Chapter 18

Lauren, Sayid and Locke watched an orientation video explaining the role Lauren volunteered for. The Dharma Initiative was a group from the 70s that built The Swan Hatch, station 3. They had built it to study electromagnetism on the island, but there was some sort of incident. Now, every 108 minutes the button must be pushed, the alarm sounds 4 minutes before the countdown concludes and the computer could be used for nothing else. When the video ended, Lauren felt flushed. Her job sounded simple, but would she be alone again? Lauren stood up without saying anything and went straight towards the panty.

After 15 minutes of searching the pantry, Lauren feared there wasn't any powdered milk to be found. Sayid was vehemently against her plan, and stayed in the living room to keep an eye on the Scotsman, Desmond. Locke assisted her in the pantry. They found ranch dressing, green beans, peanut butter, and even mac and cheese. Sugar, flour, baking soda… on and on they looked, until finally Locke looked under the bottom shelf, and found a small pallet of evaporated milk. Lauren counted the cans, 20. Lauren had no idea if this would even work, but the baby was starving and needed something more than coconut milk.

She exited the pantry and went to Sayid and handed him the pallet of cans.

"Take this to Kate."

"I'm not leaving you here," his voice was pleading with Lauren and her heart skipped a beat. Why does he care so much?

"Sayid, Aaron will die without this… I have to do this…"

"You don't know what this even is! It could be nothing, it could cause radiation exposure, we don't know!"

"The unknown isn't always dangerous, Sayid."

"But electromagnetism is! Your argument is flawed, Lauren. I know you think you're being noble, but you don't have to do this."

"Noble? Sayid, you don't know me! If pushing that button means that I don't have blood on my hands, then fine, call me noble! But your fear is unwarranted, Desmond has been fine the entire time he's been down here!"

"Fine? You call drunk and depressed fine? You are embarking on a path without end, who will relieve you when rescue comes? Who will "save the world" then? Or will you stay behind?" Sayid was breathing heavily as he argued with Lauren. She bit her lip, she hadn't thought that far ahead.

The alarm in the geodome began to beep. Lauren looked into Sayid's eyes before walking towards the computer. He quickly set down the cans and reached out and grabbed her arm, he pulled her close to him, their noses almost touching.

"Lauren, please, what if it's not real? You will be trapped here for nothing."

"We're already trapped, Sayid. The button… it might be real, it might not. But I have to do this… and you have to go. Take those to Kate. I'll be alright."

"Why do you find it so easy to believe that?"

"It's never been easy, Sayid. I just have to."

Lauren walked away and Sayid let her. She pushed the button, the timer flipped back to 108, and when Lauren returned to the main room, Sayid was gone.

****Flashback****

Lauren inhaled and immediately started hacking up a lung. Her boyfriend, Drew, took the joint out of her hand as she tried to regain control over herself. Lauren's heart was racing, and she could feel the familiar fluttery feeling of a high settling into her body. At the moment, it was in her head, as she coughed and coughed. When she was able to breathe, she giggled. How funny it was that in just two weeks, she would graduate. Two weeks, and her life would actually start. Or so she thought.

Drew handed the joint back after he took a couple drags. Lauren took it and took a much smaller hit, this time exhaling smoothly. Drew gave her an impressed nod, and Lauren started giggling again. She'd only just started smoking, the stress of school and her impending future had become too much, and her good friend Hanna had given her some to relax. Lauren liked the heady highs, but occasionally the fluttery feeling would land on her chest and she felt like her heart was going to explode. When that happened, she could only think of Zane and what he must have felt as he died. The thoughts would swirl around in Lauren's paranoid brain, until she was convinced she needed to go to the hospital. Drew would put on a nature documentary, rub her feet, and she would calm down, but still her thoughts would center on Zane and his heart.

"When's that job interview you told me about?" Drew said, ashing the joint into the glass ashtray Lauren had bought from a thrift store. As he did so, Lauren appreciated her find. It was crystal and shaped like a lotus flower. There were eight petals flaring out, and it was larger than Lauren's palm. She was staring at the ashtray, disassociating, when Drew waved his hand in front of her face. "Lauren… you good?"

"Yep," she giggled softly, "It's on Tuesday at 11."

"Are you ready? I mean, it's your dream job, right?"

"Ummmmm….. I think that I know what I want and I am going to get it. My GPA is great, I'm highly ranked in my class, and I have some experience working under Professor Holloway." Despite her calm answer, the question had sent the high from her head to her chest, and the thump, thump, thump of her heart was getting faster and faster.

"Professor Holloway's like 100 years old, did you get a recommendation letter already?"

"He's 84, and yes…" Lauren felt like she might start hyperventilating.

"Good, wanna go inside?" Drew could tell she was getting upset, so they left the patio of Lauren's duplex and went inside. Lauren snuggled into the crevice of the couch, hoping that maybe the velvet texture would smooth everything out. The truth was, Lauren wasn't very confident she would get the job. There were four other people Lauren knew that got interviews, and one of them was Naomi, some British international student, who Lauren assumed slept her way to the top of everything. Lauren had the experience necessary for the job, but Drew was right… Holloway would only be able to vouch for her for so long.

Drew put on a silly nature show, and the two laid on the couch lazily, but Lauren felt trapped in her own body. The fluttering of her heart in her chest wasn't all that she was experiencing, her head felt dizzy every time she blinked, and her eyes and mouth felt dryer than the Sahara. Maybe this isn't for me… Lauren thought about the high, but a part of her thought about the job, too. The role was at the Children's Hospital of New Orleans as a Child Life Specialist. She would be encouraging and supporting children through their hospital stays and Lauren was convinced this was the right place for her… but yet her mind raised its doubts. She had no experience with children aside from babysitting for a few summers, and it wasn't like those kids were going through the hardest times of their lives. Lauren didn't even like sick people or hospitals, that's why she didn't become a nurse or go to medical school. Why am I doing this? Lauren wondered, her heart still racing away from her. Well… I know I want to help kids, and who among the many kids needs it the most? Sick kids. I know I want to work with mental health, and kids are probably the most anxious and hopeless when they're in the hospital… Lauren could think of plenty of reasons why her chosen aspiration was noble, but could she do it? Could she stand in front of a dying kid and encourage him to go on?

After an episode of the show they were watching, Lauren's heart rate started to slow down. The dizziness went away, but her stomach started growling. The interview isn't for a few days… I'll worry about it then… Lauren left the couch to retrieve a snack, and when she returned all the paranoia had left her body, and she was laughing and eating like nothing happened.

****Flashback Ends****

Lauren couldn't tell if night had fallen yet, but she had pressed the button three times before anyone joined her in the hatch. After Sayid left with the cans of evaporated milk, Desmond was released and Locke returned to camp to own up to his role in Boone's death. Lauren was alone in the geodome, staring at the blank computer monitor, when Kate appeared in front of her, holding Aaron. Lauren was so engrossed in the endless flashing of the cursor that she didn't hear them come in. The only thing that grabbed her attention was that Aaron had the hiccups.

"Oh my god! You scared me, Kate."

"Sorry… Locke brought Jack and I back to see what he was talking about. I asked if I could come in first to talk to you." Kate had long curly brown hair that was currently tied into a bun on the top of her head. She had one strand hanging to the side of her face, and Aaron had his tiny fingers gripped around it.

"Oh… what's up?" Lauren hadn't spoken to Kate but once. Once after the baby was born, Lauren had brought her some water and a better blanket for the baby. Lauren offered her help, but Kate was distracted. After the baby was taken by Rousseau, Lauren didn't speak at all, but Kate had said thank you.

"I don't really know how to say this right… but thank you… again. You've saved Aaron twice now, both times putting yourself at risk and I just want to tell you how grateful I am."

"No problem… I just want to do my part to help."

"Is that really why?"

Lauren didn't want to break down. She had managed to hold it together after the crash, after the French signal, after Rousseau, but she knew what would cause her to fall apart. She couldn't handle the baby dying. Not again.

"When I went to Tulane, I majored in Early Childhood Development…"

"I thought you were a flight attendant?"

"I am er, I was. But I used to want to work with kids… I got a job at a hospital in New Orleans, but there were so many sick kids whose families couldn't afford for them to be there. Louisiana is one of the poorest states in the U.S., and there's an area between New Orleans and Baton Rouge called 'Cancer Alley' because of all the chemical plants... I lost a lot of kids, and the government just ignored the crisis… I couldn't do it anymore."

Kate was silent, but Aaron continued to hiccup. There was 38 minutes left on the countdown, and Lauren had been sitting for a long time. She stood up and smiled at Kate.

"But… this little guy is a fighter, he's going to make it," Lauren sounded confident, but internally she knew, just like the formula, the cans would run out eventually.

Kate nodded and returned her smile, "Would you like to hold him?"

Lauren balked for a moment, but Kate was already placing Aaron into her arms. Lauren looked down into the infant's eyes, they were dark blue for now, but they could change. He had red cheeks from being on the beach, but otherwise he was healthy. He had grown quite a bit since they found the formula, a miracle given how little there had actually been. He was warm in Lauren's arms, and he had the classic newborn smell, but it was mixed with the saltiness of the ocean. He hiccuped again and Lauren laughed softly. From that moment on, Lauren, Kate and Aaron were never far from each other.