After we make it back to Hosnian Prime I truly do collapse the moment I feel my bed, only woken in the middle of the next day with the promise of food, having realised the need to fill my stomach is second only to sleep.
When I emerge having changed out of my clothes into pyjamas with no intention of leaving the apartment I'm met with the jarring voice of Threepio and realise he's been that busy I haven't seen him since everything's gone to hell.
"Oh Miss Hope, it is such a relief to see that you are well. I almost short circuited when I heard of the incident on Coruscant, this has been a very trying ordeal indeed," he says as I debate for probably the hundredth time pulling him apart to install a volume control. "Oh my, I am short circuiting. I need to update my systems with all that's happened, as it is princess now if I understand correctly."
"Threepio we've been over this," I sigh tiredly, hearing Mom and Dad talking in the dining room. "Just because you're a droid it doesn't mean you have to address everyone as Master and Mistress or whatever else. You're a war veteran and by that logic you should outrank me and most organics. Did you forget we spent five hours arguing about droid rights before you agreed to call me Miss instead of Mistress or Lady?"
"Oh I did not forget, it is not physically possible with my programming," he says as R2 comes to my side beeping happily. "Oh R2 my friend, it is good to see you too."
I leave R2 to hold conversation with Threepio and head to the dining room, still half asleep as I find my way into one of the chairs and am slid some wrapped takeaway food and dive in before realising I haven't said hello.
"Well good morning to you too," Mom chuckles. "You only slept seventeen hours."
"I could have slept more but I'm starving," I say, not even caring what I'm shoving into my stomach. "Please tell me nothing else has fallen apart while I've been out."
"Thankfully no but it's only lunchtime," she remarks as I look around the table, it's almost complete with the exception of Ben, his seat beside mine unoccupied. Even so, I can't remember the last time I sat and ate a meal with both of them, hell I can't remember the last time I saw both of them in the same room.
Food hits my stomach and as my brain slowly starts working again I begin to process the fact I inadvertently destroyed an underwater city, but they were the ones who loaded it full of explosives, not me, so that burden's on them. After this past week I'm truly past the point of caring anymore.
And so I find myself eagerly digging into a second meat pie knowing I won't get any food as good as this back on Ossus, but even now I'm in doubt as to where I go next. I have to see Ben and Luke, I know that much, but I can't remember the last time I felt half at home and here I am with both my parents and a purpose.
Except I know by now that always ends, just like the little I had left of my childhood has abruptly ended. Even if it truly began to disappear at the tender age of twelve, having spent my teenage years wanting to cry and say that I know I'm not a little girl anymore, but please for five more minutes can you pretend I am. Please.
But I'm not anymore. Any illusion of childhood innocence died the moment I stepped into my grandmother's tomb and saw Vader. Only now that it's quiet it all begins to set in, and so I eagerly listen to Mom and Dad talking to distract myself for at least another few minutes from having to face it.
From listening I gather that somehow the Senate's agreed to hear her out about this cartel and the paramilitary, ironically it was Casterfo's vote that allowed it so the idiot might have some remorse after all.
"See? I told you things would turn around," Dad says to her, and I realise Ben would find it even stranger than I do seeing them in the same room.
Ben had left to train with Luke just around when I'd turned five, but I've always clung to the days we were all under the same roof, even if it is a distant memory. They'd bicker over work and their remarkably different lifestyles until Dad would go away for weeks at a time for work, or at least what he'd say was work, while Mom would do her duty to the senate and Ben would look after me with a nanny droid as formal supervision. Even now I remember him refusing to leave with Luke when the time came for him to go to Ossus, he'd fought it for months until during one tantrum he used the force to hurl a vase at the wall and that was that.
It wasn't long after Ben left that they started living mostly separate lives, although I wasn't old enough to understand why they didn't have the sort of marriage most people did, even now I don't truly understand it, but they seem to be happy after all. They never separated or ever wanted divorce, but as I was told when I grew old enough to start asking questions that they agreed as much as they love each other, that what makes them happy puts them in different parts of the galaxy more often than not.
Maybe in the past few years I'd made assumptions, thinking they had separated but had kept it from Ben and I. That's certainly been Ben's theory even if I've fought against it, but I can see now that despite how dysfunctional their long distance marriage may be that they do very much still love each other.
"I don't think Ransolm's starting a trend," Mom says, aware of the fact even her own allies have turned on her not to mention the rest of the senate.
"Well, don't worry. You don't have to deal with this alone alright," he says to her. "I'm willing to be here as long as you need me."
I feel a wave of emotion from Mom, acceptance and resignation at the same time. "Han, it's all right. We both know you want to get back to the Sabers."
I look at Dad, knowing if he accepts her reluctant offer with how things are I might just be the one throw him into a wall, but he surprises me. "It's just a race, sweetheart."
"Yeah, but this mess I'm in... it shouldn't wreck your life too." I lower my eyes, realising how far reaching this stain on our name will be. That by association alone anyone who still defends Darth Vader's daughter will be tarnished in the eyes of the public, and I wonder just how much that will extend to me. The graceless daughter of the disgraced senator, the grandaughter of a Sith lord. "Besides," she adds and says to him what she did to me. "I think the galaxy would forgive me for being Vader's daughter faster than they'd forgive me for postponing the hyperspace championship round of the Five Sabers."
Dad shakes his head and remarks "You can still surprise me."
"The worst is over," Mom says, but something deep inside me screams otherwise. "I'll be fine, and so will Hope."
No I won't be.
He seems too relieved to be escaping this mess and I can't help but sit there in disbelief at him actually agreeing at a time like this, suddenly glad for my training on Naboo that has taught me to control my facial expressions perfectly with the right amount of concentration, or rather numbness as it seems. "I gotta admit- I wouldn't have known what to do with all that political mumbo jumbo anyway. Fighting with blasters is fairer, and if you ask me it probably causes a whole lot less damage."
"He's right," I agree, my voice tense, but neither seem to notice it as she sighs at my father in fond exasperation.
"Some things never change."
I watch as he reaches across the table to take her hand, realising how rarely I've seen them together and in those moments almost never seeing them actually display affection.
"That's right," he says with the same fondness. "Some things will always be the same."
Her smile reaches her eyes and I see the face of a much younger woman as she teases "Is that a promise?"
"You better believe it."
~
Dad returns to Theron whilst Mom and I prepare for a party.
Varish, one of her last remaining allies, has invited us to a Populist get together to make a statement as it seems almost all of her own party has either turned against her or have chosen to appear like they have to avoid a stain on their name.
And in a moment of shared dark humour she's taken my suggestion of wearing black.
We go through her considerable wardrobe and I comb through what few of Padme's garments she has stored here on Hosnian Prime, most live on Naboo since I happily make use of them.
I stop when I find a black dress with a lowcut leather corset and matching choker that has my eyes widening, this certainly not being like the ones in my possession, and know Mom would certainly not let me out of the house wearing it. Although I have a new respect for my grandmother.
"Hey Mom," I say, a weeks worth of sleep deprivation still clouding my better judgement, and perhaps some stolen Corellian whiskey hiding in my coffee cup. "What are the odds this is how you were conceived?" She scowls and hits me on the arm with a coat hanger. "Ow!"
She shakes her head at me. "I send you to Naboo to learn some class and you still have your father's mouth."
"He said the same thing about it didn't he?" I question with a smirk and she raises a warning eyebrow with one of her own that makes mine disappear. "Oh god was this how I was conceived?"
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to." I quickly drop it and she just chuckles before asking "Speaking of which, since it's only just recently occurred to me that you're almost an adult is there a conversation we need to have that doesn't revolve around politics and family history?"
"Oh god no," I immediately dismiss, that being a conversation potentially worse than the one about Vader, but she suspects otherwise. "I'm seventeen in a few weeks and considering I hadn't found a boyfriend before this I doubt I will now, so there's certainly no chance of me conceiving anything."
"The last part better be true but I don't know about the first bit," she says and teases to try to lighten my mood. "Because I do recall when Aylee came with you to visit last year you two seemed quite close. Not exactly a boyfriend but I dare say she'd be far more tolerable."
Aylee. Maker, one moment I'm messaging her over my holopad telling her I can't wait to see her, aching for her, and the next here I am feeling like a completely different person, and I realising in that I haven't reached out to her since I left Naboo. Hell I don't even know what planet my datapad would be on.
"Well after this I don't know," I say and she frowns. "I already felt like an outsider before this, now I know why, so I don't see that getting any better. And before you give me a speech Lando already beat you to it, he told me the people who matter won't see me any differently but- but I feel different Mom. I feel angry. I feel like I've changed."
"I understand," she says, and I know she does, she and Ben may be the only people who can. "I remember feeling the same. Thinking that the relationships I'd built would be ruined if they knew who I really was, or rather who I felt I'd become after learning the truth. Perhaps there is truth in that, I can't lie and say there isn't after watching my colleagues turn on me and if I did you'd only pull me up on it. But what I can tell you is that your foolhardy idiot father didn't even blink an eye. He wanted to marry me and I half expected him to go running to the Ewoks when I told him the truth but he didn't. It didn't change a thing."
"Dad already loved you then," I remind her, knowing my situation is quite different. She was twenty three when she learned the truth, she was an adult who'd fought and lost and had lived. I still feel like a kid more often than not. "I can't say I've found anyone to do that."
In the back of my mind I'm aware that whatever I feel for Aylee, or at least what she feels for me, doesn't extend to that level of devotion. Not when she shies away from me whenever there's a moment of passion or feelings that extend beyond a romantic fondness.
"You're only sixteen, almost seventeen, I doubt you'll find the person you want to spend your life with any time soon," she begins but clarifies "If that's something you want. It's perfectly fine and acceptable to be content without another person, romantically or intimately, just like Aunt Sola has been." She puts her hands on my shoulders and stands behind me, looking at our reflection in the mirror and it's impossible to miss the similarities when her face is beside mine, standing at the same height with the same dark hair, the same shaped eyes and mouth. "But if that is something you do want someday... the right person won't even blink an eye because they'll know who you are from the start, and I can promise you that whoever is lucky enough to love you will love you for everything you've overcome, everything you are, not despite it."
There's only an ache in my chest, because I do want that. I want to feel love and I want it to not hurt. I want to love someone who doesn't look at me how everyone else does. I want to love someone who won't be afraid of what I'm capable of. I want to be held through those long nights where I feel as if the darkness might just suffocate me. To have someone I can be vulnerable with who won't judge me for it. An unconditional love. A love that's electric, passionate, everything a Jedi shouldn't yearn for.
I want to love and be loved.
Even if I know that's impossible.
"It's a nice thought, but it doesn't feel real."
Perhaps then she finally begins to see the depth of how alone I've felt even before all of this. How isolated I've been even when surrounded by others because I know I'm not like them and never will be, that they're afraid. It was Ben who made me see it and it's been impossible to ignore ever since.
"I can promise you that love always comes when you least expect it. Hell I'd expected to be executed within the hour and then your idiot father comes rushing in dressed as a stormtrooper with a blaster in hand and my secret twin brother, how's that for fate?" she says and I can't help but share a laugh with her. "And whoever that person may be, know there is absolutely no limit to just who you can love. It's a big galaxy out there and chances are you might have to make your way through half of it first but the right one will find you."
"Mom!" I exclaim at that and she just laughs.
"I'm being realistic, but when you do find them they'll make sure without a doubt that you know they love and accept all of you, and if they don't then they're simply not the one, if such a thing exists," she says and I listen more carefully now. "I'd say that when you meet them you know, but I sure didn't. The start of our relationship was even more unconventional than our marriage, we fought like hell and at times I swear I could have killed him and not blinked an eye he was that insufferable."
"What changed?"
"Oh nothing changed in that regard," she assures me. "But I fell in love with him because I knew that deep down beneath all his egotistical flyboy crap that he was someone who wouldn't give up on me, who would never let me down, and to this day that's true. Maybe things aren't how I pictured they'd be when we got married, maybe I wish I could abandon politics and just run away with him on the Falcon like I was twenty something again, but after all these years and two very loved children I'd never change a thing." Her smile fades as she says "And I am very sorry if you and your brother have ever believed otherwise."
My heart is heavy as I say "It's Ben that needs to hear that, not me."
Hers is equally heavy as she says "I know." She smooths a hand over the sleeve of the black dress I wear and forces a smile "Now, let's go put on a brave face. If they want to call us the heirs of Vader the least we can do is dress for the occasion."
~
The party is dull, filled with stares and whispers and conspiracies of who knew what but I can't help but find amusement in the hushed voices that say Leia Organa's daughter is an unhinged danger to the political status quo, and this is coming from her own party.
But it does feel sweet that they have to look me in the eye and address me as princess, and in each greeting I see the dread that they know they will not be rid of Princess Leia Organa whilst her daughter carries on what she is being forced to forfeit in disgrace. At least some have the decency to give their condolences for the attack on Coruscant and I quickly realise it was the attack on a seemingly innocent sixteen year old that's swayed sympathies towards Mom, or has at least pressured people to pretend to have sympathy.
I can't help but hear people questioning where Luke Skywalker is and it seems his own reputation's taken nearly as great a hit as Mom's, with some even doubting if it's even Jedi he's training and not something darker. The only relief is that Ben has been largely forgotten and to most it would seem as if Mom only has one child, but still those who've known her long enough to remember him as a child question where he is, they question what he is. They question what I am after seeing me stop a blaster bolt with my hand, a great feat for any Jedi but a small one for someone like Ben and I.
As the night grows later with every whisper of Luke's name I feel a simmering rage, the rage that I would be dead if Ben hadn't gone behind his back to teach me. The rage that he should be here with Mom defending her, that Mom could have been killed and he never would have known until he felt her turn to nothing but parts on that platform.
He should be here, but he isn't.
The rage lasts into the following day as I stand beside Mom in the senate, us both now dressed once again in white after she had to convince me that our cynics could not extend to the senate.
Holocam droids swarm as she is called to speak and I know our faces are being projected on every major holonews channel and screen in the galaxy, and so I keep my head high and face careful.
"My fellow Senators," she begins. "As you will recall, I answered the request of Emissary Yendor of Ryloth to investigate the Nikto cartel leader Rinnrivin Di. Although our later calls for in-depth investigations were tabled, I took it upon my own authority to look further into the matter. Each of you is now receiving an extensive data packet from my chief of staff." I glance behind us to where Greer is working in the staff pool to distribute the data that they were able to extract from the mission. "Reviewing it fully will take some time. But when you do so, you will see that Rinnrivin did indeed run an expansive criminal empire, but in the service of others who profited far more from his endeavours. Specifically, I believe that the largest part of Rinnrivin's profits went to a paramilitary organization known as the Amaxines. Even more important, I have acquired evidence that makes it clear the Amaxines were responsible for the bombing of the Senate building."
This stirs uproar in the silent room, each side almost disappointed they don't get to blame the other and whilst the evidence leads to dirty cartel business I know in my gut the Centrists, or at least multiple senators within the party, had a hand in this. A hand in something darker.
"How can we be sure this evidence isn't sheer invention?" A voice calls out. "Another of your lies?"
I can't help but feel my eyes roll involuntarily at those words, suddenly caring quite little for the cameras as I shake my head but she remains more dignified.
"Not all of this can be proved," she admits. "Most of the data was taken from the Amaxine warriors' secret base on Sibensko when their store of incendiary devices exploded. I will submit visual logs from both the ship we'd appropriated for the mission and my husband's ship, the Millennium Falcon, confirming that my escape from Sibensko and the resulting firefight with Amaxine pilots, played a role in the base's destruction. However, I believe they will also confirm that the primary cause was the storage of an army's worth of bombs, thermal detonators, and other explosives."
I don't see any issue with this until a voice rages "Listen to her! Justifying murder, just like her father!"
My heart stops then as the repercussions of the mission come back to bite us. An action I took to save her life, our lives, being seen as cold blooded murder and destruction.
And it's on my hands.
Technically it's manslaughter but I decide now's not the time to open my mouth.
But upon realising no one's looking at me like I'm the one who's Vader incarnate a quick look at the data projected reads that it was Mom who fired the shot that destroyed the starfighter that ignited the explosion, not me. She's falsified evidence to protect me knowing just how it would be perceived, and so I keep my mouth shut as she does what she does best.
"If you choose to believe that what I've shown you is no more than an elaborate invention, go ahead. But before you ignore the evidence, consider this. The Amaxine warriors were powerful enough to strike at this Senate. They were arming themselves for full-scale military assault. In other words, the New Republic was on the verge of being attacked by its own citizens. There are those who want the New Republic to fail, and who are willing to bring it down, by force if necessary."
Silence again fills the room and the weight of how serious this evidence is starts to fully sink in. Something darker is at work, greater than paramilitaries and cartels, and we need to discover what before it regroups and does strike the New Republic. Especially since it seems Mom and I are in it's direct line of sight.
"We discovered the Amaxine warriors only because an independent world asked us to investigate another organization altogether. Are you willing to bet the survival of our government on the chance that they were the only paramilitary group out there? This group we stumbled across almost accidentally? I'm not." Her voice is more powerful than any other in this senate, even now they have no choice but to listen. "This galaxy's hard-won peace is at risk. We may only get this one warning, this one chance to take action. I implore you to study my findings carefully, and with an open mind. What we've discovered should transcend petty political bickering, or your personal opinion of me. Unless we want another war, and surely,after the bloodshed that ended more than twenty years ago nobody can want such a thing, we must be on guard. We must come together. We have to act."
A month ago these words would have been a call to action by a war hero, now they are paranoid claims from Darth Vader's daughter, but whatever evidence Mom and her team recovered it's enough I feel unease in the room amongst one source of pure panic. My eyes settle on Carise Sindian who's suddenly turned pale as she reads the findings and that panic is curious indeed.
Mom doesn't sense it, but I do.
"The floor recognizes Senator Ransolm Casterfo."
I step close to Mom as he prepares to speak, taking the moment that the camera's are distracted by him to say under my breath "Carise Sindian. She's panicking."
She tilts her head back towards me, while her senses aren't quite as attuned with the years out of practice she senses it too when she sets eyes on her. "Interesting indeed."
"My fellow senators," Casterfo begins. "You will remember that I accompanied Senator Organa on her first mission to investigate Rinnrivin Di. I continued working with her for some time after this, exploring the ties between his cartel and the paramilitary group known as the Amaxine warriors. Given what I know, I am bound by honour to say that despite what I have stated in this chamber about her honesty, on this subject she is telling the truth."
I feel Mom still in surprise. What I sense from her isn't quite gratitude or necessarily forgiveness, but relief. Perhaps the bastard does have a heart after all, and I wonder if she can sense the overwhelming guilt that surrounds him. He compromised a mission to save her when he thought she was in danger, they're friendship was more than I had thought it was and his betrayal hurt her deeply.
He better use his voice now to right his wrongs or so help him.
"In addition to the evidence already provided," he continues. "I can offer visual logs from the ship I personally took to Daxam Four, the site of an Amaxine warrior base. There you will see their training facilities and some small measure of their military might. And I can personally attest that their leaders spoke openly of war, and even of their admiration for Palpatine's Empire."
I find myself listening with interest since I haven't actually had a chance to read the findings myself about what the hell they were doing on those missions. Dad boiled it down to what I needed to know and that seems substantial enough for the time being. The bastards are dead, the warriors and the cartel leader both, but this isn't over yet.
And for a senator on the opposing side of politics to support her... it might just give her the credibility she needs, and she looks at him with respect as he finishes his speech, bowing his head towards her and then separately to me as the fate of the galaxy is left in the hands of an incompetent senate.
~
After the senate's concluded I find myself in Mom's office, taking the time to read over the findings of her investigation while shaking my head in disbelief.
"I can't believe you hid this from me," I tell her. "You were literally kidnapped."
"I was in control of the situation," she dismisses just as Dad said she would and her voice saddens. "And besides, you deserved to spend the last years of your youth running wild on Naboo without having to worry about all of this but well, it seems fate has had other plans."
"The Centrists you mean?" I correct and it's at that moment we're notified by Threepio of a visitor, sounding as astonished as a droid can.
"Senator Casterfo has quite unexpectedly arrived and asks for an audience," Threepio says, utterly scandalised and a little bitter. "Should I send him away or let Miss Hope answer him?"
It seems Threepio is utterly biased against him if he specifically requests for me to deal with him and for just a moment she looks amused before answering. "Send him in."
A moment later he enters and looks particularly apprehensive when he sees me.
"Princess Leia," he says, bowing his head again to each of us. "Princess Hope."
Neither of us stand to greet him and Mom's words are clipped as she addresses him. Even after he defended her she is rightfully far from forgiveness and no longer cares for carefully measured words.
"I can't believe you had the courage to face me."
"I can hardly believe it myself," he says, voice filled with anxiety and guilt, although I struggle to have any sympathy for the man who's ruined our lives. "You did good work on the Sibensko mission. Once I reviewed the full report, I was all the more impressed. In your place I doubt I would have made it out alive."
"You wouldn't have," I answer shortly with the slightest smile that's inappropriately smug.
He nods and says "Your own efforts were admirable Princess in coming to your mother's aid so quickly."
I tilt my head. "She'd be very dead if we hadn't but I suppose the senate would have been happier if that was the result of the investigation."
She remains quiet as Casterfo reluctantly admits "Unfortunately I say they would be." He looks back at Mom. "Well, I'm glad to know you've been successful and that everyone is all right. Please know that I intend to support further investigations in any manner possible."
He goes to leave with that comment but she stops him. "Ransolm. Wait."
He seems surprised when he stops and turns back. "Yes?"
"I'm not going to thank you for backing up my testimony in the Senate yesterday. Nobody should be thanked for simply telling the truth. But I can tell you that you surprised me, in a good way this time." She surprises me now as well, perhaps she does have her mother's penchant for underserved forgiveness after all. "You put the greater good ahead of your own political faction and ambitions. You stood up for what you thought was right, and you told the truth even when those around you wanted you to lie. That makes you the kind of politician the galaxy needs."
I observe carefully, whilst I cannot feel her warmth towards him I know how important it is to have a moderate within the Centrist party. She would never have been able to present the evidence if not for him.
"No senator worthy of the office should do any less," he says rightfully. "As you say, I don't deserve any gratitude for that."
"And you're not getting my gratitude, you're getting responsibility," she says and glances to me. "Just as my daughter has now taken great responsibilities upon herself in light of your betrayal. Just shy of seventeen with the weight of a long legacy on her shoulders." He lowers his eyes. "Not just mine, but that of Bail Organa's and Padmé Amidala's, and I've prepared her well for it so I expect you will be supporting her whenever I call upon her to speak to the senate."
He gives an immediate nod. "Of course Princess."
"I have no real power in the Senate any longer, I never will again," she states bluntly. "But perhaps she will and that means you are both going to have to find other allies, both Populist and Centrist, who can honestly work together to get us out of this mess, and maybe even prevent a war."
"Surely it won't come to that."
"I hope not. I still believe we can find a way back to peace," she says and speaks to both of us. "But you and Hope, and people like you, will have to be the ones who lead us there. It's going to take a long time to build the kind of movement the Senate needs. You'll have to declare independence and stop letting yourself be used to do other politicians dirty work, and you'll also have to get a lot better at learning who to trust. For a long time, you'll have to stand alone. I believe you're strong enough to do it."
He seems like a different man as he looks at her, taking her words in and believing them. "I will always do my duty."
"Yes, I think you will." With nothing more to say he leaves and Mom looks at me. "I believe that brings our work to an end. I'll continue doing what I can to guide whoever is unfortunate enough to put themselves forward for First Senator as an informal advisor if nothing else." She reaches for my hand now. "Go finish your training, something tells me with the mouth you've got on you that you'll have to learn to do more than stop a blaster bolt if you want to keep your head on your shoulders."
In her words is both pride and fear, knowing precisely the danger we are in and the trouble I will throw myself into now the galaxy's turned against us.
Which means I can't afford to be held back any longer.
It's time to become Ben's apprentice and reach the potential I know I hold.
"But first..." she continues hesitantly. "I am not requiring you to do this, but I believe that to ensure the ongoing support between ourselves and Naboo that making a personal statement regarding these revelations would be beneficial."
"Me?" I question and she nods apologetically.
"I do not want to put you in this position, but legally you are a citizen of Naboo by law and Alderaanian by descent," she explains to me. "The girls you have trained beside for the last five years will go on to become high ranking officials, whether they be senators or queens. You will need allies personally as well as politically, and making such a statement regarding your expulsion and what has since occurred is the best way to ensure there is no possible bad blood."
Slowly it takes me a moment to realise. "You want me to get up there and say I didn't know!"
She nods seriously. "For your sake, yes."
"But-"
"It is the truth and I want you to tell the truth. I know that for you to stand up there and say publically that I never told you will reflect badly on me as a politician and as a mother," she admits but holds my hand tight. "However it is not my reputation I am concerned with, that is already ruined. You are a Princess of Alderaan now and you need to carry what credibility that name still holds, along with the memory of Padmé Amidala that the people of Naboo attach to you. Politics is more than standing in a senate and speaking the truth and fighting for justice, it's lies and reputation and doing things you do not want to do to maintain support in the name of something greater than yourself."
Still, I do not want to throw her under the speeder like this. "Mom-"
She dismisses my protest. "Speak your truth. I trust your way with words so you do not need to run a speech by me." She releases my hand and nods for me to go to my ship. "Now, I believe your father has had the Shiraya brought over from Theron for you."
I give a stiff nod and stand, hugging her tight before leaving with no further words. Having not realised that publically betraying my own mother would be part of the job I'd accepted.
~
I wear my white combat suit with my saber on one hip and blaster on the other as I disembark my ship in Theed, the media already waiting for me. They're kinder than the ones on Hosnian Prime, and fewer in number, but still persistent.
R2 is by my side, keeping close to me knowing very well what occurred on Coruscant and I feel my pulse pounding as I make my way through the streets without word to the press, my head high and eyes straight until finally I reach the Naberrie household.
When I enter Sola is seated at the table with Ryoo there as well as Pooja, along with Siya who is the first to see me enter and looks upon me with apprehension as well as betrayal.
She is also the first to pounce on me. "You disappear and then-"
"Siya," Pooja warns but she doesn't stand down.
"Darth Vader!" she exclaims in disbelief and I keep my face neutral as I look at Sola who raises her hand and lowers it, motioning for her granddaughter to be quiet.
Sola stands uneasily with a hand on her walking stick and puts her hand on the back of one of the chairs at the dining table as she says "The first time I met your grandfather he'd sat here." Her voice is hoarse. "He was a lovestruck boy who adored Padmé, who would have died in a heartbeat to protect her, so tell me how did he become Darth Vader?"
Slowly then I see Padmé's surviving handmaidens have entered the house, having no doubt discovered my return from the commotion and the room is utterly silent as they give me the chance to speak.
"He thought she was going to die in childbirth," I say, piecing together what I'd seen from my visions and the holograms. "He went to Palpatine who promised he could save her."
"And then he killed her?" Ryoo says, the younger of Padmé's nieces, but she remembers her nonetheless, remembers her pregnant body at the funeral procession.
"Palpatine took him as his Sith apprentice, and on his masters orders he stormed the Jedi temple," I say numbly, unable to recognise my own voice. "He slaughtered everyone inside, including the children, and when Padmé discovered the truth she hunted him down on Mustafar. She tried to convince him to come back with her, to leave it all behind but... he didn't want to hear it. He was psychotic, and when Obi-Wan Kenobi came he thought she'd brought him there to kill him." I struggle with the next words but after all these years her family deserves the truth. "He used the force to choke her until she collapsed to the ground."
I do not look at Sola's face, the woman who's fostered me in the home she shared with her sister, knowing what they all think of me because I can feel it.
"He choked her?" Pooja says and I feel Dormé's gentle hand on my shoulder, comforting me. Protecting me.
"He fought against Obi-Wan Kenobi and lost. When Obi-Wan returned he took Padmé along with R2 to Polis Massa where Bail Organa and Master Yoda had sought refuge," I continue, the words only getting harder and I feel the handmaiden's lower their heads as whatever final pieces they were missing come together. "They tried to save her. Obi-Wan held my mother and Luke after she'd given birth to them but she was too weak to stay conscious. For reasons they couldn't explain, they couldn't save her."
"Couldn't save her?" Siya repeats in disbelief. "What do you mean they couldn't save her?"
Sola gives her a look to be quiet as I try to speak while forcing back tears at the vision. "I don't know, but she lost her strength and she didn't- she didn't survive. I saw it in a vision when I went there to investigate."
"Young Hope had stumbled upon visions of what we had lived during the age of the Empire," Dormé explains, stepping closer to me. "Had seen the vision of Darth Vader investigating Padmé's death. She did not know what it meant, and I advised her against following the trail we had. For many years we had our suspicions of who Darth Vader was, we believe Sabé had discovered this truth and was eventually killed by Vader. I had tried to dissuade Hope from coming to the conclusion we had, but it seems the truth came out regardless."
It's Pooja who tilts her head, struggling to believe it. "You didn't know?"
To the galaxy I know what I will say, but Padmé's family deserve nothing but honesty after decades of deception. "I didn't know, I- my parents never told me. I'd learned it for myself just days before the galaxy did."
Somehow they believe me and Siya is immediately apologetic as she reaches for me. "Hope, I'm so sorry I-"
"It's alright," I dismiss to the girl I've spent the last five years being raised alongside. "It's what I wanted people to believe. I've come to make a public statement and for the sake of my Mom I'll defend her, but you were her family. You deserve the truth."
Sola comes to me now and takes my face in her hand. "You are her family, her blood, and now after all these years we finally know the truth because of you. Thank you."
She wipes a tear from the corner of my eye and embraces me while Dormé squeezes my shoulder and she wears a kind smile as she says "Now princess, let's get you looking the part."
~
Dormé helps ready me while Pooja makes the arrangements for a press conference. I've always stood beside my mother in the public eye, and now standing alone is a startling reminder of my new status and the fall of her own.
We stand inside one of the rooms at the palace, the Queen having given permission for me to utilise the royal wardrobe for the address, stating that it is within tradition.
But there are more immediate questions on my mind now that I'm alone with Dormé, the woman who perhaps knew Padmé better than anyone in her last years.
"You served Padmé throughout her years as senator," I begin and turn my head to ask "Was Anakin ever abusive to her before the end?"
They kept their relationship secret, but I know well that Padmé's shadows would have seen more than even she would have known.
Dormé's face draws together in concern and her words are truthful, but carefully chosen. "He could become quite jealous, sometimes controlling and explosive in his temperament, quick to anger even to those he loved. Although Padmé would have no tolerance for that and surely put him in this place more than once, but no, he never harmed her nor threatened to. To this day I have never seen a man love a woman as he loved your grandmother, admittedly I've also never met a man as awful at keeping a secret considering how often I'd caught him sneaking around. However, Padmé certainly lacked subtlety as well and she trusted me with the knowledge. Even if she did not confide in me regarding her marriage, I could see the difference in her when he was around." There's a smile in her voice before it again turns heavy. "For him to ever harm her he must have truly lost his mind. Those moments when I'd met him as Darth Vader... they still haunt me. There was very little left of Anakin Skywalker left beneath that mask."
I nod, but ask one more question, the one I least want the answers to. "You've said I remind you of him, how so?"
She chooses her words even more carefully now. "You are a passionate person. Padmé was passionate when it came to justice and democracy, but Anakin had a tendency to let less selfless passions consume him. Love and adrenaline, and above all a thirst for something greater than what he had. The more he achieved, the more he craved. As a handmaiden I observed and learned more than Padmé ever knew, and as her protector I also took it upon myself to observe her husband. Anakin was brave, the hero without fear. He had a passion for the stars and sought a life of adventure. He was a caring person who loved deeply. From your grandmother to his master, and especially his padawan. Padmé was also quite fond of her and I believe Ahsoka Tano being expelled from the order was the beginning of the end for him. He would do anything to protect those he cared for even if it meant breaking the code, and no doubt many laws. He did not like being told what to do and would argue often with his master and defy his authority along with that of the Jedi council's. He certainly did not like to listen to the wisdom of his elders, although unfortunately that did not extend to Palpatine. He was impulsive, perhaps self destructive, and had a very great weight on his shoulders."
She rests her hands on my own shoulders now as I ask "What do you mean?"
"Padmé shouldered the weight of Naboo, and she did it well. But Anakin... he was the chosen one of prophecy. Destined to destroy the Sith and bring balance." Neither of us can deny the irony in those words. "Except despite putting this weight on him, the council never supported him. In fact they would often question him and his purpose entirely, it is my understanding that they'd initially refused to train him until Obi-Wan decided to take him as his apprentice, with or without their blessing. I suppose that seed of doubt they'd planted stayed there and he didn't trust the council, nor did they trust him, and ultimately in the end I would assume that contributed to his decision to turn to Palpatine instead of them for help with whatever it was that troubled him."
Quiet tears burn in my eyes now, every word Luke ever spoke against my training coming to the forefront of my mind. "The order didn't trust him?"
"No, they didn't," she admits sadly. "I would often hear him expressing his frustrations to Padmé in the rare moments he had the time to visit her apartment on Coruscant. Usually she would send me away when she knew he'd be there but he had a tendency to storm in and out as he pleased with little filter. He was the greatest soldier the order had, but often felt restricted by the council and held back from his full potential. I believe that ultimately caused him to turn to the Sith, so that he would no longer be restricted."
"Is that so?" I say quietly, those words sounding too familiar for comfort and she quickly moves on from that subject, instead bringing me over to the wardrobe.
"Did you know that your mother came to Naboo when she was your age for a diplomatic mission?" Dormé reveals to me as she shows me the dresses. "I did not have the opportunity to meet her then, but as Princess of Alderaan she too was given access to the royal wardrobe during her stay and chose her own dress to wear for a series of formal events." She shows me a white dress that Mom would have no doubt chosen for herself, the simplest one I've seen with a great ruff at the back that resembles a halo. "Padmé had worn this following the Trade Federation's defeat. It is worn in times of celebration and jubilation and I know you like to wear white to honour your mother as it was one of the colours of the Royal House of Organa."
"Except this does not feel like a time of celebration," I say and she hums in reluctant agreement with that as I look through the ornate dresses, knowing anything overly complex would be inappropriate considering it will take away from the message I'll be giving. For a moment I debate going to Padmé's personal wardrobe until finally I reach the battle dresses. "What about this?"
Dormé pulls it free for me and immediately I'm drawn to it, finding a strange resemblance to Jedi robes in its styling. A black and red battle dress with a thick black leather belt holding it together, along with the strong shoulders it reminds me of something I can't quite place but Dormé seems almost alarmed.
"I did not serve your grandmother while she was queen, but I believe this was a battle dress she had utilised from time to time," she tells me. "It was worn by Sabé during the Invasion when she served as her decoy, but Padmé wore it often in her later years as queen and for good reason. The fabric dampens blaster shots and is made of concussive absorbing material. It was made to protect the queen and with how vocal she was she certainly made use of it."
The more I study it the more I take a liking to it. "I believe this is the one."
"I must caution you Princess that wearing a battledress is a statement in itself," she warns. "It is worn in times of combat, of war. Outside of conflict it is mostly ceremonial but a statement nonetheless." She then leans in and tells me in a quiet vioce "And the colours, many of the Naboo would remember Anakin Skywalker wearing similar dark robes of a cut not so unlike this one. Wearing these colours would be an additional statement perhaps not so well received."
"Considering someone tried to kill me I believe it's more than appropriate," I state and tell Dormé. "If they want to condemn me for sharing blood with a man I never knew then I might as well embrace it. And as for the rest... it seems we may just be entering a time of war."
~
To the people of Naboo every aspect of one's appearance is a political statement, and every aspect of mine is irrefutably clear as I step out onto the front steps of the palace to make my address. My hair's braided in the traditional Alderaanian fashion with red dots placed beneath my pupils in that of Naboo tradition, a silver diadem of two parallel silver bands resting across my forehead that belonged to Padmé. Yet I know very well it is my lightsaber at my side, attached to the black belt of the battle dress, that will make the greatest statement of all.
Silence is replaced by whispers as I step into view of the crowd that far exceeds anything I had expected, the scandalised murmurs overshadowed by the announcement of my name and newfound title that still doesn't sound right to my own ears.
"Hope Organa Solo, Lady of House Naberrie and Princess of Alderaan."
I don't know if Organa was ever included legally in my name when I was born, but it's a change that will surely need to be made now, and I think I like the sound of it.
It's as I reach the microphone I realise what to actually say hasn't occurred to me, only what to omit, but I can hardly make things worse than they already are. Although one lesson comes to mind from all my studies and teachings, one my own mother never heeded until the damage had been done, to control the narrative before it can control you.
In my training here I had been taught by handmaidens and former queens alike how to perform, it is not a skill I've often utilised, but it seems awfully important today.
The galaxy is watching, history is watching, and somehow I know fate itself rests on my shoulders. The fate of what however... I cannot say.
"Forty seven years ago, following the fall of the Republic Padmé Amidala's funeral service was held here," I begin, using what strength I have to keep my voice from shaking. "At my own age she was well into her second term as Queen before further dedicating her life to justice and democracy as senator. Yet her own death for so many years has gone without justice. The Emperor told the Naboo that she had been murdered by a rogue Jedi during what would later be known as Order 66 for the order he gave the Clones to exterminate the Jedi. It was the belief of those who knew her best that her husband Anakin Skywalker fell protecting her and their unborn children from Darth Vader."
The words are sour on my tongue, and knowing that this is as much about protecting my mother as it is controlling the narrative and ensuring Naboo remains on our side I change direction. The legacy of Padmé and my own mother rests here on my shoulders, and I cannot disregard either for the sake of my own.
"My mother once told me that the gardens of Alderaan's palace contained a statue of Padmé Amidala during her time as queen, placed there by Bail Organa in memory of his friend and the mother of the girl he and his wife Brenda Organa would lovingly raise. My mother felt a strange connection to the Queen that she could not explain, and her adoptive parents fostered this connection despite keeping the truth of it secret in order to protect her. As the daughter of a Jedi she would have been killed if this truth were to be discovered by the Empire, but... as it has now become known she is more than the daughter of a Jedi and a Queen. She is the daughter of Darth Vader, the monster that the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker became."
I do not mince my words, the last thing I can dare display is sympathy for him and knowing somewhere that Luke and Ben will watch this I certainly make my stance clear. Yet as I look up at a stainglass window across the courtyard made in my grandmother's image I know I have a duty to uphold the truth of the man she had loved to her dying breath, regardless of what he became.
"In the past week I have heard many horrific accusations and conspiracies thrown against my family, as well as against myself personally. As I am aware of what is being spoken in private as well as publically it is my duty to tell the people of Naboo the truth as I know it. I was raised with the knowledge I had two sets of grandparents from my mother's side, Bail and Breha Organa who raised her from birth, and the parents that she was born of... the Jedi Anakin Skywalker and the Naboo queen Padmé Amidala. It was my belief that both were tragically killed at the conclusion of the Clone Wars..." My saber has never felt so heavy by my side. "That Anakin Skywalker was killed by Darth Vader. It was what his master Obi-Wan Kenobi had told my uncle Luke Skywalker and as such it is what he had told my brother and I."
I look at the camera now, knowing who I am speaking to; the galaxy as much as my own family, along with ghosts that linger in the force. Through the force I feel them as though they're standing right over my shoulder, as well as my own mother telling me to confess the truth, that I didn't know.
But what's one more lie?
"The knowledge of what he became is something I discovered over time," I say, bending my words as expertly as I'd learned from my own family. "Anakin Skywalker was a name well known throughout the galaxy, and especially to the Naboo. He was known as the hero without fear, and had along with my grandmother saved Naboo from catastrophe during the Clone Wars. He was a participant in the Invasion of Naboo at just nine years old and defended it whenever he was called to protect the innocent, which is the legacy of the Jedi. This was the man Padmé Amidala fell in love with long before the death of Anakin Skywalker and the birth of Vader."
Standing here now I feel murmurs of darkness through the force, and raise my hand to the circlet I wear, hearing voices echoed in its force signature.
"Aggressive negotiations? What's that?"
"Uh well- negotiations with a lightsaber."
There's laughter, soon followed by something far more sombre.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do? I will do anything you ask... if you are suffering as much as I am please tell me."
"I can't."
"I-" I begin, torn with conflict between the memories I've seen and what R2 has shown me. "It is my duty to the Naboo and to the greater galaxy to reveal the truth of Padmé Amidala's death and the role Darth Vader played in it, since that has also been called into question in light of the revelations. Palpatine had been a mentor to both of my grandparents, or rather he manipulated them into serving his own plots. When my grandmother stood against him he turned his attention to my grandfather. While it has been contested, I can stand here with full certainty to say that Palpatine was a Sith. Whilst the Sith are seen as fables in most parts of the galaxy many on Naboo would remember them as being real. From Maul, to Dooku, to Palpatine... and then Vader. Whilst Naboo feels great shame for Palpatine's actions many still hold the Empire's propaganda to be true, I myself had been expelled from university for arguing against it and speaking the plain truth that the Clone Wars was orchestrated by the Sith to bring about the fall of the Republic."
Again I feel the cold weight of the circlet and its words.
"We'd be living a lie, one we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you Anakin? Could you live like that."
"... No. You're right. It would destroy us."
"Padmé Amidala in her last days stood against Palpatine, forming the Delegation of 2000 to contest his rule of the senate," I continue with what I know to be fact. "She was his greatest adversary, and her existence stood in the way of his plans for the Galactic Empire's rise and to secure Anakin Skywalker as his apprentice, as his enforcer. She was living on borrowed time as long as she stood against Palpatine, and it is my belief that Anakin foresaw the death of his wife and was manipulated into believing turning against the Jedi was the only way to save her life."
Something inside of me is torn away as I reveal the truth of my legacy through piecing together the broken fragments I have. Exposing the worst of it so there is nothing left that can be held against us.
"During Order 66 he stormed the Jedi temple along with the 501st legion and slaughtered all those inside before travelling to Mustafar to eliminate the remaining Separatist council. When Padmé learned of what he had done she travelled there with the Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi to confront him, during which she would be physically harmed by her husband and taken to Polis Massa for medical treatment. It is during this encounter I believe Anakin Skywalker was left for dead by his former Master and fitted with the mechanical apparatus Darth Vader would be known for. Meanwhile Padmé went into labour with Bail Organa and Master Kenobi as witness. She would not survive."
There are sounds of sobs from the crowd, whispers of shock and exclamations of anger. The people of Naboo may have loved her, and they may worship her memory, but they never knew her. Not truly.
But now they may finally have a piece of the truth.
"Her death is a tragedy, and it is my regret that the truth surrounding it has gone unknown for so many years... and that extends to the truth of what Anakin Skywalker became." Became... as if it was a natural metamorphosis and not utter manipulation of the utmost violence. "A monster of the worst nightmares imaginable. A creature of such darkness and hate-"
Is that the truth? Did I not see his humanity creep through in my visions of him investigating his wife's death? Did he not still love her as twisted as he became?
"Whose own children were not exempt to suffering at his hands. It is important for me to say, especially regarding the attacks and accusations that have been made, that myself and my family will forever oppose the Empire in all its historical and surviving forms," I state, knowing its sentiments certainly live to this day. "As a member of House Organa and the granddaughter of Padmé Amidala I condemn its actions against Alderaan and the greater galaxy. As a Jedi I condemn its actions against the thousands of force sensitives who were systematically murdered under their regime. And as a daughter I whole heartedly condemn its crimes against my mother who had spent her entire life fighting its tyranny only to now be accused of working alongside them. Such a statement is not only ignorant, but utterly shameful."
My voice stills, but only for a moment.
"As the grandaughter of Darth Vader and as a Jedi, it is my duty to see that his darkness never again rises, and it is also my duty to ensure the that senate never again allows such tyranny to take hold of our Republic. Its most corrupt may have disgraced and removed my mother's voice from their ranks, but that does not mean it has been silenced." Knowing my next words border on sedition, knowing some will see me as a mad radical, I continue. "I appeal to galaxy to stand against corruption and tyranny in all its forms, for I shall remind you that it took hold of the senate long before the Republic fell and look at it today! Condemning rebel heroes for the crimes of their fathers while they themselves had willingly served the Empire! The hypocrites making our laws, the senators who are meant to defend freedom and democracy never lifted a finger for it and now condemn those who did! Palpatine may be gone, but everything he stood for lives on within the walls of the senate and there can be no democracy or justice in this galaxy unless we stand and fight for it. It is not a battle fought once and won, it is a battle fought every day and complacency will only ensure that the galaxy again falls under the darkness that so many died to defeat."
Standing here now I realise that they are listening, that I have a voice. Even if they look at me and see only Padmé Amidala and Leia Organa, they are listening.
"If the senate cannot deliver democracy then it is our duty as citizens of the Republic to take it into our own hands. We do not live under the thumb of the Empire and we should not be afraid to speak out against the mess that the senate has become, aiming to install a centralised power just as Palpatine had in the last days of the Republic. The baseless accusations against my mother are only proof of their desperation to erase any opposition to the Centrist party who brought these revelations and accusations to light. I assure you they did not have integrity in mind, only destruction, and that is what will ensue if we are not vigilant." I look behind me to see the Queen of Naboo and hold her eye as I say "As Princess of Alderaan and Representative of the Alderaan Sector, I hope Naboo and its people will stand with me."
She is hesitant as she comes to my side, Naboo having been infamously quiet in the grand scheme of galactic politics in shame of Palpatine, but she knows she also has a legacy to follow.
"Naboo and its people stand with the Princess of Alderaan and echo her sentiments on democracy and our duty as citizens of the Republic to uphold its values so the galaxy may never see the tyranny of the Empire rise again."
The rest of her words are drowned out by the pounding in my head until there is applause from the crowd and I am ushered back inside the walls of the palace, although my feet take me further as the weight of what I know is to come threatens to bring me to my knees.
It is only when I reach my grandmother's tomb and look upon the stone carving of her likeness that I fall to my knees. The stone is cold beneath my hands along with the tears that wet my face and I tear the silver circlet from my head as their words echo. Their love having indeed destroyed them both.
If Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi's chosen, could fall to the darkness so easily what hope do I have? If he could become so maddened by the darkness to cause his own wife's death then how can Ben and I ever stand against it?
It's then darkness again washes over the tomb with the exception of enough light to cast a shadow over the wall, a shadow in the form of Vader. His modulated breath is louder than my own shaking rasps as I slowly draw my saber.
"You must control your fear and release your anger," he tells me, my hand trembling around the hilt. "Only through harnessing your hatred can destroy your enemies."
"My enemies?" I whisper and the shadow steps closer.
"Those who hold you back," he speaks, now with a voice far more familiar as his form shifts to that of just a man. "As Obi-Wan held me back. Your master doesn't trust you, he fears you."
"Luke-"
"Will turn against you when he learns what you are," he says, his voice morphing returning to that of Vaders as the shadow twists into a masked shape unfamiliar to me whose voice is unfortunately familiar. "He will fail us, but through the power of the darkness we will destroy him."
I shake my head, throat tight. "Ben-"
"Will die and be reborn, just as Anakin Skywalker was," he says and a sob catches in my throat at the sound of my brother's modulated voice. "Don't be afraid, together we will finish what our grandfather started."
"No," I grit out, my hand tightening around my saber as I ignite it and the form on the wall again shifts to one far smaller, a hooded figure, and darkness unlike any I've ever felt washes over me.
His voice is strained, elderly, purely vindictive as he speaks directly into my ear, his breath cold. "Oh but you will my child... you rise as the true heir of-"
A scream's torn from my throat as I swing my saber back only to cut through air and I'm choking on tears as I rasp for breath and it's then my eyes catch the circlet that lays before me on the stone floor. My reflection stares back at me in the silver metal with eyes of yellow rimmed with red and that is when a scream that shakes the foundations of the tomb is ripped from my lungs. Deep and gutteral and uninhibited, as if I could purge the darkness from my body through it alone.
But I can't.
And so when everything falls silent, and my shaking hands struggle to keep my body off the floor, all I'm left with is the foreboding dread of what's to come.