Author's Note: I want to offer my apologies for the extended wait for this chapter. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your patience if you're still interested in this fic. I could sit here and make excuses, but the truth of the matter is that Life demanded my attention and my writing had to fall to a back burner. I am hoping things will settle within the coming weeks, but rest assured I *will* without a doubt *absolutely* be finishing this story. I refuse to let it fall to the side as one of those fics that got so close to the end only to be abandoned. Kaidan and Sloan simply mean too much to me for that to happen. As do all of you.

Thank you for your continued support.

To those who reviewed the last chapter: Jules Hawk, Smileyyuffie, Kirabaros, Kynlei, Impslave, Vorcha Girl, HeroInTraining, HerrMoro, Kirsah, and ela11 words do not suffice. Thank you.

With no further delay... Enjoy. - TLC

Chapter Eighty-Seven

"Ready to get out of here?" Dr. Chakwas greeted as she breezed into Kaidan's room the following afternoon. Shepard had left before the nurses brought breakfast around. She was supposed to be in her own room and thought it would be better they weren't found sharing a bed in the hospital. Kaidan had teased about Spectre authority, but she insisted this didn't count. He'd watched her go, brimming with happiness that she was okay. When she'd stopped at the door and turned to make eye contact again, he'd laughed softly. He'd almost lost her. Again. Yet, again, there she stood.

"You have no idea," he answered as she reached his bedside and ran the necessary scans. She frowned, and Kaidan's chest tightened. "What?"

"You're taking the next few days off, yes?" she asked simply, closing her tool and reaching out to feel his amp. He nodded. "Good. I want you to take it easy during leave, and I want to see you before you return to the Normandy." He agreed, and she cupped his cheek making eye contact. She smiled, and Kaidan thought he saw a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. He reached up and held her wrist for a moment. She patted his face before pulling her hand away. "Dr. O'Connor and I will be back to see you for one final check in about an hour. If he clears you, we'll be all set to let you go." Kaidan nodded, and thanked her.

When Chakwas turned to leave, he spotted Shepard at the door to his room and couldn't stop the smile from spreading over his face. Her casual stance and civilian dress hinted to him that she'd already been discharged and he was anxious to leave with her. Shepard thanked Chakwas as they crossed paths, briefly taking the doctor's hand before reaching his bedside. She leaned down and kissed him gently. She tasted like spearmint and smelled like home. "How are you feeling today?" she asked as her hand slid into his and she pulled the stool to the bedside.

"Like a million credits," he answered with a chuckle. "Ready to get out of here." His admission was met with a soft, hopeful smile. "How are you?"

"I've already been released. We're just waiting on you, Major," she answered grinning. Her eyes were bright with anticipation. It seemed as if she was as excited for their break as he was. "The Normandy's in dry dock." She made the declaration as if she could read his mind. "I've already called the grocer to stock the kitchen at Anderson's." He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I should warn you that a lot of the crew have mentioned wanting to get together during the break, to spend some down time together."

"Well, that's expected. As long as I get you to myself in the evenings," he added through his grin and Sloan laughed, that bright rich laugh that rang out from her chest. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. He held the back of her head and her lips parted for him. His hand tangled in her hair and a soft moan slipped from the back of her throat.

If either one of them heard the door to his room open, neither acknowledged it. It wasn't until a throat cleared behind Shepard that they finally separated. Shepard dropped her head, licking her lips, and Kaidan pressed a kiss to her forehead. Kaidan's eyes landed on Vega as Shepard stayed where she was, her breath dancing over his neck. "Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

"Lola asked me to stop by; she wanted to go over the rest of the mission before our leave officially started," Vega explained, and Shepard let out a long, slow breath before pulling back and releasing Kaidan's hand.

"Kaidan, you're the only one who knows what happened down there," she reminded him, and Kaidan nodded, swallowing hard. He took a deep breath and went over everything Leviathan had said, that they had created the reapers and started the cycle, that they had watched as the reapers returned at the end of every cycle to wipe everything clean. He told them Leviathan said this cycle was different, and that they would watch and fight with them when they were ready. Kaidan noticed the spark in Shepard's eye when he confirmed Leviathan would fight.

He left out that she made the cycle different. The last thing she needed was added pressure.

"What happened once I got back to the surface?" Kaidan asked, and Vega stepped forward.

"Scars and I were taking heavy fire from Reaper troops. We were being held down by a couple of brutes and Esteban couldn't get the shuttle going enough to get us off the ship. Once your mech came back up and spit you out… damn Viejo you looked like death and scared the shit out of all of us." Vega paused and Shepard's hand took Kaidan's again before the Lieutenant continued. "The brutes, we can't explain it but, they turned on each other. There was a pulse that made the ship shudder and gave Scars and me enough time to get you to the shuttle. Esteban took off, and we got you to Chakwas on the Normandy as quick as we could."

"Good work, Lieutenant," Shepard commented and Kaidan nodded. James stood a bit taller, his lips pulled into a barely-there smile. "So, it was worth it then. We have their help, and if they created the Reapers, they should be able to get rid of them, too."

"They … it? … seemed fairly smug when I spoke to it. It was quite… unnerving. It was like it spoke directly into my mind," Kaidan explained. He could still remember the cold sensation of the outside presence prickling in his consciousness. He wondered if that's what an Asari meld felt like, or maybe the Prothean beacons. The look on Shepard's face was one of understanding and Kaidan let out a quick breath as the realization of her continued discomfort dawned on him. How many times had she been subjected to that torture?

Shepard drew Kaidan's attention back to the present when she dismissed Vega. He nodded as the door sighed open behind him. Chakwas breezed in with Dr. O'Connor on her heels. "Alright, Lola, dinner at your place?" he asked as he started walking backwards to the door.

"Not tonight, Vega, but soon," she promised and Vega grinned, winking at the pair as he left. Kaidan met Shepard's eyes and they shared a gentle laugh. Shepard stepped back, allowing room for the doctors to crowd around Kaidan's bed. Kaidan stifled a sigh as he was poked and prodded by some of the best doctors, with the coldest hands, that credits could buy. Shepard crossed her arms over her chest as she waited. Her foot tapping and chewing on her lip.

"I see no residual effects from the decompression sickness," Chakwas started and Kaidan moved his gaze to Dr. O'Connor.

The biotic specialist continued, "There is no swelling, no bruising, everything looks good." Dr. O'Connor confirmed, and Chakwas nodded. Kaidan found Shepard's smiling face and the relief made him lightheaded. Chakwas and O'Connor left the room after warning him to take advantage of leave and rest. He was distracted, however, by Shepard. She looked positively radiant. Her excitement and happiness shown bright in the way she looked at him.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Kaidan said through his grin, as he tossed the blankets off his lap and moved to find his clothes. Shepard laughed and helped him gather his things as he dressed quickly. Before they left the room, he paused and just watched her. She pulled his bag over her shoulder and stopped when she noticed him.

"What?" She blushed as she questioned him.

"You're beautiful," he stated simply and she rolled her eyes as she closed the distance between them.

"Flattery will get you … everywhere, Alenko," she teased as she stood on her toes and kissed his lips soundly.

"Everywhere, huh?" Kaidan asked through a grin, his hands sliding over her hips. She nodded, tilting her head and placing kisses over his pulse point. "Even into your pants?"

She snorted against his neck. "Absolutely," she paused pulling back to look him in the eyes, "Absolutely into my pants." He caught her hand in his and they turned to leave. She weaved her fingers with his as he led her out to the nurse's station. "I wonder what Javik's doing here," Shepard commented as Kaidan signed out. His tunnel-vision almost caused him to miss the Prothean, but he looked up and spotted him talking with Miranda.

He was caught a bit off guard by the pair. He hadn't even realized Javik and Miranda had met. He watched the for a moment as he considered what business the alien would have with the operative. When Javik turned his yellow eyes on Kaidan, he couldn't help but feel as if he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. He shrugged it off, and glanced down when Shepard waved. "Let's go," Kaidan said, tugging her hand and leading her towards the transit station.

There was something about the way Javik had looked at her; it made Kaidan uneasy and he couldn't place why. He forced it from his mind as the transit car pulled up and he took his bag from Shepard, and continued to hold her hand as she climbed in. Her smile that greeted him as he settled next to her warmed him, and forced all thoughts of Javik from his mind. She entered the address and he wrapped his arm around her. She snuggled into his side, draping her arm over his chest. "So, I was thinking we'd order in and watch a vid or something tonight. Just the two of us, nice and quiet." He looked down and found her head tilted and her face near his. He kissed her quickly.

"Sounds perfect." She grinned, and he watched for a second as the artificial lights danced over her face. He felt like the war was a million miles away, and he knew it – she – was exactly what he needed. She turned her attention to her 'tool, the orange light casting a warm glow over her features. When he questioned her, she explained if she ordered the food now, it would meet them at the apartment.

"Smart woman; no wonder I keep you around," he teased, and she snorted.

It didn't take long for them to arrive at Andersons, and they were quick about getting into the apartment. Shepard even pulled her hood up over her head. The Strip housing Anderson's apartment building was always busy, and the last thing they wanted right now was to be recognized. If the press found out she was here, they'd never leave them alone. Their food was being delivered as the reached the door. Kaidan paid and they headed into the building. The spicy scent of the Chinese food floated around them.

Once they were in the apartment proper, she dropped his bag and pulled off the hoodie as he set the food in the living room in near the fireplace. "I had your stuff from the ship brought here, too. I hope you don't mind," he followed her into her room. He leaned against the doorway and watched as she stripped down to her bra and briefs. His eyes roamed over her skin as she moved around the room. He looked for remaining injuries, bruises or scrapes, and found none. She opened a bag, hers, and pulled out a t-shirt, his. She pulled it over her head and grinned at him as it settled on her. He chuckled stepping closer to her. His hands went to her hips and she let hers rest on his chest.

He leaned down and kissed her. He spoke with his lips brushing hers. "But did you bring any of it for me?"

"I did, but I'm thinking we won't need it very long," she kissed him then. Her hands fisted in his shirt and she stood on her toes. She tasted sweet – spearmint – and he didn't want to let her go. His grip on her waist tightened, his fingers digging possessively into her skin. She hummed against his lips before ending the kiss. "We have all night," her reminder was gentle, and punctuated by the rumble of her stomach. "I'm starving," she insisted, pulling away from him and sauntering from the room. He watched her go, grinning, before he dug through his bag for something more comfortable to wear for their evening in.

He found her sitting cross legged on the couch, waiting for him. She had the dinner boxes open, she'd grabbed plates and beer and was waiting for him to dig in. He fell onto the couch next to her, and they filled their plates. She shifted to lean against the arm rest at the opposite end of the couch. Her feet rested in his lap.

He loved this, and it had been too long since they'd had an opportunity to shed the Commander and Major titles and just be Kaidan and Sloan. He'd missed it. He missed how easy it was for them, how snugly they fit into each other's everyday. He watched as she ate with single minded focus, and he felt it in his chest when she looked up at him. Her lips greasey from dinner, and her eyes bright. She smiled, using a napkin to wipe at her face. There was a very real heat in his chest; a comfortable burning, like embers in a fire, constant and bright regardless of how high the flame was in the moment. It would always burn. "What?" she asked.

"I love you," he answered simply as the heat rose in his chest.

Her face softened, and she smiled. "I love you, too." He would never tire of hearing her say those words. He gave her a smile and they returned to their meal. She finished first and moved closer to him. Her hand found its way into his hair. She slowly ran her fingers through his curls. He needed to get it cut, he knew that, it was barely regulation at this point. "You have grey hair," she stated as if he didn't know, and he chuckled as he finished his food.

He leaned forward to place his empty dish on the table and her hand fell from his head. "Yes, and I've named them after their cause – Shepard." She snorted and punched his arm lightly, but before she could pull away from him but he caught her wrist and tugged, pulling her into his lap. Her legs stretched out on the couch before her as his arms wrapped around her. She looked to his hair again, teasing the silver streaks at his temples.

"They look good on you," she complimented softly and her eyes grew sad, glistening with her fear. "I'm glad I got the chance to see—"

He silenced her with a kiss. She gasped softly, trembling as she wrapped her arms around him. She allowed him to deepen the kiss and he groaned into her mouth. He couldn't let her finish the thought out loud. It sounded too defeated, and that's not what this leave was for. This leave was for them, for positivity, for hope. He shifted, sliding his arm beneath her knees he stood, bringing her with him. She pulled her lips from his and buried her face in his neck. He hated the tears that slicked his skin as he carried her. He reached the bedroom and Threw the bags off the bed. She gasped at the unexpected rush of biotics.

He settled her on the bed, and she held her arms out for him. He accepted her embrace, her legs tangling with his as he held his weight on his elbows. His arms around her. Her fingers traced the features of his face as her eyes followed. It was still hard for him to believe sometimes, that she cared for him the way he did for her, but then she would look at him like this and there was no question. Her fingers traced his lips, and he dropped his head kissing her again.

She shifted beneath him, rolling her hips slowly and he groaned as his kiss moved to her jaw and neck. She tugged at his shirt and he pushed away from her for a moment. Sitting up, he reached over his head and pulled the shirt over and off before returning to her. Her hands gripped his back as his kiss traveled along her neck. His hand slid up her thigh and beneath the shirt. Her warm silk soft skin trembled beneath his calloused touch. A shuddering moan was his reward. He pushed the shirt up and she did what she could to help him remove it.

Pressed skin to skin and mouth to mouth, there was nothing else that mattered in the moment. Nothing but the points of contact and the sensation of touch. Nothing but the beating of their hearts and the brush of breath against overheated skin. They took their time. They sought out every spot they knew would bring a reaction. Every trick experience taught them was played. Every gentle caress or stroke brought the expected response.

They took turns teasing and pleasing. She brought him up to his highest point only to let him settle without cresting. It was the sweetest torture and he would endure for as long as he could. He'd brought her over once already, and when her legs wrapped around his waist and he filled her with one sure thrust the string of needy curses told him she was ready again.

There was nothing sweeter than coming home. It didn't even matter where they were - Anderson's apartment, their cabin on the Normandy, the drive core, a hotel room in Vancouver – this moment, so intimately connected with her, was home. He knew if he lost this, he'd be lost until he took his last breath. As he moved inside her, and she clung to him and begged for more, he pleaded with destiny, with the galaxy, with any diety that would listen, to allow them to survive. To allow them to win and be together in a world free from this threat.

She called out his name when she peaked again, a broken prayer on her lips. The feel of her tightening around him sent him over and he cursed as he followed her into that sweet oblivion. The room lit bright blue and he kissed her long and slow as their breathing settled. He slipped from her and shifted lower, settling his head over her heartbeat he listened, counting the beats of her heart, trying to forget what a flatline alarm sounded like.

His hands roamed over her sweat slicked, glistening skin, and that was the moment he noticed it: her newest scar. A long, thin, oddly smooth slice of bright pink just under her heart. Leng's blade. The wound that should have killed her. The wound that did kill her, that took her from him again. Tears spilled from his eyes before he had a chance to try to stop it. His body shook with the weight of it. The fear, the grief, the disbelief. How many times could she come back to him? He didn't want to find out. She was whispering to him, shushing him with wordless sounds. Her hands stroking through his damp hair. "I'm here… I'm right here… I've got you… I'm not going anywhere." She spoke the words but he knew, he knew, it wasn't something she could promise.

But he wanted her to be able to promise him; he wanted her to believe. If she did, maybe he could. Hiding from the reality wasn't going to change it. He lifted his head and kissed her. It was a needy kiss, long and demanding, and when he took her again it was with a desperation matched by her own. Her nails dug into his back, breaking the skin. The sharp pain bringing their reality into focus. He gripped her hips hard enough to bruise, but her skin weave kept any damage from showing. Gasping through their climax, he dropped his forehead to her collar. Her hands slowly stroking along his back, comforting him without words.

He slipped from her and rolled to his side. She followed, tucking her head in against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as their legs twisted together, a coccoon against the night. He held her. He knew, he knew, he couldn't protect her out there. He couldn't do what she could do. He was good, but he wasn't Shepard. He couldn't take her place, he couldn't take a killing blow for her. But here, here, here he could hold her. He could wrap her in his arms and know that at least in this moment she was safe, and she would be here when he woke up. He knew that, he knew that, even without her promising him.