As Lincoln floated down the stairs, a smug grin plastered across his face, he was met with the familiar sight of his mother, Rita, standing in the living room with her hands on her hips and a beguiled expression. Like, oh my god, was she not understanding what her eyes were seeing.
"Lincoln Loud, what in the world is going on here? Why are you… hovering?" She gestured vaguely at his levitating form.
Lincoln chuckled, basking in the dumbfounded look. "What, this? It's just one of my new superpowers, mom. No biggie."
Rita blinked slowly, as if waiting for the punchline. When none came, she sighed deeply. "Superpowers." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, as long as you're not using them for anything dangerous or illegal, I suppose I can't stop you."
"Actually, Mom, I was kinda hoping to cash in on that promise you made?" Lincoln gave her an exaggerated wink and a finger gun gesture.
Rita stared at him blankly for a moment before realization dawned. "Oh! The grape popsicles! You mean you actually managed to survive a whole week without destroying the house or going to the emergency room?" She looked around at the various states of disarray and disrepair, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"Hey, you never specified the condition the house had to be in!" Lincoln protested with a mischievous grin. "I just had to make sure my sisters didn't literally kill each other. Which they didn't, fantabulous planning and conflict resolution!" He performed a few showy midair maneuvers.
Rita couldn't help but smile and shake her head in bemusement. "Well, I suppose you've got me there. A deal's a deal. Let me just get my purse and we can head to the grocery store." As she turned to retrieve her things, she called over her shoulder, "By the way, these 'superpowers' wouldn't happen to involve magician's tricks and illusions, would they?"
Lincoln adopted an expression of utmost innocence. "What? Psh, nah, these powers are 100% legit! I'm basically a real-life superhero now, mom."
"Mhmm, sure you are." Rita's tone was dry, but there was a fond smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "Just try to keep the 'heroics' from causing too much damage, okay? We're already paying enough on home repairs as it is."
As they headed out to the car, Lincoln grinned and gave his sisters a roguish wink and a click of the fingers.
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
Lincoln savored every sugary bite of his long-awaited grape popsicle, the icy treat melting blissfully on his tongue. He'd definitely earned this small victory after the tumultuous morning he'd had. As he and his mom returned home, Lincoln was greeted by an overly enthusiastic Leni, who insisted on immediately outfitting him with a "super tuxedo" she'd whipped up.
They're forming in straight line
They're going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The blitzkrieg bop
Stepping out from behind a dressing screen, Lincoln found himself adorned in a dashing magician's costume complete with a swishy cape, top hat, and classic white gloves. He had to admit, his fashionista sister had outdone herself - he looked like he'd stepped straight out of a classic magic act. Giving the cape an experimental swirl, he grinned and struck a heroic pose, reveling in the admiring gasps from his sisterly audience.
They're piling in the back seat
They're generating steam heat
Pulsating to the back beat
The blitzkrieg bop
Later that day, Lincoln made his way to the Loud kids' usual hangout spot, his new outfit garnering more than a few confused double-takes from passersby. Clyde's jaw virtually hit the sidewalk when he caught sight of his dapperly dressed best friend, but his astonishment only grew when Lincoln demonstrated his telekinetic abilities by making a stray soda can dance a jig.
Within moments, the two were joined by Ronnie Anne, Zach, Liam, Rusty, and Stella, all drawn in by the commotion. Lincoln couldn't resist showing off further, suspending Clyde and Ronnie Anne in the air with an impish grin. While their expressions cycled through shock, delight, and mild terror, their other friends looked on in stupefied awe.
Hey ho, let's go
Shoot 'em in the back now
What they want, I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go
Zach frantically adjusted his glasses, convinced he was seeing things. Liam muttered something about really needing to cut back on the "herbal refreshments." Rusty began frantically sketching in his notebook, desperate to document the seemingly impossible sight before him. Stella simply stared, utterly transfixed.
With a rakish wink, Lincoln channeled his bizarre new energies, extending his metaphysical "mana" to envelop Clyde and Ronnie Anne. Slowly, their faces shifted from trepidation to wonder as they found themselves able to defy gravity and manipulate objects with but a thought.
Clyde let out a giddy whoop of exhilaration as he soared overhead in wide looping circles, temporarily freed from the constraints of his dorky demeanor. Ronnie Anne opted for a more restrained approach, idly spinning a basketball on her fingertip with an impish smirk.
The trio spent the next couple hours engaging in all manner of madcap stunts and silly hijinks, putting on an impromptu magic show that dazzled their incredulous friends. Objects danced through the air in kaleidoscopic patterns, levitating spectators were passed from hand to hand, and the borders between reality and illusion blurred until they were utterly indistinguishable.
When Lincoln's metaphysical reserves finally depleted, leaving him unable to sustain Zach, Liam, Rusty, and Stella in his mana field, the disbelieving quartet could only gape in a stupor. Clyde and Ronnie Anne retained just enough power to gently lower themselves and their awestruck pals back to the ground before the last vestiges of sorcery dissipated from their bodies.
An air of bewildered silence hung over the group as they attempted to process the bizarreness they'd just experienced and witnessed. With the very laws of physics and reason having been gleefully bent and distorted before their eyes, even the most plausible scientific explanations felt utterly insufficient.
As the threesome looked at each other with matching impish grins, an unspoken consensus passed between them: with abilities like these, surely they could find all sorts of creative ways to liven things up in the ordinarily humdrum suburbs of Royal Woods. The real challenge would be deciding where to kick their tomfoolery off. off their tomfoolery first.
The jovial atmosphere was abruptly shattered by a familiar sound - a mocking, derisive meow that caused Lincoln and Clyde to freeze in their tracks. They whipped their heads towards the source to find the infamous Kitty from their misadventures at the Ace Savvy movie tryout convention, perched smugly on a high tree branch.
The feline's eyes glinted with disdainful recognition as it regarded the two boys who had once tried and failed to 'rescue' it, only to suffer the humiliating fate of being forced into service as the cat's personal litter scoopers. Kitty seemed to be relishing their stunned expressions, letting out a taunting yowl as if to say, "Well, well, if it isn't my favorite humans..."
Lincoln and Clyde shared a pained look. As self-appointed superheroes, they were ethically obligated to save the creature from potential danger. But the traumatic memories of their last run-in with that smug furball made them incredibly reluctant to get involved again.
Just then, Kitty feigned a misstep, temporarily losing its balance on the branch with an exaggerated wobble. The silent gauntlet had been thrown.
Gritting his teeth, Lincoln stepped forward, concentrating his metaphysical energies. If that mangy feline wanted to play games, two could tango. With a dramatic flourish, he whipped out a vibrant red cape and began twirling it in an intricate pattern, all the while channeling his powers of illusion and misdirection.
To the astonished observers, it appeared as though Lincoln had literally made the cat vanish into thin air mid-wobble. Lincoln threw his arms out wide, head held high as he basked in the awestruck applause from Clyde.
"Tada! Cat successfully rescued!" he proclaimed with a showman's flair, spinning his cape closed with a cocky grin.
Ronnie Anne, however, was utterly nonplussed. "I don't get it," she deadpanned. "Where did the stupid cat actually go?"
Lincoln's smile froze as realization set in. In his zeal to pull off an impressive bit of perception-bending trickery, he hadn't actually stopped to consider the cat's true destination...
"Ah, who cares," he said with a flap of his hand as he walked along.
"But Lincoln, he could be hurt!" said Clyde. And this did tug at Lincoln's consciousness something fierce, the fact that he had not wanted to actually cause anyone grievous harm, and if he did cross that moral event horizon, what separated him from the villains he always loved seeing thwarted?
Luckily for them all, he did not have to grapple with this for all that long, for you see, the evil cat caterwauled from somewhere tinny and echoing, and their eyes turned towards a rumbling, hissing trash can. The lid popped off, and there came the cat, eyes fiery, with a banana peel as a crown.
MEANWHILE...
The Loud sisters lounged lazily in the living room, pretending to watch a rerun of "The Dream Boat" while their minds wandered. An air of nonchalance permeated the space – Lincoln's newfound superpowers were hardly the weirdest occurrence this chaotic family had faced.
"I just hope Linky's, like, totes being careful with those powers," said Leni, momentarily peeling her eyes from the television to a portrait of the family on the wall.
Lana, idly picking at a hangnail, scoffed loudly. "Eh, give it a couple days. Sometimes you just need to spend a few days breaking things in, sorta like a new pair of pants!" She punctuated the statement with a rancid fart that made Lola recoil in disgust.
"Ugh! Do you mind?!" the pageant princess shrieked, frantically brushing glitter out of her meticulously coiffed hair. "I'm still finding this stupid sparkly stuff from Lincoln's dumb prank all over!"
Luna chimed in with a wistful lilt. "Duuude...can you imagine if we all had insane superpowers like Linc? I could shred guitar solos hotter than the devil's fingers with speed like that!"
To this, Lisa replied, "Speaking of the devil's fingers…"
Upstairs, Lucy sat rigid in the dimly lit bathroom amidst a haphazard ring of mystical symbols and flickering black candles. Pages of scribbled incantations and occult tomes were strewn about the cramped space as the young mortician focused her energies.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Lucy began murmuring. Her limited grasp on the nuances of the language resulted in a somewhat butchered pronunciation.
"Itmur an'shaytan alghadib...itmur shaytan alghadib ila hunayik..."
As the guttural vowels and harsh consonants tumbled from her lips, the very air seemed to grow heavier, saturated with ethereal energies. Suddenly, a swirling crimson vortex sparked to life before Lucy, causing the candles to shudder wildly in its unearthly windstorm.
From within the eye of the vortex, Lori's furious scowl slowly materialized, her face contorted into an apoplectic mask of rage. She brandished her phone like a weapon, seemingly locked in the throes of an explosive rant at some hapless victim on the other end.
"Listen here, you little sh-" Lori's tirade cut off as she registered the bizarre surroundings of the cramped bathroom and overhead candlelight.
Her eyes landed on the scattered occult paraphernalia surrounding Lucy and she physically recoiled, her expression cycling from anger to revulsion.
"You know what? I don't even want to know," the eldest Loud offspring held up a hand, shaking her head adamantly. Turning on her heel, Lori wrenched open the bathroom door and brusquely shoved her younger sister out into the hallway.
"Get out! I literally need to go! Whenever I get this angry, it just churns up the meanest stomach cramps."
Before Lucy could react, the door slammed in her impassive face. For the next few excruciating minutes, a grotesque symphony of biological expulsions reverberated from the other side, punctuated by Lori's strained groaning and pants of exertion.
Lucy simply blinked, utterly unfazed. "Sigh...perhaps the attic will provide a more amenable space for invoking the darkness."
With that, the young necromancer slipped away, her mind already racing with modified incantations for her next summoning ritual.
In the shadowy recesses of the Loud family's attic, Lucy sat cross-legged amidst a hazy halo of flickering candlelight. Stacks of dusty tomes and esoteric scrolls surrounded her, their secrets whispering of arcane rituals and forbidden incantations from cultures long dead.
A soft fluttering signaled the arrival of Fangs, Lucy's faithful vampire bat companion. The little creature landed deftly upon her outstretched wrist, regarding her with bright, curious eyes.
"Fangs, we find ourselves at a crossroads," Lucy intoned, her voice low and somber. "Our brother Lincoln has been granted extraordinary power by infernal forces, abilities far beyond the reach of mortal man."
Fangs cocked his head quizzically as Lucy continued, hints of wistful longing creeping into her monotone voice.
"Though his intentions may be pure, we both know his usual capacity to cause trouble could be his undoing."
Fangs gave an understanding chirrup, as if urging her to go on.
Posing dramatically, clenching her fists, and swooning against the moonlight filtering in, Lucy went on, "And yet...a part of me yearns to sample such esoteric energies for myself. To transcend the shackles of this corporeal shell and dance amidst the ethereal planes as a mistress of the arcane arts."
Her gaze drifted to an ancient, dust-caked leather-bound tome – Great Grandmother Harriet's legendary grimoire of global occult practices. Gently prying it open, Lucy's fingers reverentially traced the intricate illustrations and indecipherable scripts.
At last, her search yielded the perfect summoning ritual– an ancient Arabic incantation to call forth a formidable ifrit, or Wonder Djinn, capable of bestowing immense mystical prowess upon a worthy summoner.
Inhaling deeply, Lucy allowed the eldritch syllables to spill forth, her voice echoing with ethereal reverberations that set the air itself thrumming with power.
"Usitatuma'an wanikhlas aleinati ala'iilahiati dhu alqudrati!"
A tremor ran through the attic, sending dust motes swirling in dizzy patterns around the candleflames. The shadows seemed to stretch and distort in unnatural ways. Fangs gulped and shielded its eyes with its wings as the insanity began to increase.
"Almugarrirun dhu alishrakat almalai'kah!"
Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance as the temperature plummeted. Lucy's breath misted before her, though she showed no outward reaction.
"KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE, SPOOKY!" screamed Lynn from below, banging with a broom.
"Al'iilahudaalayhua lilmutaqinayahdiya!"
A percussive tremor shook the foundations of the house itself. Objects rattled precariously on their dusty shelves as a sense of overwhelming pressure descended.
"DAMN YOU, SPOOKY!"
"Ittahamani biqudratika alrruwhiati alhaqiqia!" Lucy practically roared the final line, her voice taking on an ethereal growl.
With an earth-shattering KRAKATHOOM, the air before her erupted in a towering cyclone of crimson flames. The infernal maelstrom whipped Lucy's raven locks into a frenzied dance, yet she remained utterly unperturbed.
From within the blazing vortex, a deep, booming chuckle rang out, shaking Lucy's very bones. "Chee hee hoo and poo hoo hoo, I be bored and the Wink helps you!"
The flames abruptly vanished, leaving behind...a dweeby-looking genie complete with baggy turquoise pants, a jingling cap, and oversized spectacles. He grinned eagerly at Lucy, giving a jovial salute.
"What's kickin', little black mama? Old Wink's at your service for all your fantastical, wish-granting needs! So whatcha want? Riches? Romance? The ability to burst into funky tunes on demand?"
"..."
The Wink did jazz hands!
"..."
Jazz hands!
"..."
When Lucy remained stubbornly mute, Wink huffed out an exasperated sigh and adjusted his oversized spectacles. "Look kid, you gotta make a wish already. I got a super tight sched' of granting dreams across multiple dimensions. So unless you want me to zap out of here and leave you high and dry..."
At last, Lucy found her voice. "Very well then, supernatural entity. I wish to transcend the limitations of my feeble mortal husk and be transformed by the dark powers of the full moon into a mystical, eternal creature of the night."
Wink's brow furrowed in confusion at her overly poetic phrasing. Before Lucy could clarify, the genie snapped his fingers.
"Your wish is my command...desu!"
Lucy gasped as turquoise motes of magic enveloped her. Her body began shifting- skin taking on a thicker tone as thick, wiry muscles rippled beneath. Most strikingly, a furry prehensile tail tore through the back of her dress, lashing wildly.
Lucy's eyes widened further as her classic raven locks morphed into a wild, spiked mane of coarse ebony that defied gravity. When the transformation was completed, she blinked slowly, feeling the unfamiliar weight of her new physiology as the spiky bangs fell across her face.
Author's Notes: Special thanks to DJ Sprouts for the Lori summoning scene.
Oh no! What has the Duchess of Darkness gotten herself into this time¿¡ How much damage will Lincoln cause to Mr. Grouse's yard? And who replaced my medication?