"(Sigh) Okay. Library… Library… Where did they put the library?"
Starlight Glimmer, newly accepted student of the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle, was walking down one of the extensive hallways of the Castle of Friendship. She was searching for the castle's library. She stopped to peek through one of many doors, only to find another hallway.
"(Sigh) This castle looked a lot smaller from the outside," Said Starlight to herself.
After walking down the hallway some more, she found a pair of doors. She opened them, only to find they led to a bathroom. Spike was inside, wearing a towel around his waist while brushing his teeth.
"Morning, Starlight!" Said Spike with his mouth full of toothpaste.
"Whoops!"
SLAM!
Starlight slammed the doors shut while covering her eyes with her left foreleg.
"Sorry, Spike! I guess I'm still trying to find my way around. You don't happen to know where the library is, do you?" Asked Starlight.
Spike opened the doors.
"Next door on the left!" Said Spike while pointing with his toothbrush.
After giving Starlight directions, he shut the doors. Starlight then looked towards the direction he pointed to, seeing that the entrance to the library was actually behind her.
"Oh. Thanks!"
Starlight opened the doors, and stepped inside the library. She saw Twilight standing at a wooden table in the center of the library, looking through a list. She also saw her teacher's coltfriend, Deadpool, sitting at a table on the opposite end of the room, drinking a beer.
"Acceptance, mm-hmm. Altruism, definitely." Twilight looked up from her list, seeing Starlight standing at the entrance. "Starlight, good morning, come in!"
"Morning, Twilight," Greeted Starlight. "Morning, actually, you said when we first met to call you Deadpool. Do you still want me to call you that, or would you prefer I call you Wade?"
"Deadpool. Just Deadpool. I would say Mr. Deadpool, but that was my father's name, and I would rather not be reminded of that asshole as much as possible," Said Deadpool while taking a rather big sip of his drink.
"Okay…" Starlight walked over to Twilight. "Sorry I'm late. I got a little turned around. I still can't believe you're letting me stay here… as your pupil… after everything I did…" Said Starlight glumly.
"Well, I'm not one to dwell on the past, and neither should you. The castle is your home now, and as far as being my pupil goes, I was just trying to figure out what your first friendship lesson should be!" Said Twilight while showing Starlight her rather long list.
"Oh, well, it looks like you're really narrowing it down!"
"Oh, these are just the A's. After this, I move on to the B's!"
Twilight pointed behind her. Starlight saw a table with a LOT of scrolls and papers on and beside it. She tried to give Twilight her best smile, but she couldn't help but bite her bottom lip and lower her ears. She walked over to the table and looked at all the different papers.
"I know I'm just learning about friendship, but I didn't think there were this many lessons for anything. How do we choose?" Asked Starlight.
"Maybe I should pare things down a bit before we go through them. Why don't you join the others in the throne room? They're planning our trip to the Crystal Empire when Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have their baby!" Said Twilight excitedly.
"Oh, that's right! I bet you can't wait to be an aunt," Said Starlight.
"Nope! And I bet Wade can't wait to be an uncle. Right, Wade?" Asked Twilight.
Deadpool's eyes sparkled while he took a sip of his drink.
"You bet! There's so many things I'm looking forward to! Buying my niece or nephew's affection with gifts and candy, teaching them all kinds of curse words, and telling them how much of a dork their father is. Also, I would be overjoyed if I could teach them how to use a gun! Then I could have a buddy to go to the shooting range with! Well, a buddy who is neither from the future nor a full time mercenary."
Deadpool took one last sip of his beer, then tossed the empty bottle behind him. Unsurprisingly, the bottle smashed into several glass pieces. Looking behind him and seeing the mess, he giggled sheepishly.
"Uh, I will clean that up," Said Deadpool sheepishly.
As Deadpool got up and began to clean his mess (using his bare hooves to pick up the glass), Twilight and Starlight looked at him with deadpanned looks on their faces.
"He's gonna be some uncle," Deadpanned Starlight.
"Yeah… We're gonna need to tweak some of his 'quirks' if Cadance and Shining Armor are going to allow him anywhere near their foal," Deadpanned Twilight.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six were in the throne room, discussing their upcoming trip to the Crystal Empire. Deadpool and Starlight opened the doors to the throne room, and walked towards the thrones and the Cutie Map.
"Well, I think we should leave ASAP. I don't want to miss the Crystalling!" Said Rainbow Dash.
"But, um, shouldn't we wait for the invitation?" Asked Fluttershy.
"Frankly, I'm not exactly clear on all the customs and traditions of the Crystal Empire, especially when it comes to a Crystalling," Said Applejack.
"What's a Crystalling?" Asked Starlight.
"Well, that's just it, darling. Princess Cadance and Shining Armor's baby is due any day, and we're still not sure. The Crystal Empire was gone for a thousand years. A lot of their customs are a bit murky," Explained Rarity.
"We know it's got somethin' to do with the new baby," Said Applejack.
Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up between Starlight and Applejack, and had her face uncomfortably close to the former.
"And a party!" Said Pinkie quickly.
"And the Crystal Heart," Said Fluttershy.
"And a party!" Said Pinkie quickly.
"And some kinda cool energy," Said Rainbow.
Pinkie then hopped onto the Cutie Map on her hind legs.
"And… a party!" Cried Pinkie while confetti appeared out of nowhere.
Starlight looked at Rainbow Dash out of confusion. The latter shrugged her shoulders.
"It's not hard to understand." Everyone looked towards the doors and saw Spike walking into the throne room. "Most things in the Crystal Empire aren't. Like how I'm a big hero there, for example!"
Spike showed a small poster of himself holding the Crystal Heart. Almost all of his friends gave him deadpanned looks, except for Rarity, who was stifling a giggle.
"Is that what I sound like?" Asked Deadpool.
"YES…!" Deadpanned all of his friends except Spike.
"Eh… plus, I've had to help Twilight do a lot of research on Crystallings."
Spike pulled out an ornate blue and purple vase from underneath the Cutie Map. The vase had images depicting the events of a Crystalling.
"Whenever a baby is born in the Crystal Empire the parents bring it before the Crystal Heart. They get the purest shard of crystal they can find, then pick a crystaller to present the baby to everypony who comes. Then they all share the light and joy they feel, feeding it into the crystal that joins with the Heart, and increases its power! And this is going to be a royal Crystalling, so pretty much the whole empire will show up. That hasn't happened in a millennia!" Said Spike.
"What do you mean it increases the Crystal Heart's power?" Asked Starlight.
"The energy it uses to protect the Crystal Empire, I guess," Answered Spike.
"Protect it from what?" Asked Starlight.
"I… didn't help Twilight with that part," Answered Spike.
"Didn't the Crystal Heart keep the Empire safe from Shadow King?" Asked Deadpool.
"The Crystal Heart was used to stop King Sombra, yes, but that wasn't its sole purpose. It protected the Crystal Ponies long before King Sombra usurped the throne of the empire," Answered Spike.
"I will go ask Twilight," Said Starlight.
Starlight walked out of the throne room and made her way to the library.
"Um, where's the library again?" Asked Starlight sheepishly.
All of her friends pointed towards the right.
"Oh, right… Thanks," Said Starlight.
A few minutes later…
In the castle's library, Twilight Sparkle was still looking through her copious amount of lists. In the hallway outside, Starlight Glimmer trotted by the open doors to the library. Realizing she went past the library, she walked back and entered the library.
"Hey, Twilight, can I ask you something about the Crystal Empire?" Asked Starlight.
Twilight looked up from her lists. She then grabbed three of them and walked over to Starlight.
"Huh! Funny you should mention it. Because I just narrowed your first friendship lesson down to three options, and one of them is in the Crystal Empire!" Said Twilight.
"Really?!" Asked Starlight excitedly.
"I found out that's where the first pony you ever cared about lives!" Said Twilight.
While her mentor smiled radiantly, a look of worry found its way on Starlight.
"Sunburst? You found him?" Asked Starlight timidly.
"Well, to be fair, I didn't actually find him," Admitted Twilight. "Wade was the one who found him. He has a knack for tracking ponies down… probably from his time as a mercenary. Now that I think about it, having Wade find him was probably not a good idea, considering that assigning a former mercenary to track the whereabouts of somepony is kind of suspicious… Oh, well. Hindsight's 20/20. Anyway, reuniting with Sunburst is just one idea. We could also go to Griffinstone…"
Twilight's words were drowned out by a ringing sound in Starlight's ears. The thought of seeing Sunburst after so many years without any contact caused her to panic internally. She was so overwhelmed that she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Starlight?"
Finally hearing her mentor's voice, Starlight opened her eyes.
"Is something wrong?" Asked Twilight out of concern while placing a hoof on Starlight's shoulder.
"What? O-Oh, no, heh, those all sound great!" Said Starlight with a fake smile.
"... I know! I guess you were right - it is gonna be hard to choose one!"
As Twilight walked back to her table, Starlight chuckled nervously.
"Heh… Yeah…"
A few minutes later…
Starlight Glimmer walked down a hallway with her head hung low. She couldn't get the thought of meeting her old fillyhood friend out of her mind. Lost in her thoughts, she opened a pair of doors, then some brooms fell on top of her. She realized she had accidentally opened a supply closet. She used her magic to get the brooms off of her and put them back in the closet. She then opened a pair of doors opposite to the supply closet. This time, she found Spike looking in the mirror while flexing his biceps. Upon seeing her, he waved to her.
"Ugh… I am never gonna find my way around this place," Said Starlight depressingly.
Starlight left to continue walking down the hallway. Spike caught up to her and walked by her right.
"Gee, Starlight, what's wrong?" Asked Spike.
"I don't know, Spike. Twilight's figuring out what my first friendship lesson is, and I guess I'm not exactly thrilled with the options. Well… with one of them," Said Starlight.
"Which one?"
"Reuniting me with my first friend."
"What's so terrible about that?"
"(Sigh) When we were foals, Sunburst knew everything there was to know about magic. He always knew just what to do. And he was always there to help me. I guess it's not surprising that Sunburst got his cutie mark in magic and… went off to Princess Celestia's school. But when he left…"
"You blamed cutie marks and stripped a whole village of theirs, and when Twilight and the others stopped you, you went back in time and almost destroyed Equestria," Said Spike dryly.
"Not really stuff I'm super eager to tell Sunburst about. I mean, he's probably some big important wizard now, and… I can't even find my way around Twilight's castle," Said Starlight glumly.
"Well, if Sunburst is that good at magic, maybe he'd appreciate your, uh… (Clears throat) exploits. You should talk to Twilight about it. I'm sure she'd want to hear what you have to say."
"I know. But I don't want her to think I'm not ready to learn or that I'm not grateful for everything she's doing," Said Starlight.
"Spike! Come quick!"
Hearing Twilight's voice, both Spike and Starlight went towards the end of the hallway. They found her out on a balcony, looking at the sky with a smile on her face. A small object could be seen in the sky floating along the wind. It flew towards Twilight, and she joyfully reached for it with her right wing. Landing on the edge of her magenta feathers, she saw it was a snowflake. The center of the snowflake opened up, revealing a tiny invitation.
"It's a Crystalling invitation!" Said Spike excitedly.
"Shining Armor's a father! I'm an aunt!" Said Twilight excitedly.
"The baby's here?!"
"Ah!"
Deadpool appeared on the balcony without anyone noticing, startling Starlight.
"I heard you say that the baby's here, right?" Asked Deadpool to Twilight.
"Yes!" Said Twilight excitedly.
"Let's go!"
With the news of the birth of Cadance and Shining Armor's baby, Deadpool and Twilight went to get ready to go to the Crystal Empire. Twilight momentarily stopped to talk to Starlight.
"Since we're going to the Crystal Empire, your first friendship lesson is going to be reuniting with Sunburst!" Said Twilight excitedly.
Originally happy upon hearing the news of Twilight now being an aunt, Starlight quickly grew worried about her reunion with Sunburst.
"Great…"
A few hours later…
Twilight, Spike, Deadpool, Starlight and the rest of their friends were all riding the Friendship Express train. After a long train ride, they were almost at their destination. The Crystal Empire could be seen in the distance across the snowy landscape. Starlight was looking out a window with her head resting on her arms. The train ride gradually got her more and more nervous as they got closer to the Empire. Wanting to keep her mind off of her worries, she looked around the train car.
Twilight was sitting next to her on her left reading a book. In the seat opposite of them sat Spike, Pinkie, and Deadpool. The two ponies looked very bored… should probably keep an eye on them. Fluttershy was happily gazing out the window by her seat while holding a rabbit plushie, Rarity was keeping her eyes on a small white blanket, Applejack was petting something large concealed by a sheet next to her, and Rainbow Dash had just woken up from a nap in the seat behind the farmhand. Rainbow Dash looked behind her and found herself intrigued by what was next to Applejack.
"Um, Applejack, what is that?" Asked Rainbow.
"Oh, just a little somethin' for the young'un." Applejack used her teeth to remove the sheet, revealing an exquisite wooden rocking cradle. "Made from genuine Sweet Apple Acres apple trees. We make 'em for all of the Apples, and anypony related to Twilight is practically family."
Hearing Applejack say something so touching made Twilight smile.
"Yeah, it's okay… But it's no Cloudsdale mobile! Bam!"
Rainbow Dash revealed a mobile that had rainbows, clouds, and lightning bolts hanging from it.
"Ooh!" Uttered Rarity and Pinkie.
Pinkie touched the mobile, causing one of its strings to detach and fall onto the floor. Rainbow Dash looked at her with an unamused look on her face, while the party pony smiled sheepishly.
"Well, a mobile is real nice… as long as you have somethin' to lay in so you can look at it," Said Applejack.
"And a fetching blanket to keep you warm," Added Rarity while tucking the blanket into the cradle.
"What do you have there, Wade?" Asked Pinkie.
Next to Deadpool's left was a red gift bag. He grabbed the gift bag and placed it on his lap.
"It's not much. I… (Clears throat) did my gift shopping last minute." Deadpool reached into the gift bag, and pulled out a yellow snail plushie with a green shell and blue spots. "I got the baby this snail plush at the toy shop on my way to the train station. I know I should have gotten something better, but I believe the baby and her parents will like it. And if they don't, I can return it for a refund as long as it's still in good condition."
(The odds of that plushie remaining in refundable condition would be very slim.)
"Aw! Of course they'll like it! It's so cute!" Said Fluttershy.
Twilight leaned forwards to give Deadpool a peck on his masked cheek.
"I know they will love it, Wade. I'm sure Shining Armor and Cadance will love all our gifts. But I think they're more happy we'll be attending the baby's Crystalling," Said Twilight.
"Ooh! I can't wait to see all that light and love make the Crystal Heart even more sparkly and shiny!" Said Pinkie while bouncing up and down.
"Actually, Pinkie, the Crystal Heart is an ancient and powerful relic. Without its magic, the Crystal Empire would be lost to the Frozen North," Said Twilight.
"Is that foreshadowing? I think that's foreshadowing," Said Deadpool to himself.
"Wow, this Crystalling sounds pretty important. I'd understand if you wanted to… you know… wait to do a different friendship lesson when we get back," Said Starlight while shrugging her shoulders.
"Are you kidding? This trip is perfect! Not only do I get to see the baby and take part in the ceremony that helps maintain the magic of the Crystal Empire, but I'm starting my new pupil off with the most amazing friendship lesson ever! I can't wait!" Said Twilight excitedly while wrapping an arm around Starlight and hugging her.
"Right… Me neither…" Starlight looked across the seat and saw Spike silently signaling her to tell Twilight her concerns about meeting up with Sunburst. "Actually, Twilight, I am a little worried about meeting Sunburst."
"Oh, trust me. I know what it's like to see old friends. But I'll be right there to help things along. I've broken the whole lesson down into a few easy steps to ensure this reunion goes off without a hitch!"
Twilight pulled out a list and unrolled it. The list was a couple feet long, with the top of the list ending up next to Deadpool, Pinkie, and Spike's seat. Starlight's only response was to laugh nervously.
A few minutes later…
After a long ride, the group of heroes finally arrived at the Crystal Empire. After pulling up to the station, the Friendship Express' doors opened up, allowing the passengers to get off. As everyone with the exception of Deadpool got off the train, Twilight was reading her list to Starlight.
"Step one, head to Sunburst's house and get you two started on the hoof. Step two, get to the castle with enough time to visit the ba-"
THUMP!
Not paying attention to where she was walking, Twilight ended up bumping into something, causing her to drop her list. She looked up, and found to her surprise that she had bumped into her older brother.
"(Gasp) Shining Armor!" Said Twilight happily.
"Twilight…!" Said Shining Armor happily.
Both siblings gave each other a hug.
"I didn't know you were meeting us!" Said Twilight.
"... Of course I am! It's me, right here. Here I am. Why wouldn't I come meet my sister? Though we have met before, heh-heh," Said Shining.
While Twilight and the rest of her friends looked at her brother out of confusion, a certain masked stallion finally got off the train. He stretched his body as he yawned.
POP!
"I think I just popped my sternum," Said Deadpool painfully.
Looking ahead, he saw Shining Armor. Both stallions locked eyes and glared at each other. They then marched up to each other.
"Oh no," Said Twilight exasperatedly.
As soon as both stallions met up, they began to size each other up.
"Wade," Said Shining.
"Shining," Replied Deadpool.
"Has your flank been doing better?" Said Shining.
"It's been doing just fine, Shining. It's still plump and gropeable. Just ask your sister," Said Deadpool.
While Shining grinded his teeth from hearing Deadpool's remark, Twilight was blushing profusely, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack were stifling giggles.
"I would ask you if your balls have bounced back from our brawl, but given the fact that you are a father now, I would say they have. Although I suppose you most likely knocked up your wife prior to our previous encounter since she would have been pregnant for over eleven months," Said Deadpool.
Both Shining Armor and Deadpool pressed their foreheads together while growling at each other out of anger. Seeing her coltfriend and her brother acting aggressively towards each other, Twilight placed a hoof against her forehead while shaking her head.
"Do they do this often?" Asked Starlight.
"No. Last time we visited Shining Armor and Cadance, Wade and I told them we were dating," Replied Twilight.
"He didn't take it well?" Asked Starlight.
"And then some! He dragged Wade into a scuffle out of the blue, and they've been on not so good terms ever since! Cadance and I tried to ask Shining why he reacted the way he did, but he wouldn't say," Said Twilight.
"And they've both been at each other's throats ever since," Said Starlight.
"Yup," Said Twilight exasperatedly
"Uh, Twi," Said Applejack.
Applejack pointed towards the two stallions. Twilight saw that both of them were wrestling each other. They tried to overpower the other in a test of strength. Their fighting was attracting the attention of other ponies.
"Hey! Colts, that's enough!"
Twilight used her magic to forcefully separate Deadpool and Shining Armor from each other. Looking at the latter, she saw that her brother's mane and tail had hairs standing on end, and he had bags under his eyes.
"Are you alright?" Asked Twilight.
"Yeah, you look like shit," Said Deadpool.
Twilight elbowed Wade in the foreleg.
"Never better! Being a father is amazing! And wonderful, and amazing, and confusing, and amazing, but surprising too, you know? I mean, not that you'd know. You wouldn't know, I know… You know?" Said Shining.
"Well, actually, we do-"
Before Deadpool could finish his sentence, Twilight glared into his soul. He immediately shut himself up.
"Sorry. I haven't really slept since Cadance had the baby. Come to think of it, she hasn't either. It sure would be great to get a break," Said Shining.
"Oh, of course! I don't know what I was thinking! You two probably need all kinds of help!" Twilight turned to face Starlight. "I'm sorry, Starlight, but I guess combining your first lesson with this visit wasn't such a good idea."
Hearing that her reunion with Sunburst would be postponed, Starlight instantly felt relieved.
"Oh, uh, don't be ridiculous! You're an aunt now! That's way more important than some friendship lesson," Said Starlight while stifling her excitement.
"I just wish there was a way to do both," Said Twilight.
Spike picked up the list off of the ground, and rolled it up. Looking at it in his hands, an idea popped into his head.
"Maybe there is! You've already done the work for Starlight's lesson with this list. All we have to do is follow it!" Said Spike.
Starlight smacked her forehead out of annoyance due to Spike's idea.
"Spike, you're a genius!" Said Twilight.
"Yeah… genius," Said Starlight through gritted teeth.
"Then it's settled! You two can head straight to Sunburst's place while the rest of us will head straight to the castle!" Said Twilight.
"Aye-aye, Princess!" Said Spike while saluting.
"Uh-huh," Said Starlight nervously.
Both Starlight and Spike made their way to find Sunburst's home, the former more reluctant than the other to do so.
"Alright, big brother, let's go see this amazing baby pony!" Said Twilight.
Zzz…
Twilight turned to face her brother, only to find that he had fallen asleep standing up.
"Ahhh… the baby…" Said Shining in his sleep.
A few minutes later…
Spike and Starlight were making their way to Sunburst's house. As they passed by the Empire's crystal homes, Spike was looking over Twilight's list.
"I know you're a little worried about this reunion, but I'm sure Twilight's got everything covered," Assured Spike.
"Everything except how I'd rather do absolutely anything else," Said Starlight, annoyedly.
"Oh, I bet she's taken that into account too. It's all part of the lesson. Trust the lesson," Said Spike.
"Right…" Said Starlight with an eye roll.
Looking ahead, Starlight saw a crystal statue of Spike holding the Crystal Heart. She momentarily stopped to look at the statue. Recalling how he bragged about saving the Crystal Empire, she thought of a way she could stall her reunion with Sunburst. Smirking, she jogged to catch up to Spike.
"Hey, i-is that you?" Asked Starlight while pointing at the statue.
"Oh, yep, it sure is!" Said Spike "Now, according to the list, Sunburst's house is-"
"Why is there a statue of you in the Crystal Empire?" Asked Starlight.
Suddenly, a crystal pony mare with a yellow coat, orange mane and tail, and three hearts for a cutie mark ran up excitedly to Starlight.
"Because Spike the Brave and Glorious saved all of us from King Sombra!" Said the mare.
Another crystal pony mare with a lavender coat, orange mane and tail, and an ornamental flowerpot for a cutie mark walked up to Starlight.
"And then again during the Equestria Games!" Said the lavender mare.
"Really? Asked Starlight.
"Really!"
A crystal pony stallion with an orange coat, bluish gray mane and tail, and an ornamental vase for a cutie mark appeared, startling Spike.
"Big fan," Said the stallion to Spike.
He reached a hoof out towards Spike, which the latter eagerly shook.
"Um, when were you going to tell me about this?" Asked Starlight.
"Nah, it's no big deal," Said Spike while scratching the back of his head.
"It most certainly is!" Said the crystal ponies.
A small group of crystal ponies were gathering around to see Spike. Starlight used her magic to summon a wooden stool for Spike to sit on and rolled up the scroll containing Twilight's list. She then sat down and summoned a bag of popcorn.
"That's it! We're not going anywhere until I get the whole story!" Said Starlight.
Not wanting to say no, Spike began to retell the story about how he saved the Crystal Empire twice. Meanwhile, Twilight, Deadpool and friends were following Shining Armor down one of the Crystal Castle's hallways. He led them to a pair of large purple doors. Two royal guards who were standing in front of the doors walked over to Deadpool.
"May I help you?" Asked Deadpool.
"Sir, we need you to leave your weapons with us," Said one of the guards.
"Oh. I see what's going on here. You two somehow don't know who I am. I'm Deadpool, hero of Equestria. I saved this land seven times over the past one-and-three-quarters, (nearing two) years. I'm also dating Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and sister to the prince. We're practically family, so I can be trusted with my weapons," Said Deadpool.
"Sir, the Prince and Princess specifically ordered us to confiscate your weapons until your visit is over. They just want to be sure that no incidents occur that might threaten the baby's safety," Said the other guard.
"Dammit… That's a valid argument. Well, since this is out of concern for the baby, then who would I be to not oblige to this reasonable request," Said Deadpool.
"Very good. Just hoof over your weapons to us and we will take them to a secure location, where you can then pick them up after your visit," Said the guard.
Deadpool pulled out his magic pistols and gave them to one of the guards.
"Just so we are clear, if I find so much as a smudge on any of my shit, I will kick your asses," Said Deadpool sternly.
Hearing her coltfriend threaten the guards made Twilight smack herself in the forehead. Deadpool then removed the scabbards on his back containing his katanas and gave them to the guards. He then pulled out a knife from a sheathe on his hind leg and hoofed it over.
"Is this all of the weapons you have on you?" Asked a guard.
"Hold on, I carry the rest of my weapons in this."
Deadpool pulled out a satchel, opened it up, and tipped it over. To the shock of everyone in the hall, various weapons were falling out of the satchel. Knives, guns, even a large bomb fell onto the floor. After twenty seconds, weapons stopped falling out of the satchel. All of his weapons were in a large pile in front of the guards' hooves.
"Do I have to take off my boots?" Asked Deadpool nonchalantly.
"Um… Now is that everything?" Asked a guard.
"Yeah."
"Good… Thank you for your cooperation."
Both of the guards began to carefully grab all of Deadpool's weapons to take them to a secure location.
"Why did you bring so many weapons?" Asked Twilight sternly.
"I have a better question! Why did you bring any weapons?!" Asked Rarity.
"Besides my unhealthy obsession with weapons, I brought them because I wanted to ensure the baby would be safe. The birth of a royal baby can catch the attention of some of the most crazy ponies," Said Deadpool.
Everyone in the hall other than Pinkie looked at Deadpool with deadpanned expressions.
"(Sigh) Before we go in, I should probably tell you seeing the baby might be a bit of a shock," Said Shining.
"Is it ugly?" Asked Deadpool bluntly.
"Wade!" Said Twilight sternly.
"What?! It's just a question! If they were, I would've said that it would be alright. After all, when they inevitably feel like an outcast, they would have somepony who could empathize with them," Said Deadpool while pointing at himself.
"Then why don't ya have your mask off?" Asked Applejack.
"Applejack, the baby isn't even a week old yet. I don't need to be its first nightmare," Replied Deadpool.
"(Sigh) No, the baby's not ugly. It's just… different," Said Shining.
(It's totally ugly. I'm calling it.)
"Come on, big brother. I've met babies before. I expect meeting this one won't be any different," Said Twilight.
Twilight used her magic to open the two doors. She then entered the room with her friends following behind her. Upon entering the room, she was greeted by her sister-in-law, Cadance. Even though she had a smile on her face, the Princess of Love looked completely exhausted. Maybe even more so than Shining Armor.
(You're kidding, right? Of course she's more exhausted than her husband. She was the one who had to give birth to their foal. Not to mention she would've had to feed it, and change it, and comfort it when it was upset, and all of the other things that come with taking care of a baby.)
Yeah, I know. You're right. Shut up.
"Hi, Cadance!" Greeted Twilight.
"Hello, Twilight," Greeted Cadance tiredly.
Both mares gave each other a hug. Twilight looked over at the right side of the room, and saw Princesses Celestia and Luna.
"Princess Celestia and Luna! Hello!" Greeted Twilight.
Both rulers of Equestria bowed to Twilight in greeting.
"She's right over there," Said Cadance while pointing at a bed.
Knowing she was referring to the baby, Twilight walked over to the bed. Stopping at the foot of the bed, Twilight and the rest of her friends beamed at what they saw. Swaddled up in a blue blanket in the middle of the bed was a light magenta baby unicorn filly with a light blue and purple mane. Sleeping peacefully, Twilight and the rest of her friends smiled at what was probably one of the most beautiful and precious things they have ever seen.
Suddenly, the baby began to stir from her slumber. She shifted within her blanket, then it sprung off of her. To their absolute surprise, Twilight and her friends saw the baby not only had a horn but a pair of wings, too. As the baby looked at them with big light blue eyes and cooed in delight, Twilight realized this could only mean one thing.
"The baby is an alicorn?!" Said Twilight in shock.
"It looks that way," Said Cadance as she and Shining walked over to the bed.
"But… But… But I thought alicorn wings had to be earned by accomplishing some great, princess-worthy deed!" Said Rarity.
"Yeah. How can you just be born with 'em?" Asked Applejack.
"The birth of an alicorn is something Equestria has never seen!" Said Princess Celestia.
"It is beyond even our understanding," Added Princess Luna.
"That's not very reassuring," Whispered Fluttershy to Rarity.
"Seriously? Not even you two were born as alicorns?" Asked Deadpool.
"No. Luna and I had to earn our alicorn hood like Cadance and Twilight," Answered Celestia.
"Wow! A unicorn and a pegasus! So she could be a super-strong flier and have crazy baby magic!" Said Pinkie.
"Well, I know all about super-strong flying," Said Rainbow while doing a somersault in the air.
"And I can help keep tabs on her magic!" Said Twilight.
AH-CHOO!
VROOM!
Suddenly, the baby sneezed. Her sneeze caused her to fire a large beam of pink and yellow magic at the ceiling, creating a large hole. A crystal pony mare looked down from the floor above the baby's room, locking eyes with the newborn's parents, the other princesses, and the Mane Six and Deadpool.
"It appears her magic is more powerful than that of a newborn unicorn!" Said Celestia in shock.
"That thing is a weapon!" Said Deadpool while pointing at the baby. "I love her! Can I hold her, please?!"
"Yeah, right. Like we'd let you of all ponies hold-"
As he turned to look at his daughter, Shining Armor saw that the baby was gone. He looked around the room, quickly finding Cadance giving the baby to Deadpool.
"Here you go, Wade," Said Cadance with a smirk.
"Cadance!" Said Shining.
"What? Wade can be trusted. Based on what Twilight has told me, he's more likely to accidentally hurt himself than the baby," Said Cadance.
"We probably should keep an eye on him, though. Just in case," Said Rarity.
"Hey, when I foalsat your sister and her friends, they were still in one piece, weren't they?" Asked Deadpool rhetorically.
"That doesn't change the fact you took them to the Everfree Forest and nearly got them eaten by a manticore," Said Rarity irritatedly.
"They told you?" Asked Deadpool.
"Yes!" Said Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
"Snitches," Muttered Deadpool.
"Well, I suppose if the baby blasts a hole through you, we wouldn't have to get a medic," Said Shining.
"Aren't you so funny?" Said Deadpool sarcastically.
Deadpool looked at the little bundle of joy he held in his forelegs as he sat on his haunches. The baby looked at him inquisitively, then blew a raspberry in contempt.
"Wow! I honestly would've thought she would've been frightened by your mask," Said Twilight.
"Well, to be fair, even in this fictional shared universe of colorful pastel ponies and superheroes, I look like a cartoon character. It's not like I'm wearing Ghostface's mask or anything like that," Said Deadpool.
The baby laughed joyfully.
"Aw! You're the cutest pony I have ever met! You definitely got your looks from your mother. Unlike your father, you don't look like a doofus," Said Deadpool.
"At least I don't look like a coconut that was overcooked," Said Shining.
"Dude, I have cancer. That's insensitive."
"Wade! Shining! Knock it off! I don't want to have to deal with your crap all day! And I'm sure Cadance would agree!" Said Twilight sternly.
"Yes, Twilight," Said Deadpool and Shining Armor in unison.
"The crowds have already started to gather," Said Luna.
Looking out a window, everyone could see that the Crystal Empire's denizens were heading straight for the Crystal Castle. Pinkie blew a large green balloon, and floated towards the ceiling.
"This Crystalling is gonna be some party!" Said Pinkie.
POP!
The balloon popped, causing Pinkie to fall onto her rump.
"Do you think we should call it off?" Asked Cadance.
"Um, we've all faced a lot worse than baby magic," Said Rainbow boastfully.
"I can't imagine canceling such a beautiful and important ceremony over something so potentially adorable!" Said Rarity.
"Yeah!" Said the rest of the Mane Six in unison.
"In light of the little one's abilities, this Crystalling might be more important than ever. Perhaps you should address your subjects and remind them of that," Said Celestia to Cadance.
"Hm," Muttered Cadance tiredly while nodding in agreement.
Cadance walked over to Deadpool who was holding her child. She gave the little one a motherly kiss on her forehead, who babbled in response while trying to reach out to her mother. Cadance then left the room with Princesses Celestia and Luna behind her to go address her subjects. Twilight turned to face her brother, who she found sleeping while leaning against the bed's head rest. She shook his shoulder to wake him up.
"Shining Armor, do you have everything you need for the ceremony?" Asked Twilight.
"Huh?" It took Shining a moment to register what his sister said. Then his eyes burst open in panic. "Oh, no! I still have to interview the honor guards, choose the purity crystal, and pick a crystaller!"
As Shining Armor panicked, Twilight placed a comforting hoof on his shoulder.
"Alright, take it easy. Wade can stay here with me, and we'll keep an eye on the baby," Said Twilight.
"And we'll all help you with everythin' else," Said Applejack.
THUMP!
Shining Armor slumped onto the floor, falling asleep on the spot.
"… Baby…" Said Shining in his sleep.
"That is, if you can stay awake long enough to tell us how," Deadpanned Rarity.
A few minutes later…
"...and that's how we found the Crystal Heart, defeating King Sombra, and saved the Empire."
Meanwhile, with Spike and Starlight, the former just finished telling his story. The crowd of crystal ponies that listened to the story applauded.
"We love you, Spike!" Said a crystal pony filly.
"Yeah. Tell the one about the Equestria Games!" Said another crystal pony filly.
"Well, as much as I love reliving my heroic deeds, Starlight and I have an important lesson to do, by order of the Princess of Friendship," Said Spike.
"Awwww!"
"Aw, come on, Spike! I want to hear about the Games too!" Said Starlight with a fake grin.
Spike gave one of the fillies his autograph, then he turned to Starlight while pulling out Twilight's list.
"I know you're nervous about meeting Sunburst, but it says right in step three, to, uh, 'Deal with your fears by facing them, not by putting them off'," Said Spike.
Starlight scowled, but then finally caved in.
"Ugh. Let's go get this over with," Said Starlight.
Starlight got up from a lawn chair she was sitting in, then made her way towards Sunburst's place with Spike following behind her. A little while later, after a long walk, Starlight Glimmer and Spike arrived at Sunburst's home. It was a small green crystal house with diamond shaped windows, and an orange roof that resembled a wizard's hat. Starlight walked up a small flight of stone stairs, and was about to knock on the green ornate doors.
"Wait!"
Before she could knock on the door, Starlight heard Spike telling her to wait.
"Huh? What?!" Asked Starlight.
"Knocking on the door isn't the next thing on the list!" Said Spike
"Seriously?"
"I know Twilight can be a little nitpicky, but this is your first lesson as her pupil, and it's important that we do it right!"
"Fine," Said Starlight while rolling her eyes. "What's the next thing on the list?"
Clearing his throat, Spike read the next step on Twilight's list.
"'Before they see each other, be sure to highlight the importance of the meeting'," Said Spike.
"I'm pretty sure we can skip that," Said Starlight.
"I don't know… I mean if we skip it, the whole lesson could go south! And then you might end up taking a giant step backwards instead of forwards! Maybe you'll never be able to learn anything about friendship at all!" Said Spike.
Not having considered that, Starlight now became anxious. Spike grabbed her by the cheeks and brought her face to his.
"It's almost like your whole future depends on this moment." Spike let go of Starlight, then pulled out a pencil and checked off the previous step. "'Highlight the importance of the meeting' - check! I can't believe you wanted to skip that!"
Now more anxious than ever, Starlight hesitantly knocked on the door. Stepping back a couple paces, she waited for Sunburst to open the door. Several seconds went by, but he has yet to open the door. Starlight looked to Spike, who responded by shrugging his shoulders. Believing that he wasn't home, she began to make her leave.
CREAK!
She heard one of the doors creak open. She turned back towards the doors, only seeing that they were slightly ajar.
"Sunburst?" Said Starlight.
The doors opened up more, revealing Sunburst. He was a unicorn stallion with an orange coat, reddish-orange mane and goatee (which were both scraggly), and cornflower blue eyes. He wore a pair of pince-nez glasses, and he wore a bluish-green cloak with star patterns held by a clip in the shape of his cutie mark.
" Yes? What can I do for you?" Asked Sunburst.
"It's… It's me, Starlight. We used to be friends?" Said Starlight.
Sunburst took a moment to see if he remembered Starlight's name. He quickly remembered who she was.
"Oh, of course! S-Starlight! My goodness, it-it's been a long time! What, uh, what have you been up to?" Asked Sunburst.
Starlight was caught off guard by his question. Not wanting to tell him about her crusade against cutie marks, she decided to tell him about her apprenticeship with Twilight.
"Me? Oh! You know, some of this, some of that, different… stuff. Right now, I'm sort of Twilight Sparkle's new pupil," Said Starlight.
"The Princess of Friendship?" Said Sunburst in disbelief.
"Heh… yeah… that's actually kind of why I'm here. I mean, I know you're probably very busy."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I figured after magic school, you'd go on to do important wizard work, but…"
"Oh. No. Y-Yes! Uh, y-yes, that's me, yup. (Nervous chuckle) Important wizard! Really busy with lots of, uh, wi-wizarding… stuff." Sunburst and Starlight were left in an awkward silence for several seconds. "Right. Uh, well… good to see you."
Ending their awkward conversation rather abruptly, Sunburst closed the door. Starlight then looked back at Spike out of confusion.
"Huh. Maybe we should have skipped highlighting the importance of the meeting after all," Said Spike while looking at the list.
"Well, I guess that's that!" Said Starlight happily.
As she was walking down the steps, she was stopped by Spike.
"Starlight, come on! We have to at least explain what Twilight wants!" Said Spike.
Groaning out of annoyance, Starlight was shoved up the steps and in front of the doors by Spike. She then knocked on one of them, and Sunburst opened the right door. Not knowing what to say, she greeted him with a nervous smile.
Meanwhile, Princesses Cadance, Celestia, and Luna were outside the entrance of the Crystal Castle, standing on a stage with a heart shaped arch that was built in front of the castle's overhang, addressing a large crowd of crystal ponies.
"Dearest citizens, I am sure you are all just as thrilled and ready for this Crystalling as myself and Shining Armor," Said Cadance.
The crowd cheered and clapped in applause. Back stage, Shining Armor was watching from behind a large curtain. He quickly shut the curtain in panic as the severity of his situation became apparent. He looked behind him, seeing six members of the Crystal Empire royal guard lined up side by side.
"I'm not ready!" Said Shining Armor in panic.
Rainbow Dash flew over to Shining Armor, carrying two silver helmets, one with a red crest and the other with an aquamarine crest.
"Take it easy! Just pick whoever looks the most like honor guard material," Said Rainbow.
"Right… right."
Shining Armor grabbed both helmets with his magic and directed them towards two members of the royal guard. Whether it was because he was tired or because he was panicking, he accidentally placed the helmets backwards on two of the guards in the middle of the line. All of the guards left the room anxiously, with the two unfortunate guards stumbling around from their eyesight being inhibited by the helmets.
"I'm sorry. Fatherhood is way more stressful than I ever thought," Said Shining.
"I can only imagine," Said Fluttershy sympathetically.
"Now, I know choosing the crystal of purity is a very important decision. So I have gone through the trouble of arranging them in order from incredibly pure to outrageously pure," Said Rarity.
The fashionista pulled out a small case and opened it. Within the case were five radiant blue crystals.
"Um, Rarity, don't they all sort of look the same?" Asked Fluttershy.
"Oh, well, to the untrained eye, perhaps," Replied Rarity. "What do you think, Shining Armor?"
Looking at the crystals, Shining Armor could not see any differences between them. Having to choose a crystal on top of all of the other responsibilities that were bestowed on him finally proved to be too much.
"I don't know!"
Shining Armor fell onto the floor. His body shook uncontrollably as panic took over.
"I hope Twilight and Wade are having better luck with the baby!" Whispered Rarity to Fluttershy.
Meanwhile, in the baby's room, Deadpool and Twilight were lying down on the floor. The baby was leaning against Deadpool's side while suckling her front hoof. Both of the older ponies looked at the baby lovingly.
"She's so adorable," Whispered Twilight.
"She is. And beautiful, too," Replied Deadpool in a hushed tone.
The baby laughed, which got an "aw" out of Deadpool. He then grabbed her and repositioned himself, so he was sitting on his haunches.
"For a baby that is less than a week old, you are surprisingly well developed. I'm not an expert, but I would think babies wouldn't be this bubbly and active until they are closer to a year old," Said Deadpool.
"She's remarkable! There are so many possibilities on what she could do! Just imagine all of the research papers I could write on alicorn foal development!" Said Twilight excitedly.
"(Chuckles) Well, I may not entirely understand the science aspect of it, but I know that she shares the same bloodline as another remarkable pony."
"Aw!"
Twilight and Deadpool nuzzled affectionately. Suddenly, the baby began to thrash around in Deadpool's arms. She then managed to free her wings and flapped them. Surprisingly, she flew up towards the ceiling.
"Uh, Twilight?" Said Deadpool.
Surprisingly, even though he was a couple hundred pounds heavier than her, the baby was able to lift Deadpool completely off the ground, with his hind legs dangling in the air.
"Uh, oh!" Said Deadpool.
She then began to fly around the room, with Deadpool still holding onto her. She then fired a beam of magic. Before it could hit anything, Twilight quickly intercepted the beam of magic with her own.
"Ahhhh!"
As Deadpool continued to get flown across the room, the baby kept firing beams of magic while giggling happily. Twilight was able to prevent each one from hitting something, but she didn't know how long she could keep this up.
"Well… at least she's having fun," Said Deadpool.
"Wade, hold her still!" Said Twilight.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?!" Asked Deadpool.
As Deadpool tried to grab onto various objects throughout the room to stop the baby from flying around the room (each attempt resulting in zero success), Twilight kept deflecting stray magic beams, with one nearly hitting her in the head.
"I hope Starlight is having an easier time rekindling her friendship with Sunburst," Said Twilight to herself.
Meanwhile, Starlight Glimmer and Spike were in Sunburst's house. The living room area of the latter's home was… a mess. The already small room was cluttered with piles of spell books on the floor, and magical artifacts crowded a shelf above a crystal fireplace. Starlight and Sunburst sat at a wooden table, with the former having a sip of tea that was provided for her. As she did so, she and her fillyhood friend awkwardly tried to avoid making eye contact with each other.
"So… the Princess of Friendship wants you and I to be friends again?" Asked Sunburst.
Heh, I know. Weird, right?" Asked Starlight awkwardly.
"Uh, I don't understand. Did something happen to you after I left for magic school?" Asked Sunburst.
"What? No!"
THUMP!
Panicked at the thought of Sunburst discovering her past actions, Starlight accidentally slammed her front hooves on the table, causing her tea cup and the teapot to get launched into the air. She quickly caught both of them in her magic, and poured herself some more tea.
"I-I don't see what that has to do with anything. W-Why would you even ask that?" Asked Starlight defensively.
As she was rambling out of nervousness, Starlight unknowingly overfilled her teacup, causing tea to spill all over the wooden table. She then turned the spout of the teapot towards Sunburst.
"I mean, did something happen to you after you left for magic school?" Asked Starlight.
"What? Um, no. L-Like you said, I'm a, (clears throat) i-important wizard," Said Sunburst.
Meanwhile, Spike peeked from behind one of the stacks of books. He then frantically read through Twilight's list.
"I'm sure there's something on Twilight's list that can help here. I hope everyone's having fun meeting the baby," Said Spike to himself.
Meanwhile, outside the Crystal Castle, Shining Armor was taking deep breaths to calm himself down while Rarity was running a hair brush through his mane. Suddenly, he heard a creaking sound coming from behind him. Turning around, he saw his wife, Princess Cadance, and Princesses Celestia and Luna exiting the castle. He quickly galloped over to Cadance.
"Okay. I chose the honor guard, picked the purity crystal, and I know exactly who I want to be our crystaller. So, all we need is…"
Shining Armor paused when he realized that he had forgotten the last thing that was needed. As he scratched his chin in contemplation, Cadance looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
"The baby?" Questioned Cadance dryly.
Realizing that he had forgotten his own child, Shining Armor held back the urge to scream in panic.
"We're here!"
Hearing a familiar voice, Shining Armor and Cadance looked towards the front entrance. They saw Twilight coming towards them, with their baby flying around in a large magical bubble with Deadpool still hanging onto her. Seeing his baby, Shining Armor sighed in relief.
"She's a really strong flier! Gugh… I think I'm going to puke," Said Deadpool nauseously.
Smiling, Princess Cadance used her magic to grab the baby and remove her from Deadpool's grasp and the bubble. Twilight then released Deadpool, and the Merc With a Mouth staggered over by her side.
"Shining, Cadance, your baby is sweet and all, but if you do not find a way to control her powers, she may destroy the entire empire," Said Deadpool.
As she was brought back to her mother, the baby tried to reach towards Deadpool but to no avail. She then sniffled, catching everyone's attention.
WWAAAHHHH!
Suddenly, she began to cry. Just like her magic, her wailing proved to be very powerful, causing the area to shake. Everyone covered their ears due to how loud her crying was. The Crystal Heart, which was rotating in the center of the castle's overhang, suddenly stopped its rotation. Several cracks formed in the heart, then it shattered into many pieces.
GASP!
As everyone gasped in disbelief, the baby fell asleep in her mother's arms, tired out from her crying.
"... Uh, well, Wade, it seems like she likes you," Said Twilight sheepishly.
"Yeah, uh, I can't believe I am saying this, but I think this is the first time someone liked me a little too much," Said Deadpool.
(What about that one psychiatrist?)
"Different universe," Said Deadpool to himself.
Applejack walked over to the shattered remains of the Crystal Heart, and picked up one of the pieces.
"I'm guessin' that's gonna make it harder to do the Crystalling," Said Applejack.
"It's worse than that. Without the Heart, the Crystal Empire's about to be buried under a mountain of ice and snow!"
Twilight pulled back a purple curtain that was concealing everything under the palace's overhang. From a distance, large menacing snow clouds slowly made their way towards the Crystal Empire. As everyone looked fearfully towards the snow clouds, the baby woke up, and burbled happily.
To be continued…
Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the first chapter of the season six arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season premiere episode "The Crystalling"! Your patience as I worked on writing this chapter is very much appreciated. Will Starlight Glimmer be able to mend her friendship with Sunburst? And will our heroes be able to repair the Crystal Heart? Or will the Crystal Empire be lost to the merciless ice and snow of the Frozen North? Stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!