Author's Note: Once again, I'll start by thanking those who commented on the last chapter: Vorcha Girl, Kris B, Jules Hawk, and spacecats. I love all the comments that are left for each chapter, but to receive such positive comments on a chapter like the last one - with no Shenko and just Kaidan reading reports - is amazing to me, so thank you.

This chapter is one of the longest so far. I tried to split it, but couldn't find the right spot. So, enjoy. - TLC

Chapter Forty-Two

Kaidan woke not remembering falling asleep the night before. He knew he dreamt disturbing dreams, but thankfully, he couldn't remember them. He scrubbed his hands over his face and checked the time. He had three hours before he had to catch his shuttle to Vancouver. The trial was scheduled to start the following week, which gave him a few days to settle in at the hotel. Though, he had a few meetings scheduled through the week before the trial started. He would be in Vancouver for at least a month, while the trial ran its course. He stood, set his coffee maker and started his morning routine. While he exercised, his mind ran over the reports he'd read the night before. He replayed Horizon again, he'd lost track of how many times he had lived through that day. He lost count of all the different outcomes that had played themselves out.

He'd met with Liara the morning following his meeting with Anderson. He'd approached her table at the café while she was speaking into her omni'tool. Her voice was low and menacing, much different from the timid, soft whispers he remembered. "Have you faced an Asari Commando unit before? Few humans have…" He realized she was threatening the person on the other end of her comm. She sounded like… Benezia. It was then Kaidan remembered where he'd heard that threat before. It was the same one Liara's mother had shot at Shepard on Noveria. That felt like forever ago. "You will pay me what is owed, or I will flay you alive… with my mind." She disconnected, her eyes were midnight blue and thick with anger when she turned them to him. "Kaidan," She said his name softly, and it was a stark contrast to the way she'd spoken on her comm as her face softened. He found he was grateful to be on this side of the Asari.

"Hello, Liara," He answered and she gestured to the seat across from him and he sat. "Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes flicking to her 'tool and back to her face.

She smiled, and Kaidan shivered, "Everything will be fine. One way or another," She answered and Kaidan dropped it. "I am glad you were able to meet with me. It has been a while," She commented as the waitress came over and filled their coffee cups. He nodded as he sipped some of the hot beverage.

"Yeah, it has," He admitted. He hadn't spoken to her since they were picked up on Alchera. "How have you been?" He asked, and she smiled softly at him.

"I have been well. Working as an Information Broker on Illium," She confirmed and he nodded. "Congratulations on your promotion. I admit, I have been following your career. You seem to be doing very well for yourself." He wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that, but better someone he knew was watching him instead of some faceless Broker.

"Thank you. It's been a lot of work over the last few years, kept me busy," He played down the promotion, and looked to her eyes.

She smiled gently, "You deserved it Kaidan, and even Shepard thought so."

"Have you heard the rumors about Shepard?" He asked the question quickly, his eyes searching her face for clues. He found none.

She maintained her eye contact and shifted in her seat, not nervously or uncomfortably, before she asked. "I have heard them, and I can confirm them. She is alive."

He felt the color drain from his face, "How can you be so sure?"

"Well, let me start by asking if you know how Cerberus obtained Shepard's remains?" She sipped her tea while she waited for him to answer.

Kaidan swallowed hard. Her remains. "Truthfully, I wasn't sure they had," He admitted, and Liara nodded and pulled up her omni'tool.

"I will tell you, but I have already transferred the documentation for proof," She answered as her eyes moved back to his face. He heard his 'tool sound with the message received but he kept his eyes on Liara, waiting for her to continue. "Shortly after the attack on the Normandy, it came to my attention that the Shadow Broker was looking for Shepard's body to … sell to the Collectors. I knew I could not let that happen. I did not know what the Collectors wanted with her. I was contacted by Cerberus. Cerberus promised that if they had her, they could bring her back," He watched as her eyes dropped to the table between them. He sensed the conflict she felt, trying to tell if she had done the right thing or not. She sighed before continuing, "I told myself, as I handed her over to them, that I was doing it for her, because they could bring her back… but I just…" She paused again.

"Couldn't let her go," Kaidan finished for her. He knew the feeling.

Her eyes were glistening when they met his again, "Yeah, I knew they would use her for their own business but…" Her voice trailed off and she shrugged. Silence filled the space between them. "I don't know how they did it, Kaidan, but they did."

"Have you seen her?" He asked her, his voice like gravel as his eyes searched hers.

"No, but I believe she will be heading to Ilium soon, and I am hoping she will have the time to meet with me," She admitted and Kaidan nodded. He sipped the coffee before him and he felt Liara's eyes on him. "Have you seen her?" She asked him quietly. He lifted his eyes to hers, and sighed choosing not to answer her. That was the big question, wasn't it? Had he seen her or some Cerberus crafted look alike?

"I should get going. Thank you for meeting with me," He offered as he stood. She gave him a sad smile.

"Of course, Kaidan," She answered and he nodded and turned on his heel. He felt her eyes on him as he walked away. It was the last time he spoke to anyone from the Normandy. Neither Garrus nor Joker replied to his messages.

Kaidan finished his workout, and his shower, before packing his bag. He poured his coffee into a travel mug and made his way towards the docks. He didn't let himself think about Shepard's reports he had yet to read. He wanted to be able to give them the attention they deserved and his flight to Vancouver would serve as the quiet time he needed to really focus. He was expecting to meet Anderson when he landed for a full debrief. Then he would be having dinner with his parents. They had offered him his old room, but he turned it down. He wanted to stay closer to HQ during this visit.

Once he was settled in for the long flight, he pulled out the next data pad and continued to read about Shepard's time with Cerberus. The next report took her to Haestrom, a planet deep in geth-controlled space. The planet's sun was not behaving the way it should and the solar radiation would kill organics as well as overload shields and Tali had been sent here by the Migrant Fleet to study it. However, the planet was under attack by the geth and that is what Shepard had walked into.

From her report, it took quite awhile to work their way across the planet. Most of Tali's team had been killed in the fight. The geth were well fortified and replenishments were being dropped in steadily. Thankfully, Shepard and Garrus's experience with the geth helped immeasurably in securing Tali, her data, and the remaining member of her crew – a Quarian Commander named Kal'Reeger – and rescuing them from the planet. Kal'Reeger met up with the Migrant Fleet, and attached to the report was the message from the Admiralty Board of the Fleet officially approving Tali's transfer to the Normandy.

Kaidan had to wonder how Tali would have reacted to flying under Cerberus's colors and wished he'd reached out to her at some point. He had no way to know that she would have ended up back on the Normandy. Though, he was glad she had. He had to imagine Shepard appreciated another familiar face on board. He knew he was glad Tali had been there for her. It seemed like with each report he read, each mission Shepard had been on, showed him how desperate she had been. He didn't have a lot of regrets in his life, but Horizon was certainly moving up in the ranks.

He glanced around him, the shuttle was nearly full. He was hoping no one would speak to him, so he buried his face back in the data pad and moved on to the next report. The report put them on Illium. There was no mention of Liara, but Kaidan knew Shepard had met with her. Kaidan had received a message from Liara letting him know. Before he pulled up Shepard's reports from her activity on Illium, he opened the message from Liara.

Kaidan –

It does not seem possible, I know. Yet, it is true. It is her. I know you have doubts and I understand your reluctance to believe the unbelievable. Obviously, I am not sure what happened between the two of you, but I am hopeful you can work it out. She seems … different. Lost. Alone.

I believe she needs something, someone, maybe, and it is not me. It never was. Trust her, Kaidan. I am worried.

- Liara

He remembered the way his stomach had rolled when he read her message. How could she have been so sure? He had stared into her eyes on Horizon, and had not been able to see her. No, that wasn't entirely true. He had looked at her, and tried to see who she was. Two years had gone by, and regardless of anything else, that was two years of change. Of course he wouldn't have been able to see who she had been. He wasn't the same, it had been foolish for him to try to see the woman she had been on the Normandy, or in Vancouver. He pulled up the message he had sent to her, and sighed as he read it over.

Shepard –

I'm sorry for the way I reacted on Horizon. I should have taken the time to listen to what you were saying, but none of it seemed real. I spent two years picking up the pieces after the Normandy went down. I spent every day playing out the events of the attack and finding ways I could have saved you. I should have saved you. You were supposed to be in that escape pod with Joker when it landed on Alchera, but you weren't and I blamed myself.

It took a long time to move on and let go of the guilt. I'd even let my friends talk me into going out with a doctor on the Citadel. It was nothing serious, just dinner. Honestly, it wasn't until Horizon that I felt like I was back on my feet. Things were starting to make sense, again. It felt like I had a life, again. Then, I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. I know we joked about you doing the impossible, but coming back from the dead? What was I supposed to believe? That you had died and been resurrected or that you had simply left the Alliance… and left me?

I mean, it was real, wasn't it? What we had? Those weeks in Vancouver… the stolen moments on the Normandy… they meant everything to me. I thought it meant the same to you, but then you were standing there, with Cerberus, and nothing made sense anymore.

I know two years is a long time, but if you're still the woman I remember, you'll stop the Collector attacks and you'll come back to … the Alliance. When this is over, maybe… I don't know just… watch yourself. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you again. Don't trust them, Shepard.

Be careful.

- Kaidan

He couldn't bring himself to look at her response. He opened the next report. Her first objective on Illium was to obtain the assistance of the Asari Justicar named Samara. He paused at that. She had worked with a Justicar? A Justicar is an Asari who has given up their families and all worldly possessions aside from weapons and armor. After swearing themselves to the Code of the Justicars, they wander Asari space righting wrongs, as defined by their unwavering code of justice. They are well respected and feared. They're above the law in Asari space. He was amazed she had the opportunity to work with one. He turned his attention back to the report.

The Justicar was looking for information on a cargo ship that had left Illium recently and before she would be free to join Shepard she needed the information. In order to obtain the information, Shepard needed to solve the murder of a local businessman. The search took them into the base of a local mercenary group, the Eclipse. Turns out it was a new recruit to the group who had killed the businessman, and in the search they found the information on the cargo ship Samara had been looking for. They returned to her, and she agreed to join Shepard for her mission. There was a note attached to this report.

"Note: Never did I think I would have the privilege of working with a Justicar, but to have one swear an oath to me… there are no words. I am deeply humbled and hope I prove worthy of the honor. She has expressed an interest in my biotics and we have already had quite the conversation on the ability and how to harness it. It will be an unforgettable experience working with her."

The Justicar swore an oath to Shepard. She put aside her code and agreed to follow Shepard's orders. Kaidan couldn't imagine what that meant to the Asari as a people. It had to be a sight to see. The Justicar on her knee before her, pledging to follow her, had to be mind blowing. He felt the pride in his core as the thought about it, and what it would have meant to her in the middle of everything. When people who should have followed her turned her away, to have Samara promise to follow her had to be reassuring.

Her next point of interest on Illium was a Drell assassin named Thane Krios. The Drell were a species of omnivorous reptile-like humanoids. Their average lifespan is 85 galactic standard years. Drell appearance is very similar to asari and humans, but their muscle tissue is slightly denser, giving them a wiry strength. They appear to have five fingers on each hand, though the ring and middle fingers are fused. Their skin tone ranges from green to teal and is infused with a venom mild enough to be served in drinks. It has been known to cause mild hallucinations on "oral contact." He always thought they looked like overgrown lizards with large black eyes. Kaidan read over his attached dossier: "…trained from childhood as an elite assassin, proficient in both long-range sniping kills and close infiltration. He has slowed his activities in recent years but is rumored to have a target on Illium."

The mention of the Drell sparked a memory and he flipped through some of the other documents from the Alliance, as well as the image search he'd done on the extranet. There were multiple shots of her from her time with Cerberus from security feeds and the like that showed her with Garrus and the Drell. It appeared as if the Drell ended up rounding out her ground team. She must have trusted him a great deal.

There was one image he was looking for in particular. It was an image of her on Omega. She'd been wearing a short, black dress and tall heels. Her hair had been pulled up off her neck with elegant curls falling to frame her face. Her hand had been tucked into the arm of a sharply dressed Drell. They were headed into Afterlife, the night club on the station. When he found the image, he couldn't quiet the roar of jealousy that rumbled in his chest. He studied the image for a few long minutes, looking for a clue as to the point of their evening out. He couldn't imagine it would be a date. It had taken him quite a bit of convincing to get her to go to dinner with him. At the risk of sounding xenophobic, it was hard for him to believe she would be interested in an alien in that way.

He sighed roughly and forced his attention back to the data pad. Thane was on Illium looking for his mark. In order to find Thane, Shepard was determined to get to his goal first. She fought her way through the Asari's security forces. She must have been quite paranoid, she'd hired the Eclipse to keep her safe. Eventually, after fighting off the Eclipse, and their mechs, Shepard reached the Asari. In her attempt to convince her she wasn't here to kill her, she'd distracted her and her guards enough for Thane to drop into the room and complete his job.

She noted that he was ill, and it was terminal, though not contagious. He had decided to come with her on mission because he was dying anyway, and it would be an honorable death. There was a note attached to this report as well. It was the longest note yet, and Kaidan tried to tell himself not to read too much into that. "Note: Thane Krios is an interesting character and I am looking forward to working with him. I was first intrigued when he stopped and prayed over the Asari he'd been paid to kill. At first, I thought he was praying for her. I was surprised when he told me he was praying for himself. He's spent his life as a weapon, killing for coin, and now in his final days, he is looking for an absolution. I feel somehow honored that this man has chosen to spend this time helping me on this mission. I hope I am able to lead him to the pardon he is searching for. Though, I am doubtful he will find it following me. I am looking forward to speaking with him more, about his thoughts as he approaches death. It seems somehow morbid but he is receptive to my questions and seems to appreciate my take on the afterlife … and my company."

Kaidan stared at her words for a long time. He couldn't blame her for moving on, if that's what she had done. He pushes the thoughts from his mind, he can't entertain them. He has no claim on her, like a fool, he'd made that clear on Horizon. Though, her response to his message had made it seem like she still cared. He checked the time. He was only halfway to Vancouver. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He wanted to call her, she would be there by now. The Normandy turned over to the Alliance. It would be stripped of all things Cerberus and outfitted as an Alliance vessel again.

Shepard would be under lock and key. He didn't think she would be in a jail cell, but she would not have her freedom. She would go stir-crazy within days. He wished he could go to her. See her. Talk to her. Goddamn it, he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her she had done the right thing and that everything would be okay. There was no way to know that for sure, though. There was no way to know that everything would work out the way it should. For all he knew, she'd rather have Thane with her. He sighed, scrubbed his hands over his face, and turned his tired eyes back to her reports.

The next document was another note, "In obtaining the assistance of Samara and Thane, I have finished building my team. No, not my team, not entirely, it's the team provided for me by The Illusive Man. At this point, we're still waiting for a lead on the Collectors and their next target. I would rather not wait for them to attack again. I want to hit them at home, and I have said as much to The Illusive Man and he agreed. He states he will look for more information on where they are living. In the meantime, some of the crew members have suggested ways to improve the Normandy's armor and weaponry, so I will be collecting the raw materials and working with the crew to ensure the ship is in perfect condition for the final push to the Collectors."

He flipped to the next report and it was dated nearly three months later. That seemed like a long time to just repair and upgrade a ship. He wondered what else she may have been up to in the mean time. The report detailed a conversation between Shepard and "The Illusive Man." Apparently, The Illusive Man intercepted a distress call from Turian patrol who had come across a Collector ship. The Turians had been wiped out, but not before disabling the Collector vessel. He wanted Shepard to go to the ship and search for a way to get their ship to the Collector homeworld. The ship was disabled but intact, and there was a good chance the Collectors would be making repairs as they spoke.

They went directly to the ship. Shepard seemed anxious to get moving and wouldn't wait around now that she had the opportunity. They docked with the ship mere hours later, and instantly set up an uplink with EDI. Kaidan wondered again who EDI was. He assumed EDI was an engineer but was confused by the name. He read on. EDI would mine through the data on the ship for something they could use. The report documented the size of the ship; "massive" was her word choice. EDI had noted that the ship signatures matched those that attacked Horizon.

Kaidan paused at that. This was the ship that took those he was supposed to protect. This was the ship that took Lilian. Part of him didn't want to keep reading, the other part, the bigger part, needed to keep reading – needed to know what happened to them. His answer came in Shepard's next line. They'd come across a pile of bodies, or parts of bodies. The Collectors were running tests on the humans. He felt a wave of nausea when he thought of Lilian's gentle smile and general kindness. Sighing, he continued reading. Shepard reached the Control Terminal and started to search through the data. EDI informed her that the Collectors were running tests comparing their DNA to that of the humans. When EDI scanned the Collector DNA, she made a startling announcement. The Collectors were the Protheans, but their DNA had been changed. Technically, the Protheans were extinct. This was the future of humanity – to be slaves to the Reapers.

They continued their way through the ship, and Joker and EDI announced that not only was this the same ship from Horizon – it was the same ship that attacked the Normandy SR-1. Kaidan had the feeling that this was too much to be of a coincidence. What were the odds that the same ship that had been chasing Shepard personally, for over two years, would wind up disabled? As they continued, they came to a large open area with the walls and ceiling filled with pods. The area had more than enough pods to take every human in the Terminus systems without filling them all. Shepard's conclusion: The Collector's final goal was Earth. They were going to harvest every human. Shepard noted that EDI scanned and found no signs of life. Kaidan's heart dropped. All those colonists… dead.

They reached a main console, and Shepard established a direct link between the ship and EDI. The report states that the ship became active then, while EDI was uploading information and a battle ensued. Collectors and husks came to their area on floating platforms. They had to defend the link long enough for EDI to get all the information. Once the upload was complete, they had to fight their way out. From the sound of the report, it was an intense battle and by the time they reached the shuttle to the Normandy they were out of ammo and were fighting the husks off by hand. Thankfully, they were out of the ship and outside firing range before the ship reached full power.

He was surprised when he saw the note attached to this report. "Note: Fucker lied to me. Put my crew at risk for some fuckin data. He'd faked the Turian distress signal. He knew the Collector ship was live and would be coming back on. Goddamn it, I can't wait to be done with that son of a bitch! The good thing is, we have information on the Collector's IFF – Identify Friend/Foe – and we know where they live. Their homeworld is on the other side of the Omega 4 Relay. We just need to get the IFF and survive the suicide jump through the Relay. The Illusive Man is working on obtaining the IFF while I continue fortifying the ship."

Kaidan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He knew Cerberus couldn't be trusted. He was just glad she was okay – they were okay. He had never been angrier with someone he had never met as he was with The Illusive Man. No one had ever returned from a trip through the Omega 4 Relay. No one could speak for sure what was on the other side. Though, now that Shepard had returned, apparently she could. Why spend billions of credits to bring her back just to risk her like that? It didn't make sense. Then again, he was glad he didn't understand him. It would be disturbing if he could comprehend such a mad man.

There were only two reports left, he was near the end of her time with Cerberus. He turned to the next report. The Illusive Man had provided coordinates for a derelict Reaper. Kaidan didn't want to know how he'd found it, the fact that it had been lying there dormant was terrifying. It was caught in the orbit of a brown dwarf star, its drive core keeping it from crashing into the star and being destroyed. There was a Cerberus science team studying the Reaper, but there had been no response recently. Shepard was being sent to check on the team and to obtain the IFF.

According to the report, the Cerberus ship that was docked with the Reaper was deserted. They were halfway through the ship when the first Husks attacked. The report indicated that based on the lack of staff and the number of husks, the entire Cerberus crew must have been changed. Once they entered the Reaper proper, there were moments they were nearly overrun with husks and something Shepard labeled as Cannibals. The Cannibals seemed to be a combination of Batarian and humans who were changed, and they used the bodies of the fallen as armor. There was a moment when they were nearly overrun and a few shots rang out from over Shepard's shoulder dropping the nearby husks.

Who had fired the shot from so far away? There was no note as to where the shot came from. They continued into the ship. Once in the Reaper, its kinetic barriers went up and the only way the Normandy would be able to retrieve them would be to destroy mass effect core, which would cause the Reaper to fall into the brown dwarf. The report stated that they came across a geth when they crossed into the Reaper. The geth wore broken N7 armor and spoke to her by name, calling her Shepard-Commander before walking away. A geth that spoke? That was new, and where would it have gotten the armor? Garrus hacked the console outside the Reaper's core and obtained the Reaper IFF. Now, all they had to do was disable the core and get off before it crashed into the star.

They entered the core, and were swamped by husks. Luckily, the speaking geth was at the console in the center of the room and turned to take a few shots at the geth giving Shepard the opportunity to flare and gain some ground before the husks swarmed the geth and took it out. Shepard and her crew took care of the husks and worked at destroying the core. Just as it was shutting down, Shepard gave the order to take the geth and abandon the Reaper. They made it to the Normandy, and stowed the geth in the AI Core. She brought the geth? Why would she risk it? They'd spent years fighting geth, and she saved one? Though, it did save her, and spoke to her.

"Note: I wasn't sure whether or not to reactivate the geth. Upon closer inspection, it was my old armor it was wearing. It called me by name. I needed to know how it got the armor, how it spoke, why it saved me. I activated it, and I spoke to it. I spoke to a geth. It's not overtly hostile, and it wished to help me. I asked about my armor, it answered that there was simply a hole that needed a repair. It houses over 1,100 geth programs. It was specifically created after Sovereign – or Nazara as it called it – was defeated with the purpose of interacting with organics. It saved my life. It wants to help. It's part of my team now. We agreed on the name Legion. It felt it was an appropriate metaphor. Needless to say, The Illusive Man is not happy with my decision to keep it. I couldn't care less about his happiness. Right now, I just want to get through the Relay and be … done."

Done? He hadn't gotten much of her out of her notes, not until this one. She sounded exhausted, resigned, like she'd given up and was okay with it. She must not have expected to return from the Omega 4 Relay. No wonder she had accepted the kind of help she had. She was doing anything she could to ensure success without really expecting to survive. He felt the anxiety rise in his chest. He closed his eyes and reminded himself she had survived. She was alive, and safe in the Alliance's custody. His eyes opened wide and he looked down at her words on the data pad.

At some point, over the last two days, he had accepted the truth. It was her, not some clone, or lookalike, or high tech VI. It was Sloan Shepard. She had come back, and he had pushed her away. Again, right now, he wanted to be in front of her. He wanted to look at her, really look at her. He wanted to talk to her, he had so many questions after reading these reports his head was swimming with them. He wanted to go back to the SR-1, above Alchera, and tell her he loved her. He wanted to go back to Horizon, and follow her when she asked him to. He wished he'd been with her through all of this.

There was one report left, and he was just over an hour out of Vancouver. He turned his attention back to the data pad. This note did not accompany a report, and was dated a few days after the previous report. "Note: They took my crew. While the ground teams were planet side, the Collectors attacked my ship and took my crew. The Normandy is my home. They got away with attacking my home once, they won't a second time. This is over. Thankfully, Joker was unharmed. We're heading for the Omega 4 Relay."

He flipped to the final report. They arrived at the other side of the Omega 4 Relay. The Collector homeworld was revealed to be a large space station orbiting on the edge of a black hole. After surviving a sudden attack by the Collectors' security systems, the Normandy destroyed the Collector Cruiser sent to intercept it, and crash-landed on the Collector Base itself. It was decided that the base must be destroyed to end the Collector threat, Shepard divided her remaining squad into several teams to enter the base and overcome its defenses: Collector troops, husks, and seeker swarms. After fighting their way deep into the base, Shepard and company located the kidnapped Normandy crew, stored alongside thousands of other humans in pods. They discovered that the Collectors were breaking down the human victims into an organic "paste," which is being piped off to another part of the base.

Kaidan tasted the bile in the back of his throat.

At the base's core, they found a Human-Reaper larva, constructed using thousands of abducted humans. The budding Reaper was destroyed when the feeding tubes that supported it were shattered, causing it to fall into the depths of the base. Then Shepard opened a terminal to re-program the base's systems to overload. As Shepard ordered the team holding back the Collectors at the door to return to the Normandy, a message came in from the Illusive Man. He wanted Shepard to set the reactor to emit a radiation pulse instead of overloading it. This way, instead of the station being destroyed, the Collectors in the base would be killed and the technology left intact for Cerberus to use against the Reapers.

Against The Illusive Man's wishes, Shepard set the reactor to overload the systems and destroy the base. However, the Human-Reaper climbed out of the pit and engaged Shepard, Garrus, and Thane. With time running out, they fought back against the Human-Reaper larva, eventually destroying it once and for all. Shepard hurried back to the Normandy with Seeker swarms and Collectors in pursuit. They reached the Normandy with seconds to spare, and raced away from the base as the countdown reached zero. The Base, and the Collectors, were destroyed. Joker took them back through the Omega 4 Relay.

"Note: I spoke with The Illusive Man. I told him I was taking his ship. I'm officially rogue. Practically a pirate, which I think Jack has been waiting for. I have one last favor to complete for Admiral Hackett with the Alliance. Then, I plan on turning myself in. We need to prepare. The Reapers are not going to give up."

Kaidan sighed. She had been through so much over that time with Cerberus. He hoped he would have an opportunity to speak with her when he arrived in Vancouver, though he doubted that would be a possibility. He closed down the file with the reports. His mind swimming with everything she had accomplished. He opened his message program and searched through the old messages. He found hers.

Kaidan –

Thank you for your message. You should have listened to me on Horizon, but I didn't have a lot of information to give. Honestly, I'm still not sure exactly what happened in the two years I was out. There are medical records, but I couldn't bring myself to look at them. Yes, I wanted you to come with me, but you wouldn't be the man I knew if you had followed me. I understand that.

You have to stop blaming yourself for things you had no control over: Ashley, Luna, and the SR-1. You have to stop doing that. You had no control during the attack. I took that away when I gave you the direct order. When you left, you were doing the right thing. Now, stop making me repeat myself.

Congratulations on your promotion. I know you earned it, and I'm … glad to hear you were able to move on. I'm sorry if my reappearance caused you problems. You know, when I woke up in the med-bay on the Cerberus station, before I realized it was Cerberus, I looked for you. I can't remember the last time I woke up in a hospital and you weren't there. At first, I was afraid something had happened to you. I was glad to learn you were okay. I never wanted to hurt you.

Two years is a long time, yes. I am still the woman you remember. We've just returned from our trip through the Omega 4 Relay. I've stopped the Collectors. I have one last favor to complete for Hackett, and I will be coming back to the Alliance. Kaidan, I never trusted Cerberus. I trusted their resources, and I used them to get a job done. What else would you have expected from me?

I don't know exactly what will happen once I get back to Arcturus. I did try to contact you. David stonewalled me and I had to be careful with what I said to who on the ship. I had no way of knowing for sure what was being monitored. It has been so hard not knowing who I could trust, not knowing who was watching and when. I'm just glad it's over.

I know this all sounds crazy, and I know it's hard to believe. Those two years didn't happen for me. So, when I saw you on Horizon, Vancouver was four short months earlier. I don't know how long it took you to move on from me, from us, but four months was not enough for me.

Goddamn it, of course it was real.

- Shep