Hello, everyone! OMG04 here!
Now, you probably have some questions. I promise I will explain everything. Basically, this story is a just a series of comedic shorts and skits starring the cast of my most popular story, Demon Slayer: The Tainted Sun.
If you haven't read The Tainted Sun, then I highly suggest you do that before reading this since it will involve spoilers for the main story. I recommend waiting until you've read up to Chapter 19 for this first chapter in particular. I'll be sure to let you know which shorts contain spoilers for which chapters so you can go back and read the original story.
The reason I decided to do this was because it usually takes me a really long time to finish a chapter of The Tainted Sun. So, I want to give my loyal readers something else to take in while I work on the main story.
Since I found these skits much easier to write than the main story, it will hardly increase the wait between chapters of the main story.
I also wanted to show off my ideas and test my comedic genius! I had a lot of fun coming up with these skits and hope those familiar with the main story will enjoy them!
Alright, I think I've covered everything, let's get this show on the road!
*I do not own Demon Slayer, Kimetsu no Yaiba. The Anime/Manga belongs to Ufotable and its author, Koyoharu Gotouge.
"Tanjiro" = Talking
"Tanjiro" = Thinking
Japan - Middle Alignment = Location
"Tanjiro" = Flashback
Crash! - Left Alignment = Sound effect
(Warning: This short contains spoilers for all Chapters up to 19. Please go back and read the main story up to this point to avoid being spoiled)
Flash!
Spotlights shine upon an empty stage in an equally empty theater since the audience was currently reading this from the comfort of their homes.
Soon, two pillars of flames shot out of the stage. One was orange, the other was black. Once the flames vanished, two figures in their respective Demon Slayer uniforms could be seen on the stage.
These two need no introduction...but we'll give them one anyway!
On the left was the kindhearted main protagonist of Demon Slayer: The Tainted Sun, Tanjiro Kamado. On the right was his demonic personality personified as his polar opposite, Onijiro Kamado.
Tanjiro greeted the audience with a smile. "Hello, everyone! Welcome to the first edition of our newest segment, Tanjiro and Onijiro's Do's and Don'ts!"
Applause!
Onijiro looked around the theater in confusion. "Where the fuck did that applause come from?"
Tanjiro ignored him and continued on. "For this segment, Onijiro and I will be giving you advice on what to do and what not to do in certain situations."
Tanjiro put a hand to his chest. "I will cover the 'do's'..." Tanjiro then waved it towards his co-host. "And Onijiro will cover the 'don'ts'!"
Onijiro glared at Tanjiro. "Wait, why am I the 'don'ts' guy!?"
Tanjiro jumped slightly before he began to fidget nervously. "U-Uh...W-Well, y-you see...Uh..."
Onijiro grabbed Tanjiro by the collar and began shaking him. "You got something to say!? Then spit it out, motherfucker!"
Hoping to get out of this situation, Tanjiro turned his head towards the audience. "L-Let's get started, shall we!"
Scenario 1 - Helping the Injured
The scene changes to a dirt road in a bamboo forest. The young Demon Slayer, Makomo Urokodaki, is skipping down the road with a big smile on her face while humming a happy little tune.
But suddenly, she trips on a rock and falls. "Oof!" When she rolls onto her back and sits up, she finds a bloody scrape on her right knee.
The pain caused the young girl to cry. "WAAAAH!"
Anyone nearby would be heartbroken by this young sweet girl's scream.
Onijiro: I don't know about "heartbroken", more like "annoyed".
Tanjiro: Shhh!
What should you do in this situation?
Do
Tanjiro walks by and notices Makomo's dilemma. "Oh no! She's hurt!" Tanjiro's big brother instincts kick in and he rushes to Makomo's side.
He takes out a salve used to heal minor injuries and puts some on Makomo's knee as she's still sobbing from the slight sting which Tanjiro apologizes for and promises that it will be over soon. After that, Tanjiro wraps her knee in bandages.
As the pain subsides, Makomo's cries turn into light whimpers. Tanjiro pats Makomo's head in an attempt at comfort. "There there!"
After Makomo calms down, Tanjiro lightly embraces her, telling her that everything would be alright. Makomo soon falls to sleep in Tanjiro's arms with a soft smile.
Awwww!
Ding! Ding!
Onijiro: Okay, seriously, where is that noise coming from!?
Don't
Onijiro is standing next to the crying Makomo. "WAAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH!"
Onijiro seems astounded by Makomo's reaction to scraping her knee. "You fight literal man-eating demons...and you're crying over a scraped knee...?"
"WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH!" Makomo is unable to hear Onijiro through her crying.
Onijiro smacks his left ear in frustration, she was so fucking loud. "Damn it, I get it already." He then kneeled down to check Makomo's scraped knee.
Onijiro held his chin in a thinking pose as he realized he had zero experience in medical care. Tanjiro at least knew how to wrap bandages and cauterize wounds with Sun Conqueror...
"That's it!" Onijiro thought with a snap of his fingers and a proud smile. He took Makomo's leg and held it up, earning a confused look from the sniveling girl.
"Alright, kid, hold still. This is gonna sting a little bit." Onijiro warned as he heated up his hand and slowly lowered it onto Makomo's knee.
"*Sniffle* Wh-What are you-?"
Ssssssssssssszzzzz
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
After Onijiro "healed" Makomo's knee, she just cried even more. Onijiro wasn't pleased by this. "Hey, brat. How about a 'thank you'?"
While Onijiro glared at the girl, he suddenly felt a dark presence behind him. He nervously glanced back to see a very pissed off Water Hashira, Giyu Tomioka, who also happened to be Makomo's older brother (not actually related).
Onijiro gulped before smiling nervously. "H-Hey, Giyu! I was just helping out poor little Makomo here!" Onijiro roughly patted Makomo's head, making her cries pick up once more.
Giyu narrowed his eyes as he subtly flicked the hilt of his sword out of its sheath as an intimidation tactic.
"...Oh shit."
A few minutes later, Giyu could be seen chasimg Onijiro around the bamboo.
"Come on, man! I was just trying to help! At least I didn't try to cut off her leg like last time! That's an improvement, isn't it!? AAAAGH!"
BZZZZT!
Hahahaha!
Onijiro: Hey, fuck you! I'd like to see you laugh in my face, you fucking invisible pussies!
Scenario 2 - Making Rice Balls
Rice balls, or onigiri, are well known Japanese snacks made from cooked rice and seasonings, all shaped into a small triangular shape with nori seaweed wrapping.
Let's see how Tanjiro and Onijiro make their rice balls.
Do
Tanjiro was in the kitchen inside the Butterfly Mansion, making simple onigiri. Aoi Kanzaki observed from beside him.
He had everything he needed on the counter in front of him. Fried rice, furikake seasoning, and a nori seaweed wrapper.
With care and precision, Tanjiro put together the ingredients as Aoi instructed him. He even experimented a bit and added some fillings to make it taste even better.
Half an hour later, Tanjiro swiped the sweat from his forehead and admired his work. In front of him was a tray of over a dozen perfect rice balls, ready to eat.
Aoi clapped for Tanjiro. "Congratulations, Tanjiro! These look delicious!"
"Thanks!" Tanjiro said while sheepishly scratching the back of his head.
Ding! Ding!
Ooooooo!
Don't
Onijiro stretched out his hands to crack them. "Hmph, watch how a real man gets it done."
Onijiro looked down at his ingredients and looked over at Aoi with an irritated look. "Hey, Ao, where the hell are the rest of the ingredients?"
Aoi raised an eyebrow. "They're right in front of you."
"Pfft, that's your problem, Kanzaki. You lack vision." Onijiro walked off and grabbed a crap ton of ingredients that had no place on a rice ball. "Observe."
And observe Aoi did...with blatant disgust and regret. After two hours of hell in the kitchen, Onijiro's rice balls were finished. And by "finished", we of course mean completely fucked up.
The rice balls, if you could even call them that, had all types of ingredients spilling out including tentacles, uncooked salmon, leaves, eggs, and gave off a repugnant smell that was so strong, Aoi had to stand ten feet away.
"Oh god! That's disgusting!" Aoi said in disgust.
Onijiro glared at her, but moved on and shrugged. "Hmph! Says you. You haven't even tasted it yet."
"You're crazy if you think I'm eating that garbage!" Aoi protested.
Onijiro looked around before spotting Kaigaku walking into the kitchen. With a mischievous smile, he took the tray of "rice balls" and walked up to him. "Hey, Thunder boy."
Kaigaku looked at Onijiro with a distrusting look. "What do you want, demon? And...what is that horrible smell?"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up and swallow this." Onijiro said before stomping on Kaigaku's foot.
"OW-MMM!?" Kaigaku let out a yelp before Onijiro immediately took a rice ball and shoved it into the Demon Slayer's open mouth.
Kaigaku was too shocked to spit out the rice ball and swallowed it by accident. "*Cough* *Cough* WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?"
Onijiro grinned. "See, Aoi? He looks completely healthy even after eating my rice ball."
Aoi looked at Kaigaku with slight concern. "A-Are you okay, Kaigaku? Do you feel sick or something?"
Kaigaku blinked for a moment. "Well actually, now that you mention it, I feel fine."
Onijiro turned to Aoi with a smug smile. "Well, I hate to say 'I told you so' but-."
But before Onijiro could complete his gloating, Kaigaku's face turned purple. "HULCH!" His eyes rolled back as he fell backwards.
Thud!
Onijiro and Aoi moved their heads over Kaigaku to see his convulsing body as foam flowed out of his mouth.
"Hmm...well I'll be." Onijiro smiled smugly once more. "It was so delicious, it killed him! Hahahaha!"
Aoi, however, looked horrified before running out of the room. "LADY SHINOBU! LADY SHINOBU!"
BZZZT!
Hahahahaha!
Onijiro: Clearly, his palette wasn't refined enough to appreciate my delicacy!
Tanjiro: Um...sure, let's go with that...
Scenario 3 - Gardening
The Butterfly Estate, which houses the Insect and Flower Hashira as well as their helpers and our demonic protagonists, has a nice flower garden tended to by Kanae, Shinobu, and Aoi.
The garden has all different kinds of flowers that really fill the place with life. It's so beautiful to see, that even the head of the Demon Slayer Corps, Kaguya Ubuyashiki, likes to come here occasionally to see the flowers before his eyesight fully leaves him.
One day, Kanae asks for help in tending the garden from their resident demon.
Let's see how this goes...
Do
Tanjiro happily offered his assistance in the garden, immediately running to get prepared.
Tanjiro worked diligently in the garden, watering the plants wherever he is told to, planting seeds, replacing dead flowers, etc.
Tanjiro did this all while humming a happy little tune, bathing in sunlight and absorbing its energy. By the time lunchtime arrived, the garden somehow looked even more beautiful thanks to the boy's effort and care.
Kanae walked over to admire Tanjiro's work. "Wow! Tanjiro, this is amazing! You're a natural at this!"
Tanjiro turned sheepish and scratched his head. "Oh, it's not that big a deal! I'm always happy to help in any way I can!"
Tanjiro was later rewarded for his hard work with a whole bunch of fatsia sprouts.
Ding! Ding!
Applause!
Don't
"What the hell is the point of GARDENING!? We're supposed to be Demon Slayers! In what way does this contribute to that!?" Onijiro whined as an impatient Shinobu supervised his work.
"Enough with your whining! You're the one who agreed to this, so suck it up and get to work!" The Hashira ordered. "Start by watering this section."
Onijiro scoffed before moving towards the flowers with a watering can in hand. "I can't believe I let Kanae talk me into this..."
"Huh!? Gardening!? Get real! I'm gonna be the Demon King one day, I don't have time to waste on gardening!"
"Ah...I see. Well, that's a shame. I was going to reward you by helping you get some alone time with Aoi."
"...Huh?"
"But, I can see that you're not interested. Oh well!"
"Wha-W-Wait! Hold up!"
Onijiro: False! I would never fall for such an obvious trap! I simply showed that Hashira pity after her desperate attempt! That's all!
Tanjiro: Hmmmmm...
Onijiro: I do NOT like Aoi!
"Hey! Don't drown them, you idiot!" Shinobu walked up to Onijiro and yanked the watering can from him. While he was daydreaming, he was standing in place, pouring a bunch of water in the same spot.
Onijiro, of course, was unaware of this and glared at Shinobu. "You want me to water the plants, you don't want me to water the plants! Make up your mind, woman!"
Shinobu glared back before going to get more water. "If you pour too much water on the soil, you'll deprive the plants of oxygen and the roots will die! Plus, you're neglecting the other plants that actually do need water!"
"You have to move around more so that each plant gets about the same amount of water and not too much of it so that they can grow big and tall!"
Onijiro stared at the watering can that Shinobu shoved back into his hands. "So you're saying this stuff makes things grow taller...?"
Shinobu raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Well there's more to it than that but yes, but you also have to be careful with how much water you give them, otherwise-uh...?"
Shinobu was interrupted as Onijiro started pouring water on her head, all with a smug smile on his face. Shinobu had absolutely no reaction due to the shock.
After pouring the entire watering can on her, Onijiro smirked. "Sorry, was that too much water? Then again, when it comes to growing, you'll need all the help you can get. Heh heh."
-One Minute Later-
Shinobu chased after Onijiro around the Butterfly Estate with her sword in hand and murder in her eyes.
Onijiro, on the other hand, was laughing like a madman. "WORTH IT! IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
BZZZT!
Hahahahaha!
Back to Tanjiro and Onijiro
"Well, folks, I'm afraid that's all for this segment! We hope you enjoyed and will look forward to more of Tanjiro and Onijiro's Do's and Don'ts!" Tanjiro said cheerfully.
Onijiro snapped his head towards Tanjiro. "Hold up! If you think I'm going through this bullshit again, you're fucking crazy!"
"Come on, Onijiro! Do it for the fans!" Tanjiro pleaded with his demonic counterpart.
"The fans can suck my dick! Get yourself a new clown, I'm out of here!" Onijiro walked off before Tanjiro could stop him.
Tanjiro looked back at the audience with a nervous chuckle. "Sorry, folks, my co-host is being a little uncooperative right now. Don't worry, we'll be back! Just as soon as I convince Onijiro to come back..."
"Thanks for joining us! Until next time!" Tanjiro waved goodbye as the audience started cheering loudly.
"SERIOUSLY! WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM!?" Onijiro screamed.
Hope you guys liked it! Let me know if you want more! As Tanjiro said, until next time!