"Hold the elevator, please!" Quinn McLaren sticks out an arm, and Holley quickly runs -yes, in heels- inside. "Thanks."
"Anytime." The doors shut. It's quiet for a few moments, and then Quinn speaks.
"So. Agent Turbo."
"Yeah?"
"Finn's in there with him, and he says he still has no idea what's going on. Finn keeps having to remind him of where he is, they're trying to watch Spooks and he can barely follow the programme, he can't remember a single mission he's been on, they're just having the same conversations over and over. He's not all pissed off like last night, that's the one improvement." Quinn lets out a sigh. "Poor Leland." Holley looks down at her shoes.
"Think I'll get hurt in the field like that?"
"You could, I'm not going to lie to you. Why do you think I'm always in the rear with the gear? But you know what the truth is? Don't do any heroics and you might be fine. That was ALWAYS what Leland's mistake was. I don't know what happened on that oil platform, but I know him. You don't strike me as that sort. And McMissile's a good partner to have. He's been in this field a long time, and he's kept Turbo alive all those years." A small laugh from Quinn. "Honestly, I'd be more worried about McMissile putting himself on the line to stop you from getting hurt after this."
"Hey, Holley, do you think it's true about him and Leland?" She knows it's true.
"I'm not really one for speculation, Quinn." She'll keep her word to Finn, that this wouldn't get out. It's the least she could do.
"Whole agency's talking about it. Finn never takes off work. I've never known him to take off work. Roland told me the last time Finn went on leave was 1999."
"Roland?"
"He was the quartermaster before me. Retired a few years back. Anyways, any time Finn has gone on vacation, it's always magically at the same time Leland does. I think they've been on to them for years. They just never said anything about it."
"I don't know Finn well enough to say something either way." Her tone doesn't betray even the slightest hint that this is not the truth. She's good.
"Well, if it is true, it must be terrible to be Finn right now. Imagine your boyfriend having a five second memory." It's Holley's turn to laugh.
"You say that like that's not how my relationship is, too."
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If Sidd was here, he'd probably be doing a tally of all the questions Finn keeps getting asked over and over again. Right in front of Leland. And then get asked what he's doing, and start a tally of that too. Where are we, what happened, various things that haven't been relevant in years.
You know, Jetta's getting married soon. I hope I get better in time for the wedding. Hate to miss it. It's a destination wedding, Honolulu, Hawaii. 1992. Him and Finn went to it together. As a couple. Finn's phone goes off.
Oh, your pager! He takes out his phone. Siddeley.
"Hey, what's going on?"
"He's confused."
"A little more detail would be nice, Finn. Humour me."
"He's talking about Jetta's wedding right now. In future tense. How's Percival?"
"Still a fucking wanker."
"Does he ever stop being one?"
"I hope Leland's treating you better than Percy's been treating me."
"He's fine. He remembers me, knows we're friends." They're more than that. At least they were.
"Hey, I have some free time right now. Can I talk to him over the phone? Be nice to hear his voice again after all this shite."
"Sidd, he's intubated. He can't talk."
"Ohh right yeah sorry." Sidd… lacks common sense sometimes, to put it one way. "Tell him I said hi."
"Leland, Siddeley says hi."
Who?
"Our pilot? Siddeley Hawker?"
We have a pilot now? The academy is giving us pilots? We're still in training!
"Leland says hi."
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After a little while, with the two still trying to watch Spooks -Finn also gave up on trying to follow the episodes because he has to actually look Leland right in the face to pick up on what he's saying, Ray Camber -the medical officer, nice bloke- walks in, and the two look up at him.
"So, you know we don't do everything here. We kind of just focus on stabilizing, not the long term." Camber was an A&E doctor before coming to CHROME. "We got you a bed at St. George's. I've arranged everything, and an ambulance should be here in a couple hours for the transport. Oh, and as a plus, this way your sister can visit you in hospital!" Jetta doesn't have the security clearance to just walk into the CHROME infirmary. She has no security clearance at all. She thinks her brother works in IT.
Finn clears his throat. "Can… Can I be the one to speak to his sister? I think she should hear this from me." He should have told Jetta something, anything. But that would have raised even more questions, how did it happen, where is he, and he wouldn't have been able to answer.
He thinks back to the look on Hagen's face. Is it a security risk just letting Jetta see him? He might tell her everything. At least, everything he remembers. Would he understand that it's classified? How would they explain that one away if he doesn't? Does it matter if he can be dismissed as an unreliable narrator? What if she starts asking Finn about it? What will he say?
Camber hesitates for a second here before answering. "I mean… If you think that's best, sure." He's a bit of a pushover. Good bedside manner, though, and he cares -it's probably tearing him up inside to have to have ordered Leland to be restrained.
"Thank you, Ray." He's on a first name basis with Camber after all these decades of being in action and being patched up by Ray afterwards. Finn steps out into the hallway, dialing her number. The phone rings a couple times before someone picks up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jetta, it's me."
"Finn? Finn, what's going on? I've been trying to reach Leland for weeks on end now! He's not picking up the phone, he's not answering his emails, he doesn't even send me a text saying where he is… where the hell is he? Is he alright?"
"Jetta, he's in hospital."
"What?"
Lying is a part of the job, he tries to remind himself. But he can't. He can't do it. He's not in the right frame of mind to come up with something, he doesn't even want to lie to Jetta, and he doesn't know what will happen when she shows up to the hospital and actually sees her brother, how they'll explain all his injuries, what he'll say…
"Finn? Finn, are you there?" He must have gone quiet for a minute.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Finn, what happened? Why is he in hospital? Is he going to be okay?"
"I… I can't tell you how it happened."
"Why not?" Think of something, Finn. Think of something.
"I… I can't. I'm not allowed to."
"Not allowed? Not allowed by who?"
"I'm not allowed to say."
"This isn't funny, Finn! You're talking about me little brother, and you're telling me you're not even allowed to tell me what the fuck is going on! After I've been trying to get a hold of him for weeks! I've been going mental! No one thought to call me earlier?"
"I… I was out of the country on work."
"So what, you weren't allowed to know either? I find that hard to believe, considering you're his boyfriend! And his emergency contact! I know you, Finn! You would have dropped everything and come right back to London!"
"He… He was listed as a John Doe."
"So you didn't bother to tell me he was missing? No one thought to tell me that? And by the way, Finn, I've been trying to contact you for weeks, too! I've been calling your home phone trying to get an answer as to where the hell Leland is, and you didn't answer a single bloody voicemail!" He's been so overwhelmed that the emails and voicemails have been piling up, admittedly. And his flat's a mess. He's a mess. And he understands that Jetta has probably been a mess, too. Which is making this very excruciating.
"I didn't know he was missing, Jetta."
"Him falling off the bloody face of the earth didn't tip you off?"
"I…"
"What, Finn, what? Let me guess, you're not allowed to tell me anything, huh? Finn, none of this is making sense."
"I know. But I can't tell you more. I want to, I want to so badly, but I can't, and I can't tell you why I can't." An exasperated sigh from Jetta over the phone.
"Where is he right now?"
"I can't-"
"Oh for fuck's sake."
"He's being transferred to St. George's today."
"Can you at least tell me what condition he's in? You could do me that favor, at least. Or is that a secret too?"
"He was unconscious for a week and a half. He just woke up last night. He's…"
"He's what, Finn?"
"He's still intubated."
"He's WHAT!?"
"He's been in the ICU. On a ventilator."
"Is he not telling you anything or something?"
"He's confused, Jetta. No one knows what's going on."
"You know, there's been a lot of things about you two that haven't made sense over the years. The fact you two don't even share a flat after two decades together, the fact sometimes I can't reach either one of you for weeks on end because of 'work' -I don't know why I'm surprised this time, I shouldn't be- what is going on?"
"Jetta, I can't tell you! I really can't!"
"Fine. Be like that. I'll see you two at St. George's. Since I'm apparently going to have to come down to London to get any answers."
"Jetta, please don't be mad-" She hangs up on him. Yep, she's mad. He walks back into the room.
"Well, your sister is not happy with me."
Why not? Why is he trying to tell Leland this when he's in this condition?
"It's a long story."
I'm sure she'll be sound once I explain everything to her. Right. Leland is going to explain everything to her. That will definitely make it better.
"You know we're not allowed to tell civilians about our line of work, Leland."
Aw, I know Jetta wouldn't talk about it to everyone! It'll be fine, Finn, honestly. You worry too much. So his judgment isn't entirely online, either. He should have waited until he's a little more with it to tell Jetta. But how mad would she have been, then? And when would that be? Weeks? Months?
He really hopes the answer isn't never.
No, he shouldn't think like that. Don't think like that. Don't even entertain the thought.
It occurs to him that someone higher up at CHROME probably would have wanted to be the first to contact Jetta. They could have come up with a cover story, something that would have made sense, something that wouldn't lead to as much prying. They could have explained it all away. They have people who do that professionally. Like the efforts they made to once again "unperson" Finn and Holley after the World Grand Prix -no footage of them was shown on television, witnesses bribed or otherwise silenced.
He's made a mistake, he realizes. A big one. He really isn't thinking straight, is he? Maybe he should go back to work. Maybe that would get his head on straight. Distract himself with it, like on the mission.
Or maybe his work performance would be abysmal. It's a double edged sword. But it isn't that bad so far… well, except for the whole Mater situation. Stupid, stupid.
He's going to have to go back to work eventually.
Unless, you know, they suspend him under suspicion of fraternization. And he's just been digging himself further into that hole, spending all his time here, telling Holley. And now he's dug himself into another hole with Jetta. Idiot. Why did he ever think he could mix personal and professional together like this? Maybe he's not even cut out to have a personal life. Seems to be all crashing down on him right now.
He shouldn't have kissed back in Hong Kong. Maybe that was his first mistake. Maybe that was the mistake that led up to all these other ones.
You shouldn't say that. What's between him and Leland is real. Even if right now, only one of them remembers it.
In addition to Hagen, there's Smith, the director of the CHROME program. nicest person. Hasn't even bothered to come down here and check on poor Leland. At the very least, he'll have Finn's arse over contacting Jetta like that.
He wishes he had someone to vent to, but the person he always used to vent to is…
Finn.
"Yes?"
I'm thirsty. The nurse did bring a cup of seltzer with a bendy straw earlier, but he's still restrained, so Finn's been having to help him with that. Finn holds it up so that the straw meets his lips. Thanks.
So, when is me mum coming to pick me up? Not this again.
"Where do you think you are right now?"
The nurse's office.
"No, you're in hospital."
Really?
"Yes. Really." The tiredness is hitting Finn hard. Really hard.
What happened?
"You got injured on a mission." Finn hopes they have better chairs at St. George's, because this one is terrible.
What kind of mission?
"An undercover mission."
Like a spy?
"You are a spy." He's so done. He might go sleep in his car in the parking lot at this point, honestly.
Wow! Really? Are you a spy too?
"Yes."
That's mad! How come I don't remember any of this?
"Because you don't remember anything right now."
That is mental. That is mad. I hope it comes back to me.
"I do too, Leland. I do too." That and more.
Does Jetta know?
"No, and you can't tell her. It's top secret."
Aw, that's too bad. It's fifty-fifty on what's going to happen at St. George's when she shows up -well, apart from the fact she's definitely going to yell at Finn over all this.
Nuvigil. Leland is on Nuvigil. That's why even with whatever they're giving him, he's not falling asleep. They're still giving him the fucking Nuvigil. Great. Why would they do that? God damn it, Ray. You're being too obliging.
Finn gets up, leaves without saying anything. He passes Ray on his way out.
"Finn! I thought you'd want to ride with?"
"I have to attend to something."
He makes his way to the parking garage, goes to his car. He pops open the glovebox. One bottle of prescribed amphetamine, used on missions. Usually he doesn't need it, honestly. He gets by on sheer adrenaline. But today…
There's also a bottle of Fiji Water that's been there since who knows when in there, too, and he grabs that as well. He takes a pill, washes it down with the water -which tastes stale and is probably just tap water he refilled the bottle with- then leans the seat back. He'll give it thirty minutes to kick in. Finally, he lets himself close his eyes as he waits for that to happen.
Finally managed to get this chapter done woo
Yes, the quartermasters' names are supposed to rhyme with Finn and Leland's because I couldn't come up with a name other than "Quinn" off the top of my head and then I was just like "eff it have it be on purpose".
Ray Camber's last name is taken from the term camber which means the angle of a vehicle's wheels (think like drift cars) because I'm trying to lean more into the car names for characters in this fic -Quinn's surname is obviously from McLaren, and Jetta's entire name is a pun on the VW Jetta TDI.
I used to take Vyvanse/Elvanse for ADHD but I also used it to pull really weird hours at work (overnights, shifts starting at 4 AM) so that's kind of where the amphetamine thing comes from.
I don't dislike Mater as much as I used to so Holley's comment is meant to be affectionate if anything lol