It had taken Spike years to hunt down the book. But he had found it.
The Tiberius manifesto.
After…after everyone was gone and he was the last of them...he had roamed the earth trying to find a way to end his life with purpose.
It wasn't until Cordelia had found him fighting off Lurks that he had found purpose again.
After all those years to see someone that he barely had known was beyond incredible.
It had been scary.
Cordelia had been waiting for the right moment to come to him. After losing everything she had cared about…she knew that she had been tricked into becoming a PTB.
What good was all of that power when she couldn't help the people that mattered most to her.
So they had planned together, worked together in a way that reminded them too much of what they had both lost.
Within a few short weeks Cordelia had been thrown out of the PTB, but not before she had been able to get the information that they had needed.
The location of the secret library of the Council in India.
There…there they had found the truth of everything that had been kept hidden for thousands of years.
And with the truth they had known that they had to do something more than any of them had ever tried before.
They needed to go back in time and alter things.
He had prepared. They had planned. He had studied and mapped out everything that either of them could remember and what had been written down by their group.
Years had passed before they had realized that no spell would help them do such a thing…but in those years they had learned the truth about him.
About who he really was. About how they had known that he would be the one to close the Hellmouth.
It was all in the damn book.
Him falling in love with the Slayer and trying to become more because of it…it was there in cryptic writing that they had easily understood after years of prophetic literature they had studied.
It was there that it spoke of Buffy and her friends. Buffy's mother and her sister…
About his birth father betraying him and trying to kill him…
Everything that had come to pass to all of it was written in this book that had been 'lost' to time and the Watcher's Council.
Now…now kneeling down next to Joyce after she had seen the best doctors on the planet…he knew that he was changing things.
He knew he would do whatever it took to keep Joyce alive. To stop the prophecies from coming true.
"Really Spike I'm fine." Joyce said with a small smile and a pat to his hand.
"Now don't go placating me Joyce and just expect me to shove off. You should know better than that by now!" Spike said with a raising of one eyebrow.
Joyce huffed out a laugh.
"I'd swear you and Faith were actually brother and sister with the way you two act alike." Joyce said as she reached up and cupped the tip of Spike's chin and gave it a little shove.
"Oi now!"
"Come on Joyce!"
"Well that proved nothing did it?" Joyce said raising her own eyebrow at Spike as both Faith and he shouted out their objection.
Spike couldn't help but smile laughingly at her.
Buffy couldn't help but stare from her vantage point at the happiness that spread across Spike's face as well as her mother's.
Her heart began to pick up it's pace because of it. The sight of him made her feel like her insides wanted to jump out.
Like even being these few steps away from him was making her feel all kinds of badness. Like she wanted to be closer to him.
She needed to be closer to him.
If it wasn't for the reference of Faith and Spike acting like siblings she wouldn't have noticed the little traces that he himself had been staying in her home.
A few pairs of pants that were folded at the end of the sofa, the heavy drapes that now hung in the living room, the black nail polish and hair gel that were on the coffee table he was currently sitting on.
"You've had both of them living here this whole time! MOM! Are you insane?!" Buffy yelled out.
Joyce flinched at the noise and Spike whirled angry eyes at her.
And the second his eyes landed on hers she heard a voice in her head that wasn't her own, she was certain of it.
'God how long has it been since I've seen those eyes?"
It freaked Buffy on a level she couldn't even voice. She didn't even have time to worry about it as Spike turned and glared at her.
"Are you bloody stupid?!" Spike ground out standing up and moving closer to Buffy, "You find out she has a bloody tumor in her head and you start yellin' like fireworks are bloody goin' off!" Spike kept his voice in check as he looked at her for the first time in weeks.
As much as the sight of her thrilling him to his core, he knew that she would figure out that he and Faith had set up residence in the Summer's home. But he knew she had momentarily forgotten about her mother's illness with the way her eyes instantly widened and she quickly moved past him to her mother.
"It's ok sweetheart." Joyce said as Buffy laid on top of her mother and Joyce wrapped her in her arms. "Everything's going to be ok now."
"You're sick mommy…" Buffy said already crying against her mother as Joyce wrapped her up even tighter against her.
Faith and Spike just watched as Buffy cried against a shushing Joyce.
Spike was thrown at first, knowing Buffy didn't really ever breakdown. Least of all in front of him or Faith.
Maybe it was how she had found out. Maybe hearing the Initiative doctor saying that it was indeed serious that made it especially real and terrifying.
Spike looked over at Faith who also had a fearful look in her eyes, anger paired with sadness that always seemed to be in her expression was there at the moment. And a mixture of something that he had rarely ever seen in Faith's eyes.
Compassion.
Buffy pulled away sniffling from her mother, who graciously wiped away her daughter's tears.
"I'm going to be fine now Buffy. William's made sure I've got the best doctors in the world looking after me now." Joyce tried to reassure her daughter.
Oddly Buffy nodded her head, knowing that it was oddly true. Not registering that her mother had referred to Spike by his real name.
Spike had walked into the place that had rendered him powerless against humans and with no fear of the consequences to make sure the doctors looked at her mother.
Turning her head she looked at Spike with tears still glimmering in her eyes and hoped that he understood her look for the thanks she wanted to say but wouldn't come out of her mouth.
And because he knew her, better than anyone ever would he looked into her eyes and knew that she was beyond grateful.
Spike gave a little nod and looked down and away then over at Faith. A signal with his head and a nod from her and they both traveled down the hall to the basement door.
Buffy heard the door open and close before she turned back around and looked at her mother.
"Sweetheart I know what you're going to say…" Joyce began hesitantly.
"I'm glad you do. Because I have no idea where to start! You let Faith…Faith mom…a person that has tried to kill me and you…live in our home!" Buffy said as she sniffled once more.
"Buffy you need to understand…I…I found out some things. Things that…that makes me not able to turn Faith away. Things that let me know that she needs someone that won't be afraid of all the darkness in her life." Joyce tried to keep her voice soothing, but the words made Buffy wince inside and out.
"You know all about darkness in your life because of me…don't you?" Buffy's halting question making Joyce sit up and push Buffy back onto the ground and up on her knees.
"No Buffy. Not demons and slayer kind of darkness. Darkness that I did everything in my power to keep you safe from. Darkness that I suspected…but…" Joyce shook her head not wanting to say the words but knowing she would need to.
Spike was purposely listening on the conversation upstairs as he and Faith played Go-Fish.
Faith kept glancing up at the door as she held her cards in her hand and Spike would pretend that he didn't notice that she wasn't paying attention to their game.
"You gonna call?" Spike asked and Faith's eyes flew to his and away from the door.
"They been talkin' a long time up there." Faith said as she threw her cards face down on the table and got up to pace.
"Need to give them time pet. There's a lot for the both of them to process." Spike said as he watched Faith pace back and forth across the room.
"Don't know why I'm still here. Buffy won't let me stay here. No matter what she won't want me around her mom." Faith said as she pushed both of her hands in her back pocket and looked down at the ground.
"Don't think Joyce is going to let Buffy talk her out of you being here Blink. Besides…you have me. Won't let anyone hurt you. You know that."
Faith turned to look at Spike and could see that he was being honest.
"Yeah…I do."
Spike slowly smirked at her and with a motion with his head told her to come back to the table.
Faith let out a sigh and did just that.
Picking up her cards she grimaced at her hand. How the hell he was winning was beyond her.
Note to self…never play poker with Spike.
"You got any sevens?" Faith's looked up and stared at him suspiciously.
Spike just gave her an evil smile.
"Go Fish!"
Spike laughed at the glare Faith immediately gave him.
"It's just a game pet. And don't forget….I love you even if you lose." Spike said with a sincere smile on his face.
Faith felt the surge of emotions run through her as he said the three words that had been denied her a lifetime.
The really scary part was she knew he meant it.
He had held her and trained with her these last few weeks and there was no shred of sexual ANYTHING with how he had been treating her.
She had really felt like she had a sibling when he was around. Spike really did love her. And she had grown to love him.
"I'm not giving you any of my blood!" Faith said with a smirk as she looked down at her cards.
"OI! I'm not the one that made the bet!" Spike said with an annoyed look on his face.
"Didn't see you refusin' it?!" Faith said with an incredulous look on her face.
Spike forced himself to roll his eyes.
"If I ever start refusin' Slayer blood it's when you're actually wounded! Given freely it's fair game." Spike said as he looked down at his cards.
He felt sick to his stomach the second she had declared the 'bet' when they entered the basement.
Remembering Faith's death the second the words were out of her mouth.
But he couldn't act as if the thought of blood made him sick now could he?
Trouble was…Faith had been around him so much the last few weeks that she immediately read the look on his face as he looked down at his cards.
He was upset. He was trying not to show it but…she could tell. He had gotten worked up over what she had said.
"It was just a…I just didn't want to think about what Buffy was being told upstairs. Didn't want to think about how she was gonna act around me now." Faith said looking down at her cards and not really seeing what they were.
Spike was the one to throw down his cards this time. Unfortunately the sound covered the opening of the door to the basement.
"I don't care how she acts around you! Bloody hell! It doesn't matter what Buffy thinks! Or what I think! What matters is how youact Faith. Look…I love you! I love the girl that I've gotten to know these past few weeks. The one that told me what she liked. What she thought. What she felt. Doesn't matter what any wanker says about you. You be you! No making jokes or comments to deflect how you really feel!"
Buffy's heart all but stopped when she heard Spike say 'I love you' to Faith.
She listened to his tirade and couldn't help but feel a surge of hatred and jealousy towards Faith that she had thought she could never experience after listening to what her mother had told her. But hearing how Spike cared about Faith made the most violent thoughts instantly form in her brain.
Her mind had also instantly envisioned Faith underneath Spike.
Moving against him like she herself had in every single dream she had ever dreamed of him making love to her.
Though in the dreams it always felt as though…as though it was just…sex. She knew she could never do something like that.
But in the dreams it was almost like someone else was there with her…telling her it was just physical. That there was nothing more. That she stupidly wouldn't let it be more.
Her heart sure felt differently at the moment.
Everything in her was telling her differently.
Something inside her was screaming in agony hearing Spike say he loved Faith. Her face hardened as well as her heart. No matter what she couldn't let Spike manipulate Faith into becoming evil.
"I'm scared Spike."
Buffy's inner thoughts stopped as she heard Faith's whispered confession. Faith sounded…she…she sounded lost. Like a child.
Spike sighed and got up and went to kneel down in front of Faith.
Faith was on the verge of crying when Spike tilted up her face. "Hey, nothin' wrong with being scared. Nothing wrong with telling Buffy how you really feel. Look…she could have killed me the instant I showed up at her Watcher's flat…but she didn't. As much as I've killed and hurt people…her own friends mind you…she didn't hurt me. And me…I'm…" Spike let out another long sigh as he looked down at the ground, "I'm dispensable. I'm nothing to her but an impediment."
"Don't say that!" Faith's anger at him saying something against himself.
"Just stating facts Blink. But you…you're as much a part of Buffy as Joyce is. No matter how much you two will fight…and fight…you're always going to be family. She know's it…and now you do. Don't give up on yourself because I won't…and knowing the Slayer…she won't either." Spike gave a small smirk.
Faith looked away from him, "Sleeping with her boyfriend put a nail in that coffin bleach boy."
Spike shook his head. " You're worth saving Faith…no matter what that noggin of yours keeps trying to tell you."
Buffy heard the distinct sound of a kiss and felt her heart heave and tighten and before she knew what the hell happened, she was opening the door and walking down the stairs.
Strangely Spike had stayed crouched by Faith's side and had simply turned his head as he heard Buffy descend the stairs.
From the look on her face he could tell he would be stealing some of his father's Glenlivet scotch that night. She was angry…and when Buffy was angry he tended to feel it right in the middle of his face.
But then he saw the way her eyes flickered between Faith and he…and he was positive the look in her eyes was jealousy. He had seen that look in this basement hundred's of years ago…but he still remembered the thrill he felt at knowing she felt that way towards him.
The only problem was that…this time…this time he would stay out of her way. He would watch her live a life free of him.
He would make sure that things changed in her best interests...and that meant he would never tell her how he felt. How much he loved her. How she made a dead thing feel alive once more.
"Sorry for interrupting. Actually…nope…not sorry." Buffy said looking at him with a murderous look.
She wanted to punch his stupid face for having kissed Faith. The betrayal she felt made absolutely no sense and still the sting of it felt like a slap to her face.
Buffy looked at Faith who avoided eye contact with Buffy.
"I leave you two to talk." Spike said and then stood up as Faith whipped her head to look at him in shock that he would leave her alone with Buffy.
"Talking…verbal sparring only while I check on Joyce. Don't want to upset her hearing the two of you trading blows…do I make myself clear?" Spike said with authority as he looked away from Faith's eyes to Buffy's…who looked down ashamed for second – as if he had read her mind.
With a glance back at Faith and gave her a little nod before he travelled back upstairs and closed the door to the basement.
True to his word he went over to Joyce and smiled at her as she finally sat upright with a smirk on her face.
"So that was your big plan? Kind of impressed if I must say…but incredibly stupid to put yourself in that position!" Joyce said with a highly raised brow.
Spike waved her off, "It's nothin' to worry your sweet little head about mum. Whatever would have happened would have been worth it."
Joyce shook her head with a small smile tugging at her lips. "You're incorrigible."
An evil smile spread over Spike's lips. "And don't you forget it!"
Both laughed and Spike bent down to place a kiss on Joyce's head with a softness that would have shocked many…but not Joyce.
"You young man are quite the enigma."
"Part of my charm mum."
Joyce laughed as she looked up at him.
"Need to go do somethin' for a little while. I'll try to be back as fast as I can…but I might take more time then I thought…depends on how the little twerp handles seein' me."
"Who?" Joyce asked with a furrowed brow.
Spike smiled. "Johnathan."
"Oh William, you're not going to hurt the boy are you? He might have done something pretty horrible but…"
"No mum…I'm actually going to befriend him. He and another of his soon to be friends. Andrew. You never met him before…but…he becomes part of the family. A little on the geek side…but he's a good person. Gonna see to it this time that he becomes part of the group sooner than before. Cause less of a heartache from how it went before."
Joyce looked confused. "Well then why are you going to see Johnathan? Why not just see Andrew?"
Spike sighed and sat in front of Joyce on the coffee table.
"Because as much as I hate admitting it…especially aloud…" Joyce smiled at the way Spike rolled his eyes up in annoyance, "Andrew is family. And the biggest regret he ever had involves Johnathan. So…I'm hoping bringing Johnathan into the group as well as Andrew…gives Andrew a bit more happiness. And from the endless blubbering Andrew always forced me to listen to…Johnathan needs more help then anyone thinks. Buffy stopped him from committing suicide in high school. Did she ever tell you about that?"
The look of shock and concern on Joyce's face as she shook her head showed that she most definitely had never heard that story.
"You're girl is a hero to that boy. And I think if I just get him to admit to Buffy that he wants to help her…that what he did was an attempt for someone to pay attention to him…I think he'd be an invaluable part of the group. As you can see he knows about the supernatural world…and from what Andrew always told me he's incredible in computers and science."
Joyce looked at Spike in wonder. "You really thought this through…didn't you?"
Spike gave her a tired smile. "When all you have is time…every 'what if' runs through your mind. Every decision…every fight…every word…it becomes an endless puzzle you can't stop working on. Getting the chance to do those 'what if's' makes you ever more aware of your actions. Of overthinking…of thinking little of things. How things you deemed nothing before are huge somethings you know should have been different."
Joyce slowly nodded her head in understanding and lowered her head. " I know you're doing everything you can William." Then Joyce looked up into his eyes. "But I can help you. If…you need…someone to help you figure things out with…know that I'm here for you…anytime."
Spike smiled and felt happiness bloom in his chest at her words. " Know that mum…appreciate it."
Joyce smirked and patted his hands before getting up and having Spike be the one to clutch her hands as she stood.
"You go on now dear. Just make sure your home before the sun comes up."
"You sure you don't need me…" Spike stopped talking when Joyce gave him the evil eye look only mother's could give.
"There will be no more sweeping me off my feet young man. Now go!"
Spike watched Joyce begin the trek to climb the stairs with a smile on his face.
Then with a nod…he made his way to the front door and began to make his way to Johnathan's home. Having learned it in the last few weeks after the spell had begun.
He knew it was just the beginning of things…but he was determined to change things. In the end…his family was worth every sacrifice and every moment spent planning.
In the end…they… were his home.
Author's Note: Ok people leave a review and let me know what you think!