64. What have you done
Let me wake up in your arms
Hear you say it's not alright
Let me never see the sun
Let us be so dead and so gone
So far away from life
Close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart*
Harry slightly opened his heated eyelids. A thick silence surrounded him, like an invisible curtain separating him from the outside world. He could hear it rustling in Severus' breath as it fanned across his forehead and moved the strands of hair that tickled his temples.
He saw a candle flame lazily vibrating in the distance, but everything was so blurry that it seemed as if its light had turned into fog, drifting in ribbons toward the ceiling.
No. His eyesight was of no use to him at the moment. He closed his eyes again and inhaled Severus' intensely herbal scent, burying his face in Severus' bare chest and wrapping his arm around his waist, as if he wanted to pull him even closer.
He could hear the slow rhythm of Severus' heart, pulsing beneath his skin in a regular, reassuring way. It reminded him of the ticking of a clock that Harry always heard in the dormitory before falling asleep.
He had no idea whether Severus was asleep or not. He didn't know how much time had passed. He was afraid to move. He was afraid that even the slightest movement could ruin this moment. A moment of suspension between two abysses. A moment of short-lived peace. A moment to take a breath between a hurricane and a volcanic eruption.
He sighed deeply, his warm breath fanning over the man's skin. He felt black, slippery tendrils of thoughts trying to penetrate his mind and disturb this peace, but he didn't let them. They won't destroy it.
He was here now. With Severus. Safe. Nothing else mattered. Not now.
Later on, they can even tear him to shreds.
Severus' hand - wrapped around his shoulders and buried in his hair - moved, running the fingers through the dark locks.
"You seem tense," he heard a quiet whisper.
Harry licked his lips.
"I didn't want to wake you up," he replied quietly. It felt like every sound was like a dagger thrusting into the silence, cutting the veil around them into pieces.
"I haven't slept for a while now."
"Me neither," Harry muttered.
"I noticed," Severus replied with a hint of mockery in his voice. "You've been tossing so much that for a while I was considering petrifying you."
Harry smiled to himself.
"Why didn't you do it?"
"Because there was a risk that you could've trap me in such a strong grip that I would not be able to free myself from you at all."
"You could use one of your curses on me," Harry whispered, feeling his heart begin to beat a little faster as the image of Severus in Death Eater robes - unhesitatingly unleashing the most brutal and painful curses on his victims - appeared in his mind.
The answer came only after a long time.
"I could. So you better not provoke me."
Harry lifted his head, looking straight into Severus' narrowed eyes.
"Would you really cast a curse on me?"
"Let me put it this way..." Severus began, licking his lips and examining Harry's intrigued face. "Have you heard the story about the lion who adopted a young gazelle and began to care for it?"
Harry shook his head, surprised by the sudden question. The only thing he knew about lions was what he had watched on TV while on vacation at the Dursleys' when no one else was home. They were dangerous predators that tore their victims to shreds. He's never heard of-
"Would you willingly approach the lion?" Severus asked after a while.
Harry frowned.
"I don't think so."
"Why?"
"Because it's a lion. He could eat me up."
"So how do you think: why did he take care of someone whose only function in life was to become his meal?"
Harry shrugged.
"Maybe this gazelle was, I don't know, something special."
There was a moment of silence, but before Harry could look at Severus again, he heard another question:
"Do you think it made the lion less dangerous?"
Harry shook his head.
"Do you think he would be able to eat the gazelle... if hunger stared into his face?"
Harry became lost in thought. He felt Severus' searching gaze on him, devouring his face and not allowing him to look away.
"No," he replied after a while in a firm tone. "After all... he chose the gazelle himself. He went against his instincts. I think he would eat everyone around him, but he would leave the gazelle untouched."
Harry saw a frown appear at the corner of Severus' mouth.
"Are you absolutely sure about this?" the man asked, looking at Harry with shining eyes.
Harry felt strange under that look. As if... as if Severus was testing him.
"Yes," he replied emphatically.
"What an extraordinary... faith," Severus said quietly, and Harry had the strange feeling that he was about to say something completely different.
"How did it end? What happened to the gazelle?"
Severus' face tightened.
"It wandered while the lion was resting, and was eaten up by another lion."
Harry's heart stopped for a moment. He experienced an unpleasant sensation, as if with a sudden jerk his stomach had changed places.
"What... what happened to the lion?"
"No one knows."
Harry lowered his head and pressed his cheek against Severus' chest.
"So this story have a tragic end."
"Well... it couldn't have ended any other way."
Harry pursed his lips, snuggling even tighter into the crease between Severus' shoulder and chest. He closed his eyes, surrendering to the hand stroking his hair. In moments like this, when Severus was right next to him, when there was nothing capping him except for the blanket covering them both, when the man was just wrapping his arms around Harry and let Harry cuddle to him - in moments like these, Harry tended to forget who the man lying next to him really was. There were times when he couldn't understand how it was possible that the same hand that was now stroking his hair so gently could inflict unimaginable suffering, that it could cast curses and take lives with such ruthlessness...
But Severus always found a way to remind him of that, even when Harry expected it the lest, sometimes even not directly...
And now Harry couldn't stop the images from flooding into his head - the images he saw in Severus' mind; images that shocked all his senses and covered his body with goosebumps.
"Why did you join Voldemort?"
The question came suddenly. He didn't plan it.
He felt Severus' muscles tense.
He didn't expect an answer. He remembered trying to bring up this topic several times, but Severus skillfully sidestepped it each time.
He opened his mouth to take back the question, but then he heard a low, hoarse whisper:
"He was the answer to all my desires. He gave me what I was looking for. He understood me. Or so it seemed to me back then... I thought that with him by my side I would finally be able to become whoever I wanted. I thought that he had a purpose; that he wanted to change the world… but I quickly found out how wrong I was. Too late I saw that he was just an obsessed madman and that I had willingly become his puppet; and that for someone who once joined his ranks, there was no way back..."
Severus paused and Harry only now let out the breath he had been holding. He swallowed and said as quietly as he could:
"But you did it."
He didn't know why, but that statement made Severus' lips twist into a bitter grimace.
"Yes, I did it. I found the way out. I turned to the only wizard the Dark Lord had ever feared… but it turned out to be a dead end. I emerged from one swamp to plunge into another. Even more muddy and preventing the free way."
"But you could have left," Harry interrupted. "At any moment when everyone thought Voldemort was dead. You didn't have to stay here. Dumbledore couldn't stop you."
"He didn't have to stop me," Severus said quietly, and Harry thought there was bitterness in his voice. "Out of desperation, people sometimes make the biggest mistakes of their lives, and Dumbledore was cunning. In exchange for sparing my life and protecting me, he forced me to make an Unbreakable Vow. I was to serve him until the day the Dark Lord died once and for all."
Harry frowned.
An Unbreakable Vow? He was sure he saw that term somewhere while digging through the books in the Restricted Section...
"Is this the magical ritual that means that if you break this Vow, you die?" he asked, lifting his head and looking at Severus.
The man seemed surprised by the question, as if he didn't expect Harry to know anything about it, but his pursed lips suggested he had no intention of answering.
He didn't have to, though, because Harry already understood everything and it was- it was-
"And Dumbledore told you to make it?" he asked, looking at Severus with wide eyes. "And then... he sent you to Voldemort, knowing that if you went, you might die, but if you disobeyed him and didn't go, you would die too? It's- it's-" He couldn't find the right words.
He remembered the hatred that shone through Severus' memories - the poisonous, burning hatred. And while he always understood the hatred for Voldemort, such a deep hatred for Dumbledore - even if based on obvious reasons - seemed to him a bit exaggerated. But now everything became obvious. And he couldn't believe, he simply couldn't believe, that Dumbledore - the same Dumbledore who portrayed himself as a kind-hearted, fair old man with sparkling eyes - could use another man in such a perfidious way, even if that man had a lot on his conscience.
"It's inhumane," he finally managed to say.
"No man in power ever made it to the top just because he was nice and loved lemon drops," Snape replied sourly. "And Dumbledore has always been able to manipulate people in such a way that they wouldn't notice the strings they were tied to, even if they tripped over them."
Harry lowered his head and placed it on Severus' chest again.
He had never really thought about it, but it was actually a bit strange to him that the darkest wizard in the world was afraid of a nice old man with a long gray beard. Even with all of Dumbledore's knowledge and the power he possessed... After all, power doesn't come out of nowhere. It takes years to polish it like a diamond. And to be able to polish a diamond, you need a really sharp chisel.
"Why did you even-" Harry hesitated. '-get yourself into all this' didn't sound very encouraging. "Why did you become interested in the Dark Arts in the first place?"
A long moment passed before the answer came, and Harry began to doubt whether it would come at all.
"I was around your age back then," Severus said quietly. His voice seemed a bit distant, as if he was trying to think back to that time. "I absorbed knowledge in gulps and it still wasn't enough. But of course, what interested me most was what I couldn't learn in class. As you well know, I wasn't really a sociable person..." Severus paused for a moment. "And standing apart from the group is never conducive to building positive relationships with those for whom belonging to a group is a superior value and a determinant of values. For this reason, I was not very liked at school, and this in turn gave rise to undirected aggression, which eventually had to find an outlet. So I started experimenting..." There was a long moment of silence, as if Severus was sorting through his thoughts, deciding which ones he could show Harry and which ones he couldn't. "I started opening my soul to what could feed this aggression. I went lower and lower, and each step was like opening another door and letting the darkness deeper and deeper. Until finally there came a moment when I stopped controlling it. Although I still had the illusion that I could stop at any time." It seemed that Severus' voice had become even hoarser. "I created several strong, permanently crippling curses at that time. I put my whole soul into them. But testing them on animals wasn't enough. I wanted to mutilate those I hated with them. And that's when the Dark Lord appeared..."
Severus didn't say anything else, but he didn't have to, because Harry quickly put the pieces of the puzzle together and all the unknowns suddenly came together.
"That's why you so consistently forbade me to learn the Dark Arts," he said quietly, staring at the soft, blurry flame of the candle. "You didn't want me to follow the same path."
"And you have been just as consistent in opposing me," Severus replied tartly. "Because anyone who tries to forbid you to do anything is just a fool who hinders your development and doesn't understand anything, and any prohibitions or rules are for everyone except you."
Harry pursed his lips.
"I think you're exaggerating this a bit, Severus," he muttered vaguely.
"Am I exaggerating?" Severus' voice was so filled with mockery that Harry could almost feel it on his skin. "So tell me, have you at least once in your entire life listened to the advice of someone who had a completely different opinion than you, in a situation where you were convinced that you were right?"
Harry became lost in thought.
He thought about how he had risen into the air during his first flying lesson, even despite Madam Hooch's explicit orders and Hermione's protests. But he had to pick up Neville's Remembrall! He remembered how Professor McGonagall had forbidden him to look for the Philosopher's Stone on his own. But he couldn't let Voldemort get it! He was thinking about the fact that he wasn't allowed to travel to school in a flying car. But he had to get to Hogwarts somehow! And about the fact that he wasn't allowed to leave his aunt and uncle's house. But they were terrible for him! And about the prohibitions against moving around the castle at night, especially when everyone suspected that there was a fugitive murderer roaming around the school. But there was always something very important to deal with! And about the fact that he wasn't allowed to stay in Hogsmeade. But everyone could go to Hogsmeade, so he had the right to do so too! And about the regulations introduced by Dolores Umbridge. But they were completely meaningless anyway and created only to make their lives difficult!
Well. It seemed that every time he was able to find a "but" and do - in his opinion - the right thing. But if it weren't for that... he wouldn't have made to the Quidditch team, he wouldn't have stopped Voldemort, he wouldn't have made it to Hogwarts, he wouldn't have found the Chamber of Secrets, and he wouldn't have done a whole host of other things. So in the end... it turns out he did the right thing.
"Maybe you're right..." he said quietly, raising his head a little and looking straight into the black eyes staring at him. "But if I listened to all this advice, I would never be able to achieve something as impossible-" he paused for a moment and licked his lips, "-as getting you." He saw a small flash deep in the bottom of the eyes staring at him. "Just like I would never catch my first Snitch, nor-"
"Don't you dare compare me to the Snitch, Potter," Severus drawled, glaring at him with an irritated look.
Harry quickly hid his smile by pressing his cheek against his chest.
"Well, you have to admit that sex helped me a lot. If we didn't fuck so often, you'd probably give me to Voldemort..."
He had the impression that the air suddenly cooled and the temperature dropped to well below zero. He glanced at Severus, who was staring at him with a hard look, completely unaffected by his jokes.
"You think it's funny?"
Harry cleared his throat, trying to swallow the snort that tickled his throat.
"It all seems funny to me now," he replied with a weak smile. "All this..." He waved his hand in an unknown direction. "Everything... how much I thought you hated me... how different reality can be from the truth..." He didn't even notice when and how a bitter note entered his voice. He ran his hand over Severus' skin, touching his fingers to the scar that crossed his sternum. "How someone so cold can be so warm at the same time... and how you can't even notice it." He heard Severus inhale. Harry closed his eyes and pressed his cheek even harder against his chest.
"You have to be a Gryffindor for that," Severus replied in a perfectly balanced tone, and Harry had a big problem deciphering his intentions.
"Very funny," he finally muttered.
"Why do you think I'm joking?" Severus asked seriously. "You are a typical representative of your house, except that all its negative traits seem to have a much greater influence on your behavior than any other Gryffindor," the man said, and even if it seemed that at the beginning his statement was just a taunt, it now began to turn into something much more serious. "But I hope that from now on you will start to control your reckless behavior, because you are perfectly aware of what is at stake." The last sentence wasn't a question. More of a statement. With the suggestion of an order. "You have to be alert and keep your eyes wide open. Despite all precautions, the danger will not disappear." Severus' voice became even lower and harder, and Harry felt the man pull him closer, wrapping his arm around him even tighter. "But I swear I'll kill anyone who tries to get near you."
Harry's heart beat so hard it seemed to want to break his ribs.
"I know," he whispered softly, swallowing and trying to calm the stabbing feeling in his chest. "That's why you killed Blackwood. Because he wanted- he wanted-"
"Yes. Blackwood made that one unforgivable mistake. That's why he met death."
Harry remembered the unimaginable surprise on the face hidden under the thatch of tousled hair. And he also remembered a completely different expression on that face - merciless, filled with sick elation.
"This memory of him and you..." he began a bit hesitantly, not sure how to put into words what was bothering him. "What actually happened to these boys?"
"I killed them," Severus replied briefly, and Harry had a really hard time catching any emotions in his voice, as if the man was trying to hide them carefully.
"But did they-?"
"I had to kill them, otherwise Blackwood would have used them in the most brutal and heinous way before taking their lives."
Harry knew exactly what Severus was talking about, but he still couldn't wrap his mind around the immensity of the cruelty he saw in the man's memories.
"You mean that-"
"Yes, Potter. He would've raped them. Anyone who had the misfortune of meeting Blackwood knew that nothing gave him greater pleasure than toying with his victims. But I'll spare you the details of how he did it."
Harry squeezed his eyes tighter, blocking out the rapidly flowing images that covered his body with goosebumps and trapped the breath in his lungs.
"It's terrible…" he whispered after a while, although he knew that this word did not even half describe what happened to the helpless victims of that possessed psychopath.
"When the Dark Lord sent us on one of the missions, I had a feeling that only problems would result, and I wasn't wrong. Blackwood had his sights set on a certain facility..." Severus' voice was dull and very distant, as if the memory itself was enough for the darkness to creep into his soul. "Of course, I had to play my role properly and pretend that I had descended to his unnatural level... to the level of an ordinary animal, devoid of any human reflexes, who turned his life into a barren vegetation and his soul into a poisonous sewage... But even despite the closed door and silencing charms- "Severus paused, and Harry held his breath, "-I remember their begging and screaming till this day." Severus' whisper was barely audible, but it was enough to make Harry feel a painful shiver run through his entire body. He was sure he was the first person Severus had told about this memory.
"Was that your worst memory?" he asked quietly. He felt as if any louder sound might shatter the fragile glass bridge that now stretched between them.
"No." Severus sighed heavily. "The worst moment was when you left here the morning after our last night and I heard your footsteps receding... and I knew I had lost you."
Harry remembered what he had seen in his memories - the moment when Severus was standing with his forehead against the door and his hand clenched on the doorknob, and everything around him faded away, consumed by an impenetrable, thick darkness.
Will he feel the same way when... when soon-?
"For me, the worst moment was when I left the Pensieve. And I saw you, so unaffected, while I was falling to pieces... And then I ran to the meadow. There was snow everywhere and... and it was so terribly cold. And when Hagrid found me and I woke up in the hospital... I was a completely different person. Like a whole pack of Dementors attacked me and sucked everything out of me until there was almost nothing left."
Severus' hand tightened in his hair.
"You know I had to do it."
"I know."
"I had to push you away. As far as possible."
"I know."
"Even at the cost of what you have become."
Harry pursed his lips. Severus didn't have to explain it to him.
"I don't know who I've become. I felt like I was in some kind of coma. And only when I fainted and woke up in the hospital... only then did I feel as if I had woken up from this coma. I... I must have felt your presence somehow."
"It was a mistake," Severus said suddenly, and Harry felt a slight rasp in his voice.
He lifted his head and looked at him, frowning.
"Mistake? Do you think this-" he pointed to himself and then to Severus, "-is a mistake?" He bit his lip, unable to find the right words. "Nothing more beautiful has ever happened to me."
He saw Severus' lips part, but before anything could come out, the man regained control and pressed them tightly together.
"You can't fool me," Harry continued, looking straight into the black eyes, which gleamed strangely. "You were the first to come to the hospital. You took the risk because you wanted to see me so badly. You held my hand. You couldn't leave me."
The man's features suddenly sharpened and his eyebrows furrowed.
"You were unconscious... I had to- Hell, I wasn't thinking straight at that moment. I didn't know my presence would affect you so much. If I had known-"
"Would you behaved differently?" Harry asked quickly, carefully watching the black pupils that moved across his face.
Severus didn't answer.
And that was enough of an answer. Enough to fill Harry's heart with the warmth.
"You know..." Harry said, still not taking his eyes off the man's face, "right after I woke up and it all started coming back... I had an erotic dream. About you."
Severus looked as if had choked on air, but he composed himself very quickly.
"So that was the reason you decided to drink yourself into unconsciousness."
Harry rested his head on the man's chest again.
"I know it was stupid and irresponsible..."
Severus' only response was a loud snort.
"But I have an excuse," Harry added, glancing at Severus.
"Yes?"
"I wasn't thinking straight at that moment."
Snape's eyes flashed menacingly and Harry quickly hid his smile, lowering his head and nuzzling into the man.
There was silence for some time. However, it seemed to sparkle, as if all the emotions it had absorbed during the conversation were still floating in the air, refusing to be forgotten. After a while, when it began to calm down and the sparks turned into a delicate frost of peace that settled on the sheets and their skin, Harry spoke quietly:
"Severus... can I ask you something else?"
"If I say no, will it stop you in any way?"
Harry thought about it.
"No."
Severus responded with silence, but this silence had claws in it.
"Well..." Harry began hesitantly, not sure how to put into words what he wanted to ask. "I was wondering... because I know you read it... I mean, the card that I'd dropped in front of the Pensieve... and I'm curious... what do you think about it?"
"Well..." Severus began in a measured tone, as if trying to put his thoughts into proper words. "Considering your oratorical skills... I think you have reached the heights of eloquence."
"So... you liked it?" Harry asked uncertainly.
"Let's just say it rather... haunted me."
"But... I crumpled it a little," Harry said.
"It doesn't matter. I resmoothed it."
Merlin, why was it that when it came to talking about feelings, they both looked like retarded blind men trying to guide each other through a dark tunnel?"
"And you put it in the display case," Harry continued, remembering the gifts he had given Severus hidden behind the glass. "I saw it. In the lab..."
Suddenly, Harry felt as if the air had cooled and the man's hand tightened in his hair.
"Yes, you saw it," Severus whispered. "Even though you shouldn't be here..."
Harry's eyes widened and he felt cold sweat break out on him and cool shards of the glass barrier surrounding them fall onto his skin.
Oh shit! He shouldn't have mentioned it! Why did he do it? Why?!
"You sneaked into my chambers..." Snape continued, and the temperature dropped so much as if Dementors had suddenly burst into the room. His voice was also becoming colder. "Don't think I forgot about it. I was just waiting for you to bring it up yourself. You sneaked in here for a specific purpose..."
'No, please don't ask about that!' - the scream in Harry's mind was getting louder and louder, and the pleasant warmth that had enveloped his heart a moment ago had become just a memory.
"You were trying to get what you should have stayed away from..."
Harry squeezed his eyes shut and clung to Severus with such force that he was afraid something would pull him away. He felt the veils of peace that had covered them fall to the floor. Completely torn apart.
"Now tell me... what did you need this potion for?" The tension in Severus' voice almost touched Harry's skin.
It's a good thing the man couldn't see his face at the moment. Harry wouldn't be able to contain the storm of emotions that question brought forth, because with all the terrifying force he suddenly realized that the reason he had sneaked in here... stopped mattering the moment he found out the truth. Because now that he knew… when he was lying right next to Severus, in his arms, when everything finally seemed… so beautiful… now that reason had become so irrelevant, so distant, so unreal… that it was incomprehensible even to him.
Although... the devastating fear that had accompanied him these last few days was still real. It vibrated just under the skin. Pushed to the very bottom, a feral fear that he managed to get rid of only for a few short moments spent together... and which now, after this question, awakened again.
"Potter?"
It was only after a while that Harry heard Severus' voice struggling to reach his ears and felt the man raise his head and look at him.
Damn, he took too long to respond!
He buried his face further into his chest so that Severus couldn't see the look in his eyes, then cleared his throat, frantically searching his head for a plausible explanation.
"I... I thought I might need it. Someday. In the future. That maybe I could use it somehow if Voldemort attacked Hogwarts."
The silence and coldness that came from Severus made Harry bite his lip and squeeze his eyes shut, knowing that this explanation was so naive that even he would have difficulty believing it.
He had to add something else.
"I thought that if it's a poison... then maybe… I don't know, maybe you could, for example, soak an arrow or something else in it and hurt Voldemort with it. Do you think it would be possible? After all, you were the one who'd brewed this potion."
"Possible, certainly, but would it be feasible or effective? I doubt it," Severus replied quietly, and was it just Harry's imagination, or did his voice sound so... distant? "It's too small a dose to do him any harm. The Dark Lord would easily defeat it. At most, it could weaken him for a short moment."
"For a short moment..." Harry clung to the last sentence. So there was some chance after all. There was some other road, even if it was incredibly steep and could led only to an abyss. One question remains: can he afford this fight? Is it worth taking a risk and trying a different way? Just a few hours ago he would have said no and went to meet the death with his eyes closed. But now... everything has changed. "So it can weaken him. And weakened, he will no longer be that powerful..."
"Even weakened, the Dark Lord is still the most powerful wizard of all time."
Harry felt a twinge of rebellion.
"But there must be some way. This potion must work on him somehow. After all, you brewed it and-"
"Why are you so interested in this potion?" The question came suddenly, cutting the air like an ice scalpel, and Harry felt his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth.
He went too far.
But he was curious. He wanted to know anything. This was his last chance. In a few hours-
He swallowed.
What was he supposed to answer? What lie to come up with this time?
"Look at me." There was an impatience in Snape's voice. And something else - something that tried to break into his soul, tearing it apart with trembling fingers.
An anxiety.
"I'm just curious," he replied quietly, trying to sound as lighthearted as if he was talking about the weather.
He didn't want to look at Severus. He could not. He knew that if he did this, the man would find out everything.
"Do you think I'm going to believe this nonsense? You must look at me immediately." Severus' voice changed. It became cold. Harsh.
"Why wouldn't I be interested in it?" Harry replied with a question, feeling as if the ground was slowly slipping away from under his feet.
He must escape from here! It's been too long... He can't stay here any longer! Otherwise Severus-
Feeling his hands sweaty, he removed them from Severus' skin and - heart beating rapidly - propped himself on the elbow.
"I need something to drink," he whispered, freeing himself from Severus's grip and rising from the bed. "Be right back."
Without once looking at the man, he slipped on his pants and shoes and reached for his torn shirt.
All he needs to do is get out of here. Then it will be okay... He had the potion. He had a chance.
He had a purpose.
If things hadn't turned out this way, he had no idea how he would have managed to leave on his own free will; to leave these warm arms, this bed, these chambers... knowing that he would never return here. He prolonged this moment and prolonged it, pushing the task that awaited him somewhere very deep.
He felt the daggers of the dark eyes staring at him. He hated this feeling - feeling as if that look was tearing him apart. It followed him, watching his every move, analyzing it.
He moved toward the door, feeling a breathtaking urge to turn around; to look at him one last time; to press his lips to Severus' lips once again and leave his mark on them.
But he couldn't. That would be the end of him.
On shaky legs he entered the dimly lit living room and struggled to find his wand and the glasses abandoned on the floor. He quickly cast a repair spell and put the shirt on his shoulders, but the moment he was picking up the Invisibility Cloak from the ground, he felt a whistle of magic, the cloak was torn from his hands, and his heart stopped abruptly.
He jumped up and looked toward the bedroom.
Severus was standing with his wand raised, wearing only the black trousers, holding Harry's cloak in his hand, and his gaze was-
Harry swallowed and inhaled deeply, trying to calm the sudden panic attack that filled him with the suffocating terror.
"Are you going somewhere?" Severus asked in a perfectly calm, cool voice. "This may seem unbelievable to you, Potter, but I have quite a large supply of various types of drinks in my chambers that would be enough to quench your thirst. You don't have to go all the way to the Black Lake to get something to drink." The irony he put into the last word hung in the air like an over-inflated balloon that threatened to explode at any moment.
Harry felt himself starting to choke.
He was an idiot if he thought Severus would fall for his lies for even a split second. But that one second would be enough for him...
"I wanted... to get some fresh air." Yes, he kept on going. Even though he knew exactly how it would end. "Suddenly I felt short of breath and-"
"Really?" Severus' voice dripped with ice. "So how prescient of you to put on the shoes beforehand..." Harry felt the man's dagger eyes on him. He felt it almost burning wounds on his skin, cutting it like a scalpel and trying to penetrate his soul. "This is the last time I'm telling you to look at me!"
Harry cringed, almost crushed to the ground by Severus' tone.
God, please stop it... please stop it...
His eyes were shaking as he stared at the floor, clenching his fists and trying to pull himself together.
"What's going on?" He heard a sudden question when he did not react in any way to the order he had just given. And this time he felt an increasingly clear, increasingly rough crack in the man's voice. "What stupid thing have you done, Potter? And I swear that if you try to insult me again with such a pathetic lie, I won't vouch for myself."
Harry pursed his lips. He could hardly breathe anymore. Not when Severus was so close, just a few steps away, and he couldn't- He had to-
All he had to do was... get it all out - all this burden, this paralyzing fear - just close the eyes and… cuddle to these black robes… and never again be forced to emerge from the darkness that embraced him.
His throat was so tight and hot that it felt as if someone had poured acid into it and it had burned through it, leaving Harry unable to say a word.
He turned around abruptly, not wanting Severus to see it.
It didn't belong to the man. It was his secret. His burden. A burden that in just a few hours will disappear forever.
And then he heard Severus' voice. Much closer. Right behind him.
"What happened?" His tone became more subtle, as if Severus didn't want to scare him away. And Harry sensed much more... nervousness in it. "What are you trying to hide from me? What did you want to do?"
Harry squeezed his eyes shut.
No. Don't get closer! Leave him! Let him go.
"Potter?" A careful touch on his shoulder made Harry open his eyes abruptly.
Just a few hours ago, everything looked so different. All you had to do was take the potion and go.
And now?
He closed his eyes, turned and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Severus' bare chest and pressing into him with such force that he wanted to melt with him.
"I... I really need to get some fresh air... I'm short of breath. Don't worry. Nothing happened."
I'm begging you, believe me and let me go. I'm begging you, I'm begging, I'm begging...
Severus moved and Harry felt a gentle touch on his chin, lifting his face. He squeezed his eyes tighter, even though he almost opened them when he felt a hot tongue slipping into his mouth like a snake. His knees buckled beneath him and his skin was covered with an intricate web of shivers. Hard, wet lips pressed tightly against his, and Severus's breath mingled with Harry's.
God, it was so wonderful... he loved it when Severus kissed him like this...
His hands involuntarily went up, tangling in the man's hair, and then Snape pulled him even closer, deepening the kiss and penetrating the inside of Harry's mouth with such desire, as if he was trying to suck his soul out.
And suddenly, in a split second... the lips and the tongue disappeared.
Harry felt as if the air had been suddenly taken from him and his eyelids fluttered open.
He saw two perfectly black eyes in front of him, staring at him with utmost concentration.
And at exactly that same moment, everything began to spin, blurring before his eyes. His soul opened up, unable to defend itself, giving in to the pressing blackness, and with numb terror he realized that in that very moment... he had lost.
Darkness surrounded him. An impenetrable darkness that made him fall and fall and it felt like it was going on forever. A door was slamming somewhere in the distance, he saw lights flashing in the windows as he passed them at great speed, but he couldn't stop.
Finally he hit the ground with such force that all the air was knocked out of his lungs and he discovered that he was at the very bottom of a deep well, in a room without doors or windows, and his only companion was thick, damp darkness. And that there was something sticky lurking inside him, something wheezing, blowing an icy gust across his face.
He retreated to the wall in terror, tucking his legs in and hiding his head between his knees.
He was alone. All alone.
The darkness felt like an oily substance pouring into his mouth and nose. Sticky and thick, with an unpleasant, acrid taste, permeated with the smell of decay. It only seemed to intensify the fear that was gnawing at his insides, blowing its fetid, wheezing breath across his face.
What was he supposed to do? How to fight something he couldn't even see? Something, that seemed immaterial, and at the same time so real that he felt as if he only had to reach out his hand to touch this terror lurking in the darkness? Where could he escape if he was in a place with no exit? Down to the bottom of... what? Where was this 'place'?
He thought he knew the answer, but he wasn't brave enough to even think about thinking of it.
He could only huddling and waiting... but for what?
The silence was oppressive. It was filled only with that nasty, wheezing breath and a low, wheezing growl, almost animalistic...
Only after some time did Harry realize that another sound was reaching his ears- initially distorted and resembling a returning echo, but over time it became more and more clear. Like... a calling.
And... yes, he felt it more and more clearly. Someone's presence… and emotions. Getting stronger and stronger.
And a fear, but it didn't belong to him. This fear was completely different - hot as a molten iron, yet hard enough to punch through anything in its path.
And it was getting closer.
It was looking for him.
But it won't find him. It won't find him unless Harry gives some sign. Any sign.
Severus...
Everything froze, but only for a split second. Harry felt a flush of heat, and the heat, wrapping around him like a cloak and pulling him out of the depths.
The fear turning into relief, wrapping him in pleasant warmth and lifting him higher and higher, away from the darkness and what lay within.
His feet touched the floor again. The strength supporting him disappeared and he fell to his knees. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked, struck by the brightness. There were windows all around him. And behind them he saw-
...himself. He was walking barefoot down the hall, dressed in hospital pajamas, holding a quill, parchment, and a bottle of ink in his hand. He saw his own expressionless face with empty eyes - the face of someone who had lost everything and wanted to regain at least a little of it. Even if the price was to lose what he had left.
He saw himself entering the owlery, clearing the snow from under the wall, sitting down and start writing.
No! Severus can't see this!
Think of something else, something else...!
He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears with his hands, trying hard to remember the feeling he had while chasing the Golden Snitch. But the golden ball blurred after just a fraction of a second, turning into a parchment spread on his lap and his hand hovering over a blank page.
He could not. He was too weak to stop him. He felt his strength. It floated around him like a space-bending, dense aura, forcing him… forcing him to look and remember. Every word, every thought.
And he wasn't able to stop it.
The hand fell, tracing the first letters on the parchment, and at the same moment Harry heard his own thoughts, although with each moment they were becoming more and more indistinct, drowned out by a strange buzzing that was getting louder...
I'll meet you in two weeks...
A loud crack, like a flash of lightning, made Harry flinch and quickly glance at the window in front of him. It was trembling.
...you can do whatever you want with me...
The tremors turned into vibrations. Harry moved to the center, looking in horror at the cracks appearing in the glass.
...Snape needs to return to Hogwarts safe and sound...
He knew it was over. Just a moment and-
...if I find out that something happened to him...
He managed to cover his head with his hands just as there was a huge bang and the windows exploded, showering him with shatters. He crouched in the middle of the floor, hearing only the sound of glass falling around him. And only when there was complete silence did he dare to remove his hands and open his eyes.
The memories continued to flash around him, but they seemed chaotic, as if the force driving them was too torn by the emotions filling it to contain them or look at them closely.
Harry saw fire penetrating them. Stronger and stronger, burning every moment to the ground and drowning out the echo of his own thoughts with its crackling sound.
The moment he received Voldemort's answer.
...If you don't show up, you'll never see him again. Never...
A moment when he looked at injured Severus standing in the doorway from a distance.
He was alive... He was alive... He kept his word...
The lessons with Luna and Tonks...
How can I defeat him? How? There's so little time left...
The last Potions lesson...
For the next lesson? This was my last Potions lesson.
He saw himself standing in front of the classroom door, staring at it with such an expression on his face that he felt an involuntary shiver.
So many memories...
Finally he saw a boy in the Invisibility Cloak huddled against the wall, and although the fire had already consumed almost everything, devouring the entire scene with hot flames, he still managed to hear the faint echo of his thoughts, drowned out by the crackling of the fire:
There is nothing left. Nothing but this one and only way.
Drink the potion...
He couldn't see anything else. The flames consumed everything, including the floor he was kneeling on, and he felt something pull him to the surface of the overwhelming heat and push him away. He staggered, fell back a few steps, and hit the wall, fighting dizziness.
He was in Snape's chamber again.
It was filled with nothing but the silence - a silence that seemed to sparkle.
Harry slowly opened his eyes, and when he saw Severus' face in front of him, he had to wonder if he would ever be able to breathe again.
The man looked paralyzed. His eyes, covered with thick shadow, were just staring into space somewhere behind Harry, and his face resembled a mask carved from a granite, behind which a deadly tornado of thoughts was raging.
But before Harry could recover enough to even consider that the best option at the moment would be to simply run away blindly, the black eyes sharpened and Severus' gaze focused on him.
Harry didn't know how he should call the look he saw in those eyes, but he was sure he would never forget it for the rest of his life.
Severus lunged forward like a charging beast and in just three steps he was next to Harry. He grabbed him by the shirt and jerked him with such violence that for a moment Harry didn't know where the floor had gone.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" he roared in his face, shaking him so hard that Harry almost lost his breath. "You impulsive, irresponsible, mindless idiot! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"
Harry grabbed Severus's fist grasped around his collar with both hands, trying to pry his fingers open and free himself from the grip.
"Let me go!"
He had never seen him like this before. The man's cheeks were flushed with indescribable fury, his eyes burned wildly, and the sickly gaze he fixed on him seemed almost mad.
He looked terrifying.
With another tug, he pulled Harry even closer to him and hissed in his face:
"What were you thinking? I showed you these memories on purpose! I took everything from you so that you could survive, not so that you would fall into his hands like a helpless sheep destined for slaughter! I did everything to make you hate me! HATE ME! And what did you do?! You handed yourself to him on a silver platter! You fucking brat!"
Severus' words cut deep, striking with unbridled force and chipping away at what Harry had been so patiently trying to heal over the past few weeks. He should be the one yelling at Snape for everything he's done to him! For every moment of pain!
He felt the unexpected rage pour out of him, turning into an anger-filled, desperate scream.
"And what have YOU done?! You wanted to die so that I would never find out the truth! You wanted to go to your death and leave me with all this chaos and hatred! You wanted to leave me alone, you fucking bastard!" he shouted, punching the man's chest and digging the nails of his other hand into the hand gripping his clothes, trying to free himself at all costs. But Snape wouldn't let him do that. He grabbed his wrist and almost crushed it in his grip, pulling his hand aside and growling in his face:
"That was my role! You were supposed to be safe! But you, as always, had to screw up and ruin everything! Like some hot-headed, mindless fool who always has to get his own way! How did you even think of writing a letter to HIM?! And after everything I've done for you! You have completely lost your mind!"
Harry felt pain in the hand that Severus was crushing, but it only fueled his anger. He jumped forward, glaring with burning anger into the black eyes opposite him, hard and sharp as a steel.
"I couldn't let you die! Don't you understand?!"
"No, you don't understand!" the man interrupted him, tightening his grip even more. "How could you hide something like that from me?! What exactly did you want to do?! Sneak out of my chambers quietly and fly to the Dark Lord without a single word?! You have exceeded all acceptable limits! You destroyed everything! Everything I sacrificed for you! It all went to waste because, as usual, you had to play the role of a fucking hero who doesn't care about his own life!"
"No! I did what I thought was right! I would do anything for you! It was my decision and you have no right to question it when you did the same!"
Darkness filled Severus' eyes. Even denser and more dangerous than before.
"Yes, and now I regret it. If I had known how little you valued your life, I would have taken you to him without hesitation and freed myself from both of you once and for all!" The hug became so strong that Harry lost his breath for a moment, lost in the darkness of the man's gaze. "Cursed be the day you came into my life."
Harry felt a sting. So terrifyingly painful that his free hand went up on its own, swung and-
BANG!
The force Harry put into the punch turned Severus' face to the side, hiding it under a curtain of hair.
The silence descended. So thick it was as if the whole world held its breath.
Harry was staring at the man with wide eyes, feeling the burning sensation in the hand he had slapped him with.
God. He didn't want to do it. Didn't want to. But it was the only way to... make him stop.
Severus was like that. When he felt betrayed and hurt, he lashed out so hard and so fiercely that he forgot everything until he destroyed and crushed whoever had caused these... reactions in him. And Harry knew it. He knew everything he said was untrue, but even untrue words can burn deep wounds when spoken with such conviction...
He had to stop it.
And now he felt terrible. It was as if something heavy had poured into his stomach and turned into a stone pressing down on him. And the weight left him barely able to stand on his trembling legs.
His rapidly beating heart stopped for a moment as Severus moved, slowly turning his head back and Harry saw his gaze.
Completely unaffected. Resembling steel hardened in fire and ice.
"Don't do this, please..." The whisper that escaped Harry's mouth seemed too loud even for him in the thick silence surrounding them. "I just wanted you to come back safe and sound. Nothing else."
"Silence." Severus didn't say it out loud, but he didn't have to. His voice was like a blade. "One more word, Potter, and I'll do something we'll both regret."
Harry bit his lip, stung by the merciless tone of the man's voice. Was it really so... good between them just a few moments ago? Wasn't everything that had happened since last night just a dream, created by his mind to give him some strength to face the things that were to come?
No. It was real. And that was why he felt like something was falling apart inside him now that Severus was looking at him with that cutting gaze.
Careful... he must be careful.
He slowly raised his trembling hand and brought it to Severus' face, touching his reddened cheek.
Anyone else in his place would have cut themselves with that blade long ago - a skilled, ruthless blade, that was able to cut through everything that stood in his way. And only one hand could catch this blade without shying away from getting hurt. Only one hand could hold it without fear of injury. And only this one hand could calm it down and force it to stop fighting.
Severus let go of Harry's shirt and grabbed his hand, moving it away from his face.
"Leave me."
Harry pursed his lips, feeling a painful tightening in his chest. The man released his other hand and moved away, still watching him with the same unwavering gaze. He slowly took a few steps back and plopped down in his green chair, letting out a soft sigh. He rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and pressing his clasped hands to his mouth. He stared unblinkingly at the fireplace and sat there for a few moments, without a single word.
Harry walked over to the other chair. He felt as if he was walking on very fragile ice that could break under his feet at any moment. And he knew that if that happened, he would never get out from under the ice and all he would be left with would be a cold, dark abyss of indifference. Until the very end.
He plopped down in his chair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, tangling his fingers in his hair and staring at his feet.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he began in a quiet, broken voice, "but when I found out the truth, it was too late. Too late for everything." He sighed and licked his lips. There was silence for some time as he tried to choose the right words. "I knew he would be waiting for me. How was I supposed to tell you about this? I was afraid of your reaction." He paused for a moment to take a deep breath, although the tightness in his throat made it difficult for him to do so. "And when I found out the truth... I wanted to give us the slightest chance and try to fight him. I had nothing to lose anyway if I couldn't be with you. I'm sorry."
After these words, he raised his head slightly to look at Severus, but the man remained still, staring at the fireplace, as if he hadn't heard a single word Harry had said.
When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse and quiet.
"For all this time... there was just this one element missing. And it turned out that you were that element." He fell silent for a moment, shaking his head as if in disbelief. "You really did it. You sent Him a letter. But why? How did you know? How were you sure I was there?" He looked at Harry expectantly.
Harry licked his lips and took a deep breath.
"I've gotten to know you very well, Severus," he replied quietly, looking him straight in the eyes. "I knew that when you got the call, you would go to him right away. You would never stay at Hogwarts, hiding from Voldemort like a rat in the cellar. Every Slytherin supporting Voldemort would turn their back on you, and you wouldn't allow yourself to lose your position and respect in their eyes. You're also not someone to run away and you would never do so. You are always facing danger. You couldn't live if you were constantly looking over your shoulder and hiding for the rest of your life. Returning to Hogwarts and continuing the mission was also out of the question. Not after you completely lost my trust. You couldn't rebuild it and Voldemort knew that. And he doesn't forgive. I knew he would kill you. So... every path I took in my mind ended with your death. So there was only one thing I could do - stop it." When he finished speaking, he had to take a breath again.
Severus was looking at him with narrowed eyes. He didn't say a word. He didn't move. He was just looking at him, and Harry felt more and more uneasy, unable to decipher that look.
Suddenly he stood up. He did it so violently that Harry, in a defensive reflex, also jumped out of his chair and took a step back, ready to defend himself if Severus tried to attack him again.
Two steps were enough for the man to be next to him and Harry's heart stopped and the muscles of his entire body tensed and at that same moment... two cool hands cupped his face, lifting it up, and the look of the black eyes delved into his pupils and Harry saw on Severus' face something so powerful, so beautiful, that everything else ceased to matter.
But before he could take a closer look, the man's hands slid to Harry's shoulders and Severus wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer and enveloping him in an iron grip with such greed that Harry momentarily lost the breath in his lungs.
"He won't take you away from me... I won't let him do that." Severus' whisper was extremely quiet, but it echoed loudly in Harry's heart, flooding his body with a wave of warmth that relaxed and calmed him. But it still couldn't take away the damp coldness that was creeping at the bottom of his soul.
God, if there was any way out... Any way!
But even Severus... even he couldn't stop Voldemort. Nobody could.
"What I said-" Severus began, but he stopped as if he was having trouble expressing himself. "I didn't mean-"
"I know, Severus," Harry replied quietly, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around the man's bare chest. "I know."
No. There was no other way. And if he didn't end it soon, there wouldn't be any left.
"I..." he began hesitantly, licking his lips and inhaling deeply the herbal scent of Severus floating around. "I have to go there, Severus. You know about it."
The atmosphere changed so suddenly that Harry felt as if a frosty wind had suddenly blown into the chamber from outside. The man's body tensed and his grip became stronger.
"No. He won't get you," Severus growled, and Harry heard so much hatred in his voice that he involuntarily shuddered. "Even if he destroyed the entire Wizarding World in his rage until there was not one stone upon stone remained, he wouldn't even lay a single finger on you. And even if he searched for you forever among the ruins and ashes, he would not find you."
Severus' words didn't help. They only caused pain that pulsated in Harry's chest harder and harder, like a ticking bomb.
"But I don't want everyone-" he started, but the man didn't let him finish.
"You're an easy target for him. He will keep you alive until he takes your power away. This is his plan. His obsession. He'll kill you later."
"I can use this," Harry said quickly, afraid that Severus wouldn't listen to him this time either. "This will give me a chance to weaken him. I'll have some time to-"
"No!" The man's voice became louder, and his tone took on the merciless sharpness that he had already slashed without restraint so many times. "You will not go to the Dark Lord! And don't even let it cross your mind that it will happen! Have I made myself clear?!"
Harry clenched his fists involuntarily.
No. They will never reach an agreement this way. Why didn't Severus understand this? Why?
"Voldemort must pay for everything," he said, almost desperately. "He will always be between us to poison our lives. I would have to face him someday anyway. It's high time to end this and-"
"Enough!" Severus interrupted him with a growl. He moved slightly away from Harry and looked at him with hard eyes. Harry had difficulty reading anything on his face, as if Severus had put on a mask, hiding all his emotions. He only knew one thing... he didn't like that look. "Since you are completely devoid of common sense, and your tenacity and tendency to self-destruction cloud your mind, I am forced to take certain steps…"
Harry's eyes widened.
"What? What kind of st-"
However, he didn't manage to finish. All he heard was a whisper of a spell and the darkness fell upon him.
The darkness was slowly brightening. Something hard and cold pressed against Harry's cheek. No. Against his whole body.
He tried to move his fingers.
Everything was in its place.
Opening the glued eyelids required an almost superhuman effort, and lifting the head was even harder.
He saw the tiles. And the edge of something that looked like- - he raised his head a little higher - -like an upside-down sink.
And that was enough for all the events to hit him with such force that he almost choked. His muscles screamed desperately as he jumped into a sitting position.
Bathroom. This was Snape's bathroom!
This nasty, sneaky-!
Groaning with effort, he rose and walked on shaky legs to the door. He knew it was pointless, but he yanked on the doorknob anyway.
No. No! He couldn't do this to him. He could not-
He gritted his teeth and desperately started pulling on the doorknob, even though he might as well have tried to break through a two-meter wall.
He felt powerful magic vibrating under his fingers. The door was sealed with such strong spells that a sparkling mist hung in the air around it. Harry didn't have the power to break it, anyway-
His wand!
He desperately patted his pockets, and as soon as he felt a long bulge under his fingers, he almost fell to the floor with relief. Once he located the wand, he immediately bent down to his pant leg and - feeling the tiny vial still resting in the hidden pocket - he closed his eyes and sighed.
He had everything, but what did it give him? Only the certainty that there is no chance of getting out of here. Severus wouldn't have left him the wand if he wasn't convinced that Harry couldn't break the seal. He even suspected that if he tried to interfere with the seal in any way, it would only result in painful magical injuries.
He only had one thing left.
He threw himself at the door, banging on it with his fists and shouting desperately:
"Let me out! Let me out of here immediately! You can't keep me here! Let me out! Do you hear me?!"
There was silence for some time. Only after a while did Harry hear footsteps approaching from behind the door.
He rested his forehead against the wooden surface, breathing quickly and shallowly.
He needs to calm down. Severus wasn't the kind of person who could be forced to do anything by shouting.
"Severus, please," he said much more quietly, almost pleadingly. "Don't do this."
At the same moment he heard a man's voice, which sounded exceptionally clear despite the door separating them.
"You'll stay there until I figure out how to stop you. And this is my last word on this matter."
Harry felt icy terror creep into his chest.
"You can't imprison me here!" he screamed, throwing himself at the door again. "You cunning bastard!"
He slid to the floor, still banging on the door with his hands, even though he was well aware of how pointless it was. But an anger and grief were stronger than the reason. Much stronger.
He knew why Severus did it. He couldn't take any risks when Harry's life was on the line and he didn't care about anything else. To hell with him! To hell!
"I'll find a solution." Severus' voice was quieter this time, as if muffled. "You have to trust me."
Harry heard footsteps retreating and the door slamming. He sat on the floor, leaning back against the door, and buried his face in his hands.
No. This one time, Severus was wrong. There was no way out of this situation. They can't stay at Hogwarts forever. Severus was bound by an Unbreakable Vow and when Voldemort summoned him, he would be forced to answer his call. And Voldemort will kill him. And even if... even if he told Dumbledore everything - even though Harry knew perfectly well that he wouldn't do it - he would still follow the call of his own free will. If he didn't do this, he would be a nobody at Hogwarts, and his pride wouldn't allow it. He prefers to die. Escape was also out of the question. Voldemort would find them anywhere. Their hands were tied. There was only one path and Harry had to follow it...
But how can he get out of here? Severus wouldn't lock him in a place where there was any escape route, so he didn't even try to check the walls. The door was blocked. There were no windows. There was nothing that would get him out of here.
What time was it anyway? How much time did he spend unconscious? What if it's too late? What if he overslept an hour of the meeting and Voldemort was now thinking of the most painful way to kill Severus...?
Harry looked up, terrified by the sudden vision.
What if... if he was going to attack Hogwarts in his fury?
No, he probably wouldn't go as far as that. Not when Dumbledore was guarding the castle. He wouldn't attack openly. But he could, out of rage, storm unguarded outposts and murder thousands of innocent people. Unaware that they are dying only because Harry is still alive...
He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head, resting his forehead on his knees.
Everything was in vain. Saving Severus, all the preparations... that terrible feeling in his stomach that grew stronger with each passing day that brought him closer to meeting his greatest enemy. Two weeks of living in constant, growing fear. And when he came to terms with it, when he almost managed to overcome this fear, knowing that sooner or later it would happen anyway, that death was not the worst that could happen to him compared to how many lives he could save... that was when Severus entered his life again, blocking his view and keeping him from throwing himself into the abyss at all costs.
And Severus didn't care about anything else. Apparently, for him the whole world could really cease to exist...
Harry sighed and lifted his head, looking around.
Might as well stop fighting. Anger and rage wouldn't help him get out of here, nor would they make Severus release him any quicker. They only make him more and more tired and sleepy. After all, he only got a little sleep. And apart from yesterday's dinner, he hadn't eaten anything in almost two days.
If he's going to be here until who knows what time, he might as well eat something... But where would he get something to eat now?
He frowned.
That's right, the elves... How lucky he was to always be able to summon them.
He took a deep breath and shouted:
"Dobby!"
Almost at the same moment, an elf appeared in the middle of the floor. With a huge pot in one hand and a scrubbing brush in the other. As soon as he saw Harry, his wrinkled face broke into a smile that made him look like a grinning rotten apple.
"Harry Potter called for Dobby? Dobby was just cleaning up after breakfast, but he dropped everything to come to Harry Potter!"
Harry looked at the pot, his eyes widening in understanding.
"After breakfast? Does that mean it's after eight?"
The elf nodded eagerly with his large head.
"So lessons have just started... It's not too late yet." Harry's eyes began to dart around the room, lit up with hope again, although this hope was suppressed by the impossibility of getting out of the prison in which Severus had locked him, and only after some time did they stop on Dobby, staring at him. And at that moment Harry remembered why he had summoned him in the first place.
"I'm hungry, Dobby. Bring me something to eat."
"Of course! It's a real honor for Dobby to bring food to Harry Potter! Don't let Harry Potter go anywhere. Dobby will be back soon!"
With that, he disappeared with a loud pop.
Harry sighed and leaned against the wall.
"Don't worry," he muttered quietly to himself. "I can't go anywhere anyway."
It seemed like only a few seconds had passed when an elf appeared in the room with a huge tray of food.
"Dobby completed the task!" he exclaimed happily, placing the tray on the floor in front of Harry. Almost everything was there - the mashed potatoes, the steaming sausages, a rice pudding with raspberry sauce, a pumpkin juice and the rhubarb cookies."
Harry felt as hungry as if he hadn't eaten in at least a week. Without hesitation, he started eating and only after three sausages did he remember about Dobby. The elf was standing right next to him, looking at him with his bulging eyes and smiling with self-satisfaction at a job well done.
"Does Harry Potter wish for anything else?" he asked with hope in his voice.
Harry shook his head, taking a long drink of pumpkin juice.
"No, Dobby. You did great. You can Apparate now-" He stopped suddenly, inhaling sharply and choking on his juice.
"What happened to Harry Potter? Dobby will help!"
"Nothing. Nothing happened," Harry replied, catching his breath. He looked at Dobby with wide eyes, feeling his heart beat faster and his hands begin to tremble. "Dobby, tell me something..." He waved his hand casually in an unspecified direction. "Can you Apparate out of the castle from here?"
Dobby looked at him with astonishment as if Harry had asked if birds could fly.
"Of course. I'm an elf."
Harry felt his blood begin to rush in his veins.
"Can you take someone with you?"
"Of course. It's nothing hard."
Harry just stared at him in disbelief for a moment.
Merlin, why hadn't he thought about this before? No one could Apparate at Hogwarts, but he had never wondered how the elves managed it. He called Dobby so many times before…
Calm down, just calm down. Now he must come up with a plan quickly.
"I have another task for you, Dobby," he said, stuffing the last bite of food into his mouth. "Bring me a knife. The sharpest you can find. It would be best if it was magical knife, but a regular one would be fine too."
Dobby nodded and Apparated away with a pop.
Harry quickly drank his juice and jumped to his feet.
Merlin, he finally had a chance! He never expected that help could come from such an unexpected place.
He looked around the room and pulled out his wand. He knelt down at the tray and picked up a napkin and fork. After several attempts, he managed to transmute them into a piece of parchment and a quill. He dipped the quill in raspberry juice and wrote hastily:
I'm sorry, Severus, but there is no other option. I have to go to him. I have to face him because he will be always standing between us. But I'm not afraid anymore. Thanks to you, I became stronger. Thank you for everything.
Your Harry
He managed to straighten up just as Dobby appeared in the room, clutching a gleaming knife in both hands.
"Dobby completed the task!" he squealed, handing Harry the knife. Harry ran his finger along the steel blade. He felt strange vibrations.
"Where did you get it?" he asked, examining the blade with narrowed eyes.
"From a large room with lots of things," the elf replied, and that was probably enough of an explanation.
Harry knelt down, placed the knife on the floor and pulled out a tiny bottle from a pocket hidden in his trouser leg. He uncorked it with his thumb, picked up the knife, and carefully poured a quarter of the bottle's contents onto the blade. The potion flowed down the steel, but instead of dripping onto the floor... it disappeared. It was as if it penetrated the blade. He blinked in surprise, but repeated the action on the other side as well. He corked the bottle with half the potion still remaining and placed it back in his pant leg.
Dobby - standing next to him - was watching his actions with great interest.
Harry tucked the knife into his belt and straightened, looking around the room.
He had everything. There was nothing left for him to do. Now everything depended only on him. He was on his own.
He looked at the elf standing next to him and said:
"Dobby, you have to take me in some place. This is extremely important."
"Harry Potter shouldn't leave the school," the elf replied confidently. "It's the only place where Harry Potter is safe."
"You don't understand, Dobby. If I don't get there within the next thirty minutes, something terrible will happen and a lot of people will die. You'll help me, right?"
The elf frowned and muttered:
"Is this some scary place? Will Harry Potter be in danger?"
"No. I promise you I'll be fine," Harry lied smoothly. "Just take me there. That's all."
The elf frowned even more. He looked like he was thinking very deeply.
"If Harry Potter says so, then Dobby believes him," he finally said, looking at him with trust in his eyes. "But where is this some place?"
Harry thought about it. He knew that wizards couldn't Apparate to places they'd never been before. But the elves were different. He remembered Dobby Apparating into his aunt and uncle's house, although he doubted he had ever been there before.
"On the Dartmoor Hills," Harry replied. "There's a valley there, and there's a stone circle in it, and on its outskirts there is a forest. I wish you would take me there."
Dobby looked up as if trying to locate the place in his mind, then nodded and held out his small hand.
Harry swallowed.
Why - when he raised his hand to take Dobby's - did his own hand suddenly feel so terribly... heavy?
Severus stopped so suddenly as if he had hit an invisible wall. He turned around with a flourish and froze. His eyes widened and his face paled.
A moment later he was running.
The violent jolt in his stomach wasn't pleasant at all, and when Harry hit the ground with his feet, he felt like he was about to throw up his entire breakfast. However, he regained his balance and - breathing heavily - straightened up.
He was in the forest.
In the forest? Why?
Yeah. The last thing he mentioned to Dobby was the forest. Damn it!
He quickly looked around the area. The sun was already up, but it was almost as dark here as if it was the middle of the night. The leafless, dark trees loomed around, like bristly shadows with razor-sharp branches, and melted snow soaked into the ground, creating a muddy, black mess. Harry strained his eyes. In the distance, something was shining through the trees. And there was a lot of it. A LOT. Like a molten mass of black, moving slowly. In the pointed hoods and the long robes.
Harry felt an involuntary shiver seep through his thin shirt.
And only after a moment did Dobby's choked whisper reach his ears:
"What is it, Harry Potter?"
"It's nothing," Harry replied dully, releasing his hand from the elf's grip. "Now get out of here. Apparate back to Hogwarts."
"But Dobby can't leave Harry Potter alone..."
"Do what I tell you!" Harry growled. Dobby backed away in fear and looked down, then Apparated away with a loud pop.
Harry looked ahead, inhaling the rotten air, as if the mere presence of such a mass of Death Eaters would bring death to the entire valley.
This time he was truly alone.
He couldn't turn back now. There was only one way left. And it led forward.
He started running.
Severus was running through the halls of Hogwarts. The cloak was fluttering behind him as he rounded the corners and the down steps.
He rushed into the office and ran to the second door, almost breaking it down.
Harry was running.
The wet branches were lashing his face and his shoes were sinking into the muddy ground, but he kept running.
He must arrive on time. He has to!
With a few incantations, Severus removed all the locks on the bathroom door and almost yanked it off its hinges, swinging it open, and then... he stopped so abruptly that he almost fell over.
The room was empty.
His pale face turned toward the tray lying in the middle of the floor. He approached it in two steps and bent down to pick up a piece of parchment lying on it, written in red, blood-like letters.
The black eyes - shining strangely - ran over the lines, and in an instant, all the light was gone, swallowed by an icy darkness.
Severus turned and rushed back to the door.
Harry reached the edge of the forest. Out of breath, he rested his hands on his knees, trying to draw air into his aching lungs. But as soon as he lifted his head, he felt an icy panic creep into his heart...
There were hundreds of them. A sea of the rolling blackness. And Voldemort among them, sucking in the darkness around him like a black hole.
And they were waiting for him.
I'm in love with you
And it's crushing my heart
All I want is you
To take me into your arms
When love and death embrace
I'm in love with you
And you're crushing my heart
I need you
Please take me into your arms
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace**
All the stories are over
Chapters are done
All this chaos around me
Always Alone
Why did I see burning fires in your eyes?
How could you let me end up in this?
Well, I don't know
The rose I hold
Don't seem to grow
All the sirens are warning
Screaming our sins
I've been hiding the feeling
Of touching your skin
Why did I put out the fires in your eyes?
How could I erase the living in me?
I need to go
My lonely soul falls on you
So what have you done?
What are you hiding?
What are you holding onto?
This side of me is gone
It's killing me inside
To watch you go***
* "Bury me deep inside your heart" by HIM
** "When love and death embrace" by HIM
*** "What have you done" by Plan Three