AN: Massive trigger warning!! This might not all be accurate but I tried to research as much as I could. This storyline is based on a video that Livieluvo did.
You pace around your apartment clutching your tummy, these were the worst cramps that you had ever experienced in your entire life. It was now 2:00am and you'd been having them since around 4:30pm and they just hadn't stopped. You'd already had your period and they'd always been regular so you didn't think it was that... you had decided to google all the possible causes for what you were experiencing now and your blood ran cold; a miscarriage. No, surely not... you had been with your boyfriend for the last 10 years and whilst you had wanted children eventually, you were on the pill and he had been using protection as well. The pain was getting worse and you suddenly felt liquid seeping through your jeans, at this point you know... you know what's going on and your heart begins to break. You had dialled your Mom's number; you just wanted your Mom! She had answered rather quickly, sounding impatient and annoyed at being awoken at this time.
"Mom... I need help. I think.. I think I might be having a miscarriage!" You we're in tears at this point, the pain was unbearable and all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide.
"Why are you ringing me up for this? Just go to the hospital Y/N... you'll be fine! God, you actually made me think that it was something important!" She said and hung up the phone before you could even respond back. That had really hurt... you'd never been all that close but you thought that for sure she'd be there for you for this. You began to get sweaty and clammy, you had work in a few hours and you knew that you couldn't go to work in this condition. You took yourself off to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet, you could feel the blood and some tissue leak from your private area and you hiccup. You dial Olivia's number and let out a sob, desperately trying to keep it together. You were doing a really good job until you heard her voice over the phone.
"Y/N... sweetheart is everything ok? It's very late why aren't you in bed? You've been working doubles all week! You need your rest, sweetheart..." she spoke in such a comforting way and also she just sounded so maternal that you burst into sobs. You can already hear her put some clothes on and grab her keys.
"Honey I'm coming, what's wrong? What's happened!" Olivia spoke with a little more urgency and you hiccup, you know that you need to tell her what's wrong... she'll know what to do! Olivia always knows what to do.
"I can't come into work tomorrow... I think I might be having a miscarriage... I don't... I can't..." You let out a sob and a wail; the pain in your lower tummy and back is excruciating and also you just feel so guilty!
"I am so sorry, baby. I'm coming over now!" She said soothingly and you can hear her rush out of the door and you feel guilty; it's so late and she must be so tired, she shouldn't be coming out at this time in the morning for you.
"Liv I'm ok really... you don't need to come and..." You say tearfully and she cuts you off with an incredulous squawk. It makes your heart ache because she is reacting the way you had wanted your own Mom to and it just makes you feel so upset and envious that Olivia isn't your Mom and never will be.
"Of course I'm coming to be with you, don't be so silly young lady!! Where's H/N? Have you tried to ring him... I'm nearly there honey, is your spare key still under the rug?" She cooed and you sob again at the fact that she remembered where your emergency key was kept from that time a couple of years ago when you'd been wasted on a night out and she had taken you home.
"He's out with his friends... we had an argument a couple of days ago and aren't speaking! Yes, my key is still under the rug... Liv it hurts!" You let out sobs and she calms you over the phone, shushing you gently and you instantly feel at ease... especially when you can hear the spare key turning in the door, your safe place was here.
"Y/N!" She cooed and you call out for her, hearing her footsteps just makes you cry harder. You sit still on the toilet and she bends down to your level, her cold hand stroked your face which provides a small amount of relief to your boiling hot face.
"I'm here, sweet girl. I'm here now... oh darling, I am so sorry!" She pulls you into her arms whilst you cry for her, comfortingly kissing your head and rocking you back and forth. You sob on her shoulder, the embarrassment of being so exposed and vulnerable is overwhelming.
"Shhh... you're ok. It's going to be ok, you're safe now!" She cooed in your ear, making you feel safe and secure even though you were going through so much. After a few minutes, she pulled away from you and held you at arms length so that she could talk to you and tell you what was going to happen.
"Honey, I'm going to take you to the hospital and get you checked over! I'm going to grab you some clean underwear and sweatpants from your room ok? What draw are they in?" She soothed softly, helping you get out of your underwear and the trousers that you had been wearing up until this point.
"My underwear is in the second drawer on the right and my sweatpants are kept in the drawer underneath..." you hiccuped and Olivia took your dirty clothes with her and threw them in the hamper, quickly making her way into your bedroom and grabbing some underwear and a black pair of sweatpants. She made her way back in whilst you were doubled over after a particularly bad wave of tummy cramps hit you.
"Ouch..." You sobbed softly, allowing Olivia to kiss your forehead and rub your lower back. She went rummaging through your bathroom cupboard and pulled out some period pads to put on your underwear in the hopes that it would protect them slightly from what was coming. She helped you put them on and then your sweatpants, allowing you to lean against her.
"Come on, sweet girl. Let's get you a hot cup of tea and some painkillers! You must be feeling awful..." She cooed and you slumped against her, even when she was making you both a hot mug of sugary tea and grabbing you some pain relief she was still so patient and understanding.
"Hurts so bad..." you whisper when she helps you to take the medication and she nods sympathetically, pressing a few kisses to your forehead. The feeling of being in her arms makes you feel so safe and loved, she just lets you stay in her embrace whilst you drink your cup of tea.
"I know Y/N... you're being so brave. Thank you for ringing me and telling me, let's get you to the hospital and we will see what they can do! Come on love, I'm going to be right by your side. No matter how long it takes..." She cooed in your ear and helped to get you into the car, all you wanted was for the pain to stop.
For a few hours you had been laying on a bed in a private room waiting for a sonographer to come and do your ultrasound. Olivia was with you the entire time, gently stroking your hair and whispering soothing words and sweet nothings to you.
"I'm right here, little one. Just hold onto my hand... that's it sweetie! You're safe..." She cooed and you let out a small wail, trying to keep it together when the sonographer came in. She was young and had a kind face which made you feel a little less anxious, she very gently put her hand on your shoulder and spoke in a calm voice which put you at ease.
"Hi Y/N, my name is Meredith and I'm going to be doing your ultrasound. The receptionist said that you think that you're having a miscarriage is that correct?" She said softly and gently rubbed your arm, trying to soothe you whilst you nod your head. You begin to hiccup and Olivia tightens her hold on your hand, trying desperately to keep you calm.
"Would you like your Mom in the room?" Meredith asked gently and you open your mouth to correct her but you see the smile that lights up Olivia's face and the way she tenderly wipes the tears that soaks your face. You can tell that she's loving being referred to as your Mom so you just nod your head.
"Yes please..." You hiccup and Meredith pours some gel onto your tummy, apologising when you shiver slightly from the cold. She presses the hand held device to your tummy and moves it around for a little while before looking at you with a sympathetic look on her face and in that moment you know that you were right.
"I am so sorry, there is no heartbeat. You did nothing wrong, I just want to make that clear to you. Sometimes these things happen... there was nothing that you could've done differently!" She said soothingly as she wiped your tummy clean with some tissue and you pulled your sweatshirt down to cover yourself. She had seen this time and time again, she could tell by your demeanour that you were blaming yourself.
"I didn't know that I was even pregnant... I still had my period and I was using contraception! I did everything right and I killed my baby!" You wept and Olivia just pulled you up into her chest and rocked you back and forth, you sobbed harder when you heard Olivia speak next. You had no idea whether she really meant it or whether she was doing it for Meredith's benefit because she thought that Olivia was your Mom... but it made you feel warm and safe all the same.
"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm right here... that's it just cry it out, Mama's here... just let Mama take care of you! Shhh..." Olivia rocked you back and forth whilst you sobbed for her and the baby that had been growing inside of you, it hurt so much and you couldn't cope.
"That is normal, you did nothing wrong! It was nothing you did!" Meredith emphasised again to you and you just bawl in Olivia's chest, you just want to be with her and no one else.
"This looks like an incomplete miscarriage which should just pass on its own. However what I am going to do is give you some misoprostol to help you contract and expel all the fetal tissue to prevent infection. I'm so sorry if I sound insensitive... what I need to do is insert 4 tablets into your private area and you will need to lay down for half an hour or so for it to work properly and then we will go from there..." Meredith mostly spoke to Olivia as you were just completely numb and not paying attention. Olivia had nodded politely and whispered what they were going to do and you had nodded slightly, only just remembering that your partner had no idea what was going on.
"Mama can you get my phone out please? I need to ring H/N... he doesn't know yet!" You hiccup a little whilst also testing out this sudden new relationship that you and Olivia have developed. She smiles comfortingly at you and kisses your cheek gently, Meredith leaving the room to give you privacy and to get the required medication once she had obtained your consent.
"Of course honey! Here, let me help!" She said softly and got your phone out, dialling his number and holding it to your ear because your hands were shaking too much to do so. It rang for a little while until he answered, you could tell that he was drunk and you rolled your eyes slightly. You didn't want to have to tell him this whilst he was in this state but it couldn't wait...
"H/N I'm in the hospital; I had really heavy bleeding and they've said... they've said that I'm having a miscarriage! I'm sorry I didn't even know that I was..." you trail off and you can hear him laughing and so can Olivia, she's livid at this point and you're just utterly numb.
"Ah we can always have another, it's not even a baby. It's tissue so why are you crying? Get over it!" He says harshly and you don't even recognise this person on the phone! How could he be so heartless to you?! You tear up and try to defend yourself to him, telling him how much it hurts and how sorry you are; that you'll do better! Olivia can't bare to hear anymore and she takes the phone from you, going into Mama bear mode and laying into him.
"How dare you speak to her like that! What the fuck is wrong with you?! She is going through one of the hardest things that a woman will ever go through! Don't you dare speak to Y/N ever again... if you so much as breathe in her direction then I'll come after you... our whole Squad will come after you! How could you treat her like that after you've been with her for so long!!" Olivia fumed down the phone, listening to him laugh and be so nonchalant about your pain was making her blood boil so she just hung up the phone, hugging you tight whilst your heart broke.
"I know, baby. I know... Mama's got you and I'm not leaving you! There we go... just hold onto Mama!" She cooed and that's when you realised that it wasn't a show; she meant every word about being your 'Mama' and being there for you.
An hour had gone by and in that time Meredith had come back with your misoprostol treatment and had administered it, the cramping and bleeding had got worse just like she had told you it would. Olivia held your hand through it all and whispered soothingly to you, she also wiped your tears as they fell. You were going through so much; firstly you were going through this miscarriage, the fact that your Mom had been so cruel to you and also the breakdown of your relationship! It was so much to take in all at once and you grip Olivia's hand so tightly that you're sure it must be hurting her... if it is then she doesn't let on.
"My brave girl... there we go. I know it hurts sweetie, you're being so brave!" She whispered and you closed your eyes, trying to breathe through the pain. A nurse came into the room to check your pads and bedpan alongside Meredith and nodded slightly to confirm that you had expelled all the pregnancy tissue and that it had worked the way it was supposed to. Olivia had sat you up and helped get you cleaned up, wrapping an arm around you.
"You might have some bleeding for a couple of weeks but it'll be nowhere near as bad as this. You can go home now but take it easy! Try and ease the cramping with a hot water bottle, pain relievers and warm drinks... mostly just be kind to yourself and take care, you've got a good Mom here for lots of support!" Meredith said softly and you nodded numbly; she was right, you did have a good support system with Olivia by your side.
"Thank you so much for everything!" Olivia said warmly and helped you to stand up, wrapping her arm around you and taking you outside to her car and getting you in. She buckles you up and gets herself sorted before driving off, one hand on yours and one on the steering wheel.
"Thanks Mama... you can just drop me off by the corner and I can just walk the rest of the way. I've taken up enough of your night and morning!" You hiccuped and Olivia glared at you in disbelief; she couldn't believe what she was hearing!
"Whatever am I going to do with you, young lady? You're coming back with me and I'm not taking no for an answer! I'm going to take care of you... I'm going to be there for you the whole time!" She cooed and you had to swallow a lump in your throat; how was it that she was being more of a Mom to you than your own? She pulled up outside her apartment and got you out, helping you into her apartment and locking the door behind you both.
"But what about El? Surely you both don't want me to be..." you trailed off and Olivia pressed kisses all over your face, starting with your forehead, cheeks, nose and mouth. It felt so warm and maternal that you just sob in her arms, crying out for her because she was the only person who'd ever really protected you.
"You know El loves you as if you're his own just as I do... we love having you to stay and we will both be there for you! Come on, let's get you into a bath and some pyjamas... you poor kid, you must be exhausted!" Olivia soothed and took you into the bathroom to fill you up a lovely hot bath, waiting until she had obtained your consent to help you undress and get into it. You washed yourself as best as you could whilst she washed your hair, it made you feel a lot better already.
"She said that I'll probably bleed some more so..." you rub your forehead to relieve the tension that this whole mess has caused and she nodded, helping you to get out and get dry. She took you on through to the bedroom and laid towels down to protect the sheets, also putting a pad on your underwear and helping you to get changed. She braided your hair and got you into bed, laying beside you and cuddling you to her chest. She knew that the chances of you actually falling asleep weren't very good but if she could provide you with some comfort then that's what she was going to do.
"I'm sorry..." you whisper and Olivia frowns; she hates the fact that you keep apologising for something that isn't your fault and that you couldn't control. She runs her fingers through your hair and speaks soothingly to you for hours, trying to undo years of heartache and years of pain. She knew that you hadn't had anyone to look after you and she was going to change that.
"This was not your fault, Y/N so stop apologising! You've been so strong and so brave for so long and that stops now, Elliot and I are going to look after you and keep you safe! You're so loved..." She whispered and glanced up when the door opened, revealing Elliot standing there. She rolled her eyes slightly, she had asked him to run the Precinct in her absence!
"Elliot... what are you doing here? I told you to..." Olivia trailed off before smiling indulgently; he had a hot water bottle and a cup of tea in his hand. He made his way over and put the tea down and handed you the hot water bottle, it soothed your pains from the minute you put it on your stomach.
"I know Liv... I know! Fin's running things while I come home just to check on you both! My poor little darling..." Elliot cooed and leaned down to press a kiss to your head, your lip shook when he did this as you'd never had a father figure until now and you began to realise just what you'd missed out on. Olivia fell in love with him all over again when she saw just how gentle he was being with you, she knew how worried he had been when she'd messaged him earlier on to explain what had happened.
"Oh El..." you hiccuped and he wiped your tears away with his thumb as though you were Maureen, Kathleen or Lizzie and gently cradled you in a fatherly hug. Whilst he had no clue what you were going through, your sobs and tears pulled on his heartstrings.
"Shhh..." the two older adults cooed in unison, each being comforting in their own way. It was everything that you needed from them and more, you closed your eyes and you were surprised just how tired you were! Between the feel of Olivia's heartbeat against your face, the hot water bottle soothing your cramps and Elliot whispering sweet nothings to you, you were out like a light. You were so out of it that you didn't hear Olivia telling Elliot exactly what had happened and how horrible your now ex partner had been, how he'd stormed off in a fit of rage whilst she was trying to calm him down and had ended up beating him black and blue. Olivia only finding out after Fin and Carisi had covered it up which had secretly made her very proud of them.
Instead you'd woken up every few hours to Olivia's soothing words and cuddles, telling you how loved and safe you were and that you were ok. It had taken a long time to sink in but eventually you believed her, it had taken the worst experience of your life to find a family but now you knew that you had one for life and that they'd always be there to protect you.