Author's Note: Phew. It has been a crazy couple of weeks. I want to thank those who wished me well during our snowstorm, and subsequent flooding. Luckily, the flooding wasn't as bad as they expected. The boats they brought in were not needed. I would also like to thank those who commented on the last chapter: riehull, Jules Hawk, Vorcha Girl, Kirsah, Kateriel79, Elissa Theirin, spacecats, and kellytastic. I cannot tell you how much I love reading what you think, they make my day every time. With that being said ... Enjoy! - TLC

Chapter Forty-Nine

Kaidan grunted with each push-up as he neared the end of his set. He concentrated on the pleasant burn in the muscles of his arms and chest as he lifted himself. A thin layer of sweat had broken out on his skin as he worked and he focused on the pure physicality of it. He'd been pushing himself harder than his doctors wanted, but he was sick of waiting. He grew stronger with each day, and he found that since speaking with Shepard, seeing Thane in the therapy room was not quite the distraction it had once been.

He finished the set and stood, stretching his arms above him and shaking out the muscles before he took a long pull from his water. He draped his towel around his neck and went quickly to his room. He hadn't heard from Shepard since her visit, not directly anyway, but he was able to follow her through Diana Allers and the Alliance News Network show broadcasted from the ship. The show never told exactly where they were, not until they were leaving and on their way to their next stop, but Kaidan's dad had taught him to hear what wasn't being said.

They had met with the diplomats at Sur-kesh, and in order to get the Krogan to join the Alliance in the fight against the Reapers, Wrex, who had risen as a leader within the Krogan population, had insisted Shepard cure the Genophage. Apparently, there had been some research done over the last year that Shepard had access to which would allow them to create a cure. She had been on Tuchanka – the Krogan homeworld – for at least a week now.

He made it to his room just in time to catch today's episode of Battlespace with Diana Allers. She began each broadcast going over the casualty reports from Earth and other areas of space, and Kaidan's heart sunk as the number grew exponentially every day. He sighed and went to shower quickly. He made it back to his bed just in time for the quick stock footage of the Normandy that Diana used every day as she spoke about the Alliance's efforts. They weren't all shots of Shepard, but Kaidan watched for brief glimpses of her: at the galaxy map in the CIC, standing behind Joker in the cockpit - arms crossed, or in the cargo bay as she geared up. It helped him feel like he was there, even though he wasn't.

His door sighed open and Dr. O'Connor walked in with his eyes glued to his omni-tool. Kaidan chuckled softly and turned to hang his legs off the side of the bed as he silenced the vid screen. "How are you feeling, Major?" He asked, quietly. His voice gentle, but confident.

"I feel great, Doctor," Kaidan insisted, and the doctor's green eyes looked up at him over the top of his omni-tool's screen. The doubt clear in his raised eyebrow. He was tall, thin, and balding on top but he was one of the most competent L2 Specialists Kaidan had worked with, and he trusted him, which said a lot. Dr. O'Connor said nothing, just ran a quick scan over Kaidan's form. Kaidan was anxious for the day he would get the all clear, it just seemed like it was taking longer than he wanted it to.

"Well, I'm inclined to say you're doing great, but I'm still a bit concerned about some of the swelling around your implant," The Doctor looked back to Kaidan, who chewed the inside of his cheek. "The nurses tell me you're spending a lot of time in the therapy room," His tone was only slightly accusatory and Kaidan sighed.

"Yes, but I'm not working my biotics the whole time I'm in there. I'm doing physical training as well," Kaidan explained. It was true, he did do the physical work, too, but he was definitely working his biotics more than he should be. As evidenced by the bloody rag in the bathroom trash.

"Kaidan, look, I know you're anxious to get back out there. I want you out there. Your abilities are valuable, and I know you're not doing any good stuck here. My goal is to get you out of here as soon and as safely as possible. You'll work with me to do that, right?" Dr. O'Connor asked, and Kaidan felt thoroughly chastised. He nodded, knowing he was lying, and the Doctor sighed before he finished checking him. He knew Kaidan was lying, too. "Alright, I'll be in tomorrow to check on you again," Dr. O'Connor announced as he stood. Kaidan thanked him as he left. His eyes moved back to the vid screen just in time to see Shepard's face fade from view.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to his room opened again. He looked up expecting to see the nurse, and felt his jaw go slack at the woman entering his room. She was tall, thin and her midnight black hair was long enough to rest on her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkled like diamonds and were framed by long dark lashes. Her full lips were the perfect shade of candy apple red. He kept his eyes on her as she continued to walk towards him and she removed the coat she wore. He couldn't stop his eyes from traveling over her form; her curves had made up all of his pubescent dreams. She was gorgeous, absolutely perfect. Everything any man would want.

As his eyes moved over her, he couldn't help but think she was a bit too tall. Her eyes were the wrong shade of blue, and were too closed off; he preferred bright, emotional eyes. Her make up too heavy; he preferred a more natural look. Her smile was beautiful, and stretched over perfect white teeth, but he thought it was a bit too perfect, too confident. She was attractive, genetically perfect really, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He moved his eyes back to hers and when he realized he recognized her from somewhere he felt the burn of anxiety in his chest. This was not a woman who should be trusted.

"Major Alenko," She greeted, her Australian accented voice was soft, as she reached his bedside. He raised an eyebrow at her as he watched her sit. He shifted to sit up further in his bed as he looked at her. He suddenly wished he had a pistol nearby.

"Ma'am," He responded, waiting for her to introduce herself as confirmation.

She offered him a saccharine sweet smile, "Miranda Lawson," She introduced herself, "I've heard a lot about you." She commented as she held her hand out. He accepted the handshake with a nod. He knew this woman was on the run from multiple organizations. The Alliance had been looking for her for some time, considering her work with Cerberus. Kaidan was also aware that she had left Cerberus, which meant they would be looking for her, too.

Kaidan also knew she was the reason Shepard was alive today.

"Well, don't believe everything you hear," Kaidan offered and Miranda's laugh was breathy and sarcastic as her eyes moved over the room, taking in the angles and the windows. "Can I help you with something?" He asked her, and she sighed quietly.

"No," Her answer was simple and short. Kaidan had the thought that the last thing she wanted to do was be here. She let a breath out through her nose, and spoke again. "But I think I can help you," She offered as she opened her omni-tool and pulled out a small chip. She held it in her fingers for a long moment. Her eyes moving back and forth, from the OSD to Kaidan, before extending her hand to him with the chip pinched between two fingers. He looked at the chip, and then back at her without responding. Her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed.

"What makes you think I want, or need, help from you?" Kaidan asked, and he couldn't help the offensive tone in his voice. He knew it was rude, but what could she possibly do for him?

She shifted in her chair, making herself more comfortable, pulling her hand back and resting it in her lap. "Well, maybe it's not really me doing anything for you," She corrected and his brow creased with suspicion. "Maybe it's something I want to do for a … mutual friend of ours," She explained, her tone sharp and her words clipped. His eyes narrowed at her. He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on her.

"You don't seem like one inclined to do favors," He replied and she snorted a laugh.

"I'm not," She added, raising a sculpted eyebrow at him. "The last thing I want to do is share this information with the man who betrayed a friend of mine, yet, here I am," She snapped, her annoyance flashing behind her eyes and Kaidan felt the embarrassment burn his ears.

"So," He started, his eyes not moving from hers as she switched positions again. "Why are you?"

She stared at him, her eyes hardened with frustration and anger. She sighed, resigned and crossed her arms over her chest. "We all knew what we signed up for. We all knew there was a good chance we weren't coming back from the Omega 4 relay. Shepard, she… she took the time to make sure all of our loose ends were tied," She paused, and Kaidan shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "You're her loose end. Who knows what this war will bring, but it has come to my attention that you having the information on this OSD may make what's left of this life easier for her," She ended abruptly, then stopped and glared at him for a long moment before standing. "Look, it's really Shepard," She said, and bit back a smirk when the color drained from Kaidan's face. His reaction gave her the upper hand, and she shifted her weight to the other foot. She set the OSD on the table next to his bed. "The proof is on the disc. I couldn't care less whether or not you look at the records. I only ask, for Shepard's sake, if you're not going to keep the disc, you destroy it. No one should have access to that information," She added as she slid her coat on over her shoulders. "Not even you," She snapped before turning on her heel.

She left and Kaidan's eyes fell on the small drive on the table by his bed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see what was on the disc. Miranda had told him she was real. The woman credited for saving her life promised him it was really her. He lay back in the bed and looked to the ceiling. He could feel the uncertainty in his core, rolling like nausea, but he thought maybe it was simply anxiety. He knew he wanted the confirmation. He knew he wanted to believe that she had been brought back to him. He sighed and sat up taking the disc off the table and opening his omni-tool.

He inserted the disc and the program scanned the OSD for the information before opening the files. There were pictures, and Kaidan felt the bile in the back of this throat at the burned and broken body before him. He was supposed to believe that was her? It was nothing but charred meat and bone. He flipped passed the pictures to the first report. It detailed what had been brought in.

The Subject is missing the left leg, and the fingers on each hand. They will be created with cybernetics and robotics.

Most of the remaining bone has been burned, chipped, frozen, or broken. Bone weave will be implemented to make all structural repairs.

Most muscle is charred, will work on regrowing muscles in the lab from remaining tissue. Will have to work with a VI program and additional cybernetics and muscle weaving to ensure muscles will attach to bone.

Minimal organ tissue recoverable; will begin work in lab to grow lungs, liver, kidneys, and stomach. When questioned by the Illusive Man on brain and heart repair, advised will research alternatives to lab growth. Luckily, the Subject's helmet kept the brain in tact.

Will begin work on VI program attached to cybernetics for sensory application, and nervous system coordination.

This is required to begin. No clear end point on project. Small chance of success. Illusive Man feels Subject is necessary. Will proceed.

Kaidan swallowed hard. He rubbed his free hand on his leg. His first impression was that she was just a high tech VI, but Miranda had promised him she was real. Even though he didn't want to, he kept reading. The next few pages were pictures: The leg Cerberus built for her and the organs growing in the lab. Followed by the specs for the VI program Miranda had built.

Subject ready for VI and cybernetic installation. Leg and fingers attached. VI installed at the base of the brain. Near the Biotic Implant site. Cybernetics threaded throughout brain matter as well as down the spinal cord. VI programmed for sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch. VI will recognize pain, danger. Unable to program more human emotions.

Program created for VI in an attempt to stimulate regeneration of brain and heart tissue using electroshock therapy. Something of this magnitude has never been attempted, and chances of success are minimal.

Still waiting for organ growth, should be complete within next two months.

The Illusive Man obtained a L5N biotic implant; switched Subject's L3 for the L5N. Unsure how biotics will react once Subject awakens.

The next few pages were images of the organs in the lab. They were taking shape and were more recognizable. She had to be more than a VI. She had human emotions. He saw them. He felt the headache starting at the base of his skull as he eagerly flipped to the next page.

It has been eight months since I started the Lazarus project. The lab grown organs were implanted today. When studying the VI and cybernetics, noticed the gray matter of the brain had started to pink, as had the heart tissue. Positive signs that the VI and additional tech installed may have worked to stimulate the organs to self-heal. Will continue to monitor.

Next step will include bone and muscle weave; as well as skin growth.

Kaidan didn't even stop to look at the pictures.

It has been a full year since the Lazarus project began. Subject's brain and heart have regenerated and have limited functionality. Hopeful, but still doubtful about further viability. Lab grown organs have taken to the body and the cybernetics running along the spine react appropriately to stimuli.

Eyes are intact, though sensory reception is controlled by the VI. Pupils are equal and reactive. Chances of success increase each day; now placed at 50/50.

Next step, continue bone and muscle weaving as well as skin growth. Blood will be synthesized in the lab from Subject's own donor supply.

His heart was trying to jump out of his chest. Could it be possible? He skipped a few pages of pictures. It turned his stomach to see her like that, being put back together piece by piece; layer by layer. Miranda was right. No one should have access to this information.

Skin growth complete, durable and flawless. Attempted to match previous tone based on images; Unsure if skin will color with sun exposure. Subject's brain activity is slowly steadying. Picking up activity outside the VI's parameters.

Noted: Secondary organs: spleen, appendix, hormonal glands, reproductive system, etc., are also showing signs of repair and regeneration.

Overall chance of success 60/40.

Next step, fastening skin and adding weave to ensure attachment. Blood will be filtered in once skin attached. Hair growth begun in lab.

He skipped to the next report, barely able to register the images before him.

It has been eighteen months since Lazarus began. Subject is physically assembled. Pupils are equal and reactive. Cybernetics in nervous system respond appropriately to stimuli. Hair was attached over the last week, strand by stand, to brow and head. Color a match. Not sure if hair growth will occur naturally.

Advised Illusive Man chances of success are 80/20. Brain activity is more than expected. I admit I was tempted to turn off the VI and see what would happen with the other systems, but I refrained. Will attempt at a later date. Unsure of damage turning off the VI would inflict on overall recovery.

I am hopeful for a full recovery. This would be a huge success for science and Cerberus. We will have cheated death.

Kaidan nearly growled at the mention of Cerberus. He had been able to ignore the fact that this was Cerberus the whole time he read. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face before continuing. She had been down for two years. He was nearing the end of the project. She would be up soon.

I am not even sure how to describe today's events. Wilson and I were in the lab working on Shepard's skin weave, adding layers to ensure resilience, when she started reacting to painful stimuli. She was fighting the anesthetic.

Her heart rate jumped up to dangerous levels and she fought against us as we tried to keep her calm. Wilson was forced to give her further sedation. I fear we underestimated her biotic metabolism burning off the meds at a faster pace. Her brain activity reached levels I have never seen.

At one point her eyes opened and met mine. She startled me when she gripped my hand. I can't even imagine how terrified she must have been. She seemed to relax when I spoke to her. It was like she understood me, she responded to me – nonverbally, of course. Once she was fully sedated, again, I turned off the VI.

Her heart continued to beat.

Her brain activity continued independent of the VI.

Considered removing VI and cybernetics, but there has been growth around the implants. Removing them could cause damage. Risk not acceptable.

Lazarus Project chances of success 95%.

Next step, waiting for the scars to heal. I should be able to wake her permanently in about four months. I admit I am not sure what the Commander will remember when she awakens. I am concerned about her mental stability. Recommended implanting a control chip to the Illusive Man. He declined my suggestion. He wants the Commander just as she was before she died. I can only hope this project was successful enough to bring her back to that extent. Time will tell.

There were no more reports, just one picture. It was Shepard - his Shepard - in a gown, on a slab, in a Cerberus lab. He swallowed hard, and stared at the picture. Her bright blue eyes were hidden by her lids as she slept. Her full mouth was closed, and turned down at the corners in a grimace. She looked like she was having a nightmare.

He closed down the program, and his omni-tool. It was then he realized there were tears streaming down his face. It was amazing. She had been dead, not in a coma, not on life support; clinically dead. Cerberus brought her back, and he pushed her away. He needed to fix it, but he didn't know how. He scrubbed his hands over his face and from the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of a Special Report from the ANN. He turned the volume up, "This is Diana Allers reporting from the Normandy. You're hearing this first, from the Battlespace. Sloan Shepard, Council Spectre, and Systems Alliance Commander, can now officially announce that she, together with Urdnot Wrex, leader of his Clan on Tuchanka, as well as Turian and Salarian Officials, has cured the Genophage," She announced and Kaidan could only hope that meant she would be heading this way soon.

It was later the next day when there was a soft knock on his door. He moved his eyes from his omni-tool just as a nurse brought in a box for him. "Good afternoon, Sandra," Kaidan greeted her, and she offered him a smile.

"Hello, Major, how are you feeling today?" She was an older woman, and reminded him a lot of his mother. He felt a pang of fear in his chest as he thought of his mom. He worried. He wished he had heard from them. He hoped they had made it to the Orchard. He forced a smile and promised he felt well. "This came for you," She said as she handed him the box. "Can I get you anything else?" He said no, and thanked her. He waited until she left the room before he turned his eyes back to the package.

There was no return address, or markings, to show where it had come from. He unwrapped the box, and there was a note attached. He felt his heart thundering against his chest as he fumbled with the paper. He read it once. Twice. Three times, before turning his eyes back to the box it accompanied.

Kaidan –

You should really be working out with equipment that is worthy of you.

Just, don't tell anyone where you got it.

- Shep

His curiosity was officially piqued. When he opened the box, he couldn't believe what she had sent him: An amp from the HMBA Master line. He knew damn well this amp was only available to Spectres. It was hard to find information on the amp, let alone see one in person. As far as he knew, they were only available through Spectre Requisitions. He felt himself grinning as he imagined her ordering one for him. He lifted it from the box, it was sleek, silver, and had a comfortable weight to it.

Like a child on Christmas morning, he could not wait to work with it. It was as if the conversation he'd had the previous day with his Doctor had never happened. He didn't even want to think about what it had cost her. He lifted the note again and wished she had said more. Then he looked at the amp, and realized she had said plenty. She believed he would get better. She believed he was worthy of Spectre equipment. She believed he was Spectre material. He couldn't stop smiling. He gently placed the amp back into the box and opened his omni-tool.

He sent a quick message to Udina, letting him know he was accepting the Spectre offer. As soon as he sent it, he knew he could expect a visit from the man that day, but nothing would diminish his good mood. He also sent a message to Shepard, telling her he really wanted to see her the next time she was on the Citadel. When he went to insert the information chip into his omni-tool, he found he had never removed the OSD Miranda had brought him the day before. He sighed as he placed it in the box with his amp. He was grateful she had stopped in and brought him the information.

He spent the rest of the afternoon reading over the specs of his new amp. He couldn't wait for the next day when he would be able to get back into the therapy room and work out with it. Shepard defeated Saren, and Sovereign. She defeated the Collectors. She cured the Genophage. She came back from the dead. She really could do the impossible. If she could do all that, he could certainly be ready to join her whenever she made it back to the Citadel.