It was a bright sunny day in Ponyville. After Lord Tirek's defeat, the town's lively atmosphere has returned. The townsponies happily went about their day, knowing their town and the whole of Equestria was saved yet again. At the newly erected Castle of Friendship, Twilight, Deadpool, and all of their friends entered the throne room. Spike was already there, sleeping on his throne. Everyone but Twilight decided to join him, sitting in their thrones marked with their respective cutie marks.
"Let's go through this one more time," Said Twilight.
"(Sigh) We've been over it like a million times, Twilight! We found all six keys, defeated Tirek, and got this sweet castle! End of story!" Said Rainbow Dash.
"Yes, but why?" Wondered Twilight.
"I dunno, sugarcube. Maybe it's just your new house and there ain't nothin' more to it than that," Replied Applejack.
"I must say, speaking strictly on aesthetics, there really doesn't need to be more to it. It's all simply divine!" Said Rarity.
"Speaking of divine, can we talk about how awesome these thrones are?! They're comfortable and have our cutie marks on them! They even have one for yours truly!" Said Deadpool.
"I agree with Twilight. And Rarity. And Applejack. And Deadpool. And Rainbow Dash. And Pinkie Pie. Oh, and probably Spike too," Added Fluttershy.
"As princess, I've been chosen to spread the magic of friendship across Equestria. So why would the Tree of Harmony want us to sit in a castle in Ponyville? It doesn't make any sense."
As Twilight wondered about the castle's appearance, she sat on her throne like the rest of her friends. As soon as she took a seat, her cutie mark began to glow. The symbol of her cutie mark on the throne also glowed. Soon, the rest of the symbols and her friends' cutie marks began to glow. Rays of light shined down from the thrones onto the star-shaped platform in the center of the room. To everyone's surprise, crystalline stones burst from the ground in front of their thrones and met at the center. From the floor a large table formed.
It was in that moment when Spike finally woke up. Rubbing his eyes, he quickly noticed the large table that formed in the center of the room. Looking at it with the same shocked expressions on his friends' faces, he noticed that on the surface of the table was a large holographic map of Equestria.
"Is that new? I like it," Said Spike.
"It's… It's a map!" Said Twilight in astonishment.
"This is incredible! It's got all of Equestria!" Said Spike while walking across the map.
With excitement, everyone looked over the new map. Deadpool in particular was intensively looking for something over in Manehattan.
(What are you looking for?)
"I'm looking for the X-Ponies' private school-club house, so I can sit on it like I am a god."
(Ha! Crushed to death by giant ass!)
(I feel like that would be a less humiliating way to go out then that one guy who died from shooting a cactus.)
Suddenly, everyone's cutie marks began to flash, and floating images of their cutie marks appeared in a location left of Manehattan.
"Twilight, my ass is glowing! Is this some magical illness I somehow contracted? … Or am I getting a booty call?" Asked Deadpool suggestively.
"Not now, Wade," Replied Twilight.
"But if this is Ponyville, why are our cutie marks over there?" Asked Fluttershy while pointing at the spot marked on the map.
"I don't know, but it seems like the map wants us to find out. The Tree, the chest, this castle, and now the map. How can we not follow it?" Asked Twilight rhetorically.
"Y'know what? There's a ton of room for dangerous adventure along that route. Count me in!" Said Rainbow.
"Aw, shoot. I reckon you're right," Concurred Applejack.
"Well, I was planning on organizing my baking sheets, but okay!" Said Pinkie Pie.
"(Sigh) Very well," Said Rarity.
"Um, maybe I'll just stay here with Spike," Said Fluttershy timidly.
"Awesome! Big Mac and I have a huge weekend ahead of us talkin' hoofball, and trading hoofball cards, and arguing about hoofball stats…"
"O-o-on second thought, m-m-maybe I'd better go with them. In case they need me," Said Fluttershy while repressing the urge to cringe.
"What about you, Wade? Will you come along?" Asked Twilight.
"Let me check my schedule." Deadpool pulled out a piece of paper and looked over its contents. "I moved my plans of ridiculing the "Catwoman" movie to next Saturday. So, I'll tag along for another kickass adventure."
"Looks like it's time for a road trip."
Over the next couple hours, the group of friends traveled to the marked location. They started by taking the train until they got to the end of the line. From there, they crossed a rope bridge over a large canyon. They then looked over a ledge, and found what they believed was where the map sent them. Down below was a village in what can be said was in the middle of nowhere.
"That's it! That's the place on the map!" Said Twilight.
"Right. Let's get down there and find the spa!"
Before Rarity could get far, Twilight teleported in front of her.
"Wait. We don't know why the map sent us here. We shouldn't just walk right in. It could be dangerous," Reasoned Twilight.
"Yes!" Said Deadpool and Rainbow Dash in unison.
"Stay behind me and Wade, everypony! We're on it!" Said Pinkie.
"What she said!" Said Deadpool.
"Careful, you two!" Said Applejack.
Much to everyone's concern, Pinkie and Deadpool recklessly stepped off the ledge, and rolled down to the ground. They both hid behind a large boulder. Pinkie signaled her friends to come, while Deadpool signaled for her to go towards the village. She used two small rocks for cover, then she and Deadpool hid behind another large boulder. Signaling their friends to continue forward, they both pushed the boulder towards the village while using it as cover.
Once they pushed the boulder to an ideal spot, Deadpool, Pinkie, and the rest of their friends looked over the boulder to study the town. It was rather bland looking. All of the houses with the exception of one were arranged in two parallel rows. The residents of the village were going about their day.
"This is where the map sent us? It looks like the most boring place in Equestria," Said Rainbow.
"It looks like a run-of-the-mill village," Added Deadpool.
"It's just an ordinary village full of ordinary pony folk," Added Applejack.
"It could certainly use a few more architectural flourishes. Or ANY architectural flourishes," Said Rarity.
"I think it's lovely," Said Fluttershy.
As all of her friends were making their own observations, Pinkie was focusing her attention on the townsponies. They were all smiling, which is something she normally enjoys seeing. But she couldn't help but think that the smiles were… off. They seemed a little bigger than a typical smile. Appearing almost as if something sinister was hidden behind their pearly whites.
"I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I know smiles. And those smiles… They're just not right," Said Pinkie.
"Forget the smiles. Look at the cutie marks."
Twilight directed her friends' attention towards the townsponies' cutie marks. On each and every one of their flanks was the same cutie mark - a black equal sign.
"Okay, that's weird," Said Rainbow.
"An entire village with the same cutie mark? How can that be?" Wondered Twilight.
"I bet there's some sort of horrific monster behind it," Said Rainbow.
"What makes you say that?" Asked Twilight.
"'Cause fighting a horrific monster would be super awesome!" Answered Rainbow.
"Monsters, ponies, whatever. I'm in the mood for a fight!" Said Deadpool.
Before he could get far, he was grabbed by the shoulder by Applejack.
"I reckon we just ought to head into town and talk to some locals. Find out what's goin' on,'' Reasoned Applejack.
"Fine. But I want to punch something before we get back to Ponyville," Said Deadpool.
As everyone walked towards the village, Pinkie Pie continued to look at the smiles of the townsponies.
"Those smiles are bad news."
Walking down the one road into town, the group of friends quickly got the attention of the locals. They all stopped what they were doing, and stared at them while smiling.
"Welcome!"
"Welcome!"
"Welcome!"
"Welcome!"
"Welcome!"
"Does anyone else think these ponies have a cult vibe to them?" Whispered Deadpool.
"I think this is the most pleasant place in Equestria!" Said Fluttershy.
A local greeted Fluttershy, causing her to giggle in delight.
"Ugh. Thanks a lot, map," Said Rainbow sarcastically.
A unicorn stallion walked up to the group. He was a light cyanish grey with a greyish azure mane. He wore a ragged cloak wrapped around his withers.
"Welcome! Pardon my forwardness, but are you an alicorn?" Asked the stallion to Twilight.
"That there's the Princess of Friendship!" Said Applejack.
"Well, you've certainly come to the right place for friendship."
An earth pony stallion with a white coat, mane and tail overheard the conversation, and walked up to the unicorn stallion.
"What brings you to town?" Asked the earth pony stallion.
"We're not entirely sure," Replied Twilight.
"I see. Well, all are welcome here in our little village. My name is Double Diamond, and this is Party Favor.
"Howdy, Double Diamond. I'm Applejack, and this here's Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Deadpool, and Twilight Sparkle."
After being introduced to everyone, Double Diamond noticed everyone's cutie marks. Twilight's in particular caught his eye.
"And you all have your own unique cutie marks," Said Double Diamond.
"If you don't mind me asking, has there been any sort of… trouble here lately?" Asked Twilight.
"Trouble? Why, I don't think we've ever had trouble in our little village," Answered Double Diamond.
"It's true. You'll see. Hm," Added Party Favor.
"Perhaps you'd care to speak to our founder, Starlight Glimmer," Said Double Diamond.
Double Diamond and Party Favor headed towards the lone building on the other side of town, with the group of ponies following them.
"I wish everypony in Equestria was as friendly as these ponies are," Said Fluttershy.
"I've got my eye on them. My Deadpool sense is tingling, and it's telling me that there's something rotten in… whatever this place is called," Said Deadpool.
The group of heroes followed Double Diamond and Party Favor to the lone building on the edge of town. Once they arrived, both stallions knocked on the front door.
"Starlight, we have some new visitors," Said Double Diamond.
The front door opened up, and the stallions directed everyone inside. They entered a small lounge, where various pictures of an equal sign similar to the residents' cutie marks on the walls. Noticing a small green door across the room, Rainbow Dash spoke to Applejack and Deadpool.
"Be ready to fight. We don't know what's gonna come through that door."
Nodding in agreement, Deadpool placed his hoof over one of the holsters on his belt, ready to grab one of his pistols should the need arise. The door creaked open, and a unicorn mare entered the room. She had a lilac coat, a purple mane and tail with teal hair streaks, and she had the same equal sign cutie mark as the rest of the residents.
"Welcome! I'm Starlight Glimmer, and I'm so pleased to have you here."
"This is Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle," Said Double Diamond.
Deadpool pushed by the group, and leaned against the wall next to Starlight Glimmer.
"The name's Wade, but you can call me Deadpool," Said Wade flirtatiously.
"Well, Deadpool, it's nice to meet you. I have to say, that's a rather… unique outfit you're wearing," Said Starlight.
"An iconic look for an iconic character. Your mane looks great as well."
Deadpool suddenly felt a tingly feeling all over his body, and found a magenta magic aura around him. Looking back towards his friends, he saw that his marefriend was using her magic to drag him away from Starlight Glimmer.
"I'm sorry. He has a hard time knowing when he is acting INAPPROPRIATELY," Said Twilight.
"It's alright. Forgive my bluntness, but I assume you are 'Princess' Twilight Sparkle? We don't get many alicorns around here," Said Starlight.
"Yes, but Twilight is fine."
"So! How did you hear of our little village?"
"It's kind of a long story. Let's just say we found it on a map."
"Technically, it's a Tree-chest-castle-map," Added Pinkie while giving Starlight the stink eye.
"Well, however you found us, we're happy to have you! We're happy to have anypony who wants to experience 'true friendship' for the first time," Said Starlight.
"Say what?" Said Applejack.
"Oh, indeed. That's what's so unique about our village, you see. Around here, we don't flaunt our special talents because we don't have any special talents to flaunt," Explained Starlight.
"Is that why you all have those cutie marks?" Asked Twilight, pointing at Starlight's equal sign cutie mark.
"Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I gave you a tour of our village!
Starlight directed the group outside, and as soon as they stepped out, music filled the air.
"Oh, God, here comes another musical number," Said Deadpool exasperatedly.
(With all of the different songs they have in the majority of the show's episodes, I'm surprised My Little Pony is not a property of Disney.)
(We should probably pay attention to this one. It might reveal something important for the story.)
"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Said Deadpool.
All of the townsponies split up into two rows, and marched down the town with Starlight marching down the middle.
"Heads high, ponies! Marching proud! All together now! Every one of you! No pony left behind! Life-"
One song later…
"Ha! Nice one, author!"
After Starlight Glimmer and the townsponies used a musical number to explain that harmony in the village is predicated on equality, with no one being special, Rainbow Dash laughed.
"You're kidding, right? Give up our cutie marks? No way!" Said Rainbow amusedly.
"Rainbow Dash, don't be so rude. I don't think we should judge them. They all seem perfectly happy with their choice," Said Fluttershy.
"Don't believe their smiles, Fluttershy," Said Pinkie.
"I'm sorry, I guess we're just a little confused by all of this," Said Twilight.
"We have no judgments here in our village. Each of us was confused once as well, blinded by the false promise of our cutie marks," Said Starlight.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Is she for real?" Asked Rainbow mockingly.
"Yeah, uh, now my red flag sense is tingling. Pinkie was right about this place being off. I think we should get back to Ponyville while the going is good."
Deadpool tried to get away, but Twilight grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him back.
"When we were sent to this village, we assumed it was to help in some way. But, well, it doesn't seem like you need any help," Said Twilight.
"Have you considered perhaps that you might have been sent here so 'we' could help 'you'? After all, nopony has ever come to our village and wanted to leave. Why should you be any different? But that is entirely your choice. Please enjoy our little corner of Equestria. We're all quite fond of it. No doubt you will be as well. Double Diamond, please help our guests with whatever they might need," Ordered Starlight.
"Of course," Replied Double Diamond.
Leaving Double Diamond with the group, Starlight made her way back to her cottage.
"Well, this will certainly provide a boost to our little community. When the rest of Equestria sees that a princess gave up her cutie mark to join us, they'll finally understand what we're trying to accomplish."
A few minutes later,
As the group of heroes walked downtown, the locals continued to greet them. Their constant greetings, stares and smiles made everyone but Twilight and Fluttershy feel uncomfortable.
"Okay, I was humoring you when you kept me here, but can we please go? This place is really creeping me out!" Said Deadpool to Twilight in a hushed tone.
"Right?!" Added Rainbow.
"Come on, you two. We were sent here to find a problem, and we are going to find it. I still can't wrap my head around everyone giving up their cutie marks. A cutie mark is a representation of a pony's unique talents and skills. How is it possible to-"
"(Gasp) What in the name of Equestria is that?!"
Twilight was interrupted by Rarity. She pointed at a small clothes store, with cloaks similar to Party Favor's on display. A stallion, who was the shopkeeper, walked over to Rarity with one of the cloaks.
"Welcome! Care to sample some local fashion? We've got cloaks this month!"
Rarity was visibly doing everything within her power to suppress her gag reflex.
"Wha- Ooh, er, perhaps another time, good sir, thank you," Said Rarity politely.
"What about you, sir? Care to try out a new look?" Asked the shopkeeper.
"No, thank you. I'm going to stick with the tights. I will be sure to call you if I ever need a tailor," Said Deadpool sarcastically.
Deciding to grab a bite to eat, the heroes sat at a table outside a local bakery. To avoid having any eavesdroppers listen in, everyone spoke in hushed voices.
"No wonder nopony's wearing anything," Whispered Rarity to Applejack.
"Really, girls! They may do things a bit differently than we're used to, but that's no reason to be rude," Scolded Fluttershy.
"Oh, sweet, naive Fluttershy. It's cute how oblivious you can be to other ponies' motives," Said Deadpool.
"Yeah! The reason to be rude is that they all keep staring at us!"
Rainbow Dash gestured towards the townsponies, who were staring at them while smiling as they went about their day. They inadvertently got Double Diamond's attention, who was sitting at a table from across the street.
"Need something?" Asked Double Diamond.
"Uh, no! We're good!" Replied Twilight, waving awkwardly.
Once Double Diamond turned his back to them, Twilight whispered to her friends.
"Fluttershy's right. If we're going to get to the bottom of why the map sent us here, we'll need the help of these ponies."
As Twilight spoke to her friends, a unicorn mare walked up to the table. She was light ceriseish gray in color with a dark greyish mane and tail, and she wore an apron over her front. As soon as Twilight stopped talking, she opened up her mouth to speak, but Applejack beat her to the punch.
"I think we ran off to the end of Equestria before we even knew what that map was!" Said Applejack a bit loudly.
"If we were at the end of Equestria, we'd be sitting on a big 'A'! (Giggles) Get it?" Asked Pinkie.
Deadpool replied by high-fiving Pinkie Pie.
"Oh, please, Miss Pie! This is hardly the time for jokes! We've come all this way and for what?" Said Rarity irritatedly.
"Maybe you're right. But we're here now, and it sure feels like something's wrong," Said Twilight.
"That and two bits'll get you a cup of cider," Added Applejack irritatedly.
"Is this a bad time?" Asked the mare politely.
"We shouldn't be bickering like this in front of our new friends. Really, Applejack, you're almost as bad as Rainbow Dash," Said Fluttershy.
"Don't drag me into this!" Shouted Rainbow.
Their argument was attracting the attention of the townsponies. Some of the adults covered little foals' ears while still smiling.
"Ladies, please, calm down. We're all friends here. We should follow the cultists' examples and be friendly with each other," Said Deadpool.
"As 'friendly' as you were with Starlight?" Asked Twilight under her breath.
"Whatcha say?" Asked Deadpool irritatedly.
"I said as 'friendly' as you were with Starlight?!"
"What's your problem?!"
"My problem is that you were flirting with a mare in front of ME! Your MAREFRIEND!"
"I was being nice to her!"
"By flirting with her?!"
"Yes! It wasn't like I was going to ask her out!"
"Maybe so, but do you have any idea how I felt seeing you hit on another mare?!"
"I-I… Uh… Er… Wow, she's got a point. I really messed up."
(It took you this long to figure it out?)
With a sigh, Deadpool grabbed Twilight's hoof, and looked her in the eyes. He removed his mask as well, his scarred features surprising but not startling anyone.
"Twilight, I'm sorry for flirting with Starlight. It wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings. I promise that if I ever flirt, it will only be with you. Will you forgive me?"
"... Thank you, Wade,"
With a smile, Twilight hugged Wade, which he reciprocated.
(Wow, apologizing in two consecutive chapters. You better be careful, because who knows if she will forgive you next time.)
Having seen the entire thing unfold, the mare who was serving them seemed very perplexed.
"So, your relationships are not ending?" Asked the mare.
"Are you crazy?! We'd never let disagreements get in the way of food!" Said Pinkie.
"Or in their case, love."
Applejack pointed towards Deadpool and Twilight. They were nuzzling each other affectionately. Rarity was wiping happy tears from her eyes while Rainbow Dash was inaudibly gagging.
"O-kay… Well, my name's Sugar Belle. What can I bring you? We have: muffins."
Not hearing any other desserts to choose from, everyone looked at her in bewilderment.
"Then I guess we'll take seven muffins," Said Twilight.
"Make that fourteen!" Everyone looked at Pinkie with deadpanned expressions. "What? I'm hungry!"
As Sugar Belle went to fill in their orders, Twilight addressed the topic at hand.
"Come on, guys. We've got to stick together. It doesn't matter what happened before, we're here now."
"I guess you're right. And the sooner we figure out why, the sooner we can go home," Reasoned Applejack.
The sound of a plate clinging against the table got the group's attention. Sugar Belle returned with a plate of muffins for them to consume.
"Forgive me for overhearing, but just a moment ago you were disagreeing, and now it sounds like you're… agreeing," Said Sugar Belle.
"Uh-huh," Replied Applejack dryly.
"Well, you had such differing opinions - and cutie marks," Said Sugar Belle.
"We have differing opinions all the time, darling," Said Rarity.
"But you look like you're friends," Said Sugar Belle.
"We are friends. A simple disagreement wouldn't change that," Said Twilight.
Overhearing what they were discussing, Double Diamond paid attention to the conversation.
"I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time understanding. Different talents lead to different opinions, which lead to bitterness and misery. So… why aren't you bitter and…?"
"Blech!"
Pinkie and Deadpool took a bite out of the muffins, and they both gagged from an awful taste coating their taste buds. They then noticed everyone staring at them.
"Mmm… good…" Said Pinkie sheepishly.
"It's alright. I know I'm not a very good baker. At least, I know I'm not any better than anypony else in the village."
Sugar Belle heard the sound of a chair being scooched back. She turned around, and saw Double Diamond getting up with a stern look in his eyes.
"Well, I… hope you enjoy our little village!" Said Sugar Belle nervously.
As Sugar Belle speed walked back inside the bakery, she whispered to the group.
"Come inside before you go! Meet me downstairs!"
As she hastily walked inside, the group were taken back by her unusual change in behavior. They looked at Double Diamond, seeing that he was looking over a menu.
"Okay, THAT was weird too," Said Rainbow.
"Did any of you notice how she acted when Double Diamond looked at her. I think he's some kind of Big Brother in this society. And I'm not talking about the TV series," Said Deadpool.
"Let's all sit here, eat these muffins and act normal. I think we're being watched," Said Twilight.
"You think?" Questioned Rainbow rhetorically.
"No, not like that! I mean somepony here doesn't want us talking to Sugar Belle," Said Twilight, discreetly pointing towards Double Diamond.
"I got an idea, but you gotta eat all of them muffins, Deadpool," Said Applejack.
"Why me?!" Asked Deadpool.
"'Cause you have a stronger stomach than any of us."
"Oh, so because I have a healing factor, it means I'm immune to food poisoning! You should have been there when I had convenience store sushi in 2014!"
"Wade, you ate rancid muffins straight from the trash," Said Twilight dryly.
(Chapter callback!)
"That was different! Those tasted like chips! These muffins taste like they were made from Satan's morning shits!"
Suddenly, Applejack grabbed Deadpool by the collar, and brought his face up to hers.
"Listen here, partner: That filly in there might be our best chance at findin' what the hay is goin' on round here. We have to get in there without drawing attention. So, take one for the team, and eat those muffins!"
"... Ugh! Fine! I'll eat these stupid muffins! But you owe me a keg of Sweet Apple Acres hard cider," Said Deadpool angrily.
(And that little display is another reason why Applejack could be Batpony: intimidation.)
Deadpool reluctantly grabbed one of the muffins and took a bite out of it.
Ten excruciating minutes later…
After what felt like a tortuous eternity, Deadpool finally ate through all of the muffins. Having done so left him with a sickly green color on his mask and his exposed mouth. With all of the muffins consumed, Applejack carried out her plan.
"I can't believe you ate all our muffins, Deadpool! We'd best go inside and get some more!" Said Applejack loudly.
As everyone got up to head inside the bakery, Twilight rubbed Deadpool's back.
"You did great, hun," Said Twilight.
"I've… accidentally drank expired milk better than that…" Said Deadpool, resisting the urge to vomit.
(I'm willing to bet… Wolverine's ass tastes better than those muffins.)
(I second that… Oh, Celestia, I don't feel so good…)
Once everyone went inside, they noticed a door towards the back of the bakery was open. On the other side was a flight of stairs that went down to the basement level. Before they took the first few steps down, Deadpool spoke up.
"Hold on, guys… How do we know nothing's going to happen when we get down there?" Asked Deadpool.
"What do you mean?" Asked Twilight.
"If there's anything I've learned from pop culture, it's that basements always mean trouble. If we go down there, we might find one of three things: It could be either A: a group of ponies waiting to ambush us. B: a monster or demonic entity that wants to kill us. Or C: a sex dungeon."
(Oh, I hope it's the third option…!)
"Everything's going to be alright, Wade. We're just meeting up with Sugar Belle," Said Twilight.
The group walked down the stairs to the basement below. There was only a single light on, hanging from the middle of the ceiling. Barely anything could be seen in the basement, the only things visible were items such as brooms and barrels.
"Hello? Sugar Belle?" Said Twilight.
"Thank you for coming!"
Sugar Belle appeared from the shadows in front of the group.
"Why did you want us to come down here?" Asked Twilight.
"So nopony could see what's about to happen."
On cue, two other ponies stepped out of the shadows, Party Favor and a pegasus mare with an azure coat and white mane by the name of Night Glider. They along with Sugar Belle walked towards the group, and everyone braced themselves for a fight.
"I knew this was a trap!" Said Deadpool.
(Sex dungeon! Sex dungeon! Sex dungeon!)
Twilight lit up her horn to attack when all three ponies stood still.
"Are you really the Princess of Friendship?" Asked Party Favor.
To everyone's surprise, all three ponies asked various questions while also excitedly conversing with each other.
"Do you know Princess Celestia?" Asked Night Glider.
"I love your cutie mark!" Said Sugar Belle.
"How can you be friends with different cutie marks? Don't you end up hating each other?" Asked Night Glider.
"So, this is not a trap of some sort?" Asked Deadpool.
"Of course not," Said Sugar Belle.
(Aw, man! And here I was thinking we were going to get our balls fondled while wearing assless chaps!)
(This blows!)
"All of your cutie marks are great! I'd love to have my special talent back even just for a day! Make something besides those disgusting muffins…" Said Sugar Belle depressingly.
"So, what's stopping you? Go get your cutie marks back," Said Rainbow.
"Daydreaming is one thing, but you mean actually having it put back on? That seems extreme," Said Party Favor.
"I'm not sure Starlight would like that. She wants us all to be happy in our sameness," Said Sugar Belle.
"How do you take somepony's cutie mark anyway?" Asked Twilight.
"Think of that one episode of "The Irregulars" but with cutie marks instead of faces," Answered Deadpool.
(You are a very disturbed pony!)
"It took you this long to figure it out?"
"The cutie unmarking is a beautiful experience! Starlight uses the Staff of Sameness to magically take them away and replace them with these," Said Night Glider while pointing at the equal sign cutie mark on her flank.
"The Staff of Sameness? What a stupid name for a staff," Said Deadpool.
"But nopony should keep you from your cutie mark. It represents such an essential part of who you are," Said Twilight.
"Oh, we're not kept from them. They're in the vault up in the caves. We can visit them any time we like to remind us of the heartache of a life with special talents."
"Can we visit this cave?"
Just as soon as Twilight asked her question, the room was filled with gurgling sounds. They were coming from Deadpool, who clutched his abdomen in pain.
"Oh Nelly…!"
"Wade, are you feeling alright?" Asked Twilight.
"Um… Before we even think of visiting that cave, I need to pay a visit to the little colt's room. Is there one here?" Asked Deadpool painfully.
"There is one on the main floor to the right," Answered Sugar Belle.
"Good, 'cause those muffins are coming back with a vengeance!"
Wade frantically ran upstairs on his hind legs while grabbing his ass. The awkward silence in the basement was quickly replaced by a sound from upstairs.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"
Twilight involuntarily smacked her forehead while everyone else looked disgusted. A few minutes later, the group of friends were following Starlight Glimmer away from town. They were following an old beaten path to a cave. Double Diamond tagged along as well, following from behind.
"I'm delighted you're interested in our cutie mark vault. We hope someday every pony in Equestria will make a pilgrimage here to our little village to have theirs removed too, and our message of perfectly equal friendship can finally spread across the land," Said Starlight.
"This must be the reason we're here," Said Twilight in a hushed tone.
"Pilgrimaging?" Questioned Pinkie.
"No, helping those ponies get their cutie marks back," Said Twilight.
"Oh, are you sure, Twilight? Maybe they miss them a little, but even they didn't seem all that unhappy," Said Fluttershy.
"Then why did they want to meet us in secret? And why did they ask us not to tell Starlight who told us about the vault? Something's not right," Said Twilight.
(Hey, that rhymed!)
"Just through here!"
Starlight pointed towards the entrance of the cave. Once she directed everyone inside, she revealed what they came to see.
"Behold, our cutie mark vault!"
Everyone's jaws dropped at the sight before them. Before them stood a large rectangular vault made up of glass display cases, containing a large collection of the villagers' former cutie marks. In front of the vault stood a two-pronged wooden staff on a stone pedestal.
"Okay, despite being body marks from a children's show, seeing cutie marks displayed in such a way is actually very disturbing," Said Deadpool quietly.
(It's almost like a trophy case.)
"I've never seen anything like it!" Said Twilight in shock.
Starlight Glimmer grabbed the staff with her magic, and showed it to the group.
"And here is the Staff of Sameness. It was one of the great Mage Meadowbrook's nine enchanted items. We are incredibly fortunate to have it here. This is the tool that allows us to free ourselves from our marks! I'm curious - how did the subject of the vault come up?" Asked Starlight.
"Oh, some ponies were telling us how much they missed their cutie marks, and-"
"Pinkie!" Said Twilight sternly.
"Oops…"
"(Gasps) Were they? Well, it seems you inspire all sorts of free thinking, don't you?" Questioned Starlight irritatedly.
"Well, w-we certainly didn't intend to cause any disruptions to your charming little-"
"Good." Before Rarity could finish, Starlight got uncomfortably close to her face. "Let's just make sure of that, shall we?"
Rarity tried to back away, but she bumped into Double Diamond. The group of heroes stood close together to fend themselves, with Deadpool pulling out his pistols. They quickly realized they were heavily outnumbered when the entire population of the village appeared from the shadows. They surrounded them from all sides, making escape all but impossible.
"It's a trap!" Said Twilight.
(Star Wars quote!)
Twilight teleported up towards the roof of the cave, and charged up a magical blast. Before she could unleash her attack, Starlight Glimmer used the staff to envelop her in magic. With a wicked grin, she forced her to stay still. Suddenly, Twilight felt sharp pain on her flank. To her and her friends' horror, the magic from the staff was tearing off her cutie mark. Crying out in pain, her cutie mark came off her flank like a band-aid but way more painful. Her detached cutie mark levitated in between the staff's two prongs before being tossed into a display case. An equal sign cutie mark replaced her former cutie mark, and her colors faded. She then fell to the ground.
"You are going to get it now, bitch!"
Deadpool ran towards Starlight while firing bursts of magical energy from his guns. She managed to dodge them, but she didn't react fast enough to avoid being grabbed by the throat. He forcefully slammed her into the cutie mark vault, causing her to drop the staff.
"You are a better fighter than you look," Said Starlight.
"That is what everyone says. Now, give Twilight her cutie mark back," Demanded Deadpool.
"Listen to reason, Deadpool. Cutie marks give a false sense of superiority to those who possess them. They think that just because they possess special talents that few or nopony else possess means that they are better than everypony. Think back to when you were a school colt. Were you teased by others for not having a cutie mark yet?"
"Yes."
"See? Cutie marks divide us, not bring us together. If we were all to give up our cutie marks, our 'special talents', we would all be unified in true friendship and harmony. Twilight will see that in time, and so will you and your friends."
Deadpool thought over everything Starlight explained to him, but then tightened his grip. With one hoof, he was strangling Starlight.
"Listen very closely: With the current amount of pressure I am applying on your throat, I can strangle you till your face turns a shade of purple that stands out from your coat, or I can snap your neck. If you want to live, you will give Twilight her cutie mark back. I would weigh your options if I were you, because I can imagine it would be difficult for you to lead your cult town from down in the depths of Hell."
"... Regardless of what happens… I know that I have very loyal friends."
Suddenly, Deadpool found himself grabbed by his free foreleg by Double Diamond. He punched him in the face, and tried to continue his assault on Starlight, but another pony grabbed him. Double Diamond swiftly grabbed him, then six more ponies grabbed him. He tried to overpower his captors, but not even his enhanced strength could break him free, at least not without hurting the innocent civilians that were acting under Starlight's will. He was forcefully dragged back towards his friends. They were about to rush Starlight when she grabbed the staff and captured them along with Deadpool in its magic.
In quick succession, all of their cutie marks were removed and placed in the cutie vault, their colors faded and equal signs on their flanks. To add insult to injury, Starlight tore off fabric from Deadpool's suit with his logo where his cutie mark was located and shred them to pieces. Twilight finally had enough strength to get up from the earth, and her friends rushed to her.
"Aw. I don't blame you for what you tried to do here today. You've spent your whole lives thinking those marks are a good thing," Said Starlight.
"Give them back!" Demanded Twilight.
"Well, now you can spend the rest of your lives here with us! And we'll teach you just how much better life can be without your cutie marks!"
As Starlight went to place the staff back on the stone pedestal, the villagers stood around the heroes, forming an equal sign.
To be continued…
Hey everyone! Hoped you all enjoyed part one of the first chapter of the season five arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season premiere episode "The Cutie Map"! Will our heroes defeat Starlight Glimmer? Will they reclaim their cutie marks? And will they be able to free the villagers from Starlight's influence? Be sure to stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and (at the time of posting this chapter) have a Happy Easter!