Author's Note: Happy New Year! I am so sorry it took me so long to get this out to you. It's a big chapter for Sloan and he really needed to be perfect. I do go a bit off canon here, and I feel the need to warn about character death. Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter. I'm so glad you're still enjoying it, and that you took the time to let me know. It's motivating and I can't thank you enough: Kirabaros, Jules Hawk, Impslave, Schizoid-Freak, TaiKee, VorchaGirl, Zacharti, Kirsah, magicklibra, and Kallie6891. To those reading along, thanks for coming on the journey with us.

I guess that's all. I'll only add that I have the next chapter half written so hopefully it won't be too long for another update. For now ... Enjoy. - TLC

Trigger Warning:

Character Death

Chapter Seventy-Five

Kaidan was slightly surprised when EDI got up and left the Bridge. She made an excuse about needing to be down in the AI core. Kaidan, even with the concern eating up a majority of his focus, didn't miss the way EDI's hand rested on Joker's shoulder as she passed him. Joker looked up at her face, and gave her a smile before turning his head to watch her leave. He glanced at Kaidan as the Major slid into the co-pilot's seat.

"Just like old times, eh?" Joker asked as his hands, ever confident, continued to skim over the interface before him. Kaidan felt the chuckle slip out, though it was more of a nervous laugh than anything. Joker seemed to take his lack of a real response appropriately, and turned all his attention to his work. Kaidan logged into the console and pulled up his medic program, before linking into their comms. He listened to their banter as they made their way through the ship. His eyes darting from the rainbow of colored coding to the team's vitals.

He wasn't sure how much time went by. Tali, Garrus, and Shepard seemed to be in good spirits as they worked together. It was clear they were a team, a team that knew each other, and their skills, well. Shepard and Tali even joked about their mission on the Collector base. Kaidan ignored the stab of guilt in his core as their lighthearted bantering continued.

When the first geth attacked, Kaidan's back straightened and he leaned forward over the console; as if moving closer would get him closer to the battle. He strained to hear her as his trigger finger twitched. She was always vocal in battle. She grunted when she fought hand to hand. She cursed under her breath, filthy words slipping out of her sweet mouth and perfect lips. She screamed when she Charged. His favorite, was the way she roared when she followed a Charge with a Nova. He could see her, sheathed in blue, the air around her shifting and pulling him with her, but only for a step before she shot across the area. She'd slam into the enemy before her deafening bellow escaped her as her fist came down to their feet. He could see the shock of blue electricity as the nearest foes were tossed onto their backs, fried and never standing again.

He listened for all of this, with his eyes closed. So long as he could hear her, she was okay. They were making their way through the ship trying to reach the Operations Center. It was hard for him to be stuck listening, especially when he had grown so accustomed to being with her, and watching her back. He had to trust Garrus and Tali. He could do that. Garrus would keep her safe.

Minutes ticked by as he counted the rounds fired. It was taking too long. His leg bounced, and his fingers tapped the console as he watched the med program. They were closing in on the ops center when they were attacked by even more geth. Kaidan was receiving information from the trio, information on the geth and the signal. He was grateful for it; it gave him something to do. He paused when they realized their path to the ops center was blocked, and they'd have to bypass it. He listened as they worked through the problem. He felt a sense of pride as Tali came up with a plan to get them to the drive core. She had grown so much from the young, timid Quarian they had met in a back alley on the Citadel.

Before they could move forward with their plan, more geth attacked. With every geth platform dropped, the geth's attack grew more desperate and violent, the benefit of a collective consciousness. He continued to filter through the data that had been sent to stop himself from panicking as he listened. Joker glanced at him, and Kaidan met his eyes, knowing the pilot was just as concerned as he was.

They listened as Garrus teased Tali about the effectiveness of her combat drone. Joker turned to Kaidan with a grin. "Are they … flirting?" Kaidan chuckled, but his reply was cut off by the Quarian Admiral Raan sending through a communication. The heavy fleet was taking losses. The geth were simply too strong with the reaper enhancements.

The desperation in her tone killed any levity their friends' flirtation had brought to the bridge, and Kaidan swallowed hard as he listened to the geth attack again. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. He may have to get up and leave, to stop listening to save his sanity. He shifted in his seat and pulled up the medic program to full screen, checking their vitals, and their medi-gel supply. He sighed.

Finally, after what felt like ages, they reached the drive core. Kaidan felt relief begin to trickle down his spine. They were almost done, they'd be back on the ship soon and he would see that she was okay. He made himself a promise, right then, that he'd hold her extra close that night, if she'd let him. He hoped she'd forgiven him for pulling rank.

He listened as Shepard confirmed the Reaper tech in the drive core, and then, he heard a distant, "Shepard Commander, help us."

"No, shit," Joker breathed as he shifted in his seat, sitting straighter. "It's Legion," Joker explained to Kaidan's unvoiced question as Shepard said the same. Kaidan's mind flicked back to the reports he read. Legion was the geth she'd met during her time with Cerberus. The geth who had worked with her to stop the collectors. He sat back and listened as the team debated whether or not they should trust Legion.

Shepard, however, was adamant that she could, and would. As they worked to free the platform, Legion admitted that the geth allied with the reapers, but only after the Quarian attacked. The geth wished to live, and knew that an alliance with the "Old Machines" would help them do so. Once they freed Legion, the Reaper signal vanished and, to show its cooperation, Legion disabled the dreadnaught's drive core, rendering the ship they were on defenseless and without weapons.

Before they had a chance to evacuate, more geth attacked. As Kaidan listened to them fighting the geth, he patched in to the Quarian's communications. He waited for them to give the order to retreat. They didn't. They bickered over whether or not they should leave, or continue their assault. To leave would be to forfeit the war for Rannoch. To stay would risk their live ships, the entire population of Quarians. Not to mention Shepard and her crew still aboard the dreadnaught.

They gave the order to stay. They gave the order to continue to fight. He heard Tali and Shepard arguing with the Admirals as they gave the order to attack the dreadnaught they were on. The Quarian ships opened fire on the dreadnaught. They opened fire on the ship with Tali - their Admiral, Garrus - their Ally, and Shepard - the woman he loved, still on board.

"There are still Admirals in the War Room?" Kaidan didn't recognize his own voice.

"Yeah, but," Joker answered and Kaidan barely registered when the pilot shouted for him to stop. His boots pounded on the bridge as he ran. These bastards were firing on Shepard, and they ordered the attack from the War Room of the Normandy, of her ship. Kaidan's biotics hummed beneath his skin as he reached the door. When it opened, he ran right into the barrier guarded by Westmoreland and Campbell.

He glared at the guards. "Let me pass," he ordered, and it was an order. There was no doubt in his tone, or the way he looked at them. His heart pounded against his chest, and he could feel the bile rising in the back of his throat. These bastard Quarians were executing Shepard. He was going to lose her again. The ship would be destroyed, and she would be killed, because he obeyed her, because he left her. Again.

"I'm sorry, Sir. It has come to our attention you may have the intention of harming the Admirals on board, and we are not allowed to let you pass," Westmoreland insisted. Kaidan flared, and both Westmoreland and Campbell were pushed back a few feet but not knocked down. He didn't have the capacity to feel guilt for his biotic use. There was no room left behind the blinding terror, and gut wrenching loss.

He growled, "I am ordering you to let me pass."

The words were barely passed his lips when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun, his biotic sheathed hand clamping around the large man's throat as he pushed the marine against the wall. He barely registered the identity of his current victim. He wanted the Quarian Admiral's throat in his hand, but it was James who held his hands up, palms out in a defensive position. "Woah, woah, Viejo, calm down. Joker called me, Shepard's already off the dreadnaught. She's fine. Let's go meet her in the Cargo bay," Kaidan stared at the younger man. His words barely making it through the panic fog in his mind. James whispered again that Shepard was fine, and slowly Kaidan's power dissipated and he turned back to the guards. He glared at the pair he was leaving behind, and released James before he made his way to the elevator where Cortez was standing, holding it open for them.

Kaidan stepped on and moved to the back of the car. There was too much in his head at the moment. His anger boiled in his veins as terror settled in his gut. Yet, there was a sense of relief that was dancing in the back of his mind. Relief he found in James's promise that she'd made it off the dreadnaught. His biotics were buzzing loudly as he struggled to keep hold of them and to calm himself down.

James and Cortez exchanged a look as the elevator doors opened just as the Normandy's doors closed and the room sealed. The geth fighter was sitting in the bay near their shuttles. The top opened and Kaidan's eyes searched for her, his heart in his throat and his skin tingling with the need to touch her and know that she was really okay. Garrus climbed out, and turned to help Tali. His taloned hands careful on the Quarians dainty waist.

Shepard's helmet was the next thing to exit the fighter. It flew, clattering to the ground as she pulled herself up. Kaidan watched her climb from the ship and drop to the floor. His eyes moved over her, checking for injuries. She landed hard and when she stood and met his eyes he felt a sense of calm wash over him. She tore her gaze away from him. Her anger seemed to intensify as she whipped off her armor, stripping down to her skivvies before pulling on her BDUs. She was cursing, strings of vulgar threats about the Quarian's parents, and future children, escaped her tense, red lips.

She was pissed, with every reason to be, but she was okay. As Kaidan watched her rage, he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest as his eyes followed her around the bay. With every step she took, every curse she shouted, every movement, he felt more sure that she was fine. Once she was dressed, she stopped, her hands resting on her locker and her head dropped. She took a few deep breaths before she straightened. The bay was silent. Garrus and Tali were removing their armor, and James was seeing to Shepard's gear. She turned and found Kaidan's eyes. He was holding the elevator for her. She strode towards him, and they rode the car in silence. He could feel the anger seeping from her. Radiating, her biotics thrumming. It was familiar. It was comforting. She was okay.

She was in front of him, hands clenched at her sides as the doors opened. She turned her head just slightly to ensure he would follow. He did. She moved quickly through the CIC to security. They passed through Campbell and Westmoreland's security checkpoint with ease. Kaidan felt a pang of guilt and made a note to apologize to them when the dust settled. They entered the War Room, and the Admirals were oblivious to them through their bickering. Shepard stepped further in to the space than Kaidan did. He stood at a relaxed attention in the door way, as Shepard stood with her arms crossed and they watched.

Kaidan was unsure of their names, but he watched as they pointed fingers and placed blame. They made threats of treason, and defended their decisions. They were like petulant children; children who were used to getting their way, bickering over who should get to make the next call. He wondered if this was a side effect of living so closely on the flotilla. It wasn't until one Admiral mentioned Shepard that Kaidan's attention was captured. "What of Shepard, Gerrel? And Tali'Zorah? You endangered their lives, as well!"

"They escaped unharmed!" The Admiral identified as Gerrel turned, then, and found Shepard watching them. He took a step closer to her and she looked down her nose at him. Kaidan bit back a smirk. "Shepard! The mission parameters changed. You're military. You understand that."

Shepard stepped down into the room, taking the stairs slowly and causing him to step back. "No, what I understand is you missing your opportunity to withdraw safely. You forget. The only reason I agreed to help you withdraw is because you agreed to help me against the Reapers. I do not have the time, resources, or energy to take on the geth right now. Now, if I'm going to secure the largest fleet in the galaxy to fight against the largest threat we have ever faced, I have to clean up your mess. This is a battle for another day, Gerrel. What is the purpose of retaking Rannoch if we lose everything to the Reapers in the meantime? Your decision was shortsighted, rash, and simply put it was wrong." She paused and he started to speak, but she didn't let him. "Not only did you risk your people by continuing the attack, you fired on a ship with one of your Admirals, a high ranking Turian official, and a goddamn Council Spectre. If I didn't need your fleet, I'd leave and let the geth have you." She leaned close, her breath condensing on his helmet. "I suggest you get the fuck off my ship."

He moved from in front of her, he was muttering something beneath his breath as he went but it was too quiet to be deciphered. He stopped in front of Kaidan, who stood stone still. The Quarian looked up and his glowing eyes met Kaidan's. He let his biotics flare, just slightly, the energy racing over his frame. The Quarian took a minute step back, and Kaidan smirked before moving out of his way. He left and Kaidan moved the rest of the way into the room.

Shepard turned to speak with the other Admiral as Tali and Garrus entered the room. Before they could really get into any further planning, Joker's voice echoed through the room. "Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the comm for you." Kaidan heard it, there was something in his tone. Shepard must have noticed it, too. Her back straightened and she turned and met Kaidan's eyes.

"Thank you, Joker," she moved passed the remaining Quarians as Kaidan received a message on his 'tool. It was Joker, telling him to go with her. He cursed silently and followed in her footsteps, entering the QEC just as Hackett's form materialized. He remained in the back of the room, towards the now closed door as Shepard stood at attention.

"Admiral Hackett," her tone was gentle, inquisitive. She hadn't expected to hear from him, and Kaidan could tell it made her nervous.

"Commander Shepard. Major Alenko," the Admiral greeted, and Shepard turned to look at Kaidan for a second. Kaidan didn't miss the flicker of relief in the Admiral's eyes. Even across light years, he could tell the Admiral was glad Shepard wasn't alone. "I have news from the Crucible."

Kaidan stepped forward, until he was just behind Shepard when she replied. "Of course, Sir; what's the update?"

"Commander, there has been an attack on the Crucible," Hackett announced, his voice quick and firm. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. "Our investigation concluded the attack was facilitated by a Cerberus indoctrinated agent planted within the scientists you rescued." Kaidan heard Shepard swallow. Kaidan's heart raced as he considered the scientists they had sent to the Crucible. "Jacob Taylor was the indoctrinated agent." Shepard flared, but Kaidan only felt it, it wasn't visible. "He managed to plant an explosive device near the plans for the Crucible, as a way to destroy the plans and any chance of us completing it. The belief is that they wanted to destroy the plans, and allow Cerberus to swoop in and commandeer our progress."

"Was he successful?" Shepard asked, her voice low, monotone and with a barely suppressed shake. Kaidan's heart was pounding, his eyes darting from her to the Admiral. He feared what was coming next.

"No," Hackett answered, and shifted. "The plans are safe, however- "

"How many casualties?" she interrupted him, and Hackett stood straighter.

"Half a dozen. The bomb was set to go off while I was working at the station. The best outcome of the attack was to assassinate me, as well as the plans. Seconds before it was set to detonate, Kasumi Goto detected the device. Kahlee Sanders moved in to deactivate it. She was able to save the plans. Ms. Goto, Kasumi, knocked me out of the way before the device went off. There was minimal damage to the Crucible."

"Hackett, Admiral, all due respect, who died?"

"Jacob Taylor, and three of the scientists were killed in the resulting fire. Kasumi Goto succumbed to shrapnel injuries hours later in the med bay, and," Hackett paused, removed his hat and held it behind his back. Kaidan heard Shepard swallow. "Kahlee Sanders was killed instantly in the blast." Kaidan froze, wishing he had heard wrong. "The quick reactions of Ms. Goto and Sanders saved not only myself, but the Alliance's progress in the war. Their sacrifice- "

"Admiral David Anderson is Ms. Sanders' next of kin," Shepard interrupted him, and Hackett, even with his years of experience, was taken aback at the pure ice in her tone. Kaidan was simply waiting for her real reaction. He was primed, ready for it. She was trembling, and her clasped hands behind her back were sheathed in blue. She was barely hanging on to her biotics and Kaidan's heart pounded as he watched her. "Has he been notified?"

"No, not yet," Hackett admitted, simply.

"Very well, I'll tell him," Shepard responded, "Is that all, Sir?" Hackett's eyes flicked to Kaidan.

"Yes, Commander," Hackett answered. Shepard nodded, and cut off the comm. She turned and met Kaidan's eyes. He barely had time to catch her as her knees gave out. He wrapped his arms around her and, instead of pulling her to her feet, he sank to the floor. He pulled her into his lap. She buried her face in his neck and sobbed. Her biotic energy racing over her form. He hushed her, his arms wrapped firmly around her. She was mumbling something, through her tears, and he couldn't make it out. His heart broke for her as she fell apart. He tightened his hold on her, as if he held her tight enough, he could hold her together.

He knew this grief. It burned in his throat and prickled behind his eyes as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

They held each other for a long time before he could understand her whispers. Long after her biotics fizzled out, and her sobs subsided. Long after her trembling stilled and her arms relaxed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault." He didn't think he'd ever be able to convince it wasn't.