Dark thought's and conspiracies I could never have even dared to dream cloud my mind as I make my way to my ship, so much so I'm startled as a reporter suddenly appears and I'm rudely brought back to reality.
"Hope, can you comment on your mother's nomination to become First Senator?"
I force myself to stop and be polite as Mom's trained me to be and use her own words. "It is not about a position, she simply wishes for the senators to stop bickering and act so there can be peace between the government parties and action to move bills forward through the senate."
She goes for further questions but I continue walking with my head down as she calls out after me and quickly disappear to find my ship in the docking bay near the Naberrie family home, leaving without a goodbye will cause a stir but I just can't just sit there smiling and pretending everything is fine when it isn't, I can't keep pretending to be a person I'm not to keep everyone happy.
I can't sit there after the vision I just saw. Darth Vader investigating Padmé's death himself. It makes no sense, it goes against everything they believed about her death.
And so R2 and I follow the trail to Polis Massa without giving myself any time to second guess despite R2's protests. With my modified hyperdrive the journey isn't overly long thankfully, a few hours, and I silently again thank Dad for the illegal addition to my ship that ensures it's faster than any other civilian crafts, not that I've had a reason to have need for it, yet.
"How about after this we go see Dad?" I suggest to R2, knowing I won't want to go back to Naboo and certainly will not want to go to Hosnian Prime when Mom learns what happened. "The Five Sabers is on which means I'll actually know where he is for once."
He beeps in agreement but still tries to deter me from my current course as we enter the station on Polis Massa. I know it to be a former Rebel base that was all but destroyed by Imperial troops, but some of it still stands.
For a moment I wonder where the hell I'm even going as we land outside the starport, but a vision of Vader entering the building leads the way. Very cautiously I follow and detect no lifeforms, entering the ruins to see a hologram of a ship and hear the droid telling Vader "A Naboo J-Type star skriff, transporting Padmé Amidala and two droids." I look at R2 who still refuses to tell me anything, before having to remind myself he can't see what I'm seeing. "Flown by the notorious Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Kenobi," Vader says and feel my throat tighten at the sound of his voice, the darkness that reverberates through that single word suffocating.
"She was injured, he apparently brought her here to try to save her life."
The sound of a coordinated attack shakes the walls of the building, but still I follow Vader until we reach the room he's searching for and suddenly bright light fills the space. Looking around I find myself behind the glass of an operating room standing beside Obi-Wan Kenobi and another creature Luke always speaks so highly of, Master Yoda, and- and a man I've never seen before with my own eyes.
Bail Organa.
"Medically she's completely healthy, for reasons we can't explain we are losing her."
"She's dying?" Obi-Wan exclaims while Bail looks past the medical droid in concern and I follow his gaze to find her there on a surgical table. Her stoic face is enshrined in stone and stainglass windows, a common feature on Naboo, and yet I've never seen her like this. Broken.
"She has lost the will to live. We need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies."
"Babies?" Bail Organa repeats.
"She's carrying twins."
They stand behind the glass while she lies there alone and I hear Vader's voice behind me as the visions intercollide.
"This place-"
He feels it as well as I do that this is where she died and I'm running into the operating theatre as she begins screaming, Obi-Wan Kenobi already by her side.
"Don't give up, Padme."
I come to her other side as she tries to steady her breathing and hold her hand tight, the physical agony unlike anything I've ever felt but it's the emotional torture that brings tears to my eyes, a heart breaking and full of fear.
"Is it ..." Her eyes rolled blindly. "It's a girl. Anakin thinks it's a girl."
Obi-Wan's face filled with pain and amongst the flow of emotions pure guilt stands out the most, but for what I don't know.
"We don't know yet," Obi-Wan said. "In a minute ... you have to stay with us."
Her voice was weak. "If it's ... a girl-oh, oh no..."
Obi-Wan shared my panic as Padmé felt something go terribly wrong and looked to the medical droid. "Can't you do something?"
"All organic damage has been repaired. This systemic failure cannot be explained."
Obi-Wan squeezed her hand as if he could have kept her alive from the pressure alone and I do the same, for a moment her eyes meet mine and she looks at me in dazed confusion with my mother's dark eyes as Obi-Wan says "Padmé, you have to hold on."
She raises a weak hand to my face while Obi-Wan only looks on in concern, no doubt believing her to be hallucinating. "Padmé..."
A contraction brought her back and she cried out before gasping out to Obi-Wan "If it's a girl ... name her Leia."
The medical droids present to her a baby. "It's a boy."
She reached for him but didn't have the strength to take him, only able to touch her trembling fingers to Luke's head and smile weakly. "Luke . . ."
I'd always imagined her to be kind, gentle but commanding, always wished I could have known her, but not like this... not watching her die.
She began screaming again and I squeeze her hand tight until Obi-Wan presents her with my mother. "Leia."
Obi-Wan holds my mother in his arms as Padmé falls weak against the table.
"Padme, you have twins," Obi-Wan said desperately. "They need you-please hang on . . ."
"Anakin ... "
"Anakin-" Obi-Wan seemed to struggle to say his name. "Isn't here, Padmé."
"Anakin, I'm sorry," she whispered, her mind beginning to fade along with her body. "I'm so sorry Anakin, please, I love you..."
I'd often heard it assumed what occurred between them was a simple affair, for their marriage was known by very few, a secret known only by the few of her handmaidens who were sworn to secrecy. But she loved him, she truly loved him.
"Obi-Wan," she breathed. "There ... is still good in him." I sit upright, not understanding what she's saying, why she's saying it. "I know there is still . . ."
Tears fall down my cheeks as I feel her life force slip between my fingers and the room falls dark, again I stand in the ruins of Polis Massa. The air's cold as I look to see Vader standing with me in the room. I watch as Vader's hand hovers over an empty crib, almost longingly and I can feel pain. A pain I cannot understand but the grief... the grief is agonising.
"Padmé," Vader says and again there's a longing in his voice and slowly I realise he knew her, whatever he was before the monster, he knew her.
The memory bank of a midwifery droid is accessed and I watch as it plays for him the scene I'd witnessed and hear the analysis droid remark as she says Obi-Wan's name "That name again. He must have been very important to her-"
I watch with wide eyes as the droid is cut in half by Vader's saber as he snaps in a moment of pure impulsive violence, of- of jealousy? The blade's burning red, and as the droid hits the floor I hear my grandmothers voice again "There's good in him, I know... I know there's still..."
The vision cuts out and I stand there in the cold room feeling sick to my stomach, the lingering pain I feel through the force is strong enough it could destroy worlds.
Vader didn't kill her. Vader knew her.
And she knew him.
But he didn't just know her, he- he loved her.
And I think she might have loved him.
Reaching for my throat I look at R2, suddenly understanding Dormés warning and realise I won't find any peace in the truth. A truth I can't even bear to touch despite knowing it in my heart and darkness washes over me, unable to stop the tears I reach for R2 to steady myself and he beeps in worry.
"I saw it Artoo," I tell him. "I saw what happened here."
He beeps sadly and nudges against me in an attempt to comfort me. I bend down and rest my forehead head on his dome as I try to stifle the tears, not just tears of grief at the scene that's just played out but at what the force has shown me.
Something that changes everything if what I believe is true.
~
The chill in my bones remains all the way to Theron. I need to tell Luke what I saw, but where do I even begin? I don't even know if he would know the truth whatever it may be, and if he does... that is something I do not want to accept, that this knowledge isn't something only I've uncovered.
When the darkness in my mind becomes too much I decide to focus myself, meditation is something I'm certainly yet to master but other forms of training do work to my benefit.
Ben has always pondered the mysteries of the force, of what great powers the Jedi are capable of. He and I have an equal passion for saber training but with my training schedule I've found other unauthorised training to fill its absence since Luke's decided I'm not responsible enough to have my saber without his supervision.
And so I boot up the training droid I'd stolen and reprogrammed.
In all fairness I'd asked for one but Luke was very clear that I could not train with my saber without supervision after that one incident and therefore would not need a training droid and to instead focus on a meaningful connection with the force, meditation, mindfulness. By that logic I thought well, if I can't have my saber I need to learn to use the force itself to defend myself instead. All of the Jedi who sat meditating all day instead of learning to use the force to fight were the first to die, so I'll be ignoring Luke's ideas on that.
The intensity of the blaster shot is dialled down so a blast stings but won't stun or kill me, or cause me to lose a limb since that seems to be a common theme in the family. The speed of the blasts is also slightly slowed but over the months I've increased the speed so it almost perfectly replicates a proper blaster shot without the added risk of mortality or unconsciousness.
"Alright," I say, having developed a habit of talking to myself when R2's around but technically I'm not talking to myself if R2's with me, especially since I know he doesn't like to be ignored. "Let's do this R2."
It's Ben who's taught me most of what I know without Luke's knowledge, taking the hours to bring me to the level he's at instead of letting Luke hold me back to the same level as the other padawan's my age. Who's left me recording after recording to guide my training while I'm away from the temple. My true teacher, and soon it'll hopefully be formally.
I take a moment to centre myself, meditation is the one thing that doesn't come as easily to me as Luke and Ben. I've tried arguing that it's not a lack of trying only to be told to try harder. I think Luke knows I'm telling the truth in being simply unable to concentrate as well as they do, but he just tells me to try harder to spite me so I will in fact try harder.
I find spite an effective motivator and I need to have something to show for my six months of holochron guided training. Whilst Luke's was very unhelpful and filled with more study than hands on practice, I want to show Ben that I've made progress in the past few months with his recordings.
My eyes are closed when the blaster bolt fires and when they open it's stopped several inches from the palm of my hand. I hold it with ease but struggle in my concentration, to connect my strength in the force to the mental aptitude needed to do what Ben's asked me to do which is absorb its energy. It's something he's learning himself and believes I'm advanced enough to learn as well, and so while I hold it, inevitably sounds coming from the cockpit break my concentration and when I turn my head back I curse as the blaster bolt hit my hand.
"Ow," I curse, shaking it off. Glad I seem to be able to concentrate long enough on mechanics to have reprogrammed the training droid to not burn through my hand. "Bugger."
R2 beeps a cheeky remark and I stick my tongue out before getting back up to my feet, usually able to do better than this but I'm restless to say the least. Knowing I've likely just gotten myself expelled and that soon I'm going to get a very angry call from Mom that I am not prepared for. Not to mention what I've seen on Polis Massa. Although the thought of Mom being pissed is arguably more terrifying than the thought of what, or who, Vader may be.
Thankfully she's a hard woman to get hold of.
But maybe I'm mistaken, I have to be. I was always told Vader was a Jedi who according to Luke killed Anakin Skywalker. If Padmé was married to one Jedi it's natural to assume she was close with others, and from what I've heard of Vader whatever kindness she showed could have become twisted in his mind to something else.
All I know is the further I delve into what the truth may be the more I feel my own sanity unwinding.
Beeping tells me we've come out of hyperspace and have entered the system and so I tell R2 as I re-enter the cockpit "Let's go have one more day of freedom before Mom kills us." He beeps in correction. "Alright before Mom kills me, but don't act like you weren't encouraging me and I'm still annoyed with you. We wouldn't have had to go to Polis Massa if you'd just told me what happened there considering I saw it anyways."
He settles for that but remains defensive as we arrive on the planet Theron which is alive for the Five Sabers, the most prestigious racing competition there is, so it's only reasonable to assume Dad's here since he's gone from racing to managing the event.
The people who greet me here are far warmer than those on Hosnian Prime, or even Naboo, people who knew me growing up as just Hope Solo, Han's little girl. I walk through the crowds preparing for the races until I hear a familiar voice.
"Well, well, well, look who's made it."
"Uncle Lando!" I exclaim and quickly hug him, laughing in surprise. "I didn't expect to see you."
"And I didn't expect to see you," he says, sporting a new cape and teases. "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Yeah," I admit slowly and he just laughs.
"Well it's about time you got out of Theed," he says, an arm around my shoulders as he guides me through the crowd. "Tell me, how uptight are all those rich kids at the university, I'm all for fashion but Naboo takes it too far."
"Very," I say, finally able to take a breath of relief. "Where's Dad?"
"You know Han, always working on some beat up ship or stealing someone else's, usually mine," he answers. "Come on, this way."
He brings me away from the crowd through the official access area and takes me down to the workshop where there's only one man who'd still be in here working away while all the excitement is going on outside.
"Han, you've got a visitor," Lando grins while Dad's back is to us.
"Yeah well tell them I'm busy," he yells out in a gruff voice and I watch him straighten up as I laugh.
"Well that's not very nice after I came all this way to see you," I tease and he gets up with a broad smile on his face. "Hey Dad."
"Come here kid," he says hugging me tight and lifting me up as he asks "How long has it been?"
"Too long," I answer as he sets me back down and my smile comes easier than I thought it would. "Didn't think I'd miss the races did you?"
"Come on," he says with a hand on my shoulder as he puts the ship aside. "Let's go have a drink and you can tell me what mischief you've been getting up to on Naboo."
"Unfortunately not much," I laugh anxiously with R2 echoing my tone as he guides me to the venue's cantina.
~
We sit there together in the management section of the lounge separate from the public and it's good being somewhere no one looks at me twice.
"Here, try this," Dad says coming over with two drinks and passing me one, I sniff it and raise an eyebrow knowing I am definitely not allowed this. "Just don't tell your mother."
He gives me a wink and I try it, coughing after the first mouthful and he laughs as I say "Wow, you drink this stuff?"
"You're sixteen, you'll get used to it," he says and asks "How's your mom?"
"Not good," I say quietly and he frowns. "I haven't really talked to her since they unveiled Bail's statue on Coruscant, she called the other night but it was just about politics."
"Well, that makes two of us," he laments, taking a drink. "But I know she's busy with all this First Senator stuff, we were meant to go on a sabbatical but had to call it off. I'm surprised she hasn't brought you to the city to be one of her representatives with all the crap going on."
"Yeah well, not until I've finished university," I tell him but he knows I'm not happy.
"You hate it don't you?"
"Sola and Pooja are lovely and I know they're my family but it feels like they look at me and all they see is Padmé Amidala, the most loved queen in memory and I just-"
"Don't want the weight of that on your shoulders," he finishes and I nod relieved, knowing this is why I came here to him. "You're sixteen kid, when I was your age I was running about on Corellia doing all sorts of illegal crap and trying to find some joy in all of it. You should be acting like a teenager, not a child politician."
"I just don't want to disappoint Mom," I tell him, knowing he shares the same fears. "She wants all these big things for me, but honestly I just want to go and finish my training with Ben."
"Well, your mom might have some reservations about that," he admits and I'm confused. "She's worried about Ben, thinks there's too much of your grandfather in him."
"Grandfather?" I repeat, suddenly cold, and he's hesitant as I seek clarification. "You mean Anakin Skywalker, not Bail Organa?"
For a moment our eyes meet, realising at the panic that surges through him that he was referring to neither of them. R2 is deadly silent.
Dad swallows as if he's just been reminded of something and shakes his head, trying to brush that moment off. "Yeah the Jedi, look, your mom doesn't want you to know this and she'd kill me if she knew I was saying anything to you but he wasn't a good guy despite what Luke says."
I try not to let my fears show, having thankfully learned in my training on Naboo how to keep a neutral face as I remember my grandmother's words.
There's still good in him.
"Really?" I ask, trying to get him to talk since I know Mom won't and Luke idolises the man. "I've been sitting through my history classes on Naboo having everybody look at me whenever they mention Padmé Amidala and her Jedi protector, the famed war hero Anakin Skywalker."
"Well, he might have been one but he was also a nutcase," he says plainly and I look at his drink, wondering if he'd already had several before I came or maybe he's just getting too old to dance around things the way Mom and Luke do. "All this force stuff, after all these years I'm still wrapping my head around it, but he went down a bad path and your mom is worried Ben's heading in the same direction."
I blink at him, trying to reign in the sheer horror. For a Jedi going down a bad path can only mean one thing and after what I saw... he wouldn't be telling me this unless he trusted me with it and I nod despite feeling sick to my stomach as I ask "Is Ben okay?
"Luke's concerned, outbursts and just wallowing in general," he tells me and I take another drink myself, not minding the taste as much this time. "She's wondering if she did the right thing sending him to be trained and with all this going on with Ben she'll want you somewhere else."
"Then where?" I ask him at a loss. "I don't want to go back to Theed, and maybe it would be a good thing if I went and saw Ben. Stayed at the temple even if it was only for a little while."
"Well, he'd be missing you that's for sure," he admits and says "When all this First Senator stuff quietens down we'll talk to your mom about it, but until then how about you come with me for a while. Fly around, travel for a bit, show you some places I think you'd like."
I smile and have to fight the urge to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye at the thought of travelling with him how I used to as a kid when I've hardly seen him in so long. "I- I'd really like that Dad."
"So would I kid," he says and like that everything falls into place as he continues. "You know, the lead pilot on the junior team I'm sponsoring had one too many drinks out on the town and ended up in some legal trouble, I could sure use a fill-in."
He gives me a hopeful look and I smile bigger than I have in months. "You've got it."
"Good, you can have some fun before you go back to school and make me some money."
"About that," I begin and admit "I think I got expelled."
He stops, thinking I'm joking before exclaiming more in pure disbelief than anger "What for!?"
"This absolute bitch of a teacher," I begin and he raises his eyebrows but doesn't scold me. "She's an Imperial sympathiser and we got into an argument that might have ended with me telling her I'll go fulfil my Jedi legacy of committing war crimes before storming out."
He huffs out a proud laugh. "And was it worth it?"
I can't help the grin that comes to me. "Definitely."
He just raises his glass "Then let's celebrate for as long as we can before your mother finds out."
~
While Dad works with the other managers in preparation for the races Lando takes me through the city's retail district. I know Lando clings to the memories of his daughter Kadara through me, being two years older than her I apparently took to her like a baby sister more than an honourary cousin. Sometimes I wish I could remember more but we were so young when she was taken, even after all these years he still searches for her in the Outer Rims. I just wish I could do more to help him, perhaps if I'm able to gain better mastery over these abilities I can someday.
"You're my only niece and you are not going to be racing in a school dress," he says, wanting the excuse to spoil me. Not that I'd ever tell Luke but he's the favourite uncle. "Then I'll be showing you around the cantinas here and getting you some credits, it's past time I taught you the art of gambling."
"The art of gambling?" I repeat, laughing. "You know Mom's going to kill you if she knows you're dragging me into cantinas."
"Well considering your mom's going to be killing you for getting expelled you might as well live first," he says, both of us laughing. "And as for dragging you into cantinas, it's a little late for that. Han's had you with him doing business with less than upstanding friends since you were just as tall as my knee."
"Until Mom found out and reminded him I'm not going to be taking after him in being a scoundrel," I remind him and he just shakes his head.
"You're too much like your dad to be paraded around in front of nobility pretending to like it, you've always loved getting your hands dirty and you're as much of a natural in the pilots seat as he is." He pats me on the shoulder. "Now, to get you looking the part."
~
After hours of being dragged from shop to shop so Lando can find us both some capes we sit up in the VIP section of the stadium, positioned near the finish line watching the events and it's certainly more exhilarating than sitting in a senate chamber.
"Did you say Chewie was meant to be coming?" I ask Lando, there being one person still missing.
"He should be on his way from Kashyyyk," he answers and asks "What do you think the odds are of being able to drag Luke off Ossus for a trip in the Falcon."
"None," I answer bluntly. "Luke's not one for adventure anymore, in fact he reminds us frequently that 'a Jedi seeks not adventure or excitement, for a Jedi is passive, calm, and at peace.'"
Lando just scoffs "If someone told Luke that when he was twenty three he would have laughed at them, since when were Jedi hypocrites?"
"You'd be surprised," I mumble as the next round of races begin and the sound of cheering overshadows all else.
That's until there's a sudden pull in the force and my brows draw together as I find it's to a man standing in the general section dressed casually, noticing the New Republic Navy emblem on his jacket. But it's when I see his face I'm pleasantly surprised, albeit still confused why the force pulled my eyes to him. He's an attractive man, to the point I'm slightly stunned and have to try not to clear my throat at the sight of his white smile contrasting his tan skin, his jawline sharp and dark curls brushed aside. Upon second consideration to say he's merely attractive would be an understatement. Maybe men can be as pretty as women after all.
He's speaking to a group of fellow pilots with drinks in hand, a woman with bronze skin and short blonde hair also catches my attention, with a similar but weaker pull, although I can't say there's the same feelings behind it. I'm trying to figure out why I feel as if I know them when Lando realises I haven't been paying attention to whatever he's saying and follows my trail of sight before laughing.
"Oh no, now I know for a fact pretty boy down there's too old for you."
He isn't wrong, the man seems to be twenty five or so, the strange pull still leaves me at a loss for an explanation but I can't resist taunting "You do realise any argument you and Dad have about older guys is void considering how old Dad was when he met Mom?"
"Shh," he says, laughing to himself. "We aren't meant to talk about that. You're right but still you're sixteen, seventeen in a month or so, wait a few years and you can have your pick. Guys, girls, whatever takes your fancy. It's a big galaxy and you don't have to limit yourself."
Perhaps it's the Jedi training, but it's something I've never really thought about and yet now when I try to recall those sorts of feelings it's always with Aylee. Holding her hand and laughing together during those long days and nights at the temple, the occasional kiss goodbye when I inevitably leave. Even if she is only a friend, I'm not foolish enough to deny how my cheeks flush whenever she calls me beautiful or tells me she's missed me, or how I wish those kisses weren't so chaste. She is the ideal Jedi; calm, peaceful, virtuous in every sense of the word. In every way my complete opposite and so Luke happily agreed to us sharing a room when I began my training in the hope she would be a good influence and to a degree she has been.
I only wish she felt the passion I do, and that scares me more than I'd care to admit.
Luke's order isn't like the old order which forbade any sort of romantic attachment but he is certainly mindful of it. If Luke had one of his own he'd certainly be happier and not as uptight, Ben and I have gathered he's never had that sort of relationship and I suppose that's set a precedent. Well, except for the disturbing crush on Mom he had when they were a lot younger.
Ben and I couldn't look at them for a month after Dad let a particular story slip one night when he was drinking with Lando. In a way I can't truly blame Luke for never finding anyone to marry, I mean I'd be terrified to go near a girl ever again if I learned the first one I kissed was my sister. Considering Aylee's Twi'lek I don't need to have that worry but still, that isn't my main problem when it comes to dating.
"Now that does sound enticing but there's one problem," I tell Lando and he's listening. "What person would ever have the guts to let me bring them home knowing who my family is, knowing what I am?"
"The right one," he answers without missing a beat and even at sixteen I laugh at the thought of there being such a thing in this infinite galaxy. "I know your parents haven't been the best example of everlasting perfect love with how much time they spend apart, but you're getting old enough to be able to want something like that for yourself."
Even Aylee can be intimidated at times by the powers I have despite how close we are, despite her being a Jedi as well, just like how the other students are intimidated. Ben always tells me so, that we're different no matter how much Luke says otherwise and on his advice I've kept his tutoring secret from everyone, including Aylee. It's more isolating than I'd like it to be, and that's without taking into consideration that Dad's revered like a god by all aspiring pilots and Mom might yet become the most powerful person in the galaxy if she's elected as First Senator.
"I don't know, the thought of there being a right person seems like naive wishful thinking," I tell him, something deep inside of me putting up whatever walls I can between myself and such an idea, especially after the recent jarring sight of what love can cost a woman, not to mention the constant yelling that I'd become accustomed to before leaving home. "Mom and Dad would have thought they were each other's right person and now they barely see each other."
"Oh they never thought that," he assures me much to my surprise. "Luke would be able to tell you that they fought like hell right from the start with each other, but also for each other, and considering they're still fighting for each other after all these years I think they've done well enough."
"Well, when you put it like that," I say as the crowd starts to disperse, a break announced while they prepare for the next lot of races. "I just miss when we were all still together and not in four different corners of the galaxy."
"I know kid," he says with a hand on my shoulder, sensing something isn't quite right. "Your Dad's letting you drink now?" I nod and he says "Come on then let's go get you one, but if anyone asks you're nineteen, never say eighteen because then they'll get suspicious."
I shake my head and follow him over to the open bar. I sit back at one of the tables as he goes over, sitting back as he waits in line and watch in surprise as the man I saw approaches him and shakes his hand, curiosity has me listening in from a distance.
His voice is noticeably warm, slightly anxious with excitement as he says "General Calrissian, it's an honour."
"General?" I hear Lando repeat in amusement. "No one's called me that in a long time."
"You fought with my parents on Endor," the man says and Lando stops him.
"Wait don't tell me, I know that face," he says and laughs in realisation. "You're Kes and Shara's boy aren't you?"
I tilt my head now in interest, the name Shara familiar to me. I'd heard her name mentioned alongside Hera Syndulla's often as one of the women who flew in the Rebellion, despite having a family of war heroes I'd always been excited to hear the stories of the women who fought as pilots, being a little girl with dreams of being just like them.
The man nods and gives his name. "Poe Dameron."
His own name doesn't ring any bells, so I only feel more confused by the strange knowing I feel, until I get the nagging intuition that the knowing isn't in the past, but ahead of me. I should feel unsettled, but considering everything the force has hurled at me in the past week it's the least unsettling thing I've felt.
"I'll be damned, you're all grown up now," Lando observes. "Is that a navy badge I see?"
"It sure is," the man says proudly. "Captain."
His pride is something I could easily take for arrogance if it wasn't for Lando saying "Ah so you take after your Mom then, Shara was a hell of a pilot that's for sure, flew with her on Endor and Naboo."
It's then it clicks and I recall the vision in the palace, the dark haired woman Mom called to in the hanger and I'm only left more confused by what the force is trying to show me. It's as if with these visions and other pulls that something in the force is going haywire.
"She sure was," he says and I see remnants of her in him, the resemblance blindingly clear. "She'd be proud of you kid, maker knows her and Kes always told anyone who'd listen about you."
"Really?" the man repeats in surprise.
"You know," I hear Lando begin. "You should meet my niece, she's the youngest pilot-" Before he can even take a look about to try to find me I quickly disappear to avoid the embarrassment of Lando's teasing.
Maker help me if I ever do manage to bring someone home because between Mom and the men in my family I'll be praying for whoever that person could be, but the thought of that is more impossible than the other impossibility playing on my mind when it comes to my family.
Polis Massa is playing on my mind again when Lando eventually finds me and asks "Where'd you disappear to, I just happened to discover your crush is an old friend of the family."
I can't help but roll my eyes, glad for my decision as I manage to tease. "I thought you said he was too old?"
"Yeah but having friends can always help," he tells me. "Especially if you're considering going into the navy once you've finished your training. I know you've always said you'd be happiest flying, thought you could get some advice about what that's really like."
I appreciate it, I really do and yet it's something I've never really let myself consider. "I don't know Lando. Ben, he really wants me to be his apprentice."
"I know kid," he says, having always been close to Ben as well. "But just remember, it's not what your family wants, it's what you want."
The weight of those words and the decisions I'll have to make sooner rather than later hang over me, but I'm quickly distracted from them by a familiar roar.
"Uncle Chewie!" I exclaim as he lifts me up to hug me. "I've missed you."
And I have missed him, not knowing how long it's been since my family's actually been in the same room let alone on the same planet, but I'm happy to settle for Dad and my favourite uncles if I can't have Mom and Ben with me.
~
Hours later I finally make it home, Lando heading back to his apartment after making me sit and witness him showcase the capes he bought, and with Dad and Chewie hanging behind at the tournament with his managerial duties I'm left alone and bored.
Luke's endless list of rules for my training when I'm not on Ossus would tell me now would be the ideal moment to meditate but I've hardly looked at that list in months and so I find my datapad in my bag that I haven't turned on since leaving class. When I check it I find about a dozen messages from Siya with increasing urgency and then half a dozen missed calls from Mom.
"Shit, shit, shit," I breathe to myself and look at R2. "She knows."
The holonews is still playing from the loungeroom where Dad must have forgot to turn it off and I stop when I see my own face.
"Another controversy for First Senator nominee Leia Organa with her sixteen year old daughter Hope Solo being expelled from the University of Theed with early reports now emerging that the teenager has been unaccounted for since the incident," the presenter says and I curse under my breath. "A statement was released by the school citing the grounds for expulsion as stirring discourse between students and threatening a teacher through the use of the force, it has been revealed by witnesses that Senator Organa's apparent successor accused the Centrist party of wanting to bring back the Empire after a historical debate turned sour."
"I'm screwed, I'm dead," I panic as my datapad starts buzzing again and I throw it across the room hoping to break it but it just hits the wall before bouncing onto the floor, still buzzing although the screen's now shattered. R2 panics with me until in resignation I use the force to pull it back over to me and regretfully answer it, a glitched hologram of my mother's face appearing.
"Hope Solo," she begins and I flinch at the sound of her voice. "Where the hell are you? You've been missing for two days!"
"On Theron with Dad," I swallow and she shakes her head at me, but considering the calls only began just over twelve hours ago it seems it took her long enough to notice.
"I don't even know what to say to you," she says and I feel sick. "Getting yourself expelled is one this but this? Saying such a thing in the current climate and then just taking off without a word to anyone - what were you thinking!"
I can assume the Naberries waited for me to come back and that when I didn't they finally contacted her. Even then, she'd never know I was missing if they didn't.
"That I'm sick and tired of having to sit and listen to Imperial sympathisers every moment of every day and pretend they aren't what they are! That I'm sick of doing this when you know I hate it!" I snap at her, feeling myself slowly coming undone. "I have done everything you have ever asked of me, and I am sorry I let my tongue slip for the first time in my life but all I said was the truth!"
Her voice is shaking with anger as she asks "Did you use the force to threaten a teacher?"
"What?" I exclaim in pure disbelief she could believe that. "Mom-no!"
"I swear Hope, tell me the truth-"
"I didn't do it!" I yell but she doesn't believe me. "How could you think I'd hurt someone? I was mad and fought with her but not like that, I used the force to open a door!"
Her face hardens as she tells me "You've got your wish, after this stunt you're going to Luke."
Now I'm the one shaking my head. "So you send me away like you sent Ben away?" I yell, long suppressed anger finally surfacing. "That's your answer! For the first time in my life I'm not the perfect kid and you just throw me away like you've done to him!"
"Don't be cruel," she says stiffly, the upset those words have caused clear in her voice. "I sent him to train, to protect him-"
"From what?" I ask her but she clamps her jaw shut. "From what just say it!"
"From himself," she spits out and warns "The force is nothing to play around with Hope, not after the things I've seen it do to people."
"It's my life Mom," I argue, finally having the guts to say it. "Not yours."
"Hope-" She's cut off as I turn the holopad off and this time I do break it as I throw it to the ground and smash it properly under my foot, R2 loudly beeping his concern as I look back to the holonews and find a political reporter being interviewed by a news anchor.
"Senator Organa may just become the most powerful person in the galaxy with the outlined powers for the position of First Senator, so of course the brazen actions of her daughter are being watched under a critical eye, and how they reflect upon the senator herself is especially important. After all, if she cannot manage her own household, how can she manage a senate?"
I'm shaking my head at that, my anger quickly turning from her to this entire political sphere I've found myself in. She wins a war and builds a New Republic but can't manage a senate?
"It is no secret there is a growing divide between the parties that has many more than just concerned, but frightened, and accusations such as this are certainly being spoken in private by Populist senators."
"But what many are wondering if there's something this girl knows that the rest of us don't?"
No, I just see through the bullshit bureaucracy.
"Hope Solo is an interesting figure who has recently come very much into the public light in the past few years," the reporter begins. "It is known Senator Organa has two children with her husband Han Solo, even if they do attempt to keep their personal lives private, the eldest we don't see but the youngest, being Hope, is seen quite frequently. It was only a few years ago when the revelation that she was in fact the grandaughter of Padmé Amidala was discovered by the public of Naboo."
The interviewer presses "Explain to the audience how this was not known earlier."
"Well it was revealed upon the Queen's death that she was pregnant, but it was believed the child, or as it turns out children, died with her. Leia Organa was always known as an adopted orphan of the Clone Wars, her adoption was a celebrated event on Alderaan, and after the fall of the Empire it became an open secret Luke Skywalker is her twin brother separated at birth. Many quickly deduced the father of the Jedi Luke Skywalker could only be the General Anakin Skywalker, however it was not until Senator Organa's daughter began studying on Naboo that the twin's mother was revealed which was quite the scandal on Naboo and the wider galaxy."
"Of course, how can the secret marriage and children of such a prominent politician and a Jedi not be a scandal?" the interviewer says while I stand there feeling sick, knowing there is more to that statement than I want to accept. "I remember during the initial coverage many called the then thirteen year old a lost princess, and as her name would lead people to believe, a symbol of hope for the Naboo after the many years under the Empire's rule."
"Certainly," the reporter agrees. "When this was revealed she was presented wearing a dress of the late queens to the Naboo and a statement was given by the late queen's family stating that while it was certainly a welcome surprise when Princess Leia approached them they were honoured to be housing the young girl while she was being educated on Naboo and the then queen welcomed her as a full citizen as it is what her grandmother would have wanted."
Something tells me she would have wanted to live long enough to raise her children, or have her own family raise them, but no one cared much for that either evidently. Guilt finally sets in at leaving how I did when Sola has done nothing but care for me, I just- I couldn't go back to her after what I'd seen in the crypt.
"And now almost four years later she is expelled, some are going as far to say disgraced after making such damning political accusations."
"Well, reactions are certainly varied," the reporter continues. "Centrists are in an uproar while the Populists insist she is just a young girl who has said something out of line. Others are saying this is a deliberate attempt by Princess Leia's successor to speak the truth many are too afraid to say." I step closer to the hologram at those words. "It is well known the senate is at a stalemate between the parties with no legislation getting through but this seems to have disrupted that, for better or worse we are not yet to be able to tell. But we should remember Hope Solo, or Lady as she is called on Naboo being a queen's direct descendent and of course the daughter of a princess, was by her mother's side as she gave her address at the unveiling of Bail Organa's statue, which is a very public statement in itself to make. With Senator Organa all but set to become First Chancellor it's only natural to assume her daughter would take her place in the senate."
"But how much do we actually know about this girl?" the interviewer asks. "On one hand she is a teenager and on the other she is very well about to become a major political figure in the senate as she is due to join her mother as a junior legislator. Although if Princess Leia does become First Senator Hope will then become the senator for the remaining Alderaanian sector."
A fact I had not realised until now and shut my eyes. This is why she's been on me so badly about following after her, because if she becomes First Senator she can no longer properly represent Alderaan or fight the Centrists due to perceived neutrality and she needs someone she trusts to take her place.
I'm holding my breath as the reporter answers "We've from our sources on Naboo that she spends half the year at the university, or rather did, and the other training under her uncle Luke Skywalker who is attempting to bring back the Jedi Order."
"So she's a Jedi?"
I know those very words will leave people more shocked and apprehensive of me than before. Luke's attempt at rebuilding the order has not been met kindly after all the work the Empire did to destroy the Jedi and their reputation. There is a reason Mom kept her own training hidden from the public.
"We believe so yes," he answers and looks down at a datapad. "I've just received a statement from a witness to the incident that says she certainly did speak quite vocally regarding her opinions on Imperial sympathisers after their professor began to target her in a discussion regarding the Jedi and other members of her family, but that the accusation of using the force to harm the professor is utterly false and was used as grounds for the expulsion."
Somehow in my gut I know it's Siya who's made that statement and guilt continues to set in as I look at my broken datapad with no way to contact her.
"Has Senator Organa made a statement yet? Many are wondering if Hope Solo will still be seen in the senate by her mother's side for the official nominations for First Chancellor."
"Well that would be a scandal in itself, but as some are saying; what the Populists need is somebody outspoken, someone who isn't going to sit and play nice for the sake of diplomacy as the battle between these two sides for control of the senate heats up. Senator Organa is yet to make a statement but many are interested to see if this young girl will someday become her mother's successor in more than just name."
With those words I switch the holotv off and ask myself the same question.
~
The next day when I emerge for the races the media are being held back by red tape, but Dad's hand on my shoulder scares them off well enough.
"Don't worry about any of that crap, okay?" he says, his reaction the opposite of Mom's. He answered one call to assure her he's looking after me and then shut off his com. "Just get out there and win this race. All this shit about legacy's doing both our heads in but I know it's sure as hell made you a damn good pilot, that much runs in your blood that's for sure." He takes me down to the pits where the ship is waiting for me. "Remember it's not about how good the ship is, unless it's the Falcon then that's different, it's about having the guts to fly whatever you get your hands on and never letting anyone tell you the odds."
"Don't worry Dad," I assure him. "It's a short dash around the atmosphere, not an asteroid belt."
"I know, I know," he says and stops me before I can get in the racer to tell me. "I'm watching my kid enter her first major race, I'm nervous that's all."
"Nervous I'll lose?" I tease and he laughs off the nerves.
"Never, now show them how Solo's do things," he says and tell's me what I need to hear more than anything else. "I know you'll make me proud kid."
"Thanks Dad," I say, those words meaning more to me right now than he could ever know.
He leaves to go back to his box above the stadium and I get ready for the race in my racing suit and gear. I'm no stranger to racing, either recreationally or maybe once or twice illegally, and then the annual races on Naboo. But the Five Sabres is the race. It's the junior division, but still, I'm going to win it.
It's a long wait in the racer for the event to start, enough to give me time to get nervous but Dad's right, it's in my blood and I had the best pilot in the galaxy as a teacher. I was piloting the Falcon before I was ever allowed to touch a saber, these racing ships should be a breeze. Hell if I can win a podrace on Naboo I can win this, sometime's I still can't understand how it's legal there when it's outlawed in most of the New Republic. Chewie comes by to check on me as I wait to get called up to start, giving me roars of support with R2 accompanying him to express his regrets the racer doesn't have an astromech port. They stay until we're called to our marks.
I secure my helmet as they ready us to go and take a deep breath as they countdown until finally I'm off. Like the track on Naboo this one is filled with enough obstacles that any sensible person would sacrifice speed for the sake of safety, not to mention the fact atmospheric flying is generally detested by most pilots due to the nature of it, but it's a damn good thing it's what I've done as part of the starfighter corps.
Most racers climb too quickly and lose speed as we reach the worst part of the track, startled by the sudden harshness of flying against the atmosphere they slow but I trust in myself and push on, it's turbulent flying but it only feeds the thrill I've been seeking out for months now. Just as we descend down below the worst of the atmospheric layer a ship above takes a sharp dive to cut me off and I pull up hard, just avoiding impact as I scrape past them and they dive beneath me, losing altitude whilst I'm right where I need to be.
Perhaps I'm a little too proud as I pull the same manoeuvre that got me suspended from the starfighter corps and the ship jerks violently as I force it between the narrow gap between two of the obstacles without slowing before drifting sharply around the angles of the track, flying tight to the corners and not letting myself go wider than I have to knowing the moment I take more distance in my turns than I need to is when I fall behind.
With ships at my sides I dare to go that bit faster and trust myself not to lose control, trusting the force but more so the calculations of aerodynamics in my head to make sure I don't overestimate myself, somehow sensibility and recklessness coming together as I push it to a speed no one else dares to attempt to get me to that final stretch where the other racers behind me go full throttle but not before I punch it to the finish line and cross it.
Finally I come to a screeching halt at the end of the track and open up my cockpit to the sound of applause and let out a victorious laugh of relief as I go to jump out of the ship and find Dad there to catch me so it's not a too unceremonious fall.
"I knew you'd do it kid!" he says, hugging me tight as he sets me down and my name is announced over the speakers. "You did a damn good job of it too."
"Winner, Hope Solo!"
The feeling of winning, of doing something to make my dad proud, to make me proud of myself, it's nothing compared to the feeling when I see my brother standing there next to the track beside Lando and Chewie.
"Ben!" I yell out and run over to him, he lifts me up as I throw my arms around him, letting out a stunned laugh. It's been months since I've even laid eyes on him. "You're here?"
"Of course I am," he says and gives an astonished laugh. "And I thought Dad flew like a madman."
I'm all but crying as he hugs me tight, half of the weight on my shoulders instantly disappearing and I feel Dad's hand on my shoulder. "Now we're going to be celebrating tonight, as a family."
I smile but that quickly fades at the concerned look in Ben's eye and I realise he hasn't come all the way from Ossus for a surprise visit. Something is wrong, whatever's going on in the force... he's felt it too. I should be relieved he's here, that I have someone who understands, but my throat tightens at the thought of telling him what I've seen on Polis Massa.
He's always worshipped Anakin Skywalker, and this... if the truth is what I suspect it to be... it would ruin him.