John happily hummed as he watched the meat roast.

He was cheating.

Heavily.

See, issues came up when you were working with larger amounts of mass during the cooking process.

It took longer to heat it up. The heat penetrated from the outside in, and not at a constant rate. It did NOT stop cooking when you REMOVED the heat, at which point the food would COOL DOWN from the outside in.

The math was complicated, so most recipes skipped it. They asked for a rough weight of what you were cooking, tried it a bunch of times to give workable cooking time and temperatures, and then scaled the precision down so you got 'passable results' instead of 'cutting edge astoundingness'.

Basically, from a purely scientific view alone, they've set up a series of standardized steps that idiots could follow and hopefully not kill themselves.

MANY times, the times involved could be adjusted or the temperatures selected altered during the process to result in certain levels of improvement…

But at the same time, you run the suddenly increased risk of the amateur cook undercooking something or burning a dish.

Anyway, all that aside?

John was cheating.

Heating up the meat from all points at the same time. Impossible? Yep.

Instantly DROPPING the heat EVENLY when it reaches 'doneness', which is slightly more than you would expect because most recipes ask you to stop while it still has cooking to do so that the end product will end up ready to eat thanks to the leftover energy involved.

VERY impossible, thermodynamics probably wants to bitch slap John for that one.

Stopping time entirely for the now 'warm but not HOT' ready to eat final dish…

Well, at least it was practical.

Otherwise, by the time people finished carving up the outside of the car size steak, the inside would not only go cold but would begin the countdown towards spoilage.

So uh, why NOT slowly unlock the passage of time as the finished dish was being consumed or served up?

That way you'd have a bite of warm and delicious garlic butter dino steak bites that tasted JUST as amazing a few weeks from now as when it was first served!

Anyway, good food and oversized food was a hard thing to cross over WITHOUT a lot of cheating, so John was just going to pretend some of this was possible without him nudging reality a little.

For example, seasoning. The larger the meat, the less surface area there was compared to the massive volume within… So John just saturating the slab of Dino steak with seasonings by overlapping it dimensionally and then allowing the conflict to resolve itself into a single space?

Cheating.

LOTS of cheating.

Also it was introducing a certain amount of risk along the way, considering that he was using some spices and seasonings formed from Essence material and that stuff had a tendency to self-adjust as required retroactively to produce the best results…

Long story short: The various meat dishes were impossible to season, prepare, cook, or hold for transport or consumption while ALSO being Consceputally tastier than logic or reality was ready for.

Which, again: Cheating.

BUT, and this was the important bit: Probably not addictive. Or mind altering. Hopefully.

However, there was at least one detriment to all this experimentation…

Uncomfortable truths.

John stared at the slowly roasting meat and sighed. "Jessica, I think I've come to a horrendous discovery."

[[Jessica: Hmm? What is it, John?]]

He poked the van sized chunk of Crafted meat. "When it comes to cooking, smaller may be better."

It was all really reflected in the data, honestly. "For normal animals, each muscle has a different density or texture and fat content, determined by the diet and activity levels of the creature before being butchered."

Which was obvious in retrospect. "So meat slice choices with more than one muscle, like a T-Bone steak for example, have optimal cooking times that vary between sections of the single meal. Cook one side to perfection, the other will be raw or overdone."

The boy couldn't help but frown as he adjusted the salt content of this section of dinosaur roast. "That aside, smaller chunks of the SAME muscle will cook at the same faster rate, more easily handle brining or braising or marinades, finish cooking faster, preventing the meat from drying out or destroying the texture… And by ratio alone? It will form a more delicious crust on the surface with smaller cubes compared to some larger dish like roasting a whole chicken or turkey or suckling pig."

It felt wrong, somehow. "I'm pretty sure the secret to cooking, the king of techniques… Is the art of the Shish Kabob."

[[Jessica: …You mean for dinosaur meat?]]

He shook his head. "Nope. For everything. I'll need to do far more experimentation, but when it comes to cooking things on a stick? I'm pretty sure it will always be easier to prepare, easier to cook, and easier to consume. Tastier too, due to the lowered risk of mistakes during the process."

[[Jessica: Um. When you say everything…]]

John nodded. "Fish, vegetables, cheese… In fact, I'd put my money on cooking a Turkey via Shish Kabob being faster, easier, and far simpler to properly serve compared to grilling the stupid thing for five or more hours."

[[Jessica: But like… Drumsticks.]]

…Fair point. "I guess I do prefer gnawing on one of those even if the meat would theoretically taste better if I cubed it up and kabobbed it."

[[Jessica: Yep! Sometimes doing everything the most optimal or 'best' way is less fun than getting messy eating a sloppy joe. Life is like that sometimes.]]

…ALSO a fair point. "So I'm pretty sure THIS will be done cooking in a few minutes or so…" Again, John was VERY much cheating with reality right now. "...How are the side dishes coming along?"

[[Grace: I've made several pounds of Corn Soufflé, Ranch Potatoes as well as Loaded Baked Potato Salad, Garlic Bread, Macaroni and Cheese, Grilled Corn with Cotija and Quicos…]]

[[Jessica: Oh dear… Maybe this is too much food to bring over for our visit…]]

[[Temptation: WHAT!? But that's just the lame side dishes! I've been Crafting up ALL SORTS of awesome desserts, we can't just stop NOW!]]

True. "Plus I can just push anything we don't end up eating with a Stasis-like effect! I've been studying that scary statue thing that splintered my personal time axis matrix, and I'm pretty sure I can use it to make sure any leftover potatoes or whatever don't go bad even if no one can finish it all."

Well, uh… he SAID he'd been studying the stupid thing, but it was more that John had been secretly snacking on fragments of the dude for a few hours now. Mmm, cursed metal soaked in demonic Magic…

Oops, time to rotate the roast! "I can't wait to surprise Zatanna with all this…"

~~~Pocket System~~~

The magical girl in question entered the living room, her FAR more relaxed mother enjoying some tomb of unreadable lore. "Hey, mom?"

Her mother blinked. "Yes dear?"

Play it cool. "Is it alright if my friend comes over for dinner? John has a…" Wait, had he ever actually DESCRIBED what animal was coming? "An egg or something that he is going to be dropping off, and so…"

The woman paused at that… "John Doe? The 'young man' has an egg for you?"

Huh? Why did she look so concerned? "Yeah, he didn't know what to do with it and I didn't want him to EAT the thing, so I thought I'd best take care of it."

She set aside her book entirely. "Dear… Aren't you too young to be a mother?"

Zatanna stared at her in confusion. "I mean, I'd just thought getting another familiar would be alright considering I bonded well with my baby rabbit Pocus…"

…And suddenly her mom looked VERY relieved! "Oh good! I thought John was going to… Well, um, nevermind. Just remember: Don't be in a rush for every helpful young man that shows up with eggs to be inserted… Places…"

…What?

Her mother winced. "I had a coworker once have a fling with a very nice bipedal entity, but you really need to communicate with your partner before the brain babies come along or it causes ALL sorts of relationship issues and…"

WHAT!? EWW! "MOM! He FOUND an egg after the parents died and wanted to know if I wanted to use it as a familiar! It isn't HIS child or anything like that!"

Sindella Zatara hummed at that. "Well, adoption is fine too of course…"

Oh for pete's sake! "It is just a potential animal companion, mom. It's not like an actual person or whatever!"

That got her a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Well doi! "Yes."

The eyebrow stayed raised. "And John Doe himself confirmed this? He said it was 'just an animal'? After all: More than one species, alien and magical, procreate via eggs you know. You shouldn't judge someone as 'not a person' just by the method of their birth."

Huh? "But he said…" Oh. Shit, she actually had NO CLUE what the hell was IN this egg, she'd just ASSUMED it was some sort of bird. Crap! "He mentioned the species at least, I think… Um, have you ever heard of something called the 'Parvicursor Remotus'?"

Her mom blinked. "Sounds like latin… 'Small Runner'? What is it running from? Or towards?"

No clue. "John said it normally is, like… 15 inches long? But this one might be larger, because EVERYTHING is larger in the place where he found it…"

Another nod. "And where did he find it?"

Some of her growing panic must have shown, because her mother sighed. "You still have your mailbox, yes? Why not ASK the young man for more information? As well as when he plans to visit for dinner, so I can pick up some more groceries beforehand."

THAT MAILBOX! "Be right back mom, I need to send a few notes real quick!"

John, WHAT the hell were you going to be bringing over here!? She was WAY too young to be a mother!

~~~Pocket System~~~

Sindella watched with some amusement as her little one scurried out of the room, nearly smacking into her father during her escape.

Giovanni walked in confused, glancing back at his fleeing child. "Anything I should be aware of?"

Hmm. "Apparently young John will be visiting for dinner sometime soon."

She grinned as his face flickered from gratefulness at the impossible unfindable entity that had saved his daughter and healed his wife… And the suspicious rage of a father when any young boy attempts to spend time with HIS little baby girl!

It was adorable.

Eventually her man forced himself to show something approaching neutrality. "I see. I hear he wishes to learn more about magic in general?"

She picked up her discarded lore tomb and kept an eye on her husband with a smirk. "Well, yes… Though he also wishes for our daughter to take care of his egg for him."

The man froze.

Hee hee! "I honestly didn't expect to be a grandmother so soon, but the thought of adorable little grandbabies to spoil seems rather lovely…"

Oh look at his face twitch! "I'm sorry. What. I must be going senile. Could you repeat that."

…Hmm. Maybe she had pushed that teasing a touch too far… Best cut the fun short. "Her friend John Doe has found an orphaned egg and offered to allow Zatanna to bond with it as a familiar."

Visibly her paranoid hubby slouched in relief… Before freezing once more. "What SORT of eggs? What kind of 'orphaned egg' would an outer GOD encounter!?"

She blinked… Oh. Right, John wasn't JUST an odd boy and family friend and benefactor.

He was an unknowable existence beyond all mortal understanding.

How was it even POSSIBLE for something like that to slip her mind?

Suddenly the teasing she had been giving her little girl earlier seemed FAR more plausible than she'd originally intended.

Oops?