park itself doesn't allow anything like that outside of the Underpark to begin with. Plus, as I said before: Anything involving more than one person requires uncoerced consent and willing participants. We are a family friendly place, you see."

The Hawaiian kid raised a hand. "Do you have another one of those pamphlets?"

"I want one too!"

The brightly blushing girl next to him squeaked and tried to hide behind her hair. "Just… For research reasons. And to fight evil and bad guys and stuff and..." Her voice got quieter and quieter.

British guy groaned. "Buffy Summers."

The tiny terror twisted from her glaring at John. "WHAT GILES!?"

The man sighed. "Maybe you should first let us all introduce ourselves… And more importantly, allow this young man to introduce HIMSELF as well?"

The girl, apparently 'Buffy', blinked. "Huh?"

'Giles' began cleaning his glasses. "I highly doubt the young boy you are attempting to intimidate is in any way involved with any of the activities you believe your mother to be at risk towards. Please, just… Give us a moment to actually find the people in charge of the park and actually begin the meeting with Ms. Doe that we were already invited to have."

Buffy nearly snarled. "But MOM…"

Giles gave her a look. "She will be better served by us having calm minds and clear heads than by having her daughter randomly threaten children for simply being in the general area."

The towering cloud of rage seemed to partially clear as the short but well proportioned blond blinked… And turned back to John. "Ah… Oh. Um… Sorry for the… Uh. Shouting in your face. And stuff. I… I am just… It's my mom, you know?"

John shrugged. "Not really? I don't have parents."

The teenager flinched. "Ah."

…A bit of an awkward pause came around for some reason.

Anyway! "So… My name is John! John Doe!" He pointed around. "I made the park! It's Doe Park! It's for me and my sister!"

There, that should explain most of the situation. "And you are Buffy, the Hawaiian guy is Xander, the British book dude is apparently Giles, and the adorable embarrassed girl over there is about to faint."

Xander blinked. "Huh? Oi, you alright Wills!?"

Moving on! John started walking towards one of the nearest entrances. "Follow me! Let's go find my sister, Jessica. She can probably tell us which sex cult your mom was tricked into, allegedly."

Buffy seemed caught between emotions for some reason as she followed his guidance, but the mention of her mother helped ground her a bit. "Your sister will know?"

Of course she would! Probably. "Considering how often my sister ends up hanging around the Underpark, I'm sure she knows MOST of the sex clubs down there. Especially since she's the one in charge of bringing all the new people and employees into the Park. I just build stuff."

Oops, needed to change directions. "On second thought, let's head over that way instead before my security harem catches up to us. It won't delay us THAT long to reach sis even with an extra turn or two along the way."

Xander stumbled for some reason, but his fainting friend Wills managed to keep them both up and following along.

Now let's find that sex cult!