To be perfectly honest, Caelus was not the bright star in the boundless universe. Oh he had a good head on his shoulders, was always willing to help someone out with a problem or two, and was generally a person you wooldn't NOT pick when exploring. It's just that… he very much preferred brute force- with notable preference given to his trusty signature baseball bat- to any kind of strategic planning, or really planning at all.
Gigantic beast on the space station proclaiming doomsday? Hit it with a bat!
A Supreme Leader of the past becoming a weird ice creature? Shatter her with your bat (and your sword wreathed in flames).
Ally turned enemy thanks to an extremely sudden neck snap? Prepare to feel the wrath of the Galactic Baseballer!
That was Caelus- Smash first, ask questions later~ It what made him such good friends with March 7th for one, and it was a solution to all kinds of problems. Anything that would come up now wasn't going trouble him for too long, a few whacks and problem solved! A foolproof plan!
….Well, not really.
"Caelus! A package came for you!" No mistaking that shrill voice. The conductor of the Astral Express and local 'wait, what the hell even ARE you' individual, the cute and iconic Pom-Pom proclaims with a shout, rushing to the young man.
"Hm, a package?' He mused aloud. "From who? Also where is it?"
"Ah ah ah~" Pom-Pom thrusts out a fluffy limb, taking on a disapproving 'tsk' expression. "Rule #1 of packages: Never look at their details if they're not addressed to you! …But it's not dangerous, don't worry about that~ And as for the where, earlier we wheeled to your cabin. You can thank Pom-Pom and Dan Heng later!"
My cabin…? Oh right! Some time ago, it came to Caelus' attention… that he doesn't really… have a room on the Express. Whoops. He actually thought that it was a massive joke at first - one of those 'how long will it take for him to ask about it' things - but as it turned out, Pom-Pom literally just forgot to assign him one. Now this wasn't initially a problem, he was happy to use the couch in the main car as a defacto bed! But after experiencing a weird dream there upon arriving to Penacony, coupled with a few other oddities, a decision was made to finally gift the fifth Nameless a new room!
And so, with a thank-you to the Express' mascot and a head full of wondering at what could be waiting to surprise him, Caelus headed off.
Not even thinking about how weird the word choice of 'wheeling' was.
"What the-?! What the heck is this?"
It's a good thing the second passenger car in the Express had gone unused for quite some time, nobody was around to hear the Trailblazer's yelp. As soon as he slid open the musty cabin door, it was immediately obvious that this wasn't going to be a normal 'gift'. A wooden box, one that closer inspection would reveal it to be out of the finest wood in the Loafu, it stood tall... and quite imposing. Taller than him, if only just. A set of four oval-shapes holes at the top, high enough to prevent Caelus from using them to look inside. Despite this height, it wasn't very wide or long…barely smaller than the door it had somehow squeezed its' way though.
So, somebody sent him a pillar. Or a giant lowercase 'l' for him to hold?
As for Caelus' first move? Well, true to the introduction to this story, the initial thought for the hero of multiple worlds… was to hit it really hard with his bat. But then of course, rational thought won out. Thankfully, the side of this box that was facing him was marked with helpful arrows, indicating precisely where to place his hands, assisting the grey-haired man in removing the lid in a spectactular -nonviolent way. Now with a huge wooden door in his hands blocking sight, Caelus takes a few cautious steps backwards, excitement already swirling inside. What if the item inside is a brand-spanking new baseball bat? Or a loving trash can for him to admire? Or what if…it was both? A bat inside a trash can?
He puts the last obstacle to truth down with a toss - and looks back at the now-open box.
….His jaw hits the floor.
It wasn't a can, or a bat, or even an item.
It was…a person.
A person Caelus knew very well.
It was Guinaifen.
A completely naked Guinaifen.
To say Caelus was shocked would be an understatement. A massive, massive understatement. He was so shocked that if he went into the ocean, he would instantly kill all the fish in the surrounding area. He felt his breathing quicken, his throat get drier than the biggest desert, and more goosebumps pop up than during all his time at Belabog.
Honestly, he kind of felt like it was a miracle that the Stellaron inside of him didn't react to this whirlwind of blows to his equilibrium and dramatically explode, ending them all.
No matter how many times he did a double (or triple) take, pinched his side, or even slapped himself, the present refused to change. He didn't even know if he wanted it to actually. But whether he did or not, it was irrelevant. There was no mistaking that distinct red hair, her slim figure, and most notably- the signature mallet and gong that came with the box- and the person. This was without a doubt, Guinaifen, Xianzhou performer, social media whiz, heliobi hunter extraordinaire, and great friend of Caelus.
Naked, eyes screwed shut, and in a cardboard box. Yup.
She didn't stir at him dropping to the floor in shock either, her faint breaths providing nothing beyond proof of life. At the same time though, she looked at peace, as if the only issue here was that she picked a really inconvenient location for a nice nap. Unfortunately (though was it actually) Caelus needed to figure out just what in the world was going on. So with a loud gulp and a prayer to the Aeons not to smite him, he slowly stood back up.
Guinaifen's form was extremely easy to burn into his mind, the Nameless found himself to definitely be appreciating the candy present despite his morals. After all even with her eyes closed, it was all too easy to imagine her addicting smile shining brilliantly at him~ The lower Caelus' view scanned, the hotter he felt. Those shapely breasts…the flat tummy with just the right amount of muscle on her sides… and the pair of long luscious legs, supported by firm hips perfect for-
Wait a fucking minute.
Is that a fucking note taped to her crotch?!
Caelus blinked again- but nothing changed again. The black ink helped him make sure that he, was indeed, looking at a message. And as for what the message was?
Well for the sake of his sanity, he had to remove it from his friend first and then read it… So with a tremendously shaky hand… Guinaifen's most private space was invaded, outstretched fingers quickly put in a spot where a mere twitch would get him sent straight to oblivion by every female he's ever met…!
So did he complete the side quest on the first try?
No, that was her thigh he grazed over.
…
That was her butt.
….
And that was a secret spot he'd take to the grave.
RIIP
Got it! Retreating as fast as lightning (and suppressing the strong urge to think more about the note's specific placement), Caelus looks at his hand. What secrets were moments away from revealing themselves? Would this provide the vitally-needed context for the current otherworldly situation….?
Well, actually, yes it would! In only two words and one signature to boot!
Have fun~
Kafka
….
A part of Caelus' brain died.
But- a much stronger part of his brain dragged him forward. With speed that was downright inhuman- and ignoring the deep gasps for air he was suddenly desperate for - Caelus whipped out his phone, swiping over to his list of contacts. Honestly, he never was quite sure how half these people got his number, but it wasn't worth thinking about. The strangest addition of them all was the one he needed right now.
After fighting a not-insignificant urge to text the words 'thank you' in the chat, he decided on his attitude.
Kafka. How.
Not long after, a response came - as if the Stellaron Hunter on the other end knew that this was precisely going to happen now.
Good evening to you too, Trailblazer~
Of course it wasn't going to be so simple. Admitting something like this over text? Not without a little prodding.
Didn't think you guys would ever do something as blatant as kidnapping.
Another quick reply… clearly she wasn't busy.
Kidnapping? You wound me Caelus. I would never do anything to harm you~ The message was followed with an emote- of Kafka herself, winking.
Ok, I believe you. X.
Luckily for the conversation's flow, Kafka understood his meaning (probably due to Silver Wolf's influence) and sure enough-
I'm serious~ I searched high and low for a way to apologize for all that Loafu business, but I just couldn't... A shame… That is, until fortune smiled upon me~ A video, here you go.
Sure enough, the next message contained a frozen image with a familiar 'play' icon in the center. Disregarding the worry that he was about to click on a link from a Stellaron Hunter, Caelus impatiently tapped the icon twice. Only to be very confused- the video was only one second long. Featuring nothing more than-
SNAP
Kafka's hand snapping her fingers. The Trailblazer was not amused.
Whoops. Wrong link. Oh well.
And now he really was not amused, but the message continued.
I met your cute redhead friend after that, and we got to talking. The conversation was very riveting- especially when the topic of you came up~ I didn't realize it was possible for the face to brighten so much.
Caelus felt something change within him. Kafka and Guinaifen, together? Talking about him…? Why? And how does that relate to what was happening now?
The next message from Kafka took a bit longer to arrive.
Sorry darling, but I have to run. You'll have to ask her your questions for now.
He instantly wrote back. What? What do you mean, he-
The question was born, answered, and died in about two seconds. Caelus looked up on pure instinct, and found the golden eyes of one Guinaifen to be looking right back at him. Her mouth opened into a happy smile, sending not only drool from lip to lip and then chin, but also a few words, loosely tumbling out without a second thought.
"Hey there Trailblazer~"
If this was one of those classic animes, this would approximately be the part where his redheaded friend, after a sleepy yawn, would realize that she's completely naked in front of a member of the opposite sex. She would blush, scream, and probably slap him right across the face with no hesitation- and that's if was lucky! But instead of all that, the Loafu woman just meandered out of her previous location. Like nothing was wrong.
Except…this was very wrong, right? 'G-Guinafen?!"
She smiled at him once again. "Caelus? What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?! Do you even know where you are?"
Guinafen took a slow, dull look around the admittedly-barren room. "Ah. According to Mistress Kafka, this is your new room isn't it? Nice~"
There was a lot to unpack from that, like how did Kafka know about the status of what was going on in the Express, but Caelus couldn't focus on that. "M-Mistress Kafka?!"
"Mm-hm~ Everything is going as she said it would."
And that's when Caelus noticed- almost behind Guinaifen's pupils, blending in with its' natural golden color- was a white line… a spiral actually. It swirled and swirled, showing no signs of fading anytime soon. That was all it took for him to understand.
"Oh gods…! You've been dominated! Just hold tight, it should go away if we wait two turns-"
"No Caelus, don't worry~" She said, taking a step towards him. "I asked for Mistress Kafka's blessing."
"What do you-"
"Did she not send the video?"
He was about to tell her that Kafka messed up and posted the wrong link, but he decided to double-check. Good thing too!
Found it. Here
Kafka had posted again when he wasn't looking, evidently with the needed backstory…this time the video was substantially longer than one second. And with the same lack of care for viruses and spam, Caelus clicked the awfully-familiar thumbnail.
It was clear from the way the beginning began in medias res that it was a clip, but of what? Well, the silver-haired man was surprised to see…himself stepping into frame. The camera jostling indicated a change of hands too, so what was going on? This was starting to feel familiar…
"Alright! This question comes from one of our loyal viewers, who asks…!" That perky voice from off-screen… no mistaking it! THAT was how Guinaifen normally sounded, not in this sleepy drawl she was using now. "I often see Little Gui together with this tall grey-haired hot guy. Is he single?"
He remembered now. This was him and Guinaifen doing a special Q&A to celebrate the ghost-hunting channel reaching 100,000 subscribers. Meaning if he was recalling right-
"I'm single." Past Caelus confirmed, putting a hand to the back of his head- while Present Caelus sighed in relief. Good, no memory alteration or video corruption. Back to the video, Guinaifen's voice eagerly kept the conversation going, teasing him about a blush that of course wasn't there.
Eventually the camera was put back on the actual streamer and the clip ended. Caelus raised an eyebrow at Guinaifen… only to immediately blush and look away, reminded of her state of (no) dress.
"Do you see now?"
"..,." He was bit slow, but not stupid.
"Aw~ You were cute when you blushed back then, and you're cute now~!" Guinaifen took another step forward, now practically rubbing against his clothes.
"Guinaifen, are you serious…?"
"Yes."
"That's why you are ok with Kafka doing…this?"
"Absolutely~"
"Um… ok, but uh…. You could've just texted me, you know? This couldn't be that important…."
"…"
"G-Guinaifen? Did you hear me? Little Gui…-"
Caelus leans in ever so slightly… and that's how he sees. Rosy lips from the dominated redhead move extremely little- yet extremely quickly. The expelled breath of air tickles his ears, but he can't make her words out- she's whispering too much. So he gets even closer, pushing well past 'personal space' limitations again….
"Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex~"
Seriously, HOW was the Stellaron not annihilating them all right now?!
"…w-what…?"
"I wanted to play it cool." And now Guinaifen begins the final move, slowly wrapping herself around the Nameless. "Ask about your relationship status at 100,000…and at one million… confess…" She buries her head in his shirt before looking up. "But, I didn't get the chance… 'it's alright' I told myself. Maybe it's better this way, Sushang might have feelings too… I wouldn't want to get in the way..."
Her hands touch each other- and Caelus' back. "But that… was an excuse… I was scared. Timid. Afraid that you would look back at our adventures with only disgust if you knew…how I really felt…"
"But Mistress Kafka… she removed that apprehension… she encouraged me…! She developed the perfect plan to get the two of us alone!"
"Ngh...Gui…naifen…" There was nothing Caelus could do- either to escape, or to hide a certain hardened body part down below. Being hugged by a naked hottie like Guinaifen would've done that to anyone. Or, at least, that was the excuse he would go with in the future.
"So…please…. Please, please, please…" One more element gets added to the streamer's golden eyes here- a fiercely burning fire, dancing along with the ever-present spiral.
"Make me yours Caelus…"
A soft plea against his ears. Two soft breasts on his chest. And a very, very hard member in between her legs.
What was there left for the Nameless to do except… nod.
Hours after her last conversation, Kafka awoke with a lazy yawn. There, she rolled over to her phone- and was not surprised by what she saw in the least.
Guinaifen had sent a photo.
In the background was Caelus, lying down on an apparent bed. The photo cut off the rest, but the boy's chest was on full display, open nakedness providing a smirk from the Stellaron Hunter- especially as he appeared to be sleeping away peacefully. And in the foreground? Her little hothead- flashing a peace sign directly at the camera. Again it was cut off, but the implication of the girl's nudity was extremely easy to guess.
The message accompanying this masterpiece? Two words, one signature.
Thanks Mistress!
-Guinaifen
Kafka chortled In response. Genuine thanks to a Stellaron Hunter? Now she'd seen it all~
Still it wasn't the worst feeling in the world… maybe she'd "help" Caelus more often..