Author's Note

I enjoy writing this so freaking much, y'all don't even understand.

Uploaded

04/21/2024

Legend below

"Hey there hun!" = Speech.

''Great, make a fool out of myself.'' = Thought.

Rated-M for language and mature themes, nudity, blood, violence and mentions of blood and gore, suicide and depression.

Chapter 6

Coming to understand

Music of the day

Naruto OST - Ochihabune

It was to the sound of a heart monitor that he awoke, dull black eyes slowly blinking as he finally returned to consciousness. Bleached white met his gaze, the ceiling of a hospital room greeting his tired black eyes. Them smells of harsh chemicals and stale air graced his senses as he moved to sit up.

A dull pain flared across his midsection, but he ignored it in leu of figuring out both why he had landed himself in a hospital bed, and how bad the damage was.

His long black locks fell in front of his eyes as he cast his gaze downward, the white bandages wrapped around his torso. That's when he registered the dull ache in his ribs, a pain that seemed to have remained after having been healed.

Oh…

Now he remembered…

He'd been training with Sakura, and she'd landed a chakra charged punch to his ribs. He'd been distracted so easily by Kakashi's incessant poking and prodding that he'd completely taken his eyes off of her.

Everything after that was drawing a blank.

He sighed, heavy black bags hanging underneath his eyes. He looked around the room he found himself in, but didn't sense anyone else in the room.

He was alone.

He wasn't sure why the thought occurred to him, but some part of him had imagined seeing Anko half asleep on the end of his bed in a chair, sort of like Naruto had been once when he'd been hospitalized years ago.

But for obvious reasons, she wasn't here.

It made the ache in his chest hurt that much more, and he wasn't sure he could stomach the heavy atmosphere that the hospital bed offered him any longer.

He knew Sakura would probably chew him out once she learned that he left the moment he awoke, but frankly, he couldn't bring himself to care all that much.

Hearing her rant at him over his health was a better alternative than rotting away in this bleached white bed any longer.

He tossed the sheets off of him, slipping free from as he grabbed his garments that had been placed neatly beside the bed. His katana was propped up against the bed, something he quickly secured to its place between his blue belt once again.

He didn't stick around much longer after that, making his escape out the window. It was sunset now, yet some time still remained before night truly settled in.

He flew across the rooftops of Konoha, in no particular rush to go anywhere, moving at a more leisurely pace. He was sure he'd never hear the end of it if he immediately returned to training, so he decided against returning to the training grounds for the day.

He didn't feel like talking to anyone, and he was sure he would run into someone if he did.

More then that…

He was hungry.

Which was how he found himself landing in front of a certain ramen stand, the smell immediately bringing back a litany of memories.

He hadn't been here in…

Well…

A long time.

He brushed aside his feelings as he approached Ichiraku, parting the white hanging cloth as he slipped into a stool.

"Welcome to Ichiraku! I'll be with you in just a minute!" A feminine voice called out from the back, the sounds of clanging pots and pans reaching his ears.

He cast tired eyes her way, finding a familiar looking brunette in the back of the ramen stand. She quickly moved over to him, a gentle smile on her face. "Evening! Sorry I was…" She trailed off, her eyes widening in surprise. "Sasuke-San? Oh gosh, I haven't seen you for some time…" Ayame trailed off, looking the young man over. "What brings you here so late? Is there anything I can get you?" The young woman couldn't help but ask.

It was rare enough to see Sasuke there with people, usually his teammates.

But he'd rarely if ever come alone.

Ichiraku Ramen was Naruto's usual food joint, certainly not the brooding dark haired Uchiha's.

"I just wanted someplace quiet to think…" He murmured, glancing down at the paper menu. "I'll have pork ramen… if you don't mind." He added after scanning through the menu.

The older girl smiled a sad look once she took in his ragged state. "Of course, I'll get that going right away." She bowed briefly, moving off to the back.

Sasuke didn't say anything after that, head resting on his fist, elbow placed up on the counter.

The place was silent after that, the sounds of sizzling meat and cooking food the only source of noise to keep his mind occupied.

When she finally came back with a large bowl in her hands, he didn't even notice her sit down across from him. At least, until she slowly pushed said bowl across the counter, the warm ceramic bumping into his arm.

His eyes widened slightly in surprise, turning to face her once he realized that he'd been spacing out something fierce. Ayame offered him a gentle yet understanding smile, resting her head in her hands, elbows propped up on the counter. "Your food is ready, Sasuke-San." She gently pointed out.

He glanced down to the bowl sitting before him, the scent that reached his nose bringing back a slew of memories. "Oh, thank you…" He murmured, taking up his chopsticks as he quietly and slowly dug in.

It took him longer than he'd admit before he realized that the brunette was still sitting quietly across from him, studying him with a little gleam in her eye. Once he did notice her, however, that's seemed to signal her to speak her mind.

He still didn't understand social cues as much as he wanted to.

"I don't mean to offend, but you look like you have a lot weighing on your mind…" She murmured lightly, before her gaze softened in a sort of motherly worry. "Something's on your mind… and I'm here to listen if you want to talk. Naruto-Chan always offloaded her problems to me whenever she was having issues, mostly about you. Especially when you- well never-mind that." She trailed off with a certain look that told him she knew something he didn't.

''I have no reason to tell her any of my personal feelings, so I believe it wise to keep my mouth closed on the matter.'' Was what his mind said in his typical Uchiha manner.

However…

"I wrongly thought someone felt a certain way about me… But now I'm left with all these… unnecessary feelings…" He murmured, staring blankly down into his bowl of ramen.

Her eyes seemed to gleam in immense interest, but he didn't seem to notice. "What happened?" She asked quietly, sitting sitting across from him.

Normally he wouldn't open up to her, to anyone almost…

But he felt almost compelled to tell her, to offload his personal problems at her to make his heart just a tad lighter. He supposed that it's what Naruto seemed to do, so it wouldn't hurt to do it himself now.

That and, holding onto these feelings in his chest was making it difficult to breathe.

"I used to think I knew what I was doing, and then I ran into her…" He murmured, almost in a daze as he recalled the events leading up to where he was now. "For some reason… I couldn't stand the sight of her drowning herself in the world just to dull her pain. I don't know why but… It made it difficult to breathe."

He didn't notice her face soften, pity in her eyes. He was hurting, hurting so badly that he couldn't even hide it anymore, but he didn't even seem to notice it about himself.

"I thought I was helping her, but then she pushed me away… Now I think she's angry with me… and I don't know why. And I don't know how to feel about that." He sighed, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

He didn't even notice the fact that his hands came back wet.

"I've never given people's opinions of me much thought, they were free to feel however they want to about me, I don't care." He said decidedly, despite the tears that quietly, slowly trailed down his cheeks. "So why does it hurt so much when thinking about her being angry with me?" He asked, looking down at his open palms, absentmindedly trailing the lines in his hands.

"Is something wrong with me? Have I done something so offensive that she could come to hate me? Or did I not do something right?" He asked bitterly, not even directing his questions at her. "Is something wrong with me?" He finally asked quietly, looking up at her.

He wondered why his vision was so blurred, completely unaware of the tears pouring down his cheeks.

He wasn't expecting for Ayame to grasp his hands, holding him so firmly that it grounded him into that moment. He was surprised to see the look in her eyes, so openly caring that it shook him, and for a moment…

It reminded him of his mother, the way she'd look at him when he was young…

"Sasuke-San…" She began quietly, rubbing gentle circles in the gap between his thumbs and his index fingers. "Nothing is wrong with you." She muttered softly, a small yet genuine smile tugging at her lips. "You're in love…" She muttered, smiling down at him.

He blinked in surprise, staring at her through the tears as he tried to comprehend what she just said.

Everything seemed to freeze at he recalled everything leading up to that moment, his interactions with Anko, what compelled him to move, what made him seek her out, why he continued to help her or pull her out of shady situations.

It was because he'd…

He'd fallen for her.

He couldn't get her off his mind, her smiling face stuck in his head, the memories of the way she'd tease him floating around freely in his head. He felt urged to go after her, to care for her, to look after her.

Not because it was his responsibility, not because he was expected to care for his fellow Ninja, nor because she was someone who needed help.

He felt compelled to help her, to care for her, look after her, because he had feelings for her.

That's why he was so devastated when she turned him away, when, after opening his heart to her, she'd grown silent…

It made something inside of him crack and splinter to the breaking point.

He looked up to her again, eyes slowly lighting up in realization. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner, and now that he did, he was left feeling empty. He knew he had feelings for her now, but his last interaction with her felt as if it had ruined everything.

"Sasuke-San… Once you're done eating, I want you to track her down, and tell her how you feel." Ayame smiled in that motherly way that made his chest feel lighter.

His first instinct was to run away from his problems again, but then he remembered that he was an Uchiha. And Uchiha don't run away from their problems, they face them head on, no matter how difficult they may be.

For the first time since he left her on the road that day, he wondered if he over reacted…

If he'd stayed there, faced her silence head on, would things have turned out differently?

That was the thought that compelled him to make the decision he was going to take. "Thank you… Ayame-San…" He murmured genuinely, before finally yet slowly digging into his food.

The older woman smiled. "Of course, Sasuke-San."

When she woke that morning, the desire to do anything at all was less than minimal at best, and below zero at worst.

Yesterday had been a clusterfuck of emotional distress and getting all up in her own head that she'd completely ruined the only chance she ever felt like she truly had at love, all because she couldn't get out of her own head. She'd made the only man who truly seemed to care for her turn away, making him think she didn't care.

Maybe suffocation by pillow would make her feel the slightest bit better then dwelling on how badly she'd ruined things.

Either way, she knew she couldn't just lay in bed all day, because she felt like shit. So it was with half assed energy that she pulled herself out of bed, stumbling through her apartment building in nothing but her panties and a shirt that did little in hiding her womanly figure, extending down just enough to hide her rump.

A moment later saw her in the bathroom, filling up her dainty little tub with hot water. It wasn't anything extravagant, but it had served her well enough in the past. She didn't make enough money to move into anything bigger than what she had now, and even if she did, she doubted the landlords would even care to let her live there.

Either way, she'd made the most out of her little abode.

Despite what people thought of her, despite the endless sea of harsh and painful nicknames the village would make up for her, she was not some slob. Although she portrayed herself as some cold hearted bitch that couldn't care less about the world, when hidden away behind the walls of her small little apartment, she cared for it.

Out of everything in the world, her apartment was her safe space, and she wanted it to be clean and tidy. Not because she frequently had people come over, as Kurenai was the only person who would ever come over on a regular basis, but because she felt just a tiny bit more at peace in a clean apartment.

If nothing else, it was the one thing in her life that she felt she had full control over.

With the tub filling, she made a small detour to the kitchen, grabbing an unopened bottle of wine from the kitchen. She didn't have any food to grab right away, and the urge to go out and buy something was minimal at best.

She'd make due…

She slipped off her panties, shirt going with it as she slipped into the tub, the hot water washing over her naked body. She sighed, head coming to rest against the back of the wall. She popped the cork off the bottle, downing a fourth of the bottle immediately after.

The dulling sensation that washed over her was heavenly, but it had also lost its luster, and in the end it only left her feeling empty.

Usually she'd wallow over whatever she messed up, and then go back to not caring. But this time around, she couldn't help the bitter feelings situated in her stomach, nor the tears that threatened to fall as she lay alone in her bathtub with a half drunken bottle of wine.

She didn't know how long she lay there, half lidded eyes staring out the window that framed her tub. She'd probably been laying in there for half an hour, and would've stayed longer, had she not heard the doorbell ring.

Her eyes widened slowly as the sound reached her, the silence that followed it, deafening.

Was she hearing things, or had her doorbell truly rung?

Kurenai had left early in the morning for a mission out of the village, and she knew she was long gone by now, so it couldn't have been her. But if that was the case, she couldn't think of anyone else who would bother her on her day off.

She debated ignoring the bell, but when it rang a second time, she had the distinction that whoever was behind it wasn't going to leave.

She sniffed in a pitiful attempt to snuff out her tears as she pulled herself from the tub, quickly drying herself off with a towel before throwing on her oversized shirt that was just long enough to cover her.

She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes as she approached the door, feeling a presence just behind it.

Gathering herself best she could, she threw on the bitchiest face she could muster before opening the door…

Only for the facade to crumble almost instantly when she realized who it was that had rung the bell.

"Sasuke…?" She asked quietly in surprise.

The young man in question stood quietly just outside the frame, in his hands a paper bag. He felt a part of him die when she failed to call him any of the nicknames that she'd given him in the past, instead referring to him simply by name.

"Mitarashi-Senpai…" He muttered softly, deep black eyes carrying a hurt yet hopefulness to them that I made her heart skip a beat. The continued use of her nickname had the older woman's face slowly heating up.

Silence rang out after the introductions, the older woman seemingly frozen on the spot.

At least, until he spoke again.

"I'm… I'm sorry." The last Uchiha spoke, voice as genuine as it was surprisingly soft. "I'm sorry that I upset you that day, with what I said. I never meant to anger you…"

He wasn't expecting her to reach out and snatch his hands up, holding them so tightly as if she was afraid he'd walk away again.

"N-No..! Don't…" She snapped, before lowering her voice. She bit her lips, averting her gaze as she tried to get a hold on her shuddering voice. "Don't apologize… It's…" She shook her head, tears that she'd managed to hold at bay having broken the damn. "I'm sorry I've been so shitty to you! I-It's not your fault, I was never mad, not at you…" She didn't even care anymore, didn't care who saw her falling apart in her own doorway.

She just broke, and she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Y-You've been so nice to me and I've been a t-total bitch to you every day, I-I don't know why you even s-stuck around with me." She murmured bitterly. "W-Why did you even care about me? I'm a t-total fucking mess…" She hiccuped, rubbing at her eyes in a futile effort to stop her tears from falling.

But they wouldn't stop falling.

She wasn't even aware of him moving, the bag that once sat in his hands having fallen to the ground as he moved forward, wrapping her up in a hug. She cried quietly against his chest as he held her with a surprising level of affection, one arm wrapped around her while the other came up to gently hold the back of her head. He didn't say anything for a moment, holding her tenderly, his chin resting atop her head as she stained his chest with her tears.

The height difference wasn't something he noticed between them until holding her so affectionately like he was now. She felt so small wrapped up in his embrace as she was now, and holding her as he was, he felt as if he never wanted to let go again.

As much as he felt so much weighed upon his heart, he knew she needed the affirmation more than anyone else in that moment. For as much as she tried to pretend like she was the same as him, someone who seemed impervious to the way the world viewed them, she was just a woman who had suffered a lot in life and had no one to turn to for help.

One could only pretend like they were invulnerable for so long, before the splinters in their facade begin to crack and break, revealing the wounds that had sat festering just below the surface for years.

"You want to know why I went out of my way for you…" He muttered gently into her hair, still holding her firmly as she cried weakly into his chest. Yet despite her tears, he knew she was listening. "At first… I wasn't even sure of it myself, but now I'm sure..." He sighed into her hair, holding her so firmly that it stood as a silent promise to never again let her go.

She sucked in a quiet gasp, looking up from his chest to gaze into his deep black orbs. Staring up at him through her blurry tear stained eyes, she found her breath hitching in her throat.

He stared down at her in that familiar cold Uchiha Sasuke way, and yet there was something all too comforting about it this time around. Perhaps it was the affectionate gleam in his eyes, or the light tinting of red that dusted his cheeks, or the way he slowly leaned down to her level, his warm breath tickling her nose.

"I've fallen for you… Anko-Senpai. And I can't get my mind off of you, no matter where I go, or what I do… It always comes back to you…" He muttered lowly, face flushing as he leaned down to her level. "I can't forget you… I don't want to."

The older woman's heart thumped beneath her breasts, pumping in her ears as she stared up at the younger man that held her so affectionately. A part of her warned her not to engage, to fall back on bad habits built up to protect herself over the years…

And that part of her was silenced entirely when he tenderly pressed his lips to her own, stealing her breath away like she'd drunkenly done some time ago.

This time…?

This time it was different, as she melted into his touch, his hand on the back of her head pulling her deeper into the kiss. She was used to being the one in control, the one directing the intimacy; Intimacy that she embarrassingly had little experience in.

She melted as held her, stealing her breathe away. So when he finally pulled away for air, she felt as if her legs were going to give out from underneath her, face blazing with passionate emotion.

Yet even then, he was there to hold her steady when she felt like she couldn't do so herself. She ducked her eyes away from his gaze, resting her head against his chest as he wrapped her up in a hug.

"I'm… sorry I took so long to figure it out…" He murmured lowly, chin resting on her head.

"M-Moron…" She muttered into his chest, wrapping her arms around his midsection. "Just… please keep holding me…" She murmured quietly, face flushed as she realized what she was asking, as if she was some scared child.

He huffed out a tiny amused little sound, his embrace around her firm. He didn't say anything more, holding her as long as she wanted. If it was what she wanted, he realized, then and there, that he would do anything for her. He wondered if that's what it meant to love someone, to be willing to do anything for them unconditionally, even if it meant that she took first place in his life instead of his revenge; Revenge that with every passing day seems to become more of a distant dream instead of a revenant passion that he'd throw everything away for…

Holding this beautiful woman in his arms now, he felt content to set everything else aside for the time being, and make her the most important. After all, what was the point of achieving his revenge if he had no one there to stand by his side after it was all said and done?

With that thought in mind, he was happy to hold her now, and he her pillar. He felt as if it was the first thing that made truly made him happy in a very, very long time.

"Do you… want to come inside?" She asked quietly, afraid to let him go.

He didn't even need to think about that question, smiling a little yet genuine look. "I think I would like that…" He muttered, letting her drag him by the hand into her house…

Chapter

6

End