I stare into space.

"Your body is busy reconfiguring itself."

Maybe, if I close my eyes, I can forcefully deny the fucked up reality that is my life now, like I've been doing the past few weeks?

"We're not sure exactly, but it's not life threatening. Make sure to get plenty of fluids, and eat well. You're friends with S.A.T., right? Might want to ask her to make you some meals. I've heard-"

The two doctors continue to talk to me, and I continue to only half listen.

From what a multitude of tests and over twenty four hours of me being locked in the hospital had figured out, it's pretty basic.

I'm turning into a girl.

Everything about me is changing, my bones, my skin, my hair. My jaw I noticed right off the bat, but my legs show signs of shrinking, as do my arms and frame as a whole.

The burning sensation I had all of the past few days? It's my body cannibalizing itself to grow some breasts and, I'm told, working reproductive organs.

I don't want working reproductive organs, I'm a guy dammit!

Though, judging by all of the evidence all around me, that's not going to be the case for long.

"-Most worrying is the idea your mind might be affected. There's no way to be sure, but it's affecting so much of your physique that we're going to need to keep running tests."

That get's my attention. "It's affecting my mind?"

"Possibly." The female doctor, Doctor Mears pulls off her rubber glove, eyes extremely tired. Both she and Doctor Peterson had been up the entire night with me, running test after test, attempting to figure out exactly what is happening to me.

We'd reached a conclusion pretty quickly, but the tests that inevitably confirmed it.

I'm turning into a girl.

…Fuck.

"We'll do more MRIs and get Doctor Alexeev to check you out." Doctor Peterson says. "This isn't a usual case, so we need to be cautious." He scratches his head. "Usually during transitions, the patient feels like their body is just wrong. There's a disconnect between the head and the physical features of the body, and this manifests as a feeling of wrongness that we can correct through surgery."

I sit in silence and listen to his words, but Doctor Mears picks up the thread.

"Usually, we can do surgery to correct your gender back to what you feel like you are." She frowns. "With this…"

"Can't you just remove… these?" I gesture to my chest, which had at least stopped growing, but they're not something that I can hide easily.

"We're not sure if they're just going to immediately grow back, and besides." Doctor Mears places a hand on my shoulder. "Like I said, we're not sure what's going to happen to your thoughts. There's a decent chance that you come to like your new body, and then we'd have to add them back."

I stare at her. "The fuck I will."

"Yes, we know what you think now." Doctor Peterson rubs his temples. "As we've repeatedly told you, this might change. Surgery is always risky, and until we know more, I don't want to put you in more danger." He stands up. "Now, it's been a really long night."

Doctor Mears also stands up as well. "You're free to go, Hadwin. Come back if anything starts to hurt, and keeps us updated of any changes."

They leave, and I finish packing up my stuff, such as it is. I'm in a hospital gown now, and… I really don't want to put on M16's shirt again.

I could ask someone to get me my clothes from my room…

There's a knock on the doorframe, and I turn to see RO standing there.

"Hey, Hadwin."

"Hi." Uncomfortably, I hold my old clothes to my chest, highly aware of how thin the fabric is and not enjoying the thought of anyone seeing me like this.

Not sure if 'this' means having breasts at all or just seeing me in this very thin bit of clothing. I've never been shy about my chest before…

I growl at my thoughts before they can go where I think they're going.

"Are… you okay?" RO asks cautiously.

"No. I'm turning into a girl against my will, the doctors told me that it might be affecting my mind, and I'm not okay with any of this!"

I realize I'm shouting and try to calm myself down.

"Well… Let me help you." She crosses her arms, moving her own chest in a way that draws my attention. "What can I do to help?"

"...I need my clothes." I grumble. "I don't wanna put on these sweat soaked ones, and I don't want to walk across base in a medical gown."

"Fair." She stands up. "I'll be back soon."

She leaves, and I'm once more left alone with my thoughts.

Other than the obvious changes between men and women, there's a few other changes that the doctors had informed me are decidedly not normal, but are happening nonetheless.

For instance, all of my body hair fell out. Normally, women have to shave to get their legs smooth, shave their nethers, armpits, and even their faces. I was surprised to learn that women do get very wispy beards and mustaches, but tend to shave it off because of beauty standards.

Apparently, Anisim thought that was enough of a hassle that he got rid of all body hair aside from the stuff on my head with his wonder drug.

Speaking of, my hair is growing at a prodigious rate, the past thirty or so hours since I'd been injected growing my hair by over ten centimeters. The new hair isn't any different from my normal glossy black, as if I just hadn't bothered to cut it for… a long time. It's now down past my shoulders in the back, as it wasn't exactly a buzz cut when this started.

Other changes are… well, my bone structure is changing slightly. My shoulders are narrower, and I've lost a lot of body mass. My voice had at some point cracked and refused to come down, yet another thing that makes me more feminine.

Unlike a 'normal' transition, there's so much going on. I'm going to likely be fully a woman within a week, whereas for most people it's a many year long process that's extremely painful at some times.

Assuming my body settles down, I'll be experiencing that first hand soon. Not looking forward to it, given how the doctors were talking about it.

"Hadwin?" RO pokes her head back in, holding up a bag. "I brought some clothes."

I wave her in, and she brings the bag closer.

"I… apologize if I'm overstepping my bounds." RO hesitates. "I added in something that might help you."

"Help?"

She nods and reaches into the back, pulling out… a black vest?

"This… is a binder." She hands me the cloth, which is stretchy but not too stretchy. "It's used to try to hide your breast size. It can actually do a lot, and with the size yours are at, you shouldn't have any problems."

My eye twitches. Breast size. I can't believe I'm having this conversation. "Thanks, I guess."

I start to pull off the medical gown before remembering that I might not be comfortable with that.

It's weird. I don't really care normally, I've taken my shirt off in front of people all the time at school, or had it ripped off, so it's not that. It's not that it's embarrassing either.

It's… It's like I'm showing a cancerous wart to someone. It doesn't belong, and I hate that someone would see me like that.

RO's head tilts as she tries to read my expression, which I'm sure is showing all sorts of random things. I suck at lying. "Erm… If you'd like me to leave-"

"No… No, it's fine." I grab the strings on the sides of the gown and pull them off, allowing the garment to be pulled off my head.

Looking down at myself once again… shit. Just… shit.

"Alright. Just put the binder on like this-"

RO helps me adjust the device. It's tight, and it's a bit harder to breath, but it's not like I'm choking myself. Once I put on my clean button down shirt and pants and look at myself in the mirror I feel an immense sense of relief. I look almost normal. Chin's still odd, but other than that, I can probably pass as myself.

"At least it actually works on you." RO examines me from head to toe. "I couldn't do much for myself."

I glance at her chest. "Ah."

"It's really hard being stared at all the time just because I've got these vestigial lumps attached to me." She continues on. "They throw me off balance and get in the way in combat. I've asked Persica for a different frame, but…" She sighs.

"...Sorry about the staring thing." I hang my head.

"I'm used to it." She shrugs. "Just hope your body stops before they become impossible to hide."

"Mmm." I toss my dirty clothes into the bag RO has brought and slide it over my shoulder. "Let's go."

"Excellent." RO gestures for me to follow her. "We need to go talk to Commander Gentiane."

"Yeah… I bet I'm in for a royal chewing out." I laugh slightly, the sound alien to my own ears. "I messed up."

"You did, but it could have been worse." RO shrugs. "An earlier version of Paradeus' wonder drug caused many tumors within the body. Gentiane had to undergo surgery to get rid of them."

I shudder. That sounds like hell-

"HADDY!"

Sop slams into my side, knocking the wind straight out of me. I find myself staring up into the blue sky interrupted by Sop's face, red eyes glowing brightly.

"Are you okay?" She demands.

"Ow."

"Sop, he's been having a rough few days." RO sighs. "Give him some space."

Sop looks down at me, still gasping for breath. "He doesn't look that bad." She leans down to sniff me. "Does smell weird though."

"Ow."

"Sure, but, right now we have to go see the commander."

"Okay." Sop pops to her feet, giving me an excellent view up her skirt.

Huh. Paw prints.

She steps far enough away from me that I'm not inadvertently peeking, and turns to face me, crossing her arms. "So, I wanna go talk to the commander too!"

"Why?" RO turns to her sister in exasperation.

"Well, Haddy smells a lot like she does." Sop frowns. "Actually, a bunch of the humans smell like him."

"...Really?" RO raises an eyebrow.

I finally get enough air back into my lungs to sit us and stand up. Damn, this binder really isn't helping. "Ow."

"Yeah. He smells like Gentiane, or Kalina, or Helian, or… um, that pilot we had today?"

"So, energy drinks and a distinct lack of shower?" RO turns to me.

"I've had a shower recently, thanks." I grunt. "Must've used the same kinda soap they did."

"Hmm." Sop's eyes narrow. "You weren't cuddling with them, were you?"

Both RO and I stare at the odd doll. "What the hell-"

RO cuts me off. "Hadwin's been in the infirmary since he got back."

"So? They could've been snuggling with him." Sop counters. "I want my turn next."

Briefly, I think what would happen if Sop decides to cuddle. Images of involuntary bloodshed and possible a bit of voluntary bloodshed too fill my head, and I have to suppress a shudder. "Yeah, I think we're good for now, Sop. If you want to hang out later…" I thought strikes me. "Actually, why don't you gather everyone in Springfield's cafe?"

Her eyes light up. "Everyone?"

I nod. "Get your squad, Echelon 11, and… well, I suppose 404, if you can find them."

She literally leaps into the air. "Roger! I'll go tell everyone right now!"

She bolts off before I can get in a word edgewise.

"She's so excitable." I note aloud.

"She is, but compared with Gentiane's team…" RO shudders.

"How?"

"You haven't met G41. And, you should keep it that way."

Having been yelled at for the better part of half an hour, then told to prepare to infiltrate a mansion on top of all the crap I already have to deal with, my mood is pretty low when I trudge into Springfield's cafe, back of dirty clothes exchanged for my backpack. I have a few patches to give out.

Looking around, most of Echelon 11 is here, just missing SV-98. She's always late to everything, isn't she? All of Anti-Rain is present. UMP 9 and G11 are here as well, no sign of 416 and 45.

Well… time to start.

I set my bag down on the counter, drawing several pairs of eyes my way.

"Hey Haddy!" P90 strides up to me and whacks my shoulder in a playful way. "I hear you came down with a bad case of the blues."

"You could say that." I nod. "Where's SV-98?"

"Her commander has her doing something." She shrugs. "Wouldn't tell me what, just that it's urgent."

"Huh." As long as Ricardo's not a traitor, that shouldn't be too suspicious. Thankfully, he's above suspicion, so I can marvel at his muscles.

"In any case." I unzip my pack and start pulling out the patches. "Okay… Uh, Sopmod, come here a second."

I proceed to hand out the customized patches, much to the delight of the assembled dolls. Anti Rain liked their patches, and so did Echelon 11. SV-98 showed up midway, right before I put her patch away, babbling something about having just come back from jury-rigging a bomb in a crate. Not sure what she was talking about, I'm sure it's not important.

Springfield serves drinks and cake, which is oddly on hand despite this party being fairly unannounced. It really gets into a festive mood with the streamers.

Actually, when did those get there? I swear I was paying a little attention, but… Ah, whatever. It's a party.

The problem comes when I get to 404's patches.

9 accepts her patch with a small smile, and G11 was excited enough, but neither 416 nor 45 are present.

"Well… I guess that's it for now." I awkwardly tuck the rest of the patches back into my pack. "I'm glad you all like them."

"Hell yeah." P90 holds hers up to the light. "Man, with sewing skills like these, anyone would think you're the girl here, not us!"

I stumbled, knocking over my drink, spilling the brown liquid all over my nice white shirt. For a moment, I fear a repeat of my shirt from yesterday revealing my newly developed chest, but I quickly realize that the binder is doing its job.

"I-I-I'm not a woman!" I yell.

The dolls all blink at me.

In the back. RO facepalms.

"Uh… yeah, we know." P90's left eyebrow raises. "Enough of us saw you naked to know that's true."

"Well, that's go-" My brain grinds to a halt as I process her words. "Wait, when did you-?"

"Please." She rolls her eyes. "45 had cameras set up in your bathroom faster than you could say 'chicken strips'. It provided such interesting footage."

"...That's fucked up." Yet another thing to add to the reasons she's on my shitlist. "Please don't spy on me in the shower. That's creepy."

"You'll have to ask her." P90 shrugs.

"I don't think 45-nee is planning on putting more cameras in your stuff." 9 raises her hand to draw attention like she's in class. "It wasn't challenging enough, she said."

"That's just insulting." I grumble. Fine. I'll sweep my room to make sure that there's nothing spying on me. It's even more important now…

"In any case." Springfield gracefully moves out of the kitchen, taking me by the shoulders and guiding me towards the door. "You've stained your shirt, commander. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up, and you can look for the few dolls unfortunate enough not to show up, hmm?"

I stop struggling futilely against Springfields grip, letting her kick me out of her establishment, however gracefully.

Once outside-

"Ah, hello Commander."

I glance up at the tall beauty. AK-12, one of the two dolls directly under Angelia's command. "Hello."

Her eyes crack open just a bit, and she seems to be scanning me. Her eyes have an absurdly bright glow that makes it very disconcerting at the very least.

"Commander." AK-12's understudy AN-94 also announces herself. "Are you feeling well?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I scratch my chest, fingers unconsciously pressing into the binder to try to scratch. "Are you two doing okay?"

"I am." 12's eyes shut and she smiles. "Though, I hear everyone involved with the battle in Sector 3 is getting patches."

Ah. I pull off my backpack and pull out two patches. "Here you go."

AN-94 takes hers like she's been handed a golden ticket, whereas AK-12 just peeks at it before tucking it into a pocket.

"I appreciate it, Hadwin." 12 throws her arm around my shoulder. "Now, I have a question for you."

"Shoot." I sigh.

"Were you always a woman, or is this a new thing?"

I jerk away from her unconsciously, but her arm is extremely strong, holding me in place. One of her eyes cracks open yet again, focusing directly on my face.

"Wha- 12! That's rude!" AN-94 grabs her teammate's arm to little effect. "She's clearly having a hard time!"

'She'? I can feel my brain shutting down trying to process all of the retorts and anger I have pooling inside of me just based on that single pronoun.

"I'm not a woman." I growl.

"These would disagree." AK-12 grabs my chest-

"Eep."

I look around to see who made the sound, only to find both AK-12 and AN-94 both staring at me.

That can't have been me… right?

"Ah… the rumors are true then." 12's expression softens. "I apologize, but I just had to find out."

She lets me go, and I immediately cover myself with my arms. Not okay. Noooooot okay.

"Creep."

I stalk away without another word, leaving a startled AK-12 and worried AN-94 in my wake.

I wanna take a shower. A long shower, one where I don't have to worry about dolls molesting me.

I refuse to look up, ignoring several people or dolls calling my name. I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to talk to dolls. I want this nightmare to be over.

Eventually though, my luck runs out.

I bump into someone and am forced to look up. "I, I'm sorry-"

416's pissed off face is centimeters from mine.

"You'd better be sorry, dummkopf. Walking around without looking where you're going." She turns up her nose and goes 'Hmph'.

"S-sorry." I duck my head. "It won't happen again."

I try to walk around her, but she just turns and follows in step with me. "You know, you've been really rude to me. Me!"

"It's… yes, I have." I clutch at my shirt. "I'm sorry, so please-"

"And!" she interrupts me, talking loudly enough to drown me out. "G11 tells me you made a present for me, and you didn't even want to give it to me."

I hunch over even more. "I-its not like that, I just… you weren't there."

"Well, I'm here now." She stops in front of me. "So, what is it?"

Reluctantly, I open my backpack once again. Man, all of the dolls are really pushy, aren't they? "Here."

Despite her imperious attitude, her face melts and flushes as she takes the admittedly simple patch. She hadn't done anything during the siege of the capital, at least not as far as I could tell, but she stares at it like it's a precious photograph, or maybe a major paycheck.

"S-so, can I go?" I intended to sound nonchalant, but with all the stress I've been feeling, it comes out more as pleading.

Either way, she nods once. "Thank you, Commander. I will treasure it." With that she spins on her heel and leaves.

"...So hostile just because I didn't give her a patch immediately." I mutter. "Imagine if I hadn't made one."

"Not something I'd like to imagine, personally."

I almost leap out of my skin, though RO stays planted, arms crossed.

"Whaaaaat the fuck?!" I draw out.

"What?" RO's eyes flick to meet mine. "Come on, I saw you got accosted, so I'm here to help you get to your dorm uninterrupted."

"...Oh. Thank you."

RO nods, and throws her arm around my shoulder-

Wait, she's shorter than me, isn't she? How is she able to put her arm around me so naturally?

"Uh… RO, tell me; am I shrinking?"

"...Yes." She admits. "You've lost about eight centimeters-"

"Please just use US Standard, everyone reading this uses US standard."

"You mean Imperial?"

"No, that's actually a third system used by the Brits." I snort. "Think they're so much better than us but still use baskets as a unit of measurement."

"...Okay, um… 8 centimeters is about three inches, give or take a bit." RO continues to guide me.

"Okay."

We make it to my dorm room, and despite how light it is, I feel exhausted. It's hardly even 5 PM yet, and I want to just collapse in my bed.

Still, Sop's comment from before is getting to me.

Maybe what she's smelling is me turning into a woman? Hormones, or… whatever? I've been sweating so much, maybe it carried all of the woman chemicals out to my skin.

What even are woman chemicals? Estrogen? Can you smell that in large quantities?

I wander into the shower, barely aware that RO walks in behind me.

"Ah, right." She rummages in a bag she had been carrying that I hadn't been paying attention to. "Here you go, soap. It's the same one everyone on base uses, ever since P7 bought an entire crate of it with her salary… for some reason."

"O-oh." Now I feel stupid.

Holding the bar up, my nose identifies a few scents. Mint, a tinge of chocolate… and bacon?

Yeah, I can see why Sop would be able to pick this scent out.

"In any case." RO steps back to the door. "I'll leave you too it. Gentiane said to let you have tomorrow off due to… your circumstances. Make sure to report any changes to the doctors, and have a good night."

"Thanks, RO." I summon my very best smile and wait for her to walk out the front door.

Okay.

I pull down my pants and sit down on the toilet, refusing to look down for a few seconds.

Back in the infirmary, Doctor whatshertits said that my genitals are probably going to shift into a woman's, and had shown some odd diagrams comparing how the two structures are similar, but there's a reason I'm not a doctor like Lucas. I'm stupid.

So, I look down to find that Hadwin Jr. has partially merged with my body, splitting apart in the middle. The dude has receded, probably permanently.

…It looks like someone got a hold of a weed whacker and used it on my junk. It doesn't look like a woman's genitals either, but a horrifying hybrid of the two.

Okay… they told you this would happen. Don't freak out.

I once more close my eyes and let my bladder go, not releasing the feeling of urine leaving in the wrong way. It's wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong wrong-

Once I finish and carefully clean myself up with toilet paper (an odd experience) I pull off my shirt as well, planning on taking a shower.

Once fully unclothed, I glance at the bathroom door. It's still open, RO not having closed it behind her. There's nobody else in this small room, so it's not that problematic… but it kinda feels weird to not shut the door.

I swing the door shut and-

"Uh… hi?"

I stare at UMP 45, who has her hands full of small devices that look suspiciously like cameras.

She looks back, taking in my appearance. "Hmm… Uh, Hadwin? Have you been hiding something from us?"

The only noise from my throat is a strangled cry. Why me?