A Garment of Brightness

by miaokuancha

Moving to Forks, spending the last eighteen months of her childhood with a father she barely knew ... it seemed like a good idea at the time. A Twilight mosaic, freely drawn from book and movie, wanders into AU as the story unfolds. Rated M for some intense, disturbing images. PM me if you have questions.

79. Libation

Content warning - graphic self-harm

Libation

Owwww! It HURTS! I mean, I knew it was going to, but … my dad's knife looks cruel now. Like a weapon. The serrations on the spine look like angry teeth, and the whole blade is dripping blood. My blood. But I did it. One cut. Got the artery. I can see the red shooting out from my wrist in pulses. Got to get it on the cloth. Don't waste it on the ground! Standing up is shaky. I already feel a little dizzy. Walk up and down beside the cloth. Hold my wrist over it. Make waves of red rain over all the threads.

The designs shimmer and move. Or maybe it's my eyesight.

Let this work. Please let it work.

I'm seeing black spots in front of my eyes. More like blotches. Already. It's all happening so fast. I didn't know it would go so fast. Should have googled. The blood is coming weaker now, and I fall down. Need to get up. Need to make sure that all the threads get blood. All the ashes caught from the air. Get blood.

I'm down again and I can't get up. So tired. Pain is different now. Dull. Hand feels cold and numb. All of me is cold. Feels like when Alice took me under the water. Cold and black and can't get air, even though I'm breathing hard. Dizzy. Is anyone here? Did it work? I roll on my back, try to look around. It's like looking through a long tunnel. I only see the sky. All grey. And one crow. Or raven. Can't tell. Flying over me. I don't hear anyone. No voices. No movement. No one's here.

No one's here.

I've just committed suicide in the absolute dorkiest way possible.

What was I thinking.

I curl back on my side beside the cloth. It's my dad that's going to find me. Like this. Because my cell phone that he replaced for me after I fell off the cliff … is in my backpack.

Oh Dad.

Mom.

I've done such a bad, wrong thing.

The worst, wrongest thing I've ever done in my whole life. The LAST thing I've ever done in my whole life.

No way to go back and make it right.

Mom.

Dad.

Jacob.

Uncle Billy.

Everybody.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Will I even find you, Edward, on the other side. Will I know the way? To where you are? How long does it even take to get there?

How high are the Rocky Mountains …

Wait for me. You said you'd wait. Until the very end of today. You promised.

I was so sure.

So sure.