Author's Note: I am so sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter up for you. Working two jobs, being sick, and a death in the family really puts a hindrance on your writing. Thank you to those who favorited, followed, or commented on the last chapter. Specifically: spacecats, Vorcha Girl, RBurger, Elissa Theirin, eme-mac-tir, Jules Hawk, Kirsah, and the guest. I think I replied to everyone, but if I missed you, I'm sorry - it's been a crazy two weeks.

To the guest who commented - I really wish I had the opportunity to reply to you directly! I am so glad you took the time to leave the comment. I absolutely love hearing what you think. I don't want to give too much away, but I will say this: I hope you stick with the story and see how everything plays out. I hope you'll comment once the Thane arc is completed. I'm anxious to hear what you think.

Thank you, again, for your patience with this chapter. Enjoy. - TLC

Chapter Forty-Three

Kaidan closed his eyes and let his head rest back on his seat. He blamed the vertigo he felt on the gravity shifting as the shuttle came in to port and not the information swimming around in his head. He had already decided to head right to Anderson's office. While it would be nice to see the Admiral, what he really wanted was to see Shepard. He needed to know what happened with that favor she did for Hackett, it was the last missing piece of her puzzle. He had heard the news: Shepard had taken the Normandy into Batarian space and ended up destroying the Mass Relay, and the system it belonged to – thus exterminating 300,000 Batarians. There was no official report. She had gone in alone and had only spoken to Hackett and Anderson about the events in the Bahak System.

He was grateful for the opportunity to read over her reports. Though, in the end it added to the gnawing guilt he felt for not joining her when he'd had the opportunity. She had expressed in her message the struggle she felt not knowing who she could trust. He could only imagine how painful that would have been. He was glad she had replied to his message, it gave him hope that maybe she could forgive him for walking away from her on Horizon. He had said some terrible things, he knew that, but when he had said them, he wasn't sure he was talking to her. Garrus, Tali, and even Liara had been able to just believe when they saw her. They hadn't been in love with her. They didn't have to wonder why she would have walked out on them. He sighed as the shuttle came to a stop, and the pilot gave them clearance to depart.

He stood, pulling his bag onto his shoulder as he stepped off the shuttle. He rounded a corner, and stopped in his tracks as his eyes fell on an achingly familiar view. The Normandy was at the next dock, already being repaired. There was severe damage to the hull, large sections were scored with angry black lines, areas were cracked, and her paint scratched. She looked broken. The damage proved to be a visual record of her battles. Kaidan felt the chill trace his spine. The last time he'd seen her so damaged he was in an escape pod as he drifted towards Alchera. He took comfort in the Alliance clad engineers climbing over her hull making repairs and scraping the traitorous Cerberus yellow off her. She looked better in blue.

If the Normandy was here, that meant Shepard was here – in Vancouver.

He leaned against the railing and let his eyes move over the ship as he thought about Shepard surrendering herself. He knew they would have removed her amp. Removing that piece of equipment was like taking off an arm. Soldiers claim their guns become part of them, but when an amp is removed unwillingly it can leave an empty feeling deep inside. Like a soldier waking up in the hospital missing a limb, knowing something is supposed to be there, but it's not. He wondered if the person who took it knew how to take care of it. Kaidan knew Shepard spared no expense when it came to her amps. There were so few Biotics in the Alliance he doubted it would be handled properly. Her bags would be searched. She would be scanned. He hoped the MP in charge would be respectful. She would only be allowed minimal personal items. He wondered if they had cuffed her hands or let her walk freely between them. He hoped they'd allowed her that dignity.

Kaidan opened his 'tool and sent a message to Anderson requesting a meeting as he turned and made his way towards HQ. He hadn't spent too much time in Vancouver since Shepard had died – disappeared. He received the response from Anderson almost instantly. He had been waiting his arrival, and Kaidan picked up the pace as he made his way to Anderson's office. Anderson's message indicated he had just returned from a trip to Omega, and he wanted Kaidan to meet the Lieutenant he was putting in charge of Shepard's security. Kaidan was already unimpressed due to the way Anderson had to track the young man down, but Anderson insisted the pairing would be good for both Shepard and the Lieutenant.

He greeted the secretary and she opened the door for him. Anderson looked up to him and nodded his greeting while the burly, deeply tanned marine stood and saluted. Kaidan looked up into the young man's face. He had an impressive set of scars, and dark haunted eyes. Kaidan let his eyes move over the marine, clearly appraising him. He had probably close to fifty pounds on Kaidan, and a few inches. He was thick, and Kaidan thought maybe his too snug shirt didn't actually meet Alliance regulations. He returned the salute, and Anderson spoke, "Lieutenant James Vega, Major Kaidan Alenko," He introduced them as they shook hands.

"Honor to meet you, Sir," Vega offered in his deep baritone and Kaidan nodded turning his attention to Anderson. He didn't miss the flash of frustration on Vega's face as Kaidan dismissed him briskly. Frankly, he didn't really care if Vega was disappointed in Kaidan's reception. He had more pressing matters to attend to than a Lieutenant's pride.

"You're dismissed, Vega. Report back here at noon for your assignment," Anderson ordered and Vega turned, saluted, and left the room. Kaidan watched him go before sitting across from the Admiral. "Well?" As Kaidan looked over Anderson, he couldn't help but notice the Admiral seemed more relaxed than he had been in a long time. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. There was a brightness in his eyes, and the usual tension was missing from his face. He looked happy. He had seen Shepard. Kaidan sighed.

"He's an ox, but is there anything between his ears?" Kaidan asked. Shepard and he had worked with their fair share of jarheads. If Vega was going to be working closely with Shepard he would have to be more than that, or she would never trust him and he would be ineffective. Kaidan could just imagine Shepard mopping the floor with a guy like that. He knew Anderson, though, and Anderson knew Shepard. Maybe even better than he did. He wouldn't pick the wrong guy for the job.

Anderson just smiled knowingly, "Most definitely. He's had it rough the last few months. I know working with Shepard will be good for James. Honestly, I'm hoping Shepard will get something out of it as well." Anderson knew he needed to have a hand in choosing her security. There were too many, in the Alliance and with the Council, who were angry with her. It was important she stayed safe. Anderson had gone to Omega to collect Vega who had gone off the grid after a failed mission.

"How is she?" Kaidan asked softly. Anderson had never questioned Kaidan's relationship with Shepard, but there was no doubt in Kaidan's mind as Anderson looked through him. He knew it was more than professional. Whether it was from something Shepard had confirmed, or Anderson's ability to read people Kaidan would never know.

Anderson tilted his head at him for a moment before speaking, "She's jaded and anxious. I'm almost glad she's being forced to take a break," Concern flashed over Anderson's face and Kaidan felt it bloom in his chest. What wasn't he saying? "That's why I think James will be a good fit. I think he might be able to wake up the leader in her. He will keep her active… give her something to do," Anderson spoke, and at Anderson's word choice Kaidan's eyebrows rose. The Admiral chuckled, "Right now, Vega's like a wild stallion. He's full of piss and vinegar. He's disappointed in himself, and angry with the Alliance. I think having Shepard and Vega in the same place for an extended period of time will do wonders for both of them."

"Alright," Kaidan acquiesced. He had to trust Anderson's judgment. If he was being truthful, he was just angry someone else was going to see her before he would. "I read over all the reports you sent me. What is this favor she was doing for Hackett?" He asked, and Anderson's eyes dropped to his desk. "Did it have something to do with what happened to the Bahak System?"

Anderson sighed, "Admiral Hackett asked Shepard to infiltrate a Batarian outpost and rescue Dr. Amanda Kenson. Kenson was a deep-cover operative and scientist who claimed to have proof of an imminent Reaper invasion. She was a friend of Hackett's," He paused and Kaidan shifted in his seat. He hadn't missed the past tense. "Shepard went in alone, as Hackett asked, and rescued her from the Batarians. Then after returning her to her own facility it became apparent to Shepard that Kenson and her crew were indoctrinated. Kenson held Shepard hostage for three days and Shepard ended up having to fight her way out of the facility. Kenson was killed in the process, and according to Shepard if she hadn't let the asteroid destroy the relay, the Reapers would be here already."

Kaidan let out a low whistle as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, "And in destroying the Relay, she executed over 300,000 Batarians," Kaidan added and Anderson nodded.

"When you consider her history—"

"They're calling for her head," Kaidan finished his thought and Anderson nodded. "So, Vega's not keeping her in but—"

"Keeping them out, exactly," Anderson finished and Kaidan nodded leaning back in his seat. "She'll be comfortable while she's here. She won't be in a cell, but she will be confined to diplomatic quarters until the trial is over. Hopefully, by then, we'll be able to convince more about the Reaper threat and they'll realize how valuable she is."

"Why do I feel like this trial is going to take forever?" Kaidan asked scrubbing his hands over his face. Anderson let out an ironic chuckle.

"The longer it takes, the longer we know she's safe," Anderson added and Kaidan snorted, causing the Admiral to laugh. Kaidan let the silence fill the room for a long moment. He cleared his throat before asking if he could see her. Anderson's gaze softened, and he let out a deep breath. It seemed as if he had been dreading this question. "Kaidan," Anderson started and Kaidan nearly winced at the patronizing tone in his voice. "You know it's not a good idea. Your testimony is important to our cause. Over the last three years, you've made quite the name for yourself and your testimony will carry a lot of weight. We need all the help we can get," Kaidan couldn't help the skepticism that played over his features, and he didn't miss the annoyance that flashed over Anderson's. "There can't be any implication of coercion…" The Admiral paused, and his eyes narrowed as he continued, "or impropriety."

Kaidan's eyes dropped from Anderson's and he felt the tension in his neck as he fought the irrational embarrassment at being called out, even if it was veiled. He sighed quietly and let the silence choke him for another moment before looking up, "Alright," he answered simply and Anderson glared for another second before nodding. "Is there anything else you need from me?" Kaidan asked, letting the topic drop.

"Just make them see," Anderson answered moving closer to his desk as he lifted a data pad. Kaidan snorted but stood and waited for Anderson's official dismissal before he left the room. He could feel the anger rumbling in his core. His frustration was evident in his clenched fists as he made his way through the city to the hotel where he would be staying. Shepard and he had always kept up appearances. There was no reason for Anderson to think him visiting Shepard would set off any alarms. He had been a member of her crew and part of her ground team. He was fairly certain if Garrus wanted to visit he would be allowed. Though, he second guessed himself on that one. It was quite possible Garrus would be considered an accomplice in more than half of Shepard's supposed crimes.

He reached the hotel and checked in obtaining the code for his room. He shifted, adjusting his bag on his shoulder with a sigh. He was exhausted and looking forward to a hot shower and a long nap. He made his way through the elevator bay, and pushed the call button. It wasn't until the doors opened in front of him and he stepped inside to push the button for his floor that it hit him.

This was where he had stayed with Shepard.

He shook his head as waves of memories washed over him, knocking the breath from his lungs. He trudged to his room, dropped his bag to the floor and went directly to the bathroom for his shower. He tried not to think about her. He tried not to remember the way she smelled. He tried to force her smile from his mind. He pretended he couldn't hear her voice whispering in his ear. He groaned and stopped trying. He leaned forward resting his forehead on the wall. The cool tile a harsh contrast to the scalding water. For the first time since her funeral, he let himself remember her without telling himself he couldn't have her again. He let himself believe she was back. He let himself hope that she could forgive him. As the hope bloomed in his chest, the pain he had spent years burying burst forward.

It wasn't until Kaidan started to shiver that he realized how long he'd been standing in the shower. He washed roughly and quickly. He turned the water off and stepped out, wrapping a large towel around his waist and drying off quickly. He felt heavy as he reached his bed. He climbed in and pulled the covers over his still naked and slightly trembling body, burrowing into the bed with a deep sigh. He fell asleep quickly but he slept fitfully. His dreams filled with distant, vague memories of last time he'd stayed in this hotel.