Chapter 4: Take a step into the havoc
It quickly became apparent that Chat Noir's raw destructive power didn't immediately go away after he'd used it, like he'd originally thought.
Because he could still feel it, morphing through his skin and into his body. Hotter than fire and deadlier than acid, it spread through his heart, lungs, throat, limbs; burning him to cinders from the inside out. There was nothing left for him but an overwhelming agonizing pressure that cut off any opportunity to breathe, scream or move.
He must be dying.
That was fair, right? That was what he deserved. In order to destroy things, you had to be willing to destroy yourself along with it. But he wished it would hurry the hell up because the pain was quickly becoming unbearable.
The persistent tugging on his wrist grew more frantic. Ladybug. She was talking to him. But it didn't matter. He was already underwater, already drowning. Her voice was only washing further and further away.
"Chat!... okay!... fix this!... MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!"
A thousand mini ladybugs burst into existence and filled the space around him with dazzling red light, before eventually flying away into the distance like a swarm of bees. Though his vision was fuzzy with dancing black spots, he could just about detect something in front of where he was kneeling. Something large and coppery that hadn't been there a second ago.
Convinced he was just seeing things, Chat Noir raised a trembling hand and pressed against it. But it was cold. Solid. Immovable.
The train?
Either his hallucination was seriously vivid, or he was already dead.
But his confusion paused the deterioration in its tracks. The burning sensation within him died down into pins and needles. The world once again turned the right way up, and the water became slightly more breathable. He gulped down great lungfuls of air, keeping his hand on the inexplicable train to support himself.
Ladybug was also louder, too.
"See? It's fine! Everyone's fine. You didn't hurt anyone." A blur of red and black knelt down in front of him. She reached out to gently hold each side of his face. "Hey, look at me. You're okay."
Chat Noir was still panting heavily. As he focused on her blue eyes, he said the only thing he could think of in that moment. "Y-You're not stuck."
"The healing spell fixed that. Along with everything else! Look, I'll show you."
Ladybug leapt to her feet, pulling him up with her. She took hold of his hand and led him down one of the narrow avenues next to the very palpable train. Chat Noir let her drag him along, shoes stumbling slightly on the uneven gravel.
She pointed at a window. "Look in there, Chat!"
Warily, he did. Inside the train, he saw several befuddled-looking passengers, asking each other questions as they tried to make sense of what had just happened to them. People who were entirely unhurt and alive.
One little girl with plaits saw him staring and waved cheerily. Chat Noir slowly waved back.
It was weird to see. He knew the people on the train were real, but it felt like he was experiencing an optical illusion. He'd watched them die. Despite what Ladybug had claimed to fix, the blood on his hands still didn't feel gone.
And it's not like she'd been able to fix his rapidly thudding heartbeat, the clamminess of his skin under his suit, or way his entire body still shook like a leaf.
She'd never be able to fix how badly he'd fucked up.
The sirens weren't so distant anymore. Several blue-flashing cars pulled up at the foot on the bridge, police officers climbing out to stare at the mysterious kids standing on the train tracks.
Ladybug leaned over the railing and anxiously glanced down at them. "Okay, looks like I'm gonna have to give an explanation. Do a big speech or something. Hoo boy..." She looked back at her partner, and her expression hardened. "But that can wait a second. You good to follow me, Chat?"
"I— um... yeah, sure," Chat Noir said, vocal chords straining after that stupid screaming show he'd put on.
In the opposite direction to all the commotion, Ladybug leapt off the bridge and abseiled down with her yo-yo. Chat Noir chased after her, grateful to get away from all the noise that was grating on his nerves.
He followed her through Paris, with a lot less urgency than before. This time, there was no monster to defeat, no city to save. It was just the two of them, traveling at their own pace. Right now, nobody else mattered.
Ladybug eventually landed on a stone gazebo wrapped in vines and covered in light spatters of moss. It was high up, hidden from any prying eyes. Chat Noir dropped down next to her. He took in the fantastic view of the city lit up below. Maybe under better circumstances, he would've appreciated it more.
"Is it alright if you wait here for a while?" Ladybug asked, wringing her hands. Her eyes flitted between him and the direction they'd come from.
Coherent thoughts weren't really happening right now, so he stared at her in sheer confusion as he tried to rationalize her logic.
"Just while I take care of everything, I mean!" she added quickly.
He continued to stare at her.
She's waiting for a response, you idiot. Say something. Anything!
"Okay."
Ladybug nodded. "I'll be right back. I promise." She cast her yo-yo out into the air and then swung away, leaving Chat Noir to occupy the gazebo alone.
As it turned out, silence was exactly what he needed to recollect his thoughts. Paris was never truly quiet. Alarms always wailed and engines always roared and birds always chirped. But up here in this desolate area, everything was jaded. Far away and easy to ignore.
Utterly exhausted, he slid down one of the pillars and slumped to the floor, letting his head fall back against the cold stone.
It made sense now, why Ladybug had left him behind. She'd witnessed him completely fall apart. She probably thought he was an embarrassment, a burden, even if she wouldn't say it to his face. Of course she didn't want him to help with damage control. What use would he be anyway?
None. He knew that now. He was no use to her at all.
゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜
Ladybug eventually returned, like she said she would. He didn't know how long she'd been gone; somewhere between two minutes and two hours. He hadn't really been counting.
"Okay!" Ladybug enthusiastically swung her legs one by one over the balcony and jumped onto the platform. "I've purified the butterfly, spoken to the person who was akumatized, and the police no longer think we're the bad guys—"
"I should've cataclysmed the string."
Her grin faltered. "Huh?"
"When you were stuck." Chat Noir was still sitting against the pillar, fiddling absentmindedly with his tail. "If I'd just cataclysmed the actual thing holding you down, then we could've easily jumped out the way of that train. Nobody would've been hurt."
"Chat..." Her eyes softened and she stepped toward him, hesitant to get too close. "This was your first time as a superhero. This was both of our first times. We weren't going to get everything right."
"You did. You were perfect."
She chuckled. "Are you kidding? I'm the one who smacked into all those bells. I'm the one who crashed through the church window. I'm the one who got stuck on those stupid train tracks."
He shook his head. "That's not the same—"
"Hey." She held her hand out for him to take. "Stop beating yourself up. You got something wrong this time, but you'll know better next time."
"Right..." Chat Noir allowed her to pull him to his feet. "Next time."
She brushed the dirt away from his shoulders and then sighed, hands sliding down to his upper arms. "I guess this is where we... split up? And when Hawk Moth creates a new akuma, we'll see each other again!"
"Yeah," he said, lying through his fucking teeth. "I'll see you again soon."
Ladybug looked at him with a warmth in her eyes he couldn't understand. Then she lunged forward and threw her arms around him, entrapping him in a tight hug. Chat Noir, completely caught off guard by the sudden affection, stood there with his arms limply by his sides. He remained stiff as a board for several seconds, enduring the way one of her pigtails was itching his nose.
Probably realizing she might've gone too far, Ladybug slowly began to extract her grip. Chat Noir's brain finally sorted itself out and he pulled her back into the embrace, reciprocating the hug just as tightly and burying his face in her hair.
"It was great to meet you, Ladybug." That part wasn't a lie.
He didn't want to be the first one to break the hug. The longer it went on, the more his racing heart softened back into a steady beat, and the more the tingling in his skin calmed down. He had no idea who Ladybug really was. And he probably never would. But it didn't matter. Being wrapped up in her arms consumed him with a sense of safety. And he didn't want the moment to end, knowing he would never get to be near her again.
Ladybug eventually pulled back, but only enough so she could look him in the eyes.
"You sure you're okay now?" she asked, searching for answers in the windows to his soul. Her genuineness and concern couldn't be an act, no matter how much he tried to convince himself they were.
"I'm fine," he said. Rip the band-aid off already. "But I should probably be heading home."
Ladybug winced. "It's really late, huh?"
"Yeah. My family might start to worry." Now that lie was almost laughable.
She nodded in understanding. "Take care, okay?"
"You too."
Chat Noir gently untangled himself from her arms and turned away, leaping over the ledge of the gazebo without a backwards glance.
He really did wish her the best.
゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜
Ladybug watched him pole-vault away into the night, his weird leather tail fluttering out behind him.
At long last, everything was peaceful. She'd fixed all the property damage. She'd saved lives. She'd defeated the akuma. The whole city was okay again. And that was partially thanks to her.
But she didn't think it was necessarily pride that lit up her heart so fervently. In fact, all those accomplishments paled in comparison to the true reason she was ecstatic right now.
It had been a rocky start. But in the short time she'd known him, Chat Noir had changed something within her.
Ladybug stepped up onto the balcony, something her newfound super-agility easily allowed her to do. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pull her face out of its ridiculously wide smile.
The wind whistled in the altitude, and she was struck by a distant childhood memory of something her mother would say whenever she caught her pulling a face: "The wind might change and you'll be stuck that way!"
But in this case? This case, Ladybug hoped she would be.
My Kitty
(My Lady - Ladybug edition)
"Sometimes I think how the world's always turning.
There's never any time to breathe.
There's something inside me that's constantly burning.
That something wants to be set free."
Ladybug, shrouded in the celestial glow of the full moon, took off into the heart of the city. She danced across lamp posts and aerial towers, barely feeling gravity as a factor. If magical akumas could abide outside the laws of physics, so could she.
"Then suddenly this boy comes into my life,
A shit-eating grin on his face.
He mocks me and stops me from doing my job,
Mannerisms are a disgrace.
But there's an unknown emotion within me.
I feel it when I see his eyes.
Doesn't he know that it left long ago?
I honestly thought it had died."
She bounded to the top of a tall turret, one hand holding onto the thin pole that protruded from its peak as she stared out at the view, pigtails rustling in the breeze.
"But life, it throws surprises, and thinly veiled guises.
The axis has turned upside down.
My insides turn to jelly, my heart is getting heavy.
I see a new light in this town.
It's a steep slope to have hope on this journey.
A good ending's not guaranteed.
I can't let the problems and what-ifs deter me.
It's always been you, my kitty.
Yeah!"
Ladybug raised her arm theatricality as her last word echoed across the metropolis she called home. Then she slid to the bottom of the turret and sighed contentedly, leaning backwards against the tiles. She was on top of the world right now.
And she was okay with everyone knowing it.
゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜
Chat Noir stumbled into his bedroom (still dimly lit up by the lamp he'd accidentally left on) through the window, before angrily slamming it shut behind himself. He didn't want to hear any more noise from this stupid city than he'd already been forced to.
He'd played along. He'd almost fallen for the act, almost accepted this madness as part of his life. But he was done now. It was time to go back to the way things should be.
"Stupid akuma," he grunted, tugging harshly on one of his cat-ears. But no matter how hard he tried to tear it off, the material wouldn't budge. "Stupid magic. Stupid kwami. Stupid umbrella—!"
"Adrien?" his father's voice called to him through the bedroom door, followed by a quick series of knocks. Chat Noir nearly jumped out of his skin. "Can I talk to you?"
"Uhh..." He glanced at the full-length mirror and cringed at the black cat suit that looked back at him. "Now might not be a very good time, Dad!"
"Why not?"
"Because!" Chat Noir squeezed his eyes shut, racing to come up with a good excuse on the fly, "I'm not wearing any—" Nope. "Maybe you should just respect my—" Nope. "I'm wrapping Christmas presents!"
Gabriel hesitated. "I-In September?"
"Yep! I decided to get on with it early this year. So unless you wanna spoil the surprise, don't come in!"
"Oh... Okay then. Goodnight, son."
Whether Gabriel slunk away after that was hard to tell. He had an eerie way of not making any footsteps. So just to be safe, Chat Noir stayed quiet, tensed for any sound that might come from the door. His heart sunk as he realized he'd just turned down the one chance to talk to his father. The last time Gabriel had knocked on his bedroom had been... well, he couldn't even remember.
"Alright, you weird little black monster," Chat Noir hissed, after deeming it safe enough. "Get out of me!"
Nothing happened. The suit was still very much stuck to his skin.
"Uh... get off me?" he tried. Still nothing. "Shit, okay, something about claws. Um... Claws reverse! Claws begone!" No magic transpired and Chat Noir's patience was starting to wear thin. "Abracadabra abracazam, get rid of these claws as fast as you can!"
Green light fizzled and sparked all the way from his head to toes. A quick glance down at himself confirmed that he was back in his regular shirt, jeans, and scuffed trainers. Plagg re-emerged into existence, hovering level with his face as he stared at the boy with those ominous feline eyes.
Adrien glared right back at him. "There's no way that worked."
"It didn't," Plagg said with a shrug. "I can detransform you whenever I want." He let out a snicker. "But the look on your face was worth it."
"Okay, well now that you're out of my clothes," Adrien pointed at the window, "You can get out of my room!"
Plagg didn't move an inch. Instead he stared at Adrien quizzically. "You do know how this works, right? For you to keep becoming Chat Noir, I kinda have to stay with you."
"That's the thing, I don't want to be Chat Noir!" He aggressively tugged the ring off his finger and threw it down on the desk with such force, it bounced off it with a clang.
Plagg dove after it and collected the ring in his tiny paws, before confronting Adrien again. "What?! Because of the train incident? Please. You did a lot better for your first time than most of my previous Black Cats."
Adrien furiously grit his teeth. "Why can't you take this seriously? I killed people!"
"And the fact that care so much just reinforces how perfect you are for the job—!"
"You don't get it!" Adrien slumped down on his desk chair and pushed his hand into his eyelids. He could feel a pounding headache creeping up on him. "How can I... How can I care about the whole city when I barely care about myself?"
No response came and the room dipped into silence. He listened to his computer's monitor buzz quietly next to him for a while.
Thinking the kwami might've actually left, Adrien peaked through his fingers to check. Through the low lighting, he caught sight of Plagg's silhouette floating towards the desk. The kwami carefully set his glowing ring down on the table.
Adrien pulled his head back up. "I don't want that."
"It's yours."
"Look! I need you to understand. I used to be..." Adrien stammered, wondering if opening up to a random magical creature he was trying to get rid of was a good idea. "I-I used to be really unhappy. And I still am, but... I'm finally getting out of that awful place. And it's taken me a really fucking long time, too. But I've started going to school again. Things are almost back to normal! Why do you have to ruin this for me?"
"Who says it's ruining anything?" Plagg tried to move closer, but Adrien swatted him away.
"This is my one chance!"
"So is this!"
"No!" He threw his hands up. "I just want to live a regular life. I don't need a secret superhero identity. The responsibilities I've already got are more than enough. I'm trying to make friends. I'm trying to fix things with my father. And there's this girl that I..." He hoped the room was gloomy enough to hide his rising blush. "That I want to get to know. I don't wanna have to lie to her about who I am!"
"But you said yes!" Plagg darted back around to look him in the eye after Adrien turned his head away. "Before the whole train thing scared you. You said yes. You were gonna be Chat Noir. Were these excuses not applicable back then or what?"
Adrien scowled. If this flying cretin was so desperate to get all up in his business, then maybe he'd let him. "Fine. You want to know the truth?"
Plagg waved a paw, gesturing for him to continue.
Adrien stood up and approached his bedside table. He picked up the picture frame that was nestled between his alarm clock and notepad, and stared down at it. Soft green eyes that looked exactly like his but held so much more joy looked back up at him.
He felt the weight of Plagg gently settling onto his shoulder, but he didn't have the energy to push him off. If he didn't know any better, he would say the cat-like kwami had started purring, sending small vibrations through his skin.
"This woman right here is... she was my mother," Adrien explained, thumbs gently stroking across the wooden frame. His eyes slowly started waterlogging no matter how much he tried to avoid blinking.
"And there was this book she used to read to me as a kid. I don't have it anymore, but... I think it was called 'Les Aventures de Chat Noir'. It basically followed the story of a cat-themed superhero who protected his village from evil. And well... I was reminded of it earlier tonight. I was reminded of her. I-I thought if I became a superhero like the guy in the book, it would be... I thought that's what she would've wanted."
"Maybe she would," Plagg said.
Adrien slammed his mother's picture back down on the table. "She wouldn't have wanted me to become a murderer!"
Plagg fled from his shoulder before Adrien could shove him away. "You didn't murder anyone. Ladybug fixed everything."
"So is that my whole schtick then?" Adrien was pacing now, the kwami flying along next to him. "I go around destroying everything I touch and Ladybug cleans up all my messes?"
"No. You're still just getting used to the reins. You'll have control of this power in no time."
"You're not listening! I don't want this power. I don't want to—!"
"Think about it for a second." Plagg was refusing to give up, much to Adrien's annoyance. "Do you really think it would be wise for the holder of the Black Cat miraculous to be someone who does want this power?"
Despite his attempt, Adrien simply didn't have the strength to stay angry. He sat down on the edge of his bed and rested his hands on his knees, eyes trained on the carpet below. "I guess not."
"Exactly." For once, Plagg didn't try to maneuver himself in front of his face. "The moment someone uses this power for evil is the moment they lose control of it entirely. That someone isn't you, kid."
Adrien chuckled weakly. "You've been doing this a long time, huh?"
"Longer than you can even imagine."
"Okay, well... Even if you have, that doesn't mean you've known me for a long time."
"But you—"
"I know!" Adrien squeezed his fists so tightly, his knuckles came close to bursting through his skin. "I'm 'worthy'. I have the right traits. Yada yada. I get it. But that's not the point. I-I know myself pretty well, and... When I was out there, on those train tracks, I was afraid."
"Well, of course you were—"
"No." It wasn't until he swiped his hand across his cheek that he realized they were slicked with tears. "No, I was afraid of myself. Of what I was capable of. I realized I was more of a monster than that gargoyle ever was. And it was fucking terrifying. I can't... I can't live like that, Plagg. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
He held his palms out and eyed them warily. They looked so normal. So harmless. Nothing like before. "If I do this... If I become Chat Noir, I... I'd always be so hyperaware of all this power I have at my fingertips, and how easy it would be to... to use it. And I know that eventually, I'm just gonna fucking snap and..."
The emotion welling up in his chest was quickly overflowing and by god, he really wished he'd gotten rid of Plagg already. Adrien buried his entire face in his hands, stifling tears and sobs alike.
"Please," he whimpered, voice muffled. "I don't want this. Just leave me alone."
"Adrien—"
"Leave me alone!"
The kwami said nothing after that. Or maybe he did, but Adrien had tuned out any external stimuli. All he could focus on were his hitching breaths and heaving sobs and the blurry purple worms that wriggled in front of his vision after he'd been pressing into his eyelids for too long.
Once the sobs were no longer strong enough to drag him under, he pulled his soaked hands away from his face and looked around his bedroom. Just to check he was finally free.
Nothing extraordinary jumped out at him. The faint glowing on the desk was absent. Which meant the ring was gone.
And so was Plagg.
゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜
Ladybug panted heavily after landing in her bedroom. Though she didn't think it was from overexertion. In fact, she'd never felt more alive; her veins buzzed and coiled with boundless energy. A grin was still splitting her face from ear to ear. But as brilliant as the night had been, it was nice to finally be back in the comfort and privacy of her own home.
It was certainly safe enough to consult with her kwami. "Tikki, spots off!"
Her normal clothes returned and Tikki manifested beside her in a buzz of pink, sparkling blue eyes lit up with awe. "You did it, Marinette!"
"Oh my god, that was amazing!" Marinette pumped the air with both fists. "Tikki, did you see me out there?"
"Well, technically—"
"I was souring and flying and spinning." She began pacing, arms waving about frantically. "I was incredible. I was unstoppable! And I... I saved the city! I was so convinced I was gonna let everyone down, but I didn't!"
"Marinette—"
"And that gargoyle? Good grief. I thought I was gonna die a thousand different times. Is it gonna be like that every time I battle an akuma? Or maybe near-death experiences are just something you get used to. This is so exciting and nerve wracking and—!"
"Marinette, breathe!"
"What are you talking about?" Marinette panted, stumbling slightly as a spell of dizziness threw her a curveball. "I am breathing! I just can't believe I wielded the freaking awesome power of creation!"
"These are classic signs of PTFAFS. Sit down, okay?"
Marinette did, more so out of necessity than obedience; Tikki's image kept blurring in and out of sight in front of her. She pushed a hand against her chest as hyperventilation rapidly took over.
"Just breathe with me," the kwami instructed, now that the girl was safely sat on the chaise. "In..." Marinette mimicked her dramatic inhale. "And out..." She exhaled in a similar fashion.
"PT... PTFA what-now?" Marinette asked, after oxygen was more accessible and her vision was clear.
"Post-Traumatic First-Akuma-Fight Shock! A very normal reaction for first-time superheroes." The kwami sat herself down on her holder's leg, watching her intently. "Are you okay, Marinette?"
"I… I am now," Marinette assured her, raising a finger to gently tickle the kwami on the side of her tiny face. "I still don't really understand what you are. But you're so sweet. Thanks for everything, Tikki."
"You're welcome! But it was you who saved the city. Not me."
"Well, me and Chat Noir did that." Marinette sighed dreamily, eyes glued to the window. She couldn't wait to get back out there. "He was wonderful, wasn't he? I wouldn't have been able to do all that without him."
"Yes, that's why there's two of you—"
"So brave and determined." She let herself fall backwards and hit the padded chaise with a bounce, arms eagle-spread. "But also funny and supportive and kind. I don't know, Tikki. I feel like I really hit the jackpot with him. Most co-workers probably suck."
She saw the red kwami float over to sit on the pillow beside her head. "Well yes, it's very imperative that the Ladybug and Black Cat holders get along and work well together."
"I think it might be more than that." She stared up at her ceiling. A few faded yellow star-shapes were still stuck up there from her youth. "You've been doing this a while, Tikki. Tell me, does this normally happen?"
"Ladybugs and Black Cats falling in love? Occasionally, yes."
Marinette laughed, strained and high-pitched. "Okay, okay, back up. I'm not saying I'm in love with him. I've just met the guy. But that being said..." She threw her kwami a beaming smile, "Maybe you can help things work out between us!"
Tikki sighed. "Marinette, I might be an expert on many things. But love is not one of them. Kwamis don't really do that."
"Oh..." Her excitement dissipated and she turned back to the ceiling. "I see."
"But don't give up hope! Just follow your heart and I'm sure you'll eventually succeed."
Marinette glumly blew a piece of hair out of her face. "That's cute and all... but I was genuinely just looking for advice on how to not be an awkward idiot around him. There's no way he's gonna find that endearing."
"You don't know that," Tikki said, gently patting her holder's cheek. "Just give things time to grow."
"Yeah..." Marinette blinked drowsily, tiredness slowly consuming her as the entire day's hectic events finally caught up with her. The yellow stars began to fade under the shadow of her heavy eyelids. "Maybe you're right."
゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜
Adrien's eyes shot open the second his alarm clock started blaring aggressively, telling him it was time to get up because, oh yeah that's right, he had school.
He shut his alarm up with a flip of a switch and then groaned, squinting against the rays of sunlight streaming in through the curtains.
This had seemed like a good idea yesterday. But now that it was first thing in the morning and his brain was heavy with fog, he couldn't help but wonder if his education was really worth it.
He'd gotten a decent amount of sleep though. That was pretty rare. But the dream his subconscious had concocted for him was absolutely crazy. It had been so vivid too. Adrien could distinctly remember how it felt to run across rooftops and ride the backs of gargoyles. He could still remember the way that Ladybug girl had looked at him and how good it felt to be part of a team.
He made a mental note to add it to his dream journal. This was certainly one worth remembering.
His phone dinged, in a jingle that meant some big news had happened in the world.
Great. Which celebrity had a baby this time?
Bleary-eyed, Adrien reached for his phone and stared at the notification.
Breaking news! Two unknown kids in masked costumes triumph against a dangerous stone monster! Does Paris have itself some new heroes? Click for more!
"Fuck."