This was just a fun little fic that I came up with as a speed write to try to battle with some writers block on my current WIP - Best of Intentions.
I may add more to it, not sure just yet. This takes place in the same universe/timeline as Best of Intentions - about 6 months prior to my FMC intro to the story.
Hope you enjoy this little scribble.
Arachnid Deathicus
It was a rare thing to see a Dwarf of the male variety scared, Dis would know.
She was surrounded by them on a daily basis. Strong willed, stubborn, and fearless are the words she would use to describe her brother and her sons. She would think no different of the 10 other dwarfs that made up the rest of the famous company that reclaimed Erebor, either. Fearless, thick headed, loyal souls the whole lot of them.
Restoring Erebor was a monumental job. Not just from a structural standpoint but from a cleanliness one as well. Dragons were not particularly good house keepers, and the amount of dust and critters that had made their home in the abandoned halls and rooms of the mountain city was astonishing.
In comparison, critters and dust bunnies should be an easy feat, or at least that's what Dis had thought. It was shortly after her arrival from the Blue Mountains that she came to witness this well-hidden terror that each and every member of the company kept well hidden.
It was mid-day. The lunch rush was done, and everyone was heading back to their assigned tasks. She was walking along with halls, approaching the kitchens when she hear a cry of sheer terror accompanied by the cacophony of pots and pans bouncing off the walls and floors. Dis gathered her skirts and ran quickly to the kitchen, ready to come to the aid of whoever needed it.
As soon as she ran through the door, she stopped in her tracks, stunned by what she saw. Bomber was up on the counter, tediously balanced while welding a saucepan above his head, a crazed look gleaming in his eyes as he zoned in on some unknown target.
"Bombur!? What in Mahal's name is going on?" Dis exclaimed.
The rotund dwarf jumped in surprise, eyes wide as his face turned a bright crimson red, almost a complete match to his fiery hair and beard. "Nothing your majesty! Absolutely nothing is amiss." He chuckled nervously, lowering the sauce pan to act like he was wielding it like a sword. "Just making sure my sword arm is still in good form is all."
Dis's eyebrows were clear up in her hairline. "On the counter, my dear Bombur?"
"One must stay fit after all." He huffed. "We can't be caught unawares. Who knows when an enemy can sneak up on us from the shadows."
"Uh huh." The princess pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at the well-fed dwarf. "Ok, well just making sure all is well. I'll leave you to your … endeavors."
Bombur bobbed his head up and down with dizzying speed. "Of course, your majesty."
Dis hesitated, her eyes shifting between the discarded pots and pans laying hap-hazardously all over the kitchen, but decided it was probably for the best she leave the dwarf alone to finish whatever it was he was up too. As she turned and walked out the double doors, she heard Bombur cursing in Khuzdul under his breath, wondering how in the world he was going to get down from his perch on the counter.
The next instance came a few days later as she was heading back to her private chambers. As she was about to pass her son Fili's rooms, she heard a high-pitched shriek accompanied by the sounds of crashing and terrified yelps of "Kill it! Kill it! Squash it!"
"May the Valar have mercy on your soul! You call yourself an archer?! Your aim is horrid!"
"I'd like to see you throw a boot with precise aim troll brain!"
"Crap! Where did that spawn of Mordor go?"
Silence. One could have heard a pin drop with how quiet it got in the halls as Dis stared at her son's doors incredulously. Before she could even consider taking one step towards the door, another shriek pierced the silence, and the doors flew open with a resounding 'BANG!' as Fili jumped out flailing his arms while jumping up and down. "It's in my hair! Kili! Get it out! Get it out!"
Kili stumbled out, laughing hysterically as he watched his older brother flail about. His mirth didn't last long however, as a black speck about the size of a small coin went flying out of Fili's hair and landed square on Kili's nose. His eyes crossed momentarily stunned at his sudden bad luck before he let out an unbecoming shout of dismay as he began smacking his face "AAAGGGGHHHHH Get it off! Get it off!"
"BOYS!" Dis shrieked. "What in the name of Mahal is going on!?"
Fili looked up at his mom, his body still squirming and twitching as if trying to fight off some invisible force torturing him. "Amad! Hey! How was tea?" He grinned painfully,
Kili, not caring that his mom was watching, was bent over and vigorously shaking his head while scratching his hands through his hair. The black object fell from his hair onto the floor before him and he stomped on it, a gross crunch barely audible coming from under his boot. The younger dark-haired prince then looked up at this mother with a prize-winning grin. "Amad! We were just about to come check in on you."
Dis narrowed her eyes, her hands firmly placed on her hips. "The whole mountain just heard that horrendous shrieking. What is wrong with the both of you?"
"Rats Amad." Fili replied, dead serious.
"Disgusting creatures, hiding in all the nooks and crannies."
"Falling from the ceilings."
"Lying in wait for the opportune moment to strike."
"Dreadful business Amad, truly you should go back to your chambers where you are safe.'
The two brothers played off each other flawlessly, not missing a beat as they both looked at her with a schooled innocence, she learned a long time ago to not trust. "You are the crowned princes of Erebor!" She hissed, as she shook a stern finger in their direction. "I expect you to act like it!"
"Of course, Amad." Fili nodded towards his mom stoically, his hands grasped firmly behind his back not even caring that his blonde, braided hair was an absolute wreck.
"Forgive us Amad." Kili added graciously, his hair sticking up at all ends as well.
DIs rolled her eyes. "Good grief my sons, fix your hair!"
They scrambled to abide her command before nodding their respect to their mother stating that they had to meet their Uncle for some tasks he had for them in the furnace rooms. She couldnt help but stare after them as they quickly clambered off, eager to get away from her disbelieving gaze.
Little did she know, these were just the beginning of the most random and mindboggling tomfooleries she was soon to witness as Erebor was slowly restored to its former glory.