Author's Note: Well, my vacation is over and I am heartbroken to return to work and being an adult tomorrow. That said, I'm very happy with this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I have to say thank you to those who added The Reason to their favorite or follow lists. An extra thank you to those who took the time to let me know what you thought of the last chapter. I love hearing what you think: Vorcha Girl, ImplicationsProblematic, Kirabaros, Foxterra, Zacharti, Schizoid-Freak, ela11, Jules Hawk, TaiKee, and Kirsah.
A shout out to both Vorcha Girl and Jules Hawk. Over the last two weeks I had some serious difficulty with these last two chapters and your support, suggestions, and kind words really helped me get through it. Thank you so much for the help. You're both amazing!
I think that's all ... Enjoy! - TLC
Chapter Seventy-Three
Warm, clammy hands gripped his back. Sensibly short, perfect nails broke his skin. Choked sobs followed by shallow gasping breaths shook him from slumber. As consciousness returned, he glanced down at Sloan. She was clutching him tightly, he hissed as the pain of broken skin intensified. She was choking; hot tears rolled down her face. Her eyes were pressed closed.
"Hey, hey, hey," he started trying a whisper, but slowly increased the volume as she struggled with her terror. "Sloan," He spoke her name firmly just by her ear. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her into him. Hoping the security of his embrace would ease some of her pain. With one huge gasp she woke. Her eyes wide, empty, and cold as they stared up at him. He threw his leg over her and pulled her even closer. "Sloan, you're okay. I'm here. You're here. You're okay," he promised her as he held her, and she broke.
Loud, hollow sobs racked through her body as she clung to him. He wasn't sure how long she cried. He held her, his mind wandering as he considered what would cause these nightmares. This seemed different, though; different from the other nightmares she'd had. She didn't flare. She wasn't being defensive, or offensive for that matter.
Eventually, the trembling stopped and she quieted. He pulled away just slightly. His skin slick with her tears. He released her enough to wipe her face. She kept her eyes down. "Sloan," he whispered her name, afraid anything louder would startle her. She looked up and met his eyes. "Will you tell me this time?"
She cleared her throat and pulled herself closer to him. He sighed, and was surprised when she started to speak. "This was different tonight," she admitted. Her voice was hoarse as she spoke, no doubt from the coughing and gasping she had done, and that was before the crying. "While we were approaching Omega, Aria ran her ship into the station to try to breach their defenses. We ended up having to abandon ship. Lights, alarms, sprinkler systems, I didn't think about it at the time but, it was all very … familiar."
Oh God.
"Usually, when I dream, when I have nightmares, it's about the people we've lost. They haunt me. They blame me. They tell me I should have been able to save them. They're not wrong," he started to interrupt her, to reassure her, but she continued like he hadn't started speaking, "Tonight, we were on the SR-1. We were above Alchera, and I was…."
He didn't make her finish. He leaned forward and kissed her, soundly, as if to reassure both of them that she was here, alive, and okay. He pressed her closer to him, pulling his mouth from hers, he tucked her head in under his chin and held her as he felt the emotion rising in his chest. She let out a shaky sigh pressing her lips against his bare skin. His sight blurred as he blinked back tears. He knew it was a reality. He knew that, any day, one of them might not come back from a mission. He didn't know what he would do if he lost her again. He dropped his lips to her ear, "I love you." She didn't answer; she just held on tighter. Eventually, sleep took them again.
Kaidan woke and knew he was alone. Still, without opening his eyes, he swept his arm out along the bed. Empty sheets met his searching hand. He opened his eyes and, sure enough, she was gone. He sighed and pulled himself out of bed. He reached his arms over his head and the joints in his shoulders and back popped. He dressed quickly, eager to find Shepard, to make sure she was okay. He stepped onto the elevator and asked EDI if she knew where Shepard was.
"Shepard is down at the Drive Core," EDI responded simply. Kaidan thanked her and chose the call button for Engineering. He stepped off the elevator and passed through the doors, just missing the reporter Diana Allers. He had been successful in evading her since his return to the Normandy. The fact that their cabin was off limits without an invitation was helpful. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to avoid her.
Engineering was vacant, which was unusual. Adams, Daniels, and Donnelly were noticeably absent when he stepped into the room. He expected there to be at least one engineer on duty. He moved forward, passing their terminals and finding Shepard standing before the drive core. He wondered if she had asked them to leave her alone, and swallowed hard. Maybe she wanted to be left alone. He thought of the way she had held him the night before and decided he didn't care.
The core itself was large, larger than on any other ship. The Element Zero used to power the ship was contained within the core; removing any risk of radiation poisoning. Still, the power it gave off caused a sheen of energy to dance over the sphere. It was similar to the glow any biotic had when using their powers. The room was filled with the familiar scent of hot metal and the bitter tang of the eezo. The hum of the core was pleasant on his skin. His hair stood on end. His nerve endings were stimulated as his own amp buzzed with the proximity of so much power.
The glow was enough to hide her in her own shadow. He could make out just her outline against the sphere. It was an image that burned into his brain; something he knew he would never forget. She gripped the bar in front of her with her arms straight to the sides. Her head was down, and her shoulders were forward. Her weight was on one leg, the other foot crossed behind.
His mind's eye showed him a moment from a distant memory. In the kitchen of their hotel room in Vancouver. She was wearing only his shirt. She was silhouetted by the light in the fridge. She reached up with one bare foot and scratched the calf of her bare leg with her toes.
When he stepped onto the grate, moving towards her, the metal clanked beneath his boot. She turned just her head towards him. She wasn't startled, just acknowledging his presence. He closed the space between them, standing behind her, almost touching. He leaned forward and whispered, "You left without waking me."
She offered a half smile, leaning her head back and resting it on his shoulder. "You looked so peaceful. I didn't have the heart." Her voice was quiet, just loud enough for him to hear over the core. He felt the stirrings of arousal as she took a minute step back and pressed herself against him.
He let out a throaty chuckle, "Well, I appreciate the thought but, next time, wake me." His hands slipped over her hips, and his arms wrapped around her waist. He buried his face in her neck and she sighed deeply. She leaned back against him, and he supported her as her hands came up to rest over his arms. They stood in silence for a minute, and he enjoyed simply holding her. "Why are you here? Did you scare away the engineers?"
She let out a light snort. "After I left you this morning, I felt … I felt odd. I don't know, kind of numb. I hadn't felt like that for a long time. Not since I left Cerberus. I used to come down here, and just," she stopped and was silent for a long time. "Do you feel that?" she asked him. "The energy, the pulse. It feels like … life. It used to help when I got like this before. It would help ground me. I was hoping it would again."
"Did it?" He pressed his lips to her neck, and her hands gripped his arms tighter as she gasped lightly.
"No, not at first," she answered on a sigh as her head tilted slightly away from him, exposing more of her neck. He continued to press gentle kisses to her sensitive skin. When she didn't continue, he pulled back and waited for her to look at him, she met his eyes, "not until you showed up." He leaned forward and kissed her; he couldn't help himself. She returned the kiss eagerly as one hand came up to hold the back of his head. She turned in his embrace, her arms winding around his neck as his hands roamed her curves. She moaned against his lips as he expertly navigated her body.
The kiss was fierce, demanding, and it ignited a fire that would not be quenched. His body reacted to her, and he knew she felt it. It had been too long. The kiss broke when her hands skimmed down his front. He felt one hand curl around the buckle of his belt. He gasped; his eyes flew open and met hers. "Sloan," Her name was a plea on a groan as she unbuckled his belt. He took over as she moved to her own clothes.
They didn't care that they were, essentially, in public. They didn't care that anyone could walk in. Caught in the moment, washed away by the lost opportunities, rational thought was not present. He took her, there in engineering, before the drive core. His pants at his knees and hers dangling, tangled in one boot as the other lay forgotten beside them. It was fast, desperate, and needy. Hands grasped, and the sounds of their pleasure were drowned out by the core.
It didn't take long for either of them to finish. Their sensations were heightened by the power in the room. The emotions of the last week, Shepard's absence, and the starts and stops prior was effectively two weeks of foreplay. Shuddering and gasping they clung to each other, Kaidan had her pressed against the railing, her legs around his waist as their bodies settled. Their kisses slowed, passion draining from them as reality returned and he set her on the floor. Their eyes met, and they grinned through their blushing. They dressed quickly; trying, yet failing, not to look like guilty, love struck teenagers.
Hours later they were called to the conference room by both Traynor and Garrus. Kaidan had to admit he was grateful that he and Shepard were able to go about their day like nothing had happened. Garrus had initially called the meeting; he had heard back from Tali and it was what they had suspected. The Quarians had engaged the geth to try to take back their homeworld. Kaidan couldn't help but feel the burn of frustration at their poor timing. Tali was requesting assistance with their fight, in return the Quarians, the largest fleet in the galaxy, would join their cause.
Kaidan noticed the hope in Garrus's eyes. The Turian was clearly worried about Tali, and wanted to help her, but he knew in the end it was Shepard's decision. Kaidan never doubted that she would help Tali; not only because they were friends, but the Quarians did have the largest fleet, and there was no doubt it would be needed for the fight against the Reapers. Shepard agreed and asked Garrus to let Tali know they would head for the Far Rim immediately.
Traynor interjected before Shepard ended the meeting. Apparently, there was a group of ex-Cerberus scientists that were requesting assistance. They had defected from Cerberus and were in hiding, but Traynor believed Cerberus had found them. "We could use them on the Crucible," Shepard muttered as she considered the galaxy map. "Garrus, tell Tali we'll head out there as soon as we collect the scientists. Let her know we should reach her in three day's time. Joker," she called to the pilot. He replied immediately. "Set a course for Gellix, what's our ETA?"
"Four hours, Commander," Joker answered and Kaidan felt the gentle shifting of the ship as it altered course.
"Very well," Shepard stated, "I'll be taking Vakarian and Alenko groundside. Gentlemen, be ready to drop in four." She dismissed the room, and the crew went their separate ways. Kaidan turned towards the Bridge as Shepard made her way towards her terminal near the galaxy map.
"Hey, Joker," Kaidan greeted as he stepped up behind the pilot. He noticed the grin on Joker's face, but he chose to ignore it. "EDI, lovely to see you."
"You, as well, Kaidan," EDI answered; her voice sounding almost as amused as Joker looked.
"What's so funny?" He asked, apprehension building in his core as he shifted from one foot to the other. Joker and EDI exchanged a look and Kaidan swallowed hard.
"Well, you know there are cameras all over the ship, right?" Joker asked, spinning his chair around to look Kaidan in the eye. Kaidan thought back to Shepard and his tryst earlier in the day and felt the heat rising from his collar. He knew his cheeks would be colored with the embarrassment as he asked Joker to make his point. "Well, generally, if something starts somewhere that shouldn't be on camera, I'll turn it off. And there are places where there are no cameras, the bathrooms, and the elevator, but the drive core… well… for security purposes, I can't turn the cameras off in there." He was grinning, and Kaidan took a deep cleansing breath as he decided he couldn't care. What's done was done.
"Well, I hope you enjoyed the show," he answered with a shrug. He swallowed hard and looked out towards the approaching relay. He nodded his head and the pilot spun again chuckling.
"Kaidan," EDI spoke up, and Kaidan turned and met her eyes. He was astonished at the humor he could see there. He never would have thought he would be able to see emotion in an AI's face, but EDI was growing more and more human every day. It amazed him. "While we are incapable of turning off the cameras, I was able to adjust the angle to ensure nothing was captured by the devices. Your," she paused and mimicked the sound of a throat being cleared before continuing, "rendezvous was not recorded."
Kaidan felt the relief wash over him like a wave. "Thank you, EDI," he sighed. Joker was chuckling, and Kaidan couldn't help but laugh with him for a moment. He'd had to admit he'd had images of the video being released, or pictures showing up in magazines. Spectre Porn Special. He sighed, and turned on his heel. "I guess we'll have to keep it to the elevator then, huh?" he added as he left the Bridge to Joker and EDI's good natured chuckling.
The mission on Gellix was quick, and Kaidan sensed Garrus was grateful that they were already on their way to the Far Rim. They'd managed to swoop in and collect the scientists who had defected. They'd been surprised to learn that it wasn't just the scientists, but their families who were being hunted. They had children with them in hiding. Shepard was surprised to see Jacob Taylor among them.
He was ex-Alliance, and now ex-Cerberus agent who had taken it upon himself to keep the scientists safe. Kaidan recognized the name from Shepard's reports. He'd been with her on the Collector Base. Small galaxy. Kaidan was more than happy to get them on the Normandy, and then on their way to Hackett. The scientists would be working on the Crucible, but it was more than that. Kaidan decided quickly he didn't like Jacob. There was something about the way he spoke to Shepard, like he knew her, that rubbed him the wrong way.
While discussing Jacob's time since the Collector Base, the man admitted he'd been in a steady relationship with one of the scientists, Dr. Cole. Shepard had teased him about settling down, and Jacob agreed. Shepard then commented that she was a bit jealous, and Jacob laughed. When she asked why, he stated she would never be able to settle down, that the Normandy and the Alliance were the true loves of her life. They were in the cargo bay, waiting for Hackett's shuttle and Kaidan had been standing nearby when the man made the claim. Kaidan felt himself tense at the accusation. He needn't have worried. "It's a good thing your job wasn't to read people, Taylor," Shepard responded, her voice clipped and cool. "We spent nearly a year on the same ship and you know nothing about me."
She'd turned on her heel, and seemed surprised to find Kaidan so close. She met his eyes, and gave him a warm, reassuring smile. Kaidan returned it, feeling all the negativity of the day seep from his pores as she continued past him and to the elevator. He heard Jacob huffing behind him, but remained silent. One of the scientists, Dr. Cole, was speaking softly to Jacob. Kaidan couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, and he couldn't wait to get them off the ship.
It wasn't much longer before the shuttle arrived. The scientists piled on and Kaidan gave the all clear for them to go. Hackett was still anxious for more help on the Crucible. From the specs Kaidan had seen, it was the most massive project the Alliance had ever undertaken, and the importance of it was immeasurable. He just wished they had some clue as to what it did. Once the shuttle was on its way, he left the cargo bay and went to the CIC. The elevator doors opened just as Shepard was stepping down from the Map.
Their course was set. Their ETA to the Far Rim was just about three days; they were crossing the galaxy to get there. He was anxious to see Tali; he'd missed her, though, no where near as much as Garrus had. Kaidan never would have thought a Turian could be giddy, but if there was one word to describe him, that was it. Kaidan suspected he'd be spending a lot of time calibrating the guns to keep his mind off the passing time.
He waited on the elevator for Shepard, when she stepped on and the doors closed he reached out and took her hand. "Hey," he offered and she smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"Hey," she whispered her reply, and looked up and met his eyes. This time, they made it to the privacy of their room before clothes came off.