Deadpool was sitting outside a local Mexican restaurant. He had a large tray of tacos, burritos, and cherrychangas in front of him. He was in heaven devouring them all.
(You know, with all the Mexican food we eat, I'm glad we have our healing factor. Otherwise, we would be very overweight.)
(I love that we are able to eat junk food guilt free!)
Suddenly, the ground began to tremor, and Deadpool heard Rainbow Dash yell…
"Stampede!"
Everyone in the area ran away, screaming "stampede" for all to hear. Deadpool was still sitting in his seat, however.
(Shouldn't we leave?)
"Nah, it's most likely an overreaction to a group of bunnies," Said Deadpool dismissively.
Just as he said that, Deadpool saw a cloud of dust on the outskirts of Ponyville. Using a teleporter to get a closer look, he saw a stampeding herd of cows coming his way. Only able to make a face that read "I'm screwed", he got trampled by the herd. When the dust settled, he was flattened cartoon style.
(While I would love to lay here in agony as much as the next guy, shouldn't we stop that cow herd? I mean, we are heroes.)
"You're right, we are heroes, and I have a plan!" Said Deadpool.
As the cows continued to stampede towards Ponyville, he set up traffic cones across the road. He stood in front of the cones, facing the cows in a traffic cop outfit while wearing his mask. He put up his left foreleg to signal stop, and blew a whistle. This didn't faze the cows at all, and, once again, Deadpool got flattened by the stampede.
"Well, that went well. Time for plan B," Said Deadpool.
(I swear to Celestia, if plan B is "dancing" traffic cop, I'm going to squeeze your brain till it explodes!)
"YEEHAW!"
"What the hell?!"
Deadpool looked towards where the voice came from, and saw Applejack and her dog Winona herding the cows away from Ponyville. Using her lasso on the leading cow, she led the herd to a field where they stopped.
"Whoaaa! Hooie! Now what was that all about?" Asked Applejack.
"Moo." A cow named DaisyJo cleared her throat before she spoke. "Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but, Moo-riela here I saw one of those nasty snakes." Hearing the word "snake" startled the rest of the cows."And it just gave us all the willes, don'tcha know."
"I completely understand. Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville."
"We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!"
After saying her goodbyes, DaisyJo and the rest of her herd trekked their way back home. Applejack ran past a crowd of ponies, who were cheering and chanting her name for saving the town, before heading back to Sweet Apple Acres. Meanwhile, Deadpool joined up with the rest of his friends, along with the mayor of Ponyville, Mayor Mare.
"Applejack was just… just…."
"Appletastic!" Said Pinkie Pie.
She was hanging upside down from nothing before falling back to the earth.
"Exactly. We must do something to thank Applejack for single-hoofedly saving the town," Said Mayor Mare.
While everyone was speaking amongst each other, Deadpool was sitting on his haunches with his forelegs crossed. He had an annoyed look on his face.
"I can't believe everypony is cheering for Applejack only. We saved the town too!" Said Deadpool angrily.
(Well, we did get trampled on more than helped.)
(We should take this traffic cop outfit off before we get arrested for impersonating an officer… again.)
"Excuse me sir."
Deadpool looked over to his right and saw Mayor Mare.
"Yes, Mayor?" Questioned Deadpool.
"Why are you wearing that police uniform?" Asked Mayor Mare.
"Shit!" Said Deadpool and his voices fearfully.
A few hours after the cow stampede, Applejack was working in the apple orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. She was busy bucking apples for applebuck season. As she bucked a tree, the Merc with a Mouth showed up.
"Hey," Greeted Deadpool.
"Deadpool, what are ya doing here?" Asked Applejack.
"I came to say thanks for helping me save the town."
"Well, ya welcome. But if I heard Rarity correctly, ya were flattened into a pancake. Not really saving the town."
"Jeez, nopony will let that go will they? Anyway, you're going to the ceremony thing for you later this week, right?"
"Yeah, I am. I don't mean to sound rude, Deadpool, but can we talk later? I'm kinda busy right now."
"What are you doing anyway?"
"I have to buck all of these apple trees for applebuck season."
Deadpool snorted in amusement before out right laughing.
"What?" Questioned Applejack.
"You have to 'buck' all of these apples. That's quite the task, Applejack!" Said Deadpool.
"Get yer mind out of the gutter, Deadpool," Said Applejack annoyedly.
"Okay, I'll stop. For now anyway. I don't need to be a genius to know Sweet Apple Acres has a lot of apple trees."
(You're right, you are not a genius, or smart while we're at it.)
"Hey! Anyway, would you like some help?"
Hearing his offer to help, Applejack tensed up.
"No thanks. I don't need any help," Said Applejack.
"Fine, but let me give you some advice: instead of kicking all these trees to get the apples, use these..."
Deadpool threw some shurikens he kept on his person, and successfully cut the stems of all the apples on a tree, causing them to fall into buckets. He stood under the tree, and put his left fore hoof up, catching an apple.
"See? It's efficient, good practice, and it's fun," Said Deadpool.
With a satisfied grin, he took a bite of the apple.
"That's not how we do things around these here parts," Said Applejack.
"Suit yourself. Mind if I try bucking a tree?" Asked Deadpool.
"Sure, just don't buck that big tree over there."
Applejack pointed at a big apple tree to the right of them. It was too late, though, Deadpool walked over to the big tree, turned around, and bucked the tree.
CRACK!
"Owwwwwwwww!"
Deadpool's back legs broke upon impact with the tree. Bone stuck out of the back of his legs. Not a single apple fell, making the buck in vain. Deadpool couldn't stop screaming in pain. Applejack walked up to where Deadpool was lying on the ground. Seeing his predicament left her with an exasperated look.
"I told ya not to buck that tree," Said Applejack.
"Just put me out of my misery," Said Deadpool while shedding a tear.
One week later...
The day of Applejack's ceremony had finally arrived. The girls, minus Applejack, were just about done setting up.
"We all ready?" Asked Twilight.
"Just one last thing." Rarity cast some magic from her horn, and hung a large banner in front of the town hall. "Now we're ready."
"Is Applejack all set?"
"Actually, I haven't seen her all week," Said Rainbow Dash.
"Not since the stampede," Added Pinkie.
"Where could she be?" Wondered Twilight.
Suddenly, the girls heard someone chuckle. It came from Deadpool, who was leaning against town hall with his forelegs behind his head.
"Have you checked Sweet Apple Acres? Asked Deadpool.
"What?" Asked Pinkie in reply.
"Sweet Apple Acres, the place she works and lives at."
The girls facepalmed when they realized how obvious Applejack's location was.
"I saw her after the stampede and offered to help her collect apples with my ninja skills, but she declined. She's probably still working on collecting apples for applebuck season as we speak," Said Deadpool.
"But she'll be here for sure. Applejack is never late," Assured Rainbow.
Not long after, a crowd gathered in front of town hall. Twilight stood behind a podium, carrying flashcards with her.
"Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor a pony who we can always count on to help in matters great and small. A pony whose contributions to-"
Twilight was rudely shoved from the podium by Rainbow Dash.
"Did you see Applejack's slick moves out there? What an athlete! This week she's going to help me with my new flying trick, and I know it's gonna be so awesome." Said Rainbow excitedly.
She was shoved away from the podium by Twilight.
"Exactly and…"
Twilight was interrupted again, but by Pinkie Pie.
"This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time," Said Pinkie.
"What does that have to do with Applejack?" Asked Twilight.
"Oh. Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!"
The crowd cheered for free samples. Twilight Sparkle was not all that amused, so she shoved Pinkie Pie away like she did with Rainbow Dash.
"Oh-kay, that's great. Now if I can just make a point without being inter-"
"Twilight?" Said Fluttershy softly.
"-rupted."
In the crowd, Deadpool was trying to hold in his laughter because he would probably get murdered by Twilight if he did laugh. But it's not easy, the whole scenario was just too funny to him.
"Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the baby bunnies that were born this season. She's going to help gather them using her wonderful herding skills," Said Fluttershy.
Noticing Twilight glaring at her, Fluttershy walked away from the podium.
"Anyone else? Anyone? No? Well then, as I was trying to say-"
Deadpool then appeared in front of Twilight, facing the crowd.
"What's happening, Ponyville?! As you all may know, Disney bought the rights to FOX, so that means yours truly, is gonna be a part of the MCU! Isn't that exciting?!"
Deadpool only just now noticed Twilight's eyes flash red, and her horn lit up. Before he could react, Deadpool was struck by a magic bolt and launched into the air.
"Ahhh!"
With a scream, he landed into the crowd. Luckily, he didn't land on anyone. Deadpool laid in the spot he landed on.
"Worth it," Said Deadpool.
Looking to her left, Twilight Sparkle noticed Mayor Mare standing next to her with a grin.
"Urgh! Never mind," Said Twilight in defeat.
She threw her flashcards in the air out of frustration, and stormed off.
"Ah-Ahem, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prized Pony of Ponyville award to our beloved guest of honor. A pony of utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Ponyville's most capable and dependable friend: Applejack."
As Mayor Mare finished her speech, the curtains behind her pulled back. Applejack wasn't there, causing confusion in the crowd.
"Cool! Way to go Applejack, that was awesome! I mean- Heh."
Spike stopped himself when he realized Applejack wasn't here.
"Ah-Ahem."
Mayor Mare tried to call for Applejack, but she still didn't appear.
"Awkward," Said Spike.
"I'm here. I'm here." Appleack was behind the crowd. She seemed exhausted, pausing to let out a yawn. "Sorry I'm late whoa! I was just… whoa."
As Applejack was making her way through the crowd of ponies, walking clumsily, she stepped on the back of a certain hero who was still on the ground.
CRACK!
"Oww! Why can't I get a single break this week! Why does every goddamn bone in my fuckin body have to break?!"
As Deadpool got up in pain, he noticed Applejack acting funny.
(Poor coordination, drowsiness… You know what this means, right?)
"Yeah, she drank a lot of Angry Orchard cider and didn't invite me," Said Deadpool while glaring at his friend.
(I don't think that's where he was go-)
"I know that's what's going on. Luckily for me, I have a video camera to record this, so I can show her how ridiculous she was when she has a hangover."
(We're really going outside the available technology of this universe's time.)
Deadpool pulled out a Panasonic video camera from who knows where, and started recording.
"Thank you kindly for this here… award thingy. (Yawn) It's so bright and shiny and heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny heh. Ooo-ooo."
Applejack was playing with her reflection in the trophy. Deadpool was laughing the entire time, loving every second of it.
"This is sooo going to be uploaded to YouTube," Said Deadpool.
Twilight decided to intervene once Pinkie Pie joined in with Applejack.
"Okay. Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony," Said Twilight.
"(Yawn) Yeah. I like helping the ponyfolks and (Yawn) and stuff." Applejack suddenly fell asleep where she stood. It didn't last for long, though, she immediately woke up. "Oh, uh, yeah. Uh, thanks."
Applejack grabbed the trophy with her teeth, and was dragging it back home. Seeing her dragging it away left an awkward silence in the crowd, except for Deadpool. He was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes. Twilight was the first to say something.
"Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little-"
"Tired?" Guessed Rainbow.
"Dizzy?" Guessed Fluttershy.
"Messy?" The girls looked at Rarity in surprise. "What, did you see her mane?"
"I think she's drunk," Said Deadpool.
"Deadpool!" Shouted the girls in unison.
"Oh come on, wasn't it obvious? The stumbling walk, drowsiness, and goofy behavior. It shows she had too many bottles of Angry Orchard. I mean, the gal has apples on her flank."
( I can totally think of a dirty joke involving that.)
"Anyway, I have something to remember this day for a long time," Said Deadpool as he was patting the video camera.
Not long after the… interesting ceremony, Applejack got back to work bucking the apple trees. At first she was making progress, but then she started to fall asleep, so she was kicking the air. Deadpool and Twilight Sparkle were watching from a distance, and had confused looks on their faces.
"What on Earth is that pony doing?" Wondered Twilight.
"I don't know, but whatever it is it's funny," Said Deadpool.
This comment earned him a punch to the foreleg by Twilight.
"Let's talk to her," Said Twilight.
"I don't know, she might forget the conversation because of the buzz," Remarked Deadpool.
"You're not being helpful, Deadpool."
"I'm not supposed to be."
"Hey Applejack!" Said Twilight to get her attention.
Right there on the spot, Applejack fell asleep while standing up.
"Applejack," Said Deadpool.
Applejack continued to sleep.
"Applejack," Said Twilight.
"Don't worry, I know how to wake her up."
Deadpool pulled out a megaphone out of nowhere, and yelled into it.
"APPLEJACK!"
This was enough to wake Applejack, but also caused Twilight's ears to ring.
"Oh, howdy Twilight and Deadpool," Greeted Applejack.
"Why are you applebucking all by yourself?" Asked Twilight.
"'cause Big Macintosh hurt himself," Answered Applejack.
"How about I use my ninja skills to get all of these apples down while you kick back a little?" Offered Deadpool.
"No way! I am not going to change how I get these apples. And I don't need ya help. Which means I should really get back to work." Applejack's friends continued to stand in front of her. "Ahem… hint hint? Get back to work?"
"Fine," Said Twilight and Deadpool in unison.
They moved to the side as requested.
"Could you two step aside?" Asked Applejack in a dizzy state.
Hearing her ask them to move again caused Twilight and Deadpool to look at each other in confusion.
"We just did," Said Twilight.
While looking at her friends, Applejack's vision made her see multiple Deadpools and Twilights.
"Applejack, you don't look so good," Said Deadpool in concern.
"Eh, don't any of you six worry none, I'm just fine and dandy," Said Applejack.
As she tried to buck another tree, she only hit it lightly, and almost fell over.
"Do you want some help?" Asked Twilight.
"Help?" Applejack shook her head to get out of her daze. "No way, no how."
"There's no way you can do this on your own, prideful one," Said Deadpool.
"Is that a challenge?" Asked Applejack intimidatingly.
Applejack made herself look taller to challenge Deadpool's words.
"No," Said Deadpool timidly.
"Well, I'm going to prove to you all that I can do it! Now if you will excuse me, I've got apples to buck."
With that, Applejack walked away to get back to work, leaving behind her friends who gave each other concerned looks. A little while later, at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle was on the balcony reading a book while Deadpool was just drawing random stick figures on some lined paper.
Wait, is that a stick figure of a mare with a big ass?
"Yup," Answered Deadpool.
I'm not going to even bother asking why.
Changing the topic, all of a sudden, Rainbow Dash crash-landed on the railing of the balcony. Seeing Rainbow Dash crash caused Deadpool to get into a laughing fit.
"Can I help you?" Asked Twilight mockingly.
"I think somepony else needs your help," Replied Rainbow.
"Applejack?"
"Yup. Deadpool stop laughing!" Demanded Rainbow sternly.
"Can't and won't. So…" Deadpool paused to continue laughing. "if you want me to, make me. Umph!"
Before he knew what hit him, Deadpool's head was kicked clean off by Rainbow Dash, and was sent high in the sky.
(Ha, you said high!)
Rainbow Dash noticed the paper next to a headless merc.
"What was he doing?"
As she looked at the paper, Rainbow Dash's eyes grew to the size of saucers, filled with regret.
"What was he drawing?" Asked Twilight.
"I don't think you want to know," Answered Rainbow.
A few minutes later, at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was continuing to work herself too much. As she was picking up an apple from the ground, she hit her head on a branch. That was when Deadpool and Twilight arrived.
"Applejack, can we talk?" Asked Twilight.
Applejack tried to listen to Twilight, but her hearing was off from the hit to the head.
"Can bees squawk?! I don't think so," Replied Applejack.
"No. Can we talk?"
"Twenty stalks? Beans or celery?"
As Twilight was about to repeat herself, Deadpool put up a hoof.
"Wait, I know what to do," Said Deadpool.
He pulled out the megaphone to be used again.
"Deadpool, wait!" Shouted Twilight.
"WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU!" Shouted Deadpool.
Both girls' ears were ringing from how loud Deadpool spoke into the megaphone.
"Oh! Well why didn't you say so? What you two wanna talk about?" Asked Applejack.
"Rainbow Dash dropped in to see us today," Said Twilight.
Deadpool was giggling to himself, remembering what had occurred minutes ago.
"That was quite neighborly of her," Said Applejack.
"Yes, except that she crashed onto my balcony after you launched her into the air," Said Twilight.
"Oh, yeah. I wasn't feeling quite myself this morning."
"Well wannabe outlaw, that's because you're working too hard and you need help," Said Deadpool.
"What? Kelp? I don't need kelp. I don't even like seaweed," Said Applejack.
Once again, Applejack's hearing was off.
"HELP! You need HELP!" Shouted Twilight.
"Nothin' doin', Twilight. I'm gonna prove to you, t'everypony, that I can do this on my own," Said Applejack stubbornly.
As she turned around, she hit her head on the same branch.
"Ow! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go help Pinkie Pie."
As Applejack wobbled away, Deadpool and Twilight let out sighs of defeat. Later on, Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool arrived at the Urgent Care Wing of Ponyville Hospital.
"We came as soon as we got the message Miss," Said Deadpool.
A white earth pony with a pink mane and tail, blue eyes, and wearing a nurse's uniform, who goes by Nurse Reheart, met with them in the room.
"Thank you for coming. We need all the help we can get," Said Nurse Redheart.
Looking around the room, they noticed a bunch of Ponyville's residents were groaning in pain, and their faces were a sickly green. Pinkie Pie herself was one of the patients.
"Oh no! What happened?" Asked Twilight in concern.
"It was a mishap with some of the baked goods," Informed Nurse Redheart.
"No, not baked goods, baked bads," Said Pinkie Pie before the urge to vomit came.
"Applejack," Said Twilight and Deadpool in unison.
Spike found one of the "baked bads", a muffin to be exact, and took a bite out of it. He ended up liking it.
"Want one?" Asked Spike.
Twilight immediately rejected it. Deadpool on the other hand took one and started eating it. He enjoyed the muffin as well.
"Eww! Why would you eat that?!" Asked Twilight in disgust.
"Healing factor. And on a side note, it tastes like chips," Answered Deadpool.
After the hospital visit, Deadpool and Twilight tried to help Applejack again, but, like the other times, she was too stubborn to accept it.
(We could have added the full scene in, but it had the same shit in it as the other scenes.)
I personally wanted to add it, but Deadpool had a gun next to my head, and if I did he would have ended this crossover here and now.
So… Deadpool and Twilight were walking around Ponyville when they noticed three unconscious mares in the road.
(I dare you to kiss them and see if they wake up!)
(Perv!)
One by one, the mares woke up.
"The horror."
"It was awful."
"A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster."
Deadpool and Twilight looked around, but nothing appeared to be wrong.
"Um, ladies, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong here," Said Deadpool.
"Our gardens, destroyed."
"Every last flower, devoured."
"By… By… THEM!"
One of the mares pointed to a large group of baby rabbits. They were eating every foliage in sight. Fluttershy was trying to round them all up, but to no avail.
"Oh my. Oh please stop, little bunnies. Oh no! Please, let's go home. Oh my goodness," Uttered Fluttershy in panic.
"They came in a stampede," Said one of the mares.
"They did? Well, son of a bitch! If I recall correctly, I mentioned bunny stampede at the beginning of this fanfic," Said Deadpool.
"All right. Enough is enough," Said Twilight.
"Yeah, I agree. I say we end this now," Said Deadpool while holding a shotgun and cocking it.
"What? No! I didn't mean it like that," Said Twilight.
"Aww! I wanted to use this!" Whined Deadpool.
Just then, a baby bunny hopped towards him.
"Eh, what's up doc?" Quipped Deadpool.
Meanwhile, Applejack was bucking a lone apple tree. Her kicks were light, although apples were still falling. She looked like she could collapse at any second.
"Must (Gasp) keep (Gasp) buckin'... Just (Gasp) a few (Gasp) more. Must finish harvestin', Said Applejack exhaustively.
Just then, Twilight Sparkle and Deadpool came to confront her.
"All right, Applejack. Your applebucking hasn't just caused 'you' problems, it's over propelled pegasus', practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies," Scolded Twilight.
"You also broke my back at the ceremony!" Added Deadpool.
"We don't care what you say. You. Need. Help."
With one final kick, Applejack kicked the last apples from the tree into baskets.
"Ha! No, I don't. Look, I did it. I harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres without your help," Said Applejack.
As Twilight and Deadpool looked around, they noticed all the trees around them had no apples on them.
"How d'ya like them apples?" Asked Applejack.
"Um, how do you like them apples?"
Deadpool pointed towards an acre of apple trees, their ripe fruit still on them. Applejack was speechless. She tried to speak, but her words were unintelligible.
"Where'd all the apples…? (Sigh)"
Applejack fainted during her confusion. As Applejack slowly opened her eyes, she heard voices.
"Applejack?"
"Applejack?"
"I know what to do."
"No you don't! We're not doing this again."
"Mine!"
Slipping in and out of consciousness, Applejack finally woke up. When she processed her surroundings, she noticed Deadpool and Twilight "playing" tug of war with the megaphone.
"Give it back!" Demanded Deadpool.
"It's a bad idea," Said Twilight.
"It's effective."
"It will blow up my eardrums!"
"You have a healing factor."
"I don't, you do."
"Ah-Ahem," Uttered Applejack to get her friends' attention.
They look at her, then Deadpool yanked the megaphone back and put it away.
"Oh, good, you're okay. Now Applejack, we completely respect the Apple family's ways," Said Twilight.
"They don't approve of kick ass ninja skills," Rebutted Deadpol.
"Shh! You're always there to help anypony in need, so maybe you can put a little of your stubborn pride aside and allow your friends to help you," Said Twilight.
"Okay, you two," Said Applejack in defeat.
"We're not taking 'no' for an answer- what?" Asked Twilight in disbelief.
"Yes, please. I could really use your help," Pleaded Applejack.
"Even my ninja skills?" Questioned Deadpool.
"(Sigh) Even your ninja skills."
"Yay!"
A few hours later, Twilight in addition with the rest of the Mane Six, Spike, and Deadpool, almost harvested rest of the orchard. Applejack came outside, pushing a dining cart with refreshments. Despite only having a few hours of sleep, she was no longer tired.
"How about y'all take a little break? I got some fine apple juice waitin' for ya!" Said Applejack.
Deadpool walked over to the cart, and grabbed a bottle of apple juice.
"Really, no beer? Not even hard cider? Fine, but after this fanfic chapter is wrapped up, I am going to the nearest bar," Said Deadpool.
"Everypony, I can't thank you enough for this help. I was acting a bit stubborn," Said Applejack.
"A bit?" Questioned Twilight.
"Okay, a mite stubborn, and I'm awful sorry. Now, I know the town gave me the Prized Pony award, but the real award is having you six as my friends."
"Phew!" That applebucking sure made me hungry," Said Rainbow.
"And I've got the perfect treat."
Spike pulled out the "baked bads" that Applejack inadvertently made from a paper bag.
"Eeew! Spike, I threw those away. Where'd you get them?" Asked Pinkie Pie.
"From the trash," Said Spike casually.
Deadpool pulled out a tainted muffin, and took a big bite out of it.
"Ew!" Cried the girls in pure disgust.
"Oh please, I have had worse. I once had a glass of orange juice that practically turned into a mimosa," Said Deadpool.
"Ew! Gross!"
Hope you all enjoyed the newest chapter "Apples, Apples, and More Apples". I enjoyed inserting Deadpool in the overall great episode, "Applebuck Season", fromthe first season of "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic". I plan on having this story be a mix between Deadpool's adventures and inserting him in some episodes from the actual show. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!