Mapledawn ran.
The shadows followed.
Brambles snagged on her pelt, branches whipped her face, and sleeping birds exploded in fright as she sped past. Her muscles screamed for her to stop, but she ignored them as much as the shadow voices begging her to turn back and take her revenge. They won't stop. Hadn't she proved she wasn't that cat anymore? Hadn't she shaken their hold? Yet the shadows whispered, and Mapledawn was for once glad no one else could hear what they were yowling.
She didn't know where she was going. She didn't care. Redpoppy, Wrencatcher, Thrushflight, her new brothers and sisters, they were all behind her, back in the safety of Thunder's dappled trees, and she'd never see them again. Never. How could she ever go back? They'd never believe me. They didn't know what she was. Who she was. Who she used to be. Who Frecklefang was. The only thing they ever saw between us was denmate rivalry. Not a generations-old feud. Blood and lies and dead kits.
And now she was alone.
Going nowhere.
She paused, panting, and glanced around her. The ground was unfamiliar. She looked behind her, shocked to find she couldn't get her bearings. But soon she spotted the Moonpool behind her. She'd barreled through FireClan and TallClan territory, and now she was beyond the Clans, she was in unmarked territory where rogues and loners lived. I guess I'm a loner now. A hill swelled before her, sweet with the scent of heather and wild daisies. She crested it and stopped again to stare out at the world, teeming and alive and wide and so different from Thunder forest (or even ThunderClan… I remember ThunderClan. I remember the Great Sycamore, the river, Fourtrees. Mountains in the distance, too far to touch). Fading moonlight washed the distant fields gray and blue.
It looked empty. She was too far outside of the moors to taste TallClan scent on the wind. She padded cautiously forward, her paws starting to tremble. Keep it together, she chided herself. But what was the point? Gray Wing's stars were fading above her. What's the point? All I have now is my survival. Why struggle for it alone, with no one to live for? She spat at Silverpelt's fading glimmer. Where's your meddling now, StarClan?
Shaking her head, she stumbled down the hill, found a secluded spot between some thickets, and lay flat on her side, not even bothering to pick out the thorns from her makeshift nest.
"Did you know you're bleeding? Hey, kitty. Cat. You. Hey. Wake up. Did the forest cats do this to you? They're such brutes, ugh, Great Star above, you gotta learn how to avoid them. Hey. Hey."
Mapledawn blinked open her eyes slowly. Everything hurt. Where am I? This wasn't the warrior's den. This wasn't FireClan.
Then she remembered. Oh. She slumped back against the grass, ignoring the strange cat still mewling incessantly above her.
"No no nooo, you need to wake up you big red lump of fur. By the Great Star get up! You'll bleed to death."
"Leave me alone," Mapledawn grumbled. Just let me die in peace.
"I'm not doing that. Those forest cats must be cruel if they'd leave you like this."
"They didn't do this to me," snarled Mapledawn into her fur. "I did this to me. It's my own fault."
"Nonetheless. Let me help you."
Don't spurn kindless, even if it comes from an unlikely place. Myler's portentous words echoed in her head. She growled aloud. This is a test, too, isn't it? Even here she couldn't escape StarClan's meddling! She cursed and spat and sat up-and fell back down, stars exploding behind her eyes.
"Don't move," whispered the cat. Her throat was bleeding again. Sticky blood clotted her fur, all the way down to her paws. Somehow she'd reopened the wound in her mad chase from FireClan. I guess I don't have much choice. Her vision blurred as she lay, waiting for the strange cat to tend to her. They came back and plastered something all over her neck, something cool and refreshing and pungent, and she let the cat's tongue run along her fur, cleaning the globs of blood out.
"What's your name? Mine's Yew. Although some kids like to call me Butterscotch. Have you ever had butterscotch? It's awful. I prefer chicken. Or rabbit. But the farmers keep shotguns around now so I've had to make do with robins. Would you like a robin? I'll get you a robin. And some water. You need it."
Mapledawn grunted. The world was still spinning. Even if she wanted to be friendly to this annoying cat-who she still hadn't turned to look at-she couldn't muster the strength.
She awoke later to sunlight and birdsong. Yew was trickling sweet, cool water into her jaws, and fresh-kill sat next to her head. Feeling dizzy, she sat and tore into the prey. It was a fat thrush, and it tasted better than anything she'd ever eaten.
"I added wild garlic for flavor. I know, sounds gross, but it really does make the meat more tender."
"Thank-" Mapledawn's words caught in her throat as she turned to glance at Yew for the first time. He barely even looked like a cat; he was skinny and tall, with gangly legs, an angular face, and the biggest ears she'd ever seen. His pelt was short and white with patches of orange, and his eyes were pale green. "What are you?"
"Oh! My people called me an 'oriental shorthair.' I'm not sure what that means, but it's very special. I cost a lot of money."
"Your-what? You cost… what? Wait, you're a kittypet?"
"You mean, do I live with humans?"
"Humans?" Did this cat speak another language?
"Humans! You know, those hairless things that walk on two legs? They drive around in big metal machines called cars?"
"You mean Twolegs." The other words were absolute nonsense. "Yes, them."
"No, I ran away when I was a kit. After they took my best friend to the Cutter and he couldn't-well, he wasn't really a tom anymore. I didn't want that." Yew wrinkled his long nose. "No thank you."
"Then you're a loner." Mapledawn nodded. "I am, too."
"Not a loner. I have friends." The strange tom looked offended. "I'll take you to meet them when you're better."
"Thank you," said Mapledawn, "but I really should be moving on."
"Not like that you're not." He tucked his long, skinny tale over his lanky paws. "What's your name, anyway?"
"Mapledawn."
Yew tilted his head. "That's a forest cat name. You mean you're one of those wild cats that live by the lake and stare at the stars?"
"I was. Now I'm not."
"Oh." They lapsed into uncomfortable silence for a long time. "What happened to you?"
StarClan above, he's nosy. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
Mapledawn sighed and shoved the thrush remains to Yew. "I was a part of FireClan. A warrior. But it wasn't safe for me there anymore. I had to leave."
"Just like that?" The loner frowned. "Didn't you like your home?"
"It was everything." She bit back a hiss. "No more questions."
"I understand." Yew looked monetarily serious. It made his long face look crinkled up, like he was about to sneeze. His unnaturally long neck just added to the whole effect.
"Okay, okay." Mapledawn chuckled despite herself. "You look like a constipated plover."
Yew laughed (maybe a little too loud, Mapledawn thought, but it seemed everything this cat did was a little too loud) and curled up beside her in the makeshift nest, a respectful distance apart. Sometime while she slept he'd cleared out the thorns and added feathers and moss to make it softer. Her neck ached, her muscles felt stiff and sore, but under the unfamiliar sky, with a weird cat at her side, Mapledawn managed to sleep. Somehow, she couldn't get rid of the big-eared loner, no matter how hard she tried.
I guess it's better than being alone, Mapledawn thought the next day as the two shared a rabbit.
They stayed in that little grove for three days. By the fourth, Mapledawn's wounds had healed enough for her to walk around, although Yew insisted she couldn't go far; whatever she'd done to reopen her throat wound had made it as bad as the day she got it. It didn't open again, and Yew kept putting herbs on it, but by her sixth day away from FireClan, she woke up to find the wound hot, sticky, and foul-smelling.
"Okay now we have to go meet my friends."
"I'm fine." Mapledawn stood on shaky legs. "Fine. Totally and completely good." Her legs buckled underneath her. Colors and sounds swarmed before her. Where'd the ground go? It was spinning, somehow. She dug in her claws to keep from pitching with the wavelike motion. Okay, that's… not normal.
"Oh, Great Star, you're burning up." Yew nudged her to her feet. Mapledawn didn't have the strength to protest-and besides, there's weird stuff going on… Why are there butterflies at night? Why was there a badger staring at her? It took all her concentration not to throw up all over the nice badger's claws.
"What's it like being a badger?"
"Lean on me. It'll be okay."
"Badgers are very large."
"Mapledawn, stay with me."
"Oh! Where was I going?"
"Mapledawn," said the badger with the big ears and the yellow-and-white fur, "right now I need you to focus. Can you tell me what season it is?"
"The red one."
"And what's that called?"
"Mmm… I dunno."
"Okay, that's… not working. Just a little bit further. Why don't you tell me a story? Tell me about your kithood."
"Oh, I know this one. Mom's name was Berryfeather. Dumb name. Father was Specklewhisker. I was an only kit. Father died in a battle over Sunningrocks… There were always battles over Sunningrocks! That's where I met Appledusk. I was just a 'paw. He was a new warrior. He was so handsome. And then Mom died too cause she was old, she was so old she died. And I was sad and Appledusk made me feel better." The ground was still swaying; she stumbled, and the badger caught her.
"Anyway. What? Oh, yeah. He said he loved me. We made all these big declarations. It was a whole… huge thing. He was the only thing. Specklewhisker's father, that's Heavystag, he was deputy under Oakstar. So my parents always wanted me to become deputy. But I just wanted Appledusk."
"Go on. We're almost there."
"When I had his kits, he just… Abandoned me. Like all of a sudden he never loved me at all, like we'd just been playing at love and he realized what loving me would cost him and it wasn't worth it. So he let them die. His own kits, his own innocent kits that never did anything wrong. And it hurt so bad even dying wouldn't make me feel better, I became a monster, and then his apprentice murdered me. He killed me. And no one even remembered who I was after that. For generations they just forgot what they did to me. What I became afterwards. My name wasn't… even a nursery story to scare kits. I didn't become hated and feared, they just… didn't care."
"Almost there. Tell me more."
"Oh, then I came back," she told the badger angrily. "They made me come back! And now it's all happening again. Everyone hates me even though I didn't do anything this time and the cat I'm in love with stopped loving me back and I had to leave and it's. It's all because of something I used to be, not what I am now."
"Who's they? Who made you come back?"
"StarClan. They live in the sky."
"Ooo-kay. Here we are, Mapledawn. Lay down here."
"On the lake? I can't sleep in water."
"That's grass."
"Oh." She slumped gracelessly into the patch of grass the badger pointed out to her. "So it is. What a nice badger."
Mapledawn was dimly aware of something cool pressed against her fur, and the bitter taste of herbs between her teeth, as her world pitched and tossed and spun dizzying colors. Unfamiliar cat scents wreathed around her, tanged with fear and worry. She knew nothing but blank sleep and far-off, hazy pain.