"Elle, I have a favor to ask you."

Elle eyed Lyssa suspiciously. "I don't want to babysit toddlers anymore. I'm doing engineering shifts."

"I know," Lyssa said. "But it's one specific child."

"Ahni?" Elle asked.

Lyssa nodded. "She's going through a brain-growth phase, and her telepathy and emotional receptors are particularly sensitive during this phase of growth. Her mom's on short-term assignment on Starbase 313, and you're her favorite person besides her father, who is working Gamma Shifts."

"She won't sleep through the night?"

"Not without her mom. Or you, maybe?" Lyssa gave her a pleading gaze. "It's only for two weeks. Please?"

Elle sighed. "Fine. But you have to inform my teachers. I'm already behind on stuff."

"Thank you thank you, you're the best." Lyssa hugged her tightly and handed her a PADD. "Here's the schedule, the info, and all that. Can you start tonight?"

"I mean, I guess."

So right before Gamma shift, Elle woke up, drank two shots of espresso, and headed down to Lieutenant Ritte's family's quarters. "Babysitter," she called, poking her head in when the door opened itself.

"In here," Lt. Ritte called, and right on cue, a very familiar cry. He bustled out of the bedroom and plopped Ahni into Elle's arms, and the baby stopped wailing. He gaped. "It's like magic!"

Elle smiled and shifted Ahni in her arms as Ahni made a grab for Elle's ponytail. "We have an understanding," she said dryly.

"Wish I could understand it," he said with a sigh. "I'm a full telepath the same as her mother and she won't settle with me."

"Bababababa," Ahni said, blowing her father a smacking kiss.

"Yes, I have to go to work. Be good for Elle, baby." Lt. Ritte waved at his kid and was out the door, chugging a Betazed caffeinated tea like it was water.

Elle looked at Ahni. "I see why you can't settle down with him. You gonna behave with me?"

Ahni leaned forward and pressed a wet kiss to Elle's cheek. "Ah bweh."

Elle smiled fondly. "I missed you too."

Ahni looked around for a while, content to chew on Elle's ponytail as Elle poked around looking for diapers, formula, mushed foods, and toys. Once Elle got the lay of the land, Ahni fell asleep.

Elle silently fist-pumped and then moved to lay Ahni down on the bed. As soon as Elle let go, Ahni's eyes snapped open and she started to whimper. "No, no no, it's okay," Elle whispered frantically, scooping her back up. "Please go back to sleep."

It took another ten minutes of walking around in circles, patting the back, before Ahni finally settled down and went back to sleep. Elle was not going to risk setting her down again. She perched on the edge of the sofa. No change. Elle shuffled back to lay on the couch. No change. She relaxed. Okay. We can do this.

The next thing she knew, Lt. Ritte was coming into the cabin, tiptoeing. "You got her to sleep," he whispered, relieved. "Awesome."

"I can't put her down," Elle whispered back. "She cries."

"Can you take her to daycare?" he asked.

Elle gave him a thumbs-up.

Ahni started crying before Elle even started to set her down.

"Right. Baby telepath." Elle picked her back up. "You cannot come with me to gym, Worf will have my head. But I'll come get you if you be quiet during math, okay?"

She blew a spit bubble.

Elle took that as a sign of agreement and fled.

Thus began her new routine: arrive, put the baby to sleep, sleep, drop her off for non-negotiable self-defense training and mok'bara class, pick baby back up to attend her morning classes, pass baby off the Lt. Ritte, and repeat. Not terrible.

"I could've made a killing if I'd done this in my universe," Elle said, laying flat on the floor as Satel and Tyler played chess above her head. "No twelve-dimensional math models, no quantum physics. Just babysitting."

"But are you as good with non-telepathic children?" Satel asked.

"I don't know. The toddler swim class liked me."

"They like anyone who throws 'em in the water," Tyler replied. He moved his knight.

"You're gonna regret that," Elle told him.

"Be quiet, let me my own mistakes."

-/\-

Commander Riker looked entirely too smug for it being 3 in the morning on a Thursday. It was his turn to run Gamma Shift, so this was his 'daytime', but still. Either Deanna had agreed to marry him, or he'd just won a bet.

Elle wandered over to him. "What's with that face?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow at her, still grinning. "Why are you up at 3 in the morning?"

Elle unwrapped the giant poncho around her shoulders. "Babysitting." Ahni grumbled mutinously and Elle hastily wrapped her back up. "Today is 'walk the entire ship' day," Elle sighed. "And we were doing so well."

"Ouch."

"My endurance training with Worf is really paying off," Elle said. "The gear backpack is much heavier than a baby."

He snorted. "Well, at least there's that. Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're picking up a guest on Starbase 313."

"Who?"

"Dr. Leah Brahms."

Elle's jaw dropped. "Ooooooh, Geordi's in trouble."

Riker snorted. "Professionally or personally?"

"Both," Elle said. "Have you told him to wipe his hologram history?"

"I will payyouto go tell him that."

"Easy money," Elle shot back. "Also, all the modifications we've made, Dr. Brahms is going to be so mad he messed with her design."

Riker considered this. "You're right. I will pay you double to record that meeting."

Elle grinned wickedly. "The good chocolate?"

He held out a hand. "Deal."

She shook. "Awesome."

Ahni took exception to standing on one spot - loudly.

"Okie byeeeee," Elle said, walking away hastily.

-/\-

"Geordi, calm down."

"I am perfectly calm."

Elle winced as Ahni tugged at her hair. "You are stressing out my child."

"Sorry. It's just, Leah Brahms!"

"I know," Elle said. "You realize she's married right?"

"I know. Still, I think she's awesome. Leah Brahms and I are going to be good friends." He beamed and headed off to the Transporter Room.

Elle hurried after him. She had an entire chocolate supply riding on this moment. Ahni giggled. One might ask, why was Elle still carrying around this child when Dr. Ritte had come back onboard? Dr. Ritte was also on Gamma SHIFT with her team. Lyssa owed Elle double chocolate.

Elle got to the transporter room just as Dr. Brahms beamed onboard, and hastily gestured to Alexa to record from the security cameras.

Geordi stepped forward, hearts in his eyes. "Hi. I mean, welcome aboard, Doctor Brahms. I'm Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge, Chief Engineer."

Dr. Brahms swept an assessing gaze over him. "La Forge. So you're the one who's fouled up my engine designs." She swept past him, giving Elle a cool nod of acknowledgment.

Geordi hurried after her, looking like someone had kicked his favorite Roomba.

Elle stifled a hysterical giggle and followed.

Dr. Brahms was ruthless in the best way, starting from the first console readouts. "The matter-antimatter ratio has been changed. The mixture isn't as rich as regulations dictate."

"Experience has shown me that too high a ratio diminishes efficiency. I worked with the mixture until I got the right balance."

"Hm. The magnetic plasma transfer to the warp field generators doesn't correspond to the recommended specs."

He pinched his nose. "Right. Again, I adjusted the flow. Sometimes things happen a little differently here is space than they do on the drawing board."

Her eyebrow went up. "Is that a criticism, Commander?"

"No, of course not. It's just a well-known fact. There's theory and there's application. They don't always jibe."

Behind Dr. Brahms, Elle gave him a supportive thumbs-up. Bonus points for the word 'jibe.'

"You've charted a completely new swap-out schedule for main components replacement."

He snorted. "You bet. I found the Starfleet estimates for the MTBF units to be unrealistic. I simply determined my own schedule based on observation and experience."

"Is that going to be your only defense, Commander, that same tired rhetoric? Out here in the field, we learn things you designers couldn't possibly understand." Accompanied by sarcastic air quotes.

Oop. That got Geordi's back up. "In the first place, Doctor, I'm not aware of needing any defense. And in the second place, if you're determined to be-"

Elle's head bobbed back and forth, watching them spar verbally. Even Ahni was engaged, her eyes bright with interest.

"-And why is there a child shadowing us through Engineering?" Dr. Brahms asked, pointing at Elle.

"Two children, actually," Elle replied, turning slightly so Brahms could see Ahni on Elle's back.

"Why are you here? This is a secure area."

"Don't worry," Elle said dryly, "I swept the baby for bugs."

La Forge facepalmed behind her.

Elle held out a hand. "Elle Wilcott, civilian mission consultant, also an engineering intern in my copious amounts of spare time."

Brahms squinted at her. "You look familiar."

"Really?"

"Have you been to the HQ Corps of Engineers?"

"Yeah," Elle said. "Oh, you probably saw me in Scotty's office."

"You know Captain Scott?"

Elle grinned. "Yes, I do."

Brahms frowned. "No, that can't be it. I was looking at the photos he has of his old Enterprise crew. Did your grandmother serve with him?"

Elle choked on a laugh. "No, no I can safely say it was not my grandmother."

"But you, oh." Brahms' eyebrows went up. "Oh. So you were on the original Enterprise."

"Yes, I was," Elle said. "And trust me, La Forge is not nearly as happy-go-lucky with Star Fleet recommendations as Scotty was."

"Huh."

The fearless engineer got called away by a private comm, and La Forge and Elle shared a glance. "It's going terrible," Geordi said glumly. "She hates me."

"You're not going for BFFs," Elle said, "relax. Don't let her walk all over you." She patted him on the shoulder. "This has been fun but I have to go return Ahni to her mom for breakfast. Don't die!"

"Thanks."

Elle left Engineering and waited till she was in the turbolift. "Alexa, did you get all that?"

"I did, yes."

"Excellent. Can you send it to me, and to Commander Riker?"

"Done."

"Alexa, you're amazing."

"I know."

-/\-

"C'mon, baby, stop crying." Elle rubbed at her eyes. "Please stop crying."

Ahni kept crying.

Elle patted her on the back, pacing up and down the apartment. "Please? Pretty pretty please?"

No go.

Elle winced at the particularly high shrill. She'd tried distracting her, walking her, ignoring her, humming... "Okay, let's go with heathen 21st-century babysitting ways," she decided and pulled out her tablet. "Hmm, let's see, the video library. What do you want, dancing tomatoes? No. Ooh. Perfect."

The grating, equally dulcet tones of Baby Shark filled the air. "Baaaaby Shark do do do doo doo do doo, Baby Shark..."

Ahni abruptly stopped crying. She stared at the screen.

Elle stayed silent and prayed.

The little bobbing cartoons kept the baby's attention.

"Mind-numbing music videos for the win," Elle whispered.

The song ended.

Ahni took a deep breath, tears already starting to form.

Elle hastily hit the replay button. "Alexa, keep replaying that song until she goes to sleep," Elle ordered.

Ahni allowed herself to be set down on the floor with the tablet. Elle stretched out on the floor next to her, emotionally exhausted. Around the tenth rendition of Baby Shark, Elle fell asleep.

She woke up to find Ahni sacked out on the floor next to her, thumb in her mouth. The tablet was still playing Baby Shark.

"Do not turn it off," Alexa said sternly. "If you turn it off she wakes up."

Elle stretched. "Ooh, Lt. Ritte's gonna hate my guts."

"Which is worse? Crying or Baby Shark?"

Elle couldn't argue with Alexa's logic.

-/\-

"I think it is very good of you to help the Ritte's," Troi was saying.

"I can't believe she didn't go with you either, though," Elle said. "You're the calmest person on this ship besides Data."

Troi smothered a grin. "Not true, but thank you. I think I'm too similar to Dr. Ritte, and Ahni gets mad I'm not her."

"Did she hit the whistle notes?"

"Yes."

"Ouch."

"Not that the habits of tiny telepaths are not stimulating conversation," Picard said, "but do you know anything about this anomaly we're approaching?"

Elle refocused on the viewscreen. "Looks like a blob," she offered.

Picard snorted. "Ensign Granger, anything?"

"The anomaly is orbiting the seventh planet, sir. It is a mass of plasma energy contained within discrete boundaries by an outer covering of silicates, actinides, and carbonaceous chondrites."

"Is it a ship?"

"It does not conform to any known design," Worf said.

Riker stroked his beard. "Any records of similar phenomena in Starfleet listings?"

"None, sir. This has never been seen before."

"Space whale," Elle said. "It's giving off definite 'space whale'."

"Sensors are having difficulty penetrating the interior. However, the radiated output suggests a coherent system of energy storage and utilization."

"More like a ship, then," Riker said.

"It is a possibility. However, the sensor data gathered thus far suggests a naturally occurring phenomenon with biological properties."

"Like Tam's Tin Man," Elle said. "But more space whale."

"Yes."

Elle frowned. "Captain, recommend we hold here. This is an episode, something happens with this space whale while Dr. Brahms is here."

"All stop," Picard ordered. "What happens?"

"Something about radiation?" Elle snapped her fingers. "Data, can you tell if that thing's pregnant?"

Data blinked rapidly. "Pregnant?"

She grinned. "Yes! This is that episode! Mom dies, baby imprints on the ship, we have to shake it off. That's the one."

Riker laughed. So did Data, the traitor. "A baby space whale imprints on the Enterprise?" Riker repeated. "That's an episode? That's impossible."

Elle wrinkled her nose. "Don't say that. The universe takes it like a challenge. And besides, since we're staying well away, the mom's not gonna charge us and we're not gonna kill it on accident."

Picard blanched. "We most certainly are not. Ensign Granger, take us out of the solar system, I want to be well away from this mother's territory."

"Aye, captain."

The Enterprise moved away, just on the edge of sensor range. "Are we going to wait and see the baby?" Elle asked.

"Yes. We still need to chart this solar system. Hopefully, we can find out more about these creatures as we go."

"Awesome."

They sent out probes to map the rest of the solar system and shadowed the pregnant space whale as it moved slowly through the solar system.

"Where is it going?" Riker asked. "Is this a breeding migration path?"

"We could extrapolate its destination," Data said, bringing up another console display. "One moment."

"How is Dr. Brahms settling in?" the captain asked, in the ensuing silence.

Elle grinned widely. "Oh, she's great."

Riker barked out a laugh. "A little combative, don't you think?"

"She'll settle down," Elle said. "In the meantime, you can catch the Geordi and Leah show in Main Engineering."

"It's good for him," Riker agreed.

"Captain, I have completed the analysis of the parent's course through this system," Data announced and put it up on the screen.

"It's headed for an asteroid belt," Elle said. "That tracks, right? Lots of yummies in there."

Worf frowned. "Difficulty getting a clear sensor reading beyond four thousand kilometers."

"You're correct, Elle. The asteroids contain large quantities of meklonite, which is interfering with our scanners. I am also detecting traces of kephneum, a compound found in the outer shell of the parent being. It is likely the asteroids provide sustenance for this lifeform, sir." Data frowned. "They are incredibly radioactive."

"Back us off another thousand kilometers," Picard ordered. "I don't want to alarm it."

Elle kicked her foot absently. "We need David Attenborough. The majestic space whale moves slowly through the plane of the solar system..." She looked at Picard. "I bet you could do a great documentary voiceover."

"If my career in Star Fleet ever winds down, I will consider it," Picard deadpanned.

"Your actor in my universe was great at audiobooks," Elle mentioned. "Of course, he was also on the stage most of the time. Ooh, he had a pitbull when I left."

"Want a dog, captain?" Riker asked.

"No thank you," Picard said politely. "I am satisfied with my fish."

-/\-

The Enterprise trailed the space whale through the solar system until the creature reached the asteroid belt and met up with another group of the space whales. A pod?

"Can you communicate with them?" Elle asked Johnny Carson.

"No," he said. "Wrong types of waves."

"Oh."

Ahni pressed a slobbery fist to the glass. "Mmm," she said, and squealed when one of the navigation belugas pressed its nose to the glass. "Eeeh!"

"Is that your podling?" Johnny Carson asked.

"No, I'm borrowing her."

"Ah."

-/\-

To Elle's great delight, she was allowed to work on the reports and papers about the radioactive space whales. "Mom and Junior Space-Whale. Space-Whale is hyphenated."

"We cannot call them Mom and Junior."

"Yes we can! If Canada could name their green lights STEVE we can named them Mom and Junior."

"Ba!" Ahni added emphatically.

"Fine."

"Bahhhhhby sha!" Ahni said, and stabbed a stubby finger at the picture of the space whale.

Elle's jaw dropped. "Did you just say baby shark? Were those your first words?"

"Baahhhby sha!" Ahni said again, pleased.

Elle kissed the baby's head. "Good job," she praised. "Good job. Hey, let's go show your mom your new trick!" She hustled her down to Dr. Ritte's department. "Dr. Ritte, doctor, look!" Elle held up a picture of a shark. "Ahni, what's this?"

"Baaahhby shaaa!" Ahni said.

Dr. Ritte's jaw dropped. She started to smile, tears filling her eyes. "Your first words, baby, good job!" She scooped Ahni up and covered her in kisses. "I wish your background noise wasn't Baby Shark on repeat, but good job!"

Ahni giggled excitedly.