Wife of the Wolf, Husband of the Sun
Chapter One-Hundred and Five
The cold air of the North was like a balm to him after so very long away, for a few moments back in the heat of battle he had thought that he would never be able to feel it again. That he would die on a muddy bank in the Riverlands, blood all around him and rain splattering on his face and starring at nothing as his life ended.
The cold meant he was alive, the cold meant that he was home.
But he wouldn't be able to stay, a crown was as much a cage and King's Landing was his place now. Jon had not been happy to hear that he was going back to Winterfell so soon, he and Hoster Tully had both tried to convince him to remain behind in the capital but he would not be moved away from this course now. He wanted to see Winterfell one more time.
He didn't know when he would see it again. And he owed it to his Father, and to Benjen as well.
It had been a long road back, made even longer by the host that had followed behind him. Also the wheelhouse that Elia had rode in was large enough to add some time to their journey. A king needed a host when he made a progress, after all. And the roads were not safe enough yet to travel in small groups, most of the fighting forces had returned to their own lands but not all and there were still bandits and raiders as well.
Still, it made the claws that seemed to be tearing at his stomach every time they had to stop for the night only seem that much more vicious, but he held his tongue about that. He was never one to easily speak of his problems, and now he was the King. Above any and all and his problems could only be his own to bare.
Even Elia, he could not tell her all that troubled him. He would not have told her about Lyanna's babe, only she had managed to see through his lies so easily like they were nothing and left him with no alternative but to tell her the truth of it. And now he was King, and the problems that would bring he could share with no-one. Elia would offer, he had no doubt about that and he loved her for it.
But she would not be able to understand, in a way he did not wish her to. He had never wanted this, he had never wanted this for her or for their children but now there was nothing that he could do about it no matter how much he wished that wasn't the case. The Grand Council had made it's decision and if he was to try and put himself out of the way all that wound wind up happening was that the crown would end up on Torrhen's head that much sooner.
Gods, he hated all of this and he prayed that he would live a long life, he prayed that he would be able to live long enough to see his second hundred nameday so he could spare Torrhen from this for as long as he could. Why would anyone want to be king? When all you had was the knowledge that every decision you make could end up with the deaths of thousands, when every day you had to deal with the knives in the shadows.
Was power enough of a balm to cope with that? Maybe for some, but not for him.
Ned sighed and reached up a hand to rub at his eyes, trying to dispel the already forming headache. He seemed to be suffering from them more and more as of late. He wasn't certain if a headache could kill you or not but he was certain that if it could then this one would. It came on suddenly and the pain was piercing, even the light of the day seemed to be making it worse.
He knew that he should ask for something to sooth the pain, but as he was King now he would need to ask Pycelle for anything that was related to his health and Ned did not trust the man, he had been pleasant enough ever since Ned had the crown placed on his head but there was something about his manner that disquieted Ned, he seemed almost too quick to please him.
Ned knew that he might well be being unfair to him, he was the King now and he knew that meant that plenty of people would want his favour and thus would be naturally quick to please him and Pycelle had sworn to obey and serve the realm and advise him as best as he could but he could not shake the feeling that relying on him too heavily would be a mistake.
He would have to ask the Maester at Winterfell, which would not be to long now.
Ned allowed himself a small smile when he saw the castle off in the distance, across the moors and through the mists. It did not match the size of the Red Keep or the Golden Tooth, nor did it have the beauty of Riverrun or Sunspear but it was his home and he had never loved it more than he did at that moment. He had a sudden childish impulse to get himself and Elia through the gates and then slam them shut and hide until the large host that had followed them had gone away.
He couldn't, and he would not of course. But that did not change the fact that he wanted to do so.
The portcullis was open for them and Ned rode into the courtyard where Winterfell's entire household was waiting for him, except for his Father whose absence sent a squirm of dread in Ned's stomach. He did his best to not let it show however as he rode to the side of the courtyard and waited for the rest of his host to come through, which took a while.
Once the wheelhouse had come in and the door opened and Elia stepped out, garbed in heavy velvets and furs, Ned dismounted his horse and walked over to her and quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek before he lead her over to the line of people who had come to greet them. As soon as Ned took a step towards them, they had all fallen on to their knees.
It made his throat go dry, even here, no one would ever treat him the same again. It was a childish resentment and he forced it away before Ned continued on to them and standing in front of a familiar head of dark hair, holding a hand down for him to take. "Brother, you never have to kneel to me."
Benjen glanced up at him for a moment before he took his hand and allowed Ned to help him to his feet, by all the gods it had been so long. The fat of youth which had for so long clung to Benjen's face was gone now, his face was thin and long and his eyes were not as soft as they had been and when he smiled it was a brittle thing, the wisps of a beard was clinging to his chin. "Winterfell is yours, your Grace."
Ned let out a laugh at that and he quickly embraced his brother and Benjen embraced him tightly back, the two of them standing together like that for a moment. When they pulled apart Benjen turned to face Elia and offered the same smile to her. "My Queen." Benjen tried to take Elia's hand, no doubt in order to kiss it, but Elia instead pulled him in for an embrace of her own.
"None of that, I have missed your dearly brother." Elia whispered into his hair before she pulled away from him. "I...I would like you to speak to you in private, when you have a moment. There is something that I would like to say to you."
"Of course your Grace, whatever you wish." Benjen said, his confusion evident on his face when he glanced over at Ned to see if he had any idea what his wife wanted to speak off but Ned was as confused as he was. Benjen then cleared his throat. "But, before anything else, I think that there are two people you would wish to see before anything or anyone else."
Benjen gestured with his hand and Bette the wetnurse stepped forward from the crowd, clutching at both side of her skirts were his sons. Any sort of kingly dignity that Ned had been trying to show was quickly thrown aside as he hurried over to Bette, bending down to quickly scoop up Torrhen. He was about to turn and scoop up Mors as well but Elia had already beaten him to that.
Ned ran his fingers through Torrhen's hair for a moment and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he pulled back to look at him, his hair had grown longer in the time he had been cone and it cured at the end and his nose was small, it looked like Elia's. "Hello my love, do you remember me?" He asked, knowing it was more than possible that he didn't after all this time.
"You're my Lord Father, and the King now." Torrhen said as he looked up at him with wide eyes. "Are you going to stay now? You were gone for so very long and Mors missed you while you were gone."
"You missed him more than I did!" Mors shouted as he pulled his face away from his Mother's neck to glare at his older brother, Ned had to do his best not to laugh at the sheer adorableness of it, it wouldn't do to make a mock of his son's serious complaint after all. But of course, at that moment Mors decided to break his heart as he focused his attention on to him. "But you will stay now, won't you?"
"We may need to leave Winterfell, but if we do then you will come with us." He could not lie to them, he would not lie to them, but the reality that they would have to leave Winterfell was a truth that could wait a little while longer till it was given in it's full scope. This was the only home the Torrhen and Mors had ever known, it was all they had ever known. They were both far to young to remember when they had been taken to Dorne.
"Ned, I hate to interrupt this but Father told me that he wants to see you as soon as you arrived, he's in his bedchamber." Benjen spoke and for a moment Elia had a shocked look on her face which Ned didn't know what to make of but before he could question what was wrong she rose to her feet and gestured for him to hand over Torrhen into her hold, which he did so. Torrhen was quick to relax into her embrace.
"I'll take the boys to the nursery, you go and speak with your Father." And with that Elia walked past them into the great hall, her two knights of the Queensguard following behind her. Benjen looked at him, waiting for him to take the lead, and Ned nodded for a moment before he rose to his own feet and began to make his own way inside.
It had been so long since he had walked these halls and yet he still knew the way to his Father's bedchamber like it was nothing, he was fairly certain that he could make the trip with his eyes closed. It was odd, he was a king. The most powerful man in all Seven Kingdoms, in concept if not in reality, and yet walking this walk had him feeling like he had been summoned by his Father for a scolding.
He commanded his Kingsguard to remain outside and Benjen made no effort to follow him and so Ned walked into the room alone, he caught sight of his Father lying in the bed and the sight of him was like knife to his heart and his legs nearly buckled. He was glad for the chair that had been set next to the bed because if it had not been there for him to sit down in then he was certain he would have fallen to the floor. "Oh, Father."
Lord Rickard looked like living death, Ned had never worshiped the Seven but he had seen drawings of the Stranger in the books and in most of the books he had looked like a gaunt figure in robes, no healthy man should look like that. He was as pale as milk and his hair was thin and grey and listless, his beard was snowy. And yet, when he spoke there was still something in his voice that commanded Ned's attention. "I've have none of that boy, I'm not dead yet."
"Why did you not send word?" He breathed as he reached out to take his Father's hand, as soon as he took hold of it his Father squeezed. Before, the strength behind it would have been near enough to make Ned bruise. Now, now it felt like it was only slightly more strength than a new born kitten would be able to muster. "I would have come to you, as soon as I was able."
"And where was I to send word to?" Half dead and yet his Father was still able to make him feel like he was a fool as easily as he could take a breath. "You've been moving from one castle to another and there was a war to be won, you had more to worry about than an old man who was coming to the end of his time. Your brother wanted to try and send word but I commanded him to do no such thing. And here you sit, alive. It was the right decision."
"Yes." Ned was silent for a few moments then as he thought, wondering for a moment if he was actually going to say it but the truth of it was that he knew he had to. "Father, Brandon and Lyanna are dead. They died in Dorne, Lya...she was-" He couldn't tell her the truth of it, not just to protect her babe from anyone who could be listening but he could not bare to tell him of Lya's suffering. "It was a summer fever, it had been burning through her when I arrived. Brandon died trying to reach her. I've brought them home, so their bones could rest in the crypt."
Lord Rickard closed his eyes, let out a deep breath and was silent for so long a time that Ned was about to go and fetch the Maester when his Father opened his eyes and sighed heavily. "There was too much wolf blood in them, I tried so hard to curb it in them. But I never could, they were to wild and free. You can befriend a wolf, you can break a wolf. But you can not tame one, I hoped for a moment I had been able to get through to Lya after my heart attack, but it seemed I was wrong. They were both always going to die young."
"It wasn't Lya's fault." He was not so quick to defend Brandon, he had always pushed into things to fast. But not Lyanna. "She was taken while she was praying, she did not ask for him to take her. It wasn't her fault."
"No, maybe it wasn't." Lord Rickard did not look convinced but it was only for a moment before he turned his attention fully back on to him. "And you, risen higher than I ever dared to hope. King of the Andals, the First Men and The Rhoynar. Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm. I know you lad, I know you don't want it. I know you think you shouldn't have it. But you might be the first man to sit that throne in over a hundred years who actually deserves it."
Ned had learned a long time ago that it was better not to argue with his Father, it was a lesson that Brandon and Lyanna never seemed to learn. Sooner or later, Lord Rickard always got what he wanted. "Benjen's going to be the Lord of Winterfell." It was the only thing that he could think to say in that moment, it seemed almost to silly to think of. His baby brother as the Lord of Winterfell, and Warden of the North as well as Lord Paramount.
"He has more than proven himself ready for the role, he's not had much of a choice." Lord Rickard's features darkened then into anger. "Not that your wife gave him any other choice when it came to that."
Ned was willing to let his Father say whatever he wished, but not when it came to Elia. "And what's the supposed to mean?" He asked, his voice falling low.
Lord Rickard seemed surprised but only for a moment and he began to reply. "She abandoned her duties here at Winterfell to go and play at war with you, leaving her sons who are not much older than babes their selves. And she slipped away from Winterfell while I was dead to the world after another heart attack like a craven. So no, I am not best pleased with."
Ned knew already that Elia had left Winterfell without his Father's permission, he would not have granted it even if she tried to seek it she was certain about that but Ned did not know that his Father had suffered another attack. Elia had always made it sound like Lord Rickard was fine, that he was awake. She had been lying to him, all this time. He would deal with that latter.
His Father also seemed more than willing to move past it as well, "You will need to speak to Benjen about his future as well. He's mentioned more than once that he wanted to join the Night's Watch, this is more than obviously impossible now."
"Of course, and when has whatever we actually want ever mattered." Ned muttered and his Father glared at him in a way that always made him shrink when he was a boy, it seemed it still worked when he was a grown man and a king besides.
"We are Starks, our happiness has never mattered. Only our duty." His father sighed then and laid his head back down on his pillow and shut his eyes. "I do not want to fight with you Ned, you've just come back from a war and I am not well. I have lost a son and a daughter as well, it seems. I would like to be on my own now, to rest and to grieve."
"As you say, Father." Ned bowed his head, like he was the King, and rose to his feet to leave the room. He took one last look back before he left and then shut the door behind him.
Benjen had been talking to Ser Barristan and then turned to face him when he came out. "How is he?"
"He's resting." Ned said and then sighed. "Benjen, you and I need to speak. Lyanna and Brandon are dead, and it seems that now I am the King." He reached across and placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, hoping to give him some sort of comfort and strength. "Winterfell needs it's lord, when Father finally goes to his rest it will be you."
Benjen sighed roughly and his eyes fell shut, he did not open them again when he spoke and when he did his voice was rough like he was trying to hold back the tears. "It's not what I want Ned."
"That doesn't matter Benjen, it's your duty. And you must see it done. You'll be married soon as well, to Lysa Tully." He rushed it out, better to put all of it out on to the table and have it done with.
Benjen blinked confused for a moment before he found his voice. "Catelyn Tully's sister? She-she's older than me, does Father know?"
"No, not yet. He will though, but I didn't want to tell him just yet." Ned rubbed at the back of his head for a few moments. "And plenty of women have married men much older than them, and Lysa Tully is not that much older than you. She's pretty as well, it's not a bad match Ben. And it's your duty above anything else so you must see it done as best you can."
"I-I understand. Your Grace, if you'll excuse me." As soon as Ned did give him said permission Benjen walked away as fast as he could and Ned hurried off in the other direction, off to the old chambers that he had shared with Elia.
With the Kingsguard waiting outside of the room Ned walked to sit down at the table in the centre of the room, a fire had been light already to give more warmth to the room than the hot water pipes in the walls could provide. Ned stared into the flames for awhile, allowing his thoughts to wander as he did so. He did not know how long for but the sky had grown dark and he was only pulled out of it when the door to the room opened and Elia walked in.
"I thought I knew how much I missed them, but it was only when I had them both in my arms again that I realised that I didn't really know at all." Elia said with a smile as she walked closer to the fire, warming her hands by it. "I told them about Rohanne, I don't think they really understanding what being an older brother means yet. They are only twins of course, to them a brother is just a sort of special name for a close playmate. And a little sister, well, they have no idea what that means."
"Why did you lie to me? About my Father, you didn't tell me he had another attack. You didn't tell me that he was asleep and could not be woken. You knew that the entire time you were at my side and you said nothing, he could have been dead this entire time and I would not have known anything about it." Elia did not turn around to face him, she just kept looking into the fire. Ned wondered if it was because she was shocked, she was overcome with grief or she was just thinking up what lies to tell him.
When she turned to face him there were tears in the corner of her eyes and any other moment Ned would have risen to go and hold her and to wipe the tears away, but this time he did not move. He let her come to him and when she sat down at the table and reached for his hand, he did not pull away but he did not hold it back either. He stared at her face, a mask of stone.
"You were at war, I did not want to distract you with any more worry than you were already dealing with. If I had remained here in Winterfell I would've taken the same sort of action, not burdening you with any more grief than you were already dealing with." She spoke as more tears kept rolling down her cheeks. "I did what I thought was best Ned."
"I've not been in battle for a long time now Elia, you've had plenty of opportunities to tell me." Ned knew his voice sounded cold in that moment, he didn't want to be cruel to her. He never wanted to hurt her, not even now. He just more than anything wanted to understand.
"Ned, the fighting maybe be over but nothing is done. You've been rebuilding and Rhaella still holds Dragonstone for Viserys and many small groups of soldiers don't know that this is done yet." Elia rose and came over to him to cup his face in her hands. This time, he did not pull away. "And when all of that is put to the side, you had your own grief to deal with. There was never a good time to tell you this, never. Please, forgive me if you can. I am so sorry, my Love."
Ned sighed and looked up at her. "Promise me you will not lie to me again, even if you think it's for mine own good?"
"I promise."
Ned sighed again and pulled Elia into his lap and buried her face into the nape of her neck and hoped that she wasn't lying to him now.
End of Chapter One-Hundred and Five.
Welp, I'm back. Sorry for the long wait, it's been a busy time between chapters but hopefully we should be back to a more regularly updating schedule. I also really hope that you enjoyed this chapter.
Next chapter will be from Elia's POV and just as a quick notice ahead of time there will be a small time skip between this chapter and the next but only one of about a few weeks or so, no more than a month. However, the chapter after the chapter after the next one will see a significant time skip, if this was divided into books then you could call that chapter the beginning of Book 2.
Anyway, with all that said and done, I hope you enjoyed. As always, please consider leaving a review, a follow and a favourite.
With a ton of love and warmest wishes,
DiscordantSymphony