Author's Note: Since the last chapter was not a favorite of mine, I figured I would add this one now instead of waiting until next week. I hope you enjoy. - TLC

Chapter Five

Kaidan was awake well before he opened his eyes. He lay, listening to the sounds of the med-bay as he assessed his remaining migraine; a dull throbbing. He heard Dr. Chakwas on the other side of the room, quietly humming to herself. The soft of the monitors next to him told him Shepard was still there. He let his eyes open slowly and was grateful the migraine remained at bay. As he sat up, he looked over Shepard. She seemed unchanged for the most part. Though, her face appeared tense. As he adjusted to being upright he decided his migraine, while not gone, was manageable just like the Doctor promised it would be. He cleared his throat gently, "Ah, Lieutenant Alenko," Dr. Chakwas greeted in a soft voice as she turned to look at him. "How are you feeling?" She asked and he gave her an update as she walked over to him. She ran a quick scan, checking his vitals while nodding. "Very good. Day cycle has ended so your sleep schedule will be off," She walked over to a closet towards the back of the bay and returned with a box of tea bags. "If you're feeling too wound up to sleep right now try some of this tea. It should help you relax and fall into a natural sleep, instead of a drug induced one."

"Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. I appreciate all the extra steps you've taken to be able to handle my uh… 'condition,'" Kaidan offered her a smile, and she shook her head.

"Nonsense. It is not a condition. It is a side effect. A side effect of the very ability that allows you to be the type of Soldier the Alliance needs you to be. Don't ever apologize for it, just make sure you ask me for help when you need it and we'll be just fine," She admonished him like a mother would a small child, and it warmed him.

"Yes, Ma'am," He couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips. It was rare to find a doctor who saw the migraines for what they are. He was grateful for her presence on this mission. She tapped his knee and returned the smile before going over to her desk. Kaidan's gaze fell back to Shepard. He wished he'd still had an excuse to sit in the med bay and wait for her to awaken. The guilt gnawing at his core. "May I ask how the Commander is doing?" He inquired as he slid his boots back on.

"Based on her brain activity, I believe she is no longer comatose, just resting. I expect she should wake up soon," Dr. Chakwas answered. Kaidan looked again to her face, which still seemed restless. He started towards the door when he heard a soft moan leave her. He stopped and looked to her, her brow was creased and she was wincing.

"Dr. Chakwas, I think she's waking up," Kaidan called to her and she walked over as Shepard's eyes opened. In one fluid motion she sat, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Her hand went to her forehead and she held it. Dr. Chakwas opened her omni-tool to run a scan. Shepard's eyes were pinched closed and her jaw was clenched.

"You had us worried there, Commander. How are you feeling?" Dr. Chakwas asked as Kaidan moved to stand behind the doctor and give her room. Shepard was pale still, with dark circles under her eyes.

It took her a minute to answer, as if she were assessing herself. She lowered her hand, and slowly opened her eyes. She took a few deep breaths. Her voice was soft and quiet when she spoke, "I'm alright, just a minor throbbing. No worse than the day after shore leave," She attempted a joke, but winced with her chuckle. The doctor smirked as she finished her scan. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. I guess something happened down there with the beacon," The Doctor answered as she stepped away from Shepard. Shepard's eyes widened when she'd been told how much time she'd lost. Shepard stood, wavering slightly, and Kaidan had to restrain himself from reaching out to steady her. She caught herself and leaned against the bed for support.

"It's my fault," Kaidan spoke up before she could ask what happened. When her warm blue gaze moved from the Doctor to him he instinctively adjusted his stance to a relaxed attention. She seemed momentarily surprised he was there. "I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way," He added, and her gaze softened.

"Have you dealt with many active Prothean beacons?" Shepard asked, her tone thick with sincerity. Chakwas was smirking as she directed her attention to her 'tool.

"No, Ma'am," He answered, his face screwed up in confusion.

"Then stop it, Lieutenant," She scolded gently, while maintaining eye contact. "There was no way any of us could have known what would happen," She reassured him and as the weight of the guilt lifted from his shoulders he felt a relieved smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He could see the disappointment in her eyes. Though, he was not sure if it was disappointment in him or in herself and the failed mission. Either way, he didn't like it.

"Actually, we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately, we'll never get the chance to find out," Dr. Chakwas added absently drawing the Commander's attention. She seemed disoriented still, and possibly frustrated with getting pieces of information instead of a full briefing.

"Why? What happened to the beacon?" Shepard asked looking back to Kaidan. Her eyes were dark with anxiety, her lips a tight line and her brow was creased. He cleared his throat before he answered.

"The beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe," Kaidan started and was interrupted by Shepard.

"Goddamn it!" Shepard slammed her fist on the bed next to her and dropped her head, as a wave of blue energy whispered over her. The Doctor and Kaidan exchanged an apprehensive glance. There was a heavy silence in the room that lingered. Instantly, the guilt hit him again like a wave and he swallowed hard.

After a few long, tense moments Kaidan continued, "The blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship."

Shepard's shoulders lifted and fell with a deep sigh. "Well, thanks for the assist, L.T., I owe you one," Her tone was resigned, and dissatisfied. She didn't even look up. It was another moment before she lifted her eyes and met Dr. Chakwas's. Her color had returned. Her cheeks were flushed with disappointment, or embarrassment, that the mission had gone so wrong. "What's the damage, Doctor?" She asked.

"Physically, you're fine," Chakwas said and Shepard nodded, looking relieved. "Yet, I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming," Dr. Chakwas was watching her closely, and Kaidan wasn't sure if he should stay or if the point of his presence being appropriate had passed. Shepard turned her attention and found his eyes for a moment, and there was a flash of fear before they hardened, and dropped from his. He decided to stay.

She spoke with a soft yet firm voice, "I saw… I'm not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear. There were synthetics, the geth maybe. Slaughtering people, butchering them. It was, awful." Her eyes had drifted closed, and her arms crossed over her chest in a defensive pose.

The doctor made a soft noise acknowledging her statement, "I'd better add this to my report." Shepard's eyes snapped open and she glared at the Doctor. Kaidan shifted uncomfortably.

"What? That I had a nightmare? That's hardly relevant," Shepard's tone was dismissive, and annoyed. "I highly doubt either the Council or Alliance Brass will care that I had a bad dream. Especially after the mission went FUBAR. Of course I'd have nightmares about synthetics after seeing the geth destroy a human colony."

"Commander, we don't know what will be relevant right now," Dr. Chakwas argued as the door to the med-bay opened.

"How's our XO holding up, Doctor?" Captain Anderson's firm, baritone voice rang out from the entry as both Kaidan and Shepard moved to stand at attention. Kaidan couldn't be sure about the Doctor but he felt grateful for the Captain's appearance.

"All the readings look normal. I'd say the Commander's going to be fine," Dr. Chakwas announced closing her omni-tool and looking to the Captain.

"Glad to hear it. Shepard, I need to speak with you, in private," Anderson announced with a pointed glance at the Doctor and Kaidan.

"Aye, aye, Captain," He answered before turning his gaze to the Commander. "I'll be in the mess if you need me." Kaidan felt Shepard's gaze follow him and the Doctor out of the room. The door closed behind him and he sighed still feeling wound up. He knew he wouldn't be able to close himself in his sleeper pod and fall asleep right away so he took Dr. Chakwas's advice and headed over to the food counter to make himself some of her tea. He hoped it would do what she promised and help him fall asleep within a reasonable time. He was surprised at how relieved he felt when Shepard woke, and the fact that she'd absolved him of any responsibility. He still felt liable for losing the beacon, and he doubted anything she could have said would have made him feel better about it.

Once his tea had steeped he took it to the table in the mess. He heard the med-bay doors open and glanced over his shoulder. Captain Anderson went to his cabin and Shepard stopped for a second and looked around before finding him. She headed towards him and he stood to greet her. "Commander," He started and she waved him off.

"Please, just Shepard," She insisted, shaking her head.

"Alright, Shepard," He corrected himself before continuing. "I'm glad to see you're okay," He offered with a nod and she gave him a thankful smile. She seemed a little more relaxed after her conversation with Anderson, and Kaidan was glad to see it. She shouldn't blame herself entirely for the mission when Intel dropped the ball.

"How are you holding up? Things were pretty rough down there," She inquired pulling out a chair from the table and gesturing for him to join her.

He pulled out his own chair and sat while answering, "Yeah, you never get used to seeing dead civilians. Doesn't seem right, somehow, you know?" They were sitting side by side at the table. She dropped her eyes to her hands where she was worrying a torn cuticle. She remained silent, and he wondered where she was at that moment, because she certainly didn't seem like she was on the Normandy. "But at least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony," He reminded her, trying to reel her in.

She didn't answer for almost a full minute. "We," She corrected, her head tilted to the side and she looked up at him. He cocked his head at her not sure what she meant. She explained, "We stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony. I couldn't have done it without you."

"We're marines, we stick together," He reminded her, simply. "I'm just… I'm sorry we lost Jenkins." He looked away from her this time. It was still hard for him to believe it had been just the day before that he had tossed the young man into the wall. It was never easy to lose a squad mate, but to lose someone so fresh and full of ambition was simply tragic. At least veteran soldiers knew the score going in. Jenkins had still held on to his youthful ignorance. He'd been secure in the knowledge that he was invincible – until he wasn't. Shepard and Kaidan's histories had already shown them that wasn't the case.

"Yeah, I … fuck I wish I could have done something to save him," She stated, her voice gentle. "I hate losing soldiers under my command." A deep sigh lifted her shoulders and she roughly rubbed her hands over her face. Her skin was flushed when she dropped her hands back to the table.

"I was there, you did… everything right. It was just… I don't know bad luck," He offered looking back to her. She made a face, like she appreciated the sentiment, even if she didn't agree with him. He sipped his tea and tried not to study her expressions as she thought. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

After a minute she looked up at him, "I hear Anderson had Williams reassigned. He said you vouched for her?" She asked, and he nodded. "Good. I'm glad we both saw her potential. With the right leadership, and some experience under her belt she'll make an excellent officer candidate."

"She survived. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do," He said and she nodded looking back down to her hands. He sipped his tea, giving her a moment before continuing. "It's been a hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission ends with one Spectre killing another. The Citadel Council's not going to be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance."

She seemed surprised when she looked up at him. "You've got a good grasp on the situation. You a career man?" She asked, avoiding the topic of her own recommendation to the elite group. She seemed glad to speak of something aside from the mission.

"Yeah, I'm sure you know, a lot of biotics are. I mean, we're not restricted, but we sure don't go undocumented," She nodded with a shrug of her eyebrows as he spoke and he liked that she was actually listening to him. A lot of his COs in the past would make conversation, and then let themselves get distracted with something more pressing. Joker was right. She did want to know her crew. He continued, "May as well get a paycheck for it. Besides, my father served. When I finally enlisted, he said it made him proud," He paused. "Is that why you're here? Your family?"

"Nah, we were farmers on Mindoir. My younger brother had wanted to enlist when he was of age. He hated the colony life, felt trapped. I imagine he would have been a lot like Jenkins," A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when she spoke of her family. She let the silence stretch for a minute and took a deep breath as the smile disappeared and she continued, "I'm the only one left now but, that's… I've moved passed that."

"Oh, right," He paused, feeling unsure how to keep the conversation going after touching on such a personal, obviously sensitive subject. He finished his tea, "Scuttlebutt says we're heading for the Citadel, Ma'am. Can you tell me why?"

"Ma'am? Didn't we cover this on Arcturus?" She said with a slight smile, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

He laughed softly, and her smile widened. "Right, sorry, Ma-" He stopped himself and let his breath escape before correcting himself, "Shepard."

She chuckled quietly, "Well, I don't know why the crew can't steer scuttlebutt topics away from the mission and focus on the juicy personal dramatics that keep the worlds turning," She sighed, and looked up at him. She was quiet again, clearly deciding whether or not to divulge the information. Her eyes were so clear and open in their scrutiny. It was unnerving. "Captain wants to brief the Council. He's hoping the Ambassador can get an audience with them, so we can tell them what Saren's been up to."

He was glad she'd felt she could trust him, and hoped he would continue to prove worthy of it. "Well, that makes sense. I mean, I'm sure they'd like to know he's not working for them anymore,'' He acknowledged, hoping she knew it would remain between the two of them. He assumed she did, or perhaps she was testing him to see if this would end up in the rumors circling the ship. He stifled a yawn. The Doctor's tea was doing its job. He was glad she didn't notice as she continued talking.

"So," She started almost sounding timid, which seemed oddly out of character for her, "Got any advice on how to act in front of an Ambassador, or the Council? I don't meet many politicians." She reached behind her head and with the tug of a few pins her hair fell from its bun, which had been messed by the events of the day. She ran her fingers through it. Kaidan caught a familiar scent in the air as she did. It was soft, floral, and almost sweet and there was a note in it that reminded him of something. He just couldn't place it. He cleared his throat when she made eye contact again.

"An Ambassador?" He contemplated for a second. "Honestly, I just follow standard operational procedure: Salute anything you can eat or kill," He offered and smiled when she laughed.

"Good advice," She said the smile lingering. "Well, when we get done with business, you and I should review the liberty rotation. Get the crew's schedules all straightened out," She suggested as she slid her chair back from the table.

"Sounds like a good idea. I know some of the crew could use it," He agreed. He'd worked on the schedule before Eden Prime but they were still awaiting her approval.

A comfortable silence fell over the pair, and Kaidan couldn't stop the yawn this time. With a soft smile she glanced at her 'tool. "It's getting late, L.T., or early, really," She sighed and bit her lip. "You should get a couple hours shut eye. It'll be awhile until we dock and I want you fresh when he hit the Citadel."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am," He said, and shot him an exasperated glance. He chuckled as he spoke. "Sorry, Shepard. It's going to take a little getting used to," He admitted, sheepishly. He was a creature of habit and not one to ignore propriety.

"I suppose there are worse things you could call me," She smiled and wished him a good night before heading towards the stairs that would take her to the Bridge. As she went, she pinned her hair back up. He noticed her gait change just before she hit the stairs. She was officially back in work mode. He was glad she'd allowed herself the time to unwind before getting back to work. He wanted to believe that she had chosen him to spend that time with, but the truth is he was the only one awake, aside from Joker.

He sighed as he stood and disposed of the mug from his tea. He went to his personals locker outside the med bay and stored the rest of the tea as he grabbed his bag for the showers. A quick shower, wash off the day and he'd get some rest for the morning cycle. He sincerely hoped the Council would see that Eden Prime wasn't Shepard's fault and give them the support they needed to stop Saren and the geth. He promised himself he wouldn't make another stupid mistake. He promised himself he wouldn't let her down again. Now that he knew how much this mission would affect her, specifically, he felt the urge to make sure it was a success even more than before. He told himself it was because she was a respected soldier, a Spectre candidate and the brightest example humanity had to show the rest of galactic society what an Alliance Soldier could achieve; and not the fact that he was attracted to her.