Author's Note: *taps mic* Is this thing on? Anyone out there? I'm not going to get in to everything that has happened that caused the delay in my writing - if you follow me on tumblr, you're up to speed. That said, I have no intention of abandoning this fic. There will probably be about 100 chapters when all is said and done, and I have every intention of finishing this year.

If you've left me a review - ever - thank you. It's because of you that this story made it this far, and it's because of you that I'll finish it. Thank you for your support.

I don't want to keep you, so I'll just say ... Enjoy! - TLC

Chapter Ninety-Three

They had nothing. Kai Leng was dead, sure, and that was a win, but the Illusive Man was gone - vanished; he was one step a head as he had been since they'd brought Shepard back. They had nothing, and they had no time left. Kaidan sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face as he stepped onto the elevator. He'd hoped for a straight shot up to his and Shepard's room. He bit back a groan when Tali rushed forward and stopped the doors from closing.

She stepped forward, crossing her arms over her chest as she did. Her eyes flashing in her mask. "Hey, Kaidan," her voice was soft, the trill from the filter quiet. Kaidan's annoyance vanished as he watched her lean against the wall. Her voice had sent him back to when they'd met her, in the back alleys on the Citadel, fighting alone against The Shadow Broker's men. She'd come so far since then; they all had. He returned the greeting on a tired sigh. He opened his 'tool to check his messages. He looked up at the sound that escaped her. If she could snort through her mask and filter, she did, "You're still using the Logic Arrest?"

The cock of her hip and tilt of her head told him she was teasing, and he chuckled quietly as he powered down the tool. "It's still the best model," he insisted, engaging in their age-old argument. She turned then, and leaned against the wall with him.

"Not for running multiple attack processes simultaneously," she countered, bumping his shoulder with hers. "You need a Nexus."

He chuckled, "You never change, huh?"

"Nope," she answered as the door opened on the crew floor. "And, apparently, neither does your omni'tool." She stepped off the elevator, pausing and looking over her shoulder at him. "It's good to serve with you again, Kaidan. I can't think of a better group of people to spend … this time with."

"You, too, Tali," he smiled at her. "Tell Garrus I said good night."

She giggled, "Will do." The doors closed, leaving him alone with his disappointment again, and a sigh tore from his chest as he considered Shepard on the floor above him. He hadn't seen her since Hackett had signed off. It was hard to miss the disappointment in the fall of the Admiral's shoulders. As the Admiral's posture fell, Shepard's back straightened. Her face grew stony. Her hands clenched at her sides. Everyone expected so much of her, and they'd given her an impossible task. They had failed; she had failed, and their disappointment was something that weighed heavily on her.

He looked at the control panel, wondering why Cerberus – who had improved the design of the Normandy in so many ways - couldn't make the elevator move faster. How long had it been since she'd retired to their room? It didn't matter; it's not like she'd be sleeping. She hadn't slept well in days. Maybe tonight, now that all the cards were on the table, now that there was nothing left to be done except fight – finish the battle, however it would end – maybe now she would sleep.

The elevator door opened and he stepped towards their quarters, unsure what he would find when he crossed the threshold. He paused for just a moment before stepping forward, triggering the door to open. The lights were off; just the glow of the fish tank and the terminal at the top of the stairs illuminated his steps. The files from Lazarus filled the screen. An open bottle of whiskey sat next to the monitor. Her uniform was in a pile on the floor outside the bathroom. He could hear the water running through the door. He called out to her and waited. He swallowed thickly. His hands grew sweaty and his heart throbbed loud in his ears. He called her name again, and waited. Still no answer. His stomach churned until she finally opened the door.

She had turned back to the sink dressed only in her bra and briefs; one hand under the tap, water running over the fingers. She'd already showered. Her hair damp, combed out and hanging long down her back. "It's strange," she muttered as she stared at the sink. Kaidan stepped closer, barely. He wanted to say something, but he was at a loss. There was an energy in the air that was different than he'd ever felt around her.

"What's strange?" he coaxed gently.

"I feel human. I mean, I feel like me. I don't feel like a … husk." Her voice broke on the last word and he closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist. She turned off the faucet and leaned back against him, her eyes closing tight. "I didn't want to know. I … why did I look?" He tightened his grip on her. "I had a chance, you know." She opened her eyes and met his in the mirror. "When Cerberus woke me, Chakwas asked if I wanted to see the records for Project Lazarus but I told her no. I told her to tell me what I needed to know and nothing more. I didn't want to think about them … reassembling me, and filling me with that corruption." He pressed a line of kisses against her neck, wanting to reassure her, wanting her to feel loved and accepted just as she was.

She pulled out of his embrace, her damp hand lifting the glass off the sink and bringing it to her lips. He watched her as she downed the rest of the whiskey. He felt like he was crossing a field full of landmines and he had no idea where to step. She moved to set the glass down but she missed the sink, the glass falling and shattering on the floor. She cursed and dropped to pick them up before he could. He waited for her to settle before he said anything else. She spat out a curse and gripped one hand in the other as she stood.

Blood oozed between her fingers and he stepped forward reaching and turning the tap on again. She moved and let the water run over her fingers, the blood swirling as it escaped down the drain. He placed his hand on her hip and whispered, "Let me see." She turned to stone at his touch and he looked to her face. She was staring at her wound. He glanced down; the metal of her rebuilt hand catching the harsh bathroom light. "Sloan, this is deep; you cut it to the bone."

"That's not bone," she muttered, pushing away from him and taking an uncharacteristic stumble from the room. He swallowed hard, anticipating the worst as he shut off the water and followed her. He stepped around the glass shards on the floor. When he reached her in the bedroom, she'd pulled on a shirt, one of hers and he paused.

"You need to … Sloan, you need to wrap your hand. You're bleeding all over everything," he stepped towards her and she turned and held up a hand.

"No, no. You need to leave. You need to go, you can't… I can't let you do this to yourself! You have to leave. Why are you even with me? I'm … I'm a monster! The images … the information in those files… I'm… I'm barely human! You want … you want a future, and a family, and … children and… and what can I give you? What can I possibly give you!? Little … little half husk babies?! I can't … no … you … you have to go!"

He stepped closer to her, picking up a discarded towel from the couch as he went. She stepped away from him, keeping the same distance between them. Her hand up defensively. "Sloan, I," he paused when she flared, cerulean power dancing over her and making his hair stand on end. "Okay," he stopped, his heart lurching as he watched blood drip from her wound to the floor. He dropped the towel on the bed and kept his hands up, palms out. "That," he paused and pointed at the terminal, which still had the files displayed, "I've known about that for months now." He watched her eyes dart from him to the terminal and back.

"What?" she dropped her hand, the blood continued to drip from her fingertips. He stepped closer. The look of confusion on her face was adorably alien. The emotions warring over her face were something not even he'd seen before. This was Sloan, just Sloan. Commander Shepard was no where to be found, and he would swear he fell a little more in love with her as he watched.

"Miranda. She visited me when I was at Huerta. She gave me copies of her files from Lazarus," he took two steps closer to her. "Everything you saw there, I've seen already. I know… about the tech that was used. I know which bones were regrown, and which were rebuilt. I know what's left from before Alchera. I know everything."

She frowned. "How are you not disgusted by me?" His face softened as he closed the final distance; picking up the towel again. His movements slow and fluid. He took her hand with the other and slowly wrapped the towel around it, stopping the bleeding.

He placed his hand over her heart. "This, right here, this heart that's beating in your chest... it's the same heart that beat in your chest before Alchera." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. She reached out with her uncut hand and gripped his shirt. "I don't know how far you got in the files, but this heart is the same heart you've always had. It's your heart. You're … you're you. You're Sloan. You're my Sloan. This," he pushed against her chest, "when you were … gone, I heard this in my sleep. I ached to hear it again."

"A heartbeat?"

"No, not a heartbeat, your heartbeat. You are still the same woman you have always been. Whether your parts are organic or synthetic. You're still you," he paused. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against him. "It's in everything you do. It's the way you care about your crew. It's in the way you help everyone who asks. It's in the way you lead, and the way you inspire." He lifted her chin with one finger and locking his eyes on hers. "It's in the way you look at me." She shook her head and dropped her eyes again, a smile tugging at her lips. "It's in the way you smile, the way you touch me. It's in the way you ki—"

Her lips pressed against his, and he kissed her back with equal fervor and no reservations, no hesitation, not a single missed beat. His tongue chased hers eager to taste and tease and ease her fears, her worries. She pulled herself closer to him, lifting herself off the floor, one leg wrapping around his waist. He stepped back and hit the bed, sitting on the edge. She climbed into his lap, but he pulled back. "I should wrap your hand," he explained, shifting at the tightness in his pants.

She brought her hands between them, and he took them in his. He lifted them to his lips and pressed kisses to her fingers and knuckles. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of medi-gel. She chuckled, her cheeks flushing. He smeared the antiseptic gel over the cut before reaching back into his pocket and pulling out a bandage to wrap around it. She leaned forward and kissed him again. He laughed into her kiss and cupped her face in his hands. She shifted, pushing him back on the bed. His hands slid under her shirt, it bunched at his wrists as he caressed her skin. She moved her kisses down his neck, nibbling, and sucking gently.

An alarm sounded. It was a quiet alarm, not like a ship wide alert or even an alarm that would wake him up. He ignored it as her hands moved to the untuck his shirt. She groaned in frustration. "What is that?" she asked against his neck and he laughed as he pushed her away. She sat back, a disappointed pout pulling at the corners of her lips. She watchedhim. It took him a moment to place the sound. He opened his omni'tool, and his heart almost stopped.

His eyes grew wide as he stared at the screen. It took him a long time to figure out exactly what he was looking at. How was it possible he had plans for the crucible on his omni'tool? He'd never transferred them to his 'tool. "What is it Kaidan?" Sloan asked him, her concern clear in the timbre of her voice. Ice ran through his veins.

He couldn't believe it. He'd forgotten all about it. He hadn't even thought about it in years. "Get up," he said tapping her thigh and she moved, falling off him. He sat up, scrolling though the data on his omni'tool. His heart was somewhere near his throat and his stomach right behind it. If this was what he thought it was, it would change everything, but the language - he couldn't understand it. He looked at her, sitting cross legged on the bed next to him. Her eyes wide and her eyebrow cocked as she watched him try to figure it out. She could. "Sloan… is this what I think it is?" he showed her the screen, and watched her face as her eyes moved over the plans before her. It was bizarre to watch her read Prothean and understand it. Her eyes grew distant when she did, like he could watch her accessing some remote corner of her psyche.

"Kaidan, that's… where did you get this?" she asked, excitement in her tone as she got off the bed and moved to the pile that was her uniform.

"What is it?" he asked, needing the confirmation. This couldn't be what he thought it was. The odds were astronomical.

"Kaidan, those are the complete plans for the Crucible. Including, if I'm correct, the Catalyst," he almost threw up when she confirmed his suspicion. "We need to see Javik, and probably Liara, but first you need to tell me where these came from," she said as she pulled on her pants.

"I've had them," he answered simply, still not believing it. His eyes grew dry as he stared at his screen. Excitement and nerves rolled through his gut making him queasy.

"Kaidan," her tone was hard, firm; she was the Commander.

"Since Ilos," he answered simply, with a shrug. "I told you I … copied extra files from Vigil when I copied the code." She froze, eyes wide as she stared at him. A smile broke out on her face as she crossed the room in three fast steps. "I … I didn't even remember that I had them. I've had the decryption program running on them since… well, since Vancouver, after the Battle of the Citadel."

She kissed him. "I don't think I have ever loved the tech nerd in you more than I do right now." He laughed when she pulled back. His eyes dropped to his omni'tool as she moved to finish dressing, asking EDI to have Javik and Liara meet her in the War Room. He couldn't believe their luck. If they were right, and this is what they thought it was, the fact that they'd left Cerberus Headquarters with nothing didn't matter. If they were right, and this is what they thought, they had a real chance. She finished dressing and they moved to the elevator. She looked up at him as she twisted her hair into a bun, securing it with her pins.

"Kaidan," He looked down into her eyes. "We're going to win."