Adam, My Son

Chapter 2

Joe returned well after the evening's dinner had been served. Normally Ben would have objected to his son's cavalier coming and going. Breakfast and dinner had always been sacrosanct in his home unless there was an emergency. But this was something different. Anyone who had had his heart ripped out like Joseph had, he thought, deserved some leniency.

Ben, Adam, and Sally Ann had been quietly sitting in front of the fireplace, sipping brandy when Joe had come in. "Come and sit with us, Joseph. Do you want Hop Sing to make you a plate?"

"No, Pa," the young man answered quietly as he sat down at the edge of the fire.

"Some brandy?"

"No. Thank you. I had some whiskey in town before I came home."

Ben reflected that Joe wasn't much of a drinker. None of his sons were, for which he blessed his stars. He certainly wouldn't begrudge his youngest whatever solace he could find in a glass or two of the amber liquid. After all, he'd had his share of heartache himself and knew what it was like to look for answers at the bottom of a cup.. He glanced over at his youngest son. He mostly took after his mother, but he suddenly realized that he had inherited his own prematurely gray hair. When had Joe's hair started to get so white? Hoss's hair had been thinning for years; he could swear that his middle son was born with a bald patch already started. Adam's hair, however, remained thick and dark, just like the Stoddard side of his family.

As usual, the eldest Cartwright son had his nose in a book, reviewing some engineering concept or other. Normally, Adam would look up from time to time from whatever he was reading to comment on the goings on around him, but he seemed to be studiously avoiding engaging with anyone this evening. Sally Ann, on the other hand, was her typical outgoing self. She had tried once or twice to get Adam to abandon his text book, but she finally couldn't avoid concluding that he just didn't want to engage in any talk. She looked at Ben with a mildly annoyed expression at the slight. "Well, then," she said, "it looks like it's just you and me who want to be sociable this evening. Care for a game of chess?"

"That's an offer I can't refuse, my dear. Another glass of brandy?"

"No, thank you. I've found that when a Cartwright challenges you, it's best to have a clear head. Even then," she said, looking pointedly at Adam, "it's very easy to become confused."

"Now what's going on here?" thought Ben. The two of them had seemed to enjoy sparring with one another and he always found it amusing to watch them wittily going head-to-head. It took someone who was well-read to keep up with them. Inferences, references, and lines of literature were flung back and forth in their mock battles, and it was never wise to decide ahead of time who would win. He could have easily imagined them as brother and sister, fighting with words instead of with fists as Adam and his brothers had done when they were younger.

Even Little Joe had picked up on something going on. At Sally Ann's statement, he stared at her and then his brother and then back at her. She just demurely focused her attention on placing the chess pieces in their positions on the board. He got up and strolled over to sit on the arm of Ben's chair to watch the proceedings, but he kept looking between the young woman and his brother, turning something over and over in his head.

XXXXX

Eleanor and her mother had quickly resettled themselves in a rented house in Sacramento and early the next week, Joseph had received a letter from his ex-wife telling him that they were ready for him to begin coming once a month to spend time with his son. Much as he wished he could spend every weekend with his infant son, the trip back and forth took time and meant that his chores and his work fell to the other men of the family when he was away. It wasn't fair to them. He was the one who had gotten divorced and had his boy taken away. His father and brothers were not upset at having to pick up the slack, but deep inside his gut, Joe felt that this was just another reason to resent his ex-wife.

His father had spent the time bringing him to the stage in Virginia City, urging him not to give in to his anger, for baby Andrew's sake. Little as the tyke was, Ben knew that he would feel the tension between his parents and that would sour the visit with Joseph.

"You don't want him to associate your visits with upset and ill-feelings. I know how angry you are with Eleanor and her mother, but you must lay that aside while you're there. Otherwise, Andy will come to resent you and take his mother's side. Down the road, when he can express himself, he may not want you visiting if it causes her to be angry and tearful."

"My head understands that, Pa, but my heart is another matter. I've felt numb for months now and to at least feel anger makes me feel that there is some hope for me. I know I have to force it down for my boy's sake, but I'd really rather be bitten by a rattlesnake."

Ben rubbed Joseph's shoulder with his rough, calloused hand. "I know you can do it. I'm proud of you, son. Sometimes being a parent feels like cutting off a piece of yourself for the sake of your child. I can only hope that you will eventually receive the rewards of fatherhood that you and your brothers have given me."

When the stage coach arrived, they hugged each other tightly until Joe had to take his seat or be left behind.

That weekend Sally Ann stayed with Prudence and Hoss. She was her usual self until it was time to depart for the family supper at the big house. She didn't seem at all anxious to share the meal with Ben and Adam, especially with Little Joe away. At one point she asked Hoss if it wouldn't be better for her to stay at their home while he and Pru went on. "After all," she said, "it's a Cartwright family meal."

Her brother-in-law looked at her as if she had two heads with one eye smack in the middle of each forehead. "What are you talking about, girl? You're expected just as much as we are. And you are considered one of the family as far as Pa is concerned. Something happen last weekend that you didn't tell us about?"

"No, nothing, of course. I just didn't want anyone to feel that I was being a pest."

"Why would anyone think that?" asked Pru. "And don't you have a book to return to Adam?
"Well, anyone can give him back the book." Sally Ann was feeling like she was fourteen again instead of nearly twenty-one. After all, she and Adam hadn't said anything in particular about anything. It was just that he had stopped talking to her and seemed to ignore her presence for the second half of the previous weekend. It wasn't like anything they had said to each other was in any way serious. They had just been teasing each other as they typically did.

"Did I say something to offend Adam?" she suddenly asked Hoss.

"Not that I'm aware of. Why do you ask?"

Prudence looked very intently at her sister. "Yes, why do you ask?"

"Well," Sally Ann replied somewhat sheepishly, "he stopped talking to me last Saturday. I have no idea why."

"Well, that's not like Adam," said Hoss as he handed the younger woman into the buggy. "He was probably just thinking hard over something, and he'll be back to his normal self when we get there. You'll see."

But when they got to Ben's house, Adam was nowhere to be found. "Oh, he's around somewhere. Probably working on the prototype for Ted's super-strong wagon. He started it a few days ago, says that they have an idea for the draw bar that will improve the turning radius even with six or eight pairs of horses," Ben reported.

Pru and Hoss found that to be unusual for Adam. He was the one with the unfailing manners and would have been expected to at least greet them. Something was definitely up.

When Hop Sing announced that Sunday supper was ready, Prudence volunteered to see if she could find Adam in the barn or nearby. After a few minutes searching, she found him around the back of tool shed. "Hello, Adam," she called, and he jumped as if bitten.

"Oh! You surprised me, Prudence." In fact, he had mistaken her voice for Sally Ann's.

"Pa wants you to know that supper is ready."

"I'll be there just as soon as I put the tools away and wash up," he promised.

Prudence walked back to the house feeling something wasn't right. Adam was not the sort of man to startle like he had.

The talk around the table was mostly about Joseph's trip to see his son in Sacramento. "You think he'll be able to stay calm, Pa?" Hoss asked as he was digging into his mashed potatoes.

"I know he wants to, but intentions and actions don't always align. I hope that he is able to keep his temper in check, for Andy's sake."

"When do you expect him back?" asked Prudence.

"It should be Tuesday, Wednesday the latest."

"I wonder if Eleanor would let us see Andy if we went to Sacramento for a visit," pondered Hoss. "You've never been to California, have you Pru?"

"No. I'd like to see Andy again. He should be getting much bigger, but I think we should wait until Joseph knows if it's acceptable."

"What do you think, Adam? What has your brother said to you?" asked Ben.

"He hasn't said anything to me. As for any of us visiting, I agree with Prudence. It's best that we hold back for a while until things are more settled. It's too easy for us to make a wrong step." "Wrong steps" was something that Adam had been thinking intensely about for the past week.

After finishing the meal off with an apple pie, Ben ushered everyone to the chairs by the fireplace, but Adam begged off with the excuse that he had work on his desk upstairs to attend to. He bade his goodbyes to his brother and sister-in-law, but acted as if Sally Ann wasn't present.

If Ben noticed, he didn't respond. Sally Ann, for her part, just sat quietly, not wanting to give the obvious snub any more attention than it had already garnered.

Hoss waited for a few minutes and then excused himself to go upstairs. He found Adam bent over some papers on his desk, making calculations, crossing them out and then starting over again. Unaware that his brother had quietly opened the bedroom door, the older brother cursed quietly to himself more than once.

"Adam, can I come in and talk to you?" asked Hoss.

"Of course! Everything's alright at your house, isn't it?" Adam said, turning away from his papers and easily slipping into "older brother" mode.

"Yes. Everything's fine and dandy down there. At least it is between Pru and me. I was just wondering what was going on here with you. You and Sally Ann have some sort of falling out? She's wondering what she said or did last weekend to make you stop talking to her. In fact, you've been downright rude to her, brother, and that isn't like you."

"I hadn't noticed any difference in how I treat her," innocence draping itself across Adam's face. "I certainly haven't intended to be rude. Perhaps it just seems that way to her for some reason."

"She didn't say you was rude; I'm saying it. Adam, you're usually a better liar than this. Now out with it. I know you pretty well, after all. I know something's bothering you about her."

Adam felt caught like a fish on a line. He scratched his ear for a moment, trying to think of a way to say something while really saying nothing. Not that he didn't want to tell someone about the feelings he had so suddenly discovered about Sally Ann, but Hoss wasn't exactly an innocent bystander. After all, she was his sister-in-law, and a favorite of everyone besides. He just couldn't decide who to speak to about it.

Hoss wasn't about to leave in the face of his brother's reluctance to speak; he picked up the other chair in the room and plunked it down next to Adam and sat down with a determination that surprised his brother. Hoss could be direct and forceful when need be. The fact that he was doing so here and now, indicated to his brother that he'd better explain himself, or it would be a very long night.

"Alright," he sighed. "I think I've begun to think too much about Sally Ann."

"And…?"

"Well, she's just about young enough to be my daughter!" Adam's admission finally burst out of him like water spilling out of a broken dam. "It's wrong at least three ways from Sunday."

"Well, ain't that just too bad, brother. There's plenty of men who fall in love with younger women, and plenty of young women willing to marry much older men, even one's that come with children!"

"Who said anything about marriage!" stated Adam, starting to stand. Hoss grabbed him and not so gently sat him back down.

"Look; you finally found someone that's got a brain in her head that's a match for yours. How long have you been looking for her?"

"I haven't been looking for anyone," Adam demurred.

"Yeah. Because you stopped looking years back. Thought you'd never find someone who you wouldn't think of as an idiot or a child."

"I do think of her as a child!"

"Not intellectually, you don't. Why, Sally Ann's the only person I know who can beat you in a match of wits, and make you like it, too!"

"But, Hoss. It can't possibly be. She's so, so…"

"Young. Yeah, I know. You already mentioned that once or twice. What are you afraid of, Adam? That she's not ready for a marriage, and I mean physically. Would that be any different if you were ten years younger? Was it any different for me and Pru or Joseph and Eleanor, or for Pa and your mother or mine for that matter? What did you think, that you'd end up marrying a bar girl?"

Hoss stopped for a moment to look at his brother. He looked very pale.

"So what is it, what's keeping you from admitting to yourself that you found the woman you want to marry?"

"I don't…I never want…Hoss, don't you see that a relationship with Sally Ann could explode even more violently than Joe's marriage did if thinks didn't work out?"

"That's still not the reason, Adam!" The big man actually grabbed his brother by the arms and shook him. "Say it! You're afraid to take her virginity, afraid you'll hurt her because you're not some bumbling, fuzz-faced boy yourself. Say it!"

"Yes! Are you satisfied, Hoss. Yes, I'm afraid. I know what I like and it's not the soft, idealistic things that young people dream about or find satisfying. I like things between a man and a woman to be a little more honest, even a little more animalistic, a little rougher. Tell me, now that you know, is that what you would want for Sally Ann? To be used like that as a bride?"

"And how do you know that she wouldn't like it just the same as you? Now I know that it's not a conversation that you'd go and sit down and have with her right now, of course. Still, I think if you did start to court her, there'd come a day when you could talk to her about it. And let me tell you something else, in all confidence, of course – Pru isn't always so soft and tender an' neither am I. There have been times when the 'love nips' have gotten close to breaking skin, an' all. So don't go deciding what a Whitman female might be comfortable or uncomfortable with."

Adam was astounded at what Hoss had just told him. First of all, it was hard to imagine his tender-hearted middle brother being anything but extremely gentle with his wife. And Pru! Well, there were just some things he didn't want to know!

"Come on downstairs. Pa will ask Hop Sing to bring out the coffee and you can excuse your rude absence and get back to being your normal, irascible self, okay Big Brother?"

"Yeah. I guess so. I think I need to wash my face first."

XXXXX

It was late by the time Joseph arrived at his hotel in Sacramento, too late to wash up and walk to Eleanor's house. He promised himself that he'd be up and over there by eight the next morning to spend as much time as possible with Andy.

Mrs. Hood wasn't pleased to have Joe arrive so early because Elly was still nursing the baby. He wasn't allowed up to her room where she kept his crib and had to cool his heels until she finished and they were both dressed. When she brought him down to the parlor, Joseph asked her, "Why couldn't I come upstairs? It's not like I haven't seen you nurse Andy before."

"Well, we were married then," she replied coolly. "Now that we are not, it's not seemly for you to see me in a state of undress."

Joe took a deep breath. "Alright. I understand. Since I'll be with him all day, is he taking milk from a bottle? That way I can feed him, so you won't have to nurse him."

"No. I haven't introduced a bottle. Our new doctor feels that cow's milk is too rich for him to stomach. Andrew will be alright until about midday. You'll be able to step out for your luncheon while I nurse him. Afterwards, we can meet in the park, and you can walk with him a bit before it will be time to come back home. You can spend the time with him now while I do some sewing."

It was quite obvious that he was not going to have unsupervised time with the boy either in the house or outside of it. Eleanor had not given up the fear that the Cartwright family would kidnap her son and return him to the Ponderosa, a fear which Joe thought was pathetic, and just what the child's mother would do if the situation were reversed. Still, he kept the thought to himself, thinking about Ben's advice. At least he would have some time with baby Andy, regardless of the omnipresent chaperone.