Kagome woke in a situation she'd never been in before. She'd slept next to Sesshomaaru more times than she could count, she'd slept on a part of Sesshomaru a lot too, like his leg, or her head resting against his shoulder, or cuddled up next to him with his arm wrapped around her but she'd never woken up like this, completely wrapped in him. His arms around her pulled flush against him. She moved a little to get more comfortable and remembered two things, they were completely naked, and two she just had sex for the first time. The slight twinge of pain down there made sure to remind her of that. A small smile came over her face, she was happy, she was with the man she loved, even if she hadn't actually told him that yet, she was happy. He was still with her holding her close, she knew him well enough to know that the reason his nose was in the crook of her neck was because he was scenting her. He wouldn't feel the need to do that unless he felt the same way, right? She sure hoped not anyway, she knew he cared about her, he told her that but he never used the word 'love' and she'd always promised herself the person she lost her virginity to would be someone who she loved and who loved her, did she rush this? On no, she was freaking out, did she make a mistake?

"You're awake, what is wrong?"

She laughed awkwardly "Wrong? Nothing is wrong."

"Kagome, you should know better by now than to lie to me, I'll always know. I can smell it, you start sweating more, I can hear it, your heart starts racing, I can see it, the way your eyes look everywhere but at me, the way your pulse jumps, the way you can't stay still. There's no use in hiding it, just tell me what is wrong."

"I shouldn't have slept with you!" She blurted out before she could think better of it, his itemizing of the way he could tell she was lying threw her off. She realized she shouldn't have said that when his whole body stiffened before he pulled away from her. She knew she had to stop him from leaving or this situation would become a whole lot worse. She lunged over him, thankful he wasn't moving at superhuman speed because if she was she wouldn't be able to stop him. She blushed when she looked down after her lunge and realized his parts were only inches away from her face. After a second, she was able to clear her head of that kind of thought and focus back on what was important.

"That came out wrong! I didn't mean it like I regret what happened." He stopped his active moving away from her but his body didn't loosen after her words so she knew that she had to continue. She looked at him and felt even worse because his face was a blank mask, it reminded her of how he used to be when they first met and she so didn't miss those times, she fell in love with her Sesshomaru, not the cold indifferent one, the one that was looking at her right now. She wasn't fond of the realization that this would probably be his go-to every time they fought or disagreed in the future but she decided to focus on the current problem before working herself up on another one. "No I didn't mean that I regret it, I mean that I love you."

She could tell her words surprised him as much as they surprised her going by the comically widening of his, she was proud of herself for being able to keep her face straight because she'd never seen him look so surprised before. She waited to see if he would say anything to respond to her but he didn't. He just kept staring at her, it didn't take long for his face to turn back to normal. At least it wasn't blank anymore, it was closer to what she was used to, maybe even softer and more open than what she was used to. She considered that a win.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Hnn?"

"I told you I love you."

"You did, I'm still trying to figure out how you went from regretting our joining to loving me."

Well, she couldn't deny that even with the way her brain worked that was a jump. Sure, she hoped that he'd return the sentiment but she understood that he needed the clarification. And she told herself Even if he doesn't tell me he loves me too that's okay, that's not why I said it, I said it because I felt it, not for getting anything back.

"Well, I've always said that I wouldn't sleep with someone unless we were in love." She didn't want to stress the word we but she had a feeling she did anyway. "And it scared me, I felt like I failed myself when I woke up because I never told you that. An…." She was going to continue with 'and you never said the same to me' but stopped herself before the words came out thank cami.

"And?"

"And nothing" she lied, hoping he wouldn't notice even with the conversation they just had. "I love you is all. That's what's important to me, I've known I've loved you for a while, I was just afraid to tell you."

His brow quirked but at least while they were talking he became comfortable in his stance and pulled her close to rest her on his chest, he also started to run his claws through her hair which felt heavenly. "Why would you be afraid to tell me?"

Sesshomaru didn't want his little mate, which is what she was, even without the mark, to feel afraid to tell him anything. He hoped she knew by now that he wouldn't judge her, that they weren't going to end, that he had no intention of leaving her,

"It's just that I didn't want you to feel pressured to say it back and… and I didn't want you to, I don't know, get grossed out and run or whatever the demon's version of that is. I didn't want to pressure you in any way."

"Fear not, I do not feel pressured and I am not angry at you." Sesshomaru knew he'd said something wrong when Kagome's shoulders slumped but not in relief, maybe in disappointment? He was not sure but he did know that it wasn't a favorable emotion. "What is wrong?"

"What? Nothing!"

"Kagome…." Did they not just speak about this? He knew she was lying, there was no point in trying to get away with it.

She lifted up from his chest and looked him in the eye. "Do you love me?" Her eyes opened wide like she couldn't believe she actually asked that and then "eeped" before burrowing her head back into his chest and not looking at him,

If he was being honest, he was glad for the reprieve, he did not know how to respond to her, he knew nothing of romantic love. Fuck, he knew nothing of familial love or love at all, his parents made sure of that and he'd saw no need to figure it out on his own. He knew he cared for her like he'd never cared for any other, really he'd never cared about anyone else at all so that was no hard feat to surpass. Though this was more than that, there was something about her that made him know for certain that she was all he'd ever wanted. He wanted to scoff at his own thoughts, what was he, a pup remembering fairytales and bedtime stories told to him by his nanny? He mentally shook his head, he had two options here he could keep thinking like that, like he was raised, to push all emotions away, or he could accept them, that was obviously how Kagome lived her life and it seemed to be working out well for her, it was what she wanted him to do. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, he wanted to talk to her about how he felt but even admitting that he cared about her was a lot for him.

It seemed he had run out of time because she pulled her face from his chest and looked at him with a sad but understanding look on her face, it made his heart hurt. Which was a new feeling for him, one that he did not enjoy at all. "It's fine, Sesshomaru. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you, that wasn't fair."

"Kagome…"

"It's about time for us to be getting back to the group, right? How long was I asleep?"

"Only about an hour but…"

"An hour?" She exclaimed and jumped up to start getting dressed.

The whole time she rushed looking around for her clothes and throwing them on Sesshomaru tried to tell her how he felt but nothing came out, he was starting to get angry with himself. He was Sesshomaru, something as weak as words shouldn't be stronger than him, he could defeat even the strongest foes but emotions were getting the better of him? No, he would not let something so small beat him, though again when he opened his mouth nothing came out. Eventually, he decided retreat was better than defeat so he got up and started to get dressed too, vowing to himself to get the better of his words and emotions soon.

The walk back to the group was made in silence, he could tell Kagome was disappointed, maybe even sad but he felt some relief when she leaned into him after he reached over to wrap an arm around her and pull her close. He once again felt like a pup for thinking such things but he hoped his actions spoke what his words couldn't. He kissed the top of her head to emphasize the point as well as to have an excuse to inhale her scent.

"Fuck, you guys were gone for a long ass time, thank god you're finally back now let's go. Eww gross kagome, you reek of Sesshomaru, stay away from me!" Inuyasha yelled and Kagome blushed bright red.

"Yeah, Kagome, you smell like my mom after she and my papa went on one of their walks. I almost can't tell where you end and Sesshomaru began. It's okay though, my papa told me that only because he and Mama love each other. You and Sesshomaru must love each other a lot." Shippo chimed in, only making Kagome even more uncomfortable and making it more awkward between the two.

"What do you mean Shippo?" Rin asked.

Shippo opened his mouth to answer but Kagome decided to step in. "Hey, who wants a lollipop?"

"Me!" The kids yelled in unison and ran up to her as fast as each of them could, obviously, Shippo got there first but she wasn't able to find the lollipops in her bag until after Rin made it to them.

~~~~~~~

Sesshomaru was starting to think he wasn't as strong and as undefeatable as he once thought he was. Weeks, it's been weeks that he'd been trying to work on speaking words he knew Kagome needed and he still had yet to be able to. Kagome has been good about it, trying to act as if nothing was wrong though he could tell there was. They hadn't rutted again since that day and when they stopped back in the village so that she could return home she made up a flimsy excuse on why they couldn't go to his lands to finish the mating. He understood it to an extent, it was her human sensibilities, and love meant a lot to humans. However what he didn't understand was how not saying the words would change the plans that they had made. For humans love meant loyalty, affection, care, and taking care of each other, he'd been giving her those things since the beginning, so why did not saying the words change things this much? He was upset though instead of showing he kept his distance.

Kagome didn't know what to do, she felt like she ruined everything, it started after she woke up from that nap, she felt like everything she said was wrong and she still hadn't been able to say anything to make it better. She didn't want to fight with Sesshomaru, she also knew she had no right to force him into telling her he loved her, and even if she could, it wouldn't make that love true. Now she had a feeling she ruined things, Sesshomaru was keeping his distance from her and she wasn't sure how to close it. She didn't want to lose him, not at all. She didn't know how to fix it and she didn't have anyone to talk to, to help her figure out solutions. It wasn't like Inuyasha would be any help and it wasn't like she could talk to the kids about it. Her mom didn't even know she was dating if that's what you could even call it. Wait, she could talk to her friends, she just had to figure out a way to modernize their relationship and make up a reason for how she could even meet and fall in love with someone when she was supposedly so sick all the time. Thankfully, they were headed back to Edo again to get more of her supplies, no one wanted to deal with Inuyasha without a constant flow of ramen.

She worried for a minute about having to push off the mating yet again but after a second thought, she had a feeling that he wouldn't even bring it up. She had a feeling he was second-guessing the whole thing and it made her feel like there was lead in her stomach, it felt horrible. She loved him so much and she just wanted things to be okay with him, she just had to find out how to fix this.

"I'm going to need to stay an extra day or two at home, I have something I need to take care of."

"What? No way, we're already taking another detour away from the jewels for this it's too much, while we're sitting waiting for you to get your butt back there are other people out there collecting the shards!"

"Oh shut up, the only reason we're in such a rush to get back to Edo is to get you more Ramen."

"I hate to agree with Inuyasha but we are on a time limit, there are others that want the shards."

"Enough, Kagome can do as she pleases. If you do not want to wait for her, you are free to leave."

No one had much they could say to counter him so they stayed quiet, all but the kids picked up on the tension building between the two but none of the adults, especially Jaken, wanted to do anything to help the two. Miroku knew it wasn't his place, Inuyasha tried to act as if he did not care about the outcome, and Jaken would be more than pleased if Sesshomaru stopped 'dirtying' himself with a human.

Kagome wanted to kiss Sesshomaru goodbye when she went to jump through the well but felt strange about their situation so she didn't make a move to. She was pleasantly surprised when Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her and jumped into the well too. It had to be a good sign that he was coming with her, right? She couldn't help but lean into him while they were falling through the well and felt some sort of relief when he pulled her closer. She took that as another good sign. Though the good feelings ended when as soon as he'd got them out of them well he let her go and took a step away. She couldn't help but let out a sigh of disappointment. After a second she put on a fake bright smile, she didn't want her family to see her for the first time in weeks while she was sad. It only took a second for that fake smile to turn real because she was so happy and relieved to be with her family again.

Sesshomaru followed behind Kagome at his normal pace, he was lost in thought. He couldn't stop thinking about what Kagome had said earlier 'I'm going to stay a few extra days at home'. He knew this was her home for most of her life but he thought she understood what it'd mean when she became his mate. She'd have to stay in the past, there was nothing to say that she couldn't still visit and they'd live long enough so that they were in the same time again but her home would be in the past, with him. Is that why she pushed off the mating?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when her little brother ran up to him and wrapped his arms around Sesshomaru's legs in a hug. He stiffened, this child was sure getting audacious, Sesshomaru thought of it more as impudence but knew that he could not retaliate as he would if this were not his betrothed's brother. He awkwardly patted the top of his head in hello and waited with bated breath for the child to let go.

"Sesshomaru, hi, how are you? I'm good, I got an A on my English test which I was worried about but I studied really hard and it paid off! You gotta come in the living room with me and check out this new game I just got for my good grade! I've been wanting it for a while and mom finally bought it for me, if you liked what we played last time I'm sure you'll love this one! Come on."

Sesshomaru was surprised, for lack of a better word when Sota grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards where the strange invention called 'television' was. Kagome's mom looked at Sota indulgently and shot Sesshomaru an apologetic one. She waved at him hello but didn't try to stop the boy on his mission. Again, if it were anyone else than Kagome's brother, the child would not like the outcome. Then again, he could admit, if only to himself, that he did enjoy the 'video game' that they defeated last time. So he sat where he had every other time he'd come here and took the controller that was handed to him.

Kagome and her mom went into the kitchen after a long welcomed hug. "So, Kagome dear, how is your adventure going? Is the jewel close to being completed?"

Kagome couldn't help the scoff that came out of her mouth. That was all the information her mother needed and her shoulders fell in disappointment. She understood that her daughter had to do this but she couldn't wait until it was over, she just wanted Kagome home. And for some reason, she had the feeling that every time her daughter left to go back in time she was losing her a little more. She couldn't ignore the feeling that by the time this was all said and done, her daughter wouldn't be coming home to stay. Especially if she was going by the looks between Kagome and Sesshomaru the last few times they'd been there, though it was clear something about this trip was different and there was some friction between the two. She had all intentions of staying quiet about what she thought was happening and waiting for her daughter to talk to her but now it looked clear to her that Kagome needed coming to talk to. She wanted her to know that even though she was her mother and such things were not normal to talk about with her parents, she was always there for her.

"Kagome, are you okay?"

"What do you mean Mama? Of course, I'm okay."

"I don't mean physically, I mean here and here." She said pointing to her daughter's heart and mind. "Things seem to be off between you two."

Kagome couldn't help but blush because her mother figured out her problem so fast, she also couldn't help but frown because she was upset there was a problem to talk about. "We're okay, mama, it's just silly stuff because we're together all the time. Like how Souta and I fight."

Mrs. Higorashi couldn't stop the laugh that came out of her. "You're trying to tell me he's like a brother to you?"

"What? No!"

"That's a strong reaction." She said leadingly.

"It's just that I could never think of Sesshomaru as my brother."

"And why is that?"

Her blush came back with a vengeance. "I don't know."

Her mother looked at her for a long time, so long that Kagome felt like she could read the whole story in her eyes. Eventually, she said, "Okay, you don't have to talk to me about what's wrong if you don't want to but I'm here if you ever do. You know that right?"

"Of course I do, thanks mama."

They worked together in comfortable silence to finish dinner and the rest of the night was spent with her family and Sesshomaru, which the more she thought about it, the more she realized he was family to her too. Just not in the gross 'he's like a brother to me' way. Though she knew Sesshomaru wasn't entirely comfortable, it seemed like he fit in with her family too, they welcomed him and he was kind to them too, for Sesshomaru anyway. He played video games with her brother, answered questions about his life with her grandfather, and sat and drank tea with her mother when she offered it.

That's why she didn't feel uncomfortable when she told everyone she had to leave early that next morning. She'd already talked to Ayumi and made plans with her knowing that her friend would call the rest of the group for her. When Sesshomaru tried to join her she told him of the 'female bonding ritual' and how there could be no men involved, he didn't ask more than that though she had a feeling he'd follow behind her and stay close.

Either way, she didn't worry about it too much, he'd learned the rules of leaving the house, he knew he couldn't attack moving machines, that he couldn't bring his swords, show his markings, or do anything that'd make him look not human. So with that knowledge, she left the house with a smile on her face and without worry. She smiled brightly when she walked up to WacDonalds and saw Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri in the window. She fastened her pace to get into the store and the girls let out a simultaneous squeal when they saw Kagome, they got out of their seats, ran up to her, and hugged her tightly in what she'd later call the most perfect group hug that ever happened.

"Kagome, thank goodness, we've been so worried!" Yuka said

"Yeah, every time we came to check on you your mom or grandpa told us you couldn't come down to see us, that you were too sick to move, and that you were contagious so we couldn't go up," Eri said worriedly.

Don't worry, we can help catch you up on school. We've been going to your teachers to get all your assignments and drop them off but I doubt that it's easy to do without notes and having it being taught to you. We can do a group study to make sure you understand it all."

"It's okay guys, I've had someone helping me, I'm all caught up, don't worry." Kagome has done most of the work herself, especially recently but he'd definitely helped work her through some things, and even though they were so advanced in the future, he knew a lot of the mathematics, which was great considering it was the class she had the most problem with. Though like she said she did most of it by herself, she figured this was as good an opening as any to bring Sesshomaru up so she could talk about her problems.

"Who? That hot guy that volunteers at the hospital?" Oh right, she forgot that she'd already talked to them about Sesshomaru before, though the last time she brought him up to them she'd still only felt the attraction to him and the pull. She didn't know about the soul bond and there was no kissing yet, let alone anything else.

"Yeah, he's kind of my boyfriend now, so we hang out a lot and he helps me with my work when I need it."

Another round of squeals happened at her words and she smiled along with them. "Oh cami, tell us all about him! He's older than us right, how old? What does he look like? What is he like?" Ari rambled off the questions.

"He's uh in college, he has a younger brother closer to our age, he has long almost white hair, it's a family trait along with his eye color, he's gorgeous. He's studious, his family is important, he's a lord now and even though he knows that doesn't mean much today, he still feels the need to keep it up so he always tries to be his most pristine self because of that it gets hard to read him but I know he cares about me, if he didn't he wouldn't… he wouldn't do everything he does to make sure I'm safe and content…"

"Wow, Kagome, it sounds like you really love him!" Yuka chirped with a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, I do, I just told him that a few days ago."

"Why do you sound sad? That's supposed to be a happy occasion! Wait, did he not return it? Was he mean? Do we have to find him to kick his butt? Because believe me, we will!" Ayumi said gaining steam, ready to send out the cavalry, so to speak, if need be.

"No, it's not that. I didn't expect him to say it back, really, I didn't. Like I was saying, he's not someone who's good with emotions, he's always so quiet and upright, he doesn't seem like someone who's used to saying how he feels so I prepared myself for not hearing it back, so it's fine. It's just…"

"Just what?" Eri asked softly, worried about her friend.

"It's just I always promised myself I'd save myself for someone who loved me as much as I loved them, and I think he loves me, I just don't know. You know?"

"Well that's okay, there's no real problem, right? Just don't sleep with him and everything will be okay." Yuka said like it was the clearest thing in the world. Which it probably would be if Kagome didn't let her hormones and lust get the best of her, It seemed that her facial features gave her away.

In a voice so high-pitched Kagome couldn't help but cringe, Eri squealed. "Oh. My. God. You already slept with him! How was it? Did you like it? Did you orgasm? Don't worry if you didn't, that's completely normal, your partner has to learn what you like and if he's any good at it he will learn from your cues."

The other girls looked just as excited as Eri about her answers but Ayami had the tact to realize Kagome didn't seem exactly happy with the news. "Kagome? What's wrong? You don't have to worry, it's no big deal if he hasn't said the words yet, you'd know if he loved you, something like that isn't easy to hide unless you're hiding from the most oblivious person in the world or you have the best poker face ever."

Kagome had to give it to Sesshomaru, there was a chance he had the best poker face ever but she'd realized he wasn't good at keeping his emotions from her for some reason. It might be the soul bond but she thought it might be more than that. Seriously contemplating Eri's words, she realized her friend was right. It was all right there if she let herself look. He loved her, he had to. If he didn't he wouldn't be so different, so open around her. He wouldn't work so hard to make sure she was happy and safe, he wouldn't put her above everyone and everything else, even his own quest and his father's legacy. He had a life that she couldn't imagine, she had a warm and loving home, a childhood that had parents pushing her to speak her truth and to let her emotions out. From what she'd gathered, Sesshomaru had the exact opposite, he was raised to push everything down. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd never said those words to anyone before, even his parents, let alone a lover. And you know what, that was okay. She wanted to be his safe space like he was hers, she didn't want to push him so that she felt content while leaving him uncomfortable and unhappy. His actions alone spoke to the care and love he had for her and that was enough right now, the words would come when he was ready she didn't mind waiting.

She smiled brightly at her friends. "Thanks, guys! That was exactly what I needed to hear!"

Eri looked at her with a small smile while the other girls looked at her confused but happy they could help. They spent the rest of lunch prying answers out of Kagome about her first time, and the only reason Kagome let it happen was because she was already focused on after lunch was over, when she left her friends and met back up with Sesshomaru to talk to him and make things right. The girls were a little jealous, none of their first times were as nice and fulfilling as Kagome's sounded. It wasn't long before Kagome made her excuses and started to make her way back home and back to Sesshomaru with a big smile on her face.