Author's Note: Surprise! I have the next chapter ready for you. This was one of my favorite to write, and truthfully, was one of the first I wrote before I decided to tell the whole story. Thank you to Jules Hawk, Vorcha Girl, and Elissa Theirin for reviewing the last chapter. I can't tell you how much I love hearing what you think. As always, enjoy! - TLC
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kaidan was procrastinating and he knew it. After the Commander stormed on board, dismissed the crew indefinitely, and thundered to her quarters, most of them left in a hurry. Kaidan was furious over the events of the day so he could only imagine how Shepard felt. After everything they'd found out, all the proof they'd found about Saren, the geth and the Reapers, it amazed him that they could sideline her - them. It astonished him even more that he'd spoken out of turn and cursed at the Ambassador. Apparently, he was learning to enjoy insubordination, and he was sure that was Shepard's influence; in more ways than one.
He was finishing packing up his station and had run out of ways to hang around the ship. His last stop would be to say goodbye to Joker on the bridge on his way out. He'd resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't see Shepard before he left. It was just as well. They would be grounded for a while and he would have time to reach out to her after she'd cooled off. She would be less intimidating then, anyway. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and started towards the stairs.
He stopped when the door to her quarters slid open and he watched, unnoticed, as she walked to her locker to grab her things. She dropped to one knee to open the lock and visibly sighed. He could read defeat in the way her shoulders hung. She leaned her arm on the locker and rested her head on her forearm for a second. Kaidan looked away feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. All he wanted to do was walk over to her, wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. Now that their mission was over, he could take her on the date she'd agreed to. He just wished their mission would have ended more on her terms than the Council's.
Kaidan jumped when a loud crack echoed through the mess hall. He turned quickly and watched Shepard pull back and punch the locker two more times in quick succession leaving a profound dent in the metal and a broken door. He watched her turn slowly and drop down to lean back against the damaged locker with her knees up. She rested an arm on each knee and dropped her head with an audible groan. Kaidan noticed a trail of blood running from her ruined knuckles to drip off the tips of her fingers. Solemnly, silently, he dropped his bag from his shoulder to the floor by his feet and made his way quickly to the med bay. As he passed her, he noticed out of the corner of his eye as she picked up her head and rested it back on the locker. He could feel her watching him as he walked, and it flustered him just a little.
He returned from the med bay and went to her. He dropped to his knees in front of her and sat back on his heels. He set the pack of medi-gel on the floor next to him and took her hand in his so he could clean the wound. She squeezed his hand and he looked up at her face. Her eyes were still closed, and her mouth was turned down at the corners. He decided this was his least favorite expression of hers, and made it a personal mission to see her smile again soon. He offered a light squeeze back before picking up the cloth he'd brought to wipe up the blood and clean the cut. She winced as he wiped over the open wound. He looked up at her and she opened her eyes and met his. She was angry, scared, and sad. Jenkins. Ashley. Countless civilians. They had died fighting this war and the Council had just taken away her ability to make sure it wasn't in vain.
He dropped his gaze from her eyes and blew softly on her knuckles to be sure the skin was dry before applying the gel. He looked up at her as he did this and made eye contact. Her face flushed and he felt that familiar twist in his core as she watched him. Though she was still angry, and that was clear, her features softened slightly as she watched him clean and wrap her wound. As he turned his attention back to her hand, he felt saddened as he wondered again when it had last been that someone, other than a medical professional, had taken care of her in this way. Once he was done dressing the wound, he dropped her hand and sat back before finally speaking, "There has to be some way to appeal. Have you contacted the Alliance?" He was sure she had, but he wanted to get her talking.
"What do you think I've been doing all day?" She snapped at him and he stopped and raised an eyebrow at her. She continued to glare at him for a moment, but he kept silent. He had grown used to the way her anger ebbed and flowed as she worked through her emotions. He knew she wasn't angry with him, but he was here, so she was taking it out on him. There was very little he could do to make this situation better, if all he could do was be her punching bag, he could do that. He could take it.
She sighed, and dropped her head back against the locker. She spoke softly this time when she continued. "I tried. All official channels are closed. We're grounded until further notice." He winced at the defeat in her voice. She picked her head up, stretched her neck from side to side and her eyes narrowed as she repeated the conversation she'd had with the Admirals. "I'm 'too reckless and can't be trusted to be discreet enough to meet Saren head on.'" She did a fairly decent impression of Admiral Hackett. "I still can't believe the Council had the nerve to throw Virmire in my face!" He could feel her anger as her biotic energy thrummed. "Like I wanted to nuke the place, it wasn't even my plan! It was the Salarian's plan, I just helped them pull it off," She lost her fire before she continued, pain clouding her eyes. "I lost a soldier… no, I lost a friend that day and they act like I did it lightly. So, we'll let Saren do what he wants unchecked. Then who do you think they'll turn to when it goes to hell? When the geth, fuck, the Reapers are knocking down the Council door?" At least now she sounded angry; it was better than sounding broken.
He sighed and shook his head, "One day we're trusted agents and they're telling you to do whatever you need to do to take him out, the next we're being grounded like disobedient teenagers. I think we should be sure to get good seats to watch the Reapers roll in," He let his exasperation show, and it brought a sad smile to her face.
"Now you sound like me. What happened to Mr. Bright-Side? Can't you just… lie to me?" She asked with an alien tremble in her voice. Kaidan was struck with the overwhelming urge to hold her once again. Hell, she was younger than he was and she was supposed to – what? – save the galaxy?
"Really? It's that easy? Alright," He paused and took her hand again, making sure to make and keep solid eye contact while he spoke, lacing his words with all the sincerity he could muster, "Everything's going to be okay, Shepard. We'll get through this."
She let a small, real smile play on her lips, though it didn't bring that sparkle he loved to her crystal blue eyes. A soft chuckle accompanied her words, "That was way too easy for you." She watched him let her hand go and stand. He brushed his hands off on his pants.
"You want Mr. Bright-Side?" He asked and she raised an eyebrow at him, "I owe you a dinner," He reminded her and the corner of his mouth turned up in a teasing smirk as he extended his hand to help her up. She held his gaze for a long moment, her eyes moving from his to his hand and back. She nodded and slipped her hand in his, her fingers wrapping around his wrist. He was always surprised that her hands were nearly as calloused as his. He expected them to be soft. When he felt the battle hardened skin of her hands he was reminded that she was a solider and that she had seen a lot in her years. He wished he could make this easier with more than lies.
He gave her a soft pull to help her to her feet. Whether it was too much force from his pull, or in her push off the floor, it didn't matter. She'd stumbled a little as she reached her feet and he'd reached out instinctively to stop her from falling. His arm around her waist and her cold hands clamped on his shoulders. Time seemed to freeze. They'd spent the last few weeks flirting, circling each other, skirting the regulations, stealing secret glances and brief touches. This was the closest they'd ever been. At least when they'd both been conscious and not surrounded by gunfire and geth, and not in their hard suits.
Kaidan could hear his heart pounding and the tingling of their biotics was a welcome sensation everywhere their bodies touched. Her cheeks were pink and her lips glistened. He could feel her breath dancing on his face. He pulled her a little closer, bringing her directly in front of him, snug against his frame. That fragrance filled his senses and he felt momentarily lightheaded as his nose brushed against hers. He heard her sharp intake of breath as their eyes closed, their lips a breath apart.
"Commander, I have a message for you from Captain Anderson," Joker shouted over the comm.
Kaidan and Shepard jumped apart as if they'd been shocked. "What is it Joker?" She asked, frustration evident in her tone. Her face was still flushed and he was still a little breathless. Kaidan ran his hands roughly through his hair as he looked to his feet. The Alliance part of him was screaming about regulations and courts martial and impropriety while simultaneously thanking Joker for intervening. While the man in him was half tempted to run up to the bridge and break a few of his bones, all the while celebrating the fact that he'd almost kissed her. When he realized she would have let him, he turned towards her and felt himself stand just a little straighter.
"He said to meet him at Flux," Joker answered and Shepard thanked the pilot before looking to Kaidan. She looked like she was about to say something, and Kaidan wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.
He was afraid; afraid that she would say it was wrong, and couldn't happen again. So he spoke before she could, "I guess you better go, then." She clamped her mouth closed, choking back whatever she'd been about to say and waited one second while looking at him. Then she turned and moved to the elevator. He watched her go and waited for the elevator to open before turning and burying his hands in his hair in pure frustration.
"Alenko," She called out while holding the elevator open. He jumped and turned to her. "You coming?" He hopped a little in his turn towards the elevator and jogged over so she wouldn't be waiting for him. Once they were both inside, she pushed the button for the cargo bay and leaned back against the wall facing him. He stood facing the door with his hands folded behind his back. The perfect picture of a military man. He turned his head to look at her. She leaned against the wall with her hands behind her back. She rested her head against the wall, which caused her hips to shift forward. Kaidan noticed her stance and swallowed hard. She was watching him, her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Do you think Anderson found a way to get us off this station?" He asked, surprised at the deep, husky tone in his own voice which betrayed his nerves and something else. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that they'd been so close to crossing that line when Joker had interrupted him. He was surprised he wasn't more conflicted as he considered his options. It seemed as if, for the first time in his adult life, he was just a man, not a soldier; and Sloan Shepard was just a woman. A woman he wanted to touch, smell… taste. Kaidan couldn't help but notice, in this moment, the fullness of her lips and the soft lines of her throat. It was hard not to admire the ampleness of her chest and her smooth curves as her waist narrowed and her hips flared. He cleared his throat. The elevator was heavy with potential energy; it was palpable.
She sighed and stood straighter picking her head off the wall, her hips rocked back to fall in line and correct her posture. "God, Kaidan, I hope so." She looked at him fully and he could feel her eyes moving over him, assessing him in the same way he had just looked at her. He gave a slight nod, more because he had come to a decision than in response to what she had said. He turned towards her and her face betrayed her curiosity. He took a step forward closing most of the distance between them, but still leaving space, a way out. He reached out slowly with his left hand towards the control that would stop the elevator between floors.
Her eyes shot from his outstretched hand to his eyes and they locked on. She was surprised, and when she smirked, he realized she was daring him with her deep azure eyes. He punched the button a little harder than needed and the elevator stopped abruptly. His heart was thundering in his ears and her cheeks were flushed as her velvet tongue slipped out to moisten her lips. Her chest was rising and falling quickly with the heat of anticipation. His eyes flickered from her mouth to her eyes, asking permission as his hands lifted to cup her face. He let his thumbs leisurely stroke her reddened cheeks as he leaned forward slowly. He was giving her an opportunity to stop him.
She didn't. She let her eyes close.
After an agonizingly long moment, his eyes closed and his lips met hers tenderly, briefly. He pulled back just enough to watch her for a second. Her hands were still clasped behind her back and her eyes were still closed. Their breath mingled deliciously between them. Another opportunity for her to stop him. When he realized she wouldn't, he whispered her name and pressed his lips to hers again, this time less delicate and more deliberate. She whimpered, barely audibly, as their lips locked. Her lips were soft and supple as they danced with his.
He felt her shift beneath him and without breaking their kiss her fingers hooked into the belt loops of his pants and she tugged his hips against hers as their kiss deepened. He groaned and dropped his hands from her face letting them wrap around her waist to pull her closer. There was this moment, as his arms encircled her and pulled her closer, when something changed. It was in the soft sigh that slipped from her nose and grazed his cheek as she opened her mouth and let him in. It was in the quiet groan that escaped the back of her throat as their tongues met. It was in the way she pressed her body against his as her hands slid up his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck. It was the moment she surrendered to him. The moment she released Commander Shepard and allowed herself to be Sloan. He was lightheaded, drunk on the heady, sweet taste of her, but not so lost that he missed that moment.
His hands roamed over the firm muscles of her back. As one hand slid up and rested at the base of her neck, his other hand was splayed over her hip. He had her pressed against the wall of the elevator, but he still wasn't close enough. As their bodies met mouth to mouth and hip to hip, their biotic energy mingled causing a satisfying tingle. His mouth left hers and she gasped as he left a trail of kisses along her jaw. Her head fell back to allow him access to the tender flesh of her neck. He kissed and tasted, his teeth skimming along her pulse point. Her hands tangled in his hair as her breath escaped in soft sighs.
He moved back to her swollen lips and assaulted her mouth once more. He swallowed her moan as her hands slid from his hair down to his back. Her reaction was enough to encourage him. He could feel her tremble in his arms as his hands moved firmly over her back to her behind to pull her closer. Her arms still around his neck and her hands grabbing at his shirt by the fistful, seemingly frustrated all she felt was shirt.
He ended the kiss reluctantly. He sighed against her skin as he placed a trail of soft, tender kisses down the opposite side of her neck before stopping at her collar and just holding her against him. She fit comfortably in his embrace and he enjoyed the thought that he could hold her, and keep her safe. He knew she didn't need protection, she could handle herself. Yet, there was an animalistic need to feel like the Alpha, and in this moment with his arms around her and her face buried in his neck, he did. Their breath came out fast and erratic. The elevator filled with the blue glow of their biotics. He hadn't even realized they had flared. He could still feel her heart pounding and knew his was beating to match as they struggled to come down from the erotic high they'd been surfing. They held each other for a brief eternity before he unwillingly released his grip.
"How's that for gun-shy?" He asked against her ear, his voice hoarse with unsatisfied desire.
Her soft laugh turned into a sigh when he placed another line of kisses along her jawline. "I didn't think you had it in you," She admitted. He pulled back, and restarted the elevator with a smirk, and a gleam in his eye as his arms circled her waist again. She had released her grip on his shirt and her hands had found their way back into his hair.
"I am full of surprises," He replied and she grinned as her hands gently slid down his biceps and back up, leaving a burning trail in their wake. "Right now," He continued, clearing his throat, "We're on shore leave and who knows what will happen after we meet with Anderson—"
She took one hand from his shoulders and placed a finger over his lips, understanding showing on her features. "Okay," She said and let her hands run down his arms as the elevator continued its slow descent. He grudgingly released his hold on her, but left his hands on her hips as she spoke. She seemed just as disappointed to pull out of their embrace. "One way or another, this mission is almost over. Then, you can take me to dinner," She promised as she reached up and smoothed his hair back into place. He kissed her softly one more time before breaking away completely.
By the time the elevator doors opened in the cargo bay, no one would have been the wiser. Though, Kaidan's step was lighter than it had been in a long time, and Shepard still had a slight flush on her cheeks as they headed to their lockers to arm themselves before heading to their meeting with Anderson. One could never be too careful on the Citadel.
Author's Note: I know, I strayed from canon a bit here... forgive me? - TLC