Author's Note: Wow. Well, my life has been shit lately. If you're following me on tumblr, you know about the car accident that totaled my car. I'm okay, but still healing. I apologize for the time this chapter took, but it's finally here... Chapter 90. I can't ... wow. Okay. Thank you to those who have favorite or followed since the last update. An extra thank you to those who reviewed on the last chapter: AmoldineShepard, citadelsushi, Jules Hawk, Vorcha Girl, Stryper, Impslave, Zacharti, HeroInTraining, Kirsah... Thank you! Your reviews not only kept me motivated, but helped me feel better as I dealt with the fallout of ... everything.

Thank you! With no more from me... enjoy! - TLC

Chapter Ninety

It was the chime of Sloan's omni'tool that woke Kaidan the next morning. As he woke, he slowly became aware of her body snug against his. Her back to his chest, and his arms around her. Her rear set soundly against his hips. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder and she stirred against him. He felt the moment she became alert. Her body tensed and she rolled to her back. He shifted to give her space and propped himself up on his elbow to watch her. She opened her 'tool, squinting at the light, and reading the message.

Kaidan tugged at the sheet, exposing her chest, his eyes roamed over the swell of her breasts and the planes of her abdomen. When he looked back to her face, she was smirking and watching him. "See something you like, Alenko?"

He grinned, leaning over and placing a row of kisses over her neck and collarbone. "Just my favorite place to spend a day," he let the stubble of his cheek brush against the curve of her breast and she breathed a laugh.

"Well, today is not that day," she mumbled, and he felt the weight of his disappointment tug at his face as he pulled back to look at her. She chuckled softly, reaching out and cupping his cheek. "Normandy's ready for inspection. Joker, Adams, and I have to walk through and then leave's over." Kaidan sighed and pulled back, supporting himself on an elbow. Her hand dropped to the bed between them. He watched her eyes move over his face. Her voice was soft, quiet even, almost timid, when she continued. "I'm thinking we'll head out first thing tomorrow morning. I have a report from Traynor. She has a lead on Leng." At the mention of the assassin, Kaidan's eyes darted to her scar. His hand seemed to move on its own; his fingertips dancing over the mark that almost took her from him. She covered his hand and held it there. He met her eyes with a sigh.

Talk of Leng was enough to chill the room and twist Kaidan's stomach in knots. Kaidan fell onto his back and Sloan moved to rest her head on his shoulder. Silence filled the room for a handful of heartbeats. Then, Sloan took a deep breath and placed a kiss to his chest before sitting up. He watched her, one hand behind his head, the other on the rapidly cooling sheet she'd vacated. She shook out her hair as she stood, and he watched the gentle curls dance down her back. She grabbed her bathrobe before padding from the room. Once she disappeared, he looked to the ceiling before closing his eyes. He had the overwhelming sensation that this was the end. Not of their leave, though it was that, but of everything. There was a finality that settled in his chest when he thought about their next steps that made him feel like everything was suddenly moving too fast.

In an attempt to stop the anxiety that came with those thoughts before they started, he dragged himself from bed. Knowing her she'd be heading out to complete the walkthrough first thing. That way she could let the crew know tonight was their last night before it was too late. He heard the shower turn on as he pulled sweatpants on, tying the waist loose before picking his t-shirt up off the floor and pulling it over his head. He made his way to the kitchen, starting the coffee. He decided to wait for food for Sloan, so he could make her what she wanted.

As he fixed his mug of coffee, a call came through the apartment's comm link. He brought his coffee with him to the living room, answering the comm. "Admiral!" Anderson's face filled the screen above the fireplace. Kaidan shouldn't have been surprised to see him, but he was.

"Kaidan, I see you managed to convince Sloan to take a break," Anderson inquired, and Kaidan nearly winced at the sheer exhaustion that rang out in the man's voice. He looked worn down, haggard. To say he looked exhausted was not enough. He looked defeated, and that set a fire of worry in his core.

"It was more than me, really, Dr. Chakwas had a lot do to with it," Kaidan admitted, setting down his coffee and standing straighter. The image on the screen flickered before him and a loud rumble sounded in the distance. Kaidan reached up and scratched the back of his neck. "I should go get Sloan; she'll be disappointed if she misses the chance to see you."

"In a minute," Anderson said, his gaze bore into Kaidan. He swallowed hard. They shouldn't be taking this break. Here they were relaxing on the Citadel, in an apartment, with a warm bed, and any food they wanted, with an opportunity to leave their guns and the war behind. Yet, Anderson, and everyone else on Earth and the countless planets already taken by the Reapers, were in a constant fight. He wanted more than anything to end it for them. His gut twisted uncomfortably. "How is she?"

Kaidan let out a breath and sat on the arm of the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's exhausted, but determined. She forgets to eat, she puts everything before herself. She almost died," Kaidan watched Anderson's reaction. The Admiral's lack of response told Kaidan he knew about the attack already. "If it hadn't been for the Cerberus implants…," Kaidan paused, his voice sticking in his throat and Anderson nodded.

"Well, I never thought I'd have another reason to be thankful for Cerberus but here we are," Anderson spoke with a sigh. "How are you, Kaidan?"

"Me, sir?" Kaidan asked, his voice breaking. He could count on one hand the number of times Anderson had called him by his first name,

Anderson chuckled. "Look, Kaidan, I'm an old man. I never had a family, never had children, but since she was sixteen I've had Sloan. She's been my family, like a kid sister or … at times, even like a daughter." Anderson paused and his eyes narrowed as he considered Kaidan. Kaidan felt the weight of his gaze. "What I'm saying is I've known about the two of you for longer than even she knows." Anderson laughed and Kaidan knew it had to be in response to the look on Kaidan's face. "Back on the SR-1, she had a bit of a heart to heart with Kahlee one night. Well, Kahlee and I had no secrets so, she told me, too. I watched the two of you over the course of the mission against Saren. You maintained a level of decorum I respected. It was clear you would put the mission first, so I stayed silent."

"At her memorial?" Kaidan asked, his heart lurching at the thought of that day. He assumed he would always have that reaction to those memories.

"At her memorial, I realized just how deeply you felt for her. So, I watched you since she couldn't. I monitored your career, pushed in certain places and pulled back in others. When I grew concerned over the types of missions you were taking, I did what I had to do to have you reassigned. By then, the rumors had started, that she was alive," Anderson paused, tilting his head in consideration as Kaidan digested his words.

"You sent me to Horizon," Kaidan stated, and Anderson nodded.

"I did. I admit, I was surprised you didn't go with her, but then I realized I shouldn't have been. I knew they type of soldier you are, the kind of man you are, and I shouldn't have been surprised you wouldn't align yourself with Cerberus – even if I wanted you to."

"I wasn't in a place to believe, to accept that it was her," Kaidan offered, and Anderson held up a hand.

"I know how difficult it was for me, I can hardly imagine what that was like for you. She holds no hard feelings and neither do I. Look, Kaidan, I'm … I'm an old man," Anderson paused, and Kaidan wanted to reassure him, he wanted to tell Anderson that they would make it through this but they both knew there was no way to be sure of anything. Kaidan remained silent. "You're not the first person to fall in love with Commander Shepard," Anderson stated simply. Kaidan started to interject, but Anderson held up a hand. "It's easy to do, and I've seen it happen more times than I can count, more times than even she's aware of. You are, however, the first person I've seen fall in love with Sloan. It's even easier to fall in love with her, but that is not something I have seen before."

Kaidan felt his eyes sting with unshed tears, he cleared his throat and dropped his gaze. "Admiral-"

"David."

"David," Kaidan looked up and met Anderson's stare. "I do, love her, I mean, and I promise you I will do everything I can to make sure she is as prepared as she can be for whatever she has to face, and she'll never have to face it alone." Anderson nodded, but said nothing else. It was hard for Kaidan to tell over the comm, but his eyes seemed a bit wetter than usual. "I should go get her; she'll never forgive me if she misses a chance to see you," Kaidan insisted softly, and Anderson nodded. Kaidan turned to head to the bathroom, ignoring Anderson as he reached up and wiped his eyes.

She had just stepped out of the shower and was wrapping the robe around her, tying it closed as Kaidan opened the door. She picked up a towel and brought it to her hair as she turned to him, smiling a gentle smile. "You're late if you were looking to join me."

"David's on the comm for you." She pushed him out of the way as she moved through the doorway. He followed her, slowly, giving them a few minutes alone. By the time he reached her, both she and Anderson had tears in their eyes. Kaidan slid his arm around her, his hand resting on her hip, and she leaned into him. "It's so good to see you, David. You look… good," her pause said more than her words, and Anderson laughed.

"I look like roadkill, I know, but it feels good to see you okay," Anderson said. They spent the next few minutes talking business, positioning and plans. "Hackett says construction of the Crucible is nearing a standstill. We need the catalyst before we can move forward," Anderson scrubbed his hands over his face, and Shepard glanced at Kaidan.

"We didn't get it on Thessia, but we think we have a way to trace Leng." Regret laced her tone, at failing Thessia, at losing the data, at losing to Leng.

"I'm going to kill him." The words left Kaidan on their own, but as soon as they were out Kaidan knew they were true. The image of Sloan's scar was seared into his mind. Anderson nodded, and Sloan looked up at him, concern bright in her eyes. Anderson's attention was caught by something out of their view.

"I have to go, duty calls," Anderson explained and Shepard's breath grew short as she nodded. "Godspeed, you two."

"I'm coming back for you, as soon as I can, David," she promised, and he smiled with a nod. The comm cut out and the screen went black. Sloan turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. He folded himself around her, holding her as close to him as he could get her. "How much time have we wasted sitting here? Sitting here where it's warm and comfortable and stocked with food," she pulled back. Her hands fisted his shirt over his chest. "He's out there fighting day in and day out with nothing but the clothes on his back and we're … what? Taking a vacation?"

"Sloan, you were dead a week ago. I almost died during the Leviathan mission. This wasn't a vacation. This was medically necessary. I hate that he's out there, but you know as well as I do that if we're going to make it back to him we need to heal. The Normandy needs maintenance or she'll stop flying and then we're good for nothing. Anderson understands that, it sucks, it's not fair, but he understands," Kaidan promised her smoothing her hair out of her face. She sighed and dropped her forehead to his chest.

"We need to get back to him, back to Earth, as soon as we can," she insisted, "I don't want to lose him, too."

"I know, Sloan, and we will," he promised, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. "We will." He felt just as guilty as she did; he hated sitting here in Anderson's house with Anderson's coffee and Sloan while Anderson fought on Earth, but they each had their roles to play in the war and this is what needed to be done. It didn't make it easier.

Kaidan squeezed her hand in reply. "How about breakfast before your walkthrough?" he asked, leading her to the kitchen. She nodded as she perched herself on a stool and watched as Kaidan moved around the kitchen. He poured her a coffee before turning to the fridge to start the meal. Kaidan placed a bowl of chopped fruit in front of her with a fork as he started the eggs and bacon.

The rest of the morning went by far too quickly. The Normandy was ready, perfect condition, really, and the disappointment that flashed between Shepard and Joker as they departed the ship said plenty. Their leave was over, and it was time to return to work. Shepard sent out the message calling everyone back to the ship at 0400 to depart by 0500. Joker dug his hands deep in his pockets after nodding to Kaidan and turning to leave, his head down.

When Kaidan turned back to Shepard, he found her leaning on the railing, supporting herself with her forearms as her gaze stayed locked on the Normandy. He watched her for a moment, memorizing the way she looked in the station's daylight. She still looked tired, but he felt like fatigue would cling to them until the war was over. It didn't matter how long their leave was. She was too thin, still or again he wasn't sure. Not that it mattered. He sighed, moving next to her, he copied her stance. She turned and met his eyes, smiling briefly before looking back to the ship.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked gently.

She glanced at him, her eyes smiling though her lips remained still. "This one evening before I shipped out, I met this gorgeous Lieutenant in an amp shop," she started, unable to hold back her smile; it tugged at the corners of her mouth. Kaidan chuckled, his hand moving over the small of her back to her hip and pulling her in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let his chin rest on her shoulder. "Changed my life, he did."

Her words ignited a fire in his chest and his throat dried. He pressed a kiss to her neck. "It's been… a hell of a ride," he spoke the words against her skin. Her hands covered his and their fingers zipped together. "If you could go back, would you change anything?" he spoke the words quietly, almost fearful of the answer.

She turned just enough to look at him. "I wouldn't have waited for you to kiss me." He chuckled, and kissed her soundly. "You?"

"I would have kissed you sooner." She laughed then, loud and from her center, and he grinned as he watched her face brighten for the first time in months. She turned in his arms, letting her hands slide up his arms and wrapping around his neck. He watched as her eyes moved over his face; her fingers teasing the short hairs at the back of his head. He shuddered as she neared his amp port. The smile slowly disappeared from her face.

"Take me home," she demanded quietly, an anxious tremble in her voice. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt as she pressed herself closer to him. His arms tightening around her. "I don't want to look at or talk to anyone but you for the next twelve hours."

He dropped his head; his lips brushing her ear as he spoke. "Can I put you to bed?" He felt her tremble at his words and the huskiness in his voice.

The heat in her eyes and the smirk on her lips sent his heart racing. "Alenko, if you don't, I'll throw you out the airlock." He laughed and his lips brushed hers for a second before he pulled away, releasing her and grasping her hand. He heard the disappointed whimper as it slipped through her unkissed lips and he chuckled as he led her to the transit station.

It didn't take long for them to lock themselves away and indulge in each other. They took their time. When they made love, it was fast and desperate, before it was slow and easy. When he heard her stomach growling, he ordered food instead of cooking for her. Kaidan didn't want to spend a second not completely focused on her. When dinner was delivered, they ate in bed. Kaidan laughed when Sloan complained about the crumbs in the sheets. She hit him with a pillow. They wrestled, naked, falling off the bed when they got tangled in the sheets. They laughed as they kissed. Her eyes locked on his as she gripped his hands. His heart fluttered when tears filled her eyes. She held him close, her nails breaking his skin, and he hated the uncertainty he felt in her kiss.

They slept, holding each other tight as they tried to keep their nightmares at bay.

When they woke, too early, the following morning, they allowed themselves the luxury of showering together. They washed each other's backs. Kaidan could almost see her missing scars. Het took his time washing her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her. He reveled in the feel of her strong hands as they moved over his back. He loved the way she touched him; like he was special. They dressed quickly, pulling on their BDUs. Before they left, he did make her breakfast. One last meal in the apartment before they returned to the rations on the Normandy. She'd be restocked, but still, Kaidan knew Sloan would leave the good stuff for the crew; so, he made her breakfast.

As they left, she slid her hand in his, before pulling her bag higher on her shoulder. She stopped at the threshold and turned to look back into the apartment. She kept her head down and her eyes off him. His stomach rolled as anxiety bloomed in his core. With a gentle touch beneath her chin, he lifted her head so he could meet her eyes. He whispered her name, and she rolled her eyes at herself, wiping her cheeks with her free hand. He cupped her face and he leaned into his touch offering him a watery smile. He wished he could do more. He wished he could take on the war himself and keep her safe. "Let's go," she whispered, allowing the door to close behind them. He fell into step beside her, zipping their fingers together. He wondered if they'd have a chance to return to the apartment before the war was over. He wondered if they'd actually see the end of the war, if they'd survive it. Only time would tell.

He had a feeling they'd know sooner rather than later.