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Howdy, y'all. I had an EEG today, and I have an MRI tomorrow, during which I will be drugged. So I'm updating this fic while I remember, because I was planning to update tomorrow, but I don't think I will want to haha.

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She saw Ning Yingying enter that room, the one their husband disappeared into so often nowadays. The plates that got brought into that room usually left empty, so she guessed that there was someone inside. Binghe and Ying-er usually ate their own dinner elsewhere.

So, who was it? A new wife? Some kind of special prisoner? Maybe even some sort of spirit her husband had captured?

Perhaps she would find out soon.

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Luo Binghe sighed as he scooped rice into a bowl. Apparently, Ning Yingying took her husband's insistence that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't agree to explaining himself as an invitation to try to convince him. And according to his wife, her attempts ended in another panic attack, and much more shockingly, in Shen Qingqiu begging her not to tell her fellow wives anything. Hiding things was normal for him. Begging wasn't. Demands, sure, but Ning Yingying's description of what happened didn't exactly scream 'demanding'. A few months ago, Luo Binghe would have been filled with malicious glee at the thought of Shen Qingqiu begging for anything- really, he probably would have been disappointed that he hadn't witnessed it himself.

But now, it was leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He knew now why Shen Qingqiu wouldn't want any more of his past to be known, and he couldn't exactly blame him for that. He wasn't sure if he could blame his wife, either, since she didn't know any details and probably didn't realize how bad it was until her former teacher begged her to not make him discuss it. Still, Luo Binghe wasn't exactly happy with her at the moment, because she really needed to be a bit more careful of triggering the man's panic attacks. It was hard to tell how much of his mental issues were contributing to or the result of disturbances in his qi, and a panic attack could easily turn into a qi deviation.

Regardless, he knew that, technically, Ning Yingying was right about their Shizun being locked in that room, as much as he hated the idea of letting him out. He wasn't stupid. He knew how isolation and sameness could harm someone, could make torture even worse or drive people mad if you did it the 'right' way. After all, hadn't Luo Binghe used that when torturing Shen Qingqiu himself? During Shen Qingqiu's torture, the only person he ever saw was Luo Binghe, and he never left the water prison once he entered it. Not until after he was brought back from the dead.

Clearly, it had been an effective underscore to the rest of the mental and physical pain he inflicted on him.

So, though Luo Binghe's possessiveness desperately made him want to just lock Shen Qingqiu away forever, keep him for himself like a prized pet, he had since given it some serious thought and had come to the annoying conclusion that he really would have to give Shen Qingqiu breaks from the room if he ever wanted him to improve. And now, he really did. He'd take a broken, hurt Shen Qingqiu, but what he really wanted was a caring, loving Shen Qingqiu- and that would never happen if the man was this desperately miserable and hateful.

Which again brought them to the issue of other people and his wives. They wouldn't accept his presence in the palace, possibly even with the explanation, and Shen Qingqiu would probably have another breakdown if he was forced to discuss it (or even if he found out that Luo Binghe informed them without involving him). So, what was he to do? Perhaps, he could tell his wives to clear a certain area without telling them why and keep the man's face covered. They thought Shen Qingqiu was dead- if he didn't tell them and they couldn't see, they wouldn't be able to guess at the truth, would they? Complete ignorance was often the best way to keep people from asking questions.

Well, he could give it a little more thought before he decided. He wanted to make sure that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't pose too much of a danger to himself if he left the room, either, so he wanted to wait until he wasn't so… upset. Perhaps he really should look into a different sedative, something that wouldn't make him sleep as much but would make it difficult for him to try to run or escape.

First things first, though, was to make the man eat and check in on him.

Again, he found Shen Qingqiu moping, though his body was held tight even before he realized that Luo Binghe was there.

Ah, so he was in a great mood, then. Wonderful.

"Shizun, I brought you food," he said, beginning their daily routine.

Shen Qingqiu's hands gripped his robe, and as expected, he didn't go over to the table.

"You," he said instead, voice harsh. "What did you tell Yingying?"

So it seemed that his Shizun was going to start that conversation.

"I'd rather you eat first before we talk about that," Luo Binghe suggested.

Shoulders raising, Luo Binghe expected the typical fight. Instead, the man stormed over to the table, and with shaking hands, he shoved a singular bite of rice into his mouth and swallowed it. Then, he pushed the tray away and returned to glaring at the demon lord.

"… You should really eat more than that," Luo Binghe spoke carefully, knowing that pushing him could easily backfire.

Pointedly, Shen Qingqiu started pushing the tray off the edge of the table, giving Luo Binghe only a second to catch it before it crashed to the floor and made a mess. He shot the man a quick glare of his own before sighing. He could just make him eat the rest now, but really, he was just happy that the older man had actually eaten something himself for once.

"Alright," he sighed. "We'll talk first."

"What did you tell her?" Shen Qingqiu repeated.

"I told her about the Qiu's abusing you and your qi deviation before Liu Qingge died," Luo Binghe explained simply. "I really didn't get too far into the details."

Shen Qingqiu's eyes were lit with a particularly rageful fire, though Luo Binghe could still see the hints of fear in them as well. The former peak lord hadn't loosened at all, and his hands continued to shake as they clenched into fists.

"Why do you know details?" he asked, spitting out each word. "I can tell you know too much- how would you fucking know what happened with Liu Qingge?! He and I were the only people there!"

"I have my ways, Shizun," Luo Binghe evaded.

"Tell me what they are!"

Of course, he didn't have to. He could just refuse to answer, and it wasn't like there was anything Shen Qingqiu could do that would force his hand. He was the one with that power here, and any demand Shen Qingqiu made was really more of a request. But, the man had already guessed that Luo Binghe knew more than he'd be able to figure out by asking witnesses. He wasn't able to give him a convincing explanation that would be any better than the truth. And maybe, just maybe, a small concession- giving him what he asked for- would help in some way. And explaining himself, while not something he really wanted to do, was much better than giving Shen Qingqiu what he actually wanted.

So instead of ignoring the request, he decided to explain and hope it wouldn't make things worse.

Though, he decided to add a caveat:

"How about this," Luo Binghe offered. "I'll answer you if you eat a few more bites of food. I won't make you finish the plate, but I want you to eat some more of it."

Though he was happy the man ate that first bite, he really did want him to eat more without being forced by his blood if he could manage it.

Shen Qingqiu glared at him quietly while he mulled it over.

"I don't want you to drug me today," he ended up haggling.

In turn, Luo Binghe thought about it. He did want to switch the drug, anyway, so maybe stopping the current medication wasn't such a bad idea. He'd see what happened, though he already guessed that this conversation was likely to go just as badly as the others relating to Shen Qingqiu's past (as well as most of their conversations, really).

"Alright."

Apparently satisfied with their deal, Shen Qingqiu reached for his chopsticks and began to eat another bite of rice. He ended up eating a little less than half of the meal before his hands started to grow fatigued, and he dropped the chopsticks. They clattered onto the table, and that apparently signaled to Shen Qingqiu that he had eaten enough, as he pushed the tray away once more.

"Explain," the former peak lord hissed. "What do you know and how?"

Luo Binghe breathed out, sitting up straight, as he prepared for whatever rage or panic his explanation would throw Shen Qingqiu into.

"I saw it, your past," he said simply. "In your memories."

The older man's eyes went wide, his mouth slightly opening in shock, as Luo Binghe looked for signs of any more significant reaction building.

"… You saw it?"

"Yes."

"In my memories? How?"

So far, Shen Qingqiu just looked surprised. He knew that wouldn't last long.

"Through your dreams," came the answer. "I've known how to enter people's dreamscapes since I was still a disciple, Shizun. And from there, you can see memories."

The other man's breath hitched, a sharp noise in the uncomfortable quiet of the rest of the room.

"… When?"

The words came out hushed, practically a whisper.

"After you tore your arms up with your nails," Luo Binghe explained. "I didn't know what to do with you at that point, and I thought I might find something if I looked. And it turned out that I did, I found out quite a lot about you, actually."

He sighed, never letting his eyes stray from his ex-teacher.

"I hadn't bothered before because I didn't care what had happened in your past. I knew your crimes, and that was enough," he continued. "But, I wish I had investigated sooner. I wouldn't have been so cruel if I knew, Shizun."

"Bullshit."

"It's not," he denied. "I would have still punished you, but it wouldn't have been as severe. I might have just had you executed or imprisoned."

Shen Qingqiu shook his head.

"You don't need to believe me. I already know you don't," the demon lord sighed. "But you know I started behaving differently after I found out, don't you? I may be a cruel man, but I do have some capacity for mercy."

He watched Shen Qingqiu bury his face in his hands, hiding his expression.

"I never asked you for mercy. I didn't want it," he muttered. "Especially if letting you into my mind was the price."

"Well, I didn't ask what you wanted, did I? A better man would have, but you don't think I'm a good man, now do you?" Luo Binghe spoke, a little darkly. "I had no idea that there was anything to lessen your guilt within your mind. I thought you were just a terrible, bitter, jealous man who mistreated others because he just couldn't stand other people having what he couldn't. I didn't realize there could be any other motive for your actions or how what happened would have affected who you became. So, I didn't really care about getting your consent to look at them."

"Clearly."

Luo Binghe breathed for a second to keep himself from getting angry. He hadn't truly cared for Shen Qingqiu then, but he did now, even if it was still a little twisted. He wasn't trying to hurt him right now; he was trying to explain what he'd already done and hopefully keep the fallout to a minimum.

"I don't understand why you didn't bring any of it up at your trial," the demon frowned, crossing his arms. "It may not have exonerated you, but your murder of the Qiu's and Liu Qingge was a big part of what got you imprisoned."

"No one would have believed it," Shen Qingqiu argued. "You'd already destroyed my reputation by then, so no one would have believed me, even if all I spoke was the truth, so what would have been the point?"

He let one hand fall away from his face as he used the other to push back his hair.

"Even if they would have, I still wouldn't have told anyone," Shen Qingqiu admitted, his eyes a little wild. "I didn't want anyone else to ever know about what happened at the Qiu estate, or anything else."

Luo Binghe wasn't trying to argue, but he did actually want to know why the man hadn't even tried to save himself, instead choosing to just receive whatever punishment was decided upon based on incomplete information.

"Shizun, I understand not wanting to talk about such things, but you let your pride win over yourself," he told him.

"What of it?" the older man bit out. "Should I have lowered myself and gotten the same result? I lost less by keeping my mouth shut!"

"Unless you didn't. Perhaps, Qiu Haitang would have dropped her charges if she knew the truth."

"Or perhaps she'd shriek about how I was smearing her dead brother's good name on top of it."

He laughed a little.

"It's not like it matters now," he chuckled. "It didn't matter then, and it doesn't matter now. I can't even keep my own past anymore."

"Shizun-"

"You saw!"

Sure enough, Shen Qingqiu had reached the point of exploding.

"You saw what that beast did, didn't you?!" he kept laughing. "That's why you asked about him. Did you enjoy it, seeing your pathetic teacher getting humiliated in such a way? Did you laugh at how I was beaten the way I beat you? Did you find it funny how the little slave was put in his place?"

Luo Binghe didn't answer immediately, which made Shen Qingqiu switch from laughter to anger in seconds.

"Well?! Answer me!"

Luo Binghe leaned forward a bit, but not too close, since he wasn't trying to intimidate.

"No," he insisted. "I didn't find it very funny at all, actually. I told you, didn't I? I would have done far worse to Qiu Jianluo than what you did. Technically, you stabbed him in self defense. I think you know what I would have done, considering you lived it."

Shen Qingqiu laughed again.

"Liar," he declared. "If he were still here, you'd probably get along. Maybe you could have tortured me together."

"I'm not lying," Luo Binghe sighed. "I tortured you because you abused me. He abused you just because he could."

"Is it really so different?"

"Different enough."

A single tear rolled down Shen Qingqiu's cheek, even though the laughter had yet to fully leave his voice.

"You're ridiculous…"

He began to hug himself, bringing his knees close to his chest.

"Really, what's wrong with you?" Shen Qingqiu asked. "Isn't all this a little too complicated to fuck with me? Were you not satisfied enough with what you'd already been doing? Why put so much effort into this mind game?"

"Because it's really not a game," Luo Binghe insisted. "I told you after I saw your memories, remember? I decided that you'd been punished enough."

"Then what about before that?"

Luo Binghe paused for a second.

"… I hadn't quite decided what I was doing before then," he admitted.

"Then why bring me back at all?" Shen Qingqiu questioned, another tear dripping off his cheek. "Why go to all the trouble of bringing me back, if you didn't even know what you wanted to do with me?"

He could say nothing. He could lie. He could twist the truth. He could even just leave.

But in all these months, Luo Binghe hadn't really gotten anywhere with him. It was just a series of problems and difficulties and keeping Shen Qingqiu from dying again. He had gotten no closer to what he wanted in all this time.

Something had to change.

And though he could have stopped the words from pouring out his lips, he didn't.

"I somehow ended up in another universe."

Shen Qingqiu was caught off-guard.

"Huh?"

"You and I both existed in that universe. But we were both alive and well," explained the demon lord.

He felt his own heartbeat pick up just the slightest bit. It was fine. He wasn't going to back down.

"And the Shizun in that world was kind," he continued, wistfully. "He was kind to me."

"As if I would-"

"He was very different," Luo Binghe agreed, though he cut him off. "I could hardly believe he was you, at first. But he was."

He ran his hand over his clothes, feeling the smooth, soft texture beneath his fingertips.

"The 'me' from that world showed up as well, eventually. We fought," the demon told him. "Do you know why he fought so hard that he not only beat me, but also wounded me severely?"

Shen Qingqiu didn't answer, just kept looking at him with that wide-eyed, tear-stained face. Luo Binghe stared into those eyes.

"You."

Shen Qingqiu didn't even twitch.

"Because he loved him. In that world, Shen Qingqiu was precious to 'me'."

The next words got stuck in his throat, but they came out anyway.

"In that world, we were in love, Shizun."

Luo Binghe shook his head, though he didn't know why.

"I… I thought, if it could happen in that world…"

He trailed off, letting Shen Qingqiu fill in the blanks. It was as good as confessing to him, but that was fine. He'd already decided to lay his cards down on the table, hadn't he? Even if it was a little impulsive on his part.

Shen Qingqiu did not react, not at first.

And then, he started cackling.

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Aaaaaaand there it is. Binghe has revealed some things.

Do y'all think it'll help anything….? ;3

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