KNOCK! KNOCK!
It was early in the morning. The sun was just rising, creating a beautiful sunrise of orange and light blue across the horizon. Deadpool was already up. He was on the doorstep of Sugarcube Corner, knocking on the front door. The door opened, revealing Pinkie Pie on the other side. Even though it was the crack of dawn, she had a smile on her face and was radiating with energy.
"Morning Wade!" Greeted Pinkie Pie.
"Morning Pinkie. I just got your message. You said you need my help with something?" Questioned Deadpool.
"Yup! I need help carrying Twilight back to the castle," Answered Pinkie.
"Wait, Twilight's here? I was wondering where she's been. I hadn't seen her since yesterday afternoon," Said Deadpool.
"She came here last night after helping Fluttershy with bathing all of her animals. And I mean ALL of her animals! When she came here last night, I saw how dirty she was from cleaning the animals. You should have seen her! She was coated in SO much mud! Her mane, fur, tail, ALL of it was covered in mud! So, I asked her, 'Hey, Twilight, don't you want to run back to the castle and take a bath?' She got tense. Like SUPER tense! As in the kind of tense that you get when you have a very secret-y secret! Then she said 'I'm good, Pinkie. I'll just quickly wash my face and hooves, then I'll help you with making pancakes'."
"I thought that was strange, considering the fact that I was supposed to make the pancakes on my own, but who am I to turn down a friend who wants to help me?! So we baked all night, making pancakes. They were all so good, but we couldn't decide on which kind to give to our friends! So, we decided to use ALL of the toppings! After that, Twilight fell asleep in the kitchen. I tried to carry her myself, but carrying a sleeping pony is awkward. So, that's why I decided to contact you for help."
After trying to comprehend everything Pinkie told him, Deadpool raised his front hooves to message his temples.
"Wow… And I thought I had a mouth. I need an aspirin when we get back to the castle. Show me where Twilight is, and I'll help get her home," Said Deadpool.
Pinkie Pie directed him to Sugarcube Corner's kitchen. Once inside, the first thing he saw was Twilight. His marefriend was asleep, leaning against a counter for support. Her face was on its left side, resting against the countertop. She had patches of mud, fruit juices, and pancake batter scattered across her body. The kitchen was filled with the sound of her light snoring.
"Aw! She's so cute when she snores! Okay, you hold her left, I will hold her right and head," Said Deadpool.
Pinkie Pie did as she was instructed. She draped her friend's left foreleg around her shoulders. Deadpool did the same with the opposite leg, as well as resting her head against his shoulder for support.
"This is so much easier with your assistance!" Said Pinkie.
"Mm-hmm. It's too bad I'm not bipedal. I could carry her in my muscular toned arms, which foals fall asleep in on contact," Said Deadpool arrogantly.
Deadpool and Pinkie carefully guided Twilight through the kitchen and the main lobby. Just as they were about to reach the front door, Pinkie failed to notice her pet baby alligator, Gummy, standing blanklessly in front of her.
"Oops!" Cried Pinkie.
"Whoa!" Cried Deadpool.
THUD!
CRASH!
Pinkie ended up tripping over Gummy. She, Deadpool, and Twilight fell forwards, causing the door to open. They fell down the small flight of stairs before landing on the ground. Shaking their heads, Deadpool and Pinkie saw that they landed facing each other. Their muzzles were practically touching. As for Twilight, she somehow had not woken up. Her front half was resting on Deadpool's back while her bottom half dangled in front of him. Realizing their predicament, and some ponies staring at them, both the hero and party pony blushed in embarrassment.
(This is hot.)
"Shut up!" Said Deadpool to himself.
"Yeah! Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself, disembodied voice!" Added Pinkie sternly.
(Uh… How did she hear me…?)
(I don't know…)
One hour later…
Deadpool and Pinkie returned to the Castle of Friendship. They met up with the rest of their friends in an expansive dining room. They all gathered around a large golden table, where they all ate pancakes. The pancakes were topped with whipped cream, various berries, and chocolate and peanut butter chips.
"Mm! These are delicious, Pinkie Pie!" Said Applejack.
"Thanks!" Pinkie Pie took a quick second to remove whipped cream from her face with one lick of her tongue. "Twilight spent all night helping me pick the flavor! I kept thinking we'd found the right one, but she insisted that I make even more to try! And more. And more and more and more and more! It was like she never wanted to-"
"Leave?" Guessed Fluttershy.
"Exactly! Eventually we ran out of time, so we just went with every-berry-any-chip surprise!" Pinkie leaned over to Rarity and whispered. "The surprise is I lost a measuring spoon in the batter. Somepony's gonna get a very special pancake!"
"Up all night, huh? Is that why she's so, uh… out of it?"
Rainbow Dash pointed at Twilight. She was asleep in her chair, and her mane and tail were still disheveled, even though her body was now clean.
"Um, I don't mean to sound unappreciative, but has anypony else noticed that Twilight has been a little too helpful lately?" Asked Fluttershy.
"Now that you mention it, she was lendin' a hoof at Sweet Apple Acres the other day and stuck around 'til near midnight. Dug up fifty tree-plantin' holes when all I needed was ten," Said Applejack.
"She spent an entire afternoon rearranging a single gem drawer at the boutique. An entire afternoon!" Added Rarity.
"You think that's weird?" Asked Rainbow Dash. "She raced me, like, a hundred times the other day. And lost every time! She just kept going! Best out of ten, best out of twenty, best out of a hundred! I mean, I know hanging out with me is awesome, but it was like she'd rather keep losing than-"
"Leave?" Guessed Fluttershy.
"Yeah. Who does that?" Pondered Rainbow.
"Somepony who's avoidin' somethin', that's who. Soon as she wakes up, we're gonna find out what," Said Applejack.
While Twilight's friends were conversing with each other, Deadpool was secretly under the table. He pulled out a can of whipped cream, and sprayed a small amount in one of Twilight's front hooves.
"As soon as she wakes up.' Huh, AJ? Well, this will surely wake her up," Said Deadpool mischievously.
(This is gonna be so hilarious!)
(I don't recommend doing this. As soon as she finds out it was us, she won't be pleased to say the least.)
"I have a plan."
PLUCK!
"Ow!"
Deadpool secretly plucked one of Rainbow Dash's feathers from her wings. He then crawled back to Twilight, and reached up towards her face. With the tip of Rainbow Dash's blue feather, he tickled Twilight's nose. Her nose scrunched up in irritation, and she raised her hoof that had whipped cream on it.
SPLAT!
In her sleep, Twilight smacked her nose, covering her entire face in whipped cream. This instantly woke her up, coughing up little bits of cream that entered her airways through her nose. Deadpool, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically at her expense. Rarity on the other hand passed her a cloth napkin to wipe her face off with.
"Okay, which one of you three did it?" Asked Twilight sternly.
The three friends stopped laughing, and passed looks of confusion between each other.
"Why do you think it was one of us?" Asked Pinkie.
"Because you three are the pranksters of our social circle," Answered Twilight.
"Uh, it was Rainbow Dash!" Said Deadpool while pointing at his friend.
"What?! I didn't do it!" Said Rainbow irratatedly.
"Care to explain this, then?"
Twilight used her magic to reveal Rainbow Dash's feather, which was lying on the ground. Seeing her own feather made Rainbow sweat nervously.
"What?! But I didn't-"
"And what about the can of whipped cream in your hoof?" Questioned Deadpool.
Looking down at her hoof, Rainbow Dash saw in utter disbelief that she was holding the item in question.
"What?! But how did…? I couldn't-"
"Guilty!" Cried Pinkie while using a rubber chicken as a gabble.
"I swear I didn't do it! I was framed! Framed I tell you!" Said Rainbow defensively.
"We can debate about this later. Right now, we have something more important to discuss," Said Applejack.
All of Twilight's friends looked at her in unison.
"What?" Asked Twilight.
"Is there somethin' you wanna tell us?" Asked Applejack.
"You know how much we appreciate all you do for us, and we simply adore having you around… but… we worry you might be… ahem… avoiding something else," Said Rarity.
Twilight looked hesitant about giving an answer. She felt a hoof on her shoulder, and saw that it was her coltfriend's.
"You've hardly been in the castle for the past few days. I'm worried about you. We all are. We just want to know what's on your mind," Said Deadpool.
"... Oh, has it been that obvious?" Asked Twilight glumly.
All of her friends answered her by nodding their heads.
"I've been… The thing is… I know it's silly, but I… I've been avoiding this place."
"(Gasp) Why in Equestria would you want to avoid such a goregeous castle?!" Asked Rarity in shock.
"Yeah, this place has everything! Big tall ceilings that make you feel tiny! Shiny new floors that are cold to the touch! Brrr! And it even has loooong empty hallways!"
As if to emphasize her point, Pinkie's voice echoed throughout one of the castle's hallways.
"Okay, I get it," Said Pinkie.
"The castle is amazing, but it just… (Sigh) It doesn't feel like home," Said Twilight glumly.
"(Chuckles) Oh, is that all? Why, you simply need to decorate, darling. Make this space your own!" Said Rarity.
"It's just so daunting! Look how big it is! I-I don't even know where to start!"
"You can start by letting us do it for you. We will make this the castle of your dreams while you go to the Ponyville spa for some much needed rest and relaxation; my treat. I'm saying this with love, but…"
Rarity lifted up a hoof mirror for Twilight to look at her reflection.
"Have you looked in a mirror lately? I've never seen you look this… mmmm…"
"Frazzled?" Suggested Fluttershy.
"Yes! That is absolutely the word I was going to use," Said Rarity.
"I can smell that bullshit from over here," Thought Deadpool to himself.
"Ooh, I guess I do need a little help. And so does my castle. And I just know you'll do a great job, because nopony knows me better than you," Said Twilight.
Twilight saw Deadpool come within her line of sight, drawing attention to himself.
"You're a different case," Said Twilight while rolling her eyes.
"I have a proposal. What if I were to tag along? Think about it: You and me out on the town. Alone," Said Deadpool.
Hearing Deadpool's proposal made Rarity shudder.
"I saw that!" Said Deadpool annoyedly.
"That actually sounds like it could be fun," Said Twilight.
"See? Go ahead and have breakfast, and then we can go to the spa."
"Oh, no! Did I miss the pancakes?!"
Everyone turned to see Spike running to the table. He looked like he had just woken up, and he dropped a teal-colored blanket onto the floor. He climbed onto the table to reach for a stack of pancakes that was left out for him.
"I sleep like a baby under that cold, cavernous ceiling," Said Spike.
"Spike, I'm so glad you're here!" Said Rarity.
"Really?"
"Yes! When you've had your fill of pancakes, we're going to need your help with decorating the castle while Twilight and Wade are out."
"Anything for you, Rarity…! I mean, I'm happy to help all of you."
When Spike's back was turned, Deadpool made a mock impression of a love-smitten Spike, then made a whipping motion with his arm. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie took a bite out of one of her pancakes. When she swallowed, something large got lodged in her throat. She coughed repeatedly, which caught her friends' attention.
"Pinkie, are you alright?" Asked Rainbow.
Unable to speak, Pinkie responded by grabbing her throat with both of her front hooves - the universal choking sign.
"She's choking!" Said Twilight in shock.
Acting quickly, Deadpool rushed over behind Pinkie. He raised her up on her hindlegs, then bent her over at the waist, so her upper body was parallel to the floor. He then used his hoof to deliver five separate back blows between her shoulder blades. When this didn't dislodge the foreign object in her throat, he then performed five abdominal thrusts. He alternated between back blows and abdominal thrusts, but the object wouldn't budge.
"Come on! … Screw it! If this doesn't work, I'm suing Nickelodeon! Breathe darn you!"
POW!
Deadpool punched Pinkie Pie directly in the stomach. The impact caused her to cough up the foreign object. It flew across the room, and hit poor Fluttershy in the forehead. It then bounced onto the table, where everyone saw it was the measuring spoon Pinkie had mentioned earlier. Everyone in the room stared at it in shock, while Pinkie took deep breaths to replenish her oxygen supply.
"... I win!" Cried Pinkie rather victoriously.
A few minutes later…
Deadpool and Twilight arrived at the Ponyville Day Spa. The building's external appearance consisted of pale yellow walls, a flashy bluish-green fuchsia roof, and a red door with a dark yellow sign of a mare with a wavy gold mane and tail hanging from above.
Upon entering the spa, the walls consisted of various shades of purple, pink, and yellow. Various furniture pieces could be found within a large room, including a large jacuzzi, the entrance to a sauna, and massage tables. As soon as Twilight and Deadpool stepped into the spa, they were greeted by two earth pony mares. They were both nearly identical twins, with the main difference being one has a blue coat and a pink mane and tail, while the other has a pink coat and a blue mane and tail. They both even shared the same cutie mark of a lotus blossom.
"Hello, Princess Twilight!" Greeted the blue mare, speaking with a Steedish accent.
"Hi Lotus! Hi Aloe! Do you have room for two?" Asked Twilight.
"Of course! We always have room for you and your friends!" Said Lotus.
"Oh! Pardon me, Princess, but is this the coltfriend we've heard about from Rarity?" Asked Aloe while pointing at Deadpool.
"Yes he is. Aloe. Lotus. This is Wade Wilson."
As Twilight gestured towards Deadpool, she found that her coltfriend had let the attention get to his head. He was doing various poses to show off his muscles while boastfully smiling. The two spa ponies laughed while Twilight rolled her eyes.
(Phew! Is it hot in here because of the sauna, or becasue of them?)
(Don't forget who we came here with, playboy.)
"So, what could we offer you today… or do I have to ask?"
Lotus pointed at Twilight's mane, which still had mud and sticks in it. Twilight scratched the back of her head while smiling sheepishly.
"Uh, yeah. I was hoping you could do something for my mane," Said Twilight sheepishly.
"No offense, Princess, but what happened to it?" Asked Aloe.
"Oh, it's a long story. Do you have any suggestions for what I should do with my mane?" Asked Twilight.
"How about the super-deluxe mane blow-out? Aside from a thorough washing, we will also stylize your mane to the current trend."
([Snort!] She said blow!)
"Hmm… That sounds nice. I'll have one of those, please."
"Excellent! Follow me right this way."
Aloe directed Twilight over to a mane washing station. Deadpool was about to go find a seat when Lotus cleared her throat to get his attention.
"Is there anything we can do for you, Mr. Wilson?" Asked Lotus.
"Uh…"
CLOP!
Deadpool heard the sound of one of his front hooves clopping against the spa floor. From this, an idea popped into his head.
"I'll have a hooficure. No paint or polish, please," Said Deadpool.
Nodding her head in conformation, Lotus directed Deadpool to a reclining chair.
Forty-five minutes later…
After several minutes, Deadpool's manicure was coming to an end. Lotus was filing the edge of his left front hoof. Once she was done, she handed Deadpool his gloves.
"All done, Mr. Wilson. I hope your hooficure was to your liking," Said Lotus.
Deadpool got up from his chair and inspected all four of his hooves. There was no sign of nonliving tissue, and his hooves were perfectly shaped. The tips of his hooves even seemed to shine.
"Wow! These look great! I almost feel bad for wanting to put my gloves and boots back on."
Deadpool reached into one of his suit's many pockets, and pulled out two bits. He gave them to Lotus as a tip. He then put on his gloves and boots.
(That was so emasculating.)
(Emasculating? You're the one who sings to Katy Perry.)
(Hey! Have you listened to "Roar"? KP is one of the most inspirational artists of our time!)
"Settle down you two. Let's check in on Twilight."
Before he could take two steps, a letter magically appeared in front of him.
"A letter? Must be from our friends."
Deadpool grabbed the letter and quickly read it.
Wade,
This is Spike. Do NOT bring Twilight home yet! The castle is a complete mess, and we need to tidy up before a second attempt at redecorating. Rarity says to stall Twilight until about sunset.
Sincerely, Spike.
"Seriously? What kind of mess did they make in the castle that I have to stall Twilight until sunset?" Pondered Deadpool.
(Simple answer: A clusterfuck.)
"I can do this. I am the master of tricking and stalling ponies after all."
Deadpool walked over to the other side of the room. Twilight was sitting on a dryer chair in front of a mirror. Her tail was cleaned and groomed while the top of her head was covered by the drying hood.
"Hey, Twilight," Greeted Deadpool.
"Hi, Wade!"
At that moment, her mane finished drying. Twilight used her magic to lift up the hood, revealing her new manestyle. Her mane was stylized to have long bangs in the front, and spiky in the back reminiscent of some punk manestyles. As soon as her coltfriend saw it, his jaw dropped to the floor.
"How do I look?" Asked Twilight.
(On a scale of one to ten: Titillating!)
"You look great! Your bangs kind of look similar to Nicky Marotta's," Said Deadpool.
"Who's that?" Asked Twilight.
"Nopony…"
"Okay then… How about we head home and check on the progress our friends made?"
Before Twilight could get far, Deadpool stopped her by grabbing her shoulder.
"Wait! I'm sure our friends are doing just fine decorating the castle. Let's enjoy ourselves while we don't have a grand adventure to go on. We should get massages. I was thinking about getting, uh, this one!"
Deadpool grabbed a brochure and (without looking) pointed towards a particular massage option.
"You want the 'Extra-strength-hot-stone-deep-tissue massage'?" Questioned Twilight while reading the brochure.
"Yep! I have lots of tension in my back," Said Deadpool.
(Tension caused by years of banging babes!)
(You should be grateful that she cannot hear you, otherwise she would smack us senseless.)
"Well, I think I'll just have a traditional massage, but you go for it," Said Twilight with a sly grin.
(Why is she smiling like that?)
"Did somepony order massages?" Asked Aloe.
CRASH!
Suddenly, something crashed through one of the spa's walls. When the dust settled, the source of the crash was revealed to be a very large pegasus stallion. He wore a spa uniform over his white coat of fur, had a short dirty-blond mane and tail, a barbell cutie mark, and intense red eyes. Ripped wouldn't even begin to describe his physique. His body was so swole that his wings appeared to be vestigial.
"Yeah! Who ordered the Extra-strength-hot-stone-deep-tissue massage?" Asked the stallion.
Upon seeing the stallion who would be his masseur, Deadpool's pupils were reduced to the size of pin pricks.
"Mother…"
Several minutes later…
Twilight stood outside the Ponyville Day Spa. She sighed blissfully as she felt that her muscles were much more relaxed after her massage.
"Great suggestion, Wade. I feel totally relaxed," Said Twilight with a smirk.
"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow…"
Deadpool's massage was not so relaxing. His joints were dislocated as a result of the massage. Every step he took caused his joints to pop, and burning pain pulsated throughout his body.
"You knew!" Said Deadpool irritatedly.
"Yup," Said Twilight.
"Bitch," Muttered Deadpool.
"You still love me," Sing-songed Twilight.
"Of course I still love you."
POP! POP! POP!
Deadpool's healing factor finally started to work. His joints popped back in alignment, causing him to curse under his breath.
"Ahh! I think one of my knees was in my rectum!" Said Deadpool painfully.
(...)
"Have nothing to say?"
(... I never want a massage from Bulk Biceps ever again…)
Deadpool looked up to the sky, looking for the sun. He saw that the sun was starting to go down, but sunset wouldn't be for another couple hours.
"It's a nice day today. How about we take the scenic route home?" Suggested Deadpool.
"Are you sure? I'd hate for you to fall into a manhole because you weren't paying attention," Said Twilight teasingly.
"Oh, ha ha. Very funny. I just want you to enjoy yourself for a few more moments before returning to the castle."
"Hmm… Alright. Lead the way."
With Deadpool taking the lead, the two ponies began their scenic route back to the Castle of Friendship. Several minutes later, the couple were walking down one of Ponyville's dirt roads. There weren't any other ponies out on the streets, creating a quiet, calm atmosphere. The only sound that could be heard was the crunching of dirt under their hooves. The sight of the various homes, structures, and flower beds and other natural decorations brought smiles to their faces.
"I'm glad I came to Ponyville," Said Deadpool.
"Me too. Ponyville is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I've met lots of friendly faces here, and this is where I met our friends. I couldn't imagine where I would be now if Celestia never sent me here," Said Twilight.
Deadpool nodded his head in agreement.
"I came to Ponyville because I wanted to turn my life around. It hasn't been easy, but I'm finally gaining some respect and have made many friends. And I've met the best pony in the world," Said Deadpool affectionately.
Twilight giggled affectionately. She and Deadpool nuzzled each other, then kissed. They then continued their walk. But as they turned a corner, they saw something all too familiar to them. Lying ahead of them was the remains of the Golden Oak Library. What remained of the tree was scorched black and the plant life that grew on and around the tree were wilted due to intense heat exposure. Seeing the sight of their former home destroyed pained both of them.
"(Sigh) I really miss this place, Wade. We had so many wonderful memories here," Said Twilight glumly.
"We did, didn't we…?"
Deadpool and Twilight continued to look at the Golden Oak Library. Visiting the Golden Oak Library was bittersweet to them. On the one hand, visiting the library brought back fond memories, such as organizing the library's extensive book collection, gatherings with friends, and quiet nights gazing at the stars. But on the other hand, visiting brought back the memory of Lord Tirek destroying the library while pursuing Twilight to acquire the alicorn magic, and that that they could no longer live there.
"... I don't understand."
"Hm?" Said Deadpool.
"I said I don't understand. Just… Why?" Pondered Twilight glumly.
"Tirek was a power thirsty person, Twilight. He was willing to do whatever it took to acquire all the magic he could get his hands on. He was even willing to commit murder without a second thought as evidenced by what he did to me."
"No, it's not that. What I don't understand is why we were given the castle instead of the library back."
"I don't follow."
"If the Tree of Harmony was able to create an entire castle with its magic, then it should be reasonable to assume that it could have restored the library."
"I guess it could. If something can turn a small chest into an entire freakin' castle, then it should have enough power to repair a home like some kind of magical fantasy parody of "Fixer Upper".
"Yeah, so why didn't it?"
(Commercialism.)
Twilight sat down on her haunches, leaning her back against the charred trunk of the tree. Wade sat down next to her, and wrapped a comforting arm around her. Twilight's eyes watered up.
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding the castle. I am glad that we have it, and it's certainly better to live there than to ask one of our friends if they could spare any room for us. But I couldn't find it within myself to stay somewhere that doesn't feel like home. I appreciate our friends trying to help, but I feel like I won't be able to feel comfortable living there."
"I miss our home, Wade. It was where Celestia arranged for me and Spike to stay while I was tasked to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, then arranged for us to live there when I didn't want to leave my friends. It was where I carried out my studies on the magic of friendship, and, of course, it was a library! It's only like every reader's dream to live in one! I want to move on, but so many memories were created here, and I just can't seem to let it go," Said Twilight tearfully.
"I miss it too, Twilight. During my first few years as Deadpool, I barely stayed in one place for long. Even if I did, I would live in apartments that barely met public health and safety standards. Added with the fact that I came from a dysfunctional family, I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. But after you let me stay here, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere," Said Wade.
"And as you said, this place has so many memories. Quiet weekends binge-reading comics, rigging various spots like the bookshelves to play elaborate pranks… We even shared a kiss here out front after our first date. It may take a while longer before you can, but I know that given time and help from me and our friends, you will be able to move on while still allowing yourself to hold on to the memory of the Golden Oak Library."
"How have you been able to cope with living in a new home?" Asked Twilight.
"Well, I was able to live in the castle because I had an epiphany after losing the library. You see, a home can be anything. It can be a big ol' mansion in the countryside, a two floor house in the suburbs, hell, it could even be a dwelling built into the side of a hill inhabited by small fictional people. What really makes a home a home, is the people you live with," Said Wade.
"After living with you and Spike for over a year now, I've felt more at home than at any other point in my life. I could be anywhere in the world, but as long as I have you by my side, I am home."
Wade watched as a smile finally found its way onto Twilight's face and she grew teary-eyed from his touching words. She then hugged him, which he happily reciprocated.
"Thank you, Wade. I needed that reminder of the true meaning of home," Said Twilight.
"You're welcome, Twi."
As both ponies embraced each other, Deadpool looked up towards the sky to keep track of the sun's position. It was close to the horizon, sunset would be less than an hour away. Looking at the charred trunk of the Golden Oak Library, he came up with an idea that he knew would keep Twilight preoccupied for the next hour.
"Hey, Twi?" Said Deadpool.
"Hmm?"
"There's one more place I would like to take you before we head back to the castle."
"Where?"
A few minutes later…
"EEEEEEEEKKKK!"
After visiting the library, Deadpool took Twilight to one of her favorite places in Ponyville, the local bookstore. It was small, but there were plenty of shelves lined with various books of many sizes, covers, and generes. Being in the presence of so many books caused Twilight to squeal in joy.
"Not a bad idea, right?" Asked Deadpool rhetorically.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Said Twilight graciously.
"(Chuckles) Go find yourself a couple books to add to your collection; they're on me. I'm gonna go check in on our friends, but I will be back in time to-"
Deadpool realized that Twilight was gone. It didn't take him long to find that she was scouring through one of the bookshelves towards the back of the store.
"Hopefully when I come back she does make a decision. I'd hate for us to end up staying here past closing time and get kicked out… again," Said Deadpool to himself.
(I never met someone with such a strong case of bibliophilia as Twilight.)
(What-io philia?)
(Bibliophilia. The love of books.)
(... She fucks books?)
(Not THAT kind of philia.)
"Come on. Let's go see if our friends have managed to clean up their mess and succeeded with redecorating the castle."
A few minutes later…
Deadpool was making his way back to the Castle of Friendship. He was passing by the Golden Oak Library when he heard digging sounds coming from the burnt tree. He looked towards the direction of the library, and found Applejack and Fluttershy digging around it. They were assisted by some of Fluttershy's animal friends, including rabbits, badgers, and armadillos.
"Hey gals. Uh, what are you doing?" Asked Deadpool worriedly.
"Hey Wade. We're just diggin' up the roots of the ol' library," Said Applejack.
"Okay, here's another question: Why are you digging up the roots of Twilight's beloved old home?!" Asked Deadpool.
"AJ came up with an idea of making a chandelier with the roots and attaching gems depicting memorable moments of Twilight's life here in Ponyville," Explained Fluttershy.
"Hmm… That actually sounds like a brilliant idea. I presume it is better than what you all originally did."
Applejack and Fluttershy bit their bottom lips. The latter walked over and gave Deadpool a photo.
"Yeah, we kind of went overboard by decorating the castle with stuff that would make us comfortable and not Twilight. Pinkie said to give this to you so you would see for yourself," Said Fluttershy.
Deadpool looked at the photo and did a double take. The throne room was littered with crates of apples, a variety of animals, balloons, Wonderbolts memorabilia, embroidered curtains, and a large painting of Twilight and the rest of her friends. Deadpool rubbed his eyes to see if he was seeing things, but he saw to his dismay that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.
"Looks like Serious was right in that you all turned the throne room into a clusterfuck," Said Deadpool in disbelief.
"Yeah, we got carried away," Said Applejack sheepishly.
"Well, Twilight's distracted with choosing some new books. If you have a spare shovel, I could assist you two before meeting back up with her," Said Deadpool.
"Sure thing, partner!"
Applejack tossed a shovel to Wade, and they began the process of excavating the library's roots. Deadpool scooped up a couple shovel's worth of dirt when he heard something fall to the ground. He looked to his right, and found a large branch. Picking it up, he noticed that unlike the majority of the tree, the bark was not scorched. It even bore a cluster of oak leaves.
(Would you look at that! Looks like a part of the tree above ground did survive Tirek's wrath.)
"Wow… I'm going to hold onto this. I think I have an idea of what I can do with it," Said Deadpool.
One hour later…
After giving a helping hoof with digging out the roots of the Golden Oak library and transporting them to the castle, Deadpool returned to the bookstore to meet up with Twilight. The sun was finally starting to set, so he planned on bringing her back to the castle. As soon as he stepped inside, he saw Twilight's distinctive new manestyle poking out from above one of the bookshelves.
"Hey, Twi. Are you ready to go?" Asked Deadpool.
"Yup! I've finally come to a decision on what I want," Replied Twilight.
"Great, let's get to the…"
As Twilight stepped out from behind the shelf, Deadpool's jaw dropped. Twilight was carrying a stack of books about as tall as one of her legs with her magic. She was beaming with joy.
"Uh, Twilight. I love you, and I'm willing to pay for a new book or two, but that many books is going to be expensive," Said Deadpool.
"I was hoping we could split," Said Twilight with a grin.
"That's nice and all, but even so, that would mean both of us would have to pay seventy-five bits."
"Please…?"
Twilight gave Deadpool her best puppy-dog eyes, and they were working.
"Ugh, those eyes…" Said Deadpool, his voice strained.
(Don't give in, brother! Funds before hoes!)
"... (Sigh) Okay. Rarity did pay for the spa trip, so I suppose we can split the price for your books," Said Deadpool with an affectionate smile.
"Yay!" Cheered Twilight sweetly.
"I know you're going to read them, so it won't be a waste of money. In fact, I am willing to bet that you will get through all your books by next week."
(No! No bets! We can't lose any more bits! [Sob] You fuckin' fool!)
(Speaking of fools, can we get the onomatopoeia for a cracking whip, author?)
Uh, why?
(Because we need to make this go full circle for what Wade did to Spike behind his back earlier in the chapter.)
Oh. Sure, why not?
WHAAHH-PSSH!
After purchasing Twilight's new books, both she and Deadpool made their way back to the Castle of Friendship. As soon as they arrived, Deadpool opened the front door for Twilight.
"Hello? We're home!" Said Twilight.
"Welcome home!"
Twilight and Deadpool's friends ran up to the entrance to greet them. They took notice of the former's wild new manestyle.
"Twilight. Your mane," Said Fluttershy.
"Lotus and Aloe stylized it for me. Do you guys like it?" Asked Twilight.
All of Twilight's friends (except for a certain fashionista) said yes in unison. Rarity was about to speak her mind when she saw Deadpool quietly getting her attention. He pointed towards her, then mimed suggestively that he would slam her into the ground. He pretended to hold something in his hooves, then beat the spot he implied he would toss her. He then dragged the tip of his hoof over his neck, suggesting that he would slice her throat. He then pretended to dig a hole, tossed her inside, and lit a match and tossed it in said hole.
By the time he was done with getting his point across, Rarity closed her mouth in fear. Noticing her friend was terrified, Twilight looked behind her. She only saw Deadpool whistling to himself. Setting aside her suspicions, she walked down the castle's hallways with her friends behind her. She noticed that the hallways had the same decorations as when she left earlier today.
"Oh, I, uh… love what you've done with the place. You did such a good job of… preserving the integrity of the original design," Said Twilight.
"Well, it took us a while to realize our original ideas for decorations were what would have made us comfortable in our own homes instead of yours. While coming up with ideas on what you loved about living in the library, Applejack came up with an idea," Said Rarity.
"I can't take all of the credit. We all recounted how many memories we all made at the library. That's when I realized what really makes home feel like home isn't what it looks like. It's the memories you make when you're there," Said Applejack.
"So we've made something that celebrates the memories we've made with you since you moved to Ponyville," Said Rarity.
Once the group of friends arrived at the entrance to the throne room, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy opened the large doors. Twilight was awestruck by the sight before her. Hanging on the ceiling above the cutie map was the roots of the Golden Oak Library. It was made into a chandelier, with each root decorated with gems. Upon closer examination, each gem depicted a moment of Twilight's life since her arrival in Ponyville.
"The ornaments on the chandelier are reminders of all the fun we've had together," Explained Fluttershy.
"That one shows your party at the Golden Oak Library welcoming you to Ponyville," Said Pinkie.
"This one shows the time we shared doughnuts after the Grand Galloping Gala."
"That one shows a picture of you and Wade looking at the stars on Hearts and Hooves Day."
"Uh, how did you get a picture of us that night, Pinkie? We didn't have a camera nor invited you to that," Said Deadpool.
"Umm…"
"Pinkie," Said Deadpool sternly.
"Okay! I secretly took a picture while hiding in a tree! I didn't mean to stalk you, I just like your guy's ship!" Said Pinkie tearfully.
"Okay, okay. Calm down, Kawaii-Chan. I'm glad you like our relationship. Just don't take pictures of us without telling us again, okay?"
"Okie dokie loki!"
"Ah-Ahem! We were hoping that being able to look at your beautiful old memories would inspire you to make new ones," Said Rarity.
"And the best part of it is it's made from the roots of the Golden Oak Library, so you'll never forget where you came from," Said Applejack.
Twilight continued to look at the chandelier. Her friends exchanged nervous glances between each other. After looking at the chandelier for a few more seconds, she turned to face her friends. Her eyes were brimming with tears, but she was smiling.
"It's exactly what the castle needed." Twilight ran over and embraced her friends in a group hug. "I am ready to make new memories here, and with all of you."
"I helped with my own peptalk!" Said Deadpool.
"Let's start right now with a new memory cake!"
In a flash, Pinkie disappeared. Just as quickly, she returned. She was carrying a seven layer rainbow-colored cake on her back.
"Seven layer what's-that-flavor mystery surprise! These might be chocolate chips or they might be super-spicy black beans!" Said Pinkie.
"Let's go to the dining room."
Twilight directed her friends to the dining room, which was a short walk from the throne room.
"It's a little sparse, but at least there's a table and chairs. Whoa!"
As soon as Twilight opened the doors, she saw that the dining room had changed. It was filled with lavish furniture, regal banners, and even a golden chandelier.
"What happened in here? Last I checked, this place was empty!" Said Twilight.
"I couldn't help myself! It was just begging for the personal touch!" Said Rarity.
"Truth be told… I couldn't either. Your kitchen might have some rustic farm decor, Twilight," Said Applejack.
"And there may or may not be some Daring Do posters up in your library," Added Rainbow.
"And some stuffed animals in your bedroom," Added Fluttershy.
"Well, if we all are going to add our own personal touches to the castle, I would like to install a wine cellar in the castle. Or at least a mini fridge to stash some beer in," Said Deadpool.
BOOM!
"Ah!"
THUD!
As Deadpool went to take a seat, he found himself and his chair launched into the air. He then fell down to the ground, landing painfully on his back. Some confetti also rained down from above.
"Ow…"
"What was that?!" Asked Twilight in shock.
"(Sigh) One of Pinkie Pie's confetti cannons," Said Applejack.
"What? It's not my fault I hid them so well!" Said Pinkie.
"Ha! That's karma for threatening me!" Said Rarity.
"That was a bit extreme, wasn't it?" Muttered Deadpool painfully.
"And that is also karma for framing me for your prank on Twilight!" Said Rainbow angrily.
"Wade, that was you?" Asked Twilight.
"Is that really surprising? How did you even figure it out, Skittles?" Asked Deadpool.
"You were the one who blamed me!" Said Rainbow.
"Okay, clearly everyone who I had done wrong today has been given retribution. Now, can somepony give me an Ibuprofen, please?" Asked Deadpool.
With a roll of her eyes, Twilight used a spell to summon a container of her coltfriend's requested medication.
Two weeks later…
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Hearing a knock on the door, Spike went to answer it. Upon opening the door, he saw a small package that was addressed to Wade. He picked it up and went to the castle library. Once there, he found Wade resting in a chair while Twilight was reading a book.
"Wade, there is a package for you."
Spike gave Wade the package. He opened it, revealing a tin box inside.
"Ooo! It arrived!" Said Deadpool excitedly.
"What is it?" Asked Twilight.
"Check it out!"
Deadpool opened the box. Inside was a KM2000 combat knife. It had a stainless steel alloy blade that was 6.7 inches long, and a wooden handle.
"A knife?" Questioned Twilight.
"Yup! It's my newest KM2000! Isn't it cool?!" Asked Deadpool.
"It sure is! Can I hold it?" Asked Spike.
"Sure thing, little man."
Deadpool gave Spike the knife. The little dragon was only able to hold on to it for two seconds before Twilight flipped out and took it from him.
"Wade! Don't give Spike a knife! It's a dangerous weapon!" Said Twilight sternly.
"Twilight, a knife is an object. It is only dangerous when used irresponsibly or with ill intentions," Countered Deadpool.
(So, ponies like us.)
"Shut up!"
Twilight reluctantly gave Deadpool the knife back, which he put in a scabbard that was attached to his right hind leg.
"You want to know what's really cool about the knife?" Asked Deadpool.
"What?" Asked Twilight annoyedly.
"The handle was made from the wood of the Golden Oak Library."
"It… was?"
"Yes. I helped Applejack and Fluttershy dig up the roots for the chandelier while you were in the bookstore. I found a branch that was unscathed from Tirek's attack. I know a stallion from Trottingham that makes knives for a living. So, I shipped it to him and he used it to make the handle. I wanted to have my own piece of the library, so what better way than to use part of it to make one of my favorite weapons?"
"Aw, Wade."
Touched by his actions, Twilight hugged Deadpool. Deadpool noticed Spike in front of them looking left out. He grabbed Spike, and lifted him up between himself and Twilight. Feeling delighted, Spike joined in the hug. All three of them chuckled affectionately as they continued their hug.
Fin.
Hey everypony! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This chapter took place in the season five episode "Castle Sweet Castle". Be sure to stay tuned, because Deadpool, Twilight, and one other ally will have to face against arguably one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel Universe, and the Merc With A Mouth will have to face his past and his fears. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and and I hope you all have a great day!