As the first light of dawn painted the sky in shades of soft pink and gold, Ezra found himself awake earlier than his custom. With light, almost tentative steps, he ventured out onto the porch, settling on the topmost step. The cool morning air enveloped him in its embrace, a stark contrast to the warmth of the previous day now replaced by the expected chill of the season.
With a weary sigh, he rubbed a hand across his face, the events of the previous night replaying in his mind like a broken record. Despite the haze of alcohol that had clouded his judgment, he couldn't shake the memory of the confessions he had made, the weight of his words hanging heavy.
The first confession he's made, what his sexual orientation truly was, he could live with. Honestly, he questioned why he'd kept it such a closely guarded secret other than the fact that he didn't want to share it with anyone if it weren't on his own terms. And no matter what his desires were, it wasn't as if he'd had much time to act on any of them.
It had taken him a while to come to terms with the fact that he was attracted to both men and women. For the most part, he'd hidden that from just about everyone. His romantic relationships had been sparse. So far, even though he'd found himself attracted to other men, he'd never acted on those attractions. The only two serious relationships he'd had had been with women leaving him uncertain of his footing if he were to pursue a connection with another man.
Of course, blurting out his sexual orientation to his teammates paled in comparison to the real whopper of the evening. He was still surprised that Chris hadn't carried out his many threats and actually shot him. As he pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, he wondered how he'd get out of this possible mess.
The creak of the door interrupted his reverie, and a mug of coffee materialized before him, offered by Chris with characteristic gruffness.
"Thought you might need this."
Ezra accepted the offering with gratitude, offering a fleeting smile. "Thank you," he murmured softly. As Chris leaned against the porch railing, the tranquility of the early morning enveloped them, punctuated only by the rustle of the wind and the distant chirping of birds.
"You okay?" Chris asked quietly, his voice a gentle interruption to the stillness.
Ezra nodded. "Bit of headache." A faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he looked up to where Chris was leaning.
Chris nodded in understanding, his gaze softening with empathy. "I get that," he said, his voice quiet yet reassuring. "It was quite the night."
Ezra chuckled softly, the sound carrying a hint of self-deprecation. "That's one way to put it," he remarked, his gaze drifting out across the sprawling landscape before them before it shifted to the coffee in the mug. "In vino veritas," he added almost under his breath.
"Truth in the wine," Chris translated effortlessly as he moved to sit by Ezra on the step.
"Yeah. I…um…I," Ezra stammered over his words, unusually at a loss. "I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention."
Chris shrugged as his eyes traced the flight of a red-tailed hawk in the distance. "I could say the same. You weren't the only one finding that truth."
Ezra's turned his head sharply in Chris's direction. "But, I thought…I mean…your wife." Ezra stumbled over his words, unsure how to ask the question he wanted.
Chris chuckled at his suddenly tongue-tied friend. It wasn't often Ezra was at a loss for words and this was the second time in less than five minutes. He took a swallow of his coffee then his eyes once again trained on the hawk as it dove for prey. "It's like you said last night. I like women, but I also like men. Don't usually advertise it, though." He looked quickly toward Ezra. "Before last night, Buck was the only one who really knew"
"Oh," was all Ezra said. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out prompting Chris to let out another chuckle. "What do you find so humorous, Mr. Larabee," Ezra snapped as suddenly he felt like the butt of a joke.
"You," Chris answered simply. As Ezra started to get up, he snagged his wrist pulling him back down. "I didn't mean it that way. I just meant I've never seen you have so much trouble stringing two words together is all."
"I see." Ezra took a sip of his coffee but made no further move to get up. He took a couple of deep breaths as he gathered his thoughts. He wanted to be sure he understood what was happening. "So, when you said you would want to give it a try…you…um." He let out an exasperated breath as he was once again at a loss for words.
"If you're trying to ask if I meant it, I do. That is, if you meant it."
Ezra's heart skipped a beat at Chris's words, a surge of hope rising within him. "Really?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Chris nodded, a faint smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Really," he confirmed, his gaze unwavering.
"But why," Ezra pressed wanting to understand. Most times it was as if he and Chris were oil and water. As much as they were friends and teammates, there was always a push pull between them. It had become routine that Chris would threaten to shoot him when he got one of his 'hare-brained ideas' as Chris often called them.
Chris leaned forward, his gaze steady as he searched Ezra's eyes. "Why not?" he began, his voice carrying a rare vulnerability. "You're intelligent, Ezra, and not just in the way you do your job. You see things others don't, and you're not afraid to speak your mind, even when it makes you an insufferable bastard. That takes courage."
He paused, allowing his words to sink in before continuing. "And you've got a heart, even if you try to hide it under all that sarcasm and bluster. I've seen glimpses of it, especially when you think no one else is looking."
Chris bumped his shoulder into Ezra's. "You challenge me, Ezra. You make me question things, and maybe that's what I need. Besides," he added with a faint smirk, "who else am I going to argue with about the best way to handle a situation?" He quickly and gently caressed the side of Ezra's face with the back of his fingers. "And you've got the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. I could get lost in them."
Ezra's breath caught in his throat at Chris's words, a warmth spreading through him that had nothing to do with the coffee in his cup. It felt almost like an electric shock where Chris's fingers had touched his face. He swallowed hard, meeting Chris's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and disbelief. "I... I don't know what to say," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. He held back a nervous chuckle as he realized he was once more stumbling over words unsure what to say.
Chris reached over to squeeze his knee quickly. "There isn't anything to say," he replied softly. "Just…maybe we should give this a chance and see where it goes. What have we got to lose?"
"I think I'd like that, Chris, but it's just that…" he trailed off as embarrassment colored his cheeks red. "I may be attracted to men, but I've never acted on that," he forced out quickly. He chanced a quick look to see how Chris reacted to the confession.
"Hmm…" Chris acknowledged as he finished his coffee. "Not much different than being with a woman except the body parts."
Ezra bristled at what he perceived to be Chris dismissing his concern. "That's very helpful,"
"That's not what I meant." Chris took a deep breath choosing his words carefully. "Look, I've been around the block a few times. I've had my share of relationships, with both men and women." He locked eyes with Ezra, his expression sincere. "And yeah, there are differences, but there's a hell of a lot more similarities than people like to admit."
He leaned forward slightly, his voice dropping to a more serious tone. "At the end of the day, it's about connection, trust, and respect. It's about two people finding something real in each other.
Chris reached out, placing a reassuring hand on Ezra's shoulder. "So yeah, maybe this is uncharted territory for you. But you're not alone in it. We'll figure it out together, just like everything else."
He gave Ezra a small, reassuring smile. "So, what do you say? You up for taking a gamble on something real?"
Ezra looked at Chris for the space of a few heartbeats before he broke out into a wide smile. "Well, sir, I abhor gambling and as such, leave nothing to chance," he quipped echoing something he'd said to Chris when they first met.
Chris let out a hearty laugh and shook his head. "You really are an insufferable bastard."
"Your insufferable bastard?" Ezra asked as he arched a brow.
Chris's laughter slowly faded away, but not his smile. "What am I getting myself into?" he asked affectionately.
Inside they could hear the others slowly waking up and moving around. As they did, an unspoken agreement passed between them that, for now, they'd keep their decision between just the two of them.
They sat together, shoulders touching, watching the hawk that still flew lazily in sky knowing they were about to embark on something that could change their lives in ways they'd never imagined.