AN: Hopefully this story makes sense as I've not had a lot of sleep!!
You stare numbly at the white wall opposite you, you are in complete and utter shock. This couldn't be happening... there was no way that this was real; how on earth was your whole family either dead or in a coma?! If only you hadn't worked that double shift today... then you would've been in the same car accident that had already taken the lives of your Mom, Dad, your big brother, older sister and had left your beautiful niece and nephew in a coma... the doctors had told you around two hours ago that it was touch and go, that they probably wouldn't make it either. It was such a surreal experience, in only 8 hours your entire family was gone and you were utterly alone. The loud beeping of your cell phone bought you back to the present and you angrily swipe away your tears. It's from Olivia, your boss and close friend... she's checking up on you; she'd been the first person that you had told about the accident.
"Hi sweetheart, how are they? More importantly how are you? Do you need me to come up to the hospital with a spare change of clothes or maybe something to eat? Love you always xx"
You read the text and a lump forms in your throat; you really did want her, you just needed one of her cuddles and for her to just take away some of the pain... there was so much guilt because you were alive and all your family were dead or dying. You'd not cried properly yet; you were too numb and in shock for that. You begin to text your closest friend, beginning to bite your lip anxiously to keep your tears in.
"Hi Liv, my Mom, Dad, brother and sister didn't make it. They don't think my niece and nephew will either... please can you come up? I need you... a change of clothes would be lovely but I'm not hungry thanks. I love you xx"
You text her back, biting on your nail until it bled. The pain was so overwhelming that you rock yourself back and forth, beginning to self soothe. After around 10 minutes or so, your phone vibrates and you see that Olivia has text you back and you're so overwhelmed... all you want is your safe place.
"Y/N I don't even know what to say... I am so sorry. I'm coming sweetie, I'm just grabbing you some clothes and a flask of hot cocoa. Oh and before you start telling me that you're not thirsty either, you can stop! You need to stay hydrated... I should be with you within the next 15 minutes or so xx"
A sad smile graces your lips; it's true that was what you were about to text her. You knew that she was right, you did need to keep your strength up. You'd been here for 10 hours already without any food or drink but because you'd been so worried about your family you'd not felt it. You just sat staring into space for what felt like hours until you hear a soft voice and you knew... you knew Olivia was here.
"Y/N honey... I got here as soon as I could! There was traffic and..." She trails off when you run into her arms like a toddler who was lost and had just found their Mama. You fall apart in her arms, your legs giving way and you both sink to the floor... Olivia pulled you into her lap and hugged you tight, gently tucking your head under her chin.
"That's it, sweetheart. Just let it go... let it all go; you're safe! I'm here... it's safe!" She cooed and pressed kisses to your forehead whilst you wail... the pain is so overwhelming after keeping it in for all that time! You bury your face into her chest and sob even more.
"I want my Mom!" You beg Olivia and all she can do is cradle you whilst you sob for her and your dad too. She lifts you up onto her hip and sits on the chair, letting you sit on her lap and cuddle her. It felt safe and it felt nice, so much had been taken from you today but now Olivia was here to help you.
"What am I gonna do without her? How do I live without them? My heart aches Liv..." You whisper and your face crumbles when she placed her hand over your rapidly beating heart and gently rubbed her hand in soothing circles.
"It's gonna be hard baby, but you have so many people who love you and will support you. You've got me, Elliot, Fin, Nick, Amanda, Rafael, Alex, and Carisi... you're not alone, my love. Never ever will you be alone!" She coos and rocks you back and forth on her lap, keeping you safe and secure in her arms.
"I want Mom..." You repeat softly and Olivia's eyes fill with tears; she hates to see you so hurt and to know that this can't be fixed with ice cream and a bottle of wine. She stroked your cheek with her thumb and nuzzled your nose with her own.
"Oh baby... I know you'd do, I'm so sorry. You're ok... just tell me all about it, I've got you! I'm right here!" She spoke so lovingly and got you comfortably situated on her lap, taking off her sweatshirt and putting it on your body which provided you with so much comfort.
"So your niece and nephew are in a coma aren't they?" She whispered and you nod your head, feeling safe when she kisses your cheek and keeps mumbling that you're going to be ok because she wasn't going to let you be alone for a second.
"Yes they are... Oh god, I feel sick Liv! Riley and Aria are only 12 and 5 they should be living their lives but..." You trail off when you feel Olivia stiffen and immediately you glance up, seeing the doctor and you knew... you knew they were gone too. Olivia hugged you tight when he came over to the both of you, getting down on his knee so that he wasn't towering over you.
"Y/N? I'm so sorry... we did absolutely everything that we could but they didn't make it, I'm so sorry. Their brains were just too badly damaged.." He spoke calmly and compassionately, cringing when you let out a scream of pain.
"I've got ya.. oh honey, I am so sorry!" Olivia cooed, cradling you in her arms and protecting you from the outside world. You cried and cried until you couldn't anymore, you felt empty and alone... even with Olivia cuddling you like this. She spoke to the Doctor, asking about the next steps... when could you say goodbye? Funeral arrangements? All the things that you couldn't verbalise right now. He had spoke gently to Olivia, telling her that you could see them whenever you were ready and that it would take roughly a week to investigate everything. She had nodded her thanks and rocked you back and forth, kissing your head whilst you cry for your family and also cry for Olivia as well.
"I'm here, little one. Let it all out baby! I'm here... you're safe with me and we are going to get you through this one step at a time, that's it sweetheart! Let it all out..." She whispered until you had cried so much that your face was swollen. She picked you up and settled you on her hip, your legs were so shaky that you couldn't walk and she knew that.
"Are you ready Y/N? I'll be right here the whole time!" She cooed and you nodded softly, hiding your face within her neck and it pulled on her heartstrings. She took you out of the waiting room and whispered sweet nothings to you, the smell of her perfume was making you feel so safe and loved; you were here with your person and she wasn't going to let you go through this alone.
You had just said your final goodbyes to your nephew and that had been hard... really hard, you had kissed his forehead and cheek. Your hand running through his hair, he was still your baby nephew even though he was now nearly 6ft!
"You can let go now... I'm going to miss you, it's all wrong. You shouldn't be dying before me... I love you so much. Sleep tight Ry... I'll see you soon!" You whisper and Olivia heard, there was something about what you said that made her concerned... but she didn't voice it. You run to her and she hugs you tight, swaying you from side to side.
"Shhh..." She soothed lovingly, gently brushing your tears away with her thumb. She holds you tight as you walk to the room next door, so overwhelmed when you look at your tiny little niece in that big hospital bed. This wasn't right, this shouldn't be happening to her. She was only 5! She'd not had a chance to live yet and it had been cruelly taken away. You pull away from the safe space that Olivia had created for you and you move towards the small child.
"Hey little one, it's me. I still can't believe that I'm saying goodbye to you, I'm still wearing the bracelet that you made me last week and I'll never take it off. I can't believe you're gone! Oh baby..." You whisper and climb in next to her on the bed, gently stroking her cheek and you begin to sing, Olivia burst into tears.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you... so please don't take my sunshine away!" Your voice cracks on the last note, you sob and kiss the little girl. Olivia let's you stay there until you're ready and gently helps you up when you reach for her.
"Here we go.. you're safe, sweetie! Come here..." She coos and picks you up with ease, you always marvel at how easily she does this and you just snuggle in her arms while she walks with you.
"Can I... Can I come home with you? I don't wanna be alone!" You blush and she gets you into her car, lovingly kissing every inch of your face. She gets in and begins to drive, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other gripped onto your hand.
"Of course you can, kiddo! There's no way that I am leaving you by yourself after everything you've been through today... thank you for calling me Y/N! I'm very proud of you!" Olivia said gently and you nodded a little, just staying quiet and taking it all in. You both sit in a comfortable silence until you pull up outside Olivia's apartment. She secured the car and helped you out, smiling lovingly when you slip your hand into hers.
"Come on, sweetheart! Let's get you inside and settled... there we go love!" She cooed and helped you up the stairs and inside the apartment, already you feel safe and at home. She locked the door behind you both and then turned towards you, taking you in her arms for another cuddle when you hold your arms out to her.
"What would you like to do Y/N?" She said softly, gently swaying you back and forth in a way that she knew you liked. You bite your lip to keep the tears in and nuzzle your face against her chest.
"Can I go grab a shower and get on something else? Then maybe can we have dinner and just snuggle in bed?" You whisper and Olivia nodded approvingly, keeping you in her arms until you let go first.
"Course you can, sweetie! I'll order pizza for us now and then it should be here by the time you're dressed. Here let me get you put some fresh towels and pyjamas!" Olivia said softly getting the shower all sorted for you and getting the pyjamas ready as well.
"Take as long as you need! I'll be in the lounge!" She smiles warmly at you and leaves you alone to shower. It's when you feel the hot water cascading over you that it all hits at once, your family is dead! You should have died with them and now you really wish that you had. All the tears just flow out of you before you can stop yourself, you cry for everything that you've lost and you cry out for your mom. You miss her the most right now; she had always made you feel safe and now she wasn't there to do that. It's only when the hot water turns cold that you realise just how long you've been in there for and you get out, quickly drying off and getting into the oversized sweater and shorts that Olivia had left out for you. After a few minutes she knocks on the door and walks in, saying nothing about your breakdown even though she'd obviously heard it.
"Pizza's here, kiddo!" She bought it through alongside some drinks and cookies, making sure that you'd eat by ordering all your favourite things.
An hour or so had gone by and you were both cuddled up in bed with pizza, Olivia giving you the once over every now and then to make sure you were eating properly. She smiled softly once you were finished, getting up and placing the leftovers into the fridge and getting back into bed with you.
"I should've been in that car with them... but I picked up that double shift to cover for Amanda. I wish I died with them Liv because now I have no one..." You hiccup anxiously and Olivia squeezes you to her, keeping you safe and secure as though you might die at any minute.
"Shhh little one, please don't ever think that. We would all be so lost without you! I know it's not the same as having your Mama here but if you ever need Motherly comfort or advice or somewhere to feel safe then you're always welcome here! You will always have a home here... I love you, sweetie!" She cooed and let you lay on her, all you wanted to do was cry and have your family back.
"They told me that another driver ran a red light! He killed my whole family because he wasn't paying attention! It's not fair Liv! He killed them... my family!!" You cry in her arms and she just lets you, allowing you to tell her everything that you were told by the Doctors and the Cops. She's there for you as you weep, she's there when you cry out for your family during the night and most importantly she lets you fall asleep in her arms, comforting you when you would wake up on occasion.
"Liv... thank you! Thank you for being a second Mama to me... I love you; you're not just my boss or my friend; you're my family and I know I can get through this with you by my side!" You say sleepily after another nightmare and she kisses your cheek.
"You're welcome, baby! I will always be there for you whenever you need a cuddle, advice or a Mama cuddle!" She whispers soothingly, that being the last thing you hear before you go to sleep. You're safe in the arms of your friend and second Mama, you knew that she would keep you safe and be your family forever.