A/N: Y'all, I said I was going to do Camp Nanowrimo this April, but I've done literally every other craft I know how to do besides writing. I've built a pergola, a door ramp, a compost box, whittled an owl out of wood, sewn a pleated skirt, and done two paintings. I even picked up my embroidery and crocheting. These chapters did not want to happen... anyway.

Another day, another lychee bubble tea in Ten-Forward, another book.

"The Art of War?" Picard asked, sitting down across from her with a cappuccino. "Rather heavy reading material."

"Well, the Romulans got me thinking. And if I do jump again, who knows where I might end up," Elle said. "I might end up in the-" she paused before she could blurt out any spoilers. "Hm. We need to do something about shapeshifters... though I guess we can't do that until the wormhole..."

Picard jumped, startled, and almost splashed his coffee on the table. "How did you know?" he demanded.

Elle stared at him. "How did you know?" she retorted. "It hasn't even happened yet!" The Cardassians still had Bajor and the wormhole hadn't even show up yet.

"Our mission came in just an hour ago," Picard said. "We've been asked to host the negotiations."

"The Cardassians gave up Bajor early?" Elle asked, gaping at him. What had led to that?

He gaped back at her. "Cardassians?" He shook his head. "I believe we're speaking at cross-purposes, Elle. I am speaking of obtaining the rights to the Barzan II wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant."

Elle sagged in relief. "Oh. That wormhole." She leaned on her elbow and sucked up a few tapioca balls through the straw, popping the bubbles with a vicious munch.

"So you know about it?" Picard prompted.

"What? No. I don't think so, anyway. I've never heard of another wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant."

His eyes narrowed at the phrase 'another wormhole' but he left it alone. "We're picking up a Mr. Mendoza, the Federation negotiator, and we shall be hosting the Davorinians, the Barzans, and the Chrysalians, who are also taking part in the negotiations. This is the first stable wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant and the benefits could be enormous."

"Well it certainly sounds like an episode," Elle said brightly. "I don't recognize it but it definitely sounds interesting."

He sighed. "I was hoping you'd recognize it."

"I might, once we get there," Elle said. "In boring episodes with negotiations and diplomats, once things start falling apart I'll remember what's going on."

"That, is not comforting," Picard replied.

"Sorry," Elle said, not sorry at all.

-/\-

Elle completely forgot about the wormhole and Barzan II until she saw Mr. Mendoza in Ten-Forward. "Who's that?" she stage-whispered to Guinan.

Guinan smiled. "That is Mr. Mendoza, the Federation negotiator for the wormhole."

"Oh." Elle regarded him. "Do you think he speaks Spanish?"

"Why don't you go ask him?"

"Okay." Elle grabbed her frozen lemonade and went over to Mr. Mendoza.

"Hello," he said, giving her a smile.

"Hello. Welcome to the Enterprise. My name is Elle."

They shook hands and he regarded her with surprise. "You're the civilian consultant?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Then you should be the one conducting negotiations, if what I've heard is true." He smiled charmingly.

Elle smiled back, just as charmingly. "My past as a 21st century consumerist no longer allows me to dabble in the art of buying and selling."

He stared at her.

"Do you speak Spanish?" she asked. "My mother is from Mexico, and I'm trying to keep up my conversational Spanish."

Quite visibly, his brain switched tracks. "Yes, I do," he said, after a pause.

They spent an enjoyable twenty minutes conversing in Spanish, and then he had to go answer a comm.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Wilcott," he said, giving her a slight bow. "I hope you might sit in on the negotiations. You might find it interesting."

"Perhaps," Elle said, in her best Spock-inscrutable-ness. She went back to the bar.

"Are you going to sit in?" Guinan asked her, living up to her title of 'Eavesdropper Listener'.

Elle snorted. "No, are you crazy? Negotiations are so boring."

Guinan gave her a mysterious smile. "You might discover you're good at them."

Elle wrinkled her nose. "If this turns out to be an episode, maybe. Maybe. But the last few times I've stuck my nose in, I've been stabbed, had pots thrown at my head, and been mind-invaded. Twice."

"See?" Guinan said. "Interesting."

"Ugh."

-/\-

There was comm waiting for Elle when she came back from her mok'bara afternoon class. "You are invited to a reception in Ten-Forward to see the wormhole. Semi-formal please -Riker."

Elle frowned in consternation. "I'm not wearing a dress," she told Simba the Third firmly.

In the end she did wear a dress with leggings underneath it and flats, instead of boots. "Last time I wore a dress the Medusan ambassador tried to poach me out of Star Fleet, I ain't doin' that again," she muttered, kissing Simba the Third goodbye. "I'm so hungry and all they serve at these things are snack bites."

Simba the Third cooed encouragingly.

Elle met Troi coming from the opposite way. "Long day?" Elle asked, noticing Troi's tight smile.

"Yes, very long. You?"

"Yup." Elle linked her elbow with Troi's. "Should we go in, eat all the snack bites, and go find a chocolate factory instead of hanging around?"

Troi laughed. "You read my mind, Elle. That sounds wonderful."

They went in. Captain Picard immediately waved them over. "Ah, Counselor Troi, Elle. Will you allow me to do the introductions? This is Premier Bhavani of Barzan. Counsellor Deanna Troi, and Miss Eleanor Wilcott."

Elle bobbed her head respectfully.

"Your discovery has produced a great deal of excitement, Premier," Troi said, with a smile.

"Hopefully, it will also produce a new era of prosperity for my people," Bhavani said.

Picard continues, "This is a worthy Federation competitors in the bidding, Leyor of the Caldonians."

"Madame. Miss," said the extremely tall, thin Caldonian.

"And I'm Devinoni Ral, representing the Chrysalians," said the last man, completely neglecting to introduce the woman hanging onto his arm. His eyes were fastened on Counselor Troi.

"The best hired gun in the business," Mendoza mentioned.

Premier Bhavani glanced at the clock. "I believe it's almost time, isn't it Captain?"

"Indeed. It will be visible directly ahead." Picard took Elle's elbow and steered her towards the window.

"Is it always on time, Bhavani?"

"Always. We see it every two hundred and thirty three minutes. Our scientists say it's due to radiation buildup in the accretion disk. The visible burst is very brief."

There was a circular burst of light that illuminated a sphere in the center of space. It vanished a few moments later.

"There it is, ladies and gentlemen, the first and only stable wormhole known to exist. It's yours, for the right price."

Elle frowned, the line taking her memory by storm. "Ooohhhh, this is that episode."

Troi and Picard both looked at her. Elle shook her head. "Wormhole's a dud."

"What," said three or four people all at once. Devinoni Ral stepped forward. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "Who are you?"

"Elle Wilcott, mission consultant." She turned to face Premier Bhavani. "You couldn't have known, ma'am, but the endpoint of this wormhole is unstable."

"How do you know?" Bhavani asked.

"She has talents," Picard said vaguely. He looked at Elle sternly. "Is this verifiable?"

"Yes, sir. If you send a shuttle, they'll be able to see it."

"I see."

Elle remembered why she hadn't liked this episode. "And maybe if we get this cleared up then Mr. Ral won't have to use the Ferengi as a discrediting tactic against the Federation," she added, pointedly not looking at the man.

He gaped at her. "Is she telepathic?" he asked Deanna.

Deanna hid a grin. "No, Mr. Ral, just very, very insightful on occasion."

Premier Bhavani turned to Captain Picard, looking distressed. "As you know, captain, we do not have technology sophisticated enough to know if this is true. We would ask for your help in determining if this wormhole is truly a viable resource."

"Of course," Picard said. "We will do all we can to help you. In the meantime, shall we all agree to postpone any negotiations?"

The assembled negotiators all agreed.

Picard tapped his comm badge. "Senior officers to the briefing room, please. Premier, if you would accompany us? Elle, you too."

Elle looked wistfully at the table of snacks.

Worf was the only one to directly answer the captain's hail. "Captain, here's a delegation of Ferengi who wishes to be beamed aboard, sir."

Everyone turned to look at Elle, and then Ral.

"Inform them that there no negotiations at this time," Picard said crisply. "Premier, if you would?" He nodded at the rest of the delegates. "Excuse us."

Riker escorted Troi and Elle from the room behind them. "Kicked a nice little hornet's nest, didn't you?" Riker murmured to Elle.

She grinned, unrepentant. "Sorry. But I didn't want to get up the Barvan's, or anyone else's, hopes up."

"You really don't like Mr. Ral, do you?" Troi asked.

"No, I don't," Elle said frankly. "He's part-Betazoid, which gives him that edge at the poker table, but he's like, like, a beardless version of Riker without good morals."

"Thank you?" Riker said, bemused.

Troi just grinned. "I suppose you're right, Elle."

They reached the briefing room and Picard put Data and La Forge on studying the wormhole. An away team was decided upon, and the science-engineering contingent left to prep the shuttle.

"If the wormhole is useless," Premier Bhavani murmured, "what are my people going to do now?"

"Join the Federation?" Elle suggested. "You guys have great woven arts, it'd be good for your economy, free trade and all that." Behind her, she noticed Riker facepalming.

The premier gave her a smile. "It is not that simple, child. We do not agree with the Federation's rather, aggressive, tendencies."

"And yet the Federation is not at war with anyone," Elle said mildly.

"The Federation enjoys a fragile peace. And when it breaks, we do not wish to shatter with it."

"When it breaks," Elle said slowly, "the Chrysalians, or the Caldonians, will not remain neutral."

"We will," Bhavani replied.

"You wouldn't be able to afford to," Elle pointed out.

Bhavani smiled ruefully. "Which is why this wormhole is so important to us."

"Of course," Elle said. She offered her own smile. "I, really hope I'm wrong, and that this wormhole works out, and that you get the right buyer. But, um are you guys still open for trade on the wall tapestry things?"

"I thought you said you'd given up consumerism," Riker intervened, attempting to inject a little levity.

Elle grinned sheepishly. "I have a weakness for shiny things. And, I have eighty years of backpay."

Bhavani inclined her head. "I'm sure we can arrange something."

The briefing wrapped up, and Worf escorted Premier Bhavani to her quarters.

Elle glanced at Picard. "The wormhole's totally a dud, by the way. There's a whole spinoff of two of these Ferengi who get stuck in the Delta Quadrant and pose as gods, and- there's a whole thing about it."

"Do the Barvans join the Federation?" Picard asked.

"Uh, I don't know."

"You were pressing the point rather hard," he observed.

Elle grinned ruefully and tugged at her sleeves. "I got caught up in the debate. Sorry. I'll leave the negotiating to you."

"No," Picard said, offering her a smile, "it was interesting. I imagine you and Captain Kirk went through this routine many times."

Elle sighed wistfully. "Yeah. He told me I couldn't start fights, but I could finish them."

"Just don't pick a fight with Mr. Ral, please."

"No, sir." Elle's stomach grumbled and she blushed. "Excuse me, captain. There's a giant chocolate sundae calling my name."

"You must have excellent hearing," Picard deadpanned.

Elle laughed.

-/\-

By the time Elle woke up the next morning everything was over. Data and Geordi had gone to the Delta Quadrant and back, trailed by two stubborn Ferengi. They'd left the Ferengi behind in the Delta Quadrant, though La Forge didn't seem to mind.

The various factions had all gone back to their own ships, and Premier Bhavani had also left.

There was a brown-paper package on Elle's coffee table. "Simba did you get me a present?" she asked the tribble, inspecting it curiously. "Or is this a bomb and I should be calling security?"

"It's not a bomb," Alexa said helpfully. "Commander Riker dropped it off this morning. It's from Premier Bhavani."

Elle opened the package. It was a silver and green-toned tapestry of geometric designs. "For your assistance to the people of Barvan," she read from the small inscription at the bottom. "Nice. Alexa how do I hang this up on the wall?"

After the struggle that was figuring out 24th century Command strips, Elle went to eat breakfast in Ten-Forward.

"I heard you attended some very interesting negotiations, yesterday," Guinan said, smiling more smugly than enigmatically.

"Yup."

"Still think they're boring?"

"Not when they're short," Elle said. "And the negotiations, were short."

Guinan just grinned. "Maple bacon donut with that cup of tea?"

"Ooh, yes please."