Author's Note: Thank you so much to those who have added The Reason to their favorite or follow lists. I am so glad you liked their story and want to come along for the ride. To those who left a review, thank you and I'm sorry if I didn't respond individually. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I appreciate your patience as I get myself back on a sufficient writing schedule. Thank you to Kirabaros, biotictrash, bayanbasri, Schizoid-Freak, Kallie6891, Jules Hawk, Impslave, Kateriel79, Estringe, Vorcha Girl, Kirsah, ela11, and walkerkali. Your words have made me happier than I can say, and I hope you like this next chapter.

Thank you for the support you've given. It means more than I can say. Enjoy! - TLC

Chapter Seventy-Nine

He hadn't expected it, but Kaidan was grateful when he woke the next morning and Shepard was still with him. Granted, he probably would have woken if she tried to get up. He was lying on top of her, his head resting on her chest and his arms heavy on either side of her. He knew she was awake as her hands ran through his hair. He tilted his head and met her eyes. He moved slightly to press a kiss to her lips before returning to his previous position.

"How are you feeling?" She spoke softly and he waited a minute to answer as he considered his aches and pains.

"I'm okay. Head still aches a bit, and my shoulders and neck are stiff still, but I'm much better than last night," he answered, "thank you."

She let out a sigh. They stayed there for another few moments. Kaidan's eyes were closed, and he listened to her heart thumping in her chest. He really could listen to this sound forever. "Kaidan?" He hummed his response without lifting his head. "I have to pee."

He snorted and rolled off of her. She sat up, swinging her legs off the bed and heading towards the bathroom. He watched her go, propping himself up on his elbows. Once the bathroom door closed, he sat up and ran his hands through his hair. It was then he remembered he had to go see Chakwas, and his stomach churned with the knowledge that she would be quite angry with him. It wasn't her anger that made him anxious; it was the disappointment he knew would come with the anger that he didn't want to face.

He heard the shower turn on and used that time to straighten up their quarters and change the bed. He pulled the sheets off and placed them in the laundry receptacle. He'd gone to bed after the mission the night before without showering. Fresh sheets would feel nice. She didn't take long in the shower; he was tucking the blanket in under the mattress when he heard the bathroom door open. He turned and watched as she stepped down the stairs. A towel wrapped around her body, her long hair tangled, hanging down her back and dripping. Her skin was tinted pink from the heat of her shower, and Kaidan thought she looked beautiful. "Your turn." She spoke easily as she pulled out her uniform for the day. "Chakwas is expecting you before breakfast."

He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look at her. "You made me a doctor's appointment?" His tone light and amused.

She cocked an eyebrow at him when she turned. "Not an appointment. I let her know to expect you before your shift started." He shook his head at her and went to shower. It felt good to stand under the hot stream of water. The scent of her body wash, recently used, rose in the steam around him and he inhaled deeply as he washed quickly. He was anxious to get to Chakwas, to finally know what was wrong. To get an answer, and be able to move forward. He took comfort in Shepard's promise, that whatever it was, they would get him the help he needed so he could continue to serve.

He just hoped there was help to be had.

He finished his shower and stepped into their shared space with a towel around his waist. He had expected to find the room empty, and was surprised when he found Sloan at her desk. Fully dressed, hair up, make-up on, and reading messages at her terminal. He rested a hand on her shoulder and kissed the top of her head before he stepped down to dress. He could feel her eyes on him as he dropped the towel and pulled on his BDUs.

She cleared her throat. "As soon as you're dressed we'll head down."

"You're – you're coming with me?" His voice broke as he asked the question.

"Of course," she replied easily, her eyes on her terminal. He hated to admit out loud how terrified he was, which is why he never would have asked her to come with him. Of course she would know. He smiled as he finished getting dressed. He slid on his boots and she stood. They met at the door, and he took her hand. She turned towards him and he cupped her face. He kissed her lightly.

"I love you," he whispered the words with his eyes on hers.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I love you, too." She kissed him again, a gentle press of her lips on his. "Let's go see what's going on in that gorgeous head of yours." She was being lighthearted to keep him thinking positively. It worked, mostly.

Shepard held his hand as they stepped off the elevator. He had half expected her to release her hold as they were both in uniform, and the ship was waking up. He was glad she didn't. As they approached the med bay, his throat dried and he coughed gently to clear it. The door opened and they stepped in. "Major Alenko," Dr. Chakwas's accented tone was clipped and hard as she turned her glaring eyes at him. Her eyes darted to their linked hands before she gestured to his cot. He glanced over at the occupied bed across the room as he made his way over.

"Good morning, Doctor," Kaidan greeted as he sat. He hated the nerves in his own voice, and Shepard squeezed his hand at his words. Shepard pulled up a stool and sat next to him. "What happened to Tali?" Kaidan asked quietly as if speaking louder would bring Chakwas over to him sooner. He nodded his head towards the Quarian and the Turian in the seat by her bed. Shepard's face lit up and she grinned; it was infectious and Kaidan couldn't help but smile with her.

"Garrus kissed her yesterday, on Rannoch." Kaidan's grin spread when Shepard answered him. He thought he remembered a kiss. "He didn't consider the risk of infection." Kaidan felt an instant rush of empathy for the Turian. He'd taken the risk; he'd kissed her, and now she was in the med-bay receiving antibiotics. He chuckled softly and looked to Shepard. "She'll be fine, and I don't think I've ever seen them happier."

Dr. Chakwas interrupted their moment, standing in front of Kaidan with her omni'tool open. "Is there something you want to tell me, Major?" He'd known Dr. Chakwas since he enlisted. She was one of the first doctor's he met with. She understood his L2 as best as a non-specialist could, and she was always honest with him. The look in her eyes, the tone in her voice, and her defensive posture told him how upset she was. He swallowed hard.

"Since Mars, when I use my biotics, I get headaches and my nose bleeds a little," he offered. Shepard tsked, and Kaidan flushed. "Sometimes, when I use my biotics, I'm incapacitated by migraines and I have excessive nosebleeds."

She said nothing, and Kaidan glanced at Shepard who offered him a gentle smile. Dr. Chakwas opened her 'tool and ran a scan over his body. She poked and prodded. She made him stand, bend over, sit, and jump up and down. She listed to him breathing, listened to his heartbeat. She moved behind him and checked his implant. Her body language was angry, rigid and stiff, but her touch was still gentle as she moved her fingers around his amp port. He swallowed hard, his heart racing as she continued his check-up.

She moved back in front of him, and pulled a pen light out of her pocket. "Look at this ear," she ordered tapping the shell of her right ear. She moved the light in front of his eyes. First one, then the other. Her brow creased and she stood straight and opened her 'tool again. She chewed her lip as she considered the information in front of her. She moved back to her desk without saying anything.

Kaidan squeezed Shepard's hand, and she threaded her fingers with his. He swallowed hard and watched as Dr. Chakwas moved back over to him. "I don't think I can clearly put into words how purely, utterly disappointed I am in you, Kaidan." Dr. Chakwas was standing before him, data pad in hand, opposite hand on her hip as she spoke. "I have been your doctor since you enlisted. You have never once kept symptoms from me. Not to mention, you're a medic. You know how important it is that a doctor knows everything. How am I supposed to trust anything you tell me going forward?" Kaidan's eyes dropped to his lap, and he knew his disgrace was in the red of his cheeks. His blood was shame fueled fire as it raced through him.

He hated himself right now. Somehow, lying to Dr. Chakwas was worse that keeping it from Shepard. He couldn't explain it. He opened his mouth to speak, and Dr. Chakwas held her hand up to silence him. "I don't want to hear it." He nodded, and clamped his mouth shut.

"Dr. Chakwas, do you know what's wrong?" Shepard asked, and the Doctor's eyes softened when she looked at her. The doctor sighed softly and turned her attention back to her patient.

"Kaidan, aside from your L2 implant; you have an ocular implant." He nodded. He'd forgotten. He'd had it since he was a child. Surgery to correct vision was an option, but most of the time the eyes weakened again and another surgery was required. The implant was a permanent solution.

"Yeah, so?"

Chakwas sighed and pulled up a stool to sit next to Shepard. "So, when you were attacked on Mars, everyone's attention was on the biotic implant, and the brain swelling. Optic implants are so routine, they're often forgotten about, and I think that's what happened here. The only thing I can find, is that the optic implant was damaged, and has shifted. I believe, when you use your biotics, the optic implant reacts to the electric impulses and causes your brain to swell. The swelling causes the migraines. The nosebleeds are my concern. As your brain swells around the implant, it's damaging the blood vessels and the brain tissue around the implant." Kaidan squeezed Shepard's hand, and she ran her thumb over his knuckles.

"The damage is minor now, mostly to the vessels," She paused, and her eyes bore into his. "Understand that if this continued, the damage you'd be inflicting on yourself would be the same as a lobotomy."

"What do we do now?" He asked, his voice thick with equal parts indignity and fear.

"I'm going to remove the implant." Chakwas spoke simply. "You'll be shipside until you can get to the Citadel to have the implant replaced."

"That's it? Just … take out the implant, and I'll be fine?" Kaidan asked.

"Well, you'll still have to deal with migraines as you did before the injury. Your vision will be impaired until we get to the Citadel, and I'll want you to follow up with Dr. O'Connor just to be sure, but yes. You should be fine," Kaidan sighed, feeling an intense sense of relief wash over him. Tears filled his eyes and his hold on Shepard's hand tightened. She lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to his hand. "Kaidan, this absolutely cannot happen again. You have to tell me if there is something wrong. I asked you, specifically, and you lied. You may outrank me out there," she pointed to the mess, "but you leave your rank at the door. I am in charge here. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he answered, with a nod.

Chakwas took a deep breath and stood. She placed a hand on his shoulder briefly. "Lie back. I'll have to put you under to remove the implant. Commander, it will take about an hour, and then he'll have to sleep off the anesthesia. I'll alert you when he wakes." Dr. Chakwas moved away from his cot, to the back of the room to get supplies. Kaidan knew this was a dismissal, and he looked at Shepard. She stood and he swung his legs up onto the bed.

"Don't you have to strip and put on one of those sexy gowns?" she asked as she leaned over and kissed his forehead. He chuckled softly, squeezing her hand. She pulled back, and pressed her forehead to his. "We got lucky, Kaidan. No more secrets, okay?" He nodded. "Whatever happens, we face it together." He nodded again. She kissed him, and he released her hand to cup her face. Her tongue teased his lips, and he opened them for her. Dr. Chakwas cleared her throat and Shepard pulled away from him smiling. "I'll see you when you wake up, alright?" she promised and he nodded, swallowing thickly. She pressed one more, small kiss to his lips. "I love you."

He grinned, "I love you, too." She pulled away and took two steps backwards before turning on her heel. His eyes remained locked on her as she left. Dr. Chakwas laid back the cot, draping a sterile cloth over his body and starting an IV. She placed the mask over his face and told him to breathe deeply.

"It's not fair. She can kiss him and they don't need antibiotics," Tali's trill rang out in the room. Garrus's rolling chuckle was the last thing Kaidan heard before the drugs took him under.

Shepard was on a call with Tevos when he woke a few hours later. He left Chakwas once she allowed him. She left him with another terse word about honesty and disappointment. He knew he had to do something to make it up to her, but he didn't know what. He would have to figure it out. He ignored the looks he got as he walked from the med bay to the elevator. He knew he had to look odd. He just hoped they'd be able to get to the Citadel sooner rather than later.

He checked the time as he reached their quarters. It was later, dinner had come and gone. He'd eaten in the med bay before Chakwas had let him go. He sighed, stretching and stood at the top of the stairs for a moment. He was on medical restriction. There was nothing he could do at this point. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. He pulled the covers over his legs and opened his omni-tool to send a message to his mom. He also checked into some reports and the war effort's numbers.

He wasn't sure how much time had gone by but he was startled slightly when the door opened. Shepard walked into the room. Her eyes landed on him, and he watched as the smile pulled her lips and her eyes brightened. He felt himself blushing, and he closed his 'tool and let his hands drop to his lap. She pulled the pins from her hair and shook it out, her eyes staying on him with the smile still on her lips. She looked beautiful, and if it was because of his current accessory he'd gladly keep them as long as he could. He shifted in his spot as she stripped to her briefs and pulled on one of his t-shirts. He had to admit, he loved seeing her in his clothes.

She walked over to him, and he pushed the black plastic frames up to rest higher on the bridge of his nose. She climbed on to the bed with him, straddling his lap. Her hands running from his shoulders to his chest and back. She leaned forward and moved her lips to his ear. His hands gripped her hips. "I've never kissed a guy in glasses before."

He chuckled, a low rumble from his chest, and she pulled back and pressed her lips to his. He opened his mouth to her instantly. Their tongues danced as their breathing sharpened and their arms tightened around each other. She rolled her hips against him and he groaned lightly, his hands running up her back then tangling in her hair holding her close. He tugged gently and her head fell back. She let out a soft sigh and his teeth and tongue worked the tender flesh of her neck. "Shit, if I knew guys with glasses kissed like this I would have found one sooner."

He laughed against her and rolled, pinning her beneath him. His glasses slipped slightly down his nose. "I have to wear them until I can get the Optic implant replaced. I can't do that until we get to the Citadel. I'm inactive until I'm free of glasses." He brushed his nose against hers. His glasses smudged against part of her face and he sighed. He reached up and removed the glasses. He set them on the nightstand and when he looked back down at her she was pouting.

"Well, good news is we're on our way to the Citadel."

"What for?"

"I spoke with Tevos and she has something dire she must speak with me about but it has to be in person." She let out a long, frustrated sigh. "As if I'm not fighting some kind of war out here."

He kissed her lips quickly. "Why the pout?"

"Well, you'll get the implant and then there won't be a gorgeous guy in glasses waiting in bed for me at the end of the day," she answered, an exaggerated tone of sadness in her voice. Kaidan chuckled warmly and dropped his lips to hers. She sighed, and he felt it against his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he teased her lips open. She shifted beneath him, making room for him to settle between her legs. His hands slid down her sides to her waist. He moved them beneath her shirt, lifting it as he caressed her skin.

She whimpered, her nails digging in his back. She arched her back and pressed her body to his. He tossed her – his t-shirt to the floor and his mouth began to follow its favorite path down her body. He listened to her, her breathing soft and shallow, gentle moans, and breathless sighs music to his ears. Goddamn, how long had it been?

They took their time, touching and tasting. He brought her to her peak more than once before he finished. He slipped from her, moving down and resting his head over her chest, listening to her heartbeat slow, and calm. Her hands were carding his hair, and he sighed deeply. "I love you, Kaidan Alenko." His breath caught in his throat and he lifted his head to meet her eyes. "I just, it does feel good to say it, and I guess I have some catching up to do." He moved back up and kissed her feeling a lightness in his chest. "I love you," she answered to his kiss. She cupped his face and repeated the phrase over and over as she placed chaste kisses to his cheeks and nose.

He laughed softly, burying his face in her neck and placing a kiss to her collar bone before he shifted off her. He pulled her to him, her back against his chest and his arms around her. Their fingers threaded together and they enjoyed the silence.

There were moments, like this, when he could almost forget what was going on in the universe. He could almost forget about the war, and the risk to her, and him. Almost. He still held her tight, and listened to her breathing. He could feel her heartbeat where her back was pressed to him. He held her, and let himself live in this moment.