Fragments of Us
Part 2
May, 1979
The first month of her residency was kicking her ass, and Kaya loved every minute of it. The MD after her name still felt shiny and new, the badge she'd spent so many years working to get. The move to Tokyo had gone as smoothly as something like it could with an infant. Suoh was enjoying the city, though he missed bumping around in his studio with his buddy. But he could always go back to visit if he got restless. And Kaya… she was tired from all the hustle and chaos, but it was the best kind of tired that came with accomplishment and knowing she'd made a few lives better this week with the skills she'd honed.
Now at the end of her week, she wanted to just come home and give some time to her own family. She would miss dinner, but still get there in time to put Ami to bed. Then she could give some time to Suoh and let him really tell her what he'd been up to rather than just exchanging abbreviated sentences as they ran by each other.
The certified letter laying unopened on the side table was not how she'd anticipated starting off their evening of pleasant catch up conversation. Yet, here she was.
The letter was addressed only to Suoh and was very obviously from a collection agency. That it had been shunted aside like a piece of junk mail annoyed her more than the letter itself. She held it up, eyebrows raised.
On the couch flipping through the tv channels, with Ami in her playpen not far from him, he didn't look directly at her when he answered. He tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, but she could see the embarrassment mixed in with annoyance at having to talk about it. Which he was apparently going to try and avoid.
"I know it's there. Don't worry about it. It's my problem."
"Your…" Kaya started, but stopped herself. She took a deep breath, then walked over to the playpen and picked up Ami. "We'll talk about this after I put her to bed."
She took the letter with her as he didn't seem to be concerned with opening it. Kaya left it until after Ami had been changed into her footie pajamas - the pink ones with the ladybug embroidered on one side - and they'd read their bedtime story. Ami's joyful fascination at the way the fuzzy caterpillar ate the banana leaves greatly tempered Kaya's mood. The baby's peaceful breathing as she drifted off to sleep wore off the final edge of her anger. Kaya rubbed Ami's back just a bit more until she was sure she was asleep, then picked up the letter and went to talk to Suoh.
She could smell the cigarette smoke on him when she stepped back into the livingroom. He didn't do that often anymore, which meant he was nervous. This… was not going to be good.
"Okay," she began as she took a seat in the chair furthest from his end of the couch, "I'm annoyed, but I'm not angry."
Suoh huffed. "You don't have to talk to me like I'm a misbehaved child."
Kaya's posture straightened, and her annoyance broke through her forced neutral expression. "Then as an adult you realize that 'your' problems are 'our' problems because we're married. And as an adult, you know you can't just ignore this. How many loans have you and Kozu taken out? Because the only one I remember you mentioning was the mortgage for the studio."
Shuffling uncomfortably under her gaze, Suoh started picking at one of the throw pillows. "We needed some extra to cover stuff, for some repairs and supplies. And then Ami and the move happened. Income kind of tapered off more than we anticipated, so we… needed to shift stuff around some. And then… a little more."
"When was the last time you actually made a payment on any of this?"
He ran a hand through his hair. Air blew through his lips, and he looked off to the side like he was mentally calculating as he stalled. "I don't know. Six or seven months on a few of them. We had to prioritize."
"Jesus Christ." Kaya put a hand over her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She did not want to start yelling. Really, she didn't. "You can't just not pay things. Okay, just give me a minute to think this through."
"I can handle it myself."
"Obviously not!" She threw the letter and envelope in his direction. "In the morning, I will call my accountant. You will get together every scrap of paper you have in regards to the studio and whatever the hell you and Kozu have been doing with your finances." She stood and turned to head to the bedroom. "You will call Kozu and tell him to get his ass here, and between the three of you, figure out what will make this go away. I will sign a check to cover it. We'll sell the property to recoup what we can, and after that, if you still think you need studio space, we'll find something that better suits you."
He did not try to argue as he watched her walk away and close the bedroom door behind her.
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July, 1979
The couch cushions had never felt so good as they did right at this moment. The throw pillows were in the perfect spots under her knees and head. Ami was mostly asleep on her chest, a pacifier moving in time to whatever scenes ran behind her eyes. Kaya had her eyes closed, too, enjoying the peace and silence of the darkened apartment. Just for a little while, though, until Suoh got home.
The door to the apartment opening softly brought her out of the light sleep she'd fallen into. Suoh moved slowly, turning the hall light on so he wouldn't disturb them with the brighter livingroom lights.
"Hey," he whispered as he knelt down beside them.
"Hey," she smiled back, then yawned. "What time is it?"
Suoh stroked Ami's hair and picked up the pacifier that had fallen to the floor. "Not too late." Then he grinned big and reached into the pocket of his slacks.
Kaya's brow furrowed as the ID was dangled in front of her eyes on a black lanyard. "What…?"
"So an ad firm in town was looking for an illustrator." He shrugged. "They found one."
Kaya gave him a huge smile and reached out to touch his cheek. "Congratulations. I'm proud of you. And I love you."
"Love you, too." He reached forward for a kiss, then, "I'll leave you two alone for a bit. Come to bed when you're ready."
Kaya nodded at him. She closed her eyes, happy things were getting fully back on track.
.
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September, 1979
Nothing was cooperating with her today. Kaya hurried from the parking garage to the elevator, muttering about too many squirrels in the pipes the entire way. She jingled her keys impatiently in her jacket pocket as the floors dinged off too slowly for her liking. She glanced at her watch right before the doors opened.
11:28 pm
Inside the apartment, she was careful not to slam the door in her haste. Shoes off and briefcase left haphazardly by the door, she went straight to Ami's room. She eased the door open, making her way in by just the nightlight and baby monitor indicator, carefully sidestepping the large Weeble house and upturned box of Duplex blocks that had been a birthday gift from Ami's pop-pop. Ami was soundly asleep on her stomach, her onesie unsnapped and bunched up around her hips.
Kaya lifted her carefully and bundled her into a hug, settling the baby's head on her shoulder. Ami's lips puckered, and one fist flexed just enough to tangle into Kaya's blouse, but she didn't wake up.
"Happy birthday, sweetheart," she whispered. "I'm sorry I missed so much of it, but I promise I'll do better next time." She laid a light kiss on Ami's cheek, then spent some time just walking the room with her.
The curtains hadn't been drawn, and Kaya found herself staring out the window as she rubbed Ami's back. She wasn't sure what made her think of it, but the almost forgotten tale was out of her mouth before she could think to stop it. "On a night just like this, but so long ago the universe hadn't yet been fully formed, the guardian spirit of the moon found herself sitting before a pond lamenting how lonely she was. Her Goddess, who had given her the moon and all the flora and fauna upon it, had left her without a true companion. And though her Goddess loved her very much, she had neglected her guardian's heart…"
Kaya frowned, then let out a small sigh. "Maybe tonight isn't the best for this particular story. But the bellflowers that grow around the pond and castle pillars at the end are very pretty." She pulled the curtains closed and put Ami back down in her crib, then went back to her own room.
Suoh mumbled as she pulled the covers up around her and rolled over so he could drape an arm over her waist.
"Sorry I missed the party," she said softly.
He muttered a reply she couldn't understand. Then, "I got pictures. We'll pull the leftover cake out tomorrow and take some with you. She'll never know."
"I've got rounds at seven."
That woke him up a bit more, and though her back was to him, she knew he was frowning as he turned the words over in his head. "All day?"
"Yes, all day. You know that."
He grumbled some more, then rolled back over.
Kaya pulled the covers up closer to her. She needed to get at least a few hours of sleep.
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January, 1980
In her father's arms, Ami leaned both hands against the window and looked out into the snow covered world in fascination.
"Snow," said Suoh as he tapped the glass.
"Sow." One of her hands smacked the window for emphasis, the ponytails her mother had fashioned standing almost straight up on the top of her head and waving like little pennants. Suoh just kept to himself that he thought they made her look like a blue haired papillon.
"And it makes you go brrrrrr," he added, giving a little shiver.
Ami's lips moved as she tried to imitate the sound, a string of broken r's coming out.
Suoh gave her a bounce. "You want to go play?" He gave her tummy a tickle, getting a happy giggle that he decided meant yes.
At the kitchen table, Kaya poured an entire carafe of coffee into a giant thermos and chased it with milk and sugar. She was glad to have a few days off, but her body was still trying to catch up. And she wasn't letting them go play in the snow without her.
They got Ami into her snowsuit, then Kaya wrapped a scarf around Suoh's neck. She grinned at him as she pulled him in a bit closer. "You need to stay warm, too."
He grinned back. "If I get a cold will the doctor take care of me?"
She laughed at the wink he threw at her. "I suppose I could find something to alleviate what ails you."
Suoh gave Ami a bounce. "Here that? She's going to alleviate me."
Ami blinked at him, then waved her arms in Kaya's direction. "Mama tate!"
Kaya traded her coffee thermos for Ami, gave the little girl's nose a kiss, then led them out into the bright morning snow.
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August, 1980
"Because I hated it, Kaya! It was killing me! You just can't understand!" Suoh threw his arms up, exasperated that his explanations weren't getting through to her.
Kaya kept her arms crossed tightly over her chest, ignoring how Suho's movements accidentally knocked several books off their dresser. Finding out he had quit the most promising job he'd had in his adult life - three weeks ago - had started this spiral of a shouting match. It had begun like most of their real arguments did, with Suoh hemming and hawing because he had to tell her something he knew she wasn't going to like. It had escalated as she got the details and the excuses. She had started to pace, angry that he hadn't told her or discussed it with her at all before he did it. He insisted her overly analytical brain couldn't get it. She rebutted that he needed to grow up and stop blaming everyone else for him not being able to follow through on anything.
They had circled back around to her not understanding, their volume about three times what it was at their starting point, when Kaya noticed Ami standing in the doorway.
Damn it…
The little girl had left her play spot in the livingroom and was watching them wide-eyed as she chewed anxiously on her pacifier. Kaya both cursed herself for being so careless and wondered where the pacifier had come from, because she was certain she'd thrown the last ones out months ago.
She turned from Suoh and moved to pick up Ami. "We'll come back to this later."
"No, we won't," returned Suoh. "It's done. I made enough contacts that I can get some commissions. I don't need that other job, and I don't have it any more regardless." He walked past Kaya, picking up Ami as he kept going into the hallway. "I got her. You just… do whatever."
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May, 1982
Kaya couldn't remember the last time she'd had a day entirely to herself. No patients or charts or random paperwork. Suoh had taken Ami camping - real camping in a tent, not her father's version of camping at a five star resort with valet service. Kaya wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that. She still thought Ami was too young for it, but Suoh was excited to share both his new project and the trip with her. That was why she hadn't questioned it. Things had been up and down with Suoh for so long now, that to have him consistently content and happy again was worth a little anxiety over her child's safety.
Maybe.
Kaya let out a deep breath and refocused on traffic as the light changed. She was feeling a bit restless, too, though she didn't really know what to pin it on. This ride out was, perhaps, not the wisest option to deal with it, but her course had been chosen.
A few blocks later, she was parked and opening the door to the club.
It was still relatively early for a Saturday night, but there was a decent crowd already forming. The dance floor was sparse, but active. Two middle-aged women sat at a corner booth, fingers tangled and teasing as they nursed their drinks. Kaya pushed her glasses up and smiled. She knew where that was going, and she kind of wanted their table when they left. For now, though, she found herself a seat at the bar.
"Crown and seven, please."
The bartender nodded and set about making the drink in front of her.
Kaya tried to get a feel for this new place through her view of the bartender. She was young, definitely early 20's. Short blonde hair pulled into a half ponytail. Intentionally faded black jeans and a black vest over a white t-shirt, the hint of a tattoo peeking out from the sleeve. Green eyes that held a confidence that was older than her years. Back in her college days, if she hadn't been entirely against going home with the bartender, Kaya definitely would have been up for blowing off some steam with this young woman.
She ducked her eyes and chuckled to herself. That seemed like such a long time ago. Besides, that wasn't what tonight was about. The basic blue jeans and green blouse she wore didn't invite attention, though she had spent a bit more time on her make-up than she generally would, just for fun. Being here tonight was about the anonymity. The freedom to be whoever she wanted for a few hours, no questions asked, no expectations beyond a flirty smile and a drink. Maybe also to vicariously reminisce about how easy it had been to relieve some stress when she was 19 versus how hard she was finding it now.
The bartender slid a tumbler of amber liquid to her, then leaned casually on the bar so she could more easily be heard. She offered a genuine smile as her eyes cut to Kaya's ring finger. "No judgment, but you probably want to take that off while you're here."
"Hmmm? Oh, no." Kaya's cheeks immediately went warm and she nervously started twisting her wedding ring. "That's not why I'm here. My husband is out of town for the weekend and…" She paused, then hung her head and chuckled at herself. "And that makes it sound so much worse."
The bartender laughed. "Like I said, no judgment. Everyone has their own reason for being here." She stood back up. "Lia. Flag me down when you're ready for another."
"Kaya, and thank you."
She had been right about that corner booth. It had been perfect for people watching with just enough privacy that the only attention she got was invited. Not that she had gotten much. It did feel good, though, to know she could still occasionally catch a woman's eye in a place with so many other options.
Feeling pleasant and more relaxed than she had when she started the day, Kaya opened her apartment door… and stopped.
The furniture had been rearranged to make room for a small tent. Sleeping bags were laid out inside the tent. Ami lay atop them on her stomach, surrounded by a pile of open books and chewing on the end of her sloppy ponytail. In front of the tent, newspaper had been wadded up to make a 'stone' ring that surrounded an orange and yellow construction paper fire. Suoh sat in front of it, a beer can in one hand and a marshmallow on a stick in the other. When he saw her, his eyes lit up in… relief?
"Oh, thank God you're finally home."
"Why are you home?"
Her confusion and Suoh's answer were both cut off by Ami popping out of the tent, wide-awake excitement in her blue eyes. "Mama!"
Kaya caught the little girl as she flung herself at her, picking her up and giving her a tight hug. "Hi, baby. I'm so surprised to see you're home already."
Ami nodded enthusiastically.
"Guess who slept on the entire ride home?" He eyed Kaya up and down, getting his first good look at her. Then he smirked. "And what have you been up to tonight?"
Kaya could feel the color rising in her cheeks. "I went out for a drink. Alone."
That made Suoh laugh. He tilted his beer can at her. "I'm not worried about that, Kaya. Even when you're mad at me, I don't worry about that."
She grinned sheepishly, and then Ami was demanding her attention again.
Putting both hands on her mother's cheeks and looking directly at her, Ami asked very seriously. "Why is it green?"
Suoh threw back a slug of beer. "Do not tell her you don't know."
Confused by both of them, Kaya asked, "Why is what green?"
"The bottom of the flower," answered Ami as if this should be obvious.
"Oh, um… chlorophyll? I think." She looked over at Suoh and got a shrug.
"This is why we came home." He sounded exhausted when he said it.
"Because she wanted to know why plants are green?"
"Because she absolutely lost it when I couldn't immediately answer her questions." Suoh pulled the marshmallow off the end of his stick and started sandwiching it between chocolate and graham crackers just to give his hands something to do. "She didn't like any of what I told her, and she just kept asking me questions I couldn't answer for hours nonstop. I can usually stop her tantrums, but this time it just kept getting worse until she was shrieking and crying. I think at one point she started holding her breath, she got so red-faced."
Kaya's brow furrowed. This was the first she'd heard about Ami having any kind of tantrums. She asked a lot of questions, yes. All three-year-olds did. But she wasn't having meltdowns waiting for the answers.
Ami, who had been entirely ignoring her parents as she tried to form this new word, looked back at her mother with an identical furrowed brow. "Say it again, mama."
"Chlor…"
"Cor…" repeated Ami, her brow relaxing and the corners of her mouth turning into a smile
"O."
"O," with a little bit of a giggle.
"Phyll."
"Phyll." A proud grin for having learned a new word. Then, "Why is the top pink?"
"You mean the petals?" asked Kaya. When Ami nodded, she had to concede defeat. "We'll have to look that one up."
Ami wiggled to get down and took Kaya's hand to pull her over to the tent. "Find it in my books, please."
"Grab one and come sit by the fire," quipped Suoh, his relief that Kaya could handle this visible as he relaxed. "I'm making s'mores. You missed the hot dogs."
"Sorry I missed such a gourmet meal," returned Kaya playfully.
Inside the tent, she looked around to see if Ami had any books that might answer some of her questions. The selection was quite eclectic - Ami had chosen anything with a flower on it without regard to the actual subject. Kaya was glad she couldn't read more than a few words yet given one of the novels she'd picked. She had picked the correct volume of the encyclopedia for flowers, though, so Kaya figured they would start there.
Once they were seated in front of the pretend fire, her on a pillow beside Suoh and Ami in her lap flipping through the encyclopedia, Kaya looked over at Suoh and his half-eaten s'more. "This is pretty impressive improvising."
Suoh smiled and shrugged. "I do think she liked the camping. Plus, I had to distract her because mama wasn't home to fix everything."
"If I had known…"
He tapped her foot with his. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that." He smirked. "So, did you go and… how did you used to put it? Try a different flavor?"
"Yes, and also yes, I have phrased it similarly to that."
He laughed at her embarrassment, then handed her a s'more. "Damn, Ishida, I go away for two days… You're as bad as I am when it comes to looking at pretty women."
Kaya returned the foot nudge. "No one is as bad as you, Mizuno. But at least you hooked the best one."
Instead of moving her foot away, she left hers resting against his. This was what they had been missing, the friendship where they could tease each other and just relax without the concerns of the rest of the world. Now if she could figure out how to find her friend and bring him out from behind her husband, they could get back to the things that made everything work.
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June, 1982
She'd had to creatively rearrange some things for this afternoon, but getting off a bit early to go pick up Ami was worth it.
Her preschool teacher was all compliments as she walked Kaya to the classroom. From the far side of the room, she watched Ami play at the arts and crafts table. There were two Playdough flowers in front of her, and she was working on a third in between annoyedly brushing long, stray locks of hair out of her eyes. Apparently the braid wasn't working for her any better than the ponytail or the headband.
One of the little girls next to her started looking around for something, and Ami stopped what she was doing to hand her a lump of red Playdough. The girl smiled brightly at her, then asked something. Ami's face lit up as she excitedly picked up the white flower she'd modeled and started in on her answer.
The teacher smiled. "I think her new favorite word is photosynthesis. The other children are fascinated."
So was Kaya, because she wasn't really sure where Ami was picking all of this up. It definitely wasn't from Suoh, and she didn't think the reading they'd done was this detailed.
"She's getting along with them alright?"
"Oh, definitely," assured the teacher. "She's a bit shy, and it takes some coaxing to get her out of her shell, but she's one of the best behaved children in the classroom. We don't have any problems at all."
Kaya nodded, wondering how much of that was a stock answer.
The teacher reached into the pocket on the front of her smock and pulled out a hair tie with a white daisy on the soft band. "Though she did pull this out early this morning and wouldn't let me put it back in."
"I'm going to have to take her to get it cut, I suppose," answered Kaya, a touch of disappointment in her voice. She let out a rueful chuckle. "I asked my mother to cut my hair once when I was little. Then I cried for a week because I hated it so much. But my daughter is her own person. I am going to miss the pretty hair ties and pigtails, though."
The teacher laughed with her, then went to collect Ami and her things.
x
At midday in the middle of the week, the library was almost empty, which was what Kaya was counting on. She didn't get to come here often, but there were two well-worn chairs near the back that were under the perfect reading window. She was sure Ami would like this, and it could be a good place for them when they had a chance to spend some time together.
They walked the stacks, picking out a pile of books to take over to the reading corner. Kaya placed them all on the floor between the chairs, then picked Ami up and set her in one of the chairs.
"Do you like it?"
Ami nodded, then got immediately annoyed as her hair fell into her eyes. She started swiping it back and finally got it where she wanted it.
Kaya knelt down in front of her and pulled the hair tie from her pocket. "Do you want me to tie it back? I'll do it really loosely."
Ami shook her head. "No. It hurts."
"But it's a really soft one," tried Kaya again, stretching it out so Ami could see. "It will keep your hair out of your eyes."
"No."
"Okay." Kaya put the tie away and stood. She brushed some of Ami's hair down and tucked it behind her ears. "Which story do you want to start with? I think I'm going to start with The Questionable Disappearance of A Sharpe."
Ami reached down to her pile, the hair her mother had tried to fix falling down like a curtain around her face. She was undeterred, though, as she pulled up the first book on the pile and held the cover for her mama to see. "Piglet."
Kaya settled in her chair, then asked, "Would you like me to read some of it to you?"
"No, I can do it," answered Ami as she folded her legs under her and scootched herself more comfortably into the big chair.
"Alright," Kaya smiled. "Just let me know if you change your mind. And we can take some of your favorites home to read for bedtime if you want."
Ami smiled and nodded, then settled into her book.
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July, 1982
Suoh threw open the door before she'd even had a chance to finish turning the key in the lock. There was panic on his face, and his voice came out in a hurried clip even as his hands moved in a way that Kaya assumed was supposed to preemptively calm her down.
"Now, Kaya, don't get upset. I've got it under control, and there isn't any permanent damage."
Kaya was most definitely going to get upset. She stepped around him, because he was blocking the doorway, though she wasn't sure that was intentional. "Suoh," she said, her voice a low warning that very clearly let him know he needed to explain. In detail. Now.
He actually got paler. "So… I swear I only looked away for a few minutes, but Ami found the scissors…"
The bag of take-out hit the floor along with her briefcase as Kaya ran into the apartment and down the hall. "Ami!"
"She's in the bathroom," called Suoh.
She heard him enough to know where to go. Her stomach was in knots and she could feel the sweat on her brow. Her mind instinctively ran through every emergency medicine scenario she'd ever been part of as she tried to quickly reason what would make the best tourniquet and what the fastest route back to the hospital would be.
What she saw when she got in the bathroom brought her up short. Ami was in the bathtub wearing her yellow sunburst bathing suit, swim goggles down over her eyes and reading 'The Giraffe Has Escaped!' Long patches of her hair were all over the bathroom floor along with the purloined scissors.
Kaya hurried over to the tub and fell to her knees. She immediately started scanning over every inch of her daughter, ignoring the complaints as she counted fingers and toes, checked ears and arms and every major artery line. Finding no blood, or puncture wounds, or so much as a scratch, Kaya finally let out a long breath.
She pulled the little girl into her arms and fell back to sit, placing a kiss on the top of her short, choppy hair. "Ami. You…" She frowned and corrected herself. "Your papa scared me to death."
Suoh's timing was perfect for Kaya to shoot him a death stare as he hovered around the doorway.
The question was unnecessary, but she still felt like she had to ask. "What did you do?"
Ami smiled widely, proud of herself. "I cut my hair. It doesn't get in my face anymore."
"I see that," answered Kaya. Her heart rate slowly returning to normal, she conceded part of this was her fault for putting off taking Ami to get it cut. "I know why you did it, but you know not to use grown-up scissors unless a grown-up is with you."
Ami's smile faltered at the reproach. "Yes, mama."
One more deep breath, and Kaya resettled them so she could lean back against the bathtub. "Were you having fun looking at your book in the bathtub?"
"I was!" answered Ami, her smile back. "Just like you do. But I didn't have bubbles."
Kaya chuckled.
"Do you want me to read my book to you in the tub?"
Kaya tilted her head in curiosity. Because she had been starting to wonder about this. "Ami, can you read your book? Or do you look at the pictures?"
The question seemed to confuse the girl. "I do both. Do you want to look at pictures, mama?"
Snuggling Ami in and not even worrying about the mess on the floor, Kaya answered, "You know, I think I would love to have you read to me."
"In the tub!" added Ami, the happy grin fully back in place.
Kaya looked over her shoulder. She did always like a good book in the bathtub. And she was very curious just how much of this book Ami could actually read. "Sure."
Ami scrambled from her mother's lap back into the tub, and Kaya ignored Suoh as he slunk away, his interest in this activity minimal at best. She folded herself up so they could both sit, and Kaya positioned her bath pillow behind her neck for a bit more comfort. Hopefully Suoh would clean up the dropped take-out while she and Ami indulged.
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June, 1983
Kaya was in that warm mental space that wasn't quite awake but also not asleep. She could hear Suoh moving around, getting himself dressed and gathering up the things he was going to take with him for the day. He was supposed to take Ami today, though lately 'supposed to' didn't mean much. But he had promised her last night as he dressed her in her nightgown that they would go to the park and paint together today. So far she'd only heard him moving around.
Pulling herself a bit more out of the warm mental blanket she was wrapped in, Kaya mumbled, "Do you need me to get Ami ready?"
She heard him stop moving, then a moment later the mattress dipped under his weight. She felt his fingers brush her hair behind her ear right before he kissed her temple. "No, don't worry about it. I've got it."
Kaya nodded, then drifted back off to sleep.
It was about an hour later when she woke up. She stretched and dragged herself from the bedroom to the bathroom and then the kitchen. Coffee seemed like an excellent idea. Maybe a boiled egg, too, since they were low on waffles.
When she got to the kitchen, she saw why he was in such a hurry to leave so early. Standing on a stepstool so she could reach the whiteboard beside the refrigerator, Ami was humming to herself as she drew a smiling sun with the words 'Good Morning' next to it. She had dressed herself in her favorite set of play clothes, though that stretched out sock was never going to stay on her foot. When she heard Kaya come in, she turned and smiled.
"Good morning, mama. Is papa up, too? I got ready by myself."
God damn it, Suoh.
Kaya quickly tamped down the invectives and forced a smile. "Good morning, baby. Yes, your papa is up, but he had to change plans. He said to tell you he was sorry, but he had to go work by himself today."
Ami's face immediately fell and her shoulders slumped. She bit on her lip for a moment, then her thumb found its way to her mouth.
Kaya stepped over to her and gently removed it, then lifted her into a big morning hug. Her mind was quickly running through options, cobbling together a hasty plan.
"I know you're disappointed, but we'll find some things to do here. We can start with breakfast. I bet we've got some whipped cream for the toaster waffles."
Ami nodded, but her mood didn't brighten at all. She laid her head on her mama's shoulder. "Can I watch Mystery Mouse after breakfast?"
"Yeah, sweetie. I think that will be fun."
A few pieces of her plan began to fall into place. She had some things ready for what was supposed to be a girls' day next weekend. It was enough that she could make it work today. If nothing else, it would at least be a temporary distraction, because they couldn't keep going on like this. Not anymore.
The mental pencil jotting out her plan for Ami paused, then started scratching out notes in the metaphorical margin.
Tonight. They had to face it all tonight. And Kaya felt a cold confidence in the belief that they weren't coming out of it intact.