Author's Note: Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter, Vorcha Girl, Bint-Lilith, gogogeisha, Kateriel79, ela11, Jules Hawk, Kirsah, Zacharti, Stryper, and the guest. I adore your comments and am so glad you're sticking with me even though the chapters have slowed down.

Thank you, and welcome, to those who favorited and/or followed the story since the last chapter. Enjoy ... - TLC

Chapter Fifty-Five

It was hard for Kaidan to believe that this day was not over. He had spent the better part of the evening in the cargo bay ensuring he had sufficient gear for the mission on Eden Prime, and enjoying the friendly camaraderie between Vega and the shuttle pilot and requisition officer Steve Cortez. It was clear Vega and Cortez had served together before, or simply for a while. Their friendly banter made Kaidan chuckle more than once as he worked with Cortez to order his armor.

Vega helped him gather equipment to use for the time being, and filled him in on the details of their mission on Tuchanka. Yes, Shepard cured the Genophage. She also took out a Reaper by throwing a Thresher Maw at it. Kaidan set the chest plate down on the counter in front of him and looked up at Vega with his eyebrows raised. "She threw a thresher maw at it?" Kaidan asked, disbelief heavy in his tone.

Vega chuckled, a low rumble on his exhale, "The mother of all Thresher Maws."

Cortez shook his head, his voice of reason bouncing off the walls of the large open cargo bay, "She didn't throw Kalros at it; she called it with the maw hammers," Cortez said, and Kaidan turned and looked at Cortez who held a straight face for just a moment before laughing with a half hearted shrug. "You should ask the Commander about it. I'm sure it was a lot different from her point of view," Cortez added as he turned his attention back to his console.

"Wait, Kalros?" Kaidan asked as his eyes moved back and forth between Vega and Cortez.

"Si, Kalros: The mother of all Thresher Maws," Vega answered with a nod, and a smirk. "It was loco. I still can't get over how she dodged the Reaper's beam. It was like she was flying across the field." Kaidan let out a chuckle. You hear about Commander Shepard and her skills all the time. It's completely different seeing her in action. That was Shepard. Kaidan allowed himself to enjoy the back and forth for a few moments more before excusing himself. It was refreshing to see life was continuing on the ship, outside the war.

Kaidan stepped off the elevator and onto the nearly empty CIC. It was early in the night cycle, but still, it was night so the ship was running on a skeleton crew. He knew who he'd find in the cockpit, though, and his feet were headed that way before he really decided to do so. He hadn't seen much of the pilot since the SR-1 went down. Immediately after, Kaidan had been too busy grieving to care to keep in touch. After that, Kaidan was too busy and Joker had been grounded by the Alliance. Then, he'd fallen off the radar; Kaidan knew now he had been with Cerberus. After Cerberus, Joker had been under nearly as strict a house arrest as Shepard.

Kaidan stood behind Joker, and took in the familiar view. He had the sense the pilot knew he was there, but Joker said nothing. His hands moved over the console as confident as ever. Slowly, Kaidan moved to the empty co-pilot seat. He had learned that EDI had taken up this position, but the seat was vacant at the moment. Kaidan stepped up next to Joker, "Hey, Kaidan! You're back!" He exclaimed with mock excitement. Kaidan gestured to the empty seat, and Joker shrugged. Joker didn't bother to look Kaidan's way and he had the feeling maybe Joker shared some of Garrus's anger. "And you remembered the number one rule about serving on the Normandy!"

"What's that?" Kaidan asked as he slid into the seat and logged on to the console.

"Don't shoot the Commander," Joker deadpanned, and Kaidan turned his eyes to the sarcastic pilot. He wasn't sure if he was seriously giving him grief but there was something about the firm set of his jaw and the tension in his fingers that told Kaidan he was.

"Never once did I aim at her," Kaidan defended himself, and he heard Joker sigh.

"I know," Joker answered, his soft hazel eyes finally landing on Kaidan. "It's been rough out here. I want to be angry, but I can't. We need all the friendly faces we can get."

"I'm glad to be here. Sitting in that hospital was torture," Kaidan sighed as he watched the coding run in front of him. It was familiar, and comfortable. Joker let the silence stretch for a while. It was odd, if Kaidan didn't know any better, it could be like the last three years had never happened. It was as if he were simply a lieutenant and they were hunting geth. It was easy to fall into those roles, if only for a moment.

Joker broke the silence after a time, his voice was soft and quiet, "She doesn't laugh anymore."

Kaidan was startled when he spoke, he turned his eyes to Joker but Joker kept his eyes forward, "What?" Kaidan's voice cracked lightly on the syllable.

"Shepard," Joker said by way of an explanation, and Kaidan continued to stare at him. It was clear Joker thought he had revealed the mystery of the ages, but Kaidan was still a bit confused as to what Joker meant. The pilot let out an exaggerated sigh and spun his chair to face the Major. "That laugh," He added. "When she throws her head back and laughs from deep inside," Joker explained. "I can barely remember what it sounds like." It was concern in Joker's voice, and Kaidan realized then just how much Shepard meant to the crass pilot. He shouldn't have been surprised; they had truly been through everything together.

It wasn't a romantic love, but it was more than professional respect. They were family, and Joker was worried about her. Kaidan didn't know what to say. "Look, Kaidan, I'm glad you're back. Like I said, we need all the friendly faces we can get," Joker repeated, and Kaidan had a feeling he wasn't finished. "Horizon can't happen again."

"I know," Kaidan responded, and Joker held his eyes for a long time. Kaidan didn't waver.

"Good," Joker said with a nod; Kaidan turned back to the console. His mind spinning slightly. He had always known Shepard induced a fierce loyalty among her crew, but this was a whole new level. He checked the time, and figured now would be a good time to get some sleep. He stood, and felt Joker's eyes on him. "Later, Major," Joker responded, as if the past conversation had not happened.

Kaidan wished him a good evening before leaving the cockpit. It had been a hell of a day, and Kaidan felt himself yawning as the elevator door opened. "Evening, Major," He heard the soft greeting, and his body reacted before his sleep deprived mind could catch up. His heart sped and his hands clenched. His eyes lifted and met Shepard's, and his lips pulled into a gentle smile.

"Commander," He replied as he stepped onto the elevator and turned to face the door, standing close to her. Their shoulders nearly touching. He could feel the energy thrumming through her, even without touching her. He felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck as he reacted to her. He had forgotten how pleasant that sensation was. He glanced down at her, and found her cheeks had colored a pretty shade of pink, and she worried her lip. He chewed the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling. It was nice to know she was affected, too.

She was dressed in gray sweatpants and her N7 hoodie. Memories rushed back to him as the scent of plum blossoms filled the small area. Her hair was down, damp, and braided over one shoulder. She had showered recently. He looked down at his own clothes. He was still dressed in his BDUs and probably smelled a bit ripe. He suddenly wished he had taken the time to shower at some point since returning to the Normandy. There was nothing to be done about it now, and she didn't seem to mind it.

The door opened on the Crew Deck and the tension eased as a rush of cooler air hit them. He cleared his throat lightly, and gestured for her to step off before him. She nodded at him, "Are you turning in for the night?" She asked softly, turning and looking up at him as he followed her.

"I was going to," He admitted, and she nodded looking down. "Unless you needed something from me," He offered, the innuendo not so subtle, and her cool, cerulean eyes met his. He was startled at the way her eyes reflected the ship's lighting. It was new and familiar all at the same time.

"Some company would be nice," She said as she lifted her hand. She was holding a box of tea. "I'm willing to share," She added, and he nodded. She awarded him with a small smile and turned on her heel. He couldn't help but notice that her smile didn't brighten her eyes the way it used to, and he wondered if that was part of Joker's concern.

A woman deserved to laugh.

He followed her to the mess, and they moved around the small area with an easy grace. It was a dance they had perfected in another life, but one whose steps neither could forget. They gathered their supplies: mugs, spoons, and Shepard's personal stash of sugar. She smiled up at him, almost shyly, as she revealed her hiding place. They didn't need to speak as they handed each other the items they each needed. Their fingers would brush against each other, and possibly linger more than necessary, but neither would comment. When the tea was ready, he followed her to the table, and pulled a chair out for her. She smirked up at him and he sat in the seat next to her.

As she lifted the mug to her lips and drank, his eyes took her in. As much as he knew it was her, it was still hard for him to believe. He had tried to move on, to forget, but he hadn't really been able to. As he was going through it, he had wished everyday for the ache to ease, for the memories to fade; it was torture every day that it didn't. Now he was grateful that it hadn't. "How is Anderson?" He asked after a moment, lifting his own mug and sipping the familiar beverage.

She sighed, and he watched the shadows dance in her eyes, "Alive." It was one word, but it said so much. It said fighting, strong, surviving. The look in her eyes as she spoke said terrified, exhausted, alone. It spoke of a dying planet and a species being exterminated. It spoke of watching friends die. Kaidan ached to reach out and take her hand, but he refrained. He wasn't exactly sure where their borders were, the lines that could be crossed. He simply nodded, there was nothing he could say, not really. "Your parents?" She asked quietly, and he shook his head. She reached out then, and took his hand; clearly, she was less concerned with boundaries.

Her hand was warm as her fingers wrapped around his palm. Kaidan could feel the scrape of the broken skin of her palms against his knuckles. The delicate Cerberus crafted skin didn't have callouses that had built up from years of abuse. He kept his eyes on hers and took her hand off his, turning it over. He inspected the tears in the skin. He watched her eyes as he reached into a pocket of his BDUs and pulled out a packet of medi-gel. She started to speak, and pull her hand away and he held it tighter. He tore it open with his teeth, spitting out the small piece of foil before speaking, "I know you're letting the skin get used to it again, but there's absolutely no reason for you to have open wounds," He scolded her lightly. As he squeezed a small amount onto her palm. "This is just enough to heal the tears without hindering the callouses," He explained as he set the pack down, and took her hand in both of his. Using his thumbs, he slowly rubbed the healing gel into her hand.

He looked up and found her watching him. Her cheeks pink, and heat dancing in her eyes as she chewed her lip. It was all so familiar. They had been here before, done this before, and he loved that she was letting him take care of her. Once the gel had been worked into her skin, he released her hand and she balled her fist and placed her hand in her lap. "How is the other one?" He held out his hand, and gestured towards the hand wrapped around her mug.

"Not as bad," She answered quietly, her voice rough, as she looked to her own palm, and winced. He left his hand on the table and waited. She let a breath escape through her nose as she laid her hand down, palm up, in his. He raised an eyebrow at her. It was no better than her opposite hand, and he couldn't help the smirk that pulled at the corner of his mouth. She was so stubborn. He repeated the process, working the cooling, tingling gel into her skin. He tried to ignore the increase in her pulse. He could feel it strong in her wrist as he held her hand.

When he finished, she offered him a smile as she pulled her hand back and lifted her tea. Kaidan folded over the open corner of the packet before tucking it back into his pocket and sipping his own beverage. He caught her eyes again over the rim of his mug.

The air around them changed; thickened, warmed. He could feel his heart pounding in his temples and hear it rushing in his ears. He surrendered.

"Shepard, after Mars, while I was recovering at Huerta, I thought a lot about my life and the regrets I have and would have if I didn't recover," He started, and noticed her tense as she sat straighter and took her mug in both hands. "I've had a good life, which is crazy considering how it started. I don't have many regrets but," He paused and she looked up at him, her nerves were clear in the tension around her eyes. "I found myself thinking a lot about you," He admitted, "about us."

"Us," She repeated the word in a whisper and dropped her eyes to her mug.

Kaidan started to explain, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, "Yeah, I-"

Neither heard the door to the med-bay open, so they both jumped like busted teenagers when Dr. Chakwas called out across the mess, "Major Alenko!" The scold in her voice was plain, and Kaidan cringed as he pulled his eyes from Shepard and turned towards the doctor. His embarrassment and frustration at being interrupted creeping up hotly from his collar. "I am fully aware Dr. O'Connor returned you to active duty on the condition you reported to me as soon as we left the Citadel," Her voice carried, and echoed offensively off the walls.

Kaidan sighed and turned to look at Shepard, who seemed just as disappointed as he felt. She nodded towards the med-bay, the unspoken order clear in her eyes. Kaidan let an angry sigh escape him as he stood, and turned towards the Doctor, who waited in the doorway for Kaidan to pass. She followed him in, her eyes on her 'tool. Kaidan turned and looked over his shoulder at Shepard, her eyes were down on her mug. He thought he saw her sigh before the doors closed, and he turned his attention to the Doctor. Better to get this over with so he could get back to his conversation, though, he feared the moment was ruined.

Kaidan went to the nearest cot and sat. He watched as Chakwas came over to him. He noticed there was more grey in her hair, and creases around her eyes. When her almost feline gaze met his, he was momentarily surprised by the exhaustion he saw there and he wondered if it would be beneficial to get her some help for the bay, a nurse or two maybe; someone to take some of the load off her shoulders.

His thoughts were distracted when she instructed him to sit up straighter and ran her scan over him. He watched her eyes as they read over the data. Her brow creased and she looked at him from beneath her lashes. She chewed the inside of her cheek as she closed down her tool and walked around the cot to his back. He felt her warm, clinical touch at his implant site, and sat impeccably still. He heard her sigh stiffly before she withdrew her hands and moved to face him. She opened her 'tool and spoke without looking at him, "Have you had any headaches within the last week?"

"None worth mentioning," He admitted, suddenly afraid of this line of questioning.

"When you have a headache, are you still using the cocktail I started you on?"

"Yes, Ma'am," He answered immediately, and she cocked an eyebrow keeping her eyes down.

"Any nosebleeds?"

Kaidan paused, he didn't want to lie to her, but he knew if he was honest she would take him off active duty. Just this morning, after Udina, after Shepard had left him to go to see Thane at Huerta, Kaidan had to excuse himself to the bathroom to stop the bleeding from that mornings exertions. It hadn't bled long, but it was still something Kaidan wrestled with. There was no way he would stop using his biotics. There was no way he would allow himself to be benched. This was too important. "No, Ma'am," Kaidan lied. He hated to do it, but he couldn't risk being sidelined. Dr. Chakwas looked up and met his eyes when he spoke. He knew full well she didn't believe him. She just nodded.

"Very well," She answered, simply. Her voice clipped. "Be sure you let me know if anything changes. I will continue my dialogue with Dr. O'Connor, who is making sure I stay stocked with the proper medications and herbs," She dictated. Kaidan thanked her, and stood to leave. She stopped him, reaching out and grabbing his arm, "Kaidan," He turned to look at her, "You're no good to anyone on this ship if you fry your brain."

He sighed. She was right. He knew she was right. He just didn't care. He had to make sure Shepard survived. He knew, somewhere deep down, she was the key. "I know," He answered simply, and she nodded at him. Her dismissal clear as she removed her hand and turned her back to him. Kaidan stepped towards the door. When it opened on an empty mess, he felt his heart sink. She had gone to bed.

It was probably for the best. This probably wasn't the best time or place to have the conversation he wanted to have. He just hoped there would be an opportunity after their mission tomorrow.

They didn't have the greatest track record on Eden Prime.