A/N: This chapter is based off of 10cc's I'm not in Love. Thank you to everyone for the wonderful reviews and support with this story! I hope you like this chapter...more to come soon!
Gil Grissom was not in love with Sara Sidle. It didn't matter that from the moment he met her, he spent way too much time thinking about her. He'd met her on the first day of a week-long forensics conference in San Francisco and quickly spent all of his free time with her. Of course he'd only done that because she'd been an interesting person to be around. She was intriguing. An enigma of sorts and so he'd been thrilled by the challenge of her company and nothing more. It also didn't matter that when he'd needed someone to help out with a death on his team that he'd called Sara. He easily could've pulled a CSI from another shift but instead he'd called her to come from San Francisco. She was hand picked by him, but of course that only meant she was the most talented CSI he'd ever met. A brilliant mind that could effortlessly solve even the most complex of puzzles.
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no
It's because…
When Sara Sidle arrived in Vegas and found him at his crime scene, Gil Grissom had said he didn't need to turn around. He said this merely because she had a distinct voice. One he'd recognize anywhere and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he'd spent countless nights dreaming about said voice. About what it would feel like to hear that voice whisper his name in the heat of passion. It also wasn't because that voice did things to him no other voice could. Gil Grissom was definitely not in love with Sara Sidle. After having gone over 40 years of his life successfully escaping love's clutches he would certainly know if he was in love. Wouldn't he?
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..
When his week in San Francisco came to a close he left the city with a heavy heart. The feeling was very foreign to him and he chalked it up to having to return to work and not the captivating brunette he was having to leave behind. They had exchanged contact information and he told her he'd be in touch but he sincerely doubted it. So imagine his surprise when a week later he was picking up the phone and his fingers were tracing the numbers on her business card as he dialed. He was only calling her because he had an interesting case and he wanted her input from a physics perspective. After all she did have an Ivy League degree in the subject.
She picked up on the second ring and told him she was happy he'd called. She'd been telling a colleague about his lecture and how much she'd learned. The voice that sang through the line let loose a torrent of butterflies in his stomach. He rationalized he'd tried something new for lunch and this was the cause and it had absolutely nothing to do with the way her voice seemed to draw him in. The way he kept thinking of another question just so he could keep hearing her voice. When she told him she had to get back to work, a cold ache spread throughout his body. Grissom went to check the thermostat in his office and determined it must be broken.
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because…
Be quiet, big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
A month after his return from San Francisco a small manila envelope made its way onto Grissom's desk. He looked at the return address and noted it had been sent from San Francisco. His pulse rate increased as he fumbled with his letter opener. He chalked it up to the fact that it was a particularly hot day and he just came back from spending far too much time in the desert sun and it had nothing to do with the sender of said envelope. Inside he found a short note and some photos. "Griss, the photo came out much better than I thought it would. You should see the other ones on the roll. I've included a few for your viewing pleasure. Had me laughing. – Sara."
He started looking through the photos, a large smile lighting up his face. They had been walking through Golden Gate Bridge park when they came across one of those disposable cameras with one photo left on the reel. They were humorously guessing about what photos could possibly be on the camera when a woman stopped and asked if they wanted her to take their picture.
Grissom looked at hilarious photos of random objects (obviously taken by mistake), one which included an askew picture of a public restroom before he came upon their picture. His breath caught in his throat as he stared down at the photo. His breathlessness had NOTHING to do with the brunette beauty in the photo (of this he was adamant). He was just tired from such a strenuous day. So tired in fact that when he finally left work instead of heading straight home he went out and bought a frame for the photo and put it next to the only other photographs he had in his home, one of him and his father when he was 7 and one of his mother.
I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because…
When the lab exploded he was so overwhelmed with the current state of affairs that he wasn't thinking clearly. When he'd seen her sitting outside he'd rushed over to check on her merely to make sure he didn't need another ambulance at the scene. When he called her 'honey' it was a simple slip of the tongue and had nothing to do with the fact that he was panic stricken when he hadn't seen her during his initial search of the area.
Later when she asked him to dinner he said no (a little too forcefully) even though the first word that had come to mind was yes. He didn't say no because he was looking to protect her. Protect her from having to deal with someone who may become completely deaf. Someone who might never again hear her beautiful voice.
When Gil Grissom told Sara Sidle he still didn't know what to do about this he obviously wasn't referring to the feelings that had steadily grown for 5 years. Feelings that threatened to disrupt his very neat and tidy existence. Feelings that left him trapped in a complicated web he didn't see any way out of. Feelings that kept him up at night with thoughts of doing highly irrational things. This was NOT love. This was merely a strong liking born out of appreciation for her superior intellect and her dedication to her craft and not for her impossibly long legs, her huge heart or her endearing gap toothed smile.
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
When Sara told him that she did indeed know what to do about this and by the time he figured it out he might be too late his heart had dropped, the feeling rivaling even the most daring coasters in Vegas. She had interrupted his impending call to his doctor and that must be the reason; his nervousness over the call he knew he had to make. It wasn't because the thought of losing Sara (and knowing a plant wouldn't fix it) left him absolutely empty inside. Like all the lights on the strip had simultaneously gone out.
Since this certainly was not love, he pushed her away so she could learn how to work better with the others on the team and not so he could breathe without constantly being bombarded with thoughts of her. Thoughts that most certainly were not workplace approved (well some of them anyway). Sometimes he thought about what it would be like to simply hold her hand. To snuggle up with her on his couch while they watched a movie. Yes, distance was the answer. It also didn't matter that Grissom acted like a 7-year old boy with his first crush treating said crush like shit like all 7 year olds do. Of course that didn't matter and in NO WAY did it mean he was in love with her.
When he walked into Debbie Marlin's house it was like every other crime scene. Like the hundreds that had come before it. When he actually saw Debbie's face his sharp intake of breath had little to do with her resemblance to Sara and more to do with that state of the crime scene. When Sara arrived at said scene, he made sure he kept her outside working the perimeter. He did this because they already had plenty of help inside and not because he was worried she'd see him fall apart. He was barely able to keep it together in front of Catherine. Everytime he turned around he could see her lifeless body (and it wasn't Debbie he was picturing) and a chill would run up his spine.
When he'd questioned Lurie, his confession was merely a tactic designed to get the doctor to talk (unsuccessfully) and it wasn't as if he was baring his soul to a complete stranger. When the case ended (without a resolution) and Brass invited him into his office for a drink he leapt at the chance. The case had drained him as all his unsolved cases did. This was no different. When Brass held up his glass of scotch in a toast saying, Ain't love a bitch he'd responded with it certainly is. Of course this was not because he was in love but merely because that's what one replied when prompted in situations like this. When he downed his glass in one shot it also had nothing to do with his love for Sara. He was just tired and in a rush to get home.
When he arrived home he headed for his own bottle of scotch. He downed half the bottle while he held her framed photo in his hand. It was a nice view of the Golden Gate Bridge and nothing more. By the time he'd finished the bottle he thought about how he'd never drank a whole bottle in an attempt to forget about a woman before. Well there's a first time for everything and once again it didn't mean he was in love.
As he looked at the empty scotch bottle, Gilbert Grissom never thought himself a dishonest person but the truth was he'd been lying. To himself and to Sara for years. Gilbert Grissom did not love Sara Sidle, no he was just deeply, madly, insanely in love with her and he had no fucking idea what to do about it.
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through