Author's Note: Thank you, thank you for sticking with me! I have some time off this coming month, weekends mostly so I'm hoping to get a bunch of writing done. Thank you to those who have added The Reason to their favorite or follow lists. An extra thank you to those who took the time to leave a review; you make my day - every time: TMGermany, Vorcha Girl, ela11, Kirsah, Kateriel79, Zacharti, Jules Hawk, and Anubis85. You're all the best.
... Enjoy! - TLC
Chapter Sixty-Five
When Kaidan woke, Shepard was sitting on the side of the bed, pulling on her boots. He mumbled incoherently, and Shepard turned and graced him with a bright smile. As sleep slipped off him, he remembered the night before, the way she had cried and clung to him. His eyes moved over her face as he sat up. She was smiling, but there was a tension in her eyes that concerned him. He opened his mouth to speak, and she turned away from him and spoke first, wishing him a good morning.
Her reaction to her nightmare, whatever it was, was a sign that she had been bottling things up for far too long. The war was only going to get worse, more people were going to die; they might not win. She needed to have a clear head going into everything and he worried she would be too distracted by what she was hiding. However, he'd learned a long time ago that she would talk when she was ready, and she clearly wasn't ready to talk about this, not yet. "Traynor requested a meeting with me first thing, so I'm heading down to meet with her. She found something in a transmission she wants to run by me," She said as she stood and smoothed her shirt down.
"Alright," He said as he climbed out of bed, pulling on his shorts as he stood. He didn't miss her eyes trail over his body as he stretched. Her lip was pinched between her teeth. He chuckled warmly and crossed the space between them. He leaned down and kissed her lightly, her hand came to rest on his cheek. He pulled back and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you in the mess," He added, and she inhaled quickly. Kaidan had the feeling she wanted to argue, but he raised his eye brows at her, and she let the breath out without comment and nodded.
"You need a shave," Was her response as her fingers danced over the stubble on his cheek. She let her hand fall to her side, and stepped back from him.
"Yes, Ma'am," He answered, and she smiled as she turned on her heel, and left. He watched her go, and forced the concern away from the front of his mind as he focused on getting ready for the day. Once he had showered, and shaved, he stood in front of the mirror and looked down to the amp in his hands. The guilt he'd ignored the day before came roaring to life as he looked at the offensive piece of equipment. He hadn't had such mixed emotions about his biotics since he joined the Alliance. With a heavy sigh, he slid it into its port. As the power surged through his body, he couldn't stop the gasp and accompanying shudder. It was pleasant, and he decided he didn't care about the nosebleeds and migraines. He was powerful, formidable. He could keep her safe. He clenched his jaw and discharged against the sink before turning and moving through the ship to the mess.
It was early, and the ship was slowly waking up. Kaidan nodded at a few of the crew he passed as he went to the counter for his breakfast. He filled two trays, one for himself and one for Shepard. He was almost surprised by how empty the mess was, but then he realized Shepard would have gotten up before the rest of the ship to start her rounds. He was able to find an empty table with a view of the elevator. This way, he could make sure she stopped to eat. He had noticed when he was still at Huerta how thin she seemed, and now that he'd seen all of her, he knew he was right. She had enough weight to her to stop the bones of her spine and ribs from protruding, barely. He was making it his personal mission to make sure she stayed healthy. Between her meals and her nightmares, he had his hands full.
He watched as two of Adams's engineers, Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels, entered the mess. They had worked with Shepard and Cerberus, and had been incarcerated while Shepard was. She used her Spectre authority to have them released, and from what Adams said, it was good she did. They were familiar with the ship, and EDI, and worked extremely well together. Their quick, familiar banter was lighthearted and warm. They filled their trays and sat at a table near his. They smiled at him, briefly, before turning their attention back to their conversation as he continued to watch. He couldn't hear everything they were saying; he was fairly certain they were talking about EDI, and not about her intelligence.
Kaidan had to chuckle as Ken drawled on about EDI's new body and its curves and padding. He had to admit, if the body hadn't tried to kill him, he would be able to see the appeal. The pair were sitting close, and leaning towards each other. It seemed to Kaidan, like maybe they didn't even realize they were. He had this strange sense of voyeurism as he observed them. He noticed the way they easily shared their food, stealing bits from each others trays and laughing. They couldn't take their eyes off each other, and they were completely unaware of their audience.
Ken, however, continued going on about how sexy EDI is, and even turned his comments to Traynor. As he watched them, Kaidan couldn't help but smile. He watched as Gabby grew frustrated with Ken's comments. Her tone sharpened and her words were clipped as she put some space between them. He watched the heat rise from her collar as he sipped his coffee. He watched when Ken stood to clear their table as he continued to chuckle. Gabby's eyes followed him across the mess as she stood and waited for him. She chewed on her lip trying, and failing, to hide the smile that was playing there. Kaidan chuckled softly at how familiar the scene was.
Gabby was in love. Ken was oblivious.
Ken joined Gabby back at the table and they walked side by side to the elevator. As they rounded the corner, Shepard walked passed them. She greeted them with a nod, and Kaidan's face split into a grin when he saw her. He couldn't help it. Her eyes met his from across the mess, and he gestured to the tray of food he had filled for her. Her eyes moved to the forward battery, where Garrus was, before moving back to him at the table. For a moment he thought he would have to press the issue of breakfast, and he was thankful when she walked over on her own. He saw the gratitude in her eyes as she reached him. She sat, and her hand went immediately to his leg, which she squeezed affectionately. After seeing Ken and Gabby, and watching their interaction, he was so grateful to be where he was with Sloan: together and, despite everything, happy. He had been Gabby; being Gabby sucked.
He covered her hand with his for just a brief second and she smiled before pulling her hand back and tucking into her meal. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she ate. She inhaled her food, barely taking the time to taste it. Granted, there wasn't much to miss out on when it came to their rations. He let a deep breath escape through his nose, and she paused at the sound, her eyes darting up to his, "What?" She asked, wiping her mouth and taking a long drink of her coffee.
"Nothing," He answered, not wanting to broach his concerns right now, "What did Traynor have?" She kept her eyes on him for a moment. It was clear in her stare that she didn't believe it was nothing, but she let it go.
"We're heading to Grissom Academy," She answered as she finished her food. "I'll have all the details at the briefing," She explained pushing away from the table. "Speaking of which," She opened her omni'tool and notified the crew to meet in the war room. Kaidan stood and cleared the table. He smiled when he turned and found her watching him as she waited. They fell into step together and he wanted to take her hand in his as they walked to the elevator, but he knew he couldn't. The fact that he was staying in her cabin with her was not a secret. They weren't hiding anything, but they did have to maintain a level of professionalism while they were on duty. It was one thing he knew they agreed on without having to talk about it.
They stepped onto the elevator, and the door closed locking them inside and away from prying eyes. She let out a sigh, and her head fell to rest on his shoulder. He felt it again, that happiness bubbling in his chest. It was so out of place on the warship, in the middle of a war, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He turned his head and pressed his lips to her hair. She lifted her head and met his eyes. There was so much of what he was feeling reflected in her gaze, it surprised him. The doors opened, breaking their moment as the coolness of the Commander washed over her features and they strode purposefully off the elevator.
Traynor and EDI followed them through the security check and into the war room. Shepard and Kaidan stood shoulder to shoulder at the head of the table as the rest of the crew followed. Liara breezed in and stood in a corner of the room, her concentration solely on her omni'tool. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes intense as they flew over the information before her. Kaidan wondered briefly what had her so concerned.
James and Garrus rounded out the group, entering last and staying near the door. Shepard cleared her throat, and started, "Specialist Traynor came across something that needs our immediate attention." She gestured to Traynor who seemed a bit uncomfortable as she started speaking.
"I found something while scanning Alliance channels," She paused, her eyes moving quickly around the room. They paused on Shepard, who gestured for her to continue. "Grissom Academy is requesting help. The Reaper invasion front will hit them soon."
"Isn't that that school for biotics?" James interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why is it still open?"
"Well, Grissom Academy is more than a school for biotics. It is home to some of the smartest students humanity has to offer, but yes, their Ascension Project is known for helping gifted young biotics," Traynor explained and James nodded. Traynor's eyes flicked back to Shepard and bounced between the Commander and Kaidan. Kaidan swallowed hard. "If it had been open twenty years ago, I bet the Commander and the Major would have been there," She offered. Kaidan allowed himself a brief moment to wonder what that would have been like. A school for gifted human biotics, run with dignity and respect. He wondered what it would have been like to meet Shepard in another circumstance, if they would have been as drawn to each other as they had been. If they would have ended up together. Her eyes met his briefly and he wondered if she was thinking the same thing.
"I agree with Vega," Shepard interrupted, breaking Kaidan's train of thought. "I'm surprised it's still open. I would have expected the families of the students to want them home."
"Some of their work has Alliance support," Kaidan offered as thoughts of his missing students flooded his mind. "Most of my biotic recruits were graduates. If they felt like they could help, that's most likely why they stayed." Shepard nodded and gestured for Traynor to continue.
"A Turian evac transport responded to their distress call, so, normally I'd say we don't need to do anything, but something sounded off in the Turian's signal. So, on Major Alenko's suggestion, I asked EDI to perform an analysis," She paused, and EDI picked up where she left off.
"It's fake," EDI explained, turning towards Shepard, "It is very similar to the signal The Illusive Man used to lure you to the Collector Ship." There was question in Traynor and James's eyes. Shepard's gaze flicked to Garrus, whose mandibles twitched.
"Long story," She brushed off their question, and Kaidan was glad he had read her reports. At least he wasn't in the dark on this.
"In any event, whoever faked the signal wants us to think Grissom Academy is being evacuated, but I believe they are still in danger," Traynor finished, sounding confident and sure as her eyes moved to Shepard.
"Nice work, Traynor," Shepard offered her, and the young woman's cheeks flushed at her praise.
"If this really is Cerberus, hopefully this operation is worth investigating. It could be simple disinformation…." Traynor's lack of experience on a warship forced doubt into her words, and Shepard clicked her tongue lightly.
"Traynor," Shepard spoke her name firmly, and the Specialist stopped speaking, "Good catch." She smiled brightly, and dropped her eyes to her hands. "Joker, what is our ETA?" She asked the pilot over the comm.
"Approximate arrival time is two hours," He answered simply.
"Alright, Garrus and Alenko you're with me on this one. If it is Cerberus, I can guarantee they'll have lots of tech, including engineers, turrets, and Atlases. Not to mention we're heading to a biotic school. I have to assume Cerberus will deploy their biotic soldiers," She explained. "Vega, prep the weapons. Liara, see what information you can get for me on the school: staffing, students, and layout, whatever you can find." She opened the comm, "Cortez," She reached out to the shuttle pilot.
"Make sure the shuttle is ready to get us to Grissom Academy; ETA two hours," She ordered and the pilot accepted the order. "Dismissed," She offered and the room slowly emptied. "Alenko, stay back a minute," She said, and Kaidan watched as the room emptied. Her tone was firm, and Kaidan knew this was Commander Shepard and not Sloan who was addressing him. Once they were alone, he turned towards her.
"Commander?" He responded, showing her he understood who was with him at the moment. He could see the appreciation of his acknowledgment in her eyes.
"Make sure you have the all clear from the Doc before we head out," Her words were formal, and nothing less than would be expected, but he knew they came from a place of caring.
"Of course, Commander," He added, and she nodded before leading him from the room. They split ways at the CIC. She went to the Galaxy Map and he went to the elevator to head down to the med-bay. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He had to admit, he was worried she would keep him on restricted duty which meant he would have to stay behind. He didn't want to.
He strode confidently to the med-bay, and Chakwas turned her perceptive gaze to him as soon as he entered. "I was expecting you," She said as she stood and gestured to the nearest cot. His cot. She met him there.
"Well, how could I get through a day without visiting my favorite Doctor?" He asked, laying on the charm, flashing a grin as she reached him. He leaned over and bumped her with his shoulder, she let out a delicate snort
Dr. Chakwas rolled her eyes as she opened her omni'tool. "You really are too handsome for your own good, do you know that?" She asked him as she waved the 'tool over his body. He couldn't stop the color from tinting his cheeks at her words. When she lifted her eyes to his face, she laughed good-naturedly. She reached out and cupped his face, her hands slid to the back of his neck, her fingers were firm and appraising as they probed. She let her comment, and his blush, go as she focused on his exam. "Any residual pain this morning? Tension?" She asked, pulling back to look at his face.
"No, Ma'am," He answered, as she leaned back and tilted his face up so she could look into his eyes.
"I'm assuming you slept well last night?" She asked him, and again, his cheeks flushed. It was the equivalent of his mother asking how a date went when he stumbled in the next morning dressed in the clothes he had gone out in the night before. It was why he always made sure to get home before his mother was awake. Unfortunately, he had a ship mother, too, and she was just as aware. "Well, that can help a person relax, as well." She said, and Kaidan burned to the tips of his ears. She released his face and opened her 'tool again, ignoring his response to her words. "You're cleared for duty. I want to see you immediately after the mission today, before you take off your gear, before your shower, before anything … you're in here. Am I clear?" She asked, looking up at him through her lashes.
"Crystal clear, Ma'am," He answered, glad she was allowing him to go. She nodded and Kaidan hopped off the cot. "Thank you." She nodded and went back to her desk as Kaidan left the med-bay.
Kaidan went immediately to the cargo bay. He knew Shepard ordered Vega to take care of the weapons but he wanted to look through the available modifications himself. There had only been one person he trusted to mod his weapons without his supervision, and she died on Virmire. He met James at his station, and bit back the disappointment when he noticed his pistol and rifle out on his counter. He reminded himself James was just following orders.
Kaidan picked up his sidearm, and felt Vega's eyes on him as he appraised the Lieutenant's work. He was … impressed. The weapon was lighter than he had it, and when he lifted it to check the sight, it was easy to focus on a target across the bay. He nodded. "Nice work," He offered as he set down the pistol and eyed his rifle.
"Check out the Avenger," Vega nodded towards the gun and Kaidan lifted it. James didn't lift his eyes as Kaidan examined his weapon, but Kaidan knew he was watching him from the corner of his eye. "I extended the barrel for accuracy, and upgraded the scope," He said as Kaidan let himself feel it, moving it from hand to hand before lifting it as he had the pistol. It hadn't gained weight, but he could tell it would be much more powerful. He nodded, glancing quickly at Vega before setting the rifle down. He could see the pride in the smirk on James face, even if the Lieutenant kept his eyes down.
Kaidan didn't say anything, he lifted Shepard's shotgun and started to work on it, ensuring it was clean and ready for their mission. "So, I was thinking, when we get back from Grissom, after shift tonight, we'd get a workout in," Kaidan offered, and almost laughed at the way Vega's eyes lit up.
"Yes, Sir," Vega agreed, "If you're not too tired, that is," He teased and Kaidan laughed loudly, cocking an eyebrow at the younger man.
"We'll see who needs a nap when we're done," He answered as the elevator doors opened and Shepard walked off and to her locker. Kaidan glanced at his 'tool and realized it was time to suit up. "Duty calls," He said as he stood.
"Godspeed, Major," Vega offered, and Kaidan nodded his thanks as he met Shepard at their lockers. Due to the threat of a Cerberus presence, it had been decided they would leave the Normandy at a distance from the station, and Cortez would take them in on the shuttle. This way, the Normandy could be kept out of an unnecessary confrontation.
"I'm glad Chakwas cleared you," Shepard said as she snapped on her greaves. Kaidan nodded as he pulled on his underarmor. "Though, her message said I should know better than to keep my recuperating soldiers up after lights out," She added through a smirk, and Kaidan laughed out loud. His eyes met Shepard's and he loved the smile on her face. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, but he settled for checking her armor when she offered him her back. Once he was sure she was secure, he finished with his own gear as she went and picked up her weapons from Vega's station. He watched as she met Garrus and Cortez at the shuttle.
Kaidan grabbed his weapons from Vega, who nodded at him as he stowed them. He reached the shuttle and turned his back to Shepard whose hands moved easily over his armor, checking the closures. "I can't tell you how glad I am you're here, Cortez," Garrus's two-toned voice rang out as they stepped on to the shuttle. Cortez moved to the controls, as he asked why. "I'm just glad we have an actual shuttle," Garrus answered, his eyes moving to Kaidan, and then to Shepard before moving back to Kaidan. His mandibles twitched wildly and his eyes had a mischievous gleam in them.
"I'm surprised you don't miss the Mako," Shepard accused, her voice teasing as she joined them.
"I will admit, I do miss how simple her systems were. Calibrating her was much easier, and took a lot less time than the Normandy's weapons," He paused and met Kaidan's eyes before continuing, "Still, I'm glad for the shuttle. Right, Alenko?"
Kaidan chuckled lightly, waiting for Shepard to catch up. "Absolutely, I prefer taking a shuttle for a mission than a Mako any day." It was clear when she did, the realization was plain in the way her jaw dropped and her arms folded over her chest.
"Especially if Shepard is driving," Garrus added, and Shepard spluttered as Kaidan and Garrus laughed, together. She looked like she was going to argue about it, but there was a moment when her features softened and warmed as she watched them laughing at her expense. Kaidan had to admit, he was surprised but grateful for the moment of camaraderie.
"I'm a great driver," Shepard finally insisted as she settled into the seat between them and secured herself. Kaidan and Garrus shared a look, both grinning in their own ways, as Cortez eased them out of the Normandy and towards the station.