A Bunsen burner was ignited, and a marshmallow on a stick was held above it. The pony holding the stick was none other than Deadpool. He wanted to eat some marshmallows, so he thought it was a good idea to use a burner from Twilight's laboratory to roast them.
(Are you sure this is a good idea?)
"Of course it is. I'm just roasting a marshmallow over a Bunsen burner. What's the worst that can happen?" Asked Deadpool rhetorically.
Just then, the marshmallow caught fire. Deadpool panicked, and tried to blow the fire out. In a desperate attempt to extinguish the flame, he ran to the kitchen, turned the kitchen sink faucet on, and stuck the marshmallow in the stream of water. While the fire was put out, the marshmallow became soggy.
"Aww," Said Deadpool in disappointment.
"There you are."
Deadpool turned around, and saw Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Mane Six. He immediately threw the marshmallow into a trash can to hide the accident.
"Heyyy! What's happening girls?" Asked Deadpool with a guilty tone.
"Deadpool, we need to talk," Said Rainbow Dash.
"Sorry, but I have something important to do," Lied Deadpool.
"Wade, this is important," Said Twilight.
(She just used your real name! This is important!)
"What do you girls want to talk about?" Asked Deadpool dreadfully.
"To put it shortly, after knowing you for a while now, we noticed you are irresponsible," Said Twilight.
"Me?! Irresponsible?! Since when have I been irresponsible?!"
"First, there was the time you surprised me on purpose when I was brewing potions."
(Flashback time!)
One month ago…
Twilight was brewing some potions in her laboratory. She grabbed a test tube with a flammable warning sign on it, containing an orange liquid.
"Almost done. I can only add one drop of this. Got to be careful," Muttered Twilight.
Unbeknownst to her, Deadpool was crouching behind her. He was holding a balloon in one hoof, and a pin in the other.
"This is going to be so funny!" Thought Deadpool.
He slowly stood up, placed the tip of the pin on the balloon, and then…
POP!
"Ahh!"
Twilight screamed and jumped in surprise, which caused her to spill some of the flammable liquid into the other test tube.
"Oh no..."
KA-BOOM!
When the smoke cleared, Twilight had soot all over her face. Luckily, she was wearing safety goggles, so none got in her eyes. Deadpool slowly sunk to the floor to hide.
Present day…
"Then there was the time ya helped Pinkie Pie with bakin' a cake," Said Applejack.
Three weeks ago…
Deadpool was at Sugarcube Corner helping Pinkie Pie make desserts, while she was busy with the customers. He was in the kitchen placing a chocolate cake in a preheated oven, and set the timer for thirty minutes.
"Hmm, if baking a cake at three-hundred fifty degrees finishes it in thirty minutes, then setting the temperature at four-hundred fifty degrees must finish it in twenty minutes," Reasoned Deadpool.
(Your logic makes no sense.)
Deadpool ignored the voice in his head, and set the oven to four-hundred and fifty degrees, and the timer to twenty minutes. After a few minutes, the fire alarm went off. Deadpool realized the cake was burning. He grabbed a fire extinguisher, and opened the oven door. Smoke was fuming out while pressurized foam went in. When the fire was put out, Deadpool took out the cake. It was burnt solid with flakes coming off the top. Not wanting to face the consequences, Deadpool sneaked out through the kitchen window.
Present day…
"The chocolate cake was more of a brick cake," Remarked Pinkie Pie.
"And just last week, you didn't catch me during a trust fall," Said Rainbow.
One week ago…
Deadpool and Rainbow Dash were outside on the streets of Ponyville.
"You remember the plan?" Asked Rainbow.
"I got it, I got it. You're going to fly up into the sky, then you'll let yourself fall to the ground, where I will catch you," Said Deadpool.
"Here we go."
Rainbow Dash flew up for a little bit, then turned her back towards Ponyville. She tucked in her wings to her side, and let herself fall to the ground. Deadpool stood in a position to catch her when he heard giggling. He turned around and saw three mares. One was an earth pony while the other two were unicorns. The earth pony had a yellow coat, cyan eyes, a white mane and tail, and a rose cutie mark. The unicorns were almost identical; indigo coats and horns, lime green mane and tails with a hot pink stripe, and turquoise eyes. The only thing that was different between them was one had a pen and ink cutie mark while the other had a star cutie mark.
"Hellooo ladies!" Said Deadpool flirtatiously.
He walked away from where he was supposed to be to greet them.
CRASH!
Rainbow Dash fell through the ground. When she emerged from the pony shaped hole she created, she placed a hoof to the side of her head in pain.
"Deadpool? You were supposed to…"
Rainbow Dash heard ponies talking. She saw Deadpool and the mares sitting at a table outside a restaurant.
"When I started out, I originally wore street clothes, but they kept getting stained with blood after every fight I got involved in. Then I switched to red spandex. The problem with spandex is it can tear easily. So that's when I switched to the suit I'm wearing now. It's flexible, can withstand more wear and tear, and it's red, so the bad guys can't see me bleed. That guy over there has the right idea, he wore brown pants," Remarked Deadpool.
While Deadpool and the mares laughed, Rainbow Dash glared at him from where she crashed.
Present Day…
(Did he just quote the Deadpool movie?)
(I think he did!)
"Okay, I know what I did was really bad, that's on me. But I got one of the mares' contact information! Check it!"
Deadpool pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, and showed it to the girls. Rarity raised a brow as she read the paper.
"Darling, I'm afraid this is the address for the local mane salon," Informed Rarity.
"Huh? Aww, " Said Deadpool in disappointment.
"Anyway we're going to help you be more responsible," Said Twilight.
"Really? I know we haven't had one since the fourth story of the fanfiction, but do I have to partake in a friendship slash life lesson?"
"We're going to teach ya responsibility whether ya like it or not," Said Applejack sternly.
"Why should I? Everything's fine now. Plus, I fail to see how that flashback sequence shows me being irresponsible."
"All three of those stories had one common theme: you did not take responsibility for your actions. Think about it, Wade. What if Pinkie had gotten in trouble for your mistake? What if Rainbow Dash had gotten seriously hurt? What if I had gotten hurt from your prank? Mistakes have consequences, and it is your responsibility to address them. We are offering you a chance to improve and be a better pony. If you don't take our offer, your next mistake may not end well for you or anypony else," Warned Twilight.
Deadpool felt a strange feeling in his chest.
(Heartburn?)
As much as it pains him to admit it, he knows Twilight is right. He may get enjoyment out of being reckless, but if any of his friends got hurt by his actions, he couldn't live with himself.
"... You're right, Twilight; all of you are right. What do you have to offer?" Asked Deadpool.
"Um… We haven't thought of how we would teach Deadpool responsibility," Said Fluttershy.
The girls huddled together to formulate a plan.
"So… what do we do?" Asked Pinkie Pie.
"Admittedly, I didn't think we were going to get this far," Said Twilight.
"I know! We're all going to Cloudsdale tomorrow, right? I need somepony to look after my little sister while I'm gone, so I can have Deadpool watch over her. Applejack, I know the rest of your family will be home, but why not have him watch over Apple Bloom too?" Asked Rarity.
"Heck no! I ain't leaving m' little sister with a stallion who I am pretty sure is insane!" Said Applejack.
"If it makes you feel better, their friend Scootaloo can be with them in case something goes wrong," Said Rarity.
"And Spike can stay to lend a hand too," Added Twilight.
"... Fine. I guess it couldn't hurt to have him keep an eye on Apple Bloom for one day,'' Said Applejack reluctantly.
"So it's agreed then?" Asked Twilight.
Twilight's friends nodded in response. They got out of the huddle and faced Deadpool.
"Wade, after discussing it over, we decided tomorrow, while we go to Cloudsdale, you will watch over Applejack and Rarity's little sisters and their friend for a day to teach you responsibility," Said Twilight.
Deadpool's eyes widened in shock upon hearing this.
"No! No! No! I'm not a fan of little kids! They're loud, don't give you any space, and are just annoying! No offense," Said Deadpool.
"I can promise they are well behaved," Assured Rarity.
(Why do I feel like they aren't going to live up to that?)
"... Fine," Said Deadpool reluctantly.
All of a sudden, the fire alarm beeped throughout the library.
"Deadpool, what did you do?" Asked Twilight sternly.
"Um, left the Bunsen burner on," Answered Deadpool.
"I'm already regretting my decision," Said Applejack.
The next day, Twilight and Deadpool were waiting for Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo to arrive.
"You sure you don't want to take Spike's offer? He doesn't mind staying if you need help," Said Twilight.
"It's fine. I mean, I'm just keeping an eye on some kids. What could possibly go wrong?" Asked Deadpool rhetorically.
Twilight bit her bottom lip, thinking of many things that can go wrong. Her thoughts faded away when she saw Rarity and Applejack arriving. Following them were two school age fillies. One was a pale yellow earth pony with a red mane and tail. She also had a big pink bow on the back of her head. The other filly was a silvery white unicorn with a mulberry and pink mane and tail.
"Good morning Deadpool and Twilight," Greeted Rarity.
"Morning. So I assume they are your guys' little sisters?" Asked Deadpool.
"Yeah, we are," Said Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in unison.
"Isn't there somepony else I'm supposed to watch over as well?"
Just as Deadpool finished his sentence, he heard someone yell…
"Look out!"
Not able to react fast enough, Deadpool was run over by a scooter. Wheel impressions were left on his body. The owner of the scooter was none other than Scootaloo. She had a light orange coat and a cerise mane and tail. After she took her helmet off, she ran to check on Deadpool.
"Are you okay?" Asked Scootaloo concernedly.
"Yeah, I've been through worse," Replied Deadpool.
"Sorry for running you over," Said Scootaloo sincerely.
"Don't sweat it."
"Since everypony's here, we'll get going," Said Twilight.
"Hold on a sec." Applejack walked over to Deadpool and whispered in his ear. "If I find so much as a single scratch on m' sister when I come back, I will turn ya into a scarecrow for the farm!"
That threat was duly noted by Deadpool, who looked terrified.
"We'll be back at the end of the day. Goodbye," Said Rarity.
"Bye!" Shouted the young fillies.
After saying their farewells, the fillies turned around to look at Deadpool. There was awe in their eyes.
"I can't believe we get to spend the day with a real superhero!" Shrieked Scootaloo.
"My sister talks about you a lot, but I never thought I would get a chance to meet you," Said Apple Bloom.
"I know. Meeting me is one of the most awesome things that can occur in a pony's life," Said Deadpool.
(Groan.)
"You know, your costume looks a lot like Spider-Po-"
"Don't finish that sentence!" Hissed Deadpool.
"Sorry," Said Sweetie Belle apologetically.
"Anyway, you girls want to see something funny?" Asked Deadpool.
"Yeah," Said the girls in unison.
"Great! Just give me a second." Deadpool sat down on his haunches and turned around, so the girls couldn't see what he was doing. He secretly pulled out a knife, and slicing noises could be heard. He then turned back around to face the girls. "Pull my hoof."
"We're not falling for this. The colts at school pull this joke a lot," Said Apple Bloom.
"Too much," Added Scootaloo.
"Trust me. It will be funny," Said Deadpool.
The girls looked at each other, then Apple Bloom grabbed Deadpool's left hoof. When she pulled it, the hoof came off!
"Ahhhhhhhhh!"
The girls screamed, and poor Apple Bloom dropped the hoof. Deadpool was laughing so hard he fell on his back.
(What is wrong with you?! They're just little kids!)
Deadpool didn't care. He found the whole thing amusing. A few minutes later, Deadpool and the girls were at a field. He thought they could run around to let out some energy. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were looking at his twin katanas. They looked at each other, and gave each other mischievous grins.
"Hey, Deadpool, why do you have all of those weapons?" Asked Scootaloo.
"'Cause the only powers I have are a healing factor and enhanced strength. Not really the best weapons for fighting by themselves. Although, I guess the enhanced strength has its perks," Said Deadpool to himself.
"Deadpool?" Said Apple Bloom.
"Yeah?"
"Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle took your swords while you were talking."
"Huh… What?!" When he looked over his shoulders, Deadpool saw both of his katanas were in fact taken. "Ah shit! Where did they go?"
"That way."
Apple Bloom pointed behind Deadpool.
(I told you not to have your weapons on you.)
"Not now," Said Deadpool to himself.
Meanwhile, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were looking at Deadpool's katanas in awestruck. Both of them had a katana each.
"Wow!" Whispered Sweetie Belle.
"Yeah, wow! Maybe these can help us get our cutie marks!" Said Scootaloo.
"How?"
"Hmm… I know, we can get our cutie marks in swordsmanship!"
Scootaloo lightly swung her katana at Sweetie Belle, which she blocked. They both kept trying to land blows on the other, but thankfully every attack was blocked. Deadpool found them, and, when he realized what they were doing, ran towards them at phenomenal speeds.
"Woah! Woah! Woah! Don't swing those! They're very dangerous!" Shouted Deadpool.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo ignored him, and continued with what they were doing. He then tried to take the katanas from them.
SLASH!
Deadpool's left fore hoof was accidentally sliced off by Sweetie Belle. Ironically, it was the same hoof he used for the prank he pulled on the girls. After realizing what happened, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo stopped and looked at him, then the hoof. Deadpool grabbed his hoof, and reattached it to his left arm.
"There we go. Now, NEVER take my weapons again! Understand?" Asked Deadpool.
"Yes. Sorry Deadpool," Said Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in unison.
Turning away, Deadpool took a deep breath to calm himself.
"It's alright. Neither of you got hurt, and that's what matters. After all, I probably should not be carrying military grade weapons around kids your age," Said Deadpool.
(NO! I thought it was TOTALLY safe to have weapons around children!)
"Shut up!"
One hour later...
Deadpool and the girls were eating at a burger joint called The Hay Burger. While the Cutie Mark Crusaders were eating burgers and fries, Deadpool was just drinking a soda.
"Thanks again for lunch, Dedpool," Said Scootaloo.
"No problem. Although, keep this between us. Dash, Rare, and AJ might have my head if they knew I took you all out to eat junk food without asking them. For all I know, you all are supposed to be eating healthy," Said Deadpool.
(We may be grown stallions, but unless it's in a taco, we don't eat vegetables!)
The girls nodded in agreement.
"This may sound sudden, but how did you get your powers, Deadpool?" Asked Sweetie Belle.
"Military experiment. That's all I can really tell you because the rest is not for little kids to hear," Answered Deadpool.
"I myself was wondering if that symbol is your actual cutie mark, or is it something else?" Pondered Apple Bloom.
"My magic butt tattoo? No. The symbol you see on my suit where my cutie mark is is just my logo. Here, let me show you what my actual cutie mark is."
(Wade! No!)
Grabbing a napkin and a pencil, the latter from who knows where, Deadpool drew a picture of a combat knife with the blade facing up towards the east and a pistol underneath.
(Phew! That was NOT what I thought he was going to do.)
"What does it mean?" Asked Apple Bloom.
"It represents combat. Something I have been involved in long before I was a hero. Anyway, how about when y'all are done eating we go explore the Everfree Forest?" Suggested Deadpool.
"Isn't the Everfree Forest dangerous?" Asked Sweetie Belle.
"We won't go too far. Besides, I will be around, so all of you will be safe."
After they finished eating, Deadpool and the girls traveled to the Everfree Forest. A place, even though it has its pretty side, is home to many dangerous creatures. Right now, everyone was looking at the sites. They had no real path to follow.
(I thought we were never coming back here?)
"You can't let one scary experience prevent you from doing something. Besides, I was only a little scared last time," Said Deadpool confidently.
(The moment that cragadile lunged out of the water, you almost shit yourself.)
"Shut up!"
"Hey Deadpool, mind if I ask ya something?" Asked Apple Bloom.
"You girls are just full of questions aren't you? But yeah, go ahead," Said Deadpool.
"Why did you decide to be a hero?"
Hearing Apple Bloom's question, Deadpool stopped in his tracks. He put a hoof to his chin to think about the question for a moment.
(We're in this for money and babes!)
(No… Okay, that's a little bit of the reason why we do this.)
"I don't know. Ever since I was your age, I always wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be remembered for helping others, just like the heroes in comic books," Answered Deadpool.
(Yeah, we want to be remembered for great things, but it doesn't help that we turned bad ponies into Swiss cheese with our guns.)
"How about we take a break against these trees?" Suggested Deadpool.
"Uh, Deadpool, that's not a-"
SNAP!
Before Sweetie Belle could finish her sentence, a snapping vine that Deadpool was leaning against ate him in one bite. All of a sudden, a sword came out of the vine's stem and it was cut open. Deadpool came out of the stem, covered in green stomach acids.
"Well, I'm going to have a hell of a time washing this out," Said Deadpool sarcastically.
"At least you are okay. I mean, nothing else could go wrong, right?" Asked Scootaloo.
Some bushes shook not too far from the group. As soon as they looked, a manticore pounced out of the bushes towards the girls.
ROAR!
"Ahhh!"
Before the manticore could lay a claw on them, Deadpool delivered a kick to the side of its head, causing it to fly into a tree. As it got up, it bellowed a mighty roar, true to its lion like appearance. It raised its scorpion-like tail, and spread its wings to intimidate its adversary. Deadpool wasn't afraid one bit.
"Okay bub! You may be one fearsome looking son of a bitch, but I'm not going to let you hurt those girls!" Said Deadpool.
(Besides, if we did, their sisters will kill us.)
Deadpool grabbed his pistols, and repeatedly fired at the manticore. The manticore ran too quickly for the bullets to hit.
"Maybe I need more firepower?!"
Deadpool pulled out an assault rifle from somewhere, and tried to shoot the manticore. This time, the manticore flew up into the air to avoid the bullets. Once the gun ran out of ammo, the manticore flew down on top of Deadpool, and slammed him so hard, the ground cracked underneath him. The manticore had a terrible advantage over the Merc. Both its paws pinned down Deadpool's forelegs, so he couldn't fight back.
"Let go!" Demanded Deadpool.
He tried to shake the manticore off, but it was no use. In the blink of an eye, he felt a sharp pain in his neck. The manticore had stung Deadpool with its tail.
"Hey, get off him!"
Scootaloo caught the manticore's attention, and it started to chase the girls. When Deadpool got up, his vision was off. Everything was spinning and twisting in his eyes. He was also seeing random colors.
(Is this what it feels like… to be on LSD?)
(It must be… It feels so awesome!)
"If I didn't know any better, I would have thought Vertigo was here," Remarked Deadpool.
"Help!"
Deadpool heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders scream for help, and wobbled his way towards them. The manticore was still chasing the girls. Every time they changed direction, it was there. Deadpool saw a light brown blob that was moving, so he pursued it. Pulling out one of his katanas, he attacked.
"Take this! And that! And this! And that! How does that feel?!"
"Deadpool, that's not the manticore!" Shouted Sweetie Belle.
Instead of the manticore, Deadpool was hacking at a tree.
"Oh… Let's try this again," Said Deadpool.
Looking to his left, he saw the actual manticore, and lunged at it. It successfully dodged and bit down on Deadpool's right foreleg. Dropping the katana, he was thrashed around like a rag doll. Then the manticore tossed Deadpool into a tree. Before he could get up, the manticore pounced on him and delivered a bite to the throat. Thinking he was dead, the manticore went to attack the Cutie Mark Crusaders. But the manticore doesn't realise Deadpool can't die. Even though he was no longer affected by the neurotoxin, he was very weak. All he could do was lie on the ground. While he spoke, he coughed up blood.
"I failed. I couldn't… take care of them… I shouldn't have brought them… to the Everfree Forest. I let my friends down. They are right, I am irresponsible," Said Deadpool sadly.
"Help!"
Deadpool could hear the Cutie Mark Crusaders cry for help. He quickly got to his hooves.
"No. I can save them! I can prove I am responsible."
Deadpool picked up his katana, and ran towards the manticore. The girls were backed up into a boulder with no way to escape. Just when the manticore was going to pounce…
SLASH!
ROAR!
Deadpool had just come in the nick of time. He managed to leave a big gash in the manticore's side. This of course angered it, and it lunged at him. Reacting quickly, Deadpool laid down on the ground, and the manticore lunged over him. Getting back up, Deadpool ran, jumped, and brought the katana down onto the manticore's back. Roaring in pain, it tried to shake him off.
(Shake it off! Shake it off!)
The manticore managed to succeed, and it ran off into the forest. Deadpool pulled out one of his pistols.
"Deadpool!" Cried Apple Bloom.
"Hold on. I have to do the humane thing."
Deadpool proceeded to walk in the direction of the wounded manticore.
BANG!
The forest went silent, then Deadpool walked back to the girls.
"Are all of you okay?" Asked Deadpool in concern.
"Yeah, thanks," Said Scootaloo.
"No problem. Now, let's get the hell out of here," Said Deadpool.
With that, they proceeded to leave the forest. A little while later, at the Golden Oak library, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, ran to the door.
"How bad do you think they're hurt?" Asked Applejack in concern.
"It can't be that bad," Said Rainbow.
They opened the door and expected to see a disaster. Instead, all the girls saw were the Cutie Mark Crusaders pulling out a book shelf, which Deadpool hid behind.
"Found you!" Shouted the younger girls.
"Darn! Oh, hey gals! How was Cloudsdale?" Asked Deadpool.
"Um, good. So, everything went okay?" Asked Rarity in reply.
"Yeah. Everything went well," Said Deadpool.
"Deadpool's really fun, and funny too," Said Sweetie Belle.
(He is?)
"Well, that's good to hear. Now, how about we get on home, Apple Bloom?" Suggested Applejack.
"Wait! There's this one joke we found really funny. Deadpool, show them."
Sweetie Belle winked at Deadpool. Deadpool got the cue, and made a devious grin.
"May I?" Asked Deadpool.
The older mares looked at each other, then nodded in approval while smiling. After getting the approval, Deadpool turned around, so the older girls couldn't see what he was doing. The Crusaders kept chuckling to each other the entire time.
"Okay. Now, pull my hoof," Instructed Deadpool.
"No," Said the mares.
"Pleeeasse!" Begged Deadpool and the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Giving each other looks, Rainbow Dash was the brave one to pull Deadpool's left hoof. Just like before, the hoof came off.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!"
Rainbow Dash quickly let go of the hoof, and she and her friends ran out the door. The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Deadpool were on the floor, laughing so hard tears came out of their eyes.
Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". The next chapter will be a special one, 'cause it will focus on an important part of Deadpool. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!"