Saturday 25 November 2006, Dublin, Ireland
"The promotion of the products continued, I had just finished making the adverts for the Shiny Chariot cards,but there were still more things to do that I hadn't even imagined I would have to start doing, but in the end itwas worth it, it wasn't just the Chariot cards that were going to be released, We were also preparing morethings, everything to leave a bright future for a world tour that I was really looking forward to, in the midst of arelationship in crisis with Croix, I was already starting to get very close to my goal of also reaching the sevenwords and until then it even looked like she was going to make a break for it."
We're arriving back in Dublin, after going there last week to record, I want to see the results and if there's going to be any more Shiny Chariot stuff too, I'm really happy that my relationship with Croix is going well this week, I thought we'd be in the worst of it, but well I'm looking forward to the fourth word, I hope it can come soon.
We land at the house, I go over to Grandma and hug her, even lifting her off the ground because she's as short as Mum, then I go into the house and wave to Mrs Jordan who is also there helping with everything.
"Look, we've been waiting for you" said Aunt April.
"Well today we're going to record some more Chariot, there are more things we plan to do to increase the hype for your brand" said my mum and I just nodded.
"Is there more besides the letters? You didn't even tell me" I say curiously.
"Come with us and we'll show you, I'm sure the children will really like what we have to offer" I hope so, I'm already curious to know, who will the children say?
We went round the house, apparently I'm going to advertise everything to publicise Shiny Chariot's products, this is going to be interesting to show, I want to be able to be known like this, we went into the bedroom and I saw lots of things, there are plushies of my relative Arcor that are so cute, the children will like that, plushies of mine too, there are even bags with a bit of my style on them, pen tips with my head on them, that's strange, but interesting too, there are notebooks, diaries, they've made a line with everything from Shiny Chariot, how can there be more than T-shirts, even Alan didn't do more than that, it must have been a long time to think of all these ideas, I even look curious.
"Wow, that's a lot! You've done all this?" I ask in amazement.
"With the help of Croix and everyone else, we've been formulating ideas, you can win this in addition to the Chariot cards that will come in a limited edition, I'm sure the children will buy them and you can also help us take a breather, since we've thought of a great way to sell online and send them by post, at least for now, then we'll officially launch them in the shops, for now it's a mail order sale" said Mrs Jordan and I'm very impressed, there's so much I don't even know where to say it.
"So we're going to have to record adverts for all this?" I ask them.
"Well, we're already thinking of something for the school term, these things that can go with the lessons, we can start recording in January or March, since we can advertise in Australia and Japan, it's weird to think that they have such a crazy school calendar, the one here makes so much sense, here we'll only be able to start selling in August and make a nice profit, the rest we'll do right now, like the teddies, T-shirts, your hat, the replica of your staff, I'm sure the kids will love it" said my mum.
"Wow, there's so much that my head is still trying to process, but let's try, tell me what the first products are going to be and I'll start thinking of ideas to record" I say as I look at them.
"We don't have to stop focussing on what's important either" said Croix, and I'm a little confused by what she's saying.
"We really can't, don't worry Croix, the seven words will still be discovered, it's not even two months since Chariot was chosen, she's gone further than I've gone in a few years, we're not going to take the focus away, but if you want things to change so much for the witches' revolution, this propaganda is vital, even more so as the children will love being able to buy new things from Shiny Chariot" Mum's right, but apparently Meridies didn't like what she heard very much.
"I can start with the teddies, I thought it would be interesting to start with them, I've already thought about what I'm going to act out so I can start here" I say excitedly.
I've already thought about how to make it so adorable that the children will love every second of it on the telly and their parents will buy it for them, it's really going to fill the shops, apart from the Chariot cards there'll be more stuff, I hope it's affordable too.
I'll get to the venue and even take a shrunken sofa, where these plushies can be propped up, that way I'll be able to create a cosy atmosphere with the help of Croix's editing, that's sure to improve a lot.
"Wow, I didn't think of a sofa, that's very creative Chariot, you're thinking big here" said my mum.
Now it's just recording, I go to the bedroom, where I change, get my clothes ready to start making the first commercial, I'm even a bit excited, who would have thought there would be so many things from Shiny Chariot, this will be even more interesting, well now that I'm changed my mum comes in and does my make-up, everything according to the previous week.
"Well, it looks like we're going to make you work hard today, but I hope that doesn't leave you too exhausted either, as we're going to be recording a lot of your products" said Mum Laura and I think that's fine.
"It's going to be marvellous, I think short commercials are easy, it's nothing compared to having to go on stage, it's really hard to do, but I love it, it's my passion to perform on stage" I say excitedly.
The make-up has been done, now we just have to start recording and I'm sure it's going to be great, Croix's editing has already made the commercial for the cards well done, so I imagine that the ones to come will be too.
We arrive at the recording room and I separate myself from them, going to the part where the soundproofing is and there I sit down and pick up one of the teddies, already preparing an initial pose to hold during the commercial, which signals that the recording has begun, I keep stroking the teddy for a while, until it's time for me to speak, at which point I look at the camera.
"Oh, you're there, look at all the marvellous, cuddly teddies, nothing completes a witch more than the teddies from Shiny Chariot's adventures, the ones that fill your heart with magic!" I tell the camera and I don't know if it was that good.
"Chariot, you can do better, try to stay inside more, come out in a more natural way" said Croix and she's right, I can improve.
I look at the camera again and then I start to get into position to record, I think I've got an idea, I'm going to use magic and move Arcor's teddy as if it were the real one, the one that's flying towards me, I take the teddy in my hands and rub it on my face happily, I think it might give the impression of something closer.
"Oh Arcor, I love you so much, so much, I'd like to cuddle you a lot more!" I make a catchphrase and then I look at the camera, I think it's going to open the commercial.
"You too can believe in yourself and have the Shiny Chariot plush class at home!" I think this animation will do, since I'm still going to narrate a bit in the non-acting parts.
"Now it's really interesting for commercials, I really liked this one, congratulations Croix, have you thought about more versions?" I'm still scratching my chin thoughtfully.
Well, I take a deep breath, starting to think, but I don't think it's so much at the beginning, there's still a lot to go, but I can think of more ideas to put into practice, I know I can do it, I even get up and leave the room in isolation, to talk a bit with the girls about what to do next, it's better than staying in that room with lots of cameras watching.
[...]
There were many versions of the teddy advertisements, I think this will make it very interesting to advertise when I post the videos, I hope the children are really interested, since I staged it for exactly that, well, now I just have to think about other products, I have to think carefully about what to do for the next ones and talk to them.
"Wow, that was a lot, you're all going to have different versions, or we could be simpler so as not to overload you too much, especially as some of these things are going to take a long time to come out on the markets all over the world" said Mrs Jordan.
"It's up to Chariot, she knows what's best for her own publicity, but I was already satisfied with just one advert, but she wanted to do more" said my mum.
"I'm not going to go that overboard, just with the things that I know can sell a lot, like the teddies, the cards and other things like the clothes too, for the rest I think we can just do one, but it's fun to do anyway" I say smiling.
"So before we do that, let's rest for a while, even eat, so you can take a breather before getting back into action" I nod, but I've noticed that Croix is reacting in a way that he doesn't like.
And we go into the kitchen to get some things to eat, it looks like it's going to be colder today because it's windy, and this brings back memories of when I was younger and sometimes I'd hear the wind making the branches of the trees hit the window and the house, I'd be scared and I'd hug my mums, they'd protect me from everything, it was so cute.
"Today is another windy day, it's going to blow down that tree house we made as a family" said my grandmother.
"It didn't fall down when it snowed or when it was windy like this, this house is more resistant than anything, mum, it's been standing since 1979 and it's still in one piece, 30, 40 or even 50 years will pass and this thing will still stand, I trust it" said my mum.
"Ahhh, those were good times, it makes me miss them, you were both little, two children who were always getting into mischief, getting beaten up by Granny Elisabeth, it was much simpler, but now I'm being Granny, who would have thought that time flies so much" said Granny Joanne.
"Soon she'll be a great-grandmother too, these girls grow up very quickly, I'm sure Chariot and the girls will soon be mothers" said Mum Laura, which made me blush.
"Me Mum... I'm still too young for this Mum" I say, waving my hands.
"Of course it is girl, I'm not talking now, I adopted you when I was 23, the girls I only adopted when I was 30, so it's up to you and your time girl, but trust me, having children is a responsibility like that, it's always good to give them as much love as they need, remember to take very good care of your children Chariot, give them all the love that your mum and I taught you" I'll never forget that.
I'm even smiling and after this I'm eating, listening to more of Mum's stories when she was younger that Grandma is telling, it's great to see that they got up to a lot of mischief, all this in a very different era to the one I grew up in, it must have been great to have a mum like Grandma and a dad like Grandpa, they didn't even suffer and that's a good thing, that was wonderful.
[...]
I think we've recorded enough for today, I'm really tired from doing so many commercials, I'm even leaving the acoustic room and being hugged, I've done what I had so far, I hope this helps a lot, now that Croix is going to have a lot of work to do, now at least I'm freer at the weekend so I can rest.
"Well, it's a bit late tonight, I think it's best if you two sleep here in Ireland, tomorrow you'll go back to Luna Nova" We nod and I even think about sleeping with Croix.
"I even miss my bed, so I'm off, see you tomorrow Chariot, see you in Luna Nova" said Meridies and her mum even interrupted.
"Calm down girl, we'll stay here a bit longer, dinner will be ready soon, we won't miss out on Mrs McLaren's wonderful food, she's like a second mother to me, apart from that you can enjoy time with Chariot, maybe even sleep here" Yes, that would be wonderful, I could enjoy time with her.
"I don't want to sleep with Chariot, we're taking a break and I'm not really feeling up to it" My heart even felt like it was breaking into a thousand pieces after hearing all this.
"It's OK Croix, I've got it" I say, leaving the room and going to mine to change, half holding back my tears.
I go into my room and there I let the tears flow a little, all I wanted was just one night with Croix, just one, I'm so needy for physical contact, that's what I wanted most at this moment, I think my make-up is going to smudge, I go to the bathroom, wash my face, seeing that my eye pencil and my foundation were already smudging a little, which I take out all in the sink and let the tears flow.
I don't need to get down like this, that's it Chariot, get back to your old self, don't let yourself be taken in by
this girl, if she wants anything afterwards, just say no and do it with style, that's what I'm going to do, I'm not going to let myself be taken in by what's in my head
"Chariot?" It's my mum's voice in a worried tone.
"I'm fine" I tell her.
"Can I come in?" I'm just finishing changing here, but you can.
"Come in Mum" I say despondently.
She comes in and sees me sitting on the bed, where she hugs me and even gives me a little cuddle, I think mums know when their daughters are feeling very different, she takes care of me and I even lie on her thighs while I'm being caressed.
"It was Croix again, wasn't it? You wanted to sleep with her tonight, I could tell by your intention, look she doesn't want to now Chariot, you know you're not in a relationship, but don't feel down, you don't need her to be happy" said my mum giving advice.
"Every time it's like this Mum, it seems she never wants my advances, I try to get things back on track, but the idiot is still stuck in the mindset of that damned piece of cock, I don't know why I went to hear about it from you or her" I say in frustration.
"If she still feels this way because of these wooden objects I think you need to think long and hard about whether Croix should be a viable romantic option, this girl has been hurting you more than she's been good for you, always remember to be with someone who loves you Chariot, getting stuck in a relationship like this isn't going to do you any good" She's right.
"But Croix isn't a bad mum, I love her more than anything" I make that clear.
"Love, it gets complicated, I can understand the intensity of your feelings for her and I won't think it's bad, it's something that happens and there's often no going back, especially when you've been with the person for too long, I know it's not easy and I'm with you on this Chariot" said my mum, always giving me advice.
"And why are feelings like that, Mum?" I sound like a child asking questions.
"Ah feelings, they're just a way for us to have a part inside us that makes us like that girl, love is what makes us feel excited to continue to make an effort and dedicate ourselves to that thing that motivates us so much, because of the feeling of also receiving a return, like an equivalent exchange, that's basically it girl, but right now I think it's best if we don't think about it too much, let's take advantage of the fact that dinner is coming soon and I promise to play a lot with you" My mum is the best, I even nod my head.
I even decide to continue lying on my mum's thighs, they're comfortable, much bigger than mine and soft, I always did that when I was younger and I loved being cuddled like that and apparently she's also enjoying cuddling me, who would have thought that I'm already so big and I'm still on mum's lap.
Well, if I don't have someone's thighs, I can always sit on my mum's, and I'll never stop appreciating the attention that only a mother's love can give. In the middle of this, my grandmother comes into the room, sees the two of us and calls us in for dinner.
"It looks like you're having a good family moment there, it's dinner time girls, it reminds me of Laura doing the same thing too, in fact you and Chelsea used to fight over my thighs" said Granny.
"That girl... My sister was a pain in the arse, but I... Come on Chariot, I'm hungry" I am too, I guess Mum doesn't usually feel so good when she remembers Aunt Chelsea.
I get up and go to the kitchen and there's Croix, where I go to get some macaroni, I've been missing eating some macaroni and cheese, it's been a while since I've had something like that, I even remembered that we're close to Christmas and there's going to be a lot of it, I go enjoying the food, but at the same time I keep looking at Meridies who looks back at me, which already signals that I'm going to talk to her in the tree house, I think she got the message.
Grandma is the best cook, I loved that I was able to learn everything from the best, I was very hungry after everything, everyone eating together at the table like this, only Mum Bernadette was missing to complete the family and also little Diana
"Hmmmm, Grandma, that's very good" I say happily.
"I do it with love, the only ones missing here are Bernadette, Megan and Heather, speaking of the latter two, how are theyApril?" My grandmother said.
"Heather's home now, she's doing something as usual, she must be putting up with Megan getting on her nerves right now" said Aunt April.
"I haven't seen your mum for a while, you should bring her here tomorrow for lunch, I'd like to talk to her more" said Grandma.
"I'll talk to her, Mrs McLaren, my mother won't refuse to talk to an old friend" said Mrs Jordan.
We continue to eat, enjoying the beautiful food that my grandmother always makes, filling our bellies with love, I'm just thinking about what I'm going to talk to Croix about, it's strange how she reacts to everything, I hope we can work it out, she's already said we'll talk there.
[...]
I've arrived at the tree house, the food was really good, let's talk now in a clearer way, I'm not going to leave anything open, I even take a deep breath and see her leaning against the wall of the tree house, which already makes me ready to start venting, I even hold back my tears a little and I could see the change in expression from someone who even looked disgusted to a more worried expression.
"What was that, Croix?" I ask her.
"What's that? I'm just not in the mood to have sex and lie down with you, I've already told you that I'm not going to do it, you have to understand, nothing is about your sexual desires, stop thinking between your legs and think more with your head Chariot, I just want to be alone you know?" I know that, but it's none of your business.
"You're not like this because of sex, you're like this for another reason, I've seen you in this strange way since we started recording, can you tell me what it is that's bothering you so much, I want to hear it Croix, don't hide anything from me" I say with a few tears running down my cheeks.
"Stop crying like that, your cries aren't going to convince me of anything, I've already said I don't want to and if you cry I'm not going to, emotional blackmail doesn't work, if you want sex, go and have sex with Daniella Parker" She doesn't understand or she's playing dumb with me.
"I told you I don't care about sex, you bitch!" I even close my mouth feeling ashamed for saying such a dirty word, and she looks at me shocked.
There's a huge silence and I can't react after closing my mouth, I'm really annoyed by the way she just doesn't seem to care about me, as if my feelings don't matter, I'm even crying, she's also holding back her tears, which are starting to fall, which I've noticed I think is too much of a fu ilonge, I even feel bad, I shouldn't have said such a heavy offence, but I couldn't take it, I who've never opened my mouth to say a bad word.
"Chariot... I speak the truth... I'm just not happy about it, it seems like your mum is doing everything she can to make you forget the seven words, I don't want that, I want you to focus, I know how important Shiny Chariot is, but the seven words are more important, Chariot the faster you find the seven words the better, at least until the sixth and then the last one you show everyone, but I don't want it to take long, I don't want you to become like your mum" It was all about Claiomh Solais, it was all about that piece of wood again.
"That's it!" I even get a bit angry.
"Chariot, it's not like that, you don't understand how important it is, we have to work hard for our goals, then you leave the staff behind and we won't be able to realise the witches' revolution, think about it girl, look at what we're missing, are you really going to let the older witches continue to oppress us like this? We have to dedicate ourselves to every word, this isn't a joke, this is the fate of the Chariot world, I've had enough of saying that it's important, I feel angry that I'm the only one who's dedicated to this" I even push her backwards making her hit her back against the wall of the house.
"So that's it? That's what you see in me? I thought we had a Croix feeling, but I realise I was wrong, you just see me as an accessory to your goal, you're narcissistic, selfish, you're a horrible person, you just manipulate my feelings! I think that in the end I wasn't wrong to have said such a dirty word about you, I
should have said it with my mouth full, I don't think I need anything more, in the end my mum Bernadette was right about you" I say as I turn to go to sleep, but she puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Chariot, don't go... Please... Don't do that... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I can see that you're dedicated, I just really wanted proof of that, don't you understand, it's not just training magic, it's really pushing your mum to say the words, she's just playing with you, she could just as well say each one and give you the meaning, but instead she's playing you" And I prefer it that way.
"Is there anything bad about that? I like my mum's winding me up, she's just preparing me for every word, it wouldn't mean anything if I just knew it off the top of my head, things don't work like that Croix, I think I'm going to go, have a good night Croix, get stuck in your head thing, I'll do what I think is best" I say releasing her hand and climbing down from the tree house.
I'm just tired of it, I even feel emotionally torn by the feelings I've had for Croix, I feel frustrated, all that love and all that dedication has been thrown away by the nine witches, I can't stand that I have to go through all this, I get back to my room, where I lie in bed crying, I've passed everyone and I haven't even spoken to Aunt April, I just want to be alone.
I soon hear knocks on the doors, I hope it's Mum, which I keep quiet to hear who it's going to be who asks to come in, I don't want Croix around any more, she's already shown that she's only going to use me.
"Chariot, let me in, forgive me" It's her.
"Go away!" I shout very clearly to Meridies.
"I misspoke, I don't want to cause this between us, look I'll let you do whatever I want, you can tie me up and drain all my energy, I'll let you be mine for the whole night, we can sleep together and..." I'm angry.
"Fuck you Croix! Get off my fucking door and go home, I don't want this shit!" I think the message has been given, I hope she doesn't keep annoying me.
"But Chariot..." I can't stand it.
"Get out of here! I've already told you that I want you gone, go and find another girl to make an object of, isn't that how you value them? I'm not going to be the idiot who stands here looking silly while I'm used by you! Get out of here!" She has to leave soon, I can't stand it in my ear ringing.
She even stays silent and I hear her footsteps leaving, I just curl up in the blankets, I even had to resort to saying dirty words, because I can't stand it, I just want to be alone, all I want most is to be able to have a moment alone without Croix filling me up, without her using her words to no purpose, I'm already here, it's been so much rubbish that I don't want any more.
Enough, no more being used by her, no more Croix, I just want to be free and enjoy at least a little time alone, Mum Bernadette was right, this will only hurt my feelings more, the best thing I can do is not hurt myself so much for this.
"Chariot?" The voice is my mum's, I think she appeared or heard me shouting after everything.
"I just want to be alone Mum" I say a little sheepishly.
"I know that, I'm not going to bother you like Croix did just now, she went home with Aunt April, she was crying her eyes out, but don't worry about it, you had reason to be angry, even her mum saw reason in you, look I'm going to leave an ice cream in the window that I'm going to take with magic in it, is it open? I hope so, if not I'll open it, I want to let my girl think on her own, ice cream is good in these times, it was my friend when I lost everything, when I'm still thinking every day about your aunt Chelsea, Bernadette, Diana, everything that happened, he's the one who keeps me maybe a little less depressed" Thanks for everything Mum.
She magically opened the window and left the ice-cream and then closed the window to keep out the cold, I can see that even from a distance she's still looking after me, so I get out of bed, go and get the ice-cream and start eating, while I'm looking at the wall, taking spoonfuls and really sugar and milk are going to be my companions for now, it's what I need at this time, who knows, maybe Croix won't be trying my patience, she'll learn from her mistakes, I'll just try my best, the damage was much greater on me.
"Well, what was supposed to be another commercial shoot turned out to be just that, a huge argument withCroix, she was really weird that day, but that's what happens in a relationship, you're going to fight and fightand keep fighting, these things do happen, but it was what served as a flame that I ended up lighting to start
something else that also ended up marking me in a way, which I honestly don't know how it could happen theway it did, at that time Croix was already showing a lot of her problematic behaviour and that's because itcould be a lot worse."
See you, angst witches...