Happy New Year! I won't keep you from the story for too long. I just want to say thanks, as always, to my beta, CoppertopJ for correcting all my mistakes and particularly for helping me organise my thoughts on where this story is going. Hopefully, I'll be able to get over my writer's block after speaking to her and after a nice relaxing Christmas break.

My eyes were closed. My body curled tightly into a ball. My brain was whirring with emotion as I gasped air into my lungs. I could almost feel the damp ground underneath me, though, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn't actually in the forest. My entire body shook with the sobs that came from me, my eyes burning with tears that would never fall.

I felt strong arms wrap around me, surrounding me in love and comfort, and through the haze I heard a voice.

"Bella?" the voice said, desperate as it slipped past the emotions whirring around me, "Please, listen to me."

My sobs lessened at the sound of his voice. The one voice that could always reach me, no matter what was going on in my head.

Soft fingers gently pried my hands away from my face and I opened my eyes to see his beautiful face in front of mine. His butterscotch eyes were full of worry, but they were also full of love. I slowly eased out of the tight ball, my sobs not completely stopped, but easing even more as I looked at him.

"Bella, I'm not leaving you," he said with conviction, "I could never leave you again. Please, believe me."

I took a deep breath, trying to take control of my breathing as I focused on his words. He wasn't leaving me again.

"I'm sorry," I said, between the sobs that were quickly calming, "I didn't mean to react so intensely."

"No, I'm sorry, Bella," he said, putting his arms around me again and pulling me into his lap, "I didn't think about how that would sound."

We sat like that for a long while, until my sobs had quietened completely and my breathing was once again even.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, though I already knew.

"Nothing," he said quickly, obviously afraid of setting me off again, "It doesn't matter."

"It does," I sighed, "I'm calm now, I promise I won't freak out again. You are right. We do need to talk."

"I'm sorry for lying about needing to hunt," I began, putting a finger to his lips when he tried to interrupt me, "I do need to apologise for that, so don't tell me otherwise. I also need to apologise for not talking to you about how I've been feeling."

"I think we both need to apologise for that," he replied, "I didn't want to upset you by bringing up what happened, so I just let you distract me with running and hunting. I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm not upset about you hurting me." This time it was his turn to stop me with a finger to my lips.

"I know you feel really bad about it," he continued, "I understand. If I had hurt you like that, I'd never be able to forgive myself. But I do forgive you, though I don't actually believe there's anything to forgive. It was an accident. I healed quickly and as I said, Emmett has done worse."

"I'm scared," I admitted, looking down at my lap, "I'm scared of it happening again. That's why I've been distracting you, as you put it, so I don't have to worry about it happening again."

"So, it's not that you've just gone off me now that you're a vampire?" he said, his lips curving up into a smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Of course not!" I exclaimed, wanting to pull him to me, but resisting, "I want you just as much as I did when I was human, perhaps even more. But how can I allow myself that pleasure, knowing that I'll likely hurt you again?"

"Deep down, I knew that was the reason you were avoiding being alone with me," he sighed, "But I have to admit, that a week of worrying and overthinking, as I have a tendency to do, made me worry there were other reasons behind it." I lay my head on his chest, trying to comfort him in a way that I wouldn't be at risk of hurting him.

"I would never make you do anything you don't want to do, you know that, right?" he said, and I nodded against his chest. I was never worried about that, only that I might hurt his feelings if I rejected him, though I'd done that inadvertently anyway. "But, I do think there are ways we can still be intimate, without you worrying about hurting me. If you want to, of course."

"I do, but..." I began, as his fingers began slowly tracing circles on my back. Despite myself, I relaxed into his touch, trying to push away the glimpses of his cracked chest that appeared before my eyes. I wanted this, had wanted this every time he had touched me in the past week, and, now that we had finally talked about it, maybe it would be okay.

"I promise, I'll let you know if you the instant you do anything at all that causes me any pain," he said as he stood, offering me his hand. My choice. I took a deep breath and grasped his hand as I stood with him.

"Besides, I think maybe we can have a little fun with you keeping your hands to yourself," he said with a smirk as he lifted me and carried me towards the bedroom.

A shiver ran through my body at his words, images of handcuffs and lengths of rope flashing through my head, though I knew, as a vampire, that nothing would be able to hold me. It wasn't something I'd ever really given much thought before, but now the thought of him being in complete control of me, sent jolts of pleasure through my body to my core.

He lay me down in the middle of the bed, gently lifting my arms above my head.

"Link your hands together," he instructed, and I did as he said, "Those hands are not to let go of each other, unless I say so. If they do, there will be consequences." Another shiver ran through my body at the authority in his voice, causing liquid to pool in my underwear.

He leaned over me, pressing his lips to mine in a kiss that was soft, slow and filled with love. His way of making sure I knew that, despite how he was speaking to me, how he was about to act, that this was still an act of love.

He pulled away, grinning at me with a spark of mischief in his eyes as his gaze roved over my still fully clothed body. He ran his finger down my neck, towards the top of my blouse, where the very top of my breasts peeked out. My breath hitched as his fingers came into contact with my breasts, having been deprived of his touch for far too long. He continued to the buttons on my blouse, opening each delicately slowly, until my blouse flapped open revealing the black lace of my bra. His eyes darkened as he looked at my breasts, bound by that black lace and his tongue darted out to lick his lips.

His fingers then continued down, reaching the button on my jeans and flicking it open, before he hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled them down my legs, oh so slowly. His gaze took in every inch of my skin that he revealed, looking like a thirsty man in the desert seeing water. When he finally reached my feet, he pulled the jeans off, along with my shoes and socks, so I was lying before him in just my lacy underwear and my open shirt.

He stood at the end of the bed, just staring at me, his gaze heating every inch of my body. He stood for so long that I began to wonder if he was ever going to move, when finally he climbed back onto the bed with me, hovering over me so not a single part of him touched me. I needed his touch, ached to touch him, but I didn't dare move my hands from where he'd placed them above my head.

"You will not come until I say," he said with such dominance in his voice. I nodded, unable to speak, though I didn't know how I was supposed to stop that from happening.

His fingers began trailing over my skin once again, starting at my neck and working their way down towards my lace-clad breasts. He lightly traced the edge of the lace, my nipples puckering into peaks under it, though he didn't touch them, even through the lace. He avoided them completely, his fingers trailing down my stomach to the scrap of lace covering my sex. Once again, he traced the edge of the lace, but didn't touch me where I so desperately needed him. I groaned as his fingers, began making their way down the inside of my legs, my core throbbing. I wriggled, trying to rub my legs together to get some much needed friction, when his strong hands gripped my thighs, stilling them.

"You are not to do anything to relieve yourself," he said, his tone harsh, "Only I am allowed to bring you pleasure. Do you understand?" I nodded.

"Speak," he commanded, more liquid pooling in my underwear at his tone.

"Y..Yes," I stuttered, struggling to focus on speaking rather than the throbbing of my core, "I understand."

Kneeling between my legs as he spread them further apart, he hooked his fingers under the rim of my bra and with a quick flick of his wrist, he ripped it clean off me. His hand moved lower, making quick work of my panties so I was lying bare before him apart from my still-open shirt. Leaning down, still careful not to let too much of his body come into contact with mine, he began to worship my breasts. I couldn't focus on anything but his tongue as he licked and sucked. When he finally sucked a nipple into his mouth I groaned in pleasure, writhing beneath him.

I wanted to touch him, to run my fingers through his hair and hold him in position as he lapped and sucked at my nipples. My hands loosened their grip on each other, but I didn't even have a chance to release my hold when he stopped.

"I'm watching those hands," he said, "Remember the rules."

I groaned, but clasped my hands tighter together again and struggled not to rub my legs together. My skin felt like it was on fire. Every inch of me tingled with desire. I needed more, but he just went back to torturing me with his mouth.

Just when I thought I might actually combust, his hands gently grazed my sides, slowly making their way to where I so desperately needed them. As they reached my hips, he removed his mouth from my breasts, sitting back on his feet.

"Spread your legs," he ordered, and I didn't think twice before opening myself up to him, his gaze hungry as he stared at me.

"So beautiful," he muttered, slipping out of his persona for a split second, before continuing, "Remember, you don't come until I say you can. Understand?"

"Yes," I breathed, anything to make him touch me, to relieve some of the pressure that had built up inside me.

His fingers moved from their position on my hips, grazing over my mound of soft curls and slipping through my wet folds.

"Fuck," he swore quietly, "You are so wet. Who made you this wet?"

"You," I answered, "Only ever you."

His fingers gathered the wetness from my centre and swirled it up around my sensitive nub, my body arching at the touch. After circling my clit a couple of times, he pushed his fingers deep inside me. He watched intently as he pumped in and out, his thumb rubbing against my clit as he did so. After being so wound up it wasn't long before I was teetering on the edge of my climax, my muscles beginning to tighten around him, but just before I could fall off the edge, he stilled his hand suddenly.

I groaned, opening my eyes to glare at him.

"When I say, remember," he said with a smirk.

He didn't remove his fingers from me, but his hand didn't move until I had relaxed around him. Then, he began moving his hand once again, letting the pressure build up in me once again. I expected it this time when his hand stilled, but I still couldn't help the moan that escaped my mouth. The third time I neared my orgasm, I expected him to still again, but he continued. I was so close, right on the edge, ready to fall into the abyss.

"Hold it," he commanded. I didn't know how, but somehow I managed to stay there, right on the edge but I didn't fall over.

"Now, Bella," he said, finally, "Come for me." That was all I needed, the second those words were out of his mouth, I climaxed. An earth-shattering orgasm hit me so hard that I saw stars behind my eyes and pleasure radiated through my whole body, spreading out from my core right to the tips of my fingers and toes, as I shuttered around his fingers.

When I finally came down from my high, I opened my eyes, seeing him staring. I followed his gaze, only then realising that my hands were no longer clasped together above my head, but gripped in the mattress at my sides, the sheets and fabric torn so my fingers were among the springs. I swallowed hard, bringing my gaze back to his.

"Naughty girl," he said, "Turn over. On your hands and knees."

I complied, though my whole body felt like jelly after my monumental orgasm just seconds ago. I heard and felt him move and glancing over my shoulder, I saw that he was now naked, kneeling behind me. I gulped, thinking about those consequences he had mentioned earlier.

"Face forward," he commanded, his tone reigniting my desire. He gripped my hips, positioning himself behind me and without warning, he thrust hard into me. I grunted at the feeling of being filled by him. He pulled back, almost all the way out before thrusting back in, hard. I yelped as I felt a short, sharp sting as his open palm collided with my cheek at the same time as he hit deep inside me. When the second strike came, I didn't cry out, I moaned as the feeling of pain weaved with the pleasure that being stretched around him was causing. The third time his hand struck my ass, I felt myself getting even wetter than I already was.

Four. Five. Six. And my orgasm hit me as his palm once again struck me and I screamed as I clenched around him, another earth-shattering orgasm taking over me. My body went limp as he thrust into me a couple more times before he growled, spilling deep inside me.

I had barely recovered when he pulled me to him, tucking me under his arm as he lay back, all signs of his dominating persona now gone, only love shining in his eyes as I stared up at him.

"Wow," I breathed, "That was..." I trailed off, my pleasure addled brain unable to come up with any words to describe it.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "But you know what? This is what I've missed the most over the last week. Just lying here with you in my arms."

"Me too," I sighed, snuggling in closer to his chest and, despite my fears, I gently draped my arms around him. I didn't grip him, still afraid of hurting him, but it was more that I had done in the last week. He smiled down at me, obviously noting the same thing.

"We need to keep talking," Edward said, "Telling each other how we are feeling. I know I should have told you the instant you hurt me, but I didn't want to upset you."

"Trying to protect me by keeping things from me," I said quietly, "We've been there before."

"I know, I know," he sighed, "I had been doing so well at not doing that. I'm sorry. I promise from now on, I will tell you the instant there's any pain."

"And I will tell you how I'm feeling, rather than just bottling it all up," I promised. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I actually spoke to Emmett about it," I admitted, looking up at his surprised expression, "He really helped me put things into perspective. He can be quite a good listener when he wants to be." I wouldn't betray Emmett's confidence by telling Edward what he'd told me, especially since he'd somehow managed to keep it from the mind-reader, but I wanted no more secrets between us.

"He can," Edward admitted, "It doesn't happen often, but he does give some good advice from time to time."

~~~PS ILYF~~~

Weeks turned into months and I was finally getting somewhere with my lessons with my brothers, and they truly were my brothers now, not just Edward's. Spending so much time with them everyday had brought us closer together. Where Alice had always felt like a sister to me, I hadn't been as close to Emmett or Jasper before my change, but now I couldn't imagine my life without my two big brothers. Even Rose and I were getting along really well. After our talk just before my transformation, things had changed between us and, while we were never going to be as close as Alice and I, we understood each other and, now that I was gaining control over my body, she was teaching me all about the inner workings of car engines.

Emmett and I had progressed from boulders and tree trunks, through to chunks of scrap metal, kitchen appliances and wooden furniture, and I was now able to toss and catch old cell phones and even vases without damaging them. I still had no idea where Emmett had been getting the items from, but he always made sure to clean everything out of the forest after we had finished with them. I was feeling much more relaxed, as it had been weeks since I'd last broken something around the house by using too much strength. Edward had also kept to his word and made sure to let me know the instant I gripped him too hard, which had happened fairly often at the beginning, but again hadn't happened in weeks.

With Jasper, things had taken a little longer, but I was now able to consistently push away the red haze when he was sending anger to me, though I still struggled when my temper got the best of me in the heat of the moment. Thankfully, the frequency of me losing my temper reduced as my control over my strength increased, as that was my main source of frustration. I was able to push the red haze back a little bit in the heat of the moment, but it still usually got the better of me in the end. Time, Jasper told me, was going to help with that and I was trying to be patient, though it wasn't easy when all I wanted was to be fully in control so the family could get back to their normal lives.

One of my main worries now, was that I was almost five months into my new life and I had yet to scent human blood. Living in the middle of the Canadian wilderness meant that humans were few and far between, and any time there was a chance of me coming across them, Alice had seen it and we were able to avoid them. That was all well and good, but I worried what might happen when I eventually came across a human scent especially with how my body had reacted to animal blood.

My reaction to animal blood had died down a little, but I still had to force myself not to smell in order to keep my cool until I was close enough to my prey that I wouldn't destroy the forest. I had spoken to Edward about how we were going to introduce me to humans, but he had just said that we would wait until my newborn year was up and then discuss it with Carlisle to come up with a plan that would ensure the safety of the humans.

It was after a morning of tossing china teacups back and forth with Emmett and both him and Jasper trying to purposely piss me off so I could work on controlling my temper in the heat of the moment, that I sat on the sofa in the main house, reading a book, while Edward sat beside me with his laptop, doing something very boring with stocks and bank accounts. It was a very normal afternoon and everyone else was engaged with their own activities, when Alice, who had been working on some fashion designs on her tablet across the living room, gasped loudly and stood, her tablet clattering to the floor, horror shining in her eyes as they locked on me.

Sorry! I know I'm really mean and horrible leaving you guys with yet another cliffie, but I've gotta leave you wanting more lol. I will try not to leave you hanging too long before I post the next chapter. If my writing over the weekend goes well, I'll update next week :)