Hi. My name's Raymond. Raymond Babbitt. I'm an excellent driver. My dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. Never on a Monday though. I live at Wallbrook. That's my home. Been my home for many years. Of course, it's Monday. Monday night is Italian night. I have pepperoni pizza for dinner and orange soda. I eat cheese balls with a toothpick and watch TV before bed. I have to be in bed by eleven o'clock. Lights out at eleven.
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It's a sunny day. Very sunny. Course, there's a car parked in front of the building. There's a woman in the passenger seat. I have to sit behind the wheel. I'm an excellent driver. I like to drive. Dad let's my drive slow. Uh-oh, the seats are red. They used to be brown, but now they're pitiful red. There's a man coming over to the car now. He tells me to get out. I tell him I know this car. He asks me about Mom and Dad. Uh-oh, it's thirteen minutes to Judge Wapner. Have to go back inside.
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Who's on first? That's the guy's name. That's from Abbott and Costello. I memorized the whole thing when I get nervous. Of course, there's people in my room now. Uh-oh, V-E-R-N! This is an unannounced visit, Vern. This is my brother, Charlie and his girlfriend, but it's still an unannounced visit. I don't my things being touched. Definitely don't like it when Charlie touches my books. Susanna gives me back my baseball cards. Is she taking any prescription medication? I like her a lot.
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Yeah, I'm going to see a baseball game with my brother. Charlie drives across a bridge. The wheels on the car make a humming noise. I like to imitate the noise of the wheels on the road. Course, I'm in a hotel room now. This is definitely not my room. There's nothing for me to read but the phone book. I hear noises coming from the room in the middle of the night. Charlie and Susanna are in bed making strange noises. I don't know why I get yelled at by Charlie. I miss my home.
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I'm in a restaurant with my brother the next morning. I need to have a toothpick if I want to eat pancakes. I want to order pancakes, but there's no maple syrup on the table. It'll definitely be too late if the pancakes arrives before the maple syrup. Uh-oh, I have to get out my red notebook. Charlie Babbitt hurt me. Squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988. Number 18 in 1988. There's a total of 246 toothpicks on the floor.
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My brother and I are in an airport. Of course, there's lots of dangerous airplanes out there on the runway. I don't like flying. No flying. I scream and hit my head. Yeah, definitely don't like flying. No flying. We drive the car, instead.
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There's an accident on the highway. It's very dangerous. Get out of the car, have to walk in front of it while Charlie drives slow on the highway. I have to be in bed soon. I have to watch TV before bed.
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Uh-oh, it's raining. We don't go out when it rains. Never when it rains. Need to stay indoors. Spend all day in a motel room with Charlie. I have to watch Jeopardy while I draw in my notebook. I have to have all my markers in a cup.
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Charlie drives the next day. Says I should drive. I'm an excellent driver. Yeah, definitely want to drive. I take the wheel and make my brother mad, ha ha. Of course, I don't have my underwear on. Need to go to Kmart in Cincinnati and get boxer shorts. 400 Oak and Burnett. Of course, we're in a doctor's office now. I get asked a lot of questions about numbers and money. I give the right answers. I think so. Doctor asks me if I'm autistic. I don't think so. No, definitely not.
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Uh-oh, scary bad! Scary bad! Hot water burn baby! The tub burned the baby! Charlie says he's not burning. The hot water hurt Charlie. Never hurt Charlie Babbitt. Have to go back to Wallbrook. Want to go back to Wallbrook. Of course, it's lights out now. Have to sleep. Never hurt Charlie Babbitt.
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We're in a big city. There's a lot of buildings that are very shiny. Lots of lights. Getting a new suit with Charlie. We're the Babbitt brothers. Counting cards. Have to play Wheel of Fortune. Uh-oh, it's definitely not my game. Charlie's sad now. I want to hit my head. Charlie says not to. Of course, there's a lady sitting at the bar. She's very sparkly. Ask her out on a date. Have to learn how to dance for the date. Dance with my brother. Like dancing with Charlie Babbitt. I don't like him hugging me. Susanna comes back and takes me to meet Iris. It's past ten o'clock. No, my date is definitely not here. Take a ride in the elevator, dance with Susanna. Kiss Susanna in the elevator. It's very wet.
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It's morning now. Have to have breakfast. I like waffles. Pancakes are better, but I want waffles. Of course, waffles go in the toaster. Need maple syrup. Definitely need to have maple syrup. Uh-oh, scary loud noise. Have to get away. Yeah, need to get out. Uh-oh, can't open the door. Scary loud noise scares me. Screaming when Charlie Babbitt comes in and stops scary loud noise. V-E-R-N. My main man. I have to go back to Wallbrook.
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I'm in a meeting with Dr. Brunet and a psychiatrist. Talk about things I did with Charlie Babbitt. I don't think I'm autistic, but I'm an excellent driver. I want to go back to Wallbrook. Want to stay with my brother. I don't like having to choose between the two. Don't like being here. Want to go back to Wallbrook. Want to stay with Charlie Babbitt. Can't do both. Go back to Wallbrook, but get to have my brother visit me. C-H-A-R-L-I-E. Yeah. My main man, Charlie. Main man Charlie. I love my brother, Charlie.