Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. Thank you to those who added this story to their favorite or follow lists. An extra thank you to those who left a review: Vorcha Girl, Jules Hawk, Stryper, ela11, Kateriel79, nirroca, Zacharti, and Kirsah. I am so glad you're still liking my story.

With no further delay... Enjoy. - TLC

Chapter Sixty-One

Kaidan stepped off the elevator in the cargo bay. It still amazed him at times, just how much bigger the SR-2 was compared to the first Normandy. Yet, she was quieter, faster, and moved smoother that her smaller predecessor. He took a few steps towards the requisition locker when he heard voices coming from the corner of the room. He stepped closer to the console, and noticed Cortez leaning over the desk, his head down and his shoulders shaking gently.

Kaidan felt the discomfort deep in his core as he tried not to overhear the message playing. A man's voice, hushed, telling him to let go and move on. Kaidan swallowed hard and looked around for Vega, for someone to take him out of this moment, but there was no reprieve. He took a step backwards, hoping to ease out of it without Cortez knowing he was there, but his step was too loud and Cortez straightened and his hands went to his face after shutting off the recording.

Cortez turned, and Kaidan felt his gut twist with familiarity at the grief on his features. "Major?" He greeted and Kaidan aborted his retreat. He knew there was no escaping this encounter and he swallowed hard.

"I didn't mean to intrude; I was hoping to get my gear," He explained and Cortez nodded and gestured towards a pile of crates. Kaidan fell into step behind him, hating the uncomfortable silence that filled the room.

"No intrusion, Sir. If anything, it's a welcome distraction," Cortez said as they reached the crate and he pulled the top off and started removing Kaidan's armor.

"Please, don't call me, Sir or Major," Kaidan said, and at the mention of the title, his throat constricted with thoughts of his father. Cortez looked at him, question in his eyes, and Kaidan offered him a friendly smile. "Kaidan is fine," He insisted and Cortez nodded, and his shoulders dropped as the formality left the area. "A message from home?" Kaidan asked after a silent moment, and Cortez lifted pained eyes to meet his, and Kaidan instantly regretted asking.

"Not exactly," Cortez answered around a sigh, and Kaidan felt the tension prickling the back of his neck. "It's a recording from Ferris Fields, where I was stationed before. It's from the day the Collectors hit the colony." Kaidan bit back the curse, and remained silent as Cortez spoke. "I lost a lot of friends that day. I lost my husband that day," Cortez voice was thick with emotion, and Kaidan swallowed hard as if he was choking on it. He listened as Cortez spoke. The pilot had been on the outskirts of the colony, so when the Collectors attacked he was out of range. He'd spoken to his husband until the seekers found him and taken him. Kaidan knew the survivor's guilt all too well. "I just, I wish I had been there. Maybe I could have saved him."

"I was there," Kaidan answered, and the confusion was plain in the crease of Cortez's brow. "Well, not there on Ferris Fields, but I was on Horizon when it was attacked. If you had been there, you would have been taken. The seeker swarms were too powerful; they missed no one. The only reason I wasn't taken, the only reason there were any survivors on Horizon, is the fact that Shepard showed up before the Collectors had everyone," Kaidan offered, and hoped he wasn't imagining it when some of the darkness left the pilot's haunted brown eyes. "If you had been there, we'd be short the best shuttle pilot in the Alliance," Kaidan added, and Cortez chuckled.

"Thank you, Maj-Kaidan. That helps, at least a little," Cortez said as he broke down the now empty crate and Kaidan's eyes moved over the armor laid out before him. Brand new armor always looked pretty. It shined beneath the understated lights of the cargo bay, and Kaidan knew if he didn't work the joints it would move stiffly, and could chafe if he didn't take the time to break it in. With a gentle sigh, he pulled a stool up to the table and started working with the armor, to add flexibility to the joints.

It was mundane, menial work and Kaidan was only too glad when EDI's voice rang out over head alerting the crew of Shepard's order to the war room. He felt his lips pull into a smile, and wished Cortez a good afternoon as he moved back to the elevator. Kaidan nodded at Traynor and fell into step with her as they made their way towards the war room. "Anything new, Specialist?" He asked as they passed the War Room guards, Westmoreland and Campbell.

"Actually, I picked up some strange transmissions from Grissom Academy. I'm still trying to sort through the chatter," She offered as they passed the security scanner and entered the conference room. Grissom Academy was opened in 2176; a human school station whose mission is to "serve a student population demonstrating excellence and passion for math, science, and the liberal arts." They may not advertise as such, but its special biotic classes make it more of a replacement, or improvement, for BAaT.

"Check with EDI," Kaidan suggested opening the glass door to the room and allowing Traynor to walk in first. "I'm sure she'd be helpful with the static," He added and Traynor agreed it would be a good next step. Kaidan looked up as he stepped through the door and found Shepard already there, standing at the head of the table. He was surprised by his instant reaction to her; the gentle flutter in his chest and the smile that tugged at his lips. When her eyes met his, he saw the same emotion reflected back. It was like something had been broken, and it had finally been set right. He moved to the head of the table and stood to her right, and slightly behind her.

Her eyes followed him, and as he passed her, her hand reached out and grazed his arm lightly. He heard the annoyed click from the doorway, and his eyes shot to the room's newest occupant. Garrus had entered, his eyes narrow and his mandibles stiff as he moved and leaned against the wall opposite them. Kaidan sighed, and Shepard closed her eyes. Kaidan could tell the Turian's attitude was a sore spot for her. It was in the tightness of her mouth, and the tension in her shoulders when she turned away from him and faced the slowly filling room.

Liara entered the room and when her eyes landed on Kaidan he saw the knowing smile play on her features, and he had to wonder how she did that – how she just knew things. Her smile was warm, though, approving even; and much different than Garrus. Vega followed Javik, who seemed disinterested in the entire routine. Vega crossed his arms over his thick chest, and leaned back near Garrus.

"I can't help but notice we're finally on our way to the Attican Traverse," Wrex grumbled, annoyance thick in his voice as he entered the room last broke the silence as the door closed behind him.

Shepard nodded, "That's right. We're going to look into Wrex's missing team," She explained, and pulled up her omni-tool, sorting through some files. "There have been reports of Rachni activity in the sector as well, so we need to be prepared," She explained, and Kaidan swallowed hard as he thought back to fighting the creatures on Noveria.

"They were on Tuchanka, too," Vega added, his voice was somber, and Kaidan couldn't hide his surprise. Clearly, not everything made it to the news stations.

"The Queen we released on Noveria promised to disappear. I'm concerned that they are involved in the war. I am hoping to secure their support on our side," She said around a sigh. "They could be a power ally. I don't even want to consider the alternative." Kaidan pulled out his omni-tool.

"Vega, temperatures on the planet vary, and there are frequent sandstorms. Get with Liara and make sure our weapons are modded properly," She ordered and Vega nodded, his eyes darting to the Asari. "The ground team will be Garrus, Alenko, and myself; Wrex, I assume you will be coming with us," She asked as she glanced at the Krogan.

"You bet your ass I am," His gravel voice responded. Kaidan was surprised by the way the Krogan had grown, emotionally. When he met Wrex, he was a bounty hunter, out for a kill and a paycheck. Now, he was clearly concerned about his missing men. Kaidan knew the genophage had been cured, and with Wrex's status on Tuchanka, he assumed Wrex would be one of the first to sire a child. In this moment, he had the thought that Wrex would be a good dad. Whatever that would look like for a Krogan.

"Alenko, if you could dig up some information on the Rachni, the different types we've seen, weaknesses, strengths, etc, and get it out to the crew, that would be beneficial," She suggested, and Kaidan forwarded the files to the team.

He shrugged, "I told you, I saved everything." His answer was simple, and Shepard nodded.

"We used the Rachni as weapons in my cycle," Javik spoke, bringing everyone's attention to him. Shepard asked him what he meant, and there was no doubting the annoyance in his voice as he explained himself, "We would turn them loose on planets. Eventually, their numbers outmatched us and they were out of control. We burned two hundred planets to end them," He paused, thoughtful clicks were all that were heard, "We thought they were extinct."

"Yeah, so did we," Liara added, and Javik's eyes moved to her. She flushed a lovely lavender color, and Kaidan bit back a grin.

"Alright, Joker?" Shepard called out, looking to the ceiling where Joker's voice rang out moments later. "What's our ETA?"

"Twenty-two hours," He answered simply, and Shepard nodded.

"You have your orders," Shepard stated simply, looking around the room. "Dismissed." The room emptied out and Javik asked if he could have a few moments of the Commander's time. She nodded, and stayed behind as Kaidan followed the group out of the room. He wondered what Javik wanted, but he knew the Prothean and Shepard had an odd understanding between them. As he made his way to the elevator, he was glad he had saved all the information from three years ago. It was nice to be done with his mission prep so he could focus some time on his armor.

Which is exactly what had been doing for a majority of the evening. Scuffing it, working the joints, roughing up the edges so it wouldn't reflect light and give away his position. He had taken a break for a meal in the evening, but hadn't seen much of Shepard all day. He wondered what she had been doing to get herself prepared for the mission, and found he was anxious to see her. They had said, well, he had said a lot, and they had done a lot the night before but they hadn't really spoken about what would be next for them. Kaidan bit back a yawn as he stowed his armor in his locker and regretted not talking to her about the repercussions of his declaration, and their night together.

He went to the elevator and stepped on pressing the button for the crew deck when his 'tool pinged. He opened the message he received, from Shepard, "Whenever you're done down there, you should come up here, to the cabin." He leaned back, and was about to reply when another message came through, "Bring all your stuff."

He grinned, "I'll be right up," was the only reply, which he sent as the doors opened. He stepped off the elevator and went to the observation lounge. He gathered the few items he had and stuffed them in his bag before taking it to the elevator. He was surprised, and pleased, at the way his heart raced as he closed the distance between them. Not for the first time, he wished the elevator moved a little faster.

As he reached the door, his heart was pounding happily as he lifted his 'tool to request access. The lock turned green and he stepped over the threshold, still grinning. He set his bag down just inside the room, and looked around. He hadn't been up here since the morning before Mars. It felt like forever ago. Her quarters were huge for a warship. To his immediate right was a computer terminal, desk, and a case with model space crafts. Beyond that was the bathroom. To his left, an enormous – empty – fish tank.

He moved further into the room, and stopped at the top of three steps which led down to the living area. A storage locker on the same wall as the fish tank, a large – naked – bed in the center of the space with a personal computer terminal to the right of the bed. He stepped down the stairs and froze when he turned to the right. A small area with a corner couch, a coffee table, and a lounge chair filled the corner. On the couch, wrapped around a pillow and covered with an enormous, soft looking, white comforter was Shepard. Just her head was visible among the covers.

Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was slightly open as she dozed on the couch. He leaned against the case with the models for a moment and just looked at her. Her breathing was deep and even, and he smiled gently as he stepped closer to her. He sat on the table across from her face, and let himself drink her in. It still struck him sometimes – how impossible it all was – that she was here. Alive. Breathing. He reached his hand out and brushed some hair back off her forehead.

"Stop being creepy, Alenko," Her voice was quiet, and laced with sleep, and he snorted a laugh. She was smiling when her eyes opened and met his. He felt the twist in his core as she sat up and stretched through a yawn. She patted the spot next to her on the couch, and he moved and sat next to her. Instantly, she molded herself against him. Her head rested on his shoulder and her arms wound around his waist. He sighed deeply, and kissed the top of her head.

"Sloan?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you sleeping on the couch?"

She sighed deeply, and Kaidan tightened his hold on her. "I tried sleeping in the bed, my first night on the SR-2. When I opened my eyes and all I saw was the stars, I panicked. I haven't slept there since," She answered and it was then Kaidan noticed the window above the bed. "For all the geniuses Cerberus had designing and building this ship, they didn't seem to consider the fact that the person sleeping in the bed had been spaced," She said as her fingers toyed with the collar of his shirt. Her nails, and the tips of her fingers lightly brushed against his neck.

"Nightmares?" He asked, and she nodded. "But they're better when you're not alone, right?" She nodded again and he tilted his head to look down at her. After a moment, her eyes lifted and met his.

"You're staying up here from now on, right?" She asked him, and he was dumbfounded for a moment at how vulnerable she sounded. He reached over and cupped her face.

"I'm staying until you tell me to leave," He answered, and she nodded before turning her head and kissing his palm. She laid her head back on his chest. "No, not even then." He added quietly and she sighed, turning her face into his chest. They sat in silence for a few long moments. Breathing, and holding on to each other. He felt her body relax and her breathing deepen and knew she was drifting off. "Let's get to bed," He whispered, "You're falling asleep."

"Well," She said, as she pulled away from him, "Someone kept me up all night," She teased and he chuckled and asked if she was complaining. "Not for a second," She added before leaning over and kissing him quickly. They stood and worked together to get themselves, and the room, ready for bed. Kaidan's eyes roamed over her and her sleeping attire, a long T and nothing else, as they moved the pillows and blankets back to the bed. Shepard shook out the comforter, and Kaidan grabbed the edge near him as he looked at her across the bed between them.

She smiled as they made the bed, and Kaidan was reminded of the domesticity they found in Vancouver. The easy way their lives weaved together. He watched as she sat, sliding her long, slender legs beneath the blanket and laid down against the pillows. He stripped to his boxers and climbed in beside her. Instantly, she moved closer to him, lying her head on his chest and lifting her leg to rest it over his. Her hand skimmed up his core to his chest, stopping over his heart, and he reached up and covered it with his. He watched the stars, and listened to her breathe.

He was overcome with a sudden wave of grief and guilt as he reveled in the feeling of her here with him. His father was dead. His mother was alone, and there was nothing he could do for her. Shepard had been dead. He knew what that grief felt like and there was no way he could make his mom feel better. There was no one out there that would resurrect Alex Alenko. "What's wrong?" She whispered and he barely heard it.

He cleared his throat, "I want to ask you something, but I'm not sure how."

"You can ask me anything," She promised softly.

"What do you remember?" She tensed at his question, and he regretted it as she pulled away from him and sat, folding her legs in front of her. He tucked his hand under his head as he watched her. Her fingers twisted in front of her as she stared at them.

"I was wondering when you would ask me that," She confessed around a sigh. She cleared her throat and locked her eyes on his. "I remember most of it. I remember ordering you to the shuttle, and going for Joker. I remember his stubborn ass arguing with me. I'm pretty sure I broke a couple of his bones throwing him into the pod. I remember the ship coming back around and the sirens wailing," Her eyes were distant as she spoke, and Kaidan felt terrible for asking but part of him needed to know. "I remember just barely hitting the ejection when the artificial gravity cut off and I was knocked away from the ship," He reached out and placed his free hand on her knee. She reached down and took it in hers. She toyed with his fingers as she continued to speak.

"It was beautiful. Alchera looked amazing from space and at first I thought I could just float there until the Alliance came and they would save me. Then I heard the hissing," She sighed, and wrapped her hand around his. "The air hose had come loose. I realized then I was going to die, and I was surprised by how okay I was. I was glad we had gotten as many of the crew off the ship that we had. I was glad I got Joker to safety. I thought of Anderson and knew he would be upset, but I knew I had made him proud," She zipped her fingers through his and held on tight. "Then I thought of you," She admitted quietly, "and I was sad. I didn't want to leave," She admitted, and cleared her throat, "but I couldn't stay."

"Did it hurt?" She cocked an eyebrow at his question. "Dying?"

"It was like… falling asleep, easier even," She responded simply. "I was still me, but I wasn't. There was no pain, or regret, or fear. I just … was," She said, her eyes showed how difficult it was for her to explain, but he was glad she was trying. "I wasn't alone, either. I could sense my family with me. My parents, and Michael," She added, "all that worrying about what had happened to him, and whether he was angry and waiting for me. He's gone," She explained and he squeezed her hand. "I had no sense of time, so I don't know when the feelings started to return, but eventually I felt like something was missing. I started to worry about what it was. The presence I felt, my family, grew weaker, and that's when fear returned. Then it felt like I was sleeping, I was more aware and I knew it was you that was missing. I was so scared that something had happened to you," She cleared her throat, again, and Kaidan noticed her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Knowing what I know now, obviously, they must have been close to waking me," She offered, "When I did wake up, on that station with Miranda telling me to get up and fight, my first words were, 'Where's Kaidan Alenko?' and they wouldn't answer me," She paused, and pulled her hands from his, scrubbing her hands over her face. "I don't know that I believe in a Higher Power, certainly not the way Ashley did," She started again, "but I'm pretty sure I was in heaven." He sighed, and it sounded sad even to him. She cocked her head at his reaction for a moment, before moving suddenly and lying back down beside him. She stretched out so that her whole self was pressed against his side. He wrapped his arms around her.

He felt guilty, angry that Cerberus had pulled her from her peace, away from her family. He felt selfish for being happy about her being back here, in this hell. He sighed, and shook on its exhale. She whispered his name, and pulled away from him slightly. She shifted so she was above him, looking down into his face and her hair fell and framed them. "It may have been heaven but it wasn't my heaven," she insisted and he felt the confusion playing on his features. She leaned down and kissed him. His hands weaved into her hair. She let herself rest against him, her body radiating heat and warming him, easing his concerns and worries as her lips danced with his. She broke the kiss, and he kept his hands at the base of her head, keeping her close. She pressed her forehead to his, whispering, "How could it be, when you weren't there?" before pulling away, and resting her head back on his chest with a deep, content, sigh.

He felt his chest swell with emotion, his head swam with her words, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, and held her as close to him as he could. "I love you, Sloan," He whispered against the top of her head, and felt her sigh as she pulled him closer. They drifted off to sleep together, both content in this moment. Even if they didn't know how long it would last. They had right now.

They had something to fight for.